Wheels and Cheese

Read it, don't read it, I don't care...just needed to get some things off my chest.


In no particular order of chronology or importance...


(For those of you who say my rants are just too long, I am sorry ahead of time.  Different strokes for different folks.  Some people rent condos in Vail on their birthday, and some people go get McDonalds once the breakfast menu turns over, set up camp on their couch for blogging and the LSU/ Arkansas game with college basketball on the flipper, go play two hours of Golden Tee, and then go to a place that has lifesize Jenga (with a solid chance that kareoke involved somehow)...what can I say?  It sounds like a great day to me.)


PLENTY to get to with PLENTY of time...


1)  Greetings and salutations.  Live side note.  I am presently watching the end of the Minnesota/ Indiana State basketball game.  Remember the name Jake Odum.  I have watched most of this game and this kid has skills.  This is the same rant that said back in the day that Davidson was going to beat Wisconsin one year, Cornell was making the sweet 16 one year, and a little further back that Gordon Hayward was going to explode in his junior year.  Kid was about 2 inches away from being a household name.  Moving on.


2)  I get this whole changing conferences thing.  I get it.  However, don't tell me you can't take off a directional school from your schedule and still have time to keep rivalries alive.  It is weird today not watching Nebraska/ Colorado.  Instead they are forcing new rivalries on us.  Nebraska/ Iowa?  CU/  Utah?  Doesn't jive with me personally.  It is like Brett Favre doing Gap commercials.


3)  The Packers/ Lions game was odd.  For those who missed it, you saw the score and just saw what everyone expected.  It was an odd game though.  The Lions played them GREAT in the first half.  Lots of penalties and turnovers did them in.  They went into the half down 7-0.  When the second half started, you just had the feeling that they had their shot to shut down Aaron Rodgers.  Personally, if I had to pick an early play that swayed Cousin Mo, it was the tipped INT.  It is one thing to go against the unbeaten defending champions.  It is a whole different thing to know that luck is against you also.  By the way Mr. Suh, you were pushed?  I think not.  Just own up to it.  Just say it was stupid and you lost your head.  I would respect you more because of it.  You were pushed?  And I am sure that chick really was all into relations with Big Ben too...(see?  I can crack on my own boys.  I spread my sarcasm around)


4)  Dallas/ Miami.  Romo throws 2 early picks and still they are in the game.  Miami gave them hell, but Dallas pulls it out.  Two things. If I got into a fight in the alley, I am pretty sure I would give DeMarcus Ware a call.  Two.  I respect the hell out of what they are doing down in Miami.  Four weeks ago, they were contenders for Andrew Luck.  Now, NO ONE wants ANY part of them.  They are out-manned talent wise, but are BALLING.


5)  SF/ Baltimore.  Heavyweight game.  Another one of those games where some people say it is ugly and others say it is a defensive masterpiece.  I am with the latter point.  Know that I also have NO problem if a LSU/ Bama rematch goes down.  I want to see that "boring" game again.  Other note on the Baltimore game.  It was just plain weird seeing Lewis on the sideline.  Big win for them against a quality opponent?  Sure.  Big win even more because their leader was out?  Huge.


6)  Hey.  At halftime shows of big football games, what do the people on the other side of the stage see?  I feel bad for all of those huge Nickelback fans for got seats on the wrong side of the stage.  In the later game, that guy from the Dr. Pepper commercial came out and rapped with that other guy Iglesias (I am NOT wasting time looking up his spelling).  Who is that shaved head short guy with sunglasses with a soul patch?  He is one of those famous people that I have NO idea of what he sings.  He just keeps popping up.


7)  Slippery slope and THEN some.  Kyle Vanden Bosch got tagged with a personal foul hitting Aaron Rodgers.  Ridiculous.  This protecting the QB is getting way out of hand.  The hit was clean.  It was on time.  You CAN'T throw those penalties.  Those guys' entire life revolves around getting to the QB.  They finally do against one of the best, and they flag him?  What made it worse was that Rodgers looked up at the ref for a call on the very next play on another great pressure hit.  Glad they didn't call that one.  Hey, when they review plays that involve Rodgers, do they call it the "discount double-check?"


8)  Why did all of these people predict Orton was going to the Bears?  Sure, it was a good fit, but waiver wires go bottom up.  That is a LOT of teams he has to make it through to make it to the Bears.  The Chiefs are a great fit for him.  Cassel is out, they are not too far out of their absolutely sad division race, Palko sucks evidently, and now Orton has the joy of being in another QB controversy next year without going against some dude who has a verb made out of his last name, who the nation has fallen in love with, who can't throw a tight spiral to save his life, and who has Fusaichi Pegasus's daughter named after him (SERIOUSLY-LOOK IT UP).  At least now I am one pulled hammy from my fellow church goer, Brady Quinn, taking over the team.  More importantly, they can bring back those EAS commercials and people will once again laugh when I leave somewhere or pay someone and say "NOW, I'm done."


