100712- Blind Airplane Rant

Read it, don’t read it, I don’t care…I just need to get some things off my chest.

In no particular order of chronology or importance…

Missed a day, people.  AND my flight doesn’t leave for 2 hours.  AND then I have about another 2 hours in the air…this rant could be a monster.  You people who tell me I make them too long can just split it up for the days until Monday.  No fun links or fancy stats as this one is absolutely blind without any internet.

****This is also unedited…had to get it out, and not changing it...

Let’s turn and burn.

1)    I am a man.  No, I am not going into a Mike Gundy take (by the way, after that dancing routine, Chandler passed along to me that he wants to hang out with you).  Punctuation and wording would be different.  Something like I’M 40!!!!! I’M A MAN!!!!!.  In a couple years, you are damn right that is my birthday toast.  But I digress.  ANYWAY, I am a man because I love my Steelers, but I am pretty realistic about where they are at.  I am not going to sit here and tell you that the refs screwed them over, or that a squirrel ran across the field (although that squirrel DID take away a Phils swing).  They got BEAT.  They got their asses handed to them.  If anything, I would say that the score should have been about 34-10 if the Texans wouldn’t have kept committing penalties.  They pushed the PUNTER in the back on a blocked field goal return.  They travelled 115 yards on their first drive that lasted 10 minutes game time.  You are lucky that I have about 100 more takes to get to, otherwise I could tell you all the ways they got beat.  After dissecting all of the trivial places they have weaknesses, it basically breaks down to this.  Their offensive line has injuries and also subpar talent in comparison to years of past.  The Steelers over the last decade have modified their old ram it down your throat philosophy wide open passing COMBINED with the ram it down your throat.  It is kind of hard to do that with the present offensive line.  More sacks are occurring, Ben has less time, and there is no respect for the run.  Something has to change on this front (no pun intended) if another Super Bowl run is possible.  The other thing is the secondary.  The system has not had many lock down corners in the past and been successful, but less of a normal down pass rush is giving a little bit older corners too much time to keep quality receivers away from the ball.  No turnovers are being created, thus making those damn Ben interceptions and fumbles more costly.  They are just not returning the favor in the TO battle. Minus 10 ain't going to cut it.

2)    Got to tell you.  I am pretty happy with my preseason Wisconsin national championship pick.  Those boys are balling.  Decent defense.  OK receivers.  Stellar running backs.  Great coach.  An offensive line that I am going to ask to suit up for the Steelers on these Sundays.  And they finally have a playmaker at QB.  I still like their schedule from here out.  And after that shellacking of the Children of the Corn, I am still feeling pretty good about them playing Alabama in the final game, although I will secretly be rooting for Boise in that thing.  Wait.  No I don’t.  Then I wouldn’t know who cheer for in the game.  Uhhhh.  How about this?  If Wisconsin makes it, I want them to take down one of the SEC teams, pretty much Bama in my opinion.  If Wisconsin fails to make that deal happen, then go Boise and you can ALSO take down Bama.  If Moore lines up against those guys, at least we can say he knows what it is like facing a NFL defense already.

3)    I am tired of answering in bars the questions about things translating to the next level.  Russell Wilson, as much as I love him, is NOT going #1, bar people, just because he is doing well.  He is 5’11”.  You can’t guarantee predicting Doug Fluties with those guys.  Too high of risk, especially since there is that little point about needing to see over the offensive line to see your damn receivers.  Google “Charlie Ward” and get back with me.  Thanks.

4)    There are only so many movements you can do in life with your hands that look original.  I think it is neat when new handshakes and new TD celebrations are invented, and just look new and different.  Aaron Rodgers.  You may have broken my heart last year, but keep doing that belt thing.  I think it is cool and original.  It was kind of cocky when you were doing it before you got one, but you set yourself up for ultimate coolness when you crossed that title off your bucket list.  Very nice, dude.

5)    OK.  I am not getting into this, but I AM correcting myself from my last rant.  I thought Va Tech was a LOCK.  Not too many people go into Blacksburg and keep them to 3 points.  I don’t care if it is a good team, reloading team, young team, injured team, etc.  So, I will say this.  It appears as if Clemson might be for real.  I didn’t catch most of the game as I had priorities of some other games, and I still haven’t set up my million dollar 10 TV den set up, but that just doesn’t happen.  Don’t go lay an egg against some powder puffs you have upcoming in the ACC.  Know that you got through 3 straight games unscathed.
 

