Roger, Roger. What's our vector, Victor?

Read it, don’t read it, I don’t care…just needed to get some things off my chest.

In no particular order of chronology or importance…

Ah yes.  The airplane rant.  No Google, LOTS of time, nothing else to do since I have already seen Moneyball and the other two movies 

look kind of dumb.

(And I have NO idea why this copied and pasted this way...but there

 is NO WAY I am fixing it tonight)

1)     Kind of scary when a big story of the week is how Rob Gronkowski is sitting out practice, but then football people realize that the Pats still have Hernandez available.  What a nice problem to have…too many quality fantastic tight ends.  That being said, with the amount of pressure the Giants put on opposing offensive lines just with their defensive front, I am thinking the Pats need them both.  Also, what gives?  Did the Hoodie get laid a bunch of times before traveling to Indianapolis?  He gave out injury information AND made a joke about his 4^th and 2 call a couple years ago?  Who is that guy?  I know the Giants are confident going in this game, and I know that they have less pressure on them, but it would scare me if I was the Giants on how freaking loose the Pats sound.  They sure don’t sound at all like Hoodie’s and Brady’s legacy is completely altered if they lose this one…which it is.  It will be about 7 years or so without a Super Bowl AND two losses if they somehow blow this one.  MUCH less majestic.

2)    Media day for the Super Bowl.  The Pats sound loose, Rob Gronkowski likes to say “day by day” in interviews, and Chad Ochocinco finally got to do something in front of people for the first time in a while.  He used to be good at scoring AND interviews.  Now he is just watchable for one of those things.  To be quite honest, there have been moments where I totally just forgot Chad was on the team.

3)    The sky is blue, the grass is green, and Dwight Howard has told us that he wouldn’t mind playing with the Bulls.  Really, Dwight?  You “wouldn’t mind” going to play for arguably the best team in the league.  Gee.  Thanks.  Anything else?  Would you be cool with the Heat or Thunder also?  Maybe just cruise on over to the Mavs?

4)    Castillo is going to be allowed to keep his Defensive Coordinator job with the Eagles.  Might as well.  Does anyone ELSE have a clue why they sucked so bad this year?  Word is that since no one else could figure it out, they decided to stick with what they had for one more round.  Super team my ass.

5)    The Ravens hire Caldwell to “tutor” Joe Flacco.  Cool.  I think you might need one more tutor though.  I think a lot of the problems he has are in his head now.  You might need to give Renee Russo a call.  For 71 holes, she had Tin Cup on a leash. “This is the last ball in the bag, Roy…”

6)    The Texas Rangers just gave Ron Washington a two year extension.  That is very nice of you all, Rangers.  I guess we should infer that any extension is good, and that the 2 years of job security would be about 8 years had he taken it all when he had them in perfect position to do so...either time.

7)    What do I know, except that all the good college basketball teams are spacing out there losses enough to allow THIS to happen?  Missouri, a team I think was overrated at #2 in the first place, loses last week and only drops TWO spots in the rankings this week?  That is only possible because of everyone else messing up here and there.  No WAY I think that that team is a top 5 team.  No way.  I would give them 8 or 9 tops after watching them play.  By the way, way to almost blow that game against Texas last night, Mizzou.  You were in control, the announcer LITERALLY says “now, watch this very intelligent Missouri team control the clock,” and you almost blow it.  Maybe if you would have dropped that game against a sub-par UT team, we could have dropped you another two whole spots.  Now if only the teams I think should be ahead of them would stop tripping.

8)    Hey, it is just like old times.  Phil Mickelson and Tiger are back to back in the world rankings just released.  Sort of a catch.  I guess it is NOT like old times.  Their rankings are #16 and #17.  Well, at least they are hanging together in this massive changing of the guard.  Phil wanted to go out for beers in celebration of this fact, but he was still hung over after having the weekend off after missing the cut, and Tiger was still in front of a computer Googling Robert Rock.

9)    Mike Tyson will be inducted into the boxing Hall of Fame.  Well, deserved.  He was one of the biggest badasses to ever step into the ring.  Side note.  You remember where you were during several earth shattering events, both good and bad.  Well, I remember where I was for this one.  I was at America’s in Gulfport, MS.  Luckily, I had ordered wings early in the fight, as I figured it wouldn’t last long.  What I didn’t know, and what also made me almost drop the plate of wings, was that it would be Tyson’s skull hitting the deck.  Crazy shit.

10) I am confused by National Rent a Car commercials.  They say you can walk down the aisle and pick a bigger car if you want.  How does that inventory work, then?  Isn’t that screwing things up for people who already ordered the larger car?  I am sure they have a system, but I see a lot of holes personally.  Confused.  All I know is this.  “You know how to TAKE a reservation, you just don’t know how to HOLD the reservation, and that is really the important part of the reservation…the holding.”

11) Landon Donovan takes round 1 of the first meeting with Clint Dempsey across seas in soccer.  It really is sad that we are truly excited that two top Americans faced each other in a European game.  After all these years of developing our talent, we still are pretty spotty on who we have over there.  The excitement was building in the late 90’s/ early 2000’s, and they have not come close to capitalizing on it.  Thought there would be a lot more fellows in those leagues.  But.  It IS what it is.  If you kick a soccer ball with a kid hoping to catch his attention when all of these cool basketball, football, and hockey players are on TV, it becomes a tough sell.

12) Brad Childress just got hired by the Browns for an assistant spot.  Bittersweet for that guy.  At least he has a job, which is good.  Step outside of that, and dude is a failed head football coach who had a great team that didn’t win it all…and they are the Browns that he is joining…eewww.

13) There weren’t any bare feet in a creek, and it wasn’t really an important tournament, but Kyle Stanley put his name in the meltdown hat.  After getting a triple bogey 8 on the final hole at the recent PGA tournament, he ends up in a playoff, which he then loses.  The only person who did a fist pump was Jean van de Velde.  Kind of like Big Ben might pump his fist if Tom Brady got busted not hearing a chick say no in a college bar, or Pac Man Jones just hearing that ANYONE in the NFL got busted for anything.  All, weird fist pumps. 

14) Brandon Marshall had 4 TD’s in the Pro Bowl.  He made a really nice catch on the ground for one of them.  Considering all the lineman stand straight up, and tackles are just a bunch of pushing, this will be all I report on this absolute waste of time event.

15) I read an article on how old Paul Pierce is getting.  That night, I noticed he had 28/10/8.  Good stuff, old man winter.  I still think you are getting old too, but nice reply on the court to the media.  Actually, Paul.  I don’t think you are all that old.  I DO think you seem older hanging around with Ray Allen and Kevin Garnett.  Kind of like Steve Nash looking a tad slower playing on the court with Grant Hill.  No offense.  Just saying.  Guilty/ old by association.

16) Ryan Boatright is still not back for UConn men’s basketball.  The NCAA is still researching the situation.  They also happened to lose 3 straight recently.  I am not saying they can’t make another late season run, and you better acknowledge that the talent is on that squad to make a serious push.  That being said, I will say this.  There is no way they make that push without a) Ryan Boatright in the lineup b) Andre Drummond making a serious statement about his maturity level advancing on the court.  Drummond has a chance to prove he should be the #1 pick.  Either is possible, and both make them extremely dangerous.  Other good teams WANT UConn to not lose games right now.  No #1 or #2 seed in the NCAA tourney wants to see them as the #7 or #8 seed in the second round.  NO one.

17) I find it absolutely hilarious that Chauncey Billups has a great game in his first visit since the trade.  AND.  They win the game pretty much because of a late game flop where he suckered the refs. Best supporting actor goes to…

18) Story that was SO close to being a good one, but it is not.  The Spurs go down 18 points to the Dallas Mavericks late in the 3^rd quarter.  They pull the starters and put in the lowly bench guys…fundamentally waving the white flag.  The bench guys make a mad run, MAD run.  Pop leaves them in to finish it, they make a final game winning shot AFTER the buzzer by about a hundredth of a second, and then lose in overtime.  Amazing, and very odd, game.  Neat watching future HOF’s cheer from the bench when the game is really close, but dibs to Pop for keeping the bench players in.  Hey, Dirk.  You looked really a lot older, and VERY rusty.  Maybe those couple months you took off this offeseason to come into the season “better rested” than last year when you were playing for your national team WASN’T a great idea.

