Read it, don't read it, I don't care...just needed to get some things off my chest.
In no particular order of chronology or importance...
Ahhh, the attempt at the mini-rant. Had 60 minutes, didn't feel like working yet, know I don't like writing rants during my weekend, and know my next rant will be one of my "blind airplane rants..." Let's get to it.
1) Let me get this straight, after thinking about the 2 BILLION dollar price tag that Magic's group just paid... They NEED a broadcast station. They NEED a new stadium, as Dodgers Stadium has become a relic. They NEED talent, as the roster is absent of anything outside of Clayton Kershaw and Matt Kemp. AND. The group is rumored to get NO parking revenue in the deal. Are you kidding me? I know the 70's were the 70's and now we are in 2012. BUT. Do you just chuckle at the genius of George Steinbrenner buying the New York Yankees for $10 million. Good work, George, and good luck with THAT, Magic.
2) I think Andrew Bynum should play ESPN's streak for cash. He is consistent. He is on fire. I think he is trying to break some sort of record of doing something stupid, saying something stupid, or being involved in a stupid situation for consecutive rants. I need a stats guy evidently, because Andrew might just become Joe DiMaggio.
3) Speaking of the Lakers, is Mike Brown doing this on PURPOSE? Now he is defending taking Bynum out of the game late. He is one MOODY coach. A moody coach with no rings acting like he does. Just roll with it, and lay low, bro.
4) The Parcells/ Payton story still hovers. This is SUCH a unique situation. I can't wait to see how it ends, and it is definitely intriguing. Parcells has the energy to sit in the upper club boxes every game, but does he have the energy of the everyday grind? I think he does, and I think he knows he has a full cupboard with a situation where there really is no lose in it. Rent a coach...
5) Chalk, chalk, chalk. Women's Final Four. An undefeated team in the mix, four #1's in contention, and all I want to know is this. If Baylor wins, and they go celebrating at a karaoke bar, will Brittney Griner do the low talking part in Boys 2 Men "End of the Road?"
5a) On a serious note, my thoughts go out to Baylor Coach Kim Mulkey, who got diagnosed with Bell's Palsy this week. I will be rooting for your team now, and hang tough.
6) I hear that a couple porn stars are making a film about their intimate experiences with Tiger Woods. It comes out April 3rd. This is great, and maybe I will watch it. I wish they would do me a favor though. Can they pull that waitress from Perkins into the movie, so I can add some color to my regular Tiger Woods and Perkins jokes (I seriously bring Perkins into any Tiger conversation I have-not my MOST irritating trait, but it has to be top 5)?
7) Speaking of Tiger, let's discuss Hank Haney. Hey, Hank, I am ok with you and your claims about Tiger in the book. Write what you want, and congrats on all the press. That being said, I had a HUGE problem with a wire story this week about you. You came out to the media and said "Tiger has to avoid 3 putts at the Masters." Uhhh. Two things, bro. One, talk about shit in your book, talk about the players you are presently coaching, but when you make a technical observation about the guy you dissed in your book about his game, it leads me to believe you are just seeking out press headlines. Two, EVERYONE needs to avoid 3 putts in ANY tournament. You might be a swing coach, but I see you are not exactly splitting the atom over in your world.
8) The 49ers just added Brandon Jacobs this week. Wow. What a HUGE depth chart they have a RB. Frank Gore AND Brandon Jacobs. If you are both in on a play together, I better see you doing paper rock scissors in the huddle to see which badass is blocking for who.
9) Here we go. Steve Nash says he would listen to the Miami Heat to play on their team, and that he will not resign with the Suns if they don't show improvement in the roster. First of all, that sounds fun. Why not? Anyone else want to join the South Beach team trying to form a super-team? Also, why are you telling us this NOW, Steve? Far as I know, the trade deadline is passed, the winning teams have other things on their mind, and we are not in the offseason yet. Hold that thought, bro, until we care.
10) Colbert strikes again. The Tacocopter. Incredible. Check it out. http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/03/28/colbert-report-tacocopter_n_1385858.html
11) Trent Richardson impressed scouts at his pro-day this week. He is absolutely a stud, with multiple types of skills. Isn't it odd how the paradigm has shifted over the years? In 1986, Bo Jackson goes first. He hurts his hip early and is done permanently. In 1995, KiJana Carter goes first easily. He gets hurt, some guy named Terrell Davis wins a couple Super Bowls after being drafted in the sixth round, and look where we are at. No one really wants to touch the short shelf life of a running back early in the draft if they can help it. Trent Richardson looks like a gimme star, is projected to go 4th or 5th, and just know that the team that ends up with him will do it VERY nervously, when offensive defensive lineman with 13 year shelf lives are waiting in the wings.
12) If the Knicks keep rolling, Jeremy Lin comes back after his injury and does well, and he is asked to do a press conference, I think he should purposely say "excited" at least 10 times in the post game interview. Let's start a friendly "novelty" rivalry in the Big Apple. It will be fun.
13) I don't know if this is permanent or not, but this week Channel 3 in Denver started playing an hour of Hogan's Heroes. Don't know the show? Thinking it must be from the 80's like half of all other Fillerbuster's references? Nope. It was way before MY time. But, it is officially the only comedy before 1975 that I can truly laugh at. The freaking PLOT is funny, let alone the episodes themselves. Check this out. World War II. POW's in a German camp that have built tunnels and can escape anytime they want. Instead, they help assist with the war effort. They hook up with chicks, go out on liquor runs, blow up bridges, go dancing, make bombs, etc. Check it out sometime. Maybe then people will understand why I sometimes say "I know NOTHING!"
