Read it, don't read it, I don't care...just need to get some things off my chest.
In no particular order of chronology or importance...
What else are you selling? All kinds of shit. But I don't have to sell this and you know it. 'cause this kind of shit here sells itself...
1. What a World Series, people. It had a little bit of everything. It is a shame that the last game didn't have the end of game craziness as Game 6, but it was still a great series. Not that I was splitting the atom when I wrote it, but I did call that as an obvious 7 game series. Two very evenly matched, much flawed, but talented teams. I hope the Cardinals send a thank you card to Prince Fielder as he allowed them to celebrate in their crib. THEN, LaRussa retires, merely days after the end of the season. Talk about riding into the sunset... That is awesome. Now, he doesn't have to lose sleep at night wondering where the hell Pujols is going to end up, goes out a winner, and retires as one of the top 5 managers in the history of the game. Here is the thing. What a brilliant time to retire. Something tells me that he is VERY aware of the managing job he did with this team, doesn't see a lot of huge changes in the roster to the good happening, and is ducking out after pretty much being a genius. Sure, he had the one hiccup game where his decisions affected the outcome, but they still won it overall. Nice work, bro.
2. Speaking of coaching geniuses, what the hell is going on in Happy Valley? I am not doing this take as a huge Paterno fan, which I am. I am just doing the take because it is necessary. I seriously don't remember a team ever where both QB's suck so badly, the defense keeps them in the game every time, Lady Luck is totally on their side, and still winning every game. Their one loss? Remember? That's right. Bama. AND, if you ask the Bama players about that game, I am sure they were pretty happy to get the hell out of that game unscathed. 27-11 looks pretty close in comparison to some of Bama's other games. The closest thing I can think of is maybe those underachieving Iowa teams a couple years ago, or the Ravens 2000 team. Sorry, Trent. You are the man on TV and I love all of your takes, but you leading that team is like Tim Legler saying he was the go-to man back in his days in the NBA.
3. Big news! Myra had the baby! The NBA exhibition tour opener was cancelled. I thought it was already going on. I love basketball, and you can tell how little attention I paid attention to this story. Is this the same tour LeBron, Chris Paul, and Melo bowed out of? I am not even going to look it up, as I really don't care. I don't want LeBron bitching about losing a year of his run of 6 straight championships because of the lockout. Let's do this. Once again, screw the fans, the players, the owners, etc. What the HELL am I doing on Christmas Day if you guys cancel the season? Come on.
4. UNC was also #1 in the Preseason AP poll. I noticed they got all of the votes. Hey, Calipari, did you spend all of your payoff money on voters for the Coaches Poll? Didn't have enough to work one in on this one? By the way, I am not disagreeing with UNC being #1. I am not. They definitely have the most talent. But. Because a lot of ringers stayed in school at the top of the draft (you are welcome Kyrie Irving), I am surprised there weren't a few votes thrown elsewhere. There are about 5 or 6 REALLY good teams near the top. Just saying. This is going to be a fantastic college basketball year.
5. Wounded dog theory. If you betting people did not bet on OU this past week, well then I just don't know what to tell you. I wrote it in here, I think it was pretty obvious that it was going to happen, and it did. Like I said, they are not used to being a spoiler in their seasons, and usually don't blow it for another month or so, but I just have this feeling Oklahoma State will be knee deep in shit in that OU game.
6. Yay. Iverson is back in the news. My man. He is really, really, really, truly, honestly, humbly, ready to accept a reserve role on an NBA team this year. First of all, Allen, we need a season before you need to worry about this. Second, I love you, but I can't see a good team picking you up and messing with your chemistry. A bad team might do it for ticket sales. You're my boy, Blue, but I just don't see it happening. It took me a long time to own up to this as I love the guy, but sometimes when you lose a step, you can adjust your game. However, when you are undersized for one position and shoot too much for the other, then that step becomes about 3 steps. Go grab some beers with Terrell Owens, go to a strip club, and then get pulled over in one of your Lamborghini's. In the meantime though, continue to "practice." I know how much you love that aspect of the game.
7. Just in. CC Sabbathia is staying with the Yankees for some ridiculous amount of money. I have to agree with this move. Sure, they give outlandish money on free agents who raise our eyebrows and are just big names, but you know what you get with this cat. A bunch of innings, durability, 20 or so wins, and someone who knows how many World Series the Yankees have won per his recent tweet.