6)    Kevin Na whiffed on a ball, was not penalized for it, and still won the tournament.  There are three things wrong in that sentence.    Oh, and Tiger Woods is coming back today to golf.  He was over par before I lost internet, so I don’t think there is anything revolutionary to report here.  Yup.  Your swing is back though, aye?  Maybe the Rolex’s are heavier than Taghueur’s and that is messing up your swing.  But at least you feel better that someone likes you again, or needs you (I don’t know what the Rolex stock is doing these days).

7)    Four Tar Heels are on the preseason Wooden Award list.  I am proud you have at least seen each of them play COLLEGE basketball when you put them there this year.  I am still mad at you all putting Harrison Barnes on the All-America list last year before he played one game.  I think it will be a while before that happens again.

8)    Poor Gator fans (for any new readers, that is extremely sarcastic).  They lose Brantley in the 1^st QTR of the most important game of the year.  Then, you find out he is out for your 2^nd most important game the next week.  Bad break, bad timing…Do that Gator arm thing again. Yay.

9)    Hey, everyone.  I figured out where QB Mike Kafka went to school (reference to previous rant).   I happen to catch some of the Northwestern game last week.  Good game, and crossed that off my “I keep forgetting to look it up, but damn it irritates me when I hear it and reminds me I don’t know” list.  I think they mentioned his name when Illinois was making that amazing comeback and they dropped something like “Mike Kafka would have never let this happen…”

         I HATE when I accidentally hit something in Word and it does something funky like indenting or font stuff.  In my zone, don’t have time to deal with it.


    Knock knock.  Who’s there?  Jared Cook, Steven Ridley, and Victor Cruz.  WHO?


    The grass is green, the sky is blue, and for some random reason I find a wonderful combination for a night out would be Floyd Mayweather and Michael Vick. Good ole’ Michael has OFFICIALLY informed us this week that the “dream team” is dead.  No shit, Sherlock.  I knew it was going to be dead also.  I thought you might at least not start to crash until maybe week 6 or 7.  You didn’t even make your bye week...

     
     In our now tri-weekly Brett Favre take (thanks, dude.  You are SLOWLY easing off the pedal), Brett has informed the media that the only thing that he is personally surprised at is that it took Rodgers this long to win a Super Bowl.  Stop talking about it.  Talk about Wranglers, trucks, and hunting.  Correct me if I am wrong, Brett, but…uhhh…you only have one of those rings.  Rodgers, in his usual style, deflected the comment in a mannerly way.  Good dude.


  
     Delonte West tweeted that he is working hard at a furniture store.  Apparently, they make some really firm couches and mattresses to smuggle guns in.




    I kind of like that new State Farm Insurance commercial with the falcon, costumes, and stuff, saying you can buy all of these dumb things with the money you saved.  I think it is kind of clever, and more importantly, they can ride this one for a while if it catches on.  I hope they have a more energetic writer than Dos Equiis.  That guy was brilliant, but then evidently ran out of gas after about 4 commercials.  Keep focused and rested, falcon guy.  True, State Farm isn’t exactly like selling something glamorous and fun like beer, but, hell, that damn gecko is still around, right?  I also decided that I am not totally over the E-Trade baby commercials, proven when I saw one of the commercials in a movie theater before Moneyball, and I noticed that I chuckled out loud still…maybe it was the big screen…loud audio…not sure…but it happened.  I also am on board with those Allstate commercials (what is UP with me and insurance commercials??) with the guy who says what kind of havoc he is in each case…like the ref, the blind spot, the hot female runner, etc…


     I am not seeing near as much hype for the Red River Shootout as past years, and I am confused to why.  I am not saying that they will upset Oklahoma at all, just saying it will be a better game than people think and I have no idea of why we…well, the media…is overlooking it.  In an age where most things get too much hype, I just haven’t seen the exposure for this one.


     Another thing about Bama.  Did you all see that tackle by the punter on UF’s Demps?  Dude is a badass.  Strong guy.  Punter.  I am not talking about a push out or trip.  Dude TACKLED him.  Demps even came up limping a little on the clean hit.


