Read it, don't read it, I don't care...just need to get some things off my chest.
In no particular order of chronology or importance...
What else are you selling? All kinds of shit. But I don't have to sell this and you know it. 'cause this kind of shit here sells itself...
1. What a World Series, people. It had a little bit of everything. It is a shame that the last game didn't have the end of game craziness as Game 6, but it was still a great series. Not that I was splitting the atom when I wrote it, but I did call that as an obvious 7 game series. Two very evenly matched, much flawed, but talented teams. I hope the Cardinals send a thank you card to Prince Fielder as he allowed them to celebrate in their crib. THEN, LaRussa retires, merely days after the end of the season. Talk about riding into the sunset... That is awesome. Now, he doesn't have to lose sleep at night wondering where the hell Pujols is going to end up, goes out a winner, and retires as one of the top 5 managers in the history of the game. Here is the thing. What a brilliant time to retire. Something tells me that he is VERY aware of the managing job he did with this team, doesn't see a lot of huge changes in the roster to the good happening, and is ducking out after pretty much being a genius. Sure, he had the one hiccup game where his decisions affected the outcome, but they still won it overall. Nice work, bro.
2. Speaking of coaching geniuses, what the hell is going on in Happy Valley? I am not doing this take as a huge Paterno fan, which I am. I am just doing the take because it is necessary. I seriously don't remember a team ever where both QB's suck so badly, the defense keeps them in the game every time, Lady Luck is totally on their side, and still winning every game. Their one loss? Remember? That's right. Bama. AND, if you ask the Bama players about that game, I am sure they were pretty happy to get the hell out of that game unscathed. 27-11 looks pretty close in comparison to some of Bama's other games. The closest thing I can think of is maybe those underachieving Iowa teams a couple years ago, or the Ravens 2000 team. Sorry, Trent. You are the man on TV and I love all of your takes, but you leading that team is like Tim Legler saying he was the go-to man back in his days in the NBA.
3. Big news! Myra had the baby! The NBA exhibition tour opener was cancelled. I thought it was already going on. I love basketball, and you can tell how little attention I paid attention to this story. Is this the same tour LeBron, Chris Paul, and Melo bowed out of? I am not even going to look it up, as I really don't care. I don't want LeBron bitching about losing a year of his run of 6 straight championships because of the lockout. Let's do this. Once again, screw the fans, the players, the owners, etc. What the HELL am I doing on Christmas Day if you guys cancel the season? Come on.
4. UNC was also #1 in the Preseason AP poll. I noticed they got all of the votes. Hey, Calipari, did you spend all of your payoff money on voters for the Coaches Poll? Didn't have enough to work one in on this one? By the way, I am not disagreeing with UNC being #1. I am not. They definitely have the most talent. But. Because a lot of ringers stayed in school at the top of the draft (you are welcome Kyrie Irving), I am surprised there weren't a few votes thrown elsewhere. There are about 5 or 6 REALLY good teams near the top. Just saying. This is going to be a fantastic college basketball year.
5. Wounded dog theory. If you betting people did not bet on OU this past week, well then I just don't know what to tell you. I wrote it in here, I think it was pretty obvious that it was going to happen, and it did. Like I said, they are not used to being a spoiler in their seasons, and usually don't blow it for another month or so, but I just have this feeling Oklahoma State will be knee deep in shit in that OU game.
6. Yay. Iverson is back in the news. My man. He is really, really, really, truly, honestly, humbly, ready to accept a reserve role on an NBA team this year. First of all, Allen, we need a season before you need to worry about this. Second, I love you, but I can't see a good team picking you up and messing with your chemistry. A bad team might do it for ticket sales. You're my boy, Blue, but I just don't see it happening. It took me a long time to own up to this as I love the guy, but sometimes when you lose a step, you can adjust your game. However, when you are undersized for one position and shoot too much for the other, then that step becomes about 3 steps. Go grab some beers with Terrell Owens, go to a strip club, and then get pulled over in one of your Lamborghini's. In the meantime though, continue to "practice." I know how much you love that aspect of the game.
7. Just in. CC Sabbathia is staying with the Yankees for some ridiculous amount of money. I have to agree with this move. Sure, they give outlandish money on free agents who raise our eyebrows and are just big names, but you know what you get with this cat. A bunch of innings, durability, 20 or so wins, and someone who knows how many World Series the Yankees have won per his recent tweet.
8. The Buffalo Bills signed Fitzpatrick. He will be pretty busy. They have also made him co-GM in their attempt at football Moneyball, given him the project of maximizing seating in their stadium, made him the point man on figuring out wind effects from Lake Erie affect field goal kicking, and tasked him with redesigning the team jet and bus to eliminate drag and save money. Good luck, bro. 48 on the Wonderlic? Pansy.
9. Andre Johnson just missed his 4th game. Passionate fantasy owners all over the nation are forming support groups to talk about when this stud is coming back. I am watching MNF. Perhaps you people are starting Jonathin Baldwin. He just scored.
10. Can we take ONE freaking day off of reporting about West Virginia, super conferences, leaving the Big East, and suing? Seriously, poor Mike Montgomery can't even get a whiff of the wire, and he had cancer surgery. Where are our priorities?
11. Brian Kelly had a nice bonehead week. Stop bitching about players not recruited by you. Are you TRYING to lose the team, which I am not even sure you have in the first place? It is freaking Notre Dame. I could go coach there and still have a top 30 recruiting class. A bad recruiting year for ND is like #18. You still have good players there, Mr. Kelly. Stop bitching, and concentrate on getting ND back in the mix. I am far from a fan, but there are certain schools being good simply make the FBS better, whether they are the loved team or the villain. Nebraska. Notre Dame. Alabama. Florida State. Miami. Just to name a few.
12. What have you done for me lately? Tashard Choice was a Godsend a year ago. The Cowboys stumble on DeMarco Murray, and now have dissed Choice. I don't know their WHOLE backfield, and maybe it was totally about money and injuries, but I would have kept that dude around. Dissing him is kind of like me throwing away my list of chick's numbers because I thought I was getting married and living happily ever after. Not a good move. Thank God for social media vehicles.
13. Even though I have no kids, no pets, and no girl, my weekends still manage to fill up pretty fast. That is the advantage of being a sports addict. Please. No contact with me AT ALL from 6-930 on Saturday for the Bama/ LSU game and 6-930 on Sunday night when my boys regulate shit against the Ravens. The Steelers game will be payback, and I feel good about it. The Bama game? Notice I am calling it the Bama game in that last sentence. Once again, that defense could line up against the Colts or Rams and be just fine. By the way, I forgot to tell you. My mom almost gave me a heart attack last week. She called me during the Steelers game. I immediately walked outside the place I was watching the game, hoping things were ok. Luckily, she was just calling me to tease me about Tebow's storybook ending, knowing it would make me nauseous. Moral of the story is that if you call me during a Steelers game, know that I will most likely think it is an emergency. By the way...
14. Tebow. You know what? I MIGHT come back to this take, but I am going to let it go for now. Between that Lions ass-kicking and the Steelers solid win while me double checking that Don Coryell wasn't suddenly the Steelers OC, it was a perfect day. Tebow mania is pretty quiet out here in D-town. Yay. John Fox says Tebow is still the starter. Of course he is. John, if you are playing 7 card stud and already raised someone with an off-suited 3 and 7, you might as well stick around for the river to make sure that straight ain't happening. Word to the wise. It ain't.
15. Incident that I am glad that I wasn't a part of. A prisoner from overseas got released in a trade. They played a joke on him and told him that the Mets won the World Series while he was in. That is really funny. I think that I would have been charged with assault if someone lied to me about my team winning a championship.
16. Maybe I am not into the spirit over the last few years, or maybe I just am tired of seeing people throw on face paint or a random top, and make me ask what the hell they are supposed to be dressed as.
17. OSU pummels K State. Enjoy the ride, boys. OU is going to pound you. By the way, RGIII, I would say that this weekend was officially the end of your Heisman run if it wasn't already done last week.
18. I went to a haunted house last week that was ranked by the Discovery Channel as the 10th best house in the nation. I was not impressed. I am starting to think that although I scream like a woman whenever a bee or wasp gets within 5 feet of me, that I am not very scarable (I don't care if that is not a word). It has a nice ring to it. Anyway, I haven't seen a scary movie since The Shining, and evidently I'm not too impressed by haunted houses. The problem is this in my opinion. I don't want wood or cloth dividers. I want a place that someone has built the scariness INTO. For example, take possession of a location that is scary at night naturally, and then build your tricks into it. Don't change a location to adapt to you ideas. By the way, how do you get the job of ranking the haunted houses for Discovery Channel? I am assuming she had to go to like 100 houses to form a large enough control group. I want that job.
19. Just saying. Kirk Herbstreit and Brent Musburger make a great team on Saturday nights. Old school and new school. Present legend with a sexual scratching hotel problem, and future legend who is oddly on my man crush list. It reminds me of The Score, one of my favorite hidden movie gems EVER. If you haven't seen it, stop reading this and go rent it. That movie was Marlon Brando, Robert DeNiro, and Edward Norton all together. GREAT heist flick.
20. Clemson is not for real. Nice knowing you, guys. Thanks for not jacking up the BCS debates at the end of the season. One less team for people to bitch about, and you now don't have to figure out how the hell to stop Kellen Moore in a bowl game.
21. Not that my schedule is really overloaded, but SO glad I took the time and watched that whole Stanford/ USC game that went to 3 overtimes. GREAT game. Stanford is the one team I see in the top ten that might match up well with...Bama (or LSU if I am wrong of course). They have a star QB and a TOUGH team with power, size, and speed. They are like Oregon last year on roids. I am not saying that they are home free by any means to get there, but USC was a huge test that they overcame.
22. Damn, Wisconsin. Embarrassing my preseason pick by losing once is bad enough, but twice in two weeks? What a time for Ohio State to show their old self? Well, their old self that still got smoked against the SEC every year.
23. Let's peruse ( I love that word) the BCS standings. LSU and Bama. They are fine right there as this weekend will clear that up. Okla St. They are good right there. They will be #2 after this week, and will be wondering what the hell hit them when OU waxes them a couple weeks down the road. Enjoy your stay. Mike Gundy is a MAN! Stanford. They are good at #4. They got by USC, but really didn't over impress anyone by their margin of victory. Boise. These guys just need ONE more good team on their schedule. Problem is? I bet they get a lot of "no's" over the last few years for home and homes. They need a lot to happen for them to get in the mix. Then we get to the usual suspect 1 loss teams. Oklahoma (wounded dog that might make it back in the mix...even though it was freaking Texas Tech at home they lost to), Arkansas (the top ten, offensive version of Penn State), Oregon (I am very impressed they are doing this with all of the injuries), South Carolina (if Garcia gets dismissed one game earlier, they are undefeated), Nebraska (that Wisconsin loss is looking less impressive every week), Clemson (pretenders evidently), and VA Tech (they do this EVERY FREAKING YEAR). Houston. Undefeated. 9 touchdowns in ONE game. I don't care WHO you are playing. 9 TD's is a LOT. He will get invited to NYC, but lose to someone who is playing a real schedule. K State. Party is over, Snyder. Still, a HELL of a job making football prominent...again. Just give him coach of the year right now. Michigan. Denard can't throw it accurately, but they are still winning. It is like figuring out if Drew Barrymore is hot or not. Penn State. Seriously, they are an enigma wrapped in a puzzle coached by one of my favorite people ever.
24. Fantasy. I am proud to say that more than half my team was on a bye this week (enough that I had to pick up Michael Jenkins AND Jason Hill just to not pull a Gene Hackman and have less players than needed. Hill got me 6.3 points), and as long as Matt Cassel does not score more than 22 points, I will win. By the way, I am pretty sure you don't read my rant, LeSean, but thanks anyway. Maybe someone will pass along my thanks.
25. Sprint Cup. Tony Stewart won. Just reporting it. You know the drill. For some reason, I want him to win though. I think I have liked him since he did both types of races in the same weekend in like 2000 or 2001. Whatever. I have nothing to say intelligent on this topic. Moving on...
26. I have a headlight out on my Jeep. I am going to try and fix it myself. If you people aren't aware of my lack of mechanical skills, I will be attempting to fix it next Saturday afternoon before the Bama game (still calling it the Bama game). It should be entertaining, I probably could sell tickets to it, and my Jeep, Eleanor, is simply praying that I somehow don't accidentally mess up the transmission or flatten a tire even though i will be nowhere near either. May the force be with me, and I hope I own a screwdriver.
27. To the guy who I sat across the table from watching the Steelers game... Hey, man, thanks for the seat, but he also said my rant was "alright." YOU try writing 30 plus takes and only check Google once or twice. Read the intro. I DON'T CARE. This rant started with an angry me writing after my broken engagement and then morphed into a mostly sports rant. It might just be "alright," but you read it, right? Know that there aren't too many people cruising around who have all of this useless sports knowledge between his ears that aren't on TV. I am like the male, sports version of Rosie Perez in White Men Can't Jump. Remember this, man. Sometimes when you win, you actually lose. Sometimes when you lose, you actually win. Sometimes when you win or lose, you actually tie. And. Sometimes when you tie, you actually win or lose. Sleep on that. Also, I do what I do best. I write rants. You do what you do best, and try and stop guys like me.
28. I like #$*&^#$^ Suh's approach. I admit it. I can't spell his name, and every time I copy and paste, it jacks up the font in my rant. Anyway, he wants a meeting with Goodell. He is being very proactive. He doesn't want to be known as a dirty player, is large enough to kill me with one leg, and I like the fact that he wants to know what he is doing wrong.
29. Of all of the college mascot ESPN commercials I have seen, I think I like the Oregon Ducks one the best. He is typing on a computer, looks out at he ducks in the pond, and sighs. Simple, to the point, and downright funny. An oldie, but still a goodie.
30. Wow. The Northeastern snow REALLY affected a lot of college football games.
31. I am need of a flowchart. A massive one, people. Derek Lowe today was traded to the Indians for a minor league pitcher. I need a flowchart to plot where the hell he has been. Also, while you are at it, could you grab me a birth certificate? Grab one for Case Keenum while you are at it. I would really appreciate it.
32. The Indians were in the news twice today. They released Randy Sizemore. Hey, Phils, do we have any more money? Can we grab him? Read my take on keeping ex's numbers again. Thanks.
33. McNabb has called the way he was treated in Washington as "disrepectful and disgraceful." I actually read the whole article. I just wanted to pass along that I saw nothing in the article about how much he sucked during his time there. Weird.
34. This is a public forum. I am presently dating a chick and we have entered "game playing" mode. Great times. You know. How many days from now should I call, another guy on her side, etc. YOU know. Anyway, I want to send her the link to the OU/ K State game, because I wonder if she knows who she is messing with if we are playing games now. So tired of games. She doesn't read my blog. We are good. If this rant suddenly goes from take 33 to 35, you know why.
35. In his new book, Shaq has said that Kobe personally tore apart the Lakers. I believe him. You might not love the guy, but if Shaq is anything, he is straight up. The guy used to have an aquarium in the back of his car. I trust him and Sir Charles for saying it like it is.
36. I am glad I am not playing against San Diego's PK.
37. Cam Newton is going to give a run at the QB record for passing yards in a season and his record is going to be like 5-11. Weird. Meanwhile, Andy Dalton is regulating. What a find that guy was.