19) The NHL All Star game was ok, as a background game in my apartment as I did stuff.  The game was fun, but still wasn’t worth it (MUCH more worth it than the Pro Bowl though).  That being said, I will say this.  Their system of having the two captains pick anyone from either conference (allowing teammates to play against each other) is EXTREMELY cool.  And.  Having a player on the ice (Tyler Seguin) who was live on a mic was fun also.  If a game is going to be a semi waste of time, and you know that going in, you might as well have novel ideas that make it cool.

20) Zach Randolph might be out for the year for the Memphis Grizzlies.  Shame.  That team had a fun story last year, and Zach is not exactly the most likable guy, but know this.  You might as well deduct 15 wins right NOW if he is gone for the season.  It is kind of like the opposite of predicting the amount of wins for the NJ Nets.  Are we making the assumption that Dwight Howard will be on that team by March, or not?  15 win difference WITH him.

21) Cream rising to the top.  College bball.  Kentucky is #1, Syracuse is #2, and Ohio State is #3.  Think you are pretty safe if you were going to go out on a ledge and assume there is a very good chance the champion comes out of that group of teams.  There are others of course that might take it, but those three are pretty damn good.  Give my vote to Ohio State right now as my #1, with Kentucky right on their heels.  Quick look at the others:

-Missouri-Nope.  I will say it again-this is a lineup designed for 40 minutes of hell playing a different offense

-Duke-Not Athletic enough to win 6 straight wins in March.  Coach K gives them an asterisk on this comment, but I don’t see it happening

-Baylor-I don’t trust their guard play.  I am not a believer, and guards win you championships.

-North Carolina-Of course.  With that coach and that ridiculous talent, the sky is the limit.  They need shooting, and the eye of the tiger, but these boys are in the mix without a doubt

-Kansas-It must be nice to have a reloading year with a couple McDonald’s players here and there.  This team is too reliant on Thomas Robinson.  One bad game, and they are done.  That being said, maybe he is just doing his Danny Manning imitation.

-Murray State-It’s a nice story, but I see this crashing.  Two things on this.  One, I will reevaluate this team after the St. Mary’s game. Two, don’t these guys know that you have to SURPRISE people in the tourney and not already be known.  Have you guys not learned ANYTHING from George Mason and VCU?

-Michigan State- Talent?  Check.  Coaching?  Check.  Pedigree?  Check.  Balance?  Check.  Yup.  The sky is blue, the grass is green, and we have another year where you don’t want to mess with these guys in March.

22) Sharapova loses the Aussie final.  Hold on.  Let me correct that statement.  Sharapova got SMOKED.  She was there physically, and her grunts/ screams were very nice sounding to me, but her game plan and mental toughness was elsewhere.  I knew she might lose, but did NOT expect that ass whipping.  I don’t know how many times you think you are getting to a final, Maria, but with this upcoming talent, it won’t be many.

23) The Miami Heat/ Chicago Bulls game was awesome and you really felt like you can just assume we were watching the prelims of the Eastern Conference finals.  That being said, let me comment on two things regarding the game.  Although the LeBron dunk over John Lucas WAS cool and pretty amazing, I am in the group of people who don’t think it ranks even top 20 of all time dunks.  Game situation, game importance, crowd response, etc.  Sure.  Jumping over someone is really cool, but I don’t think it cuts it.  Also, nice to see our superstars closing out games.  Derrick Rose misses two FT’s to keep Chicago from being ahead or tied.  Then, King James goes down and bricks two himself.  Shame a quality basketball game has to end with missed shots and bad fundamentals like that.

24) Whether you stayed up and watched the Nadal/ Djokovic match, got lucky and woke up the next morning with it still on because of a rain delay, or really don’t care at all.  It was one of the best tennis matches in the last ten years.  I am a Nadal fan, and not so much a Djokovic fan.  I gained a lot of respect for Djokovic though.  When that match went to the fifth set, I didn’t think there was any way Djokovic would hang with Nadal.  I thought the long match would sway cousin mo Nadal’s way.  So, let me get this straight.  Federer is Nadal’s bitch.  Nadal is Djokovic’s bitch.  And Andy Murray is everyone’s bitch I just mentioned, but can destroy everyone else.  Looks like those rankings are pretty much accurate.

25) Jack Del Rio gets hired by the Broncos.  I think this is a great hire.  You allow your assistant from last year’s playoff team to follow his dreams, gain someone from your personal coaching tree, and also someone who has already been successful relatively as a head coach, so you get another great voice in that locker room.  Think that will do well for you, Broncos.  You have a lot of talent on that D.

26) I like watching the snowboarding events because I really don’t know anything about it and just think it is cool.  I love Shaun White.  I root for Shaun White.  That being said, I think it is ridiculous that he got a perfect score on his last run.  Pretty fancy?  Sure.  PERFECT?  100?  I think not.  From what I heard from the announcers while watching it, he didn’t even pull out a new trick…just a bunch of badass ones he has done before.  Plus, I saw his hands hit and drag on the last jump.  THAT isn’t perfect.  Give him a freaking 99.5 to make me happy, dammit.  Regardless.  If he has set the ceiling, then how can he do better?  He might as well just retire now…timing would be perfect right after that perfect score.  Ride into the sunset and all of that cliché shit…Although his sport is not on the level in popularity obviously of football and baseball, leaving on a perfect 100?  That might even trump Elway and LaRussa.

27) In men’s figure skating, Abbott claims…just kidding.  VERY much so kidding.  I make some of you suffer through tennis takes-I wouldn’t even think of going down the road on this one.  Plus, it would be two takes in a row where I don’t truly understand the sport.

28) Speaking of the X Games, I will admit my mind is still trying to understand the physics of that NASTY front flip on the dude’s snowmobile jump.  That is some serious shit.

29) There is fall out of course to Billy Cundiff’s missed field goal in the AFC Championship.  My favorite one so far is the following.  It is an actual ad for a jersey, with ordering information on the page.  When it talks about delivery information, it says to input your address-“jersey will be delivered to house to the left.”  Awesome.

30)  Being just an unbiased fan with no allegiance, I am ready to watch this Super Bowl.  I only changed in my mind who I thought was going to win it three times today, after two times yesterday.  I am back to thinking the Giants are going to win it.  Uhh.  Hold on.  Make that four times.  Back to the Pats.  Confused.

31) Lindsey Vonn, our American skiing icon since Bode Miller evidently likes to party too hard to professionally ski, won the first two races over the weekend.  She lost the 3^rd one by .03 seconds…to her friend.  So close, yet so far away, to three winds in one weekend.

32) Sign that all is not happy in Steeler-ville.  You are telling me that Bruce Arians leaves a winning team to go to the SAME position for a 2-14 team with possibly QB problems (I know.  The second part’s problem is he either has one of the best QB’s of our generation or dibs on the next.  Tough life.)?  Wow.  I guess everything is not rosy in my boys’ hood.  Because that just doesn’t make sense to me…at all.

33) Watch out for Transfer U aka Iowa State basketball.  They took out KU over the weekend.  Basically it breaks down to this.  Iowa State is a bunch of discontented/ disgruntled/ washout players from top flight programs.  So either they will ruin it for each other, or they become the perfect storm.  Another DANGEROUS March team.  KU had their own grass is green take.  “When Thomas Robinson doesn’t score more than 15 points, we actually suck and actually can acknowledge the amount of talent we lost.”

34) That missed goaltending call at the end of the WVA/ Syracuse bball game was bad.  How you don’t review that one is beyond me.

35) Poor Eli.  He is finally being called “Eli,” instead of Peyton’s little brother, and we have all of this nonsense going on with Irsay and Peyton, hogging some of the headlines.  To add insult to injury, the Super Bowl is being played where?  Indy.