9)  I hear the Muppets movie is coming out.  In this time of every freaking thing being remade in every which way possible since we are evidently out of ideas, is it me or does this just seem a little late? Thought they would have covered this a LONG time ago.


10)  Ryan Braun wins the NL MVP.  I think Kemp had a great season, but I think this is the right call.  He would have won it by more if not for splitting votes with Prince Fielder, but of course he wouldn't be in the conversation without playing in the same lineup as Fielder.  The classic catch 22.  Anyway, notice this.  Both MVP's were in the playoffs.  It takes a pretty weak field to win it without being in the playoffs (MEMO to you, Alex Rodriguez...doper).  Verlander and Braun in the playoffs.  Second place Kemp and Ellsbury not in the playoffs.


11)  Nadal losing to my personally called next tennis superstar, Jo-Wilfried Tsonga?  Not surprising.  Nadal getting SMOKED 6-3 6-0 by Federer?  Very surprising.  Nadal is evidently taking the Tiger Woods early 2000's approach and not giving a shit about anything but the Grand Slam tournaments.  I am telling you, people.  Tsonga is going to be a household name within a year.  He can play all of the surfaces too, along with being a much better athlete than pretty much the entire rest of the field.  Since Andy Murray still hasn't won a Grand Slam, I guess this means I will be batting .500 in my gutsy tennis calls with this win.


12)  DeAngelo Hall says to the media that he should be cut.  In a related story, it appears that the entire Redskins roster said the exact same thing-there just weren't mic's around.  (Sorry, Scott, for cutting down your Skins again)


13)  Urban Meyer recently was spotted in Mississippi at a high school football field.  Apparently, in handling his possible hire to Ohio State, he has hired Brett Favre as a consultant to help him start rumors.


14)  In my "how the hell did you make the wire for two straight days?" story, Besiktas is trying to sign Lamar Odom.  The only interesting part of the whole story is that it is the same team that Deron Williams is already on.  Bring in the triangle offense while you are at it.  Will Perdue, are you in shape?


15)  Schaub is on the IR, Kellen Clemens has been brought on board for a backup, and Matt Leinart is making the first of several starts for the team where his performance will have a direct correlation with these rants.  Hey, Matt.  I am taking a leap of faith.  You are my fantasy QB now.  Bring it, dude, or my wrath in this thing on you will be fierce.  


16)  Apparently, the lifting the Stanley Cup over you head once the season starts vex only lasts for 15 games or so.  The Bruins are 13-7.  Wow, that was a quick curse.


17)  NBA talks resume, and we are about to lose Christmas games.  Meanwhile, MLB talks are done and they are all set.  Here is what you need to know.
-it is good through 2016
-there is now HGH testing, but it is not random or unannounced (uhhh...good job?)
-Houston is now in the AL (ya bastards)
-there are now 10 postseason teams (idiots)
-video review is now expanded to foul and fair balls and trap calls (and games just got 10 minutes longer for you east coast people)
-the minimum salary is $480,000 (hey, parents, go buy a bat and ball for little Jimmy-looks like a good career choice)


18)  Useless tidbit if you weren't already aware.  Before this LSU/Arkansas game, the top 3 spots in the BCS are not only all from the SEC, but all the same DIVISION.  Wow.  I would say to tell your friends, but by the time this goes public that stat will not be true anymore.


19)  I am not looking this up.  I would rather be embarrassed in public.  I have never seen any of the Lord of the Rings.  On Colbert Report, the guy from those movies said he was going to be in the new Hobbit movie next year.  Ummm.  How do I say this?  Uhhh.  I am just going to spit it out.  I thought the Lord of the Rings WAS the hobbit movie.  So confused.


20)  Grady Sizemore gets signed for $5 mil for the Indians.  That is a lot of trust in someone coming off an injury riddled season.  Just saying.  I hope you flop a nut straight.  (relax.  that is a movie reference and not a sexual innuendo)


21)  A homeless man breaks into Kenny Williams, the GM for the White Sox, and cooks himself a pizza and starts broiling a lobster.  That is awesome.  At least this guy makes himself comfortable and announces to the world he is trespassing.  He is smarter than that guy who got busted for robbery.  He was caught because he forgot to log out of Facebook.