38. I am not ignoring hockey, but we need more games for trends. My thoughts. San Jose is 6-4, but are do for a run in the next 2 weeks. If you are an oddball and bet on hockey, take San Jose and Detroit in a LOT of the next couple weeks' games. Colorado. 7-4? Take the other team in a LOT of the next couple weeks' games. Not legit. Vancouver is 5-5. They will hover. Look for a mid season run from them. They are too talented. Washington has started 7-2. This will continue. They have all the pieces. Boston is 3-7. See? THAT is what happens when you lift the Stanley Cup in the next season. Bad Karma. Ottawa is 7-5. They will also hover, make a mid season run, and are too talented to not be in the mix. AND. FINALLY. We have ONE division that is EXACTLY where it will be at season's end. Shame you can't bet on THIS. Here we go. Pitt, Philly, Rangers, Devils, and Rangers. That will stick. Pitt, Philly, and NYR will be the playoff teams from this division, in that exact order.
39. Well, under 40 takes, and that is it. I would LOVE feedback on naming these ideas something different than takes. Just in case I ever become famous, I would rather not be using Rome's terms. Feel free to respond with ideas. I think I will also be working on a new background next weekend. The View background is the clubhouse leader at this point. SO perfect. Anyway, no Lethal Weapon ending, no Brady Quinn. Let's stick with my Heat theme. "I gotta hold on to my angst. I preserve it because I need it. It keeps me sharp, on the edge, where I gotta be." Peace, people.
Monday, October 31, 2011
Thursday, October 27, 2011
102711-p=mv
Read it, don't read it, I don't care...just need to get some things off my chest.
In no particular order of chronology or importance...
I play. Coach stays. He goes. I go...
1. We were all excited for Oklahoma/ Oklahoma state. Well, at least me and everyone in the state of Oklahoma. Who would have thought that OU was the team that didn't hold up its end of the bargain? Texas Tech. At home? Oklahoma State is now #3 in the BCS poll. Texas Tech. Here you have an offense that will always put up points, a defense that is scarily consistently bad, and they just plug in some oddly named QB in the system every year, lose against teams they should beat, and then pull ONE SINGLE big upset a year. Seth Doege? I am SO glad I am retired from betting, because whatever the spread was, I would have taken OU at home minus the points and lost.
2. More proof that throwing on a field to a receiver in shorts is different from matching up with some of the best athletes in the world. Carson. It could have been storybook, but then the reality of p=mv snuck in the story. I don't think the makers of Hoosiers and Field of Dreams are losing any sleep right now.
3. I KNOW. Let me just get it out of the way. Give me a break. Picking a team out of the top ten to be the national champion? Gutsy. But. Wisconsin is now dead. I had enough concerns about whether their schedule would allow them to leapfrog anyone if all of these teams remain unbeaten, but now? Done and done (it WAS a Hail Mary at the crib of evidently one of the best defenses in the nation that still allowed 31 points-it was close). I am just going back to my rooting for/it's still not THAT much of a reach pick. Bama over Boise or Boise over Bama. OSU will be OU's bitch when that game rolls around. There is NO way Landry and boys are going to let their in-state rival have the road paved to the BCS championship. No way. LSU and Bama will hurt one or the other, even though it will be possible for them to play again. All that being said, I think the table is set for David to play Goliath. Finally.
4. Penn State being 6-1 is like the end of Sixth Sense. You think it was good, not sure how it happened, and kind of need to watch each game again to put together how it happened.
5. I am always straight with you people. I follow college football. I know college football. I was even expecting some directional school to be the answer. But. I admit it. I had to look up where the hell DeMarco Murray went to school. How did THAT guy sneak by me?
6. I saw a commercial last weekend for Derrick Rose and Adidas. 1% of me WANTS the NBA season to be cancelled so I can see all of the other wasted commercials that were made over the summer for certain NBA players. Weird. If the season is cancelled, the commercials will be useless, like lasting a long time with yourself.
7. Live report. Ron Zook and Jim Schwartz are at a strip club RIGHT NOW. Right NOW, people. They are looking at naked chicks trying to figure out how the hell wheels are falling both of their storybook seasons. In case you were wondering, Zook has the tab tonight. He lost to Purdue. Schwartz lost to the Falcons-a little less gloomy story. In a related story, in homage to Matthew Stafford's starting potential/ health coefficient, there is a 50/50 chance that I write a blog on Monday.
8. Interesting. UCONN wins the NCAA Championship. The NCAA finally gets strict on NCAA scholarship rules. UCONN might not be in the '13 Tourney because of these new rules. I guess THIS is what they are talking about "court-smart." I might also have to read these new rules. How are they maybe not eligible for 2013, as opposed to 2012.
9. Cyclical. CYCLICAL. I was just talking about UVA having a good 15 year bad stretch in basketball and football. They get a top 15 recruiting class in basketball, have a proven coach, and are picked as sleepers this year in the ACC. In football, they beat Georgia Tech, Miami whips Georgia Tech, and I am watching UVA winning AT Miami on Thursday football. I hope the drought is over. I need more players in the pro's to irritate my friends by saying "UVA" every time an alumni does anything on the TV.
10. Harbaugh leaves, Luck is one of the prettiest passers in college football, and Stanford is STILL just running over people and beating them in the trenches. Wicked smart, and wicked tough the last couple years. Harbaugh's imprint on that program was more than just a pretty face.
11. I have told you I don't pay too much attention to fantasy football. I pick my players, rarely trade, try to remember to plug in players that are not on a bye week, and see what happens. That being said, after mulling over for a whole 4.5 seconds if I should start Plaxico when Welker was on a bye week and every other WR on my team pretty much sucks, he goes out and lays down my favorite stats of the week. I think he had FOUR receptions, 27 yards, and 3 touchdowns. Perfect. I had a couple gun jokes I was going to lay down here, but we have plenty of time for my dumb jokes...just getting in my groove.
12. If Brett Favre stories come back, can we stop hearing about conference realignment? Air Force to the Big East? That doesn't even make any sense. If we are going to make mega/ super conferences, can we at LEAST try and look at a US map while doing it? West Virginia to the Big 12, Missouri to the SEC (SOUTHEASTERN CONFERENCE!!!!), STOP!!!!! Shit, THIS is how confusing it is. Louisville is being recruited to leave the conference at the same exact time that Pitino is lobbying for Memphis and Temple to join the Big East. Scary thing is this. Pitino has no power or decision making ability in any of this, and HIS idea actually makes the most sense.
13. Rules are rules, but be consistent AND make sense. Troy Polomalu gets fined the same amount as a dirty hit for calling his wife on the sidelines after he took a good lick and to let her know he was OK. Not being a homer, and he should have gone back in the locker room, but it just seem fair. Hey Ocho, see what you have caused with those damn touchdown routines?
14. Everyone sit down. This is mindblowing to say. Seriously, PLEASE sit down. I am going to tell you something you didn't know, didn't assume, and might make you lightheaded. THIS is the reason why we invented microphones. Right here. In a LANDSLIDE victory in the "sky is blue and the grass is green" category, Michael Beasley, just before splitting the atom in his lab at home, has let us know that he accepted improper benefits at Kansas State. Groundbreaking. THANK you, Michael. Thanks for being honest with us and making you sound level headed in any way. Listen to me, my "team" needs younger people on it. We are not even sure if T.O. is going to play this year. We NEED new talent. Michael, LISTEN to me. Right now, I need you to call one of your high school buddies. You guys get some Mad Dog or Jack Daniels, buy some dope, and then go to a strip club, or amusement park, or drive yourself drunk...SOMETHING. Michael, we need you on this team. Hell, call Floyd Mayweather, Marcus Vick, Diego Maradona, and Jennifer Capriati. Yup. I like that team on a "get in trouble" night out.
15. Cyclical is supposed to only come into play for traditional powerhouses. If you are a high school sophomore football player right now and reading this, go to Indiana. Not only is Tom Crean bringing your basketball team back at the perfect pace, but NOW, the #1 QB recruit in the nation is considering Indiana. Indiana football. I didn't look into this story, but 10 to 1 says he is ALSO a pretty good point guard or shooting guard. He wants to be the tiny version of Julius Peppers. Just saying that maybe that football team is gaining a little traction.
16. Sorry. When I mentioned my team, I forgot to report on one of its EXISTING members. T.O. works out and no one shows up. It becomes a big joke. Listen. Do I think it is funny? Yes. Did I think that NOT one showed up? Yes. But. They KNEW it was being taped. They probably knew most people weren't going. THEY didn't want to be the only desperate team attending. He got a little tired. Expected. He looked fit. It really is a shame he is such a nutcase and has yelled at pretty much every QB he has played with, because otherwise someone would definitely pick him up. I give him about a 60-40 chance that someone signs him, and I bet it is not a contender.
17. Fox get the World Cup! I don't care. I don't care what is going on in my life, I have made a pledge to myself. Call it the "kill two birds with one stone" cliche. I have always wanted to go to Brazil. And. I have always promised myself to attend a World Cup. I am going to Brazil in 2014. If I have to hire a nanny by that point in my life, I will. I am going. So, basically, I don't give a shit who televises the next World Cup, because I will be present, dammit.
18. Seinfeld at 11pm has been enough of a shot in the gut to my lifestyle. But. This Big Bang Theory is ridicurous. That is not a mistype. That was a casual Seinfeld reference. It has replaced my Tuesday night Family Guy hours, and now 30 Rock has taken over some Chappelle time. Is Comcast trying to get me to stop watching? At least Channel 3 still has on Hogan's Heroes.
19. Clemens wants the government to pay his attorney fees. Go have some more children whose names start with the letter "K," give back your last couple Cy Youngs, and go play Mr. Potato Head with Barry Bonds, dude.
20. Does anyone else feel like that we will be 20 years older and that Bernard Hopkins will still be fighting? Just saying. What a crazy ending to THAT fight. But. He still won. Dude is going to fighting at age 60 with a Port-A Potty in his corner.
21. Is there a Redskins support group? We have a QB who is not starting anymore guarantee a division title, a RB out for the season, a consistent WR who wrecks SOMEONE's fantasy team every year out 5-7 weeks, and they are losing after the fast start. Good times. Keep remembering how Riggins used to pop through that line, have a stoner spelling bee using Mark Rypien over and over, and curl up into bed, people. It can't be fun being a fan.
22. Speaking of my Hoosiers semi-theme, any college students out there? I KNOW. I do. The power hour thing is fun, but you are always looking for fun modifications. I could tell you about the 21 Beer Club that someone I know invented, and tell you that I still have the video of ME accomplishing it, but let's get back to my point. How about a Hoosiers drinking game? Trust me. It's fun. Drink a shot of beer for every basket made. Sounds easy I know. You don't know. It is perfect though. Plenty of baskets all at once. You will sigh every time there is a Jimmy scene, and big enough breaks between games to have bathroom breaks and reload on beer. A reader of this column and I invented it when we got bored with the Star Wars theme, and it is fun. Let me know how THAT night turns out.
23. When I finish reading my sports mags, is it bad that I read a sports almanac...for fun? Like today, I was perusing NCAA college basketball history for the 500th time. It is huge news when a college player scores more than 30 in a game. Pete Maravich averaged over 44 pts per game for his ENTIRE college career. Sick. It reminds me when it is big news that someone in the NBA gets a triple-double. Then, I remember that the Big O AVERAGED a triple double for an entire NBA season. Once again, sick.
24. Selig might expand replay. Don't do it, man. You are getting to the end of your tenure. I personally think it is a lock that Joe Torre takes over for you. You botched one All-Star Game, and made the horrible rule of the winning All-Star Game team's conference getting home field advantage. Otherwise, it has been pretty much smooth sailing. Put the call for expanding to ONE wildcard in your holster, don't expand replay, don't have more WC teams, keep it at a play in game, and ride into the sunset. You didn't do bad, man.
25. LaRussa admitted to the mistakes, and I respect that, but very odd that his mistakes pretty much had a direct impact on losing Game 5 of the WS. Someone of his amount of years has a lack of communication.
26. Calipari has enough conspiracy theories going around about how he gets like 3 of the top 5 national recruits in the nation the last couple years. Then. There is ONE vote not for UNC for preseason #1 this year. Shady. John. If you paid off ONE voter, couldn't you fork over the cash to have TWO votes? Just saying. Couldn't have been THAT much more, bro. Why are you paying for preseason votes anyway?
27. So let me get this straight. NBA talks. There is NO progress made in talks a couple weeks ago, and it was because of the hard cap. Now, there is progress, but it has been brought out that the only thing they AREN'T talking about is the hard cap. WTF? This is like a game of spades where both players are holding the trump cards, but no one has decided whether they are playing the joker version, the 2 version, etc. Still got a bad feeling how this turns out.
28. It was big news for TV stations that World Series Game 4 topped the Saints/ Colts game. True it was odd. How come I didn't read one thing about the score of that Saints/ Colts game? 62-7? That is like me and my suite mates in college blowing off writing papers to WATCH our suite mates play Tecmo Bowl.
29. LeBron, Melo, and Paul pull out of the tour. In a related story, I think that the world map on my wall MIGHT fall off my wall in about 24.5 weeks.
30. Pat Knight is in trouble for letting 2 recruits talk to his father. Where the hell do you want me to go on this one? This is not a fork in the road. This is a road splitting into like 5 different highways. Chandler, do you want some of this? No? Ok, well, let's just move on. A reader's time is valuable, I have a bedtime, and this World Series game is not over yet.
31. Floyd Landis is still in the news. I really don't care much about this story. He cheated. Point blank. I just want to repeat the line of WHY he is in trouble this time. I personally think it is a pretty cool accusation for a cyclist. Ready? He is in trouble for "spearheading computer hacking on anti-doping computers." I personally think that all charges brought against anyone for the rest of time should start with "spearheading." If I ever become a criminal, your damn right I am going to spearhead something.
32. Peyton is going to get MVP without playing a down, and Caldwell is going to get fired for people finally realizing how badass Peyton made that team. That is simply an enigma wrapped in a riddle hid in a puzzle. I feel bad for Caldwell.
33. Slogans come and go for manufacturers. I want to go buy an Acura. I like their recent slogan. Clever. "Aggression, in it's most elegant form." That is tight.
34. I was looking at my world map again that will fall in 24.5 weeks. It reminded me that Brandon Jacobs will be leaving the Giants after this year. Who cares, dude? What have you done, lately? Go in the forest with no trees, wear those sound proof earphones that Dr. Dre is pushing, cut one down, and then give me a call of the results.
35. Luke Donald can't win a freaking major, but he sure as hell looked good at that near the end of the year Disney tournament. Way to step up, dude. It must really be frustrating to play a sport that being pissed off that you haven't won a major doesn't translate into better play. I hear you Luke. The more pumped you get in golf, the worse you hit it.
36. Bowyer nips Burton at the finish last week. I am sure there were tire traction, left turns, gas amount, transmissions, driver health, pit crews, and round tracks involved, but I am going to go the Forrest Gump route. I am just reporting this in my sports blog, and that is about all I have to say about that.
37. Syracuse ruined WVA's season again. Syracuse hasn't had a tandem since McNabb and Harrison, but for some odd reason, WVA is simply Syracuse's bitch.
38. I am watching the World Series, and getting the feeling that we have an ONSLAUGHT of articles starting tomorrow about where Pujols will end up. Just a gut feeling. No win, he already got one for them, and he is going to ride into the sunset. (POST-GAME EDITING: Wow. They came back and won the thing. Wow)
39. I don't think I have EVER mentioned this before, but Stephen Colbert is pretty much funny as shit. Not only did I have to break up a relationship because the girl thought that he was that ruthless of a Republican and hated bears that much, but he is just fearless on his show. I feel uncomfortable writing what he did on his show last week because it will come out wrong, but trust me, it was funny. He was doing a report on China if you want to track it down.
40. The Ravens went out and upgraded their offense. They brought in big time players and kept training their home grown players. Then. They muster, on national TV, their first first down with 5 minutes left in the third quarter last week. You think I am worried about THOSE guys taking down my Steel? I think not.