36) The NCAA wants to curtail taunting.  That is fine.  Just watch how you do it.  That taunting call where they kicked out a player in the Missouri game was just plain stupid.  Slippery slope, people.  Very slippery.  Plus, you have to, to some degree, let the kids play.  I know you have to teach them to stay in line, but let’s remember the emotion that makes college bball so great over the NBA and not curtail that energy TOO much.

37) Speaking of perfect storms.  Check out this luck.  On my flight back, the stewardess were told to block off the last row.  My seat was in that row per my little boarding pass.  There was one other guy in the same boat.  He has moved to the other side of the aisle, and is presently fully lengthwise chilling to a movie.  I personally can say that I am fully using all three seats in some way to the best of my ability.  Small pleasures in life make me happy, especially ones that allow my long legs to not have cramps at the end of flights.

38) Days after LeBron’s master dunk, Blake Griffin responds with a full posterization of his opponent.  Maybe LeBron’s was cooler in some respect because he jumped fully OVER someone, but Blake’s was much better in this matchup.  More powerful.  Word is we will get a response from shortly.  Two side notes on this topic.  One, although Blake’s dunks are incredible, and I am not knocking him for this, but it is kind of bugging me how he throws it DOWN through the air into the basket.  Actually, I just reread that statement.  That is stupid of me.  I am bitching because someone is throwing it DOWN into the basket?  Lol.  He must be SUCH a slacker.  Two, come on LeBron.  I know you are chasing a championship, but this is the PERFECT year to come out and reinvigorate the dunk contest.  PERFECT.  You, Blake, and the token “guy who hasn’t reached his potential yet but really can dunk well”  guy.

39)  Dudes these days…come ON, Antrel.  Just say it.  You WANT to, I know.  If it was ANY team on the other side besides the Pats, you would guarantee victory, wouldn’t you?  For the record, he is simply saying to the media that “he is expecting to win.”  Wuss.

40) Ahhh.  The bracket buster games that the NCAA invented a couple years ago to match up teams we are not sure we totally believe in and have them play each other.  Fancy idea.  Murray State.  You have good news and then possible bad news.  The good news is that you are in the top ten for the first time ever.  The bad news is your bracket buster game is St. Mary’s aka the “we would be SO MUCH more famous if it wasn’t for that damn Gonzaga squad.” team.  Wow.  I can’t speak for everyone out there, but if you pull that one off, you will have a closet cheerleader over here for sure.

41) I don’t have a sweet tooth at all, but I just had  a Frontier cookie.  It was absolutely delicious.  If I was rich, I would just fly around on Frontier and eat cookies.

42) After Schiano leaves Rutgers, assistant coach Flood has accepted the new gig. With recruits who verbally committed to Rutgers suddenly looking at other options with signing day this week, I would have hired a guy named Dam.

43) See?  They had extra cookies left, and I am the friendly guy taking up the entire back row.  TWO cookies now.  Yay.

44) Bud Selig supports more playoff teams starting possibly this next year, and Gary Bettman thinks shootouts are cool for now.  I agree wholeheartedly with Bettman and would like to punch Bud Selig in the gut.

45) Rachel Alexandra finished her pregnancy successfully.  Who’s your daddy, kid?  Oh.  Curlin.  Wow.  Be nice to the other horses at horse school.  Don’t think you will need a Seinfeld false start to take THOSE lads. Just remember, ‘rents, if the kid doesn’t make it in racing, have that basketball court in the backyard.  WNBA is always a second option.

46) Jerome Simpson continues his topsy turvy year.  This week, he plead not-guilty to marijuana trafficking.  In other news, his flip at the goal line is still the play of the year and taking on all comers in “Top Plays.”

47) What is that cliché?  Don’t put all your eggs in one basket?  Sad story here.  Highly touted football recruit, Jontrey Tillman, pledged allegiance to Stanford early on.  He never even visited another school.  Days before national signing day, he gets rejected.  Him and his mad football skills, his 4.0 GPA, and 26 ACT score.  Stanford has rules of non-disclosure on rejections.  Dude is scrambling now to land somewhere.  Ironically, Colorado is a top option.  Within a week, CU could land a recruit who ruined his chances at Michigan by tweeting bad stuff, and then Jontrey, who is the loyal honest kid who gets screwed.  I say make them room together too.

48) A long time ago…in a galaxy far away, Pat Burrell was drafted #1 overall in the Major League draft.  He was supposedly the next coming of pure power.  Well, after a couple different teams and lots of mental headaches (him CAUSING them, not receiving them), he retired this week…in a blurb.  From a Phillies fan perspective, thanks for that pivotal hit in Game 5 of the 2008 Series, and may the force be with you, bro.  Don’t worry.  I will try and not use terms like “underachieved” and “unreached potential” with sentences with you…I will try.

49) The poor Milwaukee Bucks.  They are showing here and there signs of being decent.  Then what happens?  Andrew Bogut breaks his foot.  As Jerry would say, “that’s a shame.”

50) Hmmm.  Where to now.  Still got a lot of time on this plane ride.  I know.  I have a newspaper.  Let’s make lists and break down the NBA standings and see if things have kind of reached equilibrium.

NBA: present order listed

ATLANTIC: Philly, Boston, New York, New Jersey, Toronto

This looks ok, but some changes will happen.  Philly is a great early season story.  I am not buying stock.  Look at their lineup, and you wouldn’t either, unless they singlehandedly obtained the greatest amount of “guy who hasn’t reached his potential yet” guys in one motion.  I think Boston’s old guys win this one out (before getting smoked by either Chicago or Miami), with New York playing just ENOUGH defense to get second in this division.  Philly will still make the playoffs in the third spot.  New Jersey is the wild card.  No Dwight Howard, and “no-d” Bargnani and the Raptors might catch them.  WITH that guy, and depending on WHEN they get him, it could change things.  No matter how bad the team is right now, remember Deron Williams is still on that team.  Poor guy just has no one to pass to.

SOUTHEAST: Miami, Atlanta, Orlando, Washington, Charlotte

If the last week hadn’t happened with Orlando (in case you live in a bubble, they look suddenly HORRIBLE), I would say that switching them with Atlanta would be my only change…but ONLY because Horford is out.  If Howard stays, I still like Orlando to take Atlanta out of their spot.  Miami will win this division decisively, Atlanta will hang around, Orlando will just try and find their identity and enjoy the All-Star festivities if no Howard and scare Atlanta if they have him, and John Wall will be enough to beat out the AWFUL Charlotte Bobcats.  I say Washington ends up in the high part of the lottery, and possibly packages some of that young untapped potential talent on their team to get someone that can actually score when John Wall passes it to them.

CENTRAL: Chicago, Indiana, Milwaukee, Cleveland, Detroit

Perfect.  Thanks for already getting into perfect line, guys.  You all can go to recess and lunch first before the other groups.  Chicago is still my title favorite (under the acknowledgement from you that I am TRYING not to pick Miami), Indiana is a solid upstart team with good talent, Milwaukee might be in that second spot if Bogut was not lost, Cleveland will have the rookie of the year most likely and then still have some juicy draft picks next year, and Detroit is like Maverick flying through Iceman’s jetwash…in a flat spin.

SOUTHWEST: Dallas, San Antonio, Houston, Memphis, New Orleans

It will be close, but San Antonio will win this division.  Dallas will be in a solid playoff position, Houston will…just be Houston, Memphis is nothing without the headcase he is Zach Randolph, and New Orleans will simply just exist.  Really quick.  Guess Tony Parker’s age.  Do it.  Bet you said thirty something.  Because Duncan is on his way out, and Manu gets hurt a lot and is up in the years, Tony Parker gets lumped in with them.  Dude is 29, and having a solid year.  When they get Manu back, they will still have some juice left in this thing to scare people.

