Read it, don't read it, I don't care...just need to get some things off my chest.
In no particular order of chronology or importance...
Hollywood, you're looking good. I am going after Viper.
1. What a night of baseball last night. What a night. I hope it is a foreshadowing of what the playoffs are going to be. Rain delays, 7 run comebacks, flipping all over the place, etc. The only thing that was missing? How the heck did they play those crazy games and neither league ended up in a playoff game? True, I love The Daily Show and Colbert Report. They are brilliant shows. I THOUGHT I had a good chance at watching a sudden death game tonight though. It would have been special. But let's look at last night again. The Cards won pretty easily, and then faked not watching the game with the media but then were caught. Good one. Anyway, the Cards have a nice staff with an ace or two, and a lineup that is baffling of how not good it is. They are kind of an enigma. As a Phils fan, I would rather be playing the Braves personally. St. Louis is 6-3 against the Phils this year. You look at the other series, the Brewers and DBacks, and you drool. You can't drool yet though. I get the feeling that the National League pennant series is starting Saturday. The Braves only have the luxury of a little less history and ravenous fans, but they get company in the headlines with the Red Sox posting a free fall like Rosanne Barr skydiving. Regardless of who we wanted or not wanted, I respect that Charlie Manuel played his starters even though the game was meaningless. Old freaking school, sir. In the AL, you had the irony of the Yankees having to help the Red Sox by beating the Rays. I can't wait for these conspiracy theories. It is almost like they teased them. 7-0, and then they lose. They now get to play the Tigers. Lucky them. Give me Detroit in that series (I have said for two months that there is NO WAY most teams can beat them in a best of five...best of 7, sure), and if that happens, suddenly the Rangers path looks like one where they should DEFINITELY kick themselves if they don't make the World Series. Bottom line is that you won't be surprised no matter who comes out of the AL. You just KNEW Buck Showalter was going to have his boys play hard to take down the Red Sox. Not only do you want to end your season with a win, but he is like the American League version of Charlie Manuel. Also, old freaking school. Give me Milwaukee, Philly, Detroit, and Texas...Philly and Texas...Philly. If I am wrong on the American League and the Yankees make the Series, that is fine with me. I would be glad for my boys to take down those guys. Done and done. Also, I get so excited at this time of year. I admit. I have a hard time sitting down and watching an entire baseball game in the middle of the summer. There are so many games, that each one seems not as meaningful. Maybe it is my background, and I love GOING to games, but I just can't do it in whole games. I watch the stats like a hawk, watch parts of games here and there, always try to catch the good ones in parts, and love when I am watching something that could turn into a no-hitter, MLB record of some kind, etc. The playoffs? WAY different story. I love every second of every game. There is so much finality in EVERY single move a manager makes. There is always a chance for an at bat that changes history. I love it, and can't wait until tomorrow when it starts. When managers start bringing in starters as closers in games, it is just freaking awesome.
2. What did YOU do on your summer vacation, Johnny? We know what Ben Wallace is doing. Mr. Wallace finished a long day of shooting drills, dribbling practice, and free throws. Just kidding. He lifted weights. He actually did some shooting drills, but since he was by himself on the court, he actually calls that rebound practice. That is how he is so good at rebounding. ANYWAY, he went out and got a DWI. Insiders say that he was saying at the bar, "this is the ONLY place I get too many shots..." Good job, bro. Europe and China not calling you??? Lonely? Do me a favor though, Ben. I would say hire an on-call limo driver to be safe, but I see what happened to another king of rebound with a driver...maybe not the best idea for you...
3. If you get unemployed, don't call Ozzie Guillen to express your sob story. Dude had the quickest turn around I remember, by parting with the White Sox and getting picked up with the Marlins in no time. He can talk a little shit, not that he has ever needed a reason. He is going to a club where everyone on the field can invite like 1000 people a piece for tickets, they HAVE won twice before so it can happen, they are at a low so he can only go up, he got Chicago a World Series Championship so the fans there can't bitch, and Florida has nice weather. Why not, dude?
4. I see there is a new movie coming called The Three Musketeers. I didn't look it up, but it just feels like there have been about 3 remakes and the Three Amigos in the last twenty years. Isn't there some Hollywood rule on how much you can remake movies? It is like a rap song having to wait a certain amount of years before using a song for their groove. Then, I watch the preview for Three Musketeers, and I think there are now four of them. Is that the huge plot twist? Is the chick in the preview the fourth? I am so confused.
5. I was in the gym locker room the other day. I am voicing this as a disclaimer because otherwise there is NO WAY I watch any part of the following interview. Some interview show with a chick as the host. Tamika Catchings was on. I thought nothing of it until the chick host said "good luck in tomorrow's game, Tamika." I froze. All I knew were that the WNBA playoffs were occurring. I wasn't sure who was in them, but then I went home and checked. Yes. Tamika was playing in a playoff game the day after the talk show. You want me to take the WNBA (Dawn Staley, I still think you are a badass) seriously and there is a player in an interview on a talk show in the middle of the series? Come on. Can you see MJ on Oprah before they rolled to Utah for Game 3? I think not. In case you care, the interview prompted me to score check the day after the game to see how she did. Her team lost. They are done.
6. David Stern has announced that the NBA's season is "in peril." Thanks, Einstein. What? Do you read my rant and want to win the "the grass is green, and the sky was blue" take? Thanks for clearing that shit up for us. I actually had no idea that the peril existed at this point. Actually, I did. Kobe has proactively come forward and announced where he will play if the season is cancelled. Yup. If he is talking about it, then the NBA is knee deep in shit right now. Mr. Stern, think about a couple things. You need the season. Trust me. First, every single sport that has had a strike/ lockout has taken 2-3 years to get its fans back. Second, there are a lot of basketball purists out there who have to force themselves to watch your brand of basketball (not me actually, I just talk to a lot of people who are in that camp)-don't give them more material. Third, LeBron will now have an out. "Dammit. THIS was the year! Damn that lockout. You would have seen the REAL me!" Fourth, close your eyes. David Stern, seriously, close your eyes. They're closed? OK. Imagine DeShawn Stephenson, Ron Artest, and Gilbert Arenas having too much free time. Yup. Thought so. Fourth (A), Kevin Garnett is a mean guy. Kevin Garnett was going to give a go for one more year. I wouldn't want him angry at me. Just saying.
7. Jose Reyes is within percentage points of Ryan Braun in the batting race, he hits a bunt single, and then takes himself out. I don't care how you spin this, this is loser-esque. Dude. If there was any sport of unwritten rules and etiquette that you don't pull this in, I would say it is baseball. Speaking of old school managers, something tells me that even though he is a phenomenal athlete and baseball player coming into his prime, that Charlie Manuel and Buck Showalter are not networking for your number. That would be like someone consciously sending Colonel Klink to the Russian Front. Not going to work.
8. Lock your windows and doors. Javaris Crittenton is out on bond. I guess I will have to now track killer bees AND Javaris on GPS alert.
9. I have seen that Channel 4 van drive down my street two more times this week at the relative same time. It must be a van he takes home. I HAVE to unlock this mystery. Have to.
10. I have gotten past my battles, but is it bad that I was mildly impressed that Al Unser got busted this week for speeding at 101 mph with a BAC of .16. Dude. Are you kidding me? 101 MPH?? DRUNK?? You must have been a racecar driver or something. Just because Chad, Ron, DeShawn, Sebastian, and Terrell had a quiet week doesn't mean you should be stupid and TRY to be a topic. Dumb. Just plain ole' dumb. I talked to the cops. They busted him when they noticed him going around a curve that went right.
11. Interesting situation at LSU. You are in the most intense fan base in the country, and your preseason starting QB gets his charges lessened to a misdemeanor. He is coming back, people. Les. Listen to me. Don't change a thing. Not a thing. You can go to sleep knowing you have the best backup QB in the land, but don't mess with what you got. Jarrett is doing just fine. More people will support you not bringing him back for football AND moral reasons than will support you if you make a change and lose. Don't do it.
12. In the wake of the Braves collapse, can anyone believe that Derek Lowe made $15 mil this season? Yup. $15 mil. 9-17 with a 5.05 ERA. Way to live up to that contract bro. The Braves are like whoever the hell signed the band Warrant to do an album in 1995. Insane. Yes. Someone did do that. I love that band, but am saying that no one should have signed them up in 1995. Hell, I think Pearl Jam already had 3 albums by then.
13. Tiger jacked Dustin Johnson's caddy. OK. Good start, moron. At least we know you have someone to carry your clubs. Now, you just need to work on those other two kind of important things, the space between your ears and...uhhh...your swing. Your swagger is gone. Stay away from Perkins, man. And evidently, don't call Al Unser, Jr. for a ride home if you DO go to Perkins.
14. STOP TELLING ME ABOUT SUPER CONFERENCES! That's it. I am over it. Just tell me where everyone ends up so I know what to memorize. Pick up Brett Favre to head up one, and I can totally throw my TV through my window.
15. NOT Moneyball. Freddy Garcia has been announced as the third starter for the Yankees. I don't even want to know how much the two guys he got picked over, Colon and Burnett, are getting paid.
16. The alleged tree poisoner has formally apologized to Auburn. That is like shedding tears while apologizing to someone for sleeping with their wife. Dude. Just a thought. I think I would watch the big game this year on your couch. Alone. Actually, I hear Steve Bartman would be interested in having a couple beers. Give him a ring.
17. I am confused. I remember growing up and eating chicken cordon bleu. I remember as a kid that I would bite into the chicken and the fancy cheese was in the middle, and usually drip down my chin. I have randomly had chicken cordon bleu twice in the last 6 weeks here in Denver. They put the cheese on the outside. A slice. It tastes great, but I need to know. Did cooks get lazy since the mid eighties? Was it a regional thing (I know, New Jersey is kind of the armpit of the nation anyway. Go ahead. Tell your jokes. I have heard most of them)? Is it a Denver thing? I am confused. I miss the cheese in the middle, dammit.
18. I know we are in an age of information. I know people want to know more because there is access to it. However, I really don't care and don't want to know this new information on Walter Payton. We remember that he was one of the greatest runners of all time. The sins aren't anything horrible on society, they are on himself. It is a sad story about the drugs and suicide threats. Unless the person brings them out themselves, I just don't see the point in making light of it. Let him rest in peace, man.
19. 40% people. That is my theory. In any big story, we know 40% tops. I am not going to get into the Simmonds/ Avery gay slur, and then the banana being thrown out at Simmonds. All I am saying that when the toughest guys in the world are carrying around sharp sticks and allowed to hit each other, I just get the feeling that this just happens to be one that was caught by the public eye. Something tells me a lot worse goes on out there. It is preseason. I will see if this develops anymore before commenting too much.