22)  Commercial review.  I still love the State Farm guy, but I like two others also.  I like the AT&T one where the boss is telling everyone what to do, like go play golf, keep listening to Pandora, and ignore him while setting his fantasy lineup.  I also like the Under Armour commercial with the basketball players training.  Badass.


23)  My friends know that Kyle Kuric from Louisville basketball is hands down my favorite player right now.  I love the guy.  Last year, when I told a buddy about him and to watch him, Kuric got hot down the stretch and just started busting out for national ears.  Anyway, he is back again this year, but that is not the cool part.  He is paying his own way so as to allow Louisville an extra scholarship for a player. Awesome for him and his family.  Good call, too.  He probably knows they are one breakout player away from a trip to New Orleans.


24)  Speaking of New Orleans, check this out.  Carolina fans, you should feel pretty good right now.  You are preseason #1, you LOOK like you are #1, and the Final Four is in New Orleans.  You also won in '82 and '93 at the same location.  Good karma for you all.


25)  The Margarito/ Cotto fight is a go.  This will be fantastic boxing, people.  Check it out when it happens.  These are a couple guys that make the term "sweet science" legit.  I am kind of bummed that it will  not be in Denver as it looked like it might be, but excited nevertheless.  If only my gym would put up the replacement heavy bag for the one I broke a couple weeks ago, I would be really happy.


26)  BYU pulls out of the Big East offer.  Word is that they were already tired of traveling east each time to negotiate the deal.  Way to look out for travel costs and your kids.


27)  I watched UCLA play the other night (actually I have pretty much seen one game by a lot of teams at this point).  First, let's talk about who two of their guys WOULD be playing for this year.  The poor man's version of the Lopez twins.  The dude version of the Burge twins (look it up-I am not explaining).  The Wear brothers would be on UNC.  Wow.  Can you imagine?  That would have been sick.  They would have needed two basketballs or two courts.  They would have solved one problem for UNC...the only one.  Shooting.  Those tall dudes can flat out shoot the rock.  Word is they got homesick/ saw the recruiting class that Roy was bringing in.  You pick your own story.  I guess they are like the twin, poor man's version of the Plumlee brothers.  ANYWAY.  How the HELL is UCLA not decent?  They got beat by Middle Tennessee State I believe (lots to get to-not looking it up-just go with the idea that it was a directional school).  They have Lamb (another one, not related to the badasses at UCONN and UK), Joshua Smith (the guy who is taking Oliver Miller to another level), Nelson (how many of these brothers are there...or is this the same guy and he is 27 years old because of all of his transfers), a multiple Final Four coach, some decent recruiting classes, and the Wear brothers.  Non Sequitur.


28)  One more thing about UCLA.  Remember this name, people.  Kyle Anderson.  He is going to be at UCLA next year.  Depending on which publication you read, he is a top 3 recruit coming out of the powerhouse St. Anthony's next year.  He is 6'8".  He plays what position?  Point guard.  He is going to be fun to watch.  He is still working on his shooting, but right now, so I guess he is a 6'8" version of Jacque Vaughn/ Jamal Tinsley (I still think they are the same person-it is complicated).


29)  The Duke/ Michigan Maui game was ok, but it was obvious in the different levels of talent.  Michigan has some decent shooters, and of course Tim Hardaway impressed me, but they are still two levels behind.  When I see Zack Novak guarding the opposing team's power forward, I know that something got overlooked in the recruiting visits.  The dude is like 6'4".  He plays with the heart of Brian Cardinal (that is a good thing by the way) but is coming up to the chest of most players he is guarding.


30)  Holy shit, what a game.  Arkansas goes up 14-0.  Cousin Mo is all with them.  It is now, 10 minutes later real time, and it is all squared up.  Crazy shit.  See?  I am blogging and watching this fantastic game.  It is a fantastic birthday.


31)  Back to Maui.  I had to do my "live" update.  The Duke/ Kansas game was awesome.  It really doesn't matter if one team or the other is reloading.  They will always have top tier talent at both schools.  It showed.  The game was top level.  Very close to the end with the right team winning-Duke.  They are the not reloading team presently. I like Duke this year, but I still think that the teams higher than them are still more complete, from level to level.  By the way, every time I watch the Maui tourney, I want to go to Maui.  Go figure.  Also, I want to go to Maui to shoot on those rims.  I saw two or three "shooter's touch" shots that wouldn't go down in a normal gym.  Those rims give like my backyard court did.  Maybe that is why I thought I was better than I was.