NORTHWEST: Oklahoma City, Denver, Utah, Portland, Minnesota

Wrong.  Oklahoma City and Denver are correct.  Denver will be the top non-division winner seed, but they won’t catch Durant and company.  My correction in this one is with Minnesota.  Minnesota is going to move up to third, Utah will take their spot at the bottom, and Portland will stay right where it is.  That Minnesota team is still learning to play with each other, but I have seen enough brilliant patches in the last few weeks to believe that their move is coming.

PACIFIC: LA Clippers, LA Lakers, Phoenix, Golden State, Sacramento

Not that either will make the playoffs, but switch up Phoenix and Golden State.  Phoenix’s age will hurt them later in the season, and I like Marc Jackson’s defensive approach with Golden State.  I think with the addition of Chris Paul, and barring any injuries, I am good with the Clippers taking this division.  They better, because if I am right and the Nuggets have the better record than these two, the 2^nd place team in this division has the RIDICULOUS first round matchup of the likes of San Antonio or Denver.

51) NHL…let’s just do a quick breakdown.

EASTERN CONFERENCE:

-with or without Crosby, I think the Pens still take this division.

-I am quite surprised how well Philly is playing without Pronger

-with Brodeur getting to the end of his time, New Jersey will be the scariest 8^th seed in years

-I think the Canadiens will make one good run before the end of the season.  Good talent over there.

-Ottawa has to do something special to impress me with their flameouts over the years

VERDICT: Boston over Pens in Final

WESTERN CONFERENCE:

-Detroit is really trying to piss off father time with some of their players

-Vancouver could be the most complete team in hockey right now

-what the HELL has happened to Anaheim over the years?

-is Edmonton playing drunk?  Thought they would be decent this year

-is Chicago PURPOSELY hanging out in 4^th in their division on purpose?  Do they think we can’t see them?

VERDICT: San Jose over Chicago in Final

CUP FINAL: San Jose over Boston in 6 games

52) I haven’t DRIVEN through Virginia in a while.  I have been in a lot of states.  That state HAS to hold the record for most “highways” with two lanes on each side, separated by a medium, with EXTREMELY LONG lights interrupting your drive.

53) Deep thought about airlines.  I think that airlines are the ONE type of industry where NEW airlines can come in and be big time every few years (Southwest, Frontier).  Reason? We ALL figure it is better to fly on newer planes.

54) There is NOTHING like living in the mountains in the middle of the country, and then going to a place by the water and having fresh seafood.  I had crab soup and crab cakes Monday night.  It was orgasmic.

55)   That is it.  You now have clearance, Clarence.  Making descent into Denver.  A copy and paste at home, and that it is.  Plus, I have been absolutely NON STOP since 730am this morning.  No time to even reply to emails.  My point?  I bet you I have over 50 unread emails in my inbox.  Coming from an OCD person who can’t STAND to have a scroll on my inbox, it just kills me.  Airplane is one of my favorite comedy movies of ALL time.  Go watch it.  Peace, people.  Talk to you next time.

I hope this rant is "Good Enough." If you haven't ever read this blog, I give you "Fair Warning."

Read it, don't read it, I don't care...just needed to get some things off my chest.


In no particular order of chronology or importance...


Balance (not you Danielson-this is a Van Halen themed blog).  Remember, women and children first, people.


1)  I don't even know the guy.  At all.  But, I am starting to like Tim Thomas, goalie for the Bruins, less every day.  The Bruins recently got their trip to the White House for winning the Stanley Cup (why the HELL is the visit during the next season anyway?  The White House couldn't eek out a few minutes in the offseason?)  ANYWAY, two things bother me on this, and not sure which one bothers me more.  First, Tim Thomas was a no-show.  Second, he announced his sincere reasons...on FACEBOOK.  Come on, dude.  It bothers me enough you did it using a social media, but it doubles it that you used an outdated one.  Aren't you cool athletes supposed to be saying stupid shit on Twitter these days?  Catch up.  Add this to you breaking tradition and lifting the Cup over your head AFTER the season started, and you now have someone rooting against you.


2)  Weird.  Who is one of our generation's sports "winners?"  Before you answer that, tell me which of the major teams in Beantown has gone the longest without a championship?  Yup.  First answer is Tom Brady.  Second answer is the Pats.  You could figure it out if you flowchart the shit, but you wouldn't expect that answer at first glance to the question.  By the way, someone who has a crazy job (that I would like to have) at ESPN polled hundreds of married chicks and found out that the majority of married women in the U.S. would rather have an affair with Eli Manning than Tom Brady.  That is some serious free time, ESPN.


3)  Tiger tees off this week.  He played with Rory McElroy, one of the slew of players looking to be the next Tiger, and also assuming that Tiger is done (not.).   His -2 for the round isn't going to blow you away.  I get that.  I am watching his greens in regulation to determine his accuracy in a part of the game he used to dominate.  What was impressive today was this.  He got that -2 putting THIRTY FOUR times.  That is a lot.  17 of 18 greens in regulation he hit.  Watch out people.  If he would have made under 30 putts, still a bad stat, he would be in the lead right now.


4)  I LOVE the fact that I just told you how freaking good Kevin Love was last time, and two things happen in the next two days (by no means am I saying it happened BECAUSE I said it-just crazy timing).  There is a special article on him the next day after the rant about his improvement, and then a day later he inks a 4 year extension.  Dude can play on my team ANY time.  I also love how he got 31 and 10 the night after signing the extension.  Hey, Chris Johnson.  Give Kevin a call.  Maybe you can develop a phrase like "get PAID, and keep trying to be the best..."


5)  I watched the "germ-a-phobe" Seinfeld the other night.  My mind doesn't drift from either sports or Seinfeld but a couple minutes a day.  That being said, I think the Knicks are also germ-a-phobes. The way they play defense, they don't put a body on ANYONE.  I feel like going to make a salad in my shower and surprising them the next time they play the Nuggets here.  I just need someone to dismantle the latch hasp of my new Clarkman.


6)  I am a rusty classically trained piano player (I REFUSE to say the word "pianist").  I played for the first time today in a long time.  Figures that the only song I played perfectly was (there is an explanation, tough guys) Somewhere My Love from Dr. Zhivago.  This makes sense.  My mom made me play it every day when done practicing. That is a lot of times.


7)  LeBron does some dumb shit on the court occasionally.  He also does some cool stuff on the court.  He also does cool stuff that would be really dumb if it didn't work.  See his behind the back inbounds pass the other night?  It was awesome...only because it worked.  Gutsy, bro.  It will be even cooler if you get 1,2,3,4,5,6... (quoting HIM, not saying he will) championships.  You will be like the basketball version of Roger Federer, who looks REALLY cool when he goes between the legs on a passing shot attempt.  He has a few, so we smile when he tries.


8)  Oklahoma State basketball beats Missouri.  Forget the fact that Le'Bryan Nash, a freshmen, exploded for 19 second half points (kid looks REALLY good).  Forget that I don't like Missouri as a contender anyway and they shouldn't be at #2 (fast roster from old regime playing a slower game with new regime).  Let's just do THIS.  Kim English?  Meet Markel Brown.  Markel Brown?  Meet Kim English.  Kim.  Be glad they don't make posterizations on Fathead, because you got DUNKED on, brother.


9)  The Wizards played the Bobcats the other night.  If anyone who grew up in ANY other place besides the DC area or Charlotte watched that game, I would like to chat with you.  Do you like seeing MJ sit in the stands?  Do you want to watch a bunch of youngsters who came out of college too early?  Are you watching every team this year on TV and starting with the worst teams?  Painful.


10)  Depressed we didn't have Jo-Wilfried Tsonga anywhere in the mix, but loved the final four tennis players left on the men's side...pretty much the four best in the game these days.  Federer, Nadal, Djokovic, Murray.  Nadal beats Federer to get to the final.  Word is that they all go out for drinks after tournaments, but they still don't invite Andy Murray aka "the living semi final."  Dude has to win one before he can do shots with those boys.  Side note on "#6 on my list," and my women's pick.  In the finals.  Go, Maria.