41. What do we have left? I am trying to keep these things shorter. Things I am going to miss: Lions' Best out, the Ducks Harris having traffic stop problems, Beanie Wells out 2 weeks, John Lackey having TJ surgery, the Vikings' Cook trying to strangle his woman, the Vikings cutting Berrian, slur charges with England's Terry, USC cutting RB Baxter, Robison's kick to the groin, Gronkowski apologizing for his porn pics, the Ohio State guy being charged with drugs, the fact that K. State is for real, etc.
42. What are we left with? Tebow, NCAA preseason polls, and FBS predictions...
43. Tebow. Let's get this over with. Let's make this a Mad Lib actually. I will do my take and leave it up to you for the ending. It will be fun. I have never seen a crowd suck a coach in like the Broncos fans did. Talk about being and Casino, and driving out to the desert to pre-dig your grave before you get carted out there? Was it storybook? Sure. Was it exciting? Sure. Is it smart? No. Listen. If I hear Elway and Tebow mentioned in ONE more sentence together, I am going to be arrested for some type of Manny Ramirez assault. He is not 6' whatever. He is only AS fast. He has half the arm. He is spiritual, but he is NOT going to win you 10 games as a QB. Not going to happen. It was "cute." It was a breath of fresh air. However, do NOT go this route. It was against MIAMI. They SUCK. I can't believe I am about to say this, but I am rooting for failure for the Broncos MORE than before. I thought Brady Quinn was the backup anyway. AND. Brady goes to my church. And. He has a gun, and the height. Evidently, Tebow, with too many people on the Broncos...___________________(insert my favorite line). It has to do with MINUTES as a clue.
44. Yay. NCAA basketball is SO close. I can't imagine how long these things are going to be when that shit starts up. Anyway, let's take a look at the top teams. Let's do the one line on each team.
-UNC-Those guys ARE smart. They knew the NBA season was in danger.
-UK- another group of young guys all ranked in the top 5 nationally.
-Ohio State-Jared Sullinger is my favorite player ever for staying.
-UConn-not heard of Lamb? you will...trust me
-Syacuse-How can a guy named Fab Melo NOT become a star at some point?
-Duke-Can someone tell me how many Plumlee brothers there are? Basketball farm...
-VANDY-didn't expect this? Watch this team. Tight. Experienced.
-Lousiville-I think Pitino was hired to have them continually top ten. He already HAD the team that should have won it a couple years ago.
-Memphis-Dude can RECRUIT! They just are always young oddly enough...like the poor man's version of Kentucky...or the clean version.
-Florida-Does Donovan purposely recruit undersized guards?
-Baylor-most talent, but evidently I don't think they "hang out." Lack of chemistry.
-Wisconsin-token position for this crew EVERY year-until Mr. Ryan has them overachieve.
-Xavier-I think people just like saying their name. I do.
-Arizona-Would be top 5 with Derrick Williams
-Bama-I think we are in the wrong sporting poll
-Michigan-Rodriguez "system" finally starting to take effect...with the right players.
-A&M-whatever...
45. FBS picks:
-WVA -7 at Rutgers. WVA isn't THAT bad. They just don't play well with the Cuse.
-Kansas+28.5 at Texas. UT will win, but that is a LOT of points.
-Arizona St. -31 against CU. I am convinced. CU is horrible.
-South Carolina -4 at UT. UT is not good. They are also hoping that everything is indeed cyclical.
-OU -14 at K. State. I feel bad for K. State. They might be legit, but they are messing with a very wounded, very badass, pissed off dog.
-Baylor +14.5 at OSU. Gutsy pick. RG3 (I HATE that) will make it close.
46. I am so sorry if you missed this Game 6 World Series matchup. It is still going. 10:31 my time and it is the TOP of the 11th. You better be getting quality shut-eye.
47. That is it, folks. I SO wish there was a picket fence in baseball. NOW I'm done. Peace.
In no particular order of chronology or importance...
I play. Coach stays. He goes. I go...
1. We were all excited for Oklahoma/ Oklahoma state. Well, at least me and everyone in the state of Oklahoma. Who would have thought that OU was the team that didn't hold up its end of the bargain? Texas Tech. At home? Oklahoma State is now #3 in the BCS poll. Texas Tech. Here you have an offense that will always put up points, a defense that is scarily consistently bad, and they just plug in some oddly named QB in the system every year, lose against teams they should beat, and then pull ONE SINGLE big upset a year. Seth Doege? I am SO glad I am retired from betting, because whatever the spread was, I would have taken OU at home minus the points and lost.
2. More proof that throwing on a field to a receiver in shorts is different from matching up with some of the best athletes in the world. Carson. It could have been storybook, but then the reality of p=mv snuck in the story. I don't think the makers of Hoosiers and Field of Dreams are losing any sleep right now.
3. I KNOW. Let me just get it out of the way. Give me a break. Picking a team out of the top ten to be the national champion? Gutsy. But. Wisconsin is now dead. I had enough concerns about whether their schedule would allow them to leapfrog anyone if all of these teams remain unbeaten, but now? Done and done (it WAS a Hail Mary at the crib of evidently one of the best defenses in the nation that still allowed 31 points-it was close). I am just going back to my rooting for/it's still not THAT much of a reach pick. Bama over Boise or Boise over Bama. OSU will be OU's bitch when that game rolls around. There is NO way Landry and boys are going to let their in-state rival have the road paved to the BCS championship. No way. LSU and Bama will hurt one or the other, even though it will be possible for them to play again. All that being said, I think the table is set for David to play Goliath. Finally.
4. Penn State being 6-1 is like the end of Sixth Sense. You think it was good, not sure how it happened, and kind of need to watch each game again to put together how it happened.
5. I am always straight with you people. I follow college football. I know college football. I was even expecting some directional school to be the answer. But. I admit it. I had to look up where the hell DeMarco Murray went to school. How did THAT guy sneak by me?
6. I saw a commercial last weekend for Derrick Rose and Adidas. 1% of me WANTS the NBA season to be cancelled so I can see all of the other wasted commercials that were made over the summer for certain NBA players. Weird. If the season is cancelled, the commercials will be useless, like lasting a long time with yourself.
7. Live report. Ron Zook and Jim Schwartz are at a strip club RIGHT NOW. Right NOW, people. They are looking at naked chicks trying to figure out how the hell wheels are falling both of their storybook seasons. In case you were wondering, Zook has the tab tonight. He lost to Purdue. Schwartz lost to the Falcons-a little less gloomy story. In a related story, in homage to Matthew Stafford's starting potential/ health coefficient, there is a 50/50 chance that I write a blog on Monday.
8. Interesting. UCONN wins the NCAA Championship. The NCAA finally gets strict on NCAA scholarship rules. UCONN might not be in the '13 Tourney because of these new rules. I guess THIS is what they are talking about "court-smart." I might also have to read these new rules. How are they maybe not eligible for 2013, as opposed to 2012.
9. Cyclical. CYCLICAL. I was just talking about UVA having a good 15 year bad stretch in basketball and football. They get a top 15 recruiting class in basketball, have a proven coach, and are picked as sleepers this year in the ACC. In football, they beat Georgia Tech, Miami whips Georgia Tech, and I am watching UVA winning AT Miami on Thursday football. I hope the drought is over. I need more players in the pro's to irritate my friends by saying "UVA" every time an alumni does anything on the TV.
10. Harbaugh leaves, Luck is one of the prettiest passers in college football, and Stanford is STILL just running over people and beating them in the trenches. Wicked smart, and wicked tough the last couple years. Harbaugh's imprint on that program was more than just a pretty face.
11. I have told you I don't pay too much attention to fantasy football. I pick my players, rarely trade, try to remember to plug in players that are not on a bye week, and see what happens. That being said, after mulling over for a whole 4.5 seconds if I should start Plaxico when Welker was on a bye week and every other WR on my team pretty much sucks, he goes out and lays down my favorite stats of the week. I think he had FOUR receptions, 27 yards, and 3 touchdowns. Perfect. I had a couple gun jokes I was going to lay down here, but we have plenty of time for my dumb jokes...just getting in my groove.
12. If Brett Favre stories come back, can we stop hearing about conference realignment? Air Force to the Big East? That doesn't even make any sense. If we are going to make mega/ super conferences, can we at LEAST try and look at a US map while doing it? West Virginia to the Big 12, Missouri to the SEC (SOUTHEASTERN CONFERENCE!!!!), STOP!!!!! Shit, THIS is how confusing it is. Louisville is being recruited to leave the conference at the same exact time that Pitino is lobbying for Memphis and Temple to join the Big East. Scary thing is this. Pitino has no power or decision making ability in any of this, and HIS idea actually makes the most sense.
13. Rules are rules, but be consistent AND make sense. Troy Polomalu gets fined the same amount as a dirty hit for calling his wife on the sidelines after he took a good lick and to let her know he was OK. Not being a homer, and he should have gone back in the locker room, but it just seem fair. Hey Ocho, see what you have caused with those damn touchdown routines?
14. Everyone sit down. This is mindblowing to say. Seriously, PLEASE sit down. I am going to tell you something you didn't know, didn't assume, and might make you lightheaded. THIS is the reason why we invented microphones. Right here. In a LANDSLIDE victory in the "sky is blue and the grass is green" category, Michael Beasley, just before splitting the atom in his lab at home, has let us know that he accepted improper benefits at Kansas State. Groundbreaking. THANK you, Michael. Thanks for being honest with us and making you sound level headed in any way. Listen to me, my "team" needs younger people on it. We are not even sure if T.O. is going to play this year. We NEED new talent. Michael, LISTEN to me. Right now, I need you to call one of your high school buddies. You guys get some Mad Dog or Jack Daniels, buy some dope, and then go to a strip club, or amusement park, or drive yourself drunk...SOMETHING. Michael, we need you on this team. Hell, call Floyd Mayweather, Marcus Vick, Diego Maradona, and Jennifer Capriati. Yup. I like that team on a "get in trouble" night out.
15. Cyclical is supposed to only come into play for traditional powerhouses. If you are a high school sophomore football player right now and reading this, go to Indiana. Not only is Tom Crean bringing your basketball team back at the perfect pace, but NOW, the #1 QB recruit in the nation is considering Indiana. Indiana football. I didn't look into this story, but 10 to 1 says he is ALSO a pretty good point guard or shooting guard. He wants to be the tiny version of Julius Peppers. Just saying that maybe that football team is gaining a little traction.
16. Sorry. When I mentioned my team, I forgot to report on one of its EXISTING members. T.O. works out and no one shows up. It becomes a big joke. Listen. Do I think it is funny? Yes. Did I think that NOT one showed up? Yes. But. They KNEW it was being taped. They probably knew most people weren't going. THEY didn't want to be the only desperate team attending. He got a little tired. Expected. He looked fit. It really is a shame he is such a nutcase and has yelled at pretty much every QB he has played with, because otherwise someone would definitely pick him up. I give him about a 60-40 chance that someone signs him, and I bet it is not a contender.
17. Fox get the World Cup! I don't care. I don't care what is going on in my life, I have made a pledge to myself. Call it the "kill two birds with one stone" cliche. I have always wanted to go to Brazil. And. I have always promised myself to attend a World Cup. I am going to Brazil in 2014. If I have to hire a nanny by that point in my life, I will. I am going. So, basically, I don't give a shit who televises the next World Cup, because I will be present, dammit.
18. Seinfeld at 11pm has been enough of a shot in the gut to my lifestyle. But. This Big Bang Theory is ridicurous. That is not a mistype. That was a casual Seinfeld reference. It has replaced my Tuesday night Family Guy hours, and now 30 Rock has taken over some Chappelle time. Is Comcast trying to get me to stop watching? At least Channel 3 still has on Hogan's Heroes.
19. Clemens wants the government to pay his attorney fees. Go have some more children whose names start with the letter "K," give back your last couple Cy Youngs, and go play Mr. Potato Head with Barry Bonds, dude.
20. Does anyone else feel like that we will be 20 years older and that Bernard Hopkins will still be fighting? Just saying. What a crazy ending to THAT fight. But. He still won. Dude is going to fighting at age 60 with a Port-A Potty in his corner.
21. Is there a Redskins support group? We have a QB who is not starting anymore guarantee a division title, a RB out for the season, a consistent WR who wrecks SOMEONE's fantasy team every year out 5-7 weeks, and they are losing after the fast start. Good times. Keep remembering how Riggins used to pop through that line, have a stoner spelling bee using Mark Rypien over and over, and curl up into bed, people. It can't be fun being a fan.
22. Speaking of my Hoosiers semi-theme, any college students out there? I KNOW. I do. The power hour thing is fun, but you are always looking for fun modifications. I could tell you about the 21 Beer Club that someone I know invented, and tell you that I still have the video of ME accomplishing it, but let's get back to my point. How about a Hoosiers drinking game? Trust me. It's fun. Drink a shot of beer for every basket made. Sounds easy I know. You don't know. It is perfect though. Plenty of baskets all at once. You will sigh every time there is a Jimmy scene, and big enough breaks between games to have bathroom breaks and reload on beer. A reader of this column and I invented it when we got bored with the Star Wars theme, and it is fun. Let me know how THAT night turns out.
23. When I finish reading my sports mags, is it bad that I read a sports almanac...for fun? Like today, I was perusing NCAA college basketball history for the 500th time. It is huge news when a college player scores more than 30 in a game. Pete Maravich averaged over 44 pts per game for his ENTIRE college career. Sick. It reminds me when it is big news that someone in the NBA gets a triple-double. Then, I remember that the Big O AVERAGED a triple double for an entire NBA season. Once again, sick.
24. Selig might expand replay. Don't do it, man. You are getting to the end of your tenure. I personally think it is a lock that Joe Torre takes over for you. You botched one All-Star Game, and made the horrible rule of the winning All-Star Game team's conference getting home field advantage. Otherwise, it has been pretty much smooth sailing. Put the call for expanding to ONE wildcard in your holster, don't expand replay, don't have more WC teams, keep it at a play in game, and ride into the sunset. You didn't do bad, man.
25. LaRussa admitted to the mistakes, and I respect that, but very odd that his mistakes pretty much had a direct impact on losing Game 5 of the WS. Someone of his amount of years has a lack of communication.
26. Calipari has enough conspiracy theories going around about how he gets like 3 of the top 5 national recruits in the nation the last couple years. Then. There is ONE vote not for UNC for preseason #1 this year. Shady. John. If you paid off ONE voter, couldn't you fork over the cash to have TWO votes? Just saying. Couldn't have been THAT much more, bro. Why are you paying for preseason votes anyway?
27. So let me get this straight. NBA talks. There is NO progress made in talks a couple weeks ago, and it was because of the hard cap. Now, there is progress, but it has been brought out that the only thing they AREN'T talking about is the hard cap. WTF? This is like a game of spades where both players are holding the trump cards, but no one has decided whether they are playing the joker version, the 2 version, etc. Still got a bad feeling how this turns out.
28. It was big news for TV stations that World Series Game 4 topped the Saints/ Colts game. True it was odd. How come I didn't read one thing about the score of that Saints/ Colts game? 62-7? That is like me and my suite mates in college blowing off writing papers to WATCH our suite mates play Tecmo Bowl.
29. LeBron, Melo, and Paul pull out of the tour. In a related story, I think that the world map on my wall MIGHT fall off my wall in about 24.5 weeks.
30. Pat Knight is in trouble for letting 2 recruits talk to his father. Where the hell do you want me to go on this one? This is not a fork in the road. This is a road splitting into like 5 different highways. Chandler, do you want some of this? No? Ok, well, let's just move on. A reader's time is valuable, I have a bedtime, and this World Series game is not over yet.
31. Floyd Landis is still in the news. I really don't care much about this story. He cheated. Point blank. I just want to repeat the line of WHY he is in trouble this time. I personally think it is a pretty cool accusation for a cyclist. Ready? He is in trouble for "spearheading computer hacking on anti-doping computers." I personally think that all charges brought against anyone for the rest of time should start with "spearheading." If I ever become a criminal, your damn right I am going to spearhead something.