13a) Official comedy rankings in my book:
-Seinfeld
-TIE Cheers/ Family Guy
-Hogan's Heroes
13b) I was at work today, and I was told to make sure I was aware when our short onsite demonstration time was getting low. I suggested "Tippy Toe!" Don't get it? Here you go. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m4-FLg214x0
14) The NBA and the early entrants from UNC were a match made in heaven. See ya around, Henson, Marshall, and Barnes. Your lack of fight make you perfect for the league that lacks fire most of the time. You were MADE for the Association. Sorry, about your dream of all coming back together and trying to do half of what the Florida crew did in 2007. Guess THAT plan didn't work too well. Henson, have fun with really tall AND strong interior players. Marshall, you should go watch film of Jamaal Tinsley and Jacque Vaughn-you are the next coming because of your lack of a shot. Barnes, you don't need to go watch Rocky because you already have the body, but you need to watch some MJ video from the 90's...look in his eyes at the fire, look at the skills you possess, and then realize what it will take to make you great one...the table is set for you-you just need to top it off. But you need to take over games with the table that has been set.
15) In the yearly award for "if you take your small school to the Sweet 16, you will get job offers" hook, John Groce was offered the Illinois job. Except for Shaka Smart, we will get to the point where a small school freshman PG will actually THROW a second round game because he likes his coach and wants him to stay.
16) This week was the anniversary of the greatest college game in history. It's not just my opinion...far from it. UK/ Duke. Grant Hill to Christian Laettner. I despise Duke, but I can say I watched something that was above the level of a classic. If you have never seen a replay of the game, you are seriously missing out. If you are not the biggest basketball fan, watch it. Think of it this way. You can continue to hate other games, but you can say you sat through the best ever. (If you don't like those schools, cue up the replay of Villanova-Georgetown. Watch the conspiracy theory of a couple guys on cocaine taking down the mammoth that was Georgetown.).
17) Is Carmelo Anthony, due to all of the injuries, actually playing hurt, gritty, motivated, and even playing a little defense? Hey Rip Van Winkle, how long have I been asleep?
18) I agree with Stan Van Gundy. It is ridiculous to think the Kentucky Wildcats can beat the Wizards. I absolutely agree. 4 future NBA players versus 13 NBA players. Correct, Stan. I hate when anyone besides Charles Barkley makes absurd comments like these.
18a) (shhhh. has Stan even SEEN the Wizards play?? They are HORRIBLE. Can we set up this game if they win? Nevermind...)
18b) UK over Louisville. Ohio State over KU. Ohio State over UK. Hey, think about this. If I am wrong in the second game, we will have a final game palindrome. Get it? UKKU. He He He.
19) There are a lot of crazy people in the world. There are a lot of people doing dumber things that I hear about or read about. I know they are all government related, but I am confused why more UPS and Post Office trucks are not stolen. I see them left solo, sometimes running, all the TIME. I am a good guy, and I have even thought about it. If you picked a busy enough city or area of town, it would be tough to catch you too, because there are LOTS of those trucks out there driving around. It would be like the stolen vehicle version of The Thomas Crown Affair (the parts with the hats in the museum, people). Sounds like someone should do it.
20) ALL NFL turnovers will be reviewed, just in case you were looking for more time to ignore your families or have more time to grab a drink, perfect that dip, do laundry, go to the head, etc. You get two bad teams together, and you have a four hour game without overtime.
21) Article I didn't need to open to laugh hook. "Nike sues Reebok over Tebow Jets Jerseys." Wow, it feels good to have to have heard about that story in national, not local news. Yay. Thank you for leaving Tebow.
22) I hear that the female CEO of IBM MIGHT become the next member of Augusta. Call me when it happens. I will be waiting by the phone. They are SO sexist at that place. Shame.
23) Tom Coughlin VOLUNTARILY called out the Jets with "scoreboard." I guess that is the second Super Bowl ring does to you-being able to laugh next year when the annual "call for Coughlin's job" ritual occurs. Side note. I work with someone who actually didn't know what saying "scoreboard" means. True story.
24) A day after getting headlines for beating Federer in a non-Grand Slam event, Andy Roddick got beat. Welcome back to your underachieving world, Andy. Good to have you back as is.
25) #1 recruit Shabazz Muhammad shined in the HS All-Star game. Good job, Shabazz. Now, if you would stop scaring away the heavyweight schools by breaking the rules, we can recognize how scary of a player you are.
26) 1988 Kansas Champion hero Danny Manning agreed to take the head coaching job at Tulsa. If there was ONE young coach I was rooting for, it would be him. Dude put 4 other guys on his BACK for 6 games as an 8 seed, and won the whole thing. Bad. Ass. Class. Act.
27) I got some feedback on my "tuna must be getting smarter and faster" hook. Check it out. NOW I get why three tiny cans are never on sale and always increasing in price. Clarity. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zJfxdVI1Jio&feature=youtube_gdata_player
28) That is it, people. Have a great weekend, and know a blind (no internet access and unedited) airplane rant will be written on my Sunday morning flight to DC. Til then. Peace.
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