11)  Damn, I would be pissed.  Greg Schiano worked years at developing recruiting at a non-football school Rutgers (Ray Rice would be his pride and joy) and then he leaves to go coach the Bucs. I get it.  NFL.  Dreams (GREAT Van Halen song).  Living in Jersey sucks.  But Rutgers had the #32 ranked recruiting class in the nation for next year, and we are days from signing day.  Those kids are PISSED.


12)  I am not a soccer expert, but I know enough.  You get that way when you go to a college school where it was really hip going to watch our team smoke someone else while I went there.  I wasn't happy about Ben Olsen (went on to soccer fame) stealing Melissa Starks (went on to become ESPN announcer) from me after we went on two dates (expected-I wasn't even a fraternity guy yet), but I am a fan nevertheless.  I am not a fan of soccer leagues, but I become an absolute freak during the World Cup (SO want to go to Rio in 2014 and totally will make it happen).  ANYWAY, I did open CNNSI's article about the "ultimate soccer draft."  I at least looked at the first round.  Curious, and I LOVE lists and flowcharts.  Sad thing that players who are fresher on our minds override people of the past.  (Kind of like I will fully admit that Michael Jordan is the best player of all time, but if WE are picking an all time draft, and you take MJ first, I will IMMEDIATELY pick Oscar Robertson-wouldn't even think about it.  Then you take Bill Russell, Wilt Chamberlain, or Kareem, and then I take one of the other two.  Easy stuff.)  ANYWAY AGAIN.  Fresher on our mind.  Lionel Messi goes #1??  Really?  I am not really as familiar with Johan Cruyff to talk about him, but there is NO way I am taking Messi over Maradona, Pele, or Beckenbauer.  Hell.  Beckenbauer played the semi-finals in 1970 with a broken arm in a SLING!!!  Like the soccer version of Kellen Winslow.  Moving on.


13)  I don't care how famous you are, how genuine you are, or how bored you are making ugly college football uniforms, there is NO NEED to take a side in the Paterno thing in the media.  Phil Knight.  Thanks for getting Joe Pa's back. Why don't you wait a few more weeks until the whole "death" thing settles down, and go back to figuring other ways where you can put training centers on campus, how many more Jordan shoes you can milk, and how else to intertwine green and gold in the worst possible way?


14)  The Hoodie acts like he is a hockey coach and sits Tom Brady down weekly with a vague injury to get attention in the media.  Gronkowski sitting out a practice is bad news.  I don't think Bill wants him missing out on too much.  I can't figure out if it is because I am rooting for the little brother (Eli) or actually think this, but I think the Giants take this game 27-23.  Of course, if the Pats win, I am happy too (on my man crush list), so I guess this is the classic case of "win-win."


15)  I bet you can't find 10 people in the world more excited about the fact that Van Halen is coming out with a new CD more than me.  Get that survey guy from ESPN who did the married woman's poll and TRY.  Dare you.  I even went to the freaking tour stop with Extreme's Gary Cherone.  I have heard the new song "Tattoo," and parts of others.  They are AWESOME.  They survived glam rock.  They survived alternative, which then oddly enough became mainstream.  They sound EXACTLY like they did in 1981 or so.  Love it.  People are saying that their new songs sound like their old songs.  All the power to VH.  I always say this.  No matter how good or bad you are, if someone can tell it is YOU in the first 10 seconds, then you have created a niche and have your own sound.  You have one.  VH has done that.  Could be because they have the most badass guitarist we have ever seen, but regardless, they have a sound.  Mission accomplished.  Check out their new song.  It is solid. 


16)  I refuse to look this up.  REFUSE. Are we supposed to know that this company is doing this on purpose and luckily had a similar name, or is it by accident am I just ultra sensitive to it.  Home Depot. "Depot time?"  Really?  Weeks after the Broncos season ended?  TOO similar.  Why don't you just go and scratch your nails on the chalkboard and we can call it a day?


17)  Bad contract negotiations?  Anything involving Baron Davis.  Decent contract negotiations?  Texas signing on Mack Brown for more years (one championship with that talent?  Well, at least he is not Rick Barnes I suppose, has a championship, and is a hell of a recruiter).  Great contract negotiations?  The Nuggets signing Gallinari for 4 years.  Lock that dude up.  He can ball, is young, and seems like a really classy guy.


18)  That Van Halen take got me thinking.  Have I ever been Hot for Teacher?  I guess not totally, although I do remember an English teacher named Ms. Frank being pretty hot in my 7th grade.  We were too busy trying to write love notes after that in Latin class because we refused to think it was a dead language, and liked girls, and then Mrs. Gable busted us, and put the note up on the projector, and dissected where we didn't use proper format or didn't use the "subjunctive mood."  Imagine your teacher saying "if you want to "do her,"  you have to use this wording."  Classic.  Loved Mrs. Gable.  We also loved Mr. Clark in 8th grade.  I am showing my age a lot here, but that is when COMPUTERS were first being brought into the classroom.  Funny. The only thing I remember about that class is that we played Bird vs. Dr. J...a LOT.


19)    Not bad for being a freak.  Tim Lincecum signs for 2 years and $40 mil plus.  Wow.  Is it horrible that I think they should have found another $40 mil and done the deal for 4 years?  That short guy might have been getting beat up a lot in high school, but no one is laughing now.  The bullies are sitting home on their front porch, drinking Night Train, and listening to Van Halen.


20)  Prince Fielder goes to Detroit. for a LOT of money.  I think it was 7 years, $214 mil plus.  Wow.  Side note.  Prince, are you TRYING to play for cities that suck.  Not saying anything about what you are looking for, but Milwaukee and Detroit?  You must be a monk, and not like oceans, cool bars, clean cities, etc.


21)  I saw Ides of March this week.  I won't spend a lot of time on this, and I won't give away anything about the plot.  Kind of a weak beginning, incredible middle, and then the usual...lack of creativity in the finale...things that make a movie like Usual Suspects brilliant.


22)  I am still SO bothered by this.  College basketball.  Monday is "Big Monday."  Tuesday is "Super Tuesday."  What is Wednesday?  "Wednesday Night Hoops?"  You guys need SOMETHING.  I guess you don't.  I will still watch.  Just saying.  Confused.


23)  This week marked the 25th anniversary of the college 3 point shot.  This week also marked the 25th anniversary of knowing that Pete Maravich would have averaged 60.1 points for his career if that would have been in place during his time.


24)  I won't go into my Anthony Davis, shot blocking take again.  But a new fact I became aware of this week.  All that, single season record already in school history, and NO games of fouling out.  Amazing.  Shot blocking is tough.  And you are in close quarters.  Not fouling out with those stats means you are an athletic freak and a very smart kid.


25)  Two in a row after two bombs.  Criminal Minds was once again brilliant this past week.  Keep it up, guys.


26)  Jorge Posada announced his retirement this week.  Just like his career, which dragged on and on, I thought he had already done this.  You are on double secret probation until I am clear you are done with the media.


27)  The sky is blue, and the grass is green.  And.  Some recruit would be the first victim of messing up their scholarship because of social media.  Yuri Wright did something on Twitter (apparently you have to find it on the internet-I don't have that kind of time...it takes long enough to write THIS shit with the hours I put into my job).  ANYWAY.  He said some bad stuff in the midst of being accepted to Michigan, and now ended up going to Colorado.  I am not busting on Colorado.  I live here.  Just saying that even in 1990 after CU's championship, Michigan is more of an honor.  Way to go, Yuri.  I would make a Kevin Costner/ No Way Out joke, but I already dated myself with the computers in the classroom statement.


28)  Brian Urlacher apparently lied about injuries over the years.  Really?  That dude just LOOKS tough.  Why is that a wire item?  That is like saying you didn't believe that Chris Spielman locked himself in a room without furniture for hours and just thought about the game.  Dude was crazy.  and good.  And.  I even think that story is true.  It is at least more true than the McEnroe "hit it into the stands" quote I constantly reference. Confused.