32)  One other thing on Maui.  I LOVED seeing a couple kids do the sky hook.  It is the most indefensible move ever invented in basketball.  Hey, kids.  You might get laughed at using it initially and it might not be "cool," but use it.  You will look pretty cool a couple years down the line when UNC and Duke are smiling at you and your parents in recruiting visits.  SOMEONE bring it back.  I am too old.  I have a bad knee.  SOMEONE bring that move back.  It shouldn't appear odd to anyone that the most points scored in the history of the NBA were from someone using that move.


33)  I don't know why, and I am still a fan of the original kind, but wheels and cheese have now overtaken regular macaroni and cheese as one of my favorite dishes.  Don't worry, Gatorade.  The same thing won't happen to you.  None of these crazy flavors will EVER approach your fruit punch or lemon lime.  I know, I know.  My temporary grape flavor addiction made you nervous, but I am yours forever.


34)  Yannick Noah speaks out about the Spaniards drug usage in tennis.  Dude, I watched you play way back when.  I look back and just assume you were on drugs most of the time.  Yeah, I know, he is talking about performance enhancing and I am talking about fun stuff, but I just think...whatever that glass houses/ stones cliche is phrased. Yup.


35)  My buddy, Jason, and I were talking about his day.  He mentioned the pain of going to Walmart for his first time in a while, and then how he went to play games at Dave and Buster's.  He successfully did not walk out of there with a 1800 ticket toaster that would ironically would have cost him $10 at Walmart.  Anyway, my addition to the story was the following.  I suggested that if he threw in a trip to the DMV, he would have had an "I am in touch with America" day.


36)  Hello, Case McCoy and Jaxon Shipley.  You guys can start acting like your older brothers any day now.  No rush, just saying...


37)  Wow.  Pain.  Texas A&M has had a crazy season.  They are so close to having one loss all season and being in the BCS talk, but instead they have 6 losses by a total of THIRTY THREE points.  Hey, at least you didn't blow another double digit lead against Texas.  You were only up NINE points at halftime. Geez.  Are there lap dances by girls going on in that halftime chat, Mike?


38)  We have a Hawaii football update.  Don't skim ahead.  I really have an update.  Someone noticed that they have lost with the spread in play for two straight months.  They are now being investigated for point shaving.  I really have no joke on this one.  I really just liked the term point shaving.  Moving on if you haven't already...


39)  I am going to go on record and say that I think that Frank Gore is the best blocking back in the NFL.  I noticed several times where he made a huge block, and only saw one big miss on a play.  On that play, he did block a Raven, but chose the wrong one...give him a break, he had to pick ONE of them.  As Yogi Berra said, when you come to the fork in the road, take it.  Me complimenting him has NOTHING to do with the fact that he only got 5 points for my opposing player in fantasy.  Swear.


40)  I might make fun of the whole rap...uhhh...sexual assault situation, but Ben is a football stud.  Broken finger, no problem.  He is playing.  Dude might have a love for college bars and bad hearing, but he is truly a baller.


41)  Either the announcer was drunk or hadn't done his homework, but Laurent Robinson's first name is not pronounced like it looks.  I want to assemble a panel to find out the real answer.  He will be second on the list after we untangle the Dirk Nowitzi enigma.


42)  Rex Ryan is so funny.  Seriously.  Word got out that he started Brunell with the first team during practice this week.  Usually, he verbally SAYS funny stuff, and now he is telling non verbal jokes.  I think that I would like to have some beers with that guy.  Call me, Rex.


43)  Has anyone been more under the radar than the Georgia Bulldogs football team.  The other division has gotten all of the hype.  Meanwhile, the Bulldogs are just chilling over there after winning like 9 straight after losing their first 2 games.  They can really mess EVERYTHING up if they pull some magic in the SEC Championship.


44)  You know I already love Jay Bilas as a basketball analyst.  He is my Kirk Herbstreit of basketball.  Anyway, he said something at the Maui tourney that almost made me roll of my couch.  Bill Rafferty made a reference to Bernard King.  Bilas responded by saying," I'm impressed, Bill, that you made a reference to someone that is actually still alive."  Awesome.


45)  Seth Curry is starting out this season on fire.  In case you people don't understand where this guy came from, he is indeed the brother of Stephen Curry (and if you don't know who HE is, then you might be reading the wrong blog), and the son of Del Curry (old school, and someone you might take #1 if you were playing a game of HORSE).  He transferred from Liberty University a couple years ago.    If anyone has kids trying to learn how to shoot, have them watch him ball.  Beautiful jumpshot.