8. The Buffalo Bills signed Fitzpatrick. He will be pretty busy. They have also made him co-GM in their attempt at football Moneyball, given him the project of maximizing seating in their stadium, made him the point man on figuring out wind effects from Lake Erie affect field goal kicking, and tasked him with redesigning the team jet and bus to eliminate drag and save money. Good luck, bro. 48 on the Wonderlic? Pansy.
9. Andre Johnson just missed his 4th game. Passionate fantasy owners all over the nation are forming support groups to talk about when this stud is coming back. I am watching MNF. Perhaps you people are starting Jonathin Baldwin. He just scored.
10. Can we take ONE freaking day off of reporting about West Virginia, super conferences, leaving the Big East, and suing? Seriously, poor Mike Montgomery can't even get a whiff of the wire, and he had cancer surgery. Where are our priorities?
11. Brian Kelly had a nice bonehead week. Stop bitching about players not recruited by you. Are you TRYING to lose the team, which I am not even sure you have in the first place? It is freaking Notre Dame. I could go coach there and still have a top 30 recruiting class. A bad recruiting year for ND is like #18. You still have good players there, Mr. Kelly. Stop bitching, and concentrate on getting ND back in the mix. I am far from a fan, but there are certain schools being good simply make the FBS better, whether they are the loved team or the villain. Nebraska. Notre Dame. Alabama. Florida State. Miami. Just to name a few.
12. What have you done for me lately? Tashard Choice was a Godsend a year ago. The Cowboys stumble on DeMarco Murray, and now have dissed Choice. I don't know their WHOLE backfield, and maybe it was totally about money and injuries, but I would have kept that dude around. Dissing him is kind of like me throwing away my list of chick's numbers because I thought I was getting married and living happily ever after. Not a good move. Thank God for social media vehicles.
13. Even though I have no kids, no pets, and no girl, my weekends still manage to fill up pretty fast. That is the advantage of being a sports addict. Please. No contact with me AT ALL from 6-930 on Saturday for the Bama/ LSU game and 6-930 on Sunday night when my boys regulate shit against the Ravens. The Steelers game will be payback, and I feel good about it. The Bama game? Notice I am calling it the Bama game in that last sentence. Once again, that defense could line up against the Colts or Rams and be just fine. By the way, I forgot to tell you. My mom almost gave me a heart attack last week. She called me during the Steelers game. I immediately walked outside the place I was watching the game, hoping things were ok. Luckily, she was just calling me to tease me about Tebow's storybook ending, knowing it would make me nauseous. Moral of the story is that if you call me during a Steelers game, know that I will most likely think it is an emergency. By the way...
14. Tebow. You know what? I MIGHT come back to this take, but I am going to let it go for now. Between that Lions ass-kicking and the Steelers solid win while me double checking that Don Coryell wasn't suddenly the Steelers OC, it was a perfect day. Tebow mania is pretty quiet out here in D-town. Yay. John Fox says Tebow is still the starter. Of course he is. John, if you are playing 7 card stud and already raised someone with an off-suited 3 and 7, you might as well stick around for the river to make sure that straight ain't happening. Word to the wise. It ain't.
15. Incident that I am glad that I wasn't a part of. A prisoner from overseas got released in a trade. They played a joke on him and told him that the Mets won the World Series while he was in. That is really funny. I think that I would have been charged with assault if someone lied to me about my team winning a championship.
16. Maybe I am not into the spirit over the last few years, or maybe I just am tired of seeing people throw on face paint or a random top, and make me ask what the hell they are supposed to be dressed as.
17. OSU pummels K State. Enjoy the ride, boys. OU is going to pound you. By the way, RGIII, I would say that this weekend was officially the end of your Heisman run if it wasn't already done last week.
18. I went to a haunted house last week that was ranked by the Discovery Channel as the 10th best house in the nation. I was not impressed. I am starting to think that although I scream like a woman whenever a bee or wasp gets within 5 feet of me, that I am not very scarable (I don't care if that is not a word). It has a nice ring to it. Anyway, I haven't seen a scary movie since The Shining, and evidently I'm not too impressed by haunted houses. The problem is this in my opinion. I don't want wood or cloth dividers. I want a place that someone has built the scariness INTO. For example, take possession of a location that is scary at night naturally, and then build your tricks into it. Don't change a location to adapt to you ideas. By the way, how do you get the job of ranking the haunted houses for Discovery Channel? I am assuming she had to go to like 100 houses to form a large enough control group. I want that job.