29)  Odd headlines.  "The Wizards make Saunders disppear."  What?  Did the thesaurus you own run out of words after "fired, dismiss, etc.?"  I have to admit.  Have to come clean.  Even though I got what they meant, the fact they phrased it that way actually made me open the article.  Mission accomplished.  I went home and watched The Prestige that night for some reason also (GREAT movie by the way).


30)  Luol Deng.  The BEST basketball player in the league that NO non fan knows.  He would have been a famous college bball player.  He played at Duke.  But, unlike Corey Maggette, he was CLEARLY ready for the next level.  Anyway, he has a torn ligament in his leg.  Derrick Rose gets the pub, but Deng is an incredible AND complete baller.  He goes down, Rose comes back, and what happens?  They lose their FIRST road game.  Chicago can win it all this year, and Rose is their best player, but they NEED Deng to make a serious run.


31)  "Manning wants to stay with Colts."  "Peyton's public complaints irked Irsay."  "Peyton is a ref in a new commercial that is kind of funny."  Stop.  Ok, at least the first two.  I say this.  Keep Peyton off the wire TOTALLY for the next two weeks.  Can Eli have his share for a little bit?  Disclaimer:  I am not yelling at you, Peyton.  I am yelling at the media.  Maybe they are distracted by sudden movements and squirrels.  Hey, media!!!  Brett Favre is throwing balls to high school kids in Mississippi!  Go check it out.  Cool.  Peyton, I got them off your back for a couple days.


32)  Notre Dame women's basketball team held Pat Summit's Volunteers to the lowest total in school history.  44 points.  I am such a fan of hers and her class.  Hope that isn't a sign they are rebuilding. Of course, rebuilding at that program means dropping to a ranking above 10, but still...


33)  Shhhhh.  I am not even a fan of them...Quietly, the Red Wings have won SEVENTEEN straight at home.  Every time we think they are fading, they do something like this.  Ponce de Leon?  Meet Nicklas Lidstrom.  Nicklas Lidstrom?  Meet Ponce de Leon.  I think you have already told Nicklas about it, but I think Nicklas has dibs on the fountain of youth.  Maybe when Gordie Howe retired, he gave it to Robert Parrish, and when Robert Parrish retired, he gave it to Kevin Willis, and when Kevin Willis retired, he gave it to Nicklas.  Just saying.  I could flow chart it if you want.  I really do like flowcharts.


34)  My fellow blogger is back (we both started at the same time).  Yay.  Get your sarcastic insight on sports here, and get movie information there.  He has a new one.  Check it out.  Plus, he does lists, which I also love.  http://rockiesmovies.blogspot.com/  He examines movies you stop and involve in remote flipping, even if you have the DVD on your shelf.  Fellow blogger, I like the list.  I will say this.  All your movies are GOOD movies.  You have MUCH better taste than me.  My flippers are FUN movies.  That is why I stop.  Karate Kid?  Not on the list?  Rocky IV?  Not on the list.  They would be 1 and 2 in my book.


35)  I think it is so funny.  KU basketball loses pretty much everyone to the NBA or graduation from a Elite Eight team, and now has the odds on favorite player to win the Wooden Award, and is hot as shit.  You know?  Sometimes we (me, included) fault top tier program schools' coaches for having so much talent.  We almost forget how great of coaches they are.  Well, give my coach of the year vote (I don't have one surprisingly) to Bill Self right  now.  His players are BALLING, and he is COACHING.  Way to go, bro.  They are playing SO Selfish, but not selfish...


36)  I get the concept, but bad idea.  Navy football is joining the Big East in 2015.  Why?  I suppose you saw this season on TV and assume they will be just as bad in 2015, and I know you are smart.  I would say just enjoy that we take our hats off to you daily for what you do and your commitment, know that we know that academic and physical rules prohibit you from getting the best players in the nation, try to knock off Notre Dame each year, and call it a day.  Confused.


37)  Another note on Van Halen, and I was reminded because of that last patriotic stuff take.  When I graduated eighth grade, we hit one of those country anniversaries.  A guy named Enrico, Eddie (not Van Halen), and myself lobbied our music teacher for MONTHS to have Van Halen "Dreams" as our graduation song.  We lost.  It would have been SO cool.  I can still play that damn song...backwards.


37a)  I am addicted to the number 11.  Addicted.  I am like a dumb Rain Man, because I can add numbers of license plates and various other things, and hope that it adds up to 11.  I can't believe it took me this long to notice this, but 5150 adds up to 11.  How did it take me THIS long to notice that?


38)  Rest in peace, Joe Pa.  Thousands of people showed up to his funeral.  Well deserved.  Remember, the rule is 40%.  What we know from the media at the MOST.  Sucks he died.  Sucks more he died in the time frame he did...for him.  All I know is this.  HE didn't do anything to those boys.  He might be faulted for not being proactive as he should be, but let's not ruin a man's entire legacy off of  one story that he MAY have been not as strong as he should have been.  I am not going all Phil Knight on you, but I will remember him in a good way.  


39)  I could literally break down (which I frequently do) all seven of the new NFL hires.  I won't.  I am tired, and have an early day tomorrow.  What I WILL do is this.  Sometimes, teams hire retreads...names we know.  Past head coaches.  That did not happen for the most part this year.  Something different happened about 5 years ago, and it happened again this year. Folks, welcome the latest version of "possible gambles on assistant/ college coaches"/ "future great coaches who were given a shot."


40)  To any haters of college or NBA basketball, I hoped you enjoyed this blog.  I guarantee this is the least amount of basketball you will ever see in my blog.  And 40 is a nice round number.  Keeping my Van Halen theme.  Pretend your name is "Jane."  Don't be insecure, guys.  For two seconds, pretend your name is Jane.  Ok?  I would like to say "Goodbye to Jane."  (rare unreleased song by them) Peace.

If my calculations are correct, when this baby hits eighty-eight miles an hour...you are gonna see some serious shit...

Read it, don't read it, I don't care...just needed to get some things off my chest.


In no particular order of chronology or importance...


1)  Oregon head coach Chip Kelly was in talks this week with the Tampa Bay Buccaneers.  He has announced now that he will not take the job and remain in Oregon.  My problem with it is this.  Sure, I get you have to examine all angles if you are a successful coach like Chip is.  That being said, you let all of this go down in the media one week before signing day.  I can't speak for all recruits, but if I am a guy on the fence between Oregon and another school, I am leaning the other way, as clearly Chip Kelly isn't in ultimate happiness and content (message also from my super-cool rock concert church I go to...stop bitching about things.  There is a bigger plan.).  He is still checking things out.  I would have a subconscious worry that he might jump somewhere else while I am at school there. The problem with this theory is that the school is funded by Nike, so maybe coaching isn't as important to me and I would still just want to go use their fancy facilities.


2)  I admit it.  Even though I picked the Bulls to come out of the East in the NBA, there was a logical, basketball part of me that thought it actually might be feasible for the Heat to give that '96-'97 single season wins record a run.  Obviously, that concept is now gone.  I know they have had some injuries, but their losses still came against a couple teams they should have beat, outside the Nuggets (I don't consider that a bad loss, as the Nuggets will continue to be dangerous for anyone).  I thought the chemistry would really come together for the Heat squad this year.  Not.  11-5 at writing time.  Guess not.


3)  I follow golf relatively closely, although of course there will be winners from time to time I am less familiar with.  That being said, I admit that this is the second straight week that I couldn't read the headline and know the winner's first name.  Crazy stuff.  Forget that.  Let's talk about a cool golf story.  Bubba Watson, who his peers say is one of the best guys on tour, just bought the actual Dukes of Hazzard car this week.  That is awesome.  Makes you understand his low key, southern personality a little more, and makes me sad that I don't just have cash sitting around that I can spend on fun stuff.  Whoever the hell owns that DeLorean from Back to the Future would be bothered by my phone calls and emails if that was the case.


