Read it, don't read it, I don't care...just needed to get some things off my chest.
In no particular order of chronology or importance...
To protect the sheep, you gotta catch the wolf, and it takes a wolf to catch the wolf.
1) The hits keep on coming. True, it is like the later installments of every movie except for The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly, Bourne, and most cartoon flicks, so it lacks a little luster. But. It still keeps the ball rolling. Ohio State football's 4th string running back Jaamal Berry (he wouldn't be much money won to be a puzzle on Wheel of Fortune) was arrested with misdemeanor assault. It doesn't matter how juicy the story is. It just means that probably Terrelle Pryor probably is texting is drinking buddy and making sure he is ok. He can use that money from the championship ring to bail him out. Nice, Buckeyes.
2) How cute? In all seriousness, after his initial showing, Carson can use all the help he can get. You might as WELL get his practice partner. I actually hope they do well together. I just want to see those funny Houshmandzadeh fantasy commercials back. It takes very little to entertain me.
3) Mitch McGary was the top rated PF basketball player for 2012 depending on which ranking you looked at. He chose Michigan over Duke and Florida. Along with the coaches coming across to him as "brothers as well as coaches," he said he also went this route because Michigan hadn't won anything lately. I understand where he is coming from. It's not like Michigan is a school that won't ever make it back to prominence, especially with the coaching staff over there, but I think he made a bad choice. Playing time at Duke, questionable right off the bat, but there are spots. I would have chose Florida. Florida is on the upswing again, and he would get LOADS of playing time right off the bat. Plus, I just don't see a power forward getting the due he should get as a banger in Beilein's system at Michigan. Your choice, dude, but I think you just went from an eventual lottery pick to a late 1st rounder. That is some serious cash.
4) I have chosen my new dumb phrase to say and irritate everyone. I am proud to say I am getting it from Stewie on Family Guy. When someone says something funny or correct, I will now say " Spot on. Spot on."
5) Article that I didn't open, because I was too busy chuckling at the headline. "Pacman Jones at peace with his Titan years." I think Mike Tyson is at peace with biting Holyfield's ear, Van de Velde is at peace with the 18th hole of the British Open, and Lawrence Phillips is at peace with...well, I can't list all of these possibilities, so I will just move on.
6) Once all of the freaking super conferences are done drafting teams like a really drunk fantasy football draft session, are they reconvening to rename everything. Boise to the Big East? They are in Idaho! Someone pass me a freaking United States map. Did I also see SMU as a possible? Did they make a cargo Airwolf I am not aware of to transport these kids? WTF? More proof that these alignments are ALL about football. The Big East is allowing Syracuse and Pitt to leave for the ACC, WVA is leaving, and they pick up Boise football only, along with whatever teams this pans out to be. Point is this. The Big East was dominating people in basketball two years ago. Now, they allow 2.5 heavyweights go, and pick up a good football program that is two (or three?) timezones away. I wouldn't even talk about this stuff, as it irritates me, but it is like watching CSI Miami. It is SO bad in quality, that it actually ends up being funny as hell.
7) The Heisman is Andrew Luck's to lose. He got past one test that didn't hurt him in USC, Kellen Moore doesn't have the competition to really make a run if Luck doesn't lose anymore. Case Keenum needs to AVERAGE the 9 TD's he threw last week to move up. Trent Richardson. I am going to say this. LISTEN to me, Trent. I personally think you can WIN the Heisman this weekend. LSU is a proven, ridiculous defense. You break a few big ones and put up big numbers in THIS game, and I think not only can you get your tickets for NYC, but you can start doing rough drafts of your speech. Stay focused, bro. I am rooting for you.
8) The MOOPS award for people living in a bubble evidently. The LSU locker room. Shortly after Michael Oher was baffled when asked about Steve Jobs and didn't know who he was, Sam Montgomery accidentally one upped his teammate. Big time. He was asked about Bear Bryant and also was baffled. He admitted he thought they were discussing an Bama player. Even people who saw FORREST GUMP and don't follow sports know who Bryant is. Dude.
9) Since we were all waiting for his huge breakout season since he had been a controversial backup for so long, I thought I would let you know it looks like Kevin Kolb is out this week. That's why I make sure I deliver you all of the big news here. Hey, Kevin, since you can't play, can you text me and let me know why we don't pronounce the "l?" I just don't get it. I was going to put 3 or 4 "l" words that I think he lacks, but I diverted myself. Even I would recognize how bad of joke that would be. As Dennis Leary once said, "because you have to have goals."
10) UConn has done nothing like Ohio State or Miami football, but does anyone else feel like there might be some shady shit going on up there? Ryan Boatwright is the latest shady story. Could be bad eligibility. He is just the backup point guard, and Lamb and Drummond still make this team strong, but seriously? After a couple times, a pattern becomes a pattern, or however the hell the cliche goes.
11) This new movie "Immortals." I am not looking it up. Just curious. Is this 300 Part 2, pre-300, or do the guys in the previews just coincidentally look a lot like the 300 opponents? So confused.