32. Peyton is going to get MVP without playing a down, and Caldwell is going to get fired for people finally realizing how badass Peyton made that team. That is simply an enigma wrapped in a riddle hid in a puzzle. I feel bad for Caldwell.
33. Slogans come and go for manufacturers. I want to go buy an Acura. I like their recent slogan. Clever. "Aggression, in it's most elegant form." That is tight.
34. I was looking at my world map again that will fall in 24.5 weeks. It reminded me that Brandon Jacobs will be leaving the Giants after this year. Who cares, dude? What have you done, lately? Go in the forest with no trees, wear those sound proof earphones that Dr. Dre is pushing, cut one down, and then give me a call of the results.
35. Luke Donald can't win a freaking major, but he sure as hell looked good at that near the end of the year Disney tournament. Way to step up, dude. It must really be frustrating to play a sport that being pissed off that you haven't won a major doesn't translate into better play. I hear you Luke. The more pumped you get in golf, the worse you hit it.
36. Bowyer nips Burton at the finish last week. I am sure there were tire traction, left turns, gas amount, transmissions, driver health, pit crews, and round tracks involved, but I am going to go the Forrest Gump route. I am just reporting this in my sports blog, and that is about all I have to say about that.
37. Syracuse ruined WVA's season again. Syracuse hasn't had a tandem since McNabb and Harrison, but for some odd reason, WVA is simply Syracuse's bitch.
38. I am watching the World Series, and getting the feeling that we have an ONSLAUGHT of articles starting tomorrow about where Pujols will end up. Just a gut feeling. No win, he already got one for them, and he is going to ride into the sunset. (POST-GAME EDITING: Wow. They came back and won the thing. Wow)
39. I don't think I have EVER mentioned this before, but Stephen Colbert is pretty much funny as shit. Not only did I have to break up a relationship because the girl thought that he was that ruthless of a Republican and hated bears that much, but he is just fearless on his show. I feel uncomfortable writing what he did on his show last week because it will come out wrong, but trust me, it was funny. He was doing a report on China if you want to track it down.
40. The Ravens went out and upgraded their offense. They brought in big time players and kept training their home grown players. Then. They muster, on national TV, their first first down with 5 minutes left in the third quarter last week. You think I am worried about THOSE guys taking down my Steel? I think not.
41. What do we have left? I am trying to keep these things shorter. Things I am going to miss: Lions' Best out, the Ducks Harris having traffic stop problems, Beanie Wells out 2 weeks, John Lackey having TJ surgery, the Vikings' Cook trying to strangle his woman, the Vikings cutting Berrian, slur charges with England's Terry, USC cutting RB Baxter, Robison's kick to the groin, Gronkowski apologizing for his porn pics, the Ohio State guy being charged with drugs, the fact that K. State is for real, etc.
42. What are we left with? Tebow, NCAA preseason polls, and FBS predictions...
43. Tebow. Let's get this over with. Let's make this a Mad Lib actually. I will do my take and leave it up to you for the ending. It will be fun. I have never seen a crowd suck a coach in like the Broncos fans did. Talk about being and Casino, and driving out to the desert to pre-dig your grave before you get carted out there? Was it storybook? Sure. Was it exciting? Sure. Is it smart? No. Listen. If I hear Elway and Tebow mentioned in ONE more sentence together, I am going to be arrested for some type of Manny Ramirez assault. He is not 6' whatever. He is only AS fast. He has half the arm. He is spiritual, but he is NOT going to win you 10 games as a QB. Not going to happen. It was "cute." It was a breath of fresh air. However, do NOT go this route. It was against MIAMI. They SUCK. I can't believe I am about to say this, but I am rooting for failure for the Broncos MORE than before. I thought Brady Quinn was the backup anyway. AND. Brady goes to my church. And. He has a gun, and the height. Evidently, Tebow, with too many people on the Broncos...___________________(insert my favorite line). It has to do with MINUTES as a clue.
44. Yay. NCAA basketball is SO close. I can't imagine how long these things are going to be when that shit starts up. Anyway, let's take a look at the top teams. Let's do the one line on each team.
-UNC-Those guys ARE smart. They knew the NBA season was in danger.
-UK- another group of young guys all ranked in the top 5 nationally.
-Ohio State-Jared Sullinger is my favorite player ever for staying.
-UConn-not heard of Lamb? you will...trust me
-Syacuse-How can a guy named Fab Melo NOT become a star at some point?
-Duke-Can someone tell me how many Plumlee brothers there are? Basketball farm...
-VANDY-didn't expect this? Watch this team. Tight. Experienced.
-Lousiville-I think Pitino was hired to have them continually top ten. He already HAD the team that should have won it a couple years ago.
-Memphis-Dude can RECRUIT! They just are always young oddly enough...like the poor man's version of Kentucky...or the clean version.
-Florida-Does Donovan purposely recruit undersized guards?
-Baylor-most talent, but evidently I don't think they "hang out." Lack of chemistry.
-Wisconsin-token position for this crew EVERY year-until Mr. Ryan has them overachieve.
-Xavier-I think people just like saying their name. I do.
-Arizona-Would be top 5 with Derrick Williams
-Bama-I think we are in the wrong sporting poll
-Michigan-Rodriguez "system" finally starting to take effect...with the right players.
-A&M-whatever...
45. FBS picks:
-WVA -7 at Rutgers. WVA isn't THAT bad. They just don't play well with the Cuse.
-Kansas+28.5 at Texas. UT will win, but that is a LOT of points.
-Arizona St. -31 against CU. I am convinced. CU is horrible.
-South Carolina -4 at UT. UT is not good. They are also hoping that everything is indeed cyclical.
-OU -14 at K. State. I feel bad for K. State. They might be legit, but they are messing with a very wounded, very badass, pissed off dog.
-Baylor +14.5 at OSU. Gutsy pick. RG3 (I HATE that) will make it close.
46. I am so sorry if you missed this Game 6 World Series matchup. It is still going. 10:31 my time and it is the TOP of the 11th. You better be getting quality shut-eye.
47. That is it, folks. I SO wish there was a picket fence in baseball. NOW I'm done. Peace.
Thursday, October 20, 2011
102011-I don't know how you pronounce it, but I believe it's "triple option"?
Read it, don't read it, I don't care...just need to get some things off my chest.
In no particular order of chronology or importance...
Unexcused absences in this blog mean one thing and one thing only...this is probably going to be ONE LONG RANT.
You tell him I'M coming...and hell's coming with me, you hear?
1. Terrell Davis comes to mind as the last one, but I personally can't wait for the debate when Devin Hester is retired and then is eligible for the Hall of Fame. During highlights of his latest record breaking return for a touchdown, I heard a lot of the announcers mentioning that he would be in if it was up to them. I get it. He is perhaps one of the most electrifying athletes of our generation. I am in awe of some of his returns. Some of them are like watching some of those old school Barry Sanders runs. I stop what I am doing when there is a punt return if the game is on in my general area. All that being said, put me as a solid "no" as of right now. He is an average receiver, and an above average corner, and just fortunately a special teams coach nightmare. However, unless he goes on to get about 20 more return touchdowns, I don't think he is one of the best football players of all time. He DOES affect games here and there, sure. I can't see him getting 20 more TD's, as if he gets another 5 or 6, teams are going to stop kicking to him. Really, this time. They swear. I know they all wondered why they were kicking to him the last 5 or 6 returns as it is. Anyway, he lets fans gets their money's worth, but I think we have to draw the line somewhere.
2. The Texas/ Cardinals World Series matchup is going to be a good one. I think this has 7 games written ALL over it. True. Not the biggest markets matchup. True. Both teams have serious flaws. True. Both teams were not really expected to be here. But. They got there together, making the stars align for a good one overall. Unfortunately, a lot of people will tune out because they are not any of the glamour teams, and it is a shame. I think they will be missing an exciting one. Think about these things. Does St. Louis need to win to keep Pujols? He is in a win-win situation. Hold on. Make that win-win-win situation. The third win is that he will get paid royally regardless. Hell, if Ryan Howard is having someone sign his paychecks to flame out the last few years when it counts, what the hell do you pay someone who already was regarded as the best player AND has stepped up to put his team on his back to get to the World Series? If they lose, he can leave and say that he is doing all he can and that he wants to go somewhere that is built for the long haul. If they win, he can either stay and be even more of a city hero than he already is, or walk away with the legendary stand of bringing a another World Series championship before he checked out of the city with perhaps the most passionate fans in America. Texas. If they win, then the Phoenix Suns will bring back Amare and try to win championships with offense. VERY questionable starting pitching. If they lose, they will realize that they got beat by the surprising Giants the year before and then this year they lose without having to lose against the Phils, Yankees, or Red Sox. It's not like those teams are going away. Texas had the loophole and then blew it if they don't come out of here with a win.
3. Why was it news that the Rangers would pursue CC Sabbathia in the offseason? Concentrate, guys. You are not done, yet. Let's, as they say, cross that bridge when you get to it.
4. Does Tom Brady purposely spread out his 4th QTR comebacks to just rejuvenate the legendary talk? Cowboys play not to lose, and Brady makes them pay. Classic drive if you didn't see it. You can use terms like surgeon, methodical, dissecting, etc. Dude. I don't want to see it, but now you just need to win another one to officially ride out of town like Josey Wales on a horse after every movie.
5. I think I am up to about 149 times of saying this, but Cris Collingsworth really irritates me. Maybe it is just the voice. I don't know. I think I miss a lot of the smart things he says because of his voice. There. I admit it. I don't even know if I spelled his first name right, and I am NOT going to check it.
6. I HAVE to give a shout out to my shitty college football team. We don't have a signature win since George Welsh was the coach, but they won this week. Against who? More like against what? EVERYONE is irritated about playing Navy and Georgia Tech when it comes up on their schedule. Changing everything you do normally and preparing for the triple option is just, well, a pain in the ass. So UVA goes out and beats the team that runs over everyone. Strange win. I would get more optimistic, but considering how good the basketball and football teams were when I went there, I won't get my hopes up quite yet. I just hope we get another good QB before Matt Schaub hits retirement age. The thing about UVA is that they used to kind of suck, but still turned out NFL players for me to track and yell "UVA!" during random games. NOT MUCH in the last few years. We need a couple skill position players at that level. Hey, VA Tech, will you stop raiding our recruits? It is not funny anymore.
7. Who the hell sings the MLB playoff song that has been playing? Without proactively trying, I hope to accidentally find out before the end of the series. Something about things being written in the stars, seasons come and go, yada yada yada...I'm on my way. What the hell happened to the small words in the corner of the TV saying who the song is by? Is Fox and TBS TRYING to irritate me? The song is like George. At first, it came across a little irritating. Now, we are in the World Series, and I am singing "co...STANZ a..."
8. Just like I was confused when suddenly college football was suddenly called the FBS, I am equally confused how everything this year is a freaking "bubble screen." Where the hell did this come from? Don't tell me to look it up. I did. I got it. My point is this, there WERE bubble screens, a lot of them, all through the years. How come we suddenly are calling everything one NOW?
9. Speaking of bubble screens and people who have said on record they HATE them, Jon Gruden just signed a new 5 year deal with ESPN. See? There ARE people who read my blog. I just wrote about how although I recognize his football genius, he just SOUNDS like football on MNF, and NOT to leave. Thanks for listening, Jon. Give me a call. We will grab drinks next time you are in town. Hell, bring Dexter Jackson with you. I would like to talk with him also.
10. In my dream world, Mike Gundy would have gotten hired to the NFL last year for the 49ers, and HE would have been involved in that bizarre handshake thing between Harbaugh and Schwartz. Can you imagine? I won't re-quote one of my favorite coach press conference lines (#2. STILL #1- Practice? by far), but it would have been worth the price of admission. Anyway, my take on this whole thing is this. I know they both have their teams firmly in their realm. They are leading two of the most surprising teams in the NFL. I just think this. You, as a coach, are telling your team to keep their cool on the field, don't lose your temper, and to play smart. Well, lead by example. This is not a movie called Hoosiers. They won't let you play with 10 players on the field either. And if this is Hoosiers, are you two BOTH playing Dennis Hopper's part?
11. The BoSox owner has said that he opposed the Carl Crawford pickup. When was the last time that an underachieving player who was out of the playoffs got so much run? No, Manny. I WASN'T talking to you. Congratulations on your not guilty plea this past week. We believe you, dude. What? No, dude. Don't worry, man. You are on my SPECIAL team. I would NEVER diss you. Tell Owens, that changed name Peace/ Metta guy, and Ocho I said hello. No, I am not in the mood for a strip club. Call DeShawn. He is not working yet. Yes, Manny. They are still locked out. Peace.
12. Yay. I love this story. Video games, beer, and off days in the Red Sox clubhouse. I love the TIMING of this story, when they are sitting home after underachieving. Lester went from one of the most courageous comebacks to one of THOSE guys in a heartbeat. Listen guys. The 86' Mets won and they were known as crazy. All good. The '94 Phils got there and only lost because of a guy who owns bowling alleys presently I believe. They were misfits. They weren't supposed to be there. This story probably didn't come out about the Phils, because they were probably drinking between innings WHILE playing. This is 2011. You all blew your huge lead. You all weren't up to snuff. Bottom line is this. Why don't you go watch some hitters' scouting tapes, and lose the beer during the season in the clubhouse. Or, go get yourself a Slumpbuster and call it a day.
13. This just happened as I am writing this. I might as well tell you now in case you miss seeing the highlights. This one will be top 10 for the week though, so you should see it unless you live in a bubble (MOOPS!). Check out the play by Elvis Andrus to Ian Kinsler for an out in the bottom of the 5th in game 2. Awesome.
14. You know how when we prepped for an oral report or speech in grade school, we were told to do it in a mirror, or record yourself? Well, someone whisper those sweet nothings into the ear of Jay Cutler. Dude, are you purposely trying to diss your unlikable image by looking MORE like a punk? Record. Take constructive criticism. Improve. Oh. One more thing, bro. Try not to get caught on camera cussing your OC out. He HAS a ring, Jay. You know. That thing you are supposed to be playing for instead of just for the money. Hey, Jay. I want to sing you a song...Ready? JEEE-ff GEEEOO-rge. JEEEEEE-fff GEEEEOOO-rge....That's all I have written for now, but the guy walking by my window liked it.
15. I never said that I was the brightest bulb on the tree, but King Soopers is offering a needle free flu shot. I am confused. Do you drink it? I am an open book. I COULD look this up and not make myself look slow, but you are reading this, maybe regularly. I just wanted to keep it real and open.
16. OK. So that Jay Z song, 99 Problems that I thought was for Real Steel? It was for a video game-Battlefield 3. It still confuses me how a TV commercial bleeps a cuss word out with the world watching. It reminds of the first time I thought I saw a boob in NYPD Blue in the early 90's.
17. Wheldon dies in a car crash. I am sorry for his family and his whole following. I will be honest with you. I am surprised that it doesn't happen more. Going around 200 MPH in a circle by yourself is dangerous. Going around 200 MPH in a circle with 30 other drivers doing the same thing is just crazy.
18. I think we will see a reduction in this whole "let's pay college athletes" issue. Really. With the way some of these new teams in different conferences are lining up, schools will have enough problems paying the airfare, let alone paying them money in addition. People. "Jetlag" in college football is ONLY supposed to be used in correlation to out of conference games or going to play Hawaii. Speaking of, where the hell is Tommy Chang these days?