20. Check out the Stephen Colbert interview with Radiohead if you have a moment. It is pretty damn funny. Combine Colbert being pro-American, corporate Colbert with a non-corporate band where it was pretty obvious that either 1) the lead singer was totally smoked up 2) he has been smoked up for so long that he just comes across that way had me rolling off the couch. Plus, it is kind of funny when people get in front of Colbert in a Q & A and evidently weren't warned of how he rolls...
21. Adrian Peterson is confused about his amount of rushes. Join the club, bro. I am an unbiased outsider, but he has 58 rushes in 3 games. He is averaging 5.1 per rush. They are 0-3. I don't care what the damn score is. That guy is a freak of nature. He is like the running back version of Shannon Sharpe at the TE position back in the day. Give him the ball. No, he is not on my fantasy team. It is just an opinion.
22. Dammit. DAMMIT! There HAS to be a joke here somewhere. Hold on. No. Just not coming to me. The Big Three from the Heat are holding a charity game. The closest I got to a cheeseball one was "Dirk wanted to play it in Vail, but the Big Three said no-with-ski..." Moving on.
23. Picks:
Penn State -16 @ Indiana...JoePa is back on the sidelines and they look a lot better since that has happened. Take them this week before Stardust levels it out.
Georgia Tech -10.5 @ NC State...it is one thing for a good team to adjust to the triple option for one week when no one else plays it...it is another thing for a bad team to adjust...they win by two touchdowns...
Bama -4 @ Florida...have you people SEEN Bama play yet?...in Gainesville or not, the better team wins AT LEAST by a touchdown...
(BIASED PICK ALERT)
Wisconsin -10 at home vs. Nebraska...I am sticking with them. At home. More proof to the masses how good they are. Win your money before everyone else knows how good they are...trust me.
East Carolina +7 at home vs. UNC...The only good news for UNC is that because they take a bus to away games, they can't get parking tickets...
VA Tech -7 at home vs. Clemson...4-0? I don't care. Va Tech might have been a loss for me last week, but they are at home, and Clemson is a pretender...
Baylor -4 @ Kansas State...it is very obvious to me that Baylor is not televised in other parts of the country...run with this one... 31-10 is my call...Griffin is a stud.
24. Cutting it off. I know. Lack of NFL football this week, but I think I will bust out a rant on Saturday. Seinfeld moving to 11pm really jacked up my schedule. Talk to you this weekend. May the force be with you. Peace...
Thursday, September 29, 2011
Monday, September 26, 2011
092611-Lightning Storms and DeLoreans
Read it, don't read it, I don't care...just need to get some things off my chest.
In no particular order of chronology or importance...
Let's turn and burn...
1. I have a feeling twitter activity will be pretty low in the Ochocinco household for a week or two. Chad, I am impressed that you have already soaked in the Patriots' playbook and were where you needed to be on a late game situation play. Of course, you had a perfect pass thrown from Mr. Brady. Now, you have to concentrate a little harder on that key part of your job...the whole catching thing. You are at a place where they don't like losing ANY games. Period. They don't start the season hoping for a 10-6 season like those guys in Cincy. EVERY play is important. The system has shown it is successful over the years. You finally have a good chance to get to the big game. Don't blow it. We already know that off the field you are kind of wacky, but we still were under the impression you were a pretty good receiver. You had scapegoats in Cincy. You don't now, bro. And don't come back at me and say that your team scored on that drive anyway, so it was a push. There were 3 minutes left in the game when you finally scored. And what did you run out of at the end of the game? Time.
2. Solid article in Sporting News about Justin Verlander. My little tidbit pull from that article? He calls his own game. I thought that was amazing. I don't know the stats overall on what percentage of MLB pitchers call their own game, but it has to be less than 5%. To me, that is like Tiger Woods playing when he was good without a caddy. Verlander is the real deal. If my Phils choke somehow, I think I will be rooting for Detroit in the playoffs.
3. It is like Denard Robinson reads my rants. I say in preseason I have no idea of why he is not on any Heisman lists. Then he has kind of a slow start, so he continues to fly under the radar. This past week he accounts for 446 yards of offense, with four rushing TD's and over 200 yards rushing. Realize I am NOT saying he will win it. There is that whole him being a QB who can't pass very well thing. 8-17 with 2 interceptions...yeah...don't think that will fly, no pun intended. He is going to have a hard time beating Griffin from Baylor, let alone the rest of the field. Athlete? Yes. QB. Probably not. You guys would have to run the table for you to have a chance. Probably not going to happen.
4. Deion Sanders filed for divorce with his wife. Ummm...Ok. Here we go, I am just in the mood. Evidently, he is filing because she is not the strong Pil(l)ar he thought she was. Hee hee. Insiders are against the notion that it is because he is a fai...uhhh...nevermind on that one. Umm. Once the divorce goes through, he will once again be an island. Reporters tried to talk to Pilar, but she wasn't open. I want to add one about "shutdown corner," but nothing is popping in my head, and these rants always have to keep on moving.
5. I understand mathematics. I also understand football. I know that coaches have the little charts they carry around with them with the breakdown of situations, so they know when to go for a two point conversion. However, the Pitt/ ND game was an ugly enough game anyway up to this point, but I personally think that going for a two point conversion 2/3 of the way through the THIRD quarter when you are up 12-7 is just a little premature. There is a lot of football left, they have scored 7 points on you, and you are at home. Kind of glad you lost. Maybe you just knew you weren't going to score anymore and were maximizing it while you could. Anyway, I think sometimes this two point conversion just gets a little too much on a slippery slope over the years.
6. I know I sometimes make jokes about refs having bloody mary's before games with some of the games they call. Yes, I know they have to make instantaneous decisions. However. Did you see that blown call in the Syracuse/ Toledo game? I have no problem with a ref missing a call. We are human. But to get another slow motion look at it, and STILL say that it was good? Hilarious.
7. I watched it live and it was pretty freaking amazing. If you haven't seen Alabama's punt return for a touchdown against Arkansas this past week, you need to check it out. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y2CJUuR3ypU
8. NBA training camp has been officially delayed. I am not bothered by this. Sure, I am a little nervous, but we have football right now. We still have the better energy college bball going to go shortly, and I don't really think I will miss the NBA until February of next year after football is done. Well, except for Christmas day. All that being said, as I am writing this take, I am kind of talking tough. I don't want an asterisk by who wins because it was a shortened season. Get it done, guys. Get it done. The players have shown flexibility, the owners aren't budging. Find mutual ground and get this shit done.
9. An Italian team has made Kobe an offer. If he signs elsewhere, THEN I know there is little hope.
10. JoePa was back on the sidelines. I am glad. LOVE that guy. Good to have you back by your guys, sir. Football should be saddened as a whole when you retire. And you got SCREWED in 1992, sir.
11. So you are telling me that Peyton is pretty much down for the count, but they won't put him on IR? What is this...hockey? Are the Colts holding out on us? You are not exactly staying in playoff contention presently. Are you going to surprise us and bring him back after you start 0-5?
12. I finally watched a UFC fight. OK. Actually, I needed to be somewhere at 10pm, and the place across the street had the fight for free and I needed a place to watch the end of the LSU-WVU game also. That being said, I did have interest in the fight. Rampage Jackson was the last old school fighter I knew before I stopped really caring about it. I watched the first 5 of them, but then kind of drifted off. Rampage was a name I remember though. Anyway, the fight was pretty much what I expected from the tape I had seen of Jones. As the rounds went by, it was obvious that Rampage just wanted to go the distance, and stay as far away from Jones as possible. He initially didn't have that plan and I respect him for that, but then he had the experience of what it was like when Jones took him down the first time. Punishment. Jackson danced and dodged best he could after miraculously getting out of the hold the first time, but the second time he went down, you knew it was over. I was most excited that a fight with crazy moves that I don't know ended in a very traditional headlock. As far as Jones go, that is one bad dude. His style is so complex, it is almost beautiful to watch. Rampage was backing off, but odd kicks from every angle continued to hurt him. Overall, decent fight (ok, maybe I am just used to the crap boxing fights of the last 10 years). One other point I would like to make on this topic. I like to take overall groups of interviews from sports and flow chart them and see what I get. I find it amazing that two of the most violent sports out there have the best interviews. Hockey players are almost always well spoken and classy. UFC and MMA the same. The interviews with those guys always raises my eyebrows of how top notch they sound. Hey, NBA and NFL, take note. Good stuff.
13. These two wildcard races in MLB have suddenly become really fun. As I am writing this, Tampa Bay could tie it up tonight with 2 left, while the Cards and Braves are separated by a game on their side. Two remarkable letdowns by the Braves and Red Sox. Maybe I am paying attention so much to them though to distract me from whatever the hell the Phillies are doing. Someone tell me that in baseball they have found a way to rest your starters or something. It is not just that they are losing-it is who they are losing to. Painful stuff.
14. I need to find a DeLorean and inside information on the next lightning storm. Clemson is 4-0. I am going to wear a polo with the collar unfolded tomorrow and put REO Speedwagon on my IPod.
15. The Yankees want Cashman back as GM next year. Talk about a weird job. It is basically a lot of luck. You are judged on championships, and have a job that pretty much entails someone saying "Here is $240 million, a list of the top free agents, a cell phone, and a calculator. Good luck. We can get you more money if you need it."
16. Good segue. I check out Moneyball first thing after work on Friday. I initially gave it an A-, but after letting it sink in a little, I will give it a B+. I think it was very well done. Since I love baseball, I am not sure if non-baseball people will dig it, meaning it will lose a lot of fans through that possibly. Brad Pitt did excellent in his role. Actually, the whole cast was nicely set up. The storyline did well at not talking down to baseball fans, but not rushing the non-fans. I docked it slightly for a couple inaccuracies, but overall the movie was pretty fact clean. I did walk out of the theater, and immediately google whether Jeremy Giambi was already on the squad when Brad Pitt "signs" him. He was. Troublesome, but not a deal breaker. Anyway, it is worth the movie loot. Go see it. I will let my buddy at his site do the full movie breakdown at some point. http://rockiesmovies.blogspot.com/ My final takes are this. Rounders is a great movie if you understand poker. It is a good movie if you don't. I think this was a "solid" movie if you don't understand baseball, but probably just above watchable if you don't. Also, it probably would have been a better plot...if the Oakland A's would have ever won the thing. They kind of pulled out the "Rocky is just going to go the distance, but not win the fight in the first one" concept, and pulled it off for the most part. I know it takes a while to make a movie (actually, I do-I worked one once), but it is kind of a shame that people are coming out of the theater and then saying "hey, I wonder how the Oakland A's are doing right now...what? 72-87? Are you saying the losses first, honey?" Bad timing. One other thing. Not much mention of Zito, Hudson, Moulder, or Tejada. I know the objective is to glorify the number crunching part of it, but those guys were pretty darn good that year. Hey, Jason Statham, this IS based on a true story. And none of the baseball players were in the batter's box in a chair.