12) Lane Kiffin is fined 10K for his rant on the refs. He might recruit well, but does anyone else just get the feeling that he is an idiot? An idiot. I can't say that I have seen one story or interview where anything he does has impressed me. He is like an angry Kurt Rambis...just along for the ride. Except, Kiffin hasn't won anything. He would look good in those plastic glasses and knee pads though.
13) The beaten Giants fan wrote his name today. Damn, I hope that dude ends up ok in the long run. Fans that cross the line make me so angry and I wish him and his family well.
14) I love how they are now talking possible Mayweather/ Pacquiao for May 5th, but they don't mention how any of the previous hurdles are going to be overcome. That is like saying Whitesnake is playing at MSG, but not explaining how they are suddenly able to sell tickets. Tawny, where are you? More information, please. By the way, if it happens, even if you don't love boxing like me, watch it. Get babysitters, fork over the cash, invite friends over or go to a bar that has it, and make it a night. That will be one hell of a show. The fighting technique will lure back so many fans into reminding them how great of sport it is, and just how we are stuck with idiots in the sport over the last 10 years (that is being nice).
15) Speaking of boxing, how about this? I am not going to make the effort or fork over the $19.95 (not when I can get those 4 cool things that can move a car according to the infomercial for that same amount), but if the Bama game was not on, if I had nothing else to do, if I didn't want to leave my house, and if I lived in a bubble, I would DEFINITELY check out the Jose Canseco/ Lenny Dykstra boxing match this Saturday. Sounds fun to watch. Sunday morning I will be looking for how to get my hands on it.
16) Poor Butler basketball. They lose TWO straight national championship games (feels just WEIRD writing that line), lose their glue guy and leadership, get shit for starting slow the last two years when they were SUPPOSED to be good, and now they get pub for losing their opener to Division II Northern St. Cut these guys a break.
17) Amy Trask is taking over for Al Davis as owner of the Raiders. Damn. Sub in an "h" for that "k," and we have a few decades of more easy Raider jokes.
18) How can you not love Peyton Manning? Very rarely does he get fired up. So, when he does, you pay more attention, right? His last fired up moment was "idiot kicker" episode. That was awesome. Google it if you don't remember that one. Today, he took a jab at Phil Simms. Breaking this down... No one watches Phil Simms show. Phil Simms says that there is no way Peyton ALLOWS them to take Andrew Luck (after saying that Luck "can't make all of the throws"-what the hell is he watching?). Peyton fires back, basically saying he doesn't pay attention to Phil Simms. Just weird dialogue. I think this is all stupid, but this is more proof that when you win two Super Bowls as a QB and you actually sucked pretty much your entire career, you think you can say pretty much anything. Think of it this way. Trent Dilfer got one ring. He is normal and intelligent on ESPN. If he would had gotten two rings, we would have created a monster.
19) I am so confused as to why no one has given Ryne Sandberg a shot as a manager. No idea. Class act, Hall of Famer, been practicing managing, lots of clubs needing a change, multiple openings, etc. What the hell do we NOT know about this guy? Give him a shot. The Red Sox are interviewing a guy named Sveum, and Sandberg can't get a sniff.
20) Epstein is debating on bringing in Francona as Cubs manager. DO IT. Don't interview ANYONE else. This is storybook. Can you imagine the storylines if Theo did indeed build a good team, Francona was his manager, and they played the Red Sox in the World Series? Hell, I might not even root for the Phils if that story was tracking. That would be EPIC. True type of epic, not Canseco/ Dykstra epic.
21) Big news. He is only a reserve, but I am adding a person to my "team." The obvious people are starters. Owens, Ocho, Artest, Stephenson, and Janikowski. Kenny Britt is still the first person off the bench. Manny starts depending on the matchup. However, I would like to bolster our bench. Diego Maradona and Jennifer Capriati are getting old and out of their prime. Jeremy Mayfield, you have accumulated enough drug charges that I am proud to welcome you. Playing time might be limited, as the starters are pretty consistent, but go out and get a statutory rape charge or drunken driving arrest, and I will be happy to re-evaluate. Him being a NASCAR driver, I was worried about chemistry with the rest of the players, but Jennifer Capriati talked me into trying it.
22) I was sad to hear that Bubba Smith was found to die by drug intoxication. I was also sad that I don't remember ever hearing that term. I thought you overdosed on drugs and got intoxicated on alcohol. Did I miss the bulletin? Is this like the FBS bulletin that I was out of it for? Moving on...
23) It's not so fun when the rabbit has the gun...
24) I have figured out why I feel so young and sometimes act like a child even though I am a grown man. It is because of Hulk Hogan. He just released another wrestling game. See? He was releasing new wrestling games when I was like 9. As long as Hulk Hogan keeps releasing wrestling games, I will feel great forever. I feel like sending him multi-vitamins and a fruit basket.
25) I am sad because I have just been informed that my favorite sports magazine is going to once a month. This is bullshit. I am programmed to get excited once every two weeks when I get my mail. I love Sporting News. I even have to pace myself, because I have to watch reading it too fast and not spacing out the issues. Once a month? This is like adjusting to getting paid once a month. It sucks. These better be some HUGE FREAKING issues, Sporting News.