19. Norv Turner's comeback on Rex Ryan is my favorite line of the week. Ryan was asked about Turner and said something to the effect that he would already have a few rings over there. Turner responded by busting on those rings that didn't happen as possibly one that Ryan guaranteed and didn't get. Classic. Nice work, Norv. By the way, if you were a Jet for the last few years, wouldn't you feel a little slighted by Ryan's comment? Maybe Santonio should be given the mic. Just kidding. Stop calling out your offensive line or get open sooner. There are a bunch of big dudes in that Jets locker room. You might get one or two good punches in with your fat Super Bowl ring on, but you ain't taking down them all.
20. Wait. Norv Turner's line WASN'T my favorite line. It was actually from Joe Buck. If you hadn't noticed, Viagra is one of the World Series sponsors. You know how when the announcer mentions a sponsor, they say a tag line? Joe Buck, in game 1, announced Viagra, and then there was about 3 seconds of awkward silence. It is like Viagra knew that anything they said would be gray area, and that they should be just happy they are a sponsor.
21. Wait again. My favorite line was not in sports. My car, with whom I have a deep relationship with (her name is Eleanor), has been in the shop all week. After the first day, the shop called me to update me. They, and I quote, said "we can't figure it out." Uhhh. Great. She is still in the shop by the way. A DIFFERENT shop, but still in the shop nevertheless.
22. I have an apartment by the front door. Right by it. A guy in my apartment orders out EVERY night. EVERY single one of them. In case you are curious, he also coincidentally LOOKS like a guy who orders out every single night. I am going to stick to my turkey sandwiches, spaghetti, and Cheerios...with some blocks of cheese in between. Blocks of 2% cheese are my CRAZY nights.
23. Vince Young threw his first Eagles pass this past week. It actually looked like the cornerback thought he was dreaming when the ball came straight to him. It wasn't exactly that Mr. Second String meant when he coined them the Dream Team. I hear those two, Neil O' Donnell, and Larry Brown are all at a strip club as we speak. That was a live report.
24. Article I didn't open. A man was charged with slapping Devon Hester. The only reason Hester is actually pursuing these charges is because he hasn't been touched in his last 4 touchdown returns.
25. Brandon Lloyd has been sent by the Broncos to the Rams for draft picks. In a recent tweet, Lloyd said he was happy, but would miss spending 5 or 20 minutes with Tebow as the starter. Sorry, people. SORRY! It really never gets old for me. EVER. Deal with it.
26. I will change these rankings a million times most likely, but I finished my 80's list. All songs had to dismiss any band who had more than 3 #1 hits. 1990 was legal, as about 5 bands came out with one of their final tries to keep glam rock real in that year. This obviously dismisses such bands as Bon Jovi, Def Leppard, Guns N' Roses, Van Halen, Poison, etc. Anyway, I divided my list into best songs, best hidden gems, and best ballads. My ROUGH draft is as follows. It is ROUGH because I had a busy work week, I cleaned my apartment while compiling the list, and needed to get back to real life after going through every CD and cassette tape I owned. BEST SONGS: Here I Go Again, Rock You Like a Hurricane, We're Not Gonna Take It, 18 and Life, and Still of the Night. BEST HIDDEN GEMS: Eyes of a Stranger (Queensryche), Back on the Streets (John Norum-ex-Europe guitarist), Crying' in the Rain (Whitesnake), Desperately (Slaughter), and House of Broken Love (Great White). BEST BALLADS: Sister Christian, Ballad of Jayne, Heaven, I Remember You, Silent Lucidity. That being said, if this were a cross country running race, Winger made a great showing. They didn't have any in the top 5, but they DOMINATED from 6 on.
27. You should be scared about how many things are not crossed off my list.
28. In case an earthquake occurs, a tidal wave hits, a fall Hurricane comes up the coast, etc., know this. I fully cleaned my apartment last weekend AND am going to a church retreat this weekend. Just saying...Crazy shit.
29. Missouri wanting to go to the SEC is like Johnny wanting to enter the karate tournament the year after Danielson smoked him. Not smart. Hey, AD of Missouri, go get a Bonsai tree and just...chill...
30. Brandon Marshall DID play like a monster on Monday night. I think he was SO excited to do well and then get himself kicked out early that he dropped 3 passes and couldn't keep his balance when he was TD bound with not one soul around him. Nice, bro. Keep it up.
31. I was teased with Fox Sports being blocked occasionally at work. NOW, they have blocked ESPN. SHHH. I still have CNNSI to check the wire, but this is ridiculous. My boss reads this blog, and I know he also thinks this is ridiculous also. He also checks the wire here and there.
32. Michael Vick almost hit a cheerleader kicking a football after a play he was frustrated with. Although we were happy the cheerleader didn't get pegged, we officially saw the stroke and follow through of Vick's action when a dog lost a fight that he bet on.
33. What? He still deserves that joke. Come on. Take it easy. It is still legal. You are reading the WRONG blog if you think that that joke was over the top.
34. Hold the phone. Stop what you are doing. Terrell Owens has announced officially that he is READY. Take a deep breath. I know that this is huge news. Moving on...
35. People. The grass is green, the sky is blue, and it has just been made public that Dwight Gooden missed the '86 Mets championship parade because he was on drugs. That would be like my ex-fiancee calling me and alerting me that she was sleeping with her best friend's brother when we were engaged. Duhh...Tell me something I DON'T know.
36. In my horrible joke of the week, the Minnesota Vikings have announced a QB change. They told the media that they would have announced it earlier, but they needed a few days to ponder the decision. He He He.
37. I love how the same day that the NBA announces that talks are still stalled, the NBA stars announce that they plan a 6 game exhibition tour. Sounds like they are really losing sleep over this thing. Word is that Kobe was just glad he made ESPN's top 10 best players, so that maybe he can make one of the starting 5's. LeBron was #1 in this list. I am not saying it will happen, because I truly believe he is too good to be denied. However, if LeBron does go championship-less for his career, he will make Dan Marino look like a hero. Everyone also settle down about Kobe being #7. I think that is about right personally. You can be on the other side of your prime, be #7 in the league, and still know you are one of the best ever. It's all good. It is a shame LeBron doesn't have MJ's or Kobe's fire, and it is a shame that these idiots think Dwight Howard is #2, but I am ok with everything in there overall. With Howard, we are talking about basketball TALENT on this list, not people who happen to have the perfect body for a basketball big man. Fix it.
38. Hold on. I have another bad joke. This one might be worse than the other one. Washington has announced they will start John Beck at QB this week. When asked about what he thought of his promotion, John replied," Man? I am on a MISSION!" He He He.
39. St. Pierre is going to miss UFC 137. Damn. There goes one of the 2-3 guys I even recognize who they are that are out of it.
40. Did you see that Indiana punter punt it parallel to the ground, nit a Wisconsin player, bounce straight in the air, and then was caught by a Wisconsin player? People. Once again. They are winning it all. My call since early August. They are already good, but if the ball bounces their way too? Look out.
41. USC AD Pat Haden has brought to our attention that players in this rivalry don't treasure it as much as the old days. Uhhh. THANKS, Einstein. Too bad the atom already has been split. You missed out. YOU are talking about a time when the winner of that game for THREE straight years won the overall championship. WE are watching one team that can't recruit legally and another which has pretty much sucked over the last ten years but still is always on national TV. Thanks. If that damn millionaire show was on, and I was on it, I would use you as my "friend" call or whatever the hell they called that thing. Lifeline? Whatever.
42. I know it is a rite of passage when we conjure up possibilities of undefeated teams going the whole way. I get it. The Packers ARE good. I am not THAT bitter about last year. OK. I AM. But. I will not let that cloud that judgement. I say 15-1 tops. I looked at the schedule. Says here that the Pack will drop either the @ SD game or @ NYG game. One is a dangerous team. One is a tough place to play against someone who already HAS a ring. Book it.
43. Dwight Howard is deciding whether to stay or go in Orlando. You know the guy plays in a town that doesn't care when it has rubbed off on the rest of the nation that we don't care either. It is like missing work because you are a Florida Marlins fan. Tree in the forest, yada yada yada...Come on. The joke is there. See the joke. BE the joke. Sorry, I just watched Caddyshack this weekend in between listening to Trixter and Danger Danger and making my list.
44. I personally think that they made a BUNCH of Brian Wilson commercials, were planning on releasing them in the playoffs, and then the Giants didn't make it, and they had to release them anyway. I LOVE Wilson, but it just seems a a little late media strategy.
45. Carson Palmer goes to the Raiders. Damn, I want to fly to Oakland and watch one of their practices. TWO 1st rounders (conditional)? That is a LOT. Either Kyle Boller must REALLY suck or Terrelle scored a zero on the Wonderlic. Do they still take a Wonderlic for the supplemental draft? Anyway, I think it is a good fit. The bad news is that we don't know if he can still get back to top form. The good news is that we don't know if he can still get back to top form. His practice partner was Houshmandzadeh. I wonder. Package deal at some point? And why the hell don't those little ESPN Spelling Bee kids have to spell HIS name.
46. Nolan Ryan says Texas in 6. Who is going to argue with that guy? Nice safe pick, not picking an overwhelming victory, not a guarantee, and we all still have vivid memories of Robin Ventura rushing the mound.
47. I am not ignoring hockey in this rant. I am just waiting for it to develop some patterns so I can start judging teams. Too early. It is like batters batting .600 in mid April.
48. Is Andrew Luck in witness protection? Do they even KNOW his name on the east coast? I don't remember a year when a guy will have to throw 4 interceptions in a game to be out of the conversation. He is like the glitzy college version of 2001 Trent Dilfer. Ok. That was a stretch. It doesn't matter. When it is all said and done, I think Trent Richardson or Kellen Moore take the Heisman....maybe Russell Wilson. Michigan State could personally be the Heisman killers. They ruined Denard Robinson last week. He is out. Now they have a shot at ruining Wilson's Cinderella's season. Don't think it will happen, though. And. I think RG3 had to come close to running the table to do it. Sorry, dude. That early loss kills you.
49. Bozella won is comeback fight at 52 years old. I didn't see that coming at all. I don't know much about your opponent, but still. Dibs.
50. UCLA is losing 42-7 with 14 minutes left in the THIRD quarter to Arizona. You have an interim coach beating the shit out of an "offensive genius." Hey, Rick, they have good carpenters at ESPN. They can easily make those Gameday tables larger, so get ready to make yourself at home. Call George Costanza's carpenter. He can put a nap area under the table. Just don't ask me to call in a bomb threat. I am not down with that. Interesting fact. I just learned that Arizona hasn't had a QB drafted in the NFL for like 37 years. Crazy. That, of course, changes this year with Nick Foles, but that is still a long time. Tell your friends.
51. Foster parents leave their son at a Browns game. If this was take 15, I might have time to go off on this one. Too Many Jokes. This is take 51. I will just report the idiocy. I hear that after the incident that the boy was feeling very blue though.
52. Proof that there are bigger things in life besides sports. Jerry West has come forward about his depression. The guy is literally...LITERALLY...the face of the NBA, and he is sad. Man, get better, Jerry. As a basketball player growing up, I have only love for you AND your game.
53. Will Smith is a minority owner for the 76ers now. His parents were against the purchase. He told them that they just don't understand. Wow, this rant is on a horrible joke ROLL...
54. Jay Cutler is going to end up being Jeff George, and Jason Campbell is going to end up being Dave Krieg.
55. Sean Payton breaks his leg when his TE rolls onto him. No joke here. That was just CRAZY though.
56. South Carolina is Mel Rose Place. SOMETHING is ALWAYS happening with their football program. Garcia, and now Lattimore. It stinks for them. They lose a game they shouldn't have lost because they were starting a headcase, and then they lose a class act running back who was going to have an incredible season. Steve Spurrier must be watching Groundhog Day right now. They can't win anything big this year with a change of QB AND losing their star RB, but you better believe they will be preseason top 10 once again next year. AGAIN. NEXT year is the year.
57. I could keep going, but I have to pack. FOR MY CHURCH RETREAT. Crazy. If you would have told me two months ago that I would be missing the prime time college football game to be baptized again, I would have told you told you to go sleep with Roseanne Barr. Anyway. I have to pack a suitcase. My car better be fixed by tomorrow, because my retreat is scheduled perfectly so that I get back for the Steelers on Sunday, and I can't rely on someone wanting to get out of there on time on Sunday.
58. Anyway. Monday will be the next one assuming work doesn't interlude. If you don't think I'm done, "I have two guns...one for each of ya." Peace.
In no particular order of chronology or importance...
Unexcused absences in this blog mean one thing and one thing only...this is probably going to be ONE LONG RANT.
You tell him I'M coming...and hell's coming with me, you hear?
1. Terrell Davis comes to mind as the last one, but I personally can't wait for the debate when Devin Hester is retired and then is eligible for the Hall of Fame. During highlights of his latest record breaking return for a touchdown, I heard a lot of the announcers mentioning that he would be in if it was up to them. I get it. He is perhaps one of the most electrifying athletes of our generation. I am in awe of some of his returns. Some of them are like watching some of those old school Barry Sanders runs. I stop what I am doing when there is a punt return if the game is on in my general area. All that being said, put me as a solid "no" as of right now. He is an average receiver, and an above average corner, and just fortunately a special teams coach nightmare. However, unless he goes on to get about 20 more return touchdowns, I don't think he is one of the best football players of all time. He DOES affect games here and there, sure. I can't see him getting 20 more TD's, as if he gets another 5 or 6, teams are going to stop kicking to him. Really, this time. They swear. I know they all wondered why they were kicking to him the last 5 or 6 returns as it is. Anyway, he lets fans gets their money's worth, but I think we have to draw the line somewhere.
2. The Texas/ Cardinals World Series matchup is going to be a good one. I think this has 7 games written ALL over it. True. Not the biggest markets matchup. True. Both teams have serious flaws. True. Both teams were not really expected to be here. But. They got there together, making the stars align for a good one overall. Unfortunately, a lot of people will tune out because they are not any of the glamour teams, and it is a shame. I think they will be missing an exciting one. Think about these things. Does St. Louis need to win to keep Pujols? He is in a win-win situation. Hold on. Make that win-win-win situation. The third win is that he will get paid royally regardless. Hell, if Ryan Howard is having someone sign his paychecks to flame out the last few years when it counts, what the hell do you pay someone who already was regarded as the best player AND has stepped up to put his team on his back to get to the World Series? If they lose, he can leave and say that he is doing all he can and that he wants to go somewhere that is built for the long haul. If they win, he can either stay and be even more of a city hero than he already is, or walk away with the legendary stand of bringing a another World Series championship before he checked out of the city with perhaps the most passionate fans in America. Texas. If they win, then the Phoenix Suns will bring back Amare and try to win championships with offense. VERY questionable starting pitching. If they lose, they will realize that they got beat by the surprising Giants the year before and then this year they lose without having to lose against the Phils, Yankees, or Red Sox. It's not like those teams are going away. Texas had the loophole and then blew it if they don't come out of here with a win.
3. Why was it news that the Rangers would pursue CC Sabbathia in the offseason? Concentrate, guys. You are not done, yet. Let's, as they say, cross that bridge when you get to it.
4. Does Tom Brady purposely spread out his 4th QTR comebacks to just rejuvenate the legendary talk? Cowboys play not to lose, and Brady makes them pay. Classic drive if you didn't see it. You can use terms like surgeon, methodical, dissecting, etc. Dude. I don't want to see it, but now you just need to win another one to officially ride out of town like Josey Wales on a horse after every movie.
5. I think I am up to about 149 times of saying this, but Cris Collingsworth really irritates me. Maybe it is just the voice. I don't know. I think I miss a lot of the smart things he says because of his voice. There. I admit it. I don't even know if I spelled his first name right, and I am NOT going to check it.