19. Just saying. Kirk Herbstreit and Brent Musburger make a great team on Saturday nights. Old school and new school. Present legend with a sexual scratching hotel problem, and future legend who is oddly on my man crush list. It reminds me of The Score, one of my favorite hidden movie gems EVER. If you haven't seen it, stop reading this and go rent it. That movie was Marlon Brando, Robert DeNiro, and Edward Norton all together. GREAT heist flick.
20. Clemson is not for real. Nice knowing you, guys. Thanks for not jacking up the BCS debates at the end of the season. One less team for people to bitch about, and you now don't have to figure out how the hell to stop Kellen Moore in a bowl game.
21. Not that my schedule is really overloaded, but SO glad I took the time and watched that whole Stanford/ USC game that went to 3 overtimes. GREAT game. Stanford is the one team I see in the top ten that might match up well with...Bama (or LSU if I am wrong of course). They have a star QB and a TOUGH team with power, size, and speed. They are like Oregon last year on roids. I am not saying that they are home free by any means to get there, but USC was a huge test that they overcame.
22. Damn, Wisconsin. Embarrassing my preseason pick by losing once is bad enough, but twice in two weeks? What a time for Ohio State to show their old self? Well, their old self that still got smoked against the SEC every year.
23. Let's peruse ( I love that word) the BCS standings. LSU and Bama. They are fine right there as this weekend will clear that up. Okla St. They are good right there. They will be #2 after this week, and will be wondering what the hell hit them when OU waxes them a couple weeks down the road. Enjoy your stay. Mike Gundy is a MAN! Stanford. They are good at #4. They got by USC, but really didn't over impress anyone by their margin of victory. Boise. These guys just need ONE more good team on their schedule. Problem is? I bet they get a lot of "no's" over the last few years for home and homes. They need a lot to happen for them to get in the mix. Then we get to the usual suspect 1 loss teams. Oklahoma (wounded dog that might make it back in the mix...even though it was freaking Texas Tech at home they lost to), Arkansas (the top ten, offensive version of Penn State), Oregon (I am very impressed they are doing this with all of the injuries), South Carolina (if Garcia gets dismissed one game earlier, they are undefeated), Nebraska (that Wisconsin loss is looking less impressive every week), Clemson (pretenders evidently), and VA Tech (they do this EVERY FREAKING YEAR). Houston. Undefeated. 9 touchdowns in ONE game. I don't care WHO you are playing. 9 TD's is a LOT. He will get invited to NYC, but lose to someone who is playing a real schedule. K State. Party is over, Snyder. Still, a HELL of a job making football prominent...again. Just give him coach of the year right now. Michigan. Denard can't throw it accurately, but they are still winning. It is like figuring out if Drew Barrymore is hot or not. Penn State. Seriously, they are an enigma wrapped in a puzzle coached by one of my favorite people ever.
24. Fantasy. I am proud to say that more than half my team was on a bye this week (enough that I had to pick up Michael Jenkins AND Jason Hill just to not pull a Gene Hackman and have less players than needed. Hill got me 6.3 points), and as long as Matt Cassel does not score more than 22 points, I will win. By the way, I am pretty sure you don't read my rant, LeSean, but thanks anyway. Maybe someone will pass along my thanks.
25. Sprint Cup. Tony Stewart won. Just reporting it. You know the drill. For some reason, I want him to win though. I think I have liked him since he did both types of races in the same weekend in like 2000 or 2001. Whatever. I have nothing to say intelligent on this topic. Moving on...
26. I have a headlight out on my Jeep. I am going to try and fix it myself. If you people aren't aware of my lack of mechanical skills, I will be attempting to fix it next Saturday afternoon before the Bama game (still calling it the Bama game). It should be entertaining, I probably could sell tickets to it, and my Jeep, Eleanor, is simply praying that I somehow don't accidentally mess up the transmission or flatten a tire even though i will be nowhere near either. May the force be with me, and I hope I own a screwdriver.