     The WNBA 1^st team gets $10,000.  That is pretty bad.  No financial motivation for being the best in your entire league I guess.  Just pride.  Hell, Ocho could TALK bad about them and get fined twice that.


    Does anyone else think that Russell Martin looks kind of like the young Ray Liotta?  Check it out.  I’m serious, and don’t know why I just noticed it.


    Simple line, but I thought it was a good one during the football games.  Diedorf said that “if you are parallel to Mike Wallace, you are already behind…”  At least SOMEONE on that team is playing well.


    One of my favorite things in life besides watching people parallel park, and fast elevators, is people being caught on camera at games when they are sad.  No, I am not picking on sad people.  I am talking about the ones who DECK OUT in gear, face paint, crazy hats, headdresses, shoulder pads, etc., and then look thoughtful or sad.  I think that if you signed on to be THAT person, that you are OBLIGATED to be THAT person for the entire duration.  Jump around and be idiotic.  Bathrooms are allowed, but otherwise, know that you got yourself into it, so FOCUS, dammit.  Oh, by the way, if you are ever in Long Beach, stay at the Hyatt Regency if you like fast elevators.  Those things were so fast that I got busted for looking into the mirror making sure there was nothing in my teeth at least twice.


    Are the Baltimore Ravens’ jerseys getting slightly darker each year?  Are they just trying to make it not a sudden change to the public?  Did they get self-conscious about being so tough and choosing the color purple before they got so good and tough?  I don’t remember reading a blurb about this. 


     Kobe’s final contract in Italy is going to be just bizarre.  10 total games.  5 home, and then 5 at stadiums or some shit.  I will wait to hear the final word on this before totally pursuing this topic.


     I checked out the Buccaneers this past Monday night.  Wow.  Talk about needing to keep a core together.  Just like the Thunder are making sure that Durant and Russell Westbrook stay happy for years to come, the Bucs better start figuring out a way to keep Blount and Freeman together for years to come.  Those are truly two up and comers that really have no downside in either case.  Lock them up, keep their supporting cast good, and watch them grow.  It might be like watching a Redwood grow during its life in fast forward.  Wow.  That was an odd reference.  I am not even having drinks writing during this writing.


     Hockey regular season starts tonight.  I am pumped.  Philly opens with the Bruins, but for some reason, I am still kind of down that Crosby couldn’t come back full strength at the start of the season.  I am worried about him having to retire way early, and me talking about how he is like the really successful version of Eric Lindros for years to come.




     I had a beer called “Stone Sublimely Self Righteous” the other night with dinner in Long Beach.  Not only did it have the coolest name of the IPA’s, but it was good.  Looks like Newcastle/ Guiness, has a light taste with a kick that lights up your mouth.  Good stuff.  I was at a place that said on the sign as I walked in “world’s largest selection of beers.”  Pretty bold claim.  Like Seinfeld’s dad being the #1 Dad.  Anyway, I can’t verify it was true, but there was the most amount of taps I think I personally have ever seen.  In the middle of the quiet part of Long Beach, CA (I was apparently a good 18 blocks from where Snoop and Warren G grew up), who would have thunk?




    Chad Henne is DONE FOR THE SEASON!!!  Oh no!  That is horrible for the Dolphins.  Ummm.  Except it was clear you already sucked and your team is already 0-4.  Pretty sure this is not a parallel to Peyton Manning, where we plug you in and you go 12-4, and take you out you go 2-14.  Nope.  Think this is a LITTLE bit different.


    Pitt/ USF last week.  South Florida.  Ooohh…I know.  NEXT YEAR must be their break out year…yeah…next year…


    I have nothing to report on this, except that you all know that I just giddy when members of my “team” make the wire, which is a lot.  Article I did not read, but smiled.  “Manny is formally charged.”


    Hue Jackson still says the Raiders will win the division.  Hey, Hue.  Instead of saying things very Raider-like except for you all haven’t done a THING in the last 25 years except for that blip on the radar against Tampa Bay.  Do something and SHOW us.  Then talk.  Hue, you are going to fit RIGHT in over there in Raiderland.




