Read it, don't read it, I don't care...just needed to get some things off my chest.
In no particular order of chronology or importance...
Missed one on blog...I am bursting with a LOT of things. Let's get to it-no time to waste. My boss told me to only pick the good ideas on my list...naahhhh...THAT's not a rant...
(ok...focus, Fillerbuster. There is no way you are getting to all of this stuff with normal size takes...QUICK takes...you can do it...)
1) They did a survey. They got an answer. Dale Earnhardt is still the most popular NASCAR driver. No joke on this, just reporting it. Plus, it throws you off a little that I would start with this and proves that this is truly in no particular order of importance.
2) We still have to have one more idiotic incident and do some more background checking, but we might have a new addition to my special team. This is a good thing. Owens doesn't even have a team right now, so we need a sub. Rolando McClain, you are in, bro. Dude got busted this week with assault, firearms, etc. (isn't the first two enough?). This incident alone would not qualify you. However, you play for the Raiders (making you a natural fit) and still have an outstanding lawsuit for intentionally running over someone...twice. We are happy to have you on the team. Make us proud. DeShawn has to go back to work. We need PLAYERS.
3) Danny Ainge has let the media know they "love" Rondo. So, all of these rumors every year must all be bogus, right? That poor guy. All he does is help them win a championship, keep three Hall of Famers happy, and shows us what a truly pass first PG is, and he is a trade rumor a minute.
4) Hey. Bet you never saw this coming. The Vikings waive McNabb. Cue Boys to Men, Donovan, and go have a beer with your college target, Marvin Harrison.
5) The sky is blue, and the grass is green. AND. They were also those colors about a year ago when everyone and their mother saw this coming. I wasn't public yet, but can provide documented proof that I guaranteed this was going to happen, even though I wasn't exactly splitting the atom in my prediction. It came out today that Chris Paul is asking for a trade to the Knicks. It will be confusing for Amare and Melo though initially, because Paul DOES play some defense. He could wreck their entire philosophy over there.
6) Rich Rodriguez ran around in his first few days as Arizona's new head coach. When asked, he said he was just showing everyone the kind of QB he was looking for in the high school domain.
7) UK-UNC Saturday. Wow. That is going to be fun. If you are about to skip ahead because you don't care much about basketball, just know this. If you have to pick one early game to catch this season, that is the one. It is on a SATURDAY. You might as well watch it. Not too many times when you can watch a game where MOST times, not some, MOST times there will be at least 5 total future NBA players on the floor. At UNC, I would take UNC. Neutral court, I would take UNC. At UK, give me UK by 4 points.
8) I made a joke in my last rant about how the holding the Cup over your head "vex" doesn't last long. Here are the numbers to back it. The Bruins went 12-0-1 in November. Pretty sick. Welcome back to the party, boys.
9) I am sitting here watching Vince Young and Tavaris Jackson pretend to be QB's. It is like double the non-feel good, not everyone loves me, and I don't look like a fullback version of Tim Tebow.
10) Bruce Boudreau has been hired by the Anaheim Ducks. In my theory about how 15 re-tread coaches actually coach all 30 or so teams in the NHL, he might still be coaching the Capitals for all we know.
11) Stevie Johnson, an underrated receiver from Buffalo, had a hell of a day against one of the best corners in the game, Darrelle Revis. He was balling. Then, he pulls the mocking of Plaxico Burress. I thought it was kind of funny actually, but rules are rules now. Oh, and by the way, Stevie, you lost. Might have been funnier if you were a couple TD's ahead.
12) Shit. Meant to lead with this story. I don't know if you can Google the ESPN halftime story, but at least try and find something on it. I was blown away by the story of Jimmy Graham, the breakout receiver this year for the Saints. This rant is going to be long enough. Just trust me. Check it out. Moving.
13) Did you see the Charger's kicker pissing on the sideline last Sunday during the game? Bro, if you were a linebacker or running back, it might be cool. But you are a kicker. I held going #2 for three days at the 25th Anniversary of Woodstock in 1994. I think you could have made it, dude. It didn't help anyway. You lost. It goes to prove. If you pee on the sideline, you STILL get Tebowed (the joke was about Nick Novak. Do NOT think I am anywhere NEAR that bandwagon).
14) Jeff Triplette, the ref of that game, obviously thought that the Chargers would get Tebowed before overtime. He evidently drank at the commercial break, and then couldn't remember overtime rules. BUT. He IS right in his confusion. Both teams SHOULD get the ball. PLEASE adopt the college rules, Roger Goodell.