6. I HAVE to give a shout out to my shitty college football team. We don't have a signature win since George Welsh was the coach, but they won this week. Against who? More like against what? EVERYONE is irritated about playing Navy and Georgia Tech when it comes up on their schedule. Changing everything you do normally and preparing for the triple option is just, well, a pain in the ass. So UVA goes out and beats the team that runs over everyone. Strange win. I would get more optimistic, but considering how good the basketball and football teams were when I went there, I won't get my hopes up quite yet. I just hope we get another good QB before Matt Schaub hits retirement age. The thing about UVA is that they used to kind of suck, but still turned out NFL players for me to track and yell "UVA!" during random games. NOT MUCH in the last few years. We need a couple skill position players at that level. Hey, VA Tech, will you stop raiding our recruits? It is not funny anymore.
7. Who the hell sings the MLB playoff song that has been playing? Without proactively trying, I hope to accidentally find out before the end of the series. Something about things being written in the stars, seasons come and go, yada yada yada...I'm on my way. What the hell happened to the small words in the corner of the TV saying who the song is by? Is Fox and TBS TRYING to irritate me? The song is like George. At first, it came across a little irritating. Now, we are in the World Series, and I am singing "co...STANZ a..."
8. Just like I was confused when suddenly college football was suddenly called the FBS, I am equally confused how everything this year is a freaking "bubble screen." Where the hell did this come from? Don't tell me to look it up. I did. I got it. My point is this, there WERE bubble screens, a lot of them, all through the years. How come we suddenly are calling everything one NOW?
9. Speaking of bubble screens and people who have said on record they HATE them, Jon Gruden just signed a new 5 year deal with ESPN. See? There ARE people who read my blog. I just wrote about how although I recognize his football genius, he just SOUNDS like football on MNF, and NOT to leave. Thanks for listening, Jon. Give me a call. We will grab drinks next time you are in town. Hell, bring Dexter Jackson with you. I would like to talk with him also.
10. In my dream world, Mike Gundy would have gotten hired to the NFL last year for the 49ers, and HE would have been involved in that bizarre handshake thing between Harbaugh and Schwartz. Can you imagine? I won't re-quote one of my favorite coach press conference lines (#2. STILL #1- Practice? by far), but it would have been worth the price of admission. Anyway, my take on this whole thing is this. I know they both have their teams firmly in their realm. They are leading two of the most surprising teams in the NFL. I just think this. You, as a coach, are telling your team to keep their cool on the field, don't lose your temper, and to play smart. Well, lead by example. This is not a movie called Hoosiers. They won't let you play with 10 players on the field either. And if this is Hoosiers, are you two BOTH playing Dennis Hopper's part?
11. The BoSox owner has said that he opposed the Carl Crawford pickup. When was the last time that an underachieving player who was out of the playoffs got so much run? No, Manny. I WASN'T talking to you. Congratulations on your not guilty plea this past week. We believe you, dude. What? No, dude. Don't worry, man. You are on my SPECIAL team. I would NEVER diss you. Tell Owens, that changed name Peace/ Metta guy, and Ocho I said hello. No, I am not in the mood for a strip club. Call DeShawn. He is not working yet. Yes, Manny. They are still locked out. Peace.
12. Yay. I love this story. Video games, beer, and off days in the Red Sox clubhouse. I love the TIMING of this story, when they are sitting home after underachieving. Lester went from one of the most courageous comebacks to one of THOSE guys in a heartbeat. Listen guys. The 86' Mets won and they were known as crazy. All good. The '94 Phils got there and only lost because of a guy who owns bowling alleys presently I believe. They were misfits. They weren't supposed to be there. This story probably didn't come out about the Phils, because they were probably drinking between innings WHILE playing. This is 2011. You all blew your huge lead. You all weren't up to snuff. Bottom line is this. Why don't you go watch some hitters' scouting tapes, and lose the beer during the season in the clubhouse. Or, go get yourself a Slumpbuster and call it a day.
13. This just happened as I am writing this. I might as well tell you now in case you miss seeing the highlights. This one will be top 10 for the week though, so you should see it unless you live in a bubble (MOOPS!). Check out the play by Elvis Andrus to Ian Kinsler for an out in the bottom of the 5th in game 2. Awesome.
14. You know how when we prepped for an oral report or speech in grade school, we were told to do it in a mirror, or record yourself? Well, someone whisper those sweet nothings into the ear of Jay Cutler. Dude, are you purposely trying to diss your unlikable image by looking MORE like a punk? Record. Take constructive criticism. Improve. Oh. One more thing, bro. Try not to get caught on camera cussing your OC out. He HAS a ring, Jay. You know. That thing you are supposed to be playing for instead of just for the money. Hey, Jay. I want to sing you a song...Ready? JEEE-ff GEEEOO-rge. JEEEEEE-fff GEEEEOOO-rge....That's all I have written for now, but the guy walking by my window liked it.
15. I never said that I was the brightest bulb on the tree, but King Soopers is offering a needle free flu shot. I am confused. Do you drink it? I am an open book. I COULD look this up and not make myself look slow, but you are reading this, maybe regularly. I just wanted to keep it real and open.
16. OK. So that Jay Z song, 99 Problems that I thought was for Real Steel? It was for a video game-Battlefield 3. It still confuses me how a TV commercial bleeps a cuss word out with the world watching. It reminds of the first time I thought I saw a boob in NYPD Blue in the early 90's.
17. Wheldon dies in a car crash. I am sorry for his family and his whole following. I will be honest with you. I am surprised that it doesn't happen more. Going around 200 MPH in a circle by yourself is dangerous. Going around 200 MPH in a circle with 30 other drivers doing the same thing is just crazy.
18. I think we will see a reduction in this whole "let's pay college athletes" issue. Really. With the way some of these new teams in different conferences are lining up, schools will have enough problems paying the airfare, let alone paying them money in addition. People. "Jetlag" in college football is ONLY supposed to be used in correlation to out of conference games or going to play Hawaii. Speaking of, where the hell is Tommy Chang these days?
19. Norv Turner's comeback on Rex Ryan is my favorite line of the week. Ryan was asked about Turner and said something to the effect that he would already have a few rings over there. Turner responded by busting on those rings that didn't happen as possibly one that Ryan guaranteed and didn't get. Classic. Nice work, Norv. By the way, if you were a Jet for the last few years, wouldn't you feel a little slighted by Ryan's comment? Maybe Santonio should be given the mic. Just kidding. Stop calling out your offensive line or get open sooner. There are a bunch of big dudes in that Jets locker room. You might get one or two good punches in with your fat Super Bowl ring on, but you ain't taking down them all.
20. Wait. Norv Turner's line WASN'T my favorite line. It was actually from Joe Buck. If you hadn't noticed, Viagra is one of the World Series sponsors. You know how when the announcer mentions a sponsor, they say a tag line? Joe Buck, in game 1, announced Viagra, and then there was about 3 seconds of awkward silence. It is like Viagra knew that anything they said would be gray area, and that they should be just happy they are a sponsor.
21. Wait again. My favorite line was not in sports. My car, with whom I have a deep relationship with (her name is Eleanor), has been in the shop all week. After the first day, the shop called me to update me. They, and I quote, said "we can't figure it out." Uhhh. Great. She is still in the shop by the way. A DIFFERENT shop, but still in the shop nevertheless.
22. I have an apartment by the front door. Right by it. A guy in my apartment orders out EVERY night. EVERY single one of them. In case you are curious, he also coincidentally LOOKS like a guy who orders out every single night. I am going to stick to my turkey sandwiches, spaghetti, and Cheerios...with some blocks of cheese in between. Blocks of 2% cheese are my CRAZY nights.
23. Vince Young threw his first Eagles pass this past week. It actually looked like the cornerback thought he was dreaming when the ball came straight to him. It wasn't exactly that Mr. Second String meant when he coined them the Dream Team. I hear those two, Neil O' Donnell, and Larry Brown are all at a strip club as we speak. That was a live report.
24. Article I didn't open. A man was charged with slapping Devon Hester. The only reason Hester is actually pursuing these charges is because he hasn't been touched in his last 4 touchdown returns.
25. Brandon Lloyd has been sent by the Broncos to the Rams for draft picks. In a recent tweet, Lloyd said he was happy, but would miss spending 5 or 20 minutes with Tebow as the starter. Sorry, people. SORRY! It really never gets old for me. EVER. Deal with it.
26. I will change these rankings a million times most likely, but I finished my 80's list. All songs had to dismiss any band who had more than 3 #1 hits. 1990 was legal, as about 5 bands came out with one of their final tries to keep glam rock real in that year. This obviously dismisses such bands as Bon Jovi, Def Leppard, Guns N' Roses, Van Halen, Poison, etc. Anyway, I divided my list into best songs, best hidden gems, and best ballads. My ROUGH draft is as follows. It is ROUGH because I had a busy work week, I cleaned my apartment while compiling the list, and needed to get back to real life after going through every CD and cassette tape I owned. BEST SONGS: Here I Go Again, Rock You Like a Hurricane, We're Not Gonna Take It, 18 and Life, and Still of the Night. BEST HIDDEN GEMS: Eyes of a Stranger (Queensryche), Back on the Streets (John Norum-ex-Europe guitarist), Crying' in the Rain (Whitesnake), Desperately (Slaughter), and House of Broken Love (Great White). BEST BALLADS: Sister Christian, Ballad of Jayne, Heaven, I Remember You, Silent Lucidity. That being said, if this were a cross country running race, Winger made a great showing. They didn't have any in the top 5, but they DOMINATED from 6 on.
27. You should be scared about how many things are not crossed off my list.
28. In case an earthquake occurs, a tidal wave hits, a fall Hurricane comes up the coast, etc., know this. I fully cleaned my apartment last weekend AND am going to a church retreat this weekend. Just saying...Crazy shit.
29. Missouri wanting to go to the SEC is like Johnny wanting to enter the karate tournament the year after Danielson smoked him. Not smart. Hey, AD of Missouri, go get a Bonsai tree and just...chill...
30. Brandon Marshall DID play like a monster on Monday night. I think he was SO excited to do well and then get himself kicked out early that he dropped 3 passes and couldn't keep his balance when he was TD bound with not one soul around him. Nice, bro. Keep it up.
31. I was teased with Fox Sports being blocked occasionally at work. NOW, they have blocked ESPN. SHHH. I still have CNNSI to check the wire, but this is ridiculous. My boss reads this blog, and I know he also thinks this is ridiculous also. He also checks the wire here and there.
32. Michael Vick almost hit a cheerleader kicking a football after a play he was frustrated with. Although we were happy the cheerleader didn't get pegged, we officially saw the stroke and follow through of Vick's action when a dog lost a fight that he bet on.
33. What? He still deserves that joke. Come on. Take it easy. It is still legal. You are reading the WRONG blog if you think that that joke was over the top.
34. Hold the phone. Stop what you are doing. Terrell Owens has announced officially that he is READY. Take a deep breath. I know that this is huge news. Moving on...
35. People. The grass is green, the sky is blue, and it has just been made public that Dwight Gooden missed the '86 Mets championship parade because he was on drugs. That would be like my ex-fiancee calling me and alerting me that she was sleeping with her best friend's brother when we were engaged. Duhh...Tell me something I DON'T know.
36. In my horrible joke of the week, the Minnesota Vikings have announced a QB change. They told the media that they would have announced it earlier, but they needed a few days to ponder the decision. He He He.
37. I love how the same day that the NBA announces that talks are still stalled, the NBA stars announce that they plan a 6 game exhibition tour. Sounds like they are really losing sleep over this thing. Word is that Kobe was just glad he made ESPN's top 10 best players, so that maybe he can make one of the starting 5's. LeBron was #1 in this list. I am not saying it will happen, because I truly believe he is too good to be denied. However, if LeBron does go championship-less for his career, he will make Dan Marino look like a hero. Everyone also settle down about Kobe being #7. I think that is about right personally. You can be on the other side of your prime, be #7 in the league, and still know you are one of the best ever. It's all good. It is a shame LeBron doesn't have MJ's or Kobe's fire, and it is a shame that these idiots think Dwight Howard is #2, but I am ok with everything in there overall. With Howard, we are talking about basketball TALENT on this list, not people who happen to have the perfect body for a basketball big man. Fix it.
38. Hold on. I have another bad joke. This one might be worse than the other one. Washington has announced they will start John Beck at QB this week. When asked about what he thought of his promotion, John replied," Man? I am on a MISSION!" He He He.
39. St. Pierre is going to miss UFC 137. Damn. There goes one of the 2-3 guys I even recognize who they are that are out of it.
40. Did you see that Indiana punter punt it parallel to the ground, nit a Wisconsin player, bounce straight in the air, and then was caught by a Wisconsin player? People. Once again. They are winning it all. My call since early August. They are already good, but if the ball bounces their way too? Look out.
41. USC AD Pat Haden has brought to our attention that players in this rivalry don't treasure it as much as the old days. Uhhh. THANKS, Einstein. Too bad the atom already has been split. You missed out. YOU are talking about a time when the winner of that game for THREE straight years won the overall championship. WE are watching one team that can't recruit legally and another which has pretty much sucked over the last ten years but still is always on national TV. Thanks. If that damn millionaire show was on, and I was on it, I would use you as my "friend" call or whatever the hell they called that thing. Lifeline? Whatever.
42. I know it is a rite of passage when we conjure up possibilities of undefeated teams going the whole way. I get it. The Packers ARE good. I am not THAT bitter about last year. OK. I AM. But. I will not let that cloud that judgement. I say 15-1 tops. I looked at the schedule. Says here that the Pack will drop either the @ SD game or @ NYG game. One is a dangerous team. One is a tough place to play against someone who already HAS a ring. Book it.
43. Dwight Howard is deciding whether to stay or go in Orlando. You know the guy plays in a town that doesn't care when it has rubbed off on the rest of the nation that we don't care either. It is like missing work because you are a Florida Marlins fan. Tree in the forest, yada yada yada...Come on. The joke is there. See the joke. BE the joke. Sorry, I just watched Caddyshack this weekend in between listening to Trixter and Danger Danger and making my list.
44. I personally think that they made a BUNCH of Brian Wilson commercials, were planning on releasing them in the playoffs, and then the Giants didn't make it, and they had to release them anyway. I LOVE Wilson, but it just seems a a little late media strategy.
45. Carson Palmer goes to the Raiders. Damn, I want to fly to Oakland and watch one of their practices. TWO 1st rounders (conditional)? That is a LOT. Either Kyle Boller must REALLY suck or Terrelle scored a zero on the Wonderlic. Do they still take a Wonderlic for the supplemental draft? Anyway, I think it is a good fit. The bad news is that we don't know if he can still get back to top form. The good news is that we don't know if he can still get back to top form. His practice partner was Houshmandzadeh. I wonder. Package deal at some point? And why the hell don't those little ESPN Spelling Bee kids have to spell HIS name.
46. Nolan Ryan says Texas in 6. Who is going to argue with that guy? Nice safe pick, not picking an overwhelming victory, not a guarantee, and we all still have vivid memories of Robin Ventura rushing the mound.
47. I am not ignoring hockey in this rant. I am just waiting for it to develop some patterns so I can start judging teams. Too early. It is like batters batting .600 in mid April.
48. Is Andrew Luck in witness protection? Do they even KNOW his name on the east coast? I don't remember a year when a guy will have to throw 4 interceptions in a game to be out of the conversation. He is like the glitzy college version of 2001 Trent Dilfer. Ok. That was a stretch. It doesn't matter. When it is all said and done, I think Trent Richardson or Kellen Moore take the Heisman....maybe Russell Wilson. Michigan State could personally be the Heisman killers. They ruined Denard Robinson last week. He is out. Now they have a shot at ruining Wilson's Cinderella's season. Don't think it will happen, though. And. I think RG3 had to come close to running the table to do it. Sorry, dude. That early loss kills you.