4)  I don't understand racing.  Danica Patrick has announced she will not run the Indianapolis 500.  Uhhh.  Didn't she JUST announce she was doing NASCAR this year?  I just ASSUMED she wasn't running the Indy 500 since she is now invested in stock cars.  I thought the last person to cross over at the same time was Tony Stewart back in the day trying to win a truck race, stock car race, and Indy race all in the same weekend.  I think it was 2001.


5)  Baron Davis is now practicing with the Knicks.  Great.  This all sets up too perfect for headcase Davis.  The Knicks are presently struggling.  He is about to start playing.  The Knicks are better than their record.  But.  If they start playing up to the level they should be, and Baron happens to be playing during that turnaround, he will once again get credit for something he does not deserve.


6)  Thought this would be a bigger headline instead of just a blurb.  All of the Big Ben haters snickered and cringed at the same time probably when they read that there "was a settlement" in the Lake Tahoe lawsuit.  I am a Steelers fan, am sure no matter how it turned out that he wronged that college bar chick on some level, and also am not totally buying into his innocence in a really weird report from out at Lake Tahoe.  Remember, the MOST we know is 40% of what is reported according to my theory.  This one would hover more around 10% though.


7)  Joe Pa died this week.  There is no reason to really drag this take out, when there are so many mixed emotions that go on during their little debacle.  Let's leave it to this.  My heart and prayers go out to his family, I mourn the loss of a coach that literally BECAME that football program, and I have a feeling that with the timing of everything, that he just kind of justifiably quit on life.  Sad.


8) Interesting tidbit for everyone on the UNC basketball bandwagon because of the boat load of talent they have over there.  Not one team since 1993 has won March Madness after losing by more than 25 points in any game during the season.  Last team to do it?  '93 Carolina.  So, I guess you could lament that 33 pt loss and say it might happen again in March, or say "hey, our school was the last to do it."  You say tomaaaato and I say tomahto.  Side note.  They just lost Dexter Strickland to an ACL injury.  That is the bad news.  The good news is that their lack of shooting (which still bothers me) isn't really effected at all on this loss.  Dude doesn't shoot any 3 ptrs.


9)  I work next to a guy at work who has a trait that fits right into me growing up in the eighties.  When he sighs, he makes this long ooooooooohhhhhmmmm that goes lower as it carries on.  This wouldn't interest me as is that much.  Everyone has odd traits.  But his is special to me.  It sounds EXACTLY like a sound effect in the video game Centipede.  EXACTLY.  You know when that bug comes straight down at you, and if you don't shoot it, it leaves a line of mushrooms or shrubs or something that will deflect the centipede if you don't shoot them?  THAT is what he sounds like.  Sometimes I just sit there and WAIT for it.


10)  Tiger has said that Haney's book is inaccurate and unprofessional.  Dude, I haven't read the book.  I don't know if he got into Perkins' waitresses.  I am just saying this.  You dug your own hole, and amazingly, the only way a lot of you fans come back to you is if you win something.  Ironic.  You want to win to catch Nicklaus.  People want you to win because otherwise they have nothing to be on your side for.  Just be quiet, get better, hope that Tony Romo doesn't play better than you at the Pebble Beach Pro-Am, and let your actions do the talking.  Side note.  I don't know why, but I am still rooting for you.  I might even go to Perkins this weekend for good karma.


11)  Too bad the Phoenix Suns didn't realize this during their prime.  Sure, the Saints already have a championship, but it was pretty clear this year that defense usually wins championships...in any sport.  They have hired Spagnola to run their defense.  Those offensive weapons will win MOST games, but not all of them.  Great hire.  Word is that when Spagnola accepted, he didn't even say "hello, Sean."  He just said "let's go get a Super Bowl."


12)  Article I didn't open and don't really care about.  The St. Louis Rams will be playing in London for a game over the next 3 years.  Why?  Is London hot for the Rams?  Is there some connection I am unaware of?  Does Bradford like traveling or have some chick over there?  I don't get it why a bad team with potential, trying to find its identity, as of late, signs up for that.  Confused.


13)  I didn't want this to go into the same take when I was talking about Joe Pa's death.  Just saying.  Do you know what the total severance pay was just for the Penn State assistants?  4.4 million.  Wow.


14)  The Steelers offensive coordinator Bruce Arians is set to retire. Word is that the Steelers are looking at OC's that are more blue collar, old school, Steelers football and run oriented.  Wait.  WAIT.  Not saying I don't like that style, but looking at our wideouts presently and our raper QB's skills, I would say meeting in the middle is a better plan. Come on, guys.


15)  Kobe and his wife officially split financially this week.  She didn't make out bad at all.  Like Eddie Murphy said in Raw, she got half. What is half?  $75 million plus a mansion or two.  Not bad at all.  Word is she is taking a vacation to CO to spend some.  Male hotel employees are suddenly not calling off work.


16)  Floyd Mayweather called out Manny Pacquiao again.  Dude, give it a rest.  Sure, he would fight you-he is just quieter and less idiotic than you.  I have never heard a guy who is about to go to prison talk so much shit.  You make me laugh, and that is why you are on my "team."


17)  In all of this trade talk rumors, Dwight Howard had another 20-20 night.  Dude is just a scary player.  He is like a really tall Shannon Sharpe in stature.  Remember who experts were debating on taking at #1 when he came into the draft?  Emeka Okafor.  I think the Magic made the right call.  You?


18)  Feeling like he is not getting enough blog time for being on my "team,"  Manny Ramirez is debating on a comeback.  Dude.  Just go do all of those odd things you do in your past time in Manny's world, and go quietly into the night.


19)  Kim Clijsters will just not go away (I actually don't want her to).  She was a #11 seed in this tourney and now gets the lucky task of playing #1 seed Wozniacki.  If I could figure out when the hell that shit was on (the schedule and whether it is live or taped really confuses me), I might try and catch it.  All I know is that Maria Sharapova is still in it, is playing well, is #6 overall on my chick list, and I like watching her matches with sound (YOU finish the joke-think HOT Monica Seles).  You go, girl.  I won't get a Williams matchup for you, but Serena losing (actually.  getting SMOKED) has paved the way out of your bracket.


20)  I won't go into this too much because I have said it a MILLION times.  That being said, I saw Mason Plumlee do a hook shot this week.  It worked.  Why wouldn't it?  Why aren't more players doing it?  It doesn't make freaking sense.  The player who went 88-2 in college, won multiple championships in the NBA, and is the all time leading scorer in the greatest basketball league on earth...used the sky hook.  SOMEONE.  Bring it back.  Hell, even a regular mini hook would make me happy.


21)  Kevin Love is becoming a scary player.  He took down the Clippers Friday with a buzzer beating 3 ptr.  It is one thing that the guy is a 20-15 guy on a bad team.  It is even scarier that the guy can shoot, too.  If I was starting a team, he would be on my list.


22)  Folks.  We have a Tressel sighting.  I repeat.  We have a Tressel sighting.  The Colts are talking to him.  Might as well, bro.  You are pretty much banned from college, so make the jump.  There are less rules in the NFL, and players already get paid.  You don't recruit, because there is what is called the draft.  You are all set.  In the AFC, we could feasibly have the "Hoodie" and the "Vest."  I like it.


23)  The Rangers co-owner has said he wants Josh Hamilton over Prince Fielder.  Not saying that Fielder isn't a player, but this a borderline sky is blue, grass is green take.  I would take Hamilton in a heartbeat over Fielder.  No offense, Prince.


24)  I got tricked.  I HATE when I open something for a headline, and don't realize that I don't care.  Damn.  Anyway, I saw "Rodriguez scores 5 in US's 14-0 rout."  I said who is Rodriguez, scored five what, what sport, and who did they beat??  It was women's soccer.  Dammit.


25)  Who is Florida State basketball?  They have losses to Princeton and Harvard (Harvard loss doesn't look all that bad these days) earlier this year, and then destroy UNC by 33, and beat Duke AT Cameron.  I don't care WHAT year you are talking about, winning at Cameron is a bitch.  Anyway, in our search for the third best ACC team and with my Cavs making a statement, the Seminoles do that and my Cavs lose AT HOME against their rival, VA Tech.  Good news is that UVA kept VA Tech to 47 pts, under their nationally ranked average of 50 point something.  Bad news is that UVA scored only 45.  That won't work, boys.