    Lee Majors take.  Francona is OUT.  We don’t know the full story, sure.  Not sure if he was fired, forced resignation, him making the decision, etc.  All we know is he is out.  Fall guy.  If I was a Sox fan, I would give him some more time.  Did you all ALREADY forget that he won a World Series or two when you hadn’t won one in about a hundred years.  I HOPE he voluntarily left, because I disagree if they made change just to make change for a pissed off, non-playoff, over paying team.




    October 15^th is Dewey Bozella’s return.  He is the boxer who served time when he wasn’t guilty.  He was a boxer before, and now he is going to make a comeback to what he loves.  This probably won’t end in a made for TV movie, but still worth keeping an eye on.




    However you turn it or spin it, I think it was right to uphold Terrelle Pryor’s 5 game ban.  Don’t let him escape to run with the big boys who get paid and not make him penalized in SOME way.  He is kind of punk if you asked me.  If I was a chick, I would get him to ask me to marry him, and then sell his ring and dump him.


    How can you look yourself in the mirror this week if you are Texas A&M?  Yes, they were against top level teams, but two straight comebacks in the second half against opponents?  I would love to be in that huddle the next time they get up by two touchdowns.  Would the hell do you say that you didn’t already say after the first letdown?  And YOU want to be my bra salesman???...I mean in the SEC????




    I just have a feeling.  The feeling I am referencing is that if the Yankees lose this game (it is on live before I get on a plane and won’t know the result), that somewhere in all of the interviews, AJ Burnett will sneak out something to the effect of “well, I did MY part.  They weren’t even going to have me start.  Boy, that was a mistake.”  Just have a feeling.  Dibs to you, AJ, for being a stud when it counted (finally), but it is just in the cards before you turn the tables back to where they belong.


    In case you live in a bubble, the NBA season is in peril.  Because of my huge reader base, I wanted to pass that along for you all to update you.  You are welcome.  Tell your friends.




    I think it is pretty cool that the new Jeep has a setting for Mud, Sand, etc.  I think that actually would make me go use my Jeep for more of why it was created.  I drive it in blizzards and an occasional dirt trail, but blizzards don’t come around very often.


    It must be nice to predict to win a Super Bowl over a powerhouse, and then actually do it.  Even if it was just once.  Because Joe Namath sure comments and passes blame on the Jets a LOT these days.  I wonder if he is hitting the bottle hard and thinking he is talking during a sideline interview to a female reporter.  I am just thinking aloud.




    Thompson got special permission from the LPGA to join the tour.  I am slightly confused about this.  I didn’t think this was a rule, or, at worst, even a big deal.  Didn’t Michelle Wie join when she was like 12?  If I cared, I guess I would have opened the article and had more information for you on this.  Sorry.  My bad.


    Deion rips Romo for his play.  Come on.  Romo.  Say it.  Deion is going through a divorce, running around as a fairy in commercials, and mouthing off to you.  Think of SOMETHING after your next good game.  It is all t’d up, dude.




    I only saw the commercial in passing while I was in my hotel in Long Beach.  But.  Is there really a commercial for perhaps the Real Steel movie or a similar video game that has Jay-Z’s “99 problems” playing in the background…with “bitch” bleeped out?”  Radio-hear it all the time.  But, are we bleeping on TV commercials now.  As usual, I am just confused on this.


     I have only watched a couple half episodes of the show when it was after 2 ½ Men years ago.  The Big Bang Theory.  I am just saying that when it says the taller dorky guy is making trivial decisions with dice or a coin or something, I thought that sounded fun.  I think I am going to pick a Saturday and do this.  It might be fun. Dangerous, but fun nevertheless. Who knows?  Knowing me, I would wind up in Wyoming after the day.


     I kind of am glad Hank Williams did the whole Obama/ Hitler thing.  I am not glad of his words, but truly was feeling over the last year or so that they needed a new tune to kick things off.  It had kind of gotten stale for me.  How about a little Linkin Park to change things up for a bit?  Their new stuff is all half happy now ever since whatever real life problem the singer fixed after that awesome opening angry CD, Hybrid Theory.  Anyway, they are more family/ TV good now.  Hook it up.