17. Baffling story. Red Sox John Lackey is angry about an unknown media person sending an unknown text about an unknown personal topic. Kind of hard for me to feel bad for you, dude, with all of that information. Thanks.
18. Speaking of lightning storms and DeLoreans, I bet you Jason Hanson is thinking the same thing. Dude thinks it is 1992, and keeps looking over his shoulder for Barry. Good times for you right now, Jason. I hope you guys keep it going.
19. Tennessee's Kenny Britt is out for season with an ACL tear. Dude, get the surgery done, and now you have PLENTY of time for stripclubs, domestic disturbances, and whatever else your creative mind thinks you want to do. My rant would have more takes. Make me proud.
20. I feel like equilibrium is setting in now that the college football season has begun. Miami and FSU were being touted as two teams about to insert themselves back on the elite level. Meanwhile, Miami got busted, FSU has dropped a couple games....AND an FSU player was arrested Monday morning for doing something wrong. Yay. Things are back to normal.
21. In case you are missing the Redskins/ Cowboys game, which I am watching in between takes, you don't have to worry about this being broadcast on ESPN Classic as an "instant classic." It kind of looks like a good team with lots of injuries playing against a pretend 2-0 team. Yup. Kind of just like that. I just heard the words "the punting has been VERY good tonight." Yup.
22. Will Leitch from Deadspin beat me to this take. Buffalo is 3-0. Detroit is 3-0. Are there two other teams that people really don't dislike as much as these two teams? Detroit is a perennial loser that only had a flash when some #20 was running circles around 8 men in the box. Buffalo lost 4 STRAIGHT Super Bowls, had one of the most incredible plays ever in playoff history deny them a playoff win and extending their season, and would NOT be one of the cities to have a team if we erased the league and started over. Great stories.
23. I go to the coolest church in the world. Seriously. It is a non-denominational, rock concert like, most genuine non-assuming honest pastor...heaven, no pun intended. Anyway, they are having a singles retreat in late October. I think I might go. The places I presently meet chicks don't seem to be working, I am only in the grocery store for 25 minutes with my iPod on, and don't talk to anyone at the gym...and no one really randomly walks by my apartment who I could talk to...what the heck, right? If I meet anyone, I hope they understand that the Steelers play at 2pm on that Sunday. Is that bad that I already checked that? I will be honest. She might as well know what she is getting into, right?
24. Diana Nyad made 82 of the 103 miles from Cuba to Florida. Jellyfish got her. Shame. I am glad she is ok though. Couldn't she have gotten treatment on one of the rowboats defecting, and then carried on? Pansy. Just kidding.
25. Home. Awesome crowd. Potent offense. You think WVU is not a believer in SEC team speed these days? Thought so.
26. The Brewers win division for first time since 1982. I have already used the lightning storm and DeLorean joke twice already, so I will just say on this topic..."here's a little story, about Jack and Diane..."
27. Vick plays and then gets hurt again. Which will happen first? Michael Vick coming back, Vince Young saying something stupid, or me figuring out who the hell Mike Kafka is...
28. Orlando Brown died this week. My thoughts go out to your family. It is a shame you were most known for getting almost blinded by a flag, but...you were one badass dude.
29. The Yankees faked interest in Carl Crawford to drive the price up on the Red Sox. Talk about the opposite of Moneyball.
30. Something about the Dodgers being up for sale...yada yada yada...I just need to cover all of the stories sometimes. I feel no need to expand OR make jokes on this topic. Just mentioning it...
31. Rangers take the AL West, and the DBacks take the NL West. I feel pretty confident in saying that you can eliminate both of these teams from "players" for the World Series. One lacks pitching, and the other lacks hitting.
32. Bill Haas won the Tour Championship. Listen. I LOVE golf. I watch more golf than most. However, if I have to look up one more freaking person who wins a major or semi-major, I am going to call Kenny Britt to go out and drink. I don't want that. You don't want that. I like parity, but can we have some heavyweights please?
33. Exiled soccer coach Bradley is coaching Egypt now. There just has to be a joke there. HAS to be. Damn. If it was basketball, I was going to play the triangle offense card, but it is soccer...might come back to this one.
34. Anyone else have the feeling that Spurrier just wants to go throw to the most talented receiver in the nation himself? He has a well behaved kid who sucks, and a badly behaved one with the tools but not much of a head on his shoulders. Alshon Jeffery could go THIRD in the draft (Andrew Luck, Quinton Coples, and Jeffery are projected right now), and he is averaging 61 yards a game...not his fault. I would make a Corey Maggette joke (this is a tough joke to pull or understand, but think about it-there is a parallel. It is a Top Gun parallel-it is "inverted"), but this kid IS that good. Too bad.
35. Alfonso Soriano feels "mistreated" about hitting 7th. Chandler. Too many jokes. Seriously, dude. Keep talking though. We have room on the Artest, Ocho, DeShawn, Owens, Janikowski team. We always have time. Kenny Britt is our DH, but go out and DUI and I will put you in the mix.
36. Picks from the weekend. How did I do?
BYU/ Central Florida: Win
Mich/ SD State: Win
FSU/ Clemson: LOSS-just so you know, Manuel playing is the ONLY way I would have took this bet. If I was more than a consultant, I would have waited on this bet until game time.
Nevada/ Texas Tech: Win
Miss St./ Louisiana Tech: LOSS. Really?
Baylor/ Rice: Win
USC/ Ariz St.: LOSS. K. I will stop involving USC in my bets.
Bama/ Arkansas: Win Easiest one on the board, people.
So, 5-2, and a loss with a injury asterisk.
37. That's it. The work I didn't do tonight, I have to wake up at 5am and do it tomorrow. What did one shepherd say to the other shepherd? Let's get the flock out of here. Talk to you Thursday. NOW I'm done.
Thursday, September 22, 2011
092211-MOOPS, Yadas, and Fake, Fake, Fake, Fake...
Read it, don't read it, I don't care...I just need to get some things off my chest.
In no particular order of chronology or importance...
Mentally drained from work...we will be testing the whole stream of consciousness theory...but I have to blog twice a week, so I guess I am the poor man's version of MJ playing with the flu...hope I score 63. Hope I score 30. Shit.
1. I find it funny that Greg Norman picked this week to counter the notion by Jack Nicklaus last week. Greg declared that Tiger will NOT win 18 Majors. Who cares who is right or wrong? We have YEARS to laugh at either notion. However, you are telling me that a guy with TWO British Opens on his resume comes out and talks about someone ELSE after a guy who won EIGHTEEN Majors just spoke his mind on the same guy? I love Gary Williams, but that is like him telling us that LeBron James will not win a title one week after John Wooden just said he would. Thanks, Einstein. Let's go split the atom while we are at that. Listen, Shark. Even Wikipedia knows what you are famous for. 1996. 1989. ETC. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Greg_Norman Hell, I talked so much about the Shark that I almost forgot to tell you why it is funny THIS week. It is because the Red Sox and Braves are pulling a "Greg Norman '96" the same week he talks about Tiger. Dude. As little of titles as you have, as many as you should have won, and as likable as you are, just stop talking about others. As Winger once said, go "Down Incognito." Yes, I just pulled a freaking Winger reference. I love Winger. Yup.
2. This is a sports rant. Just KNOW this was at the top of my list even though I say "In no particular order of chronology or importance...yada, yada, yada..." On school nights, I usually go to bed at 9:45 40% of the time. The other 60% of the time, I watch Seinfeld from 10-11pm and that is classified as a "crazy" night. 11:05 is late to me. I am up at 5am. Anyway, my local channel moved, this week, Seinfeld to 11-12. AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! You have JACKED my entire schedule up. I can't do that, WGN. Just because I am a dumb Einstein and can operate on 4.5 hours sleep regularly doesn't mean I practice that option. Seriously? There are only FOUR Seinfeld episodes On Demand at a time weekly. I refuse to use DVR after the Arkansas/ UNLV 1991 bball game and the guy with the 40 ounce of Private Stock ruined it. I own some, but that is not the SAME. It was my schedule. I felt lost this week at 9:50, making that important decision of going to sleep or watching Seinfeld. Don't worry. Some person at WGN will be hearing from me this weekend. I didn't even get any lobster...
3. Wow. Two long first two takes. I have a feeling my mentally drained brain just woke up. Moving on.
4. Steve Spurrier has come forward that South Carolina is not in any real trouble. Where is the follow up question? I would have jumped on him about giving Garcia back his starting job like 3 times in a HEARTBEAT. Slackers. I have a feeling he would have started talking about being at a bar late night...yada yada yada...lack of options...Spurrier is a formal Heisman winner and famous also for being the QB on that winningless Tampa Bay team. If I was a QB coming out of HS with skills, I would DEFINITELY go play for him still. He is still getting great receivers, too. Garcia. You are like the opposite of Tim Tebow. You have the build, the arm, the speed, etc. to be a good QB. But no one is better off for it spending 5 or 20 minutes with you.
5. Did I miss something? That hottie from Modern Family has a perfume out. I SWEAR she said it was sold at KMART. Sofia or something. I am not looking this up. I think it is funnier that I saw it once, thought I heard that, and am coming clean with my heard comment without any research. This is a stream of consciousness. No look-ups.
6. The beaten Giants fan, per his family, is speaking again. Horrible story, and I hope so bad he makes some kind of decent recovery. Sick, sick story.
7. I think Sebastian, Terrell, Metta World Peace, Ochocinco, and DeShawn all took the last few days off. My theory is that they are brewing for a great week next week, maybe all together. In honor of their silence, Manny, the old king of the idiot hill, has made the wire twice this week after beating his girl. He was ruled ineligible for the Dominican team, and then turned around a day later and applied for reinstatement to MLB. Dude. Where should I go with this one? Oh. Here we go. It's Moops, Manny. Moops.
8. Mike Modano retires. Class act. Great player. You were probably the best American-born forward in the history of the game. Congrats on your Cup with the Stars in 1999. Best to you, Mike. You were a joy to watch play.
9. Things that absolutely confuse me. I KNOW it is part of a successful series, and the other two aren't bad, but CSI Miami is still on??? Just give that show the Emmy for best comedy sitcom for the next 5 years, take it off the air, and you have plenty of room for a good show on TV. If they don't get Corey Hart as a cameo in one of their episodes, they are IDIOTS.
10. I am not a homer for the Nuggets even though I live here. However, kind of weird they are about to take the hardest hit if this NBA lockout shit continues. Wilson Chandler already is out of here, Gallinari (I am a HUGE fan of his game. HUGE fan. As much as Tom Chambers. Yup. I just pulled a Tom Chambers reference) is going to go kill time in Italy, and Kenyon is chatting about China. You get rid of your superstar (I was totally down with that trade...unbiased), have an up and coming team, and then this happens? Wow.