26)  Crazy bball weekend all over.  The Baylor Bears lose AT HOME to Missouri.  Missouri jumps to #2 in the nation.  Evidently, I am the only person in the country who saw Missouri get absolutely smoked against K-State.  In addition, Syracuse drops to FOUR?  That is a little harsh.  I know.  I know.  They started all of their games at home early in the season.  They lost to quality team in one of the toughest places to play, with one of the best records against #1 teams all time.  I think you drop Syracuse to 2 or 3 and call it a day.  They didn't have Fab Melo for Pete's Sake.  I know that is different from Ohio State losing at KU without Jared Sullinger, but he is still a defensive presence to say the least.  That is like the Knicks losing Tyson Chandler.  Oh.  What?  Whoops.  Sorry.  TOTALLY different.  I realized the Knicks are somehow sucking at defense WITH Tyson.  Bad simile (I used "like" or "as," right?). 


27)  What an odd trade.  The Red Sox traded Marco Scutaro to the Rockies for Clayton Mortensen.  Scutaro actually started playing well late in the season, and the Rockies traded away a pitcher...a YOUNG pitcher.  Is this that whole "change of geography" trade thing?  Ok.  I get it.


28)  Except for the fact that I had to listen to Scott Hastings announce it, the Nuggets-Knicks 2 OT over the weekend was fun to watch.  Miller's crazy three, awesome alley oop, then them somehow giving him back the ball behind the 3 pt line, thinking he would make two in a row (too funny), and Gallinari's 38 pts.  Sure, they were playing the Knicks, who aren't really good right now.  The Knicks are like the poor man's Miami Heat...struggling with great talent.  The Nuggets are playing basketball the way it should be played.  Chemistry.  Unselfishness.  Energy.  Watch out for this team. Just saying.


29)  Just a Fillerbuster dumb joke.  I have KU-A&M on in the background.  At halftime, Bill Self said that his team was down because they were playing "selfish."  In his world, is that good or bad?  He he he.


30)  Interesting fact that I know you were losing sleep over.  I am here for you.  Clint Dempsey broke through for the United States soccer this week.  He is officially the first American to ever record a hat trick in the Premier league.  Google this people.  His last two goals were pretty freaking fancy.


31)  One more thing on Notre Dame basketball.  They are now 6-3 against #1 teams at home in their history.  Amazing record for a team that has two championships.  1927 and 1936.  Long time ago and a big lack of Final Fours for a team no one at the top of the rankings wants to play at their crib.


32)  Just above watching their refs dodge any contact with the puck and players on the ice, I am always amazed by NHL deflection goals.  When they show the replay, it doesn't even look like they are just sticking their stick out there and praying for a good result.  They actually look like they mean it.  I personally this might be tougher than hitting a 95 mph fastball.  Just saying.


33)  I love good "flippers."  I call this the shows/ movies you watch at commercial breaks when only one good sports event is showing.  I had a LOT going on Sunday.  Not only did I have UVA basketball in the first half (I admittedly have to tell you that the NFL game was my "flipper."), but check out the second half.  NFL football.  Gran Torino.  Rambo IV.  AND the end of Tin Cup as a bonus in the third quarter.  I should have just got a bedpan.  Anyway, if you haven't seen Rambo IV, you should check it out.  Not saying it is good.  Simply saying it is MUCH better than you would expect a Rambo IV to be.  I hear the earlier Rambo's weren't exactly in the Oscar conversations.


34)  I hear Ray Lewis is returning for another year.  That guy is a machine.  I would be pissed enough being a Raven for the last 6-7 years and know how close they get to the SB every year.  HE has at least won one.  Dude just wants to play obviously, or come back to training camp and harass Lee Evans the entire time.


35)  Odds on bet on who is watching the Super Bowl together in two weeks.  Kyle Williams, Lee Evans, and Ted Ginn (just because he wasn't there).  I hear that Kyle Williams is buying.  Quick.  Recon team.  Someone call Marcus Vick and Plaxico Burress.  Tell Marcus to pick them up ( I am not totally sure why I always want him to drive-think it is because that is the one offense he DIDN'T do).  Tell Plaxico to go get some guns.  I have a good feeling about this.  Strip club.  DO it.


36)  Joe Flacco actually played good enough to win.  Shame.  It is kind of like Phil Mickelson holing out a 7 iron in 2000 against Tiger Woods.  You do something of worth, and you STILL get pimped.  You will have your time, bro, as long as they can reload you defense.


37)  Speaking of the Ravens, did you know that they have a guy named Anquan Boldin on the team?  Remember that guy?  Poor guy went to the black hole of receiver land evidently.


38)  The 49ers defense also played good enough to win.  Shame.  They were one tier below of what the Ravens defense was in 2001, and Alex Smith was one tier below of...Trent Dilfer.


39)  I could break down the historical aspect of what happens if Eli Manning wins one more game.  There are plenty of sites with people who have writing about these historical aspects as their full time job to do that.  My job is to make funny comments about these historical aspects.  I just think this.  If he wins one more game, and him and Peyton get in an argument, only one of them will be walking away giving the other just the finger (it is because Eli will have two rings...).


40)  I think the Celtics should pick up Greg Oden.  Not because it would be a good fit.  I think that team and Greg Oden are aging at the exact same rate these days.


41)  I understand the concept of having a highly watched game being followed by the most watched show on TV.  I was thinking if the NFL got any new fans over the weekend.  Because I thought it was odd that the game, which went into overtime, was being followed by American Idol.  Hope a few shallow Idol watchers said, "I can't wait for my show, but I will watch this sporting event since it seems to be going over regular time."


42)  I just talked to people who are aging quickly.  In the words of Robert DeNiro in Heat, "there is a flip side to that coin."  Kevin Milwood just signed a minor league contract with the Mariners.  That guy has been around a long time.  I think Derek Lowe and him are the same person.  Where is the Lost producer?  I need him.  Time warps.  We can put Case Keenum from Houston on the show also.  Shit.  I really wish I had that DeLorean actually.  I am sure this all fits in SOME way.  I need a FLOW CHART PRONTO.  Shit.  If there was some way I could put the flux capacitor in Bubba's Watson's Dukes of Hazzard car.  If only...


43)  I have been praising the taste of Coke Zero for a while now.  I proved it again today.  My office was out of Coke Zero, probably because I have gotten everyone to drink it now.  Anyway, I got a Diet Pepsi instead.  Whereas I finish a Coke Zero on average in 4.3 minutes on average even while working, I threw away about 1/12th of the Diet Pepsi...after 20 minutes.  People.  Two things.  Watch Rambo IV and drink a Coke Zero while watching it.


44)  The Penguins have won 6 straight...without Crosby.  Wow.  Don't give me that addition by subtraction shit.  Can you even imagine that team with Sidney?  Sick.


44a) If you have not gone to see Extremely Loud, Incredibly Close, go see it...tomorrow.  It was moving, and the first movie to make me cry that did NOT involve a dog dying.  I compare it to such movies as Forrest Gump, Pay It Forward, etc.  It took a sensitive subject as 9/11, and broke it down in a way that we all can understand, without crossing the line for anyone who lost someone in that debacle.  It took  a complex plot, and gave closure to all plot area, with a realistic ending.  Brilliant.  Moving.  Powerful.  The irony is this.  I read a bunch of reviews when I got home from watching the movie, and the things people complained about, I actually liked about the movie.  It was a fragmenting movie.  It is worth the $10, people.  Go see it.


44b)  The Family Guy about Lois making an adult movie is on.  Classic.  Have I ever shared how freaking hilarious this show is?  I haven't?  Well, it is.


45)  That is it for tonight.  Roads?  Where we are going, we don't NEED roads.  Peace, all.  I am out.