     Texas Rangers advance.  Wow, they showed some of the flare they showed last year to get to the series in that first round.  They are sure happy as hell also that the Tigers and Yankees are going down to the wire.  That is good, but let’s keep in mind that the Rangers took down a very tired Devil Rays team.  I still like them to beat whoever comes out of this Tigers/ Yankees series.  I am sticking with all of my predictions I made before the playoffs.


    Detroit advances.  Fun series.  Another year for the Yankees of thinking about how the stars don’t really hit like they should when it counts for the money they are paid, and how it would be really fancy to have a clear lineup for their starting pitching.  I have never seen a team that was so indecisive about whether someone is a starter or a closer.  In my ongoing passion to watch things live as they happen, I actually had to pay $6 on the plane, because it was the bottom of the 7^th with bases loaded when the TV’s went out. And by the way, Yankees, how did you have the bases loaded and no one out in the 7th down two runs and only get one?  That was your chance, fellows.


    Phillies and Cards are going to a deciding Game 5.  I feel great about this one.  I do.  Halladay.  Home.  No problem.  Besides the fact that Chris Carpenter is the opposing pitcher, that damn guy named John Jay, and the fact that the Phillies bullpen gives me heart attacks, I feel good on this one.


     Brewers and DBacks go to a Game 5.  I am not surprised that this series is going to 5 games.  I am surprised HOW it happened.  Two games down and the DBacks battle back and KILL them.  They are so young, that I guess they are just fearless.  Can you imagine if we ended up with Arizona and St. Louis on the National League side?  Eeewwwww…

     I was at LAX and am not sure if one of the workers was serious or not.  If he was joking, I just want to pass along that it was tough to tell, dude.  It was actually kind of scary and I was glad I got a different line.  If he was serious, then you people need to fly out of LAX soon, because he officially have the airport version of the Soup Nazi.


    Mercedes Benz has purchased naming rights to the Superdome.  Hurry up and get traded to the Saints, Mercedes Lewis.  You can be in a car commercial.  The ending line of the commercial will be “ThiSaint your grandmother’s automobile.”  Damn, Cadillac already used that one, didn't they?  Engineered like no other Dome in the world?  Moving on...I got nothing...


     Not being a homer, just saying that I am glad that Big Ben doesn’t any broken bones.  Sprain is fine with me.  It is one thing to have that weak offensive line.  It is another to have a backup QB back there also.  Yikes.


     Ides of March.  Right up my alley.  Can I go two movies in a row at the theater without being disappointed.  Probably not, but I might give it a shot.


     So, Missouri is joining the super conference party, aye?  What?  They are looking at the SEC?  So it IS just a numbers game at this point.  You might improve your basketball status SLIGHTLY, but that football team is not exactly cementing any high quality addition.


    That Arian Foster sidestep of Troy Polomalu was sweet.  If you saw it, you know it.  It wasn’t end of the game big, but Houston was deep in its own territory, and it was a solid move and a solid play to reset of downs.


    Channel 4 Sunday had half scores at bottom for the NFL games-I had no idea of what was going on.  I know I have an older TV, but at least now I have a conversation starter with that damn van that drives home down my street every night.


     FBS picks

Ok.  I had a bad week last week, and my first losing week by far this season.  I went 2-5 against the spread, but note that the two wins were the two huge night games.  I will be honest with you.  I don’t see a lot jumping out at me this week.  I am going to pick 4 games just to get some fake action out there.  Here you go.

Utah at home plus 4 against Arizona State- I like both teams actually, but I like the 4 points at home.

Georgia away minus 2 against Tennessee- I know it is at UT’s crib.  I know it is the SEC.  I just quite frankly think that Georgia is BETTER, and much more than 2 pts better, home or away.

BYU at home minus 12 against San Jose St.-Home, better, and I think they win by the necessary 2 TD’s.

West Virginia home minus 20 against UConn-I can’t really give you a reason why I like this game.  I think they clear them by 24 pts at least though at home.

Colorado away plus 29 ½ against Stanford-I promise I am not corrupted here in Denver.  Ok.  Maybe I am.  Either way, I really think that 30 pts is a LOT for this matchup.  21?  Ok.  I will take the pts on this one.


That is it.  End of Game 5.  End of the flight.  End of me looking awkward typing like a maniac considering I really don’t fit in the seat with my computer in front of me, and my elbows sticking out.  Now I’m Done.  Peace.