11. Michael Vick is evidently going to play this week. Evidently, they gave him standard concussion tests, but since he did so bad on the initial non-concussion tests before he got hurt, he pretty much still seems normal. I can't WAIT until Ron Artest gets a concussion. Just a joke, people...not rooting for any injuries. I am still chuckling.
12. Either a brown noser, or truly in touch with what he does well in high school basketball. UCLA just inked the #2 recruit...Kyle Anderson. He said he is excited to go there to learn to play better defense. So. Either he looked up Ben Howland on Wikipedia, or he truly knows that at this point he is just a badass scorer. Either way. Nice pull, Ben. Well, you don't ever have to feel like you are trying to revive a football school, right? The brass is already there.
13. I got a scare this week. First of all, I am HORRIFIED of bees. Wasps, bees, hornets. It is truly the only thing that I can say I will literally run from in ANY situation. I have almost gotten in car wrecks because of them. I have had girls laugh at me and stop talking to me because of my reaction. If I was in the military still, and held top secret information, I would take all pain the enemy inflicted unless they put a wasp in the room. Even a bumblebee (childhood stuff). I am not even allergic to them (I guess I could be now, but I run too fast away from them over the last 20 years). ANYWAY, I read that a golf tournament was cancelled because of "70K Bees." I opened the story and felt better. You see, initially, I thought it read K Bees, like KILLER bees. I track those things on GPS and will move if Colorado gets invaded too much. However, luckily, it was just 70,000 regular bees. I am ok now. That was a close one...
14. I am here for you all. In case there is a 3-way Wildcard tie, here you go. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Major_League_Baseball_tie-breaking_procedures
15. DeAngelo Hall. Dude. I love you. Thanks for letting us know you will go for the ribs on Romo this week if he plays. The guys further from the ball always do the most talking. Where do you usually aim for? Knees? Head? Toes? We all know everyone will be looking to hit his ribs, but I see no reason to say it to the media. Do you just get lonely and want to talk? You are like the poor man's Deion Sanders. Or the championshipless chatty Charles Woodson.
16. The Pac-12 and ACC are trying to build super conferences, and the Big East might add East Carolina. That is like missing the gym for a year, going in a bender, and suddenly realizing you can't pull the chicks you used to. I have directional school jokes I could add, but will hold off on those until I get more information.
17. I said the Angels a couple weeks ago were going to catch Texas in their division. They won't. But I should get an asterisk if they make the playoffs as a wildcard. They are making a nice run, and Tampa is getting all the pub.
18. Criminal Minds first episode was pretty darn good. Aside from the fact that they faked the death of an agent we all liked and came across kind of cheesy, it was good.
19. I don't remember a year when so many first year highly picked QB's were taking the helm. Newton is the most heralded 0-2 QB ever, Dalton is still my pick to be the best of the lot, and Blaine Gabbert is taking over the helm for future Hall of Famer Luke McCown. Amazing.
20. Story I didn't open. 2 Live Crew front man sues Miami booster. I am just so glad to know that Luther Campbell is still around. Talk about creating a musical niche for yourself back in the day...
21. Bad luck for Domenik Hixon will miss his 2nd straight season with an ACL injury. That is like going to McDonald's and seeing Marcus Vick.
22. BIG NEWS! I am here to report it. NASCAR tweaks its rules on drafting for the big Talledega race. You know what that means, don't you? You know...Something significant I am sure. Also, I would like to predict 6 possible NASCAR guys who could take the crown from the #48 this year. Matt Kenseth, Kyle Busch, Kurt Busch, Jeff Gordon, Kevin Harvick, and Carl Edwards. Ummm. You got me. I just read that straight from Sporting News. Rubbing's racing, boys.
23. Jay Cutler is trying to prove to people that he is not a pansy from last year's playoff game. 11 sacks later, I am actually rooting for him. Hey, offensive line, can you give him a chance? I am not sure I like or hate him, but protect him so I have time to make a decision at least.
24. I think we don't need to worry about Oklahoma and Texas going anywhere anytime soon. They got commissioner Beebe out of the mix this week. AND. The Pac-12 decided they are done adding teams. Good. It lets go of the idea that I can make jokes how the Pac-16 would be using the World Cup pod system in future conference tournaments. Chandler. Too many jokes.
25. I still read them. I admit it. But I am against projecting year stats after two games of any sport. Brady is on pace for what? 7500 yards? Project AFTER the Buffalo game. Side note, if anyone breaks Dan Marino's 5084 record, I would LOVE if it was Ryan Fitzpatrick. That would be awesome. I had to take the Wonderlic test for my job. You know. The test of common sense and basic algebra that Vince Young made that test famous by scoring a 16 out of 50, but then it was made public that Dan Marino also scored a 16. I took it and busted out a OK 34. You have two choices. Make sure everything is right and only get through 35 questions, or answer all of them and guestimate on 10-15 of them. I went for the answer every one approach. There is just not enough time. Back to my point, two of the top 3 scores ever for the NFL were Harvard's Pat McInally's (Cincy punter), and Ryan Fitzpatrick's (Buffs QB) 48.
26. If you like Star Wars, and if you like Family Guy, you are shooting yourself in the foot by never seeing Family Guy's versions of the last 3 episodes of Star Wars (you know, the first three). Stewie is Darth Vader. Climb on the bandwagon. We still have room.
27. My mom is more excited to hear what I think about Moneyball this weekend than I am to see it...barely. My mom ROCKS.
28. Harry Met Sally. Seinfeld...fake, fake, fake, fake. Hey, Giants, if ONE of you went down, I would still try to believe you weren't faking it, but TWO of you? Get your act down. NOW. We are opening Pandora's Box by trying how to penalize it DURING the game. You can penalize them, but only AFTER the game, and they will still have time to have someone hit them with a hammer to make it believable before they are "summoned promptly (you need to listen to Mike and Mike along with reading this rant)." That was kind of funny. I am not going to explain it.
29. I am not the brightest bulb on the tree, but Guillen came out this week and wants a contract extension. Am I looking at women's baseball standings by mistake? Aren't you guys below .500? What is the catch? You are so funny, Ozzie. Get the extension. We would miss you.
30. Useless fact for the week. There have been more TD's in the first 2 weeks than ever before in history. My conspiracy theory that this is a direct parallel to the Skins, Bills, and Lions all doing well.
31. Gilbert going down for the season does not change my opinion on UT. I am not a fan. I am an unbiased observer. I just think people are sleeping on UT (don't worry, Wisconsin is STILL my sleeper BCS champion). I have NO idea on why no one is seeing it as a speedbump for OU, but watch your ass, Landry. Gilbert slipped to third on the depth chart shortly before this news, so that is why there is no cause for alarm. And we know they always have the speed and horses to match up with anyone...any year.
32. I don't claim to be an NFL expert, but just found it odd that the Ravens suddenly decided to sign Ngata to a new contract 2 1/2 weeks into the season. Were they trying to erase themselves off the wire after that letdown to Tennessee after destroying my boys? You succeeded.
33. She is SO still #1. I love her. I got sad hearing about the story of Halle Berry breaking her leg. When you get better, do you want to go see Moneyball with me (even thought it will be my second time seeing it)? http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2011/09/22/halle-berry-breaks-her-fo_n_976587.html
34. Picks...I know. I only went 4-3 last week. I think that leaves me 18-5 for the year. Here you go, bettors...
35. Hold on. I just heard a new one for me on ESPN Sportscenter. I got 99 problems, but that pitch ain't one. AWESOME.
36. Back to picks (I have 11 written down, got to pick 8...hmmm):
-BYU -4 home against Central Florida...did Stardust think they are playing SOUTH Florida?
-Michigan -9.5 home against SD State...really? Denard is still my sleeper for the Heisman
-FSU -3 away against Clemson...they were plus 3.5 against OU and it was a great game. Clemson beat someone who lost like 15 starters...come on.
-Nevada +15.5 away against Texas Tech...did someone forget that Nevada is still a quality team and that Texas Tech is not proven?
-Miss St. -18 home against Lousiana Tech...this isn't a women's basketball game, right? Because they would get ROCKED if it was.
-Baylor -19.5 at home against Rice...Griffin continues his Heisman quest...not much resistance here.
-USC +1.5 away against Arizona State...talent level. horses. ASU. not there yet...USC on probation or not.
-Bama -12.5 home against Arkansas...sure, this is SEC. sure, both are good. But did Ryan Mallet redshirt? At home. Take it and be confident. Two touchdown win minimum.
DO NOT MESS WITH:
South Carolina
VA Tech
UVA (I think the bet is good, but I am biased. Don't do it)
37. These are the things that intrigue me. My neighbor got evicted, and all of his things are 20 feet from my window on the lawn. A buddy told me that people already got all the good stuff earlier in the day, "including a microwave..." I just went out to check stuff out, and now there is a microwave, surrounded by clothes and food. Is it possible that someone took the microwave, it didn't work, and then brought it back? Did he have two microwaves and I didn't see the other one? Just saying...
38. NFL Picks:
I suck. That is why I quit betting. The Steelers are the best, and go away if you want betting advice.
39. That's all folks. I would love to say that I need to go to watch Seinfeld on WGN, BUT THEY SUCK. Talk to you this weekend. I will email the hell out of them. It will be moved back to 10pm. I have no girl, pets, plants, and they wouldn't think it is normal for me to show up at 5:45 to work on the weekend. I will squeeze a blog in. Moneyball review also. As one shepherd said to the other shepherd, I am getting the flock out of here. Peace.
In no particular order of chronology or importance...
Mentally drained from work...we will be testing the whole stream of consciousness theory...but I have to blog twice a week, so I guess I am the poor man's version of MJ playing with the flu...hope I score 63. Hope I score 30. Shit.
1. I find it funny that Greg Norman picked this week to counter the notion by Jack Nicklaus last week. Greg declared that Tiger will NOT win 18 Majors. Who cares who is right or wrong? We have YEARS to laugh at either notion. However, you are telling me that a guy with TWO British Opens on his resume comes out and talks about someone ELSE after a guy who won EIGHTEEN Majors just spoke his mind on the same guy? I love Gary Williams, but that is like him telling us that LeBron James will not win a title one week after John Wooden just said he would. Thanks, Einstein. Let's go split the atom while we are at that. Listen, Shark. Even Wikipedia knows what you are famous for. 1996. 1989. ETC. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Greg_Norman Hell, I talked so much about the Shark that I almost forgot to tell you why it is funny THIS week. It is because the Red Sox and Braves are pulling a "Greg Norman '96" the same week he talks about Tiger. Dude. As little of titles as you have, as many as you should have won, and as likable as you are, just stop talking about others. As Winger once said, go "Down Incognito." Yes, I just pulled a freaking Winger reference. I love Winger. Yup.