49. Bozella won is comeback fight at 52 years old. I didn't see that coming at all. I don't know much about your opponent, but still. Dibs.
50. UCLA is losing 42-7 with 14 minutes left in the THIRD quarter to Arizona. You have an interim coach beating the shit out of an "offensive genius." Hey, Rick, they have good carpenters at ESPN. They can easily make those Gameday tables larger, so get ready to make yourself at home. Call George Costanza's carpenter. He can put a nap area under the table. Just don't ask me to call in a bomb threat. I am not down with that. Interesting fact. I just learned that Arizona hasn't had a QB drafted in the NFL for like 37 years. Crazy. That, of course, changes this year with Nick Foles, but that is still a long time. Tell your friends.
51. Foster parents leave their son at a Browns game. If this was take 15, I might have time to go off on this one. Too Many Jokes. This is take 51. I will just report the idiocy. I hear that after the incident that the boy was feeling very blue though.
52. Proof that there are bigger things in life besides sports. Jerry West has come forward about his depression. The guy is literally...LITERALLY...the face of the NBA, and he is sad. Man, get better, Jerry. As a basketball player growing up, I have only love for you AND your game.
53. Will Smith is a minority owner for the 76ers now. His parents were against the purchase. He told them that they just don't understand. Wow, this rant is on a horrible joke ROLL...
54. Jay Cutler is going to end up being Jeff George, and Jason Campbell is going to end up being Dave Krieg.
55. Sean Payton breaks his leg when his TE rolls onto him. No joke here. That was just CRAZY though.
56. South Carolina is Mel Rose Place. SOMETHING is ALWAYS happening with their football program. Garcia, and now Lattimore. It stinks for them. They lose a game they shouldn't have lost because they were starting a headcase, and then they lose a class act running back who was going to have an incredible season. Steve Spurrier must be watching Groundhog Day right now. They can't win anything big this year with a change of QB AND losing their star RB, but you better believe they will be preseason top 10 once again next year. AGAIN. NEXT year is the year.
57. I could keep going, but I have to pack. FOR MY CHURCH RETREAT. Crazy. If you would have told me two months ago that I would be missing the prime time college football game to be baptized again, I would have told you told you to go sleep with Roseanne Barr. Anyway. I have to pack a suitcase. My car better be fixed by tomorrow, because my retreat is scheduled perfectly so that I get back for the Steelers on Sunday, and I can't rely on someone wanting to get out of there on time on Sunday.
58. Anyway. Monday will be the next one assuming work doesn't interlude. If you don't think I'm done, "I have two guns...one for each of ya." Peace.
Friday, October 14, 2011
101311-Early Dokken
Read it, don't read it, I don't care...just need to get some things off my chest.
In no particular order of chronology or importance...
At my signal, unleash hell...
1) Changing high profile jobs is a subject that I will not pretend to know. All this stuff is going around about why Theo Epstein "left" the Red Sox. Who cares? Good for him. Even though the Cubs are not as big as spenders (I would LOVE to be a fly on THAT wall the day that Epstein goes in to the owner and tells him who he wants to pick up, and they say..."sorry, Theo, that is all we are going to spend." Theo will run out and watch Moneyball like an up-and-coming boxer goes to watch Rocky), they are STILL a high profile team in a large market with a diehard fan base. Now. Think about THIS. IF. I stress IF, because I look up and down the lineup and don't see it happening soon. IF, Theo pulls some kind of miracle over there in Chi-town, what is his legacy? He would have stopped pretty much the two most well known curses in the history of sports. He got the Red Sox fans TWO World Series. Don't you be saying "don't let the door hit you in the ass," Red Sox fans. He did you right. If he pulls similar stuff over in Chicago, he will literally be legendary.
2. Garcia is gone from the Gamecocks. Dude has pulled an entire Terrell Owens career and compressed it into a small college career. Talk about someone who will be kicking himself in a few years, if he hasn't already gone drinking with Marcus Vick and Lawrence Phillips. Funny thing is this. The Gamecocks have had great recruiting classes for about 10 years. The last three years? Could have been contenders. It is a shame Spurrier didn't draw the line before they lost that game this season. I have a feeling they would have been in the mix.
3. Sorry. You caught me trying to figure out how old Barry Sanders is. I bet you he would like to be part of this Lions party. I personally just think they are good because there were rumors that the league was debating taking them off Thanksgiving Day games. You see, them and Dallas made a pact. "We are both going to be GOOD this year." The pact is looking like the pact that Jerry and George made about getting married. I suppose, using that comparison, that the Lions are George. "WE HAD A DEAL!" Perhaps we can compare the Lions to another Seinfeld episode. Maybe the Lions are just doing the opposite of everything they have done in the past. George : Well, I wish I could say the same, but I must say, with all due respect, I find it very hard to see the logic behind some of the moves you have made with this fine organization. In the past twenty years you have caused myself, and the city of New York, a good deal of distress, as we have watched you take our beloved Yankees and reduced them to a laughing stock, all for the glorification of your massive ego!
Mr. Steinbrenner : Hire this man!
4. Brandon Marshall has come forward and says his objective this Sunday is to get kicked out/ ejected by the 2nd quarter. When questioned further, he said he wasn't joking, but that the quarter and a half that he was going to play, he was going to be a "monster." Ummm. Do I even NEED to make a joke on this? Is it really necessary for me to comment? This is like a rant mad lib. Here we go. My rant can be interactive and take you back to the 80's on the school bus next to your buddy with the Rubik's Cube. My joke about this Brandon Marshall take by the Fillerbuster is_______________(dumb joke).
5. Berkman and Ellsbury win comeback players of the year in the MLB. My hats off to them and all, but it seems like the comeback awards are pretty cheap the last few years. What happened to guys coming back after battling cancer, or from a car crash, or whatever. Berkman had 14 HR and 58 RBI's last year. He had a bum knee. True, he is older, so of course the timer is ticking, but come on. Ellsbury had injuries and is the prime of his career. I would rather find a real story that someone came back for just par stats from truly down and out than award someone we assumed would find their way back.
6. I am not saying that I feel unsafe in the USA. I know we are taking care of stuff since 9/11. AND. I know Obama loves basketball. Hell, I think the first time I started paying attention to him was the first time on Mike and Mike. I was a Political Science major. I am not proud of that Obama/ Mike and Mike statement. ANYWAY. It's not like he can't get tickets. I just think it is not necessary for the most important person in the world to announce almost a month before the game that he is attending. It is asking for it...on the carrier that carted back Osama's body. Announce it last minute. Make sure no one has time to plan for anything. Go watch "In the Line of Fire," Obama. Next time, just pleasantly surprise us about where you will be. Just looking out for you, bro.
7. In the midst of the whole NBA lockout, Melo has let everyone out there know he wants to do the Denver trip and doesn't want it cancelled. That is very sweet, Melo. I am still trying to figure out what the hell I am doing on Christmas without games possibly which is MUCH more important, and you are letting my town know that you are sad. Save it. Go watch Hoosiers and learn how to play defense. You might jab step you way into the Hall of Fame, but no rings are coming your way without some D.
8. We can now eliminate the Bruins from the NHL playoffs. Yup. You heard it here first. They might not even make the playoffs. They committed a cardinal sin. At their celebration of their championship, they raised the cup above their head. BIG no no. You are messing with the hockey gods on that one, guys. Not MY rule.
9. The Raiders' Terrelle Pryor is back. Yay. No one cares. Actually, I do. I am very impressed you didn't get in trouble during your suspension. Very impressed. I am sure you think you are going to be a QB now, too, don't you?
10. There are things going too fast in my life, and then there are things that move like a snail. I LOVE college basketball, and follow it religiously, and I admit I STILL thought that Juan Fernandez from Temple was in his fifth year last year and graduated. Confused.
11. Speaking of being confused, I hear McNabb is confused by the boos in Minnesota. I get it, and I will explain. You see, Donovan, even if you are good in Philly, if you throw two incomplete passes, they boo you. I was at a game when my favorite player and future Hall of Famer (Mike Schmidt), was booed. The other side of the coin, sir, is this. You are getting booed presently by NICE people who are watching you actually suck on a regular basis. There is no parallel here, Donovan. Once again, before? Town. Now? You. Oh. One more thing, you TEASED those fans. You got them SO close and then blew it. You might have been better off for just going .500 and getting the same amount of boos. Teasing them is like teasing...ooohhh...no, I shouldn't go there. That one would have been BRUTAL though. My mother reads this thing. Easy, Fillerbuster.
12. I think I am rooting for the Brewers (they just went up 4-2 while I am writing this). It is not because of my hatred now for the Cardinals for knocking out my Phils. It is because of that dumb rule about the All-Star game and home advantage. Although it makes the All-Star game a little cooler and meaningful, it would be cool because it was Prince Fielder got the National League the home field...personally. By the way, the Cardinals are just downright scary in the playoffs. They had to win like 17,000 games straight to get IN the playoffs, and then they take out the Phils. When they won the Series, they had 83 wins. 83, people. They get in the big party and they turn into a different team.
13. Verlander allows FOUR earned runs and wins. Who;d have thunk? THAT is why we play the games, right?
14. My weekend is going to be fun. It is not because I am doing anything. Actually, I am attempting to park my car on Friday and not move it all weekend. I am having a cleaning weekend. Room to room, counter to counter. However, it just got more interesting. How do I express this? I consider myself in the top 1% of knowledge of 80's glam rock. Not only is my knowledge scary, but the CD's and cassettes I still own (yes, I said cassettes) are downright illegal. ANYWAY. Quick segway. I sell software. The software is displayed on the monitor in REGIONS. Well, my buddy was talking to a school for girls (he is in the education vertical), and I skyped that he should put in one of the regions "Girlschool," by Britny Fox. He said "nice pull on that one." Then, he tells me about this list his buddy created of the top 100 songs in the eighties performed by bands with 3 #1 hits or less (eliminating Bon Jovi, G N R, VH, Def Leppard, etc.). I ask him to send me the list. OK. Back to my original story. I am going to clean the entire weekend with tapes and CD's all over my living room floor and a pad and pen. I am going to create my list. The top 1% created list. It is going to be fancy. I am also going to up the ante (after going to storage to get the other 100 of my cassettes). I am going to use the same rules, but I have to name songs that never were released OR made the Billboard Top 100. Basically, I am creating a list for people who missed out on the 80's and would never have time to find the hidden gems. It is going to be awesome. I will probably post this list Monday. In discussing this list, I made a very disturbing statement. I commented on how there was no "early Dokken" on his list. From now on when I enter pools in sports, my name will be "Early Dokken."
15. Baylor and RG3 (damn, I hate that acronym) face off against John Travolta...ooops...I saw the words "face off" and almost segway-ed into a movie take. I mean Texas A&M. Am I the only person who chuckled when I read that someone tagged it the "Lawsuit Bowl?" If you need it explained, then I assume you don't find a lot of my takes funny. Moving on.
16. Mike Stoops got fired from Arizona. I think The Fray have the #1 most requested song presently also. Whoops, I guess I am referencing that THAT was the time when they should have fired him. That is what I will call a bloodline contract (hear that, Marcus Vick? Damn, I love picking on you). Unfortunately, in athletes, it is more believable. People hope athletic prowess carries over to the siblings. In coaching, just because your relative is raking over at Oklahoma, doesn't mean YOU are going to be a good coach. Since we are talking about time warps, the following was the highlight of my day. I drove down 17th Street in Denver and passed by a DeLorean. It almost looked like someone actually TRIED to make it the same color and style as in Back to the Future. I almost crashed on purpose and looked for a puffy vest and a skateboard.
17. The Saints' Harper got fined 15K for a late hit. Think about this. If he was dating Tamika Catchings, who made the WNBA first team, he would still be 5k short from paying that off. Seems off to me. What he COULD do in that hypothetical situation is take the 10K from Tamika, go play KGB, flop a nut straight, and THEN pay the fine. See? I am FULL of solutions.
18. There were no major violations in the recruiting of Cam Newton. In a related story, my Steelers' QB did nothing wrong at that college bar. Coincidentally, everyone's story was inconsistent, even though alcohol was only involved in one of the stories.
19. SERIOUS TAKE ALERT. I am SO glad Giants fan Stow got released from the hospital. I wish you and your family well, and hope that any fan who thinks about physically harming any other fan realizes it is just a game. I love the Steelers with all my heart and consider myself top 5% (there is that damn 5% thing again) in passion. However, I would never think about hurting another fan. Never. Sad story all around.
20. Just my personal opinion, but I don't think I would be scared of the Tigers' Valverde. His sunglasses are cool, but his beergut kind of takes away some of the intimidation if you ask me. Grow a huge mustache, eat a couple greens at lunch, and I will revisit this topic.
21. TCU is going to the Big 12? I feel like I am on a sailboat with Rosanne Barr. I can't keep track of this shit. I am going to just hold on to the mast, hope LT. Dan is at the top of it, and examine all of these moves when it settles.
22. In case you haven't noticed, and re-reading that last take, it is evident to me that the things that irritate me most in life are conference re-alignment, Brett Favre comeback articles, athletes who make millions who get DUI's, Tim Tebow, athletes who say that they are going to wrestle an alligator and then back out,...who am I kidding? THAT is why I rant!! A LOT irritates me. I just used two exclamation points. Myra had the baby. If you don't get that one, then be a loyal reader, or buy the Seinfeld DVD set. Get with the program.
23. In memory of Al Davis, the Raiders traded for Aaron Curry of the Seahawks. OK. I will explain that joke. Al Davis was famous for picking up high draft picks who didn't pan out, years after they were drafted. Thus, Aaron Curry was drafted fourth a couple years ago, and is now a Raider. Trust me. That is kind of funny.
24. The US Soccer team lost again. I believe that makes them 1-3 under Klinsman. It was a friendly, so I guess I shouldn't worry about it. If I was not trying to keep to my 30 take, 2.5 hour writing quota, I could write a freaking BOOK on my confusion and irritation with "friendlies." I want to rename them "No Flop" matches.
25. It is absolutely amazing how little I pay attention to fantasy even though I watch more sports per week than some people on ESPN. I found out today that Derrick Mason was traded to the Texans. Then, I remembered he was on my team. THEN, I realized that I have Matt Schaub AND Andre Johnson is hurt. See. That is accidental, negligent, stubborn brilliance. Maybe I will check my people's bye week this week and start people who are actually in a game.
26. I don't consider taking the pen from a hotel room "stealing." I bartended for 14 years, and still treasure any pen I can get my hands on. I feel genuine about this. Hell, in any crazyness in my life, I still haven't even stole a stick of chapstick in my life-thanks, mom (fraternity stealing from sorority houses are NOT on me-I HAD to do it to be a brother). Anyway, in adding to the resume of Hyatt Regency Long Beach and their awesome elevators, go there and grab a pen or two. This pen I am making notes on is AWESOME. Smooth...
27. I am very glad that Sidney Crosby is back to taking contact. Makes the NHL season that much better. Keep getting healthy for the sake of the game.
28. I am very surprised about the lack of law problems with NBA during this lockout. Seriously. Maybe Stern has them locked UP instead of locked OUT.
29. (This was going to be a women's gymnastics take. In my editing, I decided that I don't know crap about it except for Mary Lou Retton and Kerri Shrug, and that it wasn't that funny anyway)
30. I am not surprised that the Eagles are hiring a defensive consultant.
31. I am still confused about what the Big East is doing.
32. I was not surprised to hear Wayne Rooney got suspended 3 games for that kick on the opposing player.
33. I was very sad to hear that South African fighter Anele Makhwelo died after his title fight this past week.
34. I am very surprised to hear that Big Papi is thinking about leaving Boston. Dumb.
35. So. I bartend for 14 years and make Prairie Fires, tabasco and Cuervo, and Soco beats them to the punch to release it nationally? Maybe I am off on this. Maybe Cuervo already has this one out. I can't imagine them missing out on this one. Evidently, I don't ever order tequila proactively at the bar. and that is very true. It is always someone else's idea when tequila is served around me. GEEZ. I am a BOURBON guy.