46)  I told you before.  I stay away from hockey initially not because I don't want to talk about it.  I stay away because it takes this long for the cream to rise to the top.  Take a look at the divisions and you will see what I mean.
-NW: Minnesota, Edmonton, and Vancouver.  This is right, except for Vancouver will be up top by the end of the season.  Think of this like the AFC West in football, except that this division has a talented team-Vancouver. 
-Central: Chicago, Nashville, Detroit.  I could see this end exactly in this order, with all three joining the playoffs.
-Pacific:  San Jose.  I am only mentioning these guys, as take it as a given that they win this one
-Atlantic:  Pitt, Philly.  This entire division is STILL aligned the exact way it will be at season's end.  Read my earlier rant, when I reference this.  Pitt, Philly, Rangers, Devils, Islanders.  This division has not changed a bit.
-NE: Boston, Toronto. The vex is over for Boston, and Toronto is good
-SE: Florida, Washington.  Yup.  I think this will flip flop, but these are the players in this division


47)  I am not going to look this up, but I saw a commercial where these crazy scientists who don't think that sharks mean to attack humans are going to jump in shark infested waters without protection or cages.  And it is going to be live.  I suddenly feel like I just saw a commercial for the Blair Witch Project back in the day and wanted to buy in, because there is NO way this is happening.  Is this for real?  I would feel weird watching it.  Would it be like watching a NASCAR race?  As I wait for crashes in the three partial races I have ever seen, would I root for someone to get attacked?  So confused how I feel about this.


48)  You doubt my Matt Leinart pick up in fantasy?  Quick.  Tell me the only team in the NFL ranked #1 or #2 in both offense and defense.  Houston.


49)  Which team has fights in the locker room between the defense and offense?  Jacksonville.  They are #3 in defense and last in offense.  This is even more impressive as the defense is on the field longer because the offense sucks so much.


50)    My thoughts go out to the fallen TE from Arkansas.  Maybe that is why I oddly find myself rooting for Arkansas in this game.  Much love.  To die that young, tragic.  


51)  The NFL might expand its Thursday package.  STOP.  Take a deep breath.  Don't change anything.  Everything is perfect just as it is.  Don't give me multiple games on a school night.  I have a hard enough time with the double Monday night thing you started a couple years ago.


52)  Jim Boeheim continues to support Fine in the child sexual abuse allegations.  I don't know anything.  I don't.  But, you know what?  I believe that he had a man to man conversation with Fine already, and the fact that he is proactively doing this?  I believe Fine is innocent.


53)  I saw Carl Lewis on a pregame show the other day?  IS it bad that every time I see him, I think more about his botched Star Spangled Banner than his ridiculously great performance in all of the Olympic Games.  Don't answer that question.  Moving on.


54)  I get warm and fuzzy thinking about all of these college basketball stars coming back to play this year.  This year is going to be fancy.  Sullinger?  Barnes?  Jones?  The rest of the UNC studs?  The Vandy conglomerate?  I am sure a couple of them were worried about the lockout, but most of them came back for great reasons.  Hey, Derrick Williams.  In the words of Joey from friends, how YOU doing?


55)  I am not commenting on Sandusky this week.  We all need a break. UGGHHH.


56)  Sign that these rants are way too long...I had to reboot my wireless like 20 minutes ago.  In case you are curious, it lasts for three hours. Wow.


57)  Pivotal play.  Les Miles goes for one of his famous fourth down calls and Arkansas gets called for offsides.  Don't be stupid, Arkansas.


58)  Yes, I am aware that there have been no Seinfeld references.  Oh, I guess that was a reference right there.  Cool.  Covered.  Actually, on my re-read, I mentioned bastards in take 17.  Double covered.


59)  FBS picks:
-USC -16 at home against UCLA:  Are you a believer yet?
-Stanford -7.5 at home against ND:  Playing for the Heisman, guys.
-Mich St. -7 at Northwestern: Bet the house.  Alright, don't bet the house.  It is not a good plan, but I like it.  A lot.
-Penn St. +14.5 at Wisconsin:  I don't know much, but I know that Penn State plays everyone, good and bad, close.  I hear they are going to continue to run the Bobcat.  Lol.
-Vandy -1.5 at Wake:  Really?  Wake has already come back down to earth, people
-Mich -7.5 at home against Ohio State:  They will win by 14.  Book it.
-BET I CAN'T TELL YOU OFFICIALLY TO TAKE:  VA Tech -5 at UVA.  I want to win.  I just think we will lose by 7-10 points.  You didn't hear it from me, but take VA Tech.


60)  We are at 60 takes.  I WAS going to do a full time breakdown of the top 15 in college bball.  I will put you out of your misery and wait until Monday.  I am going to enjoy the rest of my birthday.  As one shepherd said to the other shepherd, let's get the flock out of here.  Peace.