2. This is a sports rant. Just KNOW this was at the top of my list even though I say "In no particular order of chronology or importance...yada, yada, yada..." On school nights, I usually go to bed at 9:45 40% of the time. The other 60% of the time, I watch Seinfeld from 10-11pm and that is classified as a "crazy" night. 11:05 is late to me. I am up at 5am. Anyway, my local channel moved, this week, Seinfeld to 11-12. AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! You have JACKED my entire schedule up. I can't do that, WGN. Just because I am a dumb Einstein and can operate on 4.5 hours sleep regularly doesn't mean I practice that option. Seriously? There are only FOUR Seinfeld episodes On Demand at a time weekly. I refuse to use DVR after the Arkansas/ UNLV 1991 bball game and the guy with the 40 ounce of Private Stock ruined it. I own some, but that is not the SAME. It was my schedule. I felt lost this week at 9:50, making that important decision of going to sleep or watching Seinfeld. Don't worry. Some person at WGN will be hearing from me this weekend. I didn't even get any lobster...
3. Wow. Two long first two takes. I have a feeling my mentally drained brain just woke up. Moving on.
4. Steve Spurrier has come forward that South Carolina is not in any real trouble. Where is the follow up question? I would have jumped on him about giving Garcia back his starting job like 3 times in a HEARTBEAT. Slackers. I have a feeling he would have started talking about being at a bar late night...yada yada yada...lack of options...Spurrier is a formal Heisman winner and famous also for being the QB on that winningless Tampa Bay team. If I was a QB coming out of HS with skills, I would DEFINITELY go play for him still. He is still getting great receivers, too. Garcia. You are like the opposite of Tim Tebow. You have the build, the arm, the speed, etc. to be a good QB. But no one is better off for it spending 5 or 20 minutes with you.
5. Did I miss something? That hottie from Modern Family has a perfume out. I SWEAR she said it was sold at KMART. Sofia or something. I am not looking this up. I think it is funnier that I saw it once, thought I heard that, and am coming clean with my heard comment without any research. This is a stream of consciousness. No look-ups.
6. The beaten Giants fan, per his family, is speaking again. Horrible story, and I hope so bad he makes some kind of decent recovery. Sick, sick story.
7. I think Sebastian, Terrell, Metta World Peace, Ochocinco, and DeShawn all took the last few days off. My theory is that they are brewing for a great week next week, maybe all together. In honor of their silence, Manny, the old king of the idiot hill, has made the wire twice this week after beating his girl. He was ruled ineligible for the Dominican team, and then turned around a day later and applied for reinstatement to MLB. Dude. Where should I go with this one? Oh. Here we go. It's Moops, Manny. Moops.
8. Mike Modano retires. Class act. Great player. You were probably the best American-born forward in the history of the game. Congrats on your Cup with the Stars in 1999. Best to you, Mike. You were a joy to watch play.
9. Things that absolutely confuse me. I KNOW it is part of a successful series, and the other two aren't bad, but CSI Miami is still on??? Just give that show the Emmy for best comedy sitcom for the next 5 years, take it off the air, and you have plenty of room for a good show on TV. If they don't get Corey Hart as a cameo in one of their episodes, they are IDIOTS.
10. I am not a homer for the Nuggets even though I live here. However, kind of weird they are about to take the hardest hit if this NBA lockout shit continues. Wilson Chandler already is out of here, Gallinari (I am a HUGE fan of his game. HUGE fan. As much as Tom Chambers. Yup. I just pulled a Tom Chambers reference) is going to go kill time in Italy, and Kenyon is chatting about China. You get rid of your superstar (I was totally down with that trade...unbiased), have an up and coming team, and then this happens? Wow.
11. Michael Vick is evidently going to play this week. Evidently, they gave him standard concussion tests, but since he did so bad on the initial non-concussion tests before he got hurt, he pretty much still seems normal. I can't WAIT until Ron Artest gets a concussion. Just a joke, people...not rooting for any injuries. I am still chuckling.
12. Either a brown noser, or truly in touch with what he does well in high school basketball. UCLA just inked the #2 recruit...Kyle Anderson. He said he is excited to go there to learn to play better defense. So. Either he looked up Ben Howland on Wikipedia, or he truly knows that at this point he is just a badass scorer. Either way. Nice pull, Ben. Well, you don't ever have to feel like you are trying to revive a football school, right? The brass is already there.
13. I got a scare this week. First of all, I am HORRIFIED of bees. Wasps, bees, hornets. It is truly the only thing that I can say I will literally run from in ANY situation. I have almost gotten in car wrecks because of them. I have had girls laugh at me and stop talking to me because of my reaction. If I was in the military still, and held top secret information, I would take all pain the enemy inflicted unless they put a wasp in the room. Even a bumblebee (childhood stuff). I am not even allergic to them (I guess I could be now, but I run too fast away from them over the last 20 years). ANYWAY, I read that a golf tournament was cancelled because of "70K Bees." I opened the story and felt better. You see, initially, I thought it read K Bees, like KILLER bees. I track those things on GPS and will move if Colorado gets invaded too much. However, luckily, it was just 70,000 regular bees. I am ok now. That was a close one...
14. I am here for you all. In case there is a 3-way Wildcard tie, here you go. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Major_League_Baseball_tie-breaking_procedures
15. DeAngelo Hall. Dude. I love you. Thanks for letting us know you will go for the ribs on Romo this week if he plays. The guys further from the ball always do the most talking. Where do you usually aim for? Knees? Head? Toes? We all know everyone will be looking to hit his ribs, but I see no reason to say it to the media. Do you just get lonely and want to talk? You are like the poor man's Deion Sanders. Or the championshipless chatty Charles Woodson.
16. The Pac-12 and ACC are trying to build super conferences, and the Big East might add East Carolina. That is like missing the gym for a year, going in a bender, and suddenly realizing you can't pull the chicks you used to. I have directional school jokes I could add, but will hold off on those until I get more information.
17. I said the Angels a couple weeks ago were going to catch Texas in their division. They won't. But I should get an asterisk if they make the playoffs as a wildcard. They are making a nice run, and Tampa is getting all the pub.
18. Criminal Minds first episode was pretty darn good. Aside from the fact that they faked the death of an agent we all liked and came across kind of cheesy, it was good.
19. I don't remember a year when so many first year highly picked QB's were taking the helm. Newton is the most heralded 0-2 QB ever, Dalton is still my pick to be the best of the lot, and Blaine Gabbert is taking over the helm for future Hall of Famer Luke McCown. Amazing.
20. Story I didn't open. 2 Live Crew front man sues Miami booster. I am just so glad to know that Luther Campbell is still around. Talk about creating a musical niche for yourself back in the day...
21. Bad luck for Domenik Hixon will miss his 2nd straight season with an ACL injury. That is like going to McDonald's and seeing Marcus Vick.
22. BIG NEWS! I am here to report it. NASCAR tweaks its rules on drafting for the big Talledega race. You know what that means, don't you? You know...Something significant I am sure. Also, I would like to predict 6 possible NASCAR guys who could take the crown from the #48 this year. Matt Kenseth, Kyle Busch, Kurt Busch, Jeff Gordon, Kevin Harvick, and Carl Edwards. Ummm. You got me. I just read that straight from Sporting News. Rubbing's racing, boys.
23. Jay Cutler is trying to prove to people that he is not a pansy from last year's playoff game. 11 sacks later, I am actually rooting for him. Hey, offensive line, can you give him a chance? I am not sure I like or hate him, but protect him so I have time to make a decision at least.
24. I think we don't need to worry about Oklahoma and Texas going anywhere anytime soon. They got commissioner Beebe out of the mix this week. AND. The Pac-12 decided they are done adding teams. Good. It lets go of the idea that I can make jokes how the Pac-16 would be using the World Cup pod system in future conference tournaments. Chandler. Too many jokes.
25. I still read them. I admit it. But I am against projecting year stats after two games of any sport. Brady is on pace for what? 7500 yards? Project AFTER the Buffalo game. Side note, if anyone breaks Dan Marino's 5084 record, I would LOVE if it was Ryan Fitzpatrick. That would be awesome. I had to take the Wonderlic test for my job. You know. The test of common sense and basic algebra that Vince Young made that test famous by scoring a 16 out of 50, but then it was made public that Dan Marino also scored a 16. I took it and busted out a OK 34. You have two choices. Make sure everything is right and only get through 35 questions, or answer all of them and guestimate on 10-15 of them. I went for the answer every one approach. There is just not enough time. Back to my point, two of the top 3 scores ever for the NFL were Harvard's Pat McInally's (Cincy punter), and Ryan Fitzpatrick's (Buffs QB) 48.
26. If you like Star Wars, and if you like Family Guy, you are shooting yourself in the foot by never seeing Family Guy's versions of the last 3 episodes of Star Wars (you know, the first three). Stewie is Darth Vader. Climb on the bandwagon. We still have room.
27. My mom is more excited to hear what I think about Moneyball this weekend than I am to see it...barely. My mom ROCKS.
28. Harry Met Sally. Seinfeld...fake, fake, fake, fake. Hey, Giants, if ONE of you went down, I would still try to believe you weren't faking it, but TWO of you? Get your act down. NOW. We are opening Pandora's Box by trying how to penalize it DURING the game. You can penalize them, but only AFTER the game, and they will still have time to have someone hit them with a hammer to make it believable before they are "summoned promptly (you need to listen to Mike and Mike along with reading this rant)." That was kind of funny. I am not going to explain it.
29. I am not the brightest bulb on the tree, but Guillen came out this week and wants a contract extension. Am I looking at women's baseball standings by mistake? Aren't you guys below .500? What is the catch? You are so funny, Ozzie. Get the extension. We would miss you.
30. Useless fact for the week. There have been more TD's in the first 2 weeks than ever before in history. My conspiracy theory that this is a direct parallel to the Skins, Bills, and Lions all doing well.
31. Gilbert going down for the season does not change my opinion on UT. I am not a fan. I am an unbiased observer. I just think people are sleeping on UT (don't worry, Wisconsin is STILL my sleeper BCS champion). I have NO idea on why no one is seeing it as a speedbump for OU, but watch your ass, Landry. Gilbert slipped to third on the depth chart shortly before this news, so that is why there is no cause for alarm. And we know they always have the speed and horses to match up with anyone...any year.
32. I don't claim to be an NFL expert, but just found it odd that the Ravens suddenly decided to sign Ngata to a new contract 2 1/2 weeks into the season. Were they trying to erase themselves off the wire after that letdown to Tennessee after destroying my boys? You succeeded.