27. To the guy who I sat across the table from watching the Steelers game... Hey, man, thanks for the seat, but he also said my rant was "alright." YOU try writing 30 plus takes and only check Google once or twice. Read the intro. I DON'T CARE. This rant started with an angry me writing after my broken engagement and then morphed into a mostly sports rant. It might just be "alright," but you read it, right? Know that there aren't too many people cruising around who have all of this useless sports knowledge between his ears that aren't on TV. I am like the male, sports version of Rosie Perez in White Men Can't Jump. Remember this, man. Sometimes when you win, you actually lose. Sometimes when you lose, you actually win. Sometimes when you win or lose, you actually tie. And. Sometimes when you tie, you actually win or lose. Sleep on that. Also, I do what I do best. I write rants. You do what you do best, and try and stop guys like me.
28. I like #$*&^#$^ Suh's approach. I admit it. I can't spell his name, and every time I copy and paste, it jacks up the font in my rant. Anyway, he wants a meeting with Goodell. He is being very proactive. He doesn't want to be known as a dirty player, is large enough to kill me with one leg, and I like the fact that he wants to know what he is doing wrong.
29. Of all of the college mascot ESPN commercials I have seen, I think I like the Oregon Ducks one the best. He is typing on a computer, looks out at he ducks in the pond, and sighs. Simple, to the point, and downright funny. An oldie, but still a goodie.
30. Wow. The Northeastern snow REALLY affected a lot of college football games.
31. I am need of a flowchart. A massive one, people. Derek Lowe today was traded to the Indians for a minor league pitcher. I need a flowchart to plot where the hell he has been. Also, while you are at it, could you grab me a birth certificate? Grab one for Case Keenum while you are at it. I would really appreciate it.
32. The Indians were in the news twice today. They released Randy Sizemore. Hey, Phils, do we have any more money? Can we grab him? Read my take on keeping ex's numbers again. Thanks.
33. McNabb has called the way he was treated in Washington as "disrepectful and disgraceful." I actually read the whole article. I just wanted to pass along that I saw nothing in the article about how much he sucked during his time there. Weird.
34. This is a public forum. I am presently dating a chick and we have entered "game playing" mode. Great times. You know. How many days from now should I call, another guy on her side, etc. YOU know. Anyway, I want to send her the link to the OU/ K State game, because I wonder if she knows who she is messing with if we are playing games now. So tired of games. She doesn't read my blog. We are good. If this rant suddenly goes from take 33 to 35, you know why.
35. In his new book, Shaq has said that Kobe personally tore apart the Lakers. I believe him. You might not love the guy, but if Shaq is anything, he is straight up. The guy used to have an aquarium in the back of his car. I trust him and Sir Charles for saying it like it is.
36. I am glad I am not playing against San Diego's PK.
37. Cam Newton is going to give a run at the QB record for passing yards in a season and his record is going to be like 5-11. Weird. Meanwhile, Andy Dalton is regulating. What a find that guy was.
38. I am not ignoring hockey, but we need more games for trends. My thoughts. San Jose is 6-4, but are do for a run in the next 2 weeks. If you are an oddball and bet on hockey, take San Jose and Detroit in a LOT of the next couple weeks' games. Colorado. 7-4? Take the other team in a LOT of the next couple weeks' games. Not legit. Vancouver is 5-5. They will hover. Look for a mid season run from them. They are too talented. Washington has started 7-2. This will continue. They have all the pieces. Boston is 3-7. See? THAT is what happens when you lift the Stanley Cup in the next season. Bad Karma. Ottawa is 7-5. They will also hover, make a mid season run, and are too talented to not be in the mix. AND. FINALLY. We have ONE division that is EXACTLY where it will be at season's end. Shame you can't bet on THIS. Here we go. Pitt, Philly, Rangers, Devils, and Rangers. That will stick. Pitt, Philly, and NYR will be the playoff teams from this division, in that exact order.
39. Well, under 40 takes, and that is it. I would LOVE feedback on naming these ideas something different than takes. Just in case I ever become famous, I would rather not be using Rome's terms. Feel free to respond with ideas. I think I will also be working on a new background next weekend. The View background is the clubhouse leader at this point. SO perfect. Anyway, no Lethal Weapon ending, no Brady Quinn. Let's stick with my Heat theme. "I gotta hold on to my angst. I preserve it because I need it. It keeps me sharp, on the edge, where I gotta be." Peace, people.
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