36. FBS picks (when the HELL did they start calling college football the FBS? It wasn't a blurb. It wasn't a major announcement. Yes. I know it happened years ago, but it just kind of snuck up on us. Whatever.)
Bet the house: Miami (+3) against UNC at UNC...come on. Just because UNC players have parking at home now doesn't mean they can match up with a pissed off Miami team. Did you SEE that Va Tech/ Miami game last week? Wow.
Indiana (+41) at home against Wisconsin...I KNOW Wisconsin are my BCS Championship pick, but 41 pts is a LOT. At Indiana's crib. After a bye week. Take the points.
Clemson (-9) away against Maryland. I am a believer, Boyd playing or not.
South Carolina (-3) at Miss St....they got rid of Garcia, no QB controversy, and talent will win this by two touchdowns.
Baylor (+9) at A&M...A&M might win, but it will be close, people.
Oklahoma State (-8) at Texas...Think OSU is watching last week's OU/ UT game tapes? Yup. I think they are, and McCoy is only one week more mature and probably kind of rattled still.
South Florida (-7.5) at UConn...just because they lost a game they shouldn't have, it doesn't mean that they don't have superior talent.
37. I think that is everything...I KNOW...it is NOT. Freaking Tebow. I am at 37 takes. I did this on PURPOSE. SO I wouldn't have time to dive into this. Maybe because I know he doesn't have the stature. Maybe it is because his throwing motion is all jacked up. Maybe it is because I live here and I am over it. Maybe it is because I thought Brady Quinn was actually the backup. Maybe it is because I think John Fox is "enabling" the crowd the masses. "Are you NOT entertained?" Maybe it is because he is the non-throwing antithesis, likable version of Jeff George. Maybe it is because I haven't spent 5 or 20 minutes with him. Maybe it is because he can't throw the deep ball. Maybe it is because...who am I kidding? I could write "maybe" takes ALL NIGHT. Enjoy your path to the cellar, Broncos fans. Call Stephen Pearcy when you are ready to get out of last place.
38. While the Cardinals are trying to figure out how to clone Carpenter, and while the Tigers are trying to figure out how to clone Verlander, I am going to get out of here. What did one shepherd say to the other? Let's get the flock out of here. I will see you again...but not yet...not yet. Late.
4. Brandon Marshall has come forward and says his objective this Sunday is to get kicked out/ ejected by the 2nd quarter. When questioned further, he said he wasn't joking, but that the quarter and a half that he was going to play, he was going to be a "monster." Ummm. Do I even NEED to make a joke on this? Is it really necessary for me to comment? This is like a rant mad lib. Here we go. My rant can be interactive and take you back to the 80's on the school bus next to your buddy with the Rubik's Cube. My joke about this Brandon Marshall take by the Fillerbuster is_______________(dumb joke).
5. Berkman and Ellsbury win comeback players of the year in the MLB. My hats off to them and all, but it seems like the comeback awards are pretty cheap the last few years. What happened to guys coming back after battling cancer, or from a car crash, or whatever. Berkman had 14 HR and 58 RBI's last year. He had a bum knee. True, he is older, so of course the timer is ticking, but come on. Ellsbury had injuries and is the prime of his career. I would rather find a real story that someone came back for just par stats from truly down and out than award someone we assumed would find their way back.
6. I am not saying that I feel unsafe in the USA. I know we are taking care of stuff since 9/11. AND. I know Obama loves basketball. Hell, I think the first time I started paying attention to him was the first time on Mike and Mike. I was a Political Science major. I am not proud of that Obama/ Mike and Mike statement. ANYWAY. It's not like he can't get tickets. I just think it is not necessary for the most important person in the world to announce almost a month before the game that he is attending. It is asking for it...on the carrier that carted back Osama's body. Announce it last minute. Make sure no one has time to plan for anything. Go watch "In the Line of Fire," Obama. Next time, just pleasantly surprise us about where you will be. Just looking out for you, bro.
7. In the midst of the whole NBA lockout, Melo has let everyone out there know he wants to do the Denver trip and doesn't want it cancelled. That is very sweet, Melo. I am still trying to figure out what the hell I am doing on Christmas without games possibly which is MUCH more important, and you are letting my town know that you are sad. Save it. Go watch Hoosiers and learn how to play defense. You might jab step you way into the Hall of Fame, but no rings are coming your way without some D.
8. We can now eliminate the Bruins from the NHL playoffs. Yup. You heard it here first. They might not even make the playoffs. They committed a cardinal sin. At their celebration of their championship, they raised the cup above their head. BIG no no. You are messing with the hockey gods on that one, guys. Not MY rule.
9. The Raiders' Terrelle Pryor is back. Yay. No one cares. Actually, I do. I am very impressed you didn't get in trouble during your suspension. Very impressed. I am sure you think you are going to be a QB now, too, don't you?
10. There are things going too fast in my life, and then there are things that move like a snail. I LOVE college basketball, and follow it religiously, and I admit I STILL thought that Juan Fernandez from Temple was in his fifth year last year and graduated. Confused.
11. Speaking of being confused, I hear McNabb is confused by the boos in Minnesota. I get it, and I will explain. You see, Donovan, even if you are good in Philly, if you throw two incomplete passes, they boo you. I was at a game when my favorite player and future Hall of Famer (Mike Schmidt), was booed. The other side of the coin, sir, is this. You are getting booed presently by NICE people who are watching you actually suck on a regular basis. There is no parallel here, Donovan. Once again, before? Town. Now? You. Oh. One more thing, you TEASED those fans. You got them SO close and then blew it. You might have been better off for just going .500 and getting the same amount of boos. Teasing them is like teasing...ooohhh...no, I shouldn't go there. That one would have been BRUTAL though. My mother reads this thing. Easy, Fillerbuster.
12. I think I am rooting for the Brewers (they just went up 4-2 while I am writing this). It is not because of my hatred now for the Cardinals for knocking out my Phils. It is because of that dumb rule about the All-Star game and home advantage. Although it makes the All-Star game a little cooler and meaningful, it would be cool because it was Prince Fielder got the National League the home field...personally. By the way, the Cardinals are just downright scary in the playoffs. They had to win like 17,000 games straight to get IN the playoffs, and then they take out the Phils. When they won the Series, they had 83 wins. 83, people. They get in the big party and they turn into a different team.
13. Verlander allows FOUR earned runs and wins. Who;d have thunk? THAT is why we play the games, right?
14. My weekend is going to be fun. It is not because I am doing anything. Actually, I am attempting to park my car on Friday and not move it all weekend. I am having a cleaning weekend. Room to room, counter to counter. However, it just got more interesting. How do I express this? I consider myself in the top 1% of knowledge of 80's glam rock. Not only is my knowledge scary, but the CD's and cassettes I still own (yes, I said cassettes) are downright illegal. ANYWAY. Quick segway. I sell software. The software is displayed on the monitor in REGIONS. Well, my buddy was talking to a school for girls (he is in the education vertical), and I skyped that he should put in one of the regions "Girlschool," by Britny Fox. He said "nice pull on that one." Then, he tells me about this list his buddy created of the top 100 songs in the eighties performed by bands with 3 #1 hits or less (eliminating Bon Jovi, G N R, VH, Def Leppard, etc.). I ask him to send me the list. OK. Back to my original story. I am going to clean the entire weekend with tapes and CD's all over my living room floor and a pad and pen. I am going to create my list. The top 1% created list. It is going to be fancy. I am also going to up the ante (after going to storage to get the other 100 of my cassettes). I am going to use the same rules, but I have to name songs that never were released OR made the Billboard Top 100. Basically, I am creating a list for people who missed out on the 80's and would never have time to find the hidden gems. It is going to be awesome. I will probably post this list Monday. In discussing this list, I made a very disturbing statement. I commented on how there was no "early Dokken" on his list. From now on when I enter pools in sports, my name will be "Early Dokken."
15. Baylor and RG3 (damn, I hate that acronym) face off against John Travolta...ooops...I saw the words "face off" and almost segway-ed into a movie take. I mean Texas A&M. Am I the only person who chuckled when I read that someone tagged it the "Lawsuit Bowl?" If you need it explained, then I assume you don't find a lot of my takes funny. Moving on.
16. Mike Stoops got fired from Arizona. I think The Fray have the #1 most requested song presently also. Whoops, I guess I am referencing that THAT was the time when they should have fired him. That is what I will call a bloodline contract (hear that, Marcus Vick? Damn, I love picking on you). Unfortunately, in athletes, it is more believable. People hope athletic prowess carries over to the siblings. In coaching, just because your relative is raking over at Oklahoma, doesn't mean YOU are going to be a good coach. Since we are talking about time warps, the following was the highlight of my day. I drove down 17th Street in Denver and passed by a DeLorean. It almost looked like someone actually TRIED to make it the same color and style as in Back to the Future. I almost crashed on purpose and looked for a puffy vest and a skateboard.
17. The Saints' Harper got fined 15K for a late hit. Think about this. If he was dating Tamika Catchings, who made the WNBA first team, he would still be 5k short from paying that off. Seems off to me. What he COULD do in that hypothetical situation is take the 10K from Tamika, go play KGB, flop a nut straight, and THEN pay the fine. See? I am FULL of solutions.
18. There were no major violations in the recruiting of Cam Newton. In a related story, my Steelers' QB did nothing wrong at that college bar. Coincidentally, everyone's story was inconsistent, even though alcohol was only involved in one of the stories.
19. SERIOUS TAKE ALERT. I am SO glad Giants fan Stow got released from the hospital. I wish you and your family well, and hope that any fan who thinks about physically harming any other fan realizes it is just a game. I love the Steelers with all my heart and consider myself top 5% (there is that damn 5% thing again) in passion. However, I would never think about hurting another fan. Never. Sad story all around.
20. Just my personal opinion, but I don't think I would be scared of the Tigers' Valverde. His sunglasses are cool, but his beergut kind of takes away some of the intimidation if you ask me. Grow a huge mustache, eat a couple greens at lunch, and I will revisit this topic.
21. TCU is going to the Big 12? I feel like I am on a sailboat with Rosanne Barr. I can't keep track of this shit. I am going to just hold on to the mast, hope LT. Dan is at the top of it, and examine all of these moves when it settles.
22. In case you haven't noticed, and re-reading that last take, it is evident to me that the things that irritate me most in life are conference re-alignment, Brett Favre comeback articles, athletes who make millions who get DUI's, Tim Tebow, athletes who say that they are going to wrestle an alligator and then back out,...who am I kidding? THAT is why I rant!! A LOT irritates me. I just used two exclamation points. Myra had the baby. If you don't get that one, then be a loyal reader, or buy the Seinfeld DVD set. Get with the program.
23. In memory of Al Davis, the Raiders traded for Aaron Curry of the Seahawks. OK. I will explain that joke. Al Davis was famous for picking up high draft picks who didn't pan out, years after they were drafted. Thus, Aaron Curry was drafted fourth a couple years ago, and is now a Raider. Trust me. That is kind of funny.
24. The US Soccer team lost again. I believe that makes them 1-3 under Klinsman. It was a friendly, so I guess I shouldn't worry about it. If I was not trying to keep to my 30 take, 2.5 hour writing quota, I could write a freaking BOOK on my confusion and irritation with "friendlies." I want to rename them "No Flop" matches.
25. It is absolutely amazing how little I pay attention to fantasy even though I watch more sports per week than some people on ESPN. I found out today that Derrick Mason was traded to the Texans. Then, I remembered he was on my team. THEN, I realized that I have Matt Schaub AND Andre Johnson is hurt. See. That is accidental, negligent, stubborn brilliance. Maybe I will check my people's bye week this week and start people who are actually in a game.
26. I don't consider taking the pen from a hotel room "stealing." I bartended for 14 years, and still treasure any pen I can get my hands on. I feel genuine about this. Hell, in any crazyness in my life, I still haven't even stole a stick of chapstick in my life-thanks, mom (fraternity stealing from sorority houses are NOT on me-I HAD to do it to be a brother). Anyway, in adding to the resume of Hyatt Regency Long Beach and their awesome elevators, go there and grab a pen or two. This pen I am making notes on is AWESOME. Smooth...
27. I am very glad that Sidney Crosby is back to taking contact. Makes the NHL season that much better. Keep getting healthy for the sake of the game.
28. I am very surprised about the lack of law problems with NBA during this lockout. Seriously. Maybe Stern has them locked UP instead of locked OUT.
29. (This was going to be a women's gymnastics take. In my editing, I decided that I don't know crap about it except for Mary Lou Retton and Kerri Shrug, and that it wasn't that funny anyway)
30. I am not surprised that the Eagles are hiring a defensive consultant.
31. I am still confused about what the Big East is doing.
32. I was not surprised to hear Wayne Rooney got suspended 3 games for that kick on the opposing player.
33. I was very sad to hear that South African fighter Anele Makhwelo died after his title fight this past week.
34. I am very surprised to hear that Big Papi is thinking about leaving Boston. Dumb.
35. So. I bartend for 14 years and make Prairie Fires, tabasco and Cuervo, and Soco beats them to the punch to release it nationally? Maybe I am off on this. Maybe Cuervo already has this one out. I can't imagine them missing out on this one. Evidently, I don't ever order tequila proactively at the bar. and that is very true. It is always someone else's idea when tequila is served around me. GEEZ. I am a BOURBON guy.
36. FBS picks (when the HELL did they start calling college football the FBS? It wasn't a blurb. It wasn't a major announcement. Yes. I know it happened years ago, but it just kind of snuck up on us. Whatever.)
Bet the house: Miami (+3) against UNC at UNC...come on. Just because UNC players have parking at home now doesn't mean they can match up with a pissed off Miami team. Did you SEE that Va Tech/ Miami game last week? Wow.
Indiana (+41) at home against Wisconsin...I KNOW Wisconsin are my BCS Championship pick, but 41 pts is a LOT. At Indiana's crib. After a bye week. Take the points.
Clemson (-9) away against Maryland. I am a believer, Boyd playing or not.
South Carolina (-3) at Miss St....they got rid of Garcia, no QB controversy, and talent will win this by two touchdowns.
Baylor (+9) at A&M...A&M might win, but it will be close, people.
Oklahoma State (-8) at Texas...Think OSU is watching last week's OU/ UT game tapes? Yup. I think they are, and McCoy is only one week more mature and probably kind of rattled still.
South Florida (-7.5) at UConn...just because they lost a game they shouldn't have, it doesn't mean that they don't have superior talent.
37. I think that is everything...I KNOW...it is NOT. Freaking Tebow. I am at 37 takes. I did this on PURPOSE. SO I wouldn't have time to dive into this. Maybe because I know he doesn't have the stature. Maybe it is because his throwing motion is all jacked up. Maybe it is because I live here and I am over it. Maybe it is because I thought Brady Quinn was actually the backup. Maybe it is because I think John Fox is "enabling" the crowd the masses. "Are you NOT entertained?" Maybe it is because he is the non-throwing antithesis, likable version of Jeff George. Maybe it is because I haven't spent 5 or 20 minutes with him. Maybe it is because he can't throw the deep ball. Maybe it is because...who am I kidding? I could write "maybe" takes ALL NIGHT. Enjoy your path to the cellar, Broncos fans. Call Stephen Pearcy when you are ready to get out of last place.
38. While the Cardinals are trying to figure out how to clone Carpenter, and while the Tigers are trying to figure out how to clone Verlander, I am going to get out of here. What did one shepherd say to the other? Let's get the flock out of here. I will see you again...but not yet...not yet. Late.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)