33. She is SO still #1. I love her. I got sad hearing about the story of Halle Berry breaking her leg. When you get better, do you want to go see Moneyball with me (even thought it will be my second time seeing it)? http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2011/09/22/halle-berry-breaks-her-fo_n_976587.html
34. Picks...I know. I only went 4-3 last week. I think that leaves me 18-5 for the year. Here you go, bettors...
35. Hold on. I just heard a new one for me on ESPN Sportscenter. I got 99 problems, but that pitch ain't one. AWESOME.
36. Back to picks (I have 11 written down, got to pick 8...hmmm):
-BYU -4 home against Central Florida...did Stardust think they are playing SOUTH Florida?
-Michigan -9.5 home against SD State...really? Denard is still my sleeper for the Heisman
-FSU -3 away against Clemson...they were plus 3.5 against OU and it was a great game. Clemson beat someone who lost like 15 starters...come on.
-Nevada +15.5 away against Texas Tech...did someone forget that Nevada is still a quality team and that Texas Tech is not proven?
-Miss St. -18 home against Lousiana Tech...this isn't a women's basketball game, right? Because they would get ROCKED if it was.
-Baylor -19.5 at home against Rice...Griffin continues his Heisman quest...not much resistance here.
-USC +1.5 away against Arizona State...talent level. horses. ASU. not there yet...USC on probation or not.
-Bama -12.5 home against Arkansas...sure, this is SEC. sure, both are good. But did Ryan Mallet redshirt? At home. Take it and be confident. Two touchdown win minimum.
DO NOT MESS WITH:
South Carolina
VA Tech
UVA (I think the bet is good, but I am biased. Don't do it)
37. These are the things that intrigue me. My neighbor got evicted, and all of his things are 20 feet from my window on the lawn. A buddy told me that people already got all the good stuff earlier in the day, "including a microwave..." I just went out to check stuff out, and now there is a microwave, surrounded by clothes and food. Is it possible that someone took the microwave, it didn't work, and then brought it back? Did he have two microwaves and I didn't see the other one? Just saying...
38. NFL Picks:
I suck. That is why I quit betting. The Steelers are the best, and go away if you want betting advice.
39. That's all folks. I would love to say that I need to go to watch Seinfeld on WGN, BUT THEY SUCK. Talk to you this weekend. I will email the hell out of them. It will be moved back to 10pm. I have no girl, pets, plants, and they wouldn't think it is normal for me to show up at 5:45 to work on the weekend. I will squeeze a blog in. Moneyball review also. As one shepherd said to the other shepherd, I am getting the flock out of here. Peace.
Monday, September 19, 2011
091911-Carpool Lanes and Misdemeanor Battery
Read it, don't read it, I don't care...I just need to get some things off my chest.
In no particular order of chronology or importance...
I feel the need. The need, for speed...
1. Michael Vick is out of commission temporarily because of a concussion. On top of that, the self-proclaimed "dread team" loses. I am not insinuating any foul play, just commenting on a coincidence. Just being a football fan, like him or not, you hope he comes back quickly. However, going with worse case scenario, and knowing what we know about concussions, does anyone else think it is kind of weird that he gets hurt during a game with Atlanta? Odd circumstances for sure.
2. Nadal is coming forward talking about how there are too many events in the tennis schedule. He is right. I find it hard to believe they can't find a week or two during the year to find the Davis Cup it's own time. Sure, the Davis Cup is not as prominent as it was, say, 25 years ago. However, there are still patriotic players who want to represent their country. There are still people who want to watch it. Having one of the matches 4 days after a major is just ridiculous. Sure, maybe 98% of the players don't need to worry about doing this back to back, but punishing a patriotic stud who doesn't suck like the others who didn't make the final? Wrong.
3. It is a shame a class act stud like Joe Mauer will miss the rest of the season with pneumonia. It is also a shame how much the underachieving Twins stink. It is like the cliche says..."on paper."
4. In his quarterly "shut the hell up, people" wire release, Jack Nicklaus reminds us that Tiger can still get to 18 Majors. Word, Jack. If the guy who is known as the greatest of all time, whose record Tiger would break, is saying that, then I feel fine about being a homer and saying the same thing. He is not a running back in the NFL with a limited shelf life. He is in shape, and golf's timetable works fine with what he is trying to accomplish. Perkins, anyone?
5. Speaking of golf, are the Red Sox trying to pull a '96 Greg Norman at the Masters? They are doing everything in their power to let the Rays step up to the mic known as the wildcard spot in the playoffs. A lot of injuries hurt them, but I thought they would hurt them for a championship run, not just to make the playoffs.
6. Here is your useless fact of the week. LSU and Mississippi State played Thursday. When was the last time those two traditional schools met before where they both were ranked? Never. Weird. I would never have guessed that.
7. I know I have said this before, but I watched another episode the other day reminding me. What did Elaine do to piss off the producers of Seinfeld? Seriously. Watch 10 episodes of the show. Rank Jerry's quality of girl with Elaine's quality of guy in each. Take the average of the rankings and let me know what you got. Putty, you are the shit, so know that I am not busting on you.
8. I am assuming it is because I live in Denver that this next story didn't get more pub. Three players in St. John's basketball recruiting class were ruled academically ineligible. Steve Lavin was truly building something amazing there and now this is huge speed bump. He is trying to keep them in the fold, but this would be a major blow to that comeback story. Hey, by the way, Steve, you are really going out and grabbing those quality kids, aye? "Uhhh. I don't care about your grades. I saw the tape. You are good with me, kid."
9. As a Phillies fan, I am really not worried about the Yankees this year. We have the horses this year. However, that team from Detroit is starting to raise my eyebrows. I still think we have the horses (aside from my continuing concern about our closers), but am sure as hell glad Verlander can't trot out there more than 2, maybe 3 times in a series. 24-5? Stud. This brings up a point that I will never sway on. In my conversations with people, it is truly a point where people are on one side of the fence or the other. Someone who takes the mound every 5 days cannot, in my opinion EVER win the MVP...unless he is 31-2 or something ridiculous. Sorry, dude. 24-5 doesn't cut it with me.
10. OK. My buddy has posted some new blogs. Curious about new movies, old movies, or ranking movies. Check him out. This week he ranked the top 10 sports movies. Being a Philly area person growing up, I am still bothered by Cinderella Man being ahead of Rocky, but the rest seem pretty in line to me. Take that change, consider Rounders since poker is technically on ESPN and therefore a sport, sub out Blue Chips and plug in Miracle, and I am pretty much all good. You also need to find some room for White Men Can't Jump and give Tin Cup an honorable mention. http://rockiesmovies.blogspot.com/
11. Randy Moss is not coming back. Good. I am glad someone actually retires and stays retired (I am pretty sure if he wouldn't come back with Brady throwing to him that he is not coming back with anyone). Or maybe he realized that the Stay Puff Marshmallow Man would have destroyed the word if him and Ochocinco got on the same team. Wow.
12. Speaking of Ocho, our team of ummm...wire-makers...were in perfect form this week. Metta World Peace is now Metta World Peace (I want the NBA season to start simply because I want to see his new jersey...he he he...), Ocho made the wire for actually being silent on Twitter, Terrell Owens was busted, check THIS out, for driving solo in the carpool lane (Dude, you were creative this week-awesome), and we had a return from an old school guy joining them. Sebastian Janikowski was busted for false imprisonment and misdemeanor battery against some chick. Welcome back. We will always welcome you with open arms on our Misfits team.
13. Drew Brees contracts are pretty far apart. I don't usually buy into this theory, but I would be feeling just fine if I was a Saints fan. I think he wants to be there after this year, that they will pay him, and that he WILL be there next year.
14. Pryor is appealing his 5 game ban. Yawn....moving on.
15. Urlacher practices a few days after his mother's death. You are a badass, and my thoughts are with you and your family. Dude is so tough, but handling something like that? I can't imagine.
16. AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!! Kobe is mulling overseas options. Seriously? Media. Stop reporting it until something HAPPENS. He is not going anywhere anyway unless something officially comes out saying the season is cancelled. What the HELL am I going to do in November on weeknights if the season is cancelled? Shit. What the hell am I going to do on Christmas? That would clear out my entire day and night.
17. This super conference stuff is crazy. I get it. It is evolution. You don't have to tell me the advantages of making them. I know the reasons. However, it just throws me off. I have spent my life memorizing where each team is at, history, etc. Now I have to relearn this stuff (it is all about me)? I like where everyone was at. So, UT and OU might go west (the Presidents just got the OK from each school's board today), the Big 12 and Big East might merge (actually a good idea if UT and OU leave), and Pitt and Syracuse have applied to the ACC. Through all of this mess, all I could think about was this. You thought ACC basketball was good before? Wow. You move Pitt and Syracuse over there and that is just SICK. Hell, maybe UVA will be good again someday. No. That is just dreaming. Stick to reality, Fillerbuster.
18. Even though Crosby fans are giving standing ovations at practice skates, does everyone realize that they get Malkin back this year? No Crosby, and they are still contenders. With Crosby, they are approaching scary.
19. In case you live in a bubble, that doesn't have any television, I wanted to update you on a fact. Not an opinion. A fact. Boise State football is very, very good. Watch a game if you have not yet. It is like Tecmo Bowl when Moore plays. He reminds me of Brady or Joe Montana. It is like my bar conversation this weekend. Who started ahead of Brady in college??? Brian Greise.
20. My mother reads my blog, and likes it a lot. No offense to you all, but the fact that she likes my blog inspires me to keep on trucking. She could outdo 90% of you in a sports conversation. However, she corrected me on something I know I shouldn't do. She said I can say shit, damn, ass, etc. as much as I want, but I shouldn't take Jesus's name in vane. I am sorry if I offended anyone, and won't do it anymore. Mom, it is because of you of any positive qualities that I have, and I will listen once again. You are right. Sorry.
21. If you notice a break in my stream of consciousness this week, it is because I have to break (I rarely ever do it. I actually have found it impossible once I get going) for a TV show. Premier week. Don't worry about a long take on me telling you what shows to watch, as I only watch 3 regularly (my time is precious enough squeezing in sports and Seinfeld reruns). Watch Criminal Minds for a drama. It is a high quality serial killer tracking program. Watch Rules of Engagement. Putty (he will ALWAYS be Putty to me) makes the show. He will never win any awards because he is just the same character as he was on Seinfeld. That is what makes it awesome. Watch 2 1/2 Men. Actually, I am nervous. I have no idea how they are going to streamline the new character into the show. Is he Charlie Sheen. Is he a new character? I have no idea. Let's just say that the show was awesome before Sheen's escapades, and I hope it is still high quality. More on this later.