26) I have ESPN on in the background while I am writing this. I was just informed that the NASCAR racetrack this week has a groovy, bumpy track. How the hell is a professional track bumpy? I see local parking lots put new asphalt or blacktop or whatever the hell they use ALL the time. They can't redo a track that is used once or twice a year? Would a driver say that it is that track's personality? Explain.
27) You know you won 6 championships in 8 years and the two you didn't was because you were trying baseball when...there is a story on the wire about your decision to skip attending the President's Cup because of the NBA lockout. Thanks for the info, MJ, and sorry it jacked up your plans.
28) In Twitter news, the Miami Heat owner was fined 500k for lockout tweets made to fans in a conversation. I thought this story was going to be funny at the expense of the Heat, and I do understand WHY he had to be fined, but check out his 7 word tweet. Pretty cool. " You are barking at the wrong owner."
29) HOLY SHIT! For the first time in like 15 years, I have clicked on MTV. I AM WATCHING MTV! Even though there are no videos on there. You know why? Beavis and Butthead is on. When the hell did they come back? Right on. Spot on. Spot on. I will move on, but just want to say I hope their little neighbor with the Winger shirt stops by. They dissed air time for Real World and Road Rules for this? I have struck gold. huh-huh-huh...huh-huh-huh...They are presently asking a father for his daughter's hand...and not in marriage. Sorry, it is really funny.
30) Back to business. I love free agency in MLB. Especially this year. Here is why.
-Pujols and Fielder. Usually for this quality of free agent, we would just expect the usual suspects to be involved. Not this year. Gonzalez, Howard, and Teixeira. All first baseman. Spot filled. So, it makes where they go more interesting. You KNOW Pujols is gone because of Josey Wales and LaRussa retiring. Fielder? I think he is quite aware at this point that he needs a team with a little more pitching. He is out of there.
-Papelbon: Stay. You are an idiot if you leave that town. You are not even that good these days.
-Ortiz: Stay. Same as above.
-Francisco Rodriguez: Leave. I still think you have starting stuff. If a team doesn't think you do, throw a ball at them with that funky motion and then go punch them in the face with the hand with the ring on it.
-Reyes: Leave, but I really don't care what you do. You are a headcase. Go call someone from my "team" and go to a strip club. Call Mayfield to come pick you up at the bar when you are shit-faced.
-CJ Wilson: Talk about NOT pick your own ending books, this guy's life would be totally changed had Texas been able to sign Cliff Lee.
-Rollins: No way he leaves that sick pitching staff and that underachieving lineup. He should call Jayson Worth. How did THAT work out for you, Jayson?
There are more, but we only have so much time in this rant.
31) I bet you Rory McIlroy would trade his Golfer of the Year trophy for that Master's victory any day of the week. You and Greg Norman can both have a pity party drinking night.
32) McCourt is going to sell the Dodgers. I thought he was selling that like 7 months ago.
33) I think these NBA lockout meetings aren't working because they keep scheduling them on weekends. The next ones are this Saturday. I am sure all of these class act athletes in the NBA are working out, but something tells me they still say TGIF and go do drugs, get hookers...ummm...I mean go to clubs. I wouldn't agree to a hard cap with a hangover either.
34) The Democrats have "urged" baseball to adopt HGH testing. PLEASE make this a presidential debate question. PLEASE.
35) I have neglected to have a Seinfeld reference in this rant. That is absolutely amazing. I will at least report that I am happy that Comcast has ROTATING Seinfeld on-demand shows on. It took me a while to venture there and find it, but I am happier and now can go to bed on time with my necessary Seinfeld episodes. I am better now.
36) FBS picks:
-USC -22 away at CO: wounded animal, too much talent theory
-Miami -15.5 home against Duke: they saw the tape of Duke's last game. They will not underestimate them
-Nebraska -18 at home against Northwestern: Did I just pick Nebraska? ewww... Must be solid then...
-Oklahoma -14 at A&M: OU will continue their run, and A&M is just a large speedbump, not a wall
-Bama -5 at home against LSU: sticking to my guns, and think they will win by 10 points
-Notre Dame -14 at Wake: Notre Dame is now rolling, Wake is a proven pretender
-Stanford -21.5 at Oregon St.: Luck got past the big test, and now Oregon St. is his bitch as he tries to win the Heisman
36) NCAA Preseason Final Four:
-UNC: too much freaking talent to not make it
-OSU: Sullinger coming back is Jerry McGuire's theme-like. He completes them
-Duke: I just hope all three Plumlees are on the floor a lot...I like confused announcers.
-Baylor: still concerned about guard play, but they are loaded everywhere else with NBA talent
-I like Vandy or the Cuse as replacements to Baylor if Baylor's guards fail to impress me
SLEEPERS to win two games: Creighton and George Mason
37) I am not guaranteeing it, I am just backing up what I said earlier in the season when discussing the Packers' schedule. I think this SD game is dangerous. They are all headcases, true, but it is at Qualcomm, they have the talent, and they are pissed about the KC game.
38) I am out. Talk to you next week. Remember, it's not what you know, it's what you can prove. Peace.
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