22. My picks for FBS this week? I only went 4-3, with an unofficial loss on the FSU game. I didn't technically say to take that one. I just said it was going to be closer than last year. FSU needs another 2 years and it will fully be back. The OU/ FSU game was high quality. Here are a couple thoughts on it as I watched the whole thing, unengaged at home. FSU adjusted to the no-huddle, and as expected, the home crowd helped limit its effect on FSU's defense. The defense from both sides was awesome. Turnovers actually were the element that made the final score higher. You could tell that team speed on FSU is catching up with the top teams. The better team won, but the gap is getting closer. Jack Nicklaus's grandson plays for FSU. He doesn't wear gloves if you ever want to find him on the field. A tight end who doesn't wear gloves. Interesting. Badass. Trickett's play after Manuel got injured HAS to give FSU fans hope for the next few years. Dude can play. As plays broke down though, Manuel's speed out of the pocket was sorely missed. The kickers from FSU were awesome. Their PK kicks 46 yarders with 20 yards to spare, and their Punter kicked a 69 yard punt without any real huge roll to exaggerate the yardage. Odd these days that the good schools have two solid kickers. They usually seem to overlook those positions. Great game. I hoped you watched it.
23. I want to have a drink with Bill Polan. I am intrigued. After watching the first Colts game and then watching then drop the game at home at home against the mighty Browns, I am wondering if he rethought those jokes about being in Mississippi. The reason I want to have a drink with him is not because he is 0-2. It is because he must hate the Favre wire talk as much as I do to not play that card and make an offer. Peyton Manning could win the NFL's MVP award without playing this year. Seriously.
24. It is a year of people being back where they belong. I am talking about coordinators who couldn't exactly talk their players into running into a wall who are now doing what they should be doing...running offenses and defenses. Tom Cable and Josh McDaniels, I hope you do well, but you are no head coach.
25. Did Ted Danson suddenly age 15 years in the last 2 years?
26. Tim Tebow....nevermind. I am going to let it brew for another few days. I think I have to space out my talk about him every two rants. Maybe my new subject take will be "I have NO idea of why I hate you, but I do...you and Phil Mickelson..."
27. I am finally going to the movie theater this weekend. I am probably going by myself, as I plan on asking eligible ladies, but am only going with one who can name the era that Moneyball occurred. Yeah. THAT will happen. At least I am just asking for a decade. That gives them a chance. In a related note, I have decided to not clean my jeep between now and the weekend.
28. Tony Stewart won the first Chase race. I have no idea if he even can win it. I tried to look it up as you know I am very curious about this whole Chase thing, but it wasn't explained to me in the first two paragraphs whether he can win it or where he was in the standings, so I gave up. My window of time reading a NASCAR article is 26.3 seconds. On a related side note, I like the new Nascar commercial where the guy keeps going left. I just wish it was a longer commercial.
29. Tony Romo is now a tough guy, and ended up winning. I guess we will just see how this plays out. I don't know about you, but I am not bothered by reading "cracked rib," but I totally cringe when reading "punctured lung."
30. Justin Rose won the BMW Championship. Great. The guy is winning the tournaments we don't care about, he was my pick a few years ago as the next coming of something big, and he can't place in a Major to save his life. Speaking of being wrong on golf predictions, what the hell are you doing, Charles Howell? Are you even on the tour anymore?
31. 2 1/2 Men. I would rank it as a success. It was implied that Rose killed Charlie Harper after he was busted with another chick. Believable. New character is introduced as a billionaire who fails a suicide attempt. I am not saying they split the atom, but I will continue to watch it.
32. After my work stuff is done this week, I will be spending some time this weekend reformatting this blog. Different home page and taking my blog buddy's advice and having a usual "sky is blue, "joke is staring me in the face," etc. every single time out. I want this to evolve. Hit me up with any suggestions, please.
33. Cam Newton is the most written about 0-2 QB I have ever seen. Sure, he is lighting it up stat wise. Sure, he plays on a bad team so we can excuse him. I am still not a buyer. I still think the lack of playing in a non-pro style offense will hurt him. Stats aren't everything, people. If given the choice to have a beer with Dan Fouts or Joe Montana, I am going Joe Montana every time.
34. Speaking of non-pro offenses, it amazes me about the evolution of college football. Sporting News just released their best college teams of all time. I relatively agree with their picks, although I think the '68 Buckeyes were a couple spots too high and that the '45 Army team was a little low. I also think the '87 Hurricanes got docked a few spots because they are "recent." All that being said, I am amazed that we basically have two primary wishbone/ triple option offenses (Georgia Tech and Navy) these days because of the shift towards" pro-style" offenses, but if you look at the all time list, five of the top ten ran offenses with high wishbone tendencies. Anyone want to rethink their philosophy?
35. Speaking of OU, Bob Stoops got re-upped in his contract. I agree with this absolutely. In the words of KGB, "pay him. pay that man his money." You guys were falling off the radar before he arrived.
36. Except for the Red Sox/ Rays race, do you have any recollection of a year with so little drama going into the home stretch in MLB? The bad news is that there is little drama. The good news is that we can be pretty sure we are getting the best teams in the playoffs.
37. Stars are aligned, and everything is back to normal. If any bettor out there did NOT take the Steelers at home minus the points after the Ravens debacle, you should be examined. The only side note I have is I want to meet the people upstairs for the Steelers. Whoever told Tomlin to challenge that goal line play was smoking crack.
38. NBA lockout update...just get that shit done, guys...
39. I am confused. Is the Transformers that is coming to video soon the orginal re-released, or is it the third installment? Just call it the third one, people.
40. Adam Dunn, mid-week, was batting .161 with 161 K's. That stat is awesome.
41. I think the NFL should adopt the hash mark rule that college has. I think the kicker should have to lineup at the closest one. I think the change of strategy would make the kicks more exciting. They are better, right? Make it tougher on them.
42. I don't think I missed much. I am shutting it down. I hope you enjoyed my thoughts, and in the words of Brady Quinn, "NOW, I'm done.?" Peace, people.
Wednesday, September 14, 2011
091411-Absurdly Robust...
Read it, don't read it, I don't care...just need to get some things off my chest...
In no particular order of chronology or importance...
Let's turn and burn...
1. Coolest story of the week that I saw...At the Belmont horse races this past Sunday, the winners of the first three races were numbered 9-1-1. I don't care about mathematical possibilities of it happening across the nation. At a large venue. At a very American venue. At a venue that houses one of the Triple Crown races. Very freaking cool.
2. Just another great week in sports...Ochocinco tweets something that pisses someone off (TOTALLY disagree with the pub that this thing is getting. I understand the Patriots way and not being in awe of Tom Brady, but the guy has been on a losing team for all but one or two of the past 8-9 years-cut him a break and wait for him to do something really stupid, which I am sure he will at some point), Manny gets arrested for hitting his wife, and Ron Artest is killing time on Dancing with the Stars evidently. Hey, Terrell Owens and DeShawn Stephenson, you were slackers this week...
3. It has been a long road since that surprising #1 pick of Mario Williams. Solid improvement occurred last season. I know it is only one game, but I see Mario continuing what he started in game 1. Heck, even if he doesn't, Reggie Bush and Vince Young aren't doing too much. Hey, Vince Young, if you three got on the same team someday, would you also be a Dream Team? It is so weird on that team. You have the best athlete in the NFL in quite some time even after a couple years in jail being backed up by a mental case who is the poor man's version of the first string...yet Vince does most of the talking...shut up, dude.
4. My favorite announcer comment besides Jaws cussing on MNF was Mary Carillo, during the Djokovic-Nadal match, saying "these points are absurdly robust." Let's brush on that match. I can't give you a full breakdown because the scheduling idiots decided to schedule it during the work day because of the rain delays. What the hell? You can't start the thing in prime time so people out here in Mountain time can catch it? Are you TRYING to make tennis less popular. Find a freaking way to make it happen in prime time. I came home and Nadal and Djokovic were getting ready to go into a tiebreaker. I was hooked instantly. My thoughts on the set and three games I saw...Odd, Djokovic gets hurt, calls a medical (you are only allowed one during a match), and then Nadal STILL looked on the defensive. Djokovic takes 30 MPH off his serve to preserve his back and still has Nadal on his heels. I give Djokovic much respect. Nadal will never quit anything, but he should have attacked more right after the timeout. I understand his strategy. He was trying to make Djokovic work for every point and have it take a toll, but when you take yourself out of your own game, then you are playing into a good player's hands. He did. A couple of other things. Djokovic's woman is HOT. Freaking HOT as shit. I love tennis, but I was aching for even more shots of her...My other thing. Djokovic's angle topspin forehand is one of the sickest shots I have seen since maybe Steffi's forehand, Navratilova's net volley, Sampras's serve, or Wilander's backhand passing shot. Plus, it was weird. Nadal kept hitting his inside-out forehands out. Hell, I remember using that shot constantly. If your bread and butter isn't working, there is no way you are making toast...
5. Thoughts from the first official football weekend. As I watched my Steelers get smoked, I thought about how much I hate fantasy football people (You BETTER throw it to Kenny Britt! He is my third receiver this week!), hate having people yelling at their team when the opposing QB has too much time when they are playing nickel defense, and hate people who yell out player's names when it is the wrong guy with a different number. I also thought about (I had plenty time in the second half of the ass-whooping of the Steelers) whether a guy like me should go out with a girl who is huge football game (for enjoyment, but then risk listening to her say wrong things about the game and me correcting her and us getting in a fight) or someone who doesn't watch ANY sports (then I have ME time). Why don't we try and figure out which came first between the chicken and the egg while we are at it? Moving on...
6. Dammit, Serena. You get fined 2k for yelling at the same referee from two years ago WHILE getting smoked by a no-namer? What do you see when you look up at the person with the huge microphone and high chair...Arnold Schwarzenegger? PLEASE get that joke.
7. I am honest about what I can't comprehend. And add this to the list...I understand why Joe Montana, Wayne Gretzky, Babe Ruth, and MJ were so good and unstoppable. But they didn't rely on a machine. How the hell does Jimmie Johnson keep winning against 30 other guys (and girls. sorry, Danica) who all have the same car rules as you? Don't comment on this take. I will disagree, and I know I will never get it. And how the hell are 10-13 drivers (whatever it is) NOT knocked out by guys who are racing but not in the "Chase" and are mad they didn't make it NOT feel like ruining someone else's day?
8. I am not anti-Cam Newton. I am not even talking about how he cheated monetarily in college. However, I don't EVER remember a rookie QB getting so much pub for a LOSS. It was against the freaking Cardinals, who NO ONE is sure who they are yet. 400 yards? Cool. Pick him up on fantasy? I am sorry your team sucks THAT bad. Impressed? Sure, but I am not buying stock just quite yet. Not too many Randal Cunningham's or Michael Vick's come along, and I am sure as hell not basing my synopsis on this topic on a game against the Cardinals.
9. NBA talks. JESUS. Just get it done. You all are idiots. When you come back, make sure you schedule your games during the work day so less people can like you also.
10. You know what fantasy is good for? I was unsure who I was rooting for going into the Broncos game Monday. Wes Welker and Reggie Bush got me 40 points in my matchup. I was down 39 going in. The other guy had Darren McFadden. But was I finally rooting for the Broncos? Yup. It didn't work out, and gave me another reason to dislike the home team. The only thing worse than my Steelers getting smoked in week 1 is if the Broncos won. I would have to deal with a week of hell of trying not to read articles from Woody Paige talking about Super Bowl hopes...
11. Mark Mulder is already a baseball announcer. Did I just go through a time warp? Was there an injury I missed? Hell, the other parts of the 3 headed monster are still slinging...Hudson and Zito if you were curious. Harden came on afterward.
12. Nice job, Brady. Here is a question. How come Brett Favre won one freaking Super Bowl and we all celebrated him as one of the best ever his whole rest of his career? Brady won 3 out of freaking 4, and before his video game output on Sunday, everyone is wondering what is wrong with him. 3 out of 4!! I don't care if it has been a while, everyone was his bitch during that time. And yes. He is on my man-crush list, so back off...I am comfortable in talking about it. I have a list. Come talk to me. By the end of the conversation, you will be yelling out shit like "Colin Farrell" or "Christian Slater..."
13. Stephen Jackson is hurt. Maybe I don't know many Rams fans in my life, but he is only player I know where his injury status simply invigorates conversations about fantasy football and whether they were smart enough to get his back up. I don't care about them. He is not on my team, and I dealt with 4 straight years of Clinton Portis on my team. As Dennis Leary would say, "life sucks, get a freaking helmet..."
14. Jerry Jones confused the world this week. He got Romo's back when the world was piling on that he was a choker. Jerry. I am not even going to make a joke about this. Because you confused me too. Tony must have cut a deal that you get his wife for a night when he does that shit. You must be getting your cut of that deal a lot over the last couple years. I don't even know how long that Romo has been married, so I guess that is a reach...
15. Sebastian Janikowski announced his retirement today. Just kidding. I wouldn't be surprised though. He is a head case, he is on a head case team, and probably all he wanted out of that big leg was one freaking record in the books...or at least a tie. Yes, Sebastian. We know you have been clean on slipping the date rape drug into girls' drinks for years and that you kick 70 yard field goals in warm ups.
16. I have done this take before, but I am doing it again. Even though I own it and have watched it 300 times on the low side, Bourne Ultimatum was on TV last night and I watched most of it. Have you ever noticed in that movie how the world's greatest assassins ever invented by man get their kill targets on Razor phones? It always makes me laugh.
17. I received my Sporting News yesterday. I want someone to take a picture of me someday when I open my mailbox and see it in there. I would put it on Facebook. Off the top of my head, I would have to say some of my happiest simple times in life are a good Seinfeld, winning on a double down in blackjack, receiving my Sporting News, and eating a big block of cheese.
18. There a lot of NFL serious injuries already. Why don't all of you owners try another lockout next year and see how that turns out also? We are not splitting the atom here. I am still mad at Ochocino for not wrestling an alligator, but it shows that players weren't exactly hitting on all cylinders every day like they would with a full offseason with the team.
19. Could someone please flowchart this Superconference/ SEC/ ACC/ Baylor/ OU/ UT standoff? One, I love talking about flowcharts. Two, it truly would help me understand. Three, I am not looking that shit up to explain it to you. I already spent a long take weeks ago explaining the new QBR system for rating QB's. I am busy at work. YOU do the research this time. I just have this visual of those teams playing Hearts, and Baylor continuing to pull the Queen of Spades each time...but that's just me.
20. McCoy and Ash are going to split snaps at QB at Texas for now. Besides Tebow and Chris Leak, I don't recall too many split QB systems winning many national championships. Flip a coin, or go with Colt's brother for old time's sake, but know that the Oklahoma Red River Shootout is not getting any further away.
21. OK. I have already owned up to the Steelers getting smoked, but am not going to break down the game totally. Plus, I was mostly in a depression for the second half. Ray Rice ran around like he was Bo Jackson in Tecmo Bowl 1, and there were 7 turnovers by the good guys. I would play for you ANY day, Mike Tomlin, and you are truly a made to be Steelers coach, but we weren't mashing grapes and not making wine. We WERE the grapes.
22. The Timberwolves agree to terms with Rick Adelman. Why not? He has a rebounding machine in Kevin Love, 10 point guards, with another one on the way in Ricky Rubio. OK. Although this guy might be the foreign version of Jamaal Tinsley reinvented, I, as a basketball player, am excited to watch him play. That is probably why they are keeping Kevin Love. Lots of excitement with Rubio's arrival, lots of a-la Jason Williams/ Pete Maravich passes, and LOTS of rebounds to go around.
23. Moneyball is released on the 23rd. I think I will ask around. If a chick becomes excited to go AND knows what the hell it is, I might marry her in the theater. I don't think I have to worry about it. Hell, even Mike and Mike were a decade or two off when talking about it this morning. Greeney guessed the Rollie Fingers era, and Golic was all over Canseco and McGuire.
24. Two elements that I never thought I would see in a sentence, at least until they won one. Boise State. Probation. Don't worry. They can still win it. They are on double secret probation.
25. Verlander wins his 23rd. Maybe we SHOULD go back to the 3 day rotation of decades ago. Instead of celebrating the anniversary of Denny McLain's 30th win, we might be talking about a 35 game winner. Dude is simply a stud.
26. I got this one from ESPN amazingly and not Fox (my work nixing the Fox site is really cramping my style). Coach K arrived to see a high school prospect in a limo. I didn't open the story, but maybe Coach K is suddenly a drunk and he is using my personal driver rule I have mentioned a million times. No. Probably not, but it still was a funny headline. I somehow would think Coach K would drive up in a Prius or something. And stay in a Motel 6.
27. Two guys who have LITERALLY made a living and been champions off of one pitch. Within a day, Wakefield gets his 200th win and Rivera gets his 600th save. Knuckleball. Cutter. You can pick any one to like or dislike from opposite sides of this rivalry, but these guys are studs. They say 40 is the new 30? Well, 200 is the new 300. Especially for a knuckleballer. As far as 600? Whatever. It is his postseason that made him. He might be older, but no hitter STILL wants to go against him late in the year. Gamer. Claude Lemieux on crack.
28. A Pro Bowl or not, how the HELL did Eric Berry get the top spot on the wire for tearing his ACL? Shit. Talk about 9/11 more and that is more important than him getting hurt. It is like me watching Bourne Ultimatum on a slow sports night when I already own it. There is a parallel there. I swear.
29. The Cardinals sign Chris Carpenter for 2 years and 21 mil. Easy call. It just makes me want to go out and buy tobacco and throw it at him.
30. Speaking of flow charts. JESUS, Ohio State. You reinstate your players, a guy says blame me and that I gave them the money. Shit! Can you guys take a break from anything good OR bad? We are getting close to the baseball playoffs. You are taking wire space on how good my Phils are or how Chris Pronger is in amazing shape...or SOMETHING...
31. Remember the chick who thinks I am somewhat crazy-you know, the adjacent to refuse is refuse, washing windshields, shirtless after paintings in bathrooms, blame Lloyd Braun, I just had a run of bad luck one? She defriended me on Facebook. I just laughed out loud. Facebook. As Dennis Leary ALSO said, "because you have to have goals..."
32. Before I finish up, let's go over my picks from last week, give my picks for this week, and give you a surprise for pro picks...
LAST WEEK'S PICKS:
Houston-20 against North Texas: WIN
Utah +10 1/2 against USC: WIN
ND -3 against Mich: LOSS
SC -2 1/2 against UGA: WIN
TCU - 2 1/2 against AF: WIN
Oregon -22 1/2 against Nevada: WIN
Bama -10 against PSU: WIN
WISC -17 against OSU: WIN
7-1, making me I believe 14-2 in two weeks...
Before I do this, some of you have asked me for pro picks. I have told you I absolutely suck. I will not help you lose your money. A buddy of mine has a site you can check out that might help. Here is a shoutout. Check it out. I am arranging a guest blog soon.
Now. My picks for this week:
LSU -4.5 against Miss St.: I LOVE this one, but would feel better about it if it was a Saturday game. I still say put a lot on LSU minus the points. Yes. It is SEC. Yes. The Tigers are a LOT better. Don't believe all of the hype about a team coming off a loss. This is an inferior team coming off a loss. TIGERS-BIG
UT -4 at UCLA: I love UT in this one. 4 points? You have to be kidding me. Is UCLA suddenly playing at altitude?
WVA +1.5 at Maryland: You won't need the point and a half. They will win going away. Take WVA.
PSU -7.5 at Temple: This is where you DO take a team after a loss. Take Penn State.
Wisc -17.5 at Northern Illinois: OK. I could just be a WISC homer this year, but I would still take them again. Obviously, Stardust isn't a believer yet. Take WISC while you can.
Minn -4.5 against Miami-Ohio: Another example of taking a good team after a loss...at home.
South Carolina -17 against Navy: They are at home. They won't under-estimate anyone again this year. They will win by 30.
Va Tech -24 against Arkansas St: This is a 55-7 blowout waiting to happen. They are at home. Feel solid about the school I am supposed to hate. Watch this is my loss this week.
I wouldn't touch these teasers: Mich St./ ND and BYU/ Utah. Stay away from these.
My upset? I don't know if I would put money on this, but I like this one. It speaks to me off the paper. I like FSU over Oklahoma, or at least with the 3 1/2. They have the horses now. Do they have the experience? I say maybe. I have to go out on a limb on SOMETHING, don't I? Remember, this rant doesn't "straddle the fence."
33. I missed Ortiz saying the Red Sox should be in panic mode, MJ being fined during the lockout, college players being paid (Pandora's Box), Ginn's great game after a pay cut, MLB playoff scenarios, Bowden having cancer a couple years ago (I LOVE you, man), something about the hats of the Mets/ Selig/ 911, and I am sure other stuff.
34. I purposely did not have take on this. Shut up, Denver fans (only talking to the ones who were chanting Tebow at the game the other night). Fox is the coach and he is paid to make decisions. Don't chant Tebow. You will be in rebuilding mode out your ass. He sees the practice and he is your coach. Why don't you try and support Fox and the Broncos and stop acting like Philadelphia fans after Mike Schmidt after an 0-4 night? Stop it. You were supposed to not be good, so make another decision after 6 games. Give Orton 6 games. You will want to spend 5 or 20 minutes with a brick wall if you start playing Tebow now. Plus, Brady Quinn IS the back up QB. Hell, the only reason I want a QB change is because it can be SO much funnier when I say..."Now, I'm done." Until the weekend.
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