15) Syracuse fires Bernie Fine. Even though both stories are independent of each other, I bet you someone somewhere is betting on which story ends up worse. Disgusting stuff. And Boeheim, I love you, bro. Don't be all "on my watch" and stuff at press conferences. Be strong, I believe that you didn't know, and deflect when you need to. You almost sounded guilty of knowing with that weirdly tough speech. You weren't talking about a war, and you are not in the military. Talk with Kellen Winslow, Jr. about that.
16) Illinois fires Ron Zook. OK. Whose next? If I had to pick two high profile coaches I need to flow chart where the heck they go, it is Lon Kruger and Ron Zook. You guys change jobs a LOT.
17) Speaking of those two, let's add Dennis Erickson to that mix. Actually, I got an idea. Illinois, hire Dennis Erickson. ASU, hire Zook. It would really make it a more fun flow chart....and make it easier for me to track.
18) Brett Favre, you are sneaky. Whether you meant to or not, you somehow got on the wire with Leinart going down. Wow. Anyway, Matt, good job on escaping my wrath on this rant for fantasy football. You went 10-13 with 67 yds and a TD before you got hurt. Good work. I am sticking with my theme though. You are DAMN RIGHT I picked up Jake Delhomme 5 minutes after they picked him up. I am going down with the ship, dammit.
19) I am also watching St. Johns vs UK right now. Unless you have played trivia pursuit against George Costanza recently, just so you know, UK is pretty damn good. Jones, Teague, AD, etc. Wow. AND they beat a guy named God's Gift tonight (seriously, there is a guy named that on St. Johns...it wasn't some weird joke).
20) Mike Miller is out for 8 weeks. The new NBA rules are tougher. How are the Big Three going to find their role players THIS year? Where is Gene Hackman when we need him? "My team is on the FLOOR!"
21) I refuse to watch it or look it up, but I still don't understand how the show "The Voice" works. I get that you can't see them when they sing, but once you see them, and if they advance, isn't the secret out of the bag? I am confused.
22) Only two things on the Steelers game. Yes, sure it was an ugly game, but a W is a W...at KC's crib. One, I have never seen a masterful defense like theirs SO different with one single player out. Troy in, they are badass. Troy out, they are just pretty damn good. He changes EVERYTHING. Two, I don't have much to judge professional athlete's personalities. I don't meet them or anything for the most part. But, that effort that Dwayne Bowe gave on that slightly overthrown pass by Palko tells me all I need to know about that guy.
23) One more thing. Sorry. Big Ben plays the game like Iverson did. Nothing, no injury, stops him (I made a joke last rant about the chick thing, so just insert your own right here)._________________
(was it funny? I am sure it was funnier than anything I would have said anyway)
24) My buddy made a funny comment about Philip Rivers I wanted to share. He DOES kind of look like the guy from Avatar, although since I refuse to see that movie twice, so I guess it doesn't hit home as much for me. Dancing with Wolves with blue people. That's it.
25) I want to, but I am not going to. Hmmmm. I need to make a decision. Uhhh. I am only going to be bold enough to pick one. LSU will beat Georgia, but it will be closer than you think. That being said, and since I called this months ago, the Giants WILL beat the Packers. There. I said it.
26) Only in NY or Philly. Sanchez has 4 TDs and is booed at least 3 times during the game. I went to see Mike Schmidt play and he was booed for a bad outing. Yup. He sucked. Too funny. NO. I am NOT comparing Sanchez to my boy, Mike Schmidt, the joke is about the fans.
27) If we are putting GPS on cars now, and with technology the way it is now, isn't there a chip we can put in our wallet to track it down if we lost it? Just saying...It was just a random discussion I had.
28) Jimmy V week is coming up. People, if you have NOT seen that speech, stop reading this right now, google it and watch it. Different things move different people, but that thing could move anyone from ANY background.
29) I have to endure another week of Tim Tebow mania IN DENVER with them going to visit the Vikings, meaning I have a pretty good chance of dealing with it for another week after that. This has to stop. HAS to.
30) The Atlanta Falcons no-huddle offense is fun to watch, but it is very odd. It is a slow moving, conservative play offense, that doesn't let the defense sub. It is just...odd.
31) With the whole Victoria Secret special, I saw that Kanye West and Jay-Z were going to be on stage together. I am not exactly hip, but I thought they disliked each other. What gives?
32) That chick in the Verizon commercial, dressed in red, who goes up to the tablets and starts smiling while playing with them...is HOT.
33) If you did not see that Brad Smith catch in the 3rd qtr of last week's Buffalo/ NYJ game, google hit. It is fancy. He blocks it away from an interception, then catches it, and then scores. It ain't no Freeman catch from years ago (google THAT if you don't know what I am talking about), but it is still something to check out.
34) I might not be totally paying attention because it is such a great college bball week, but who the hell is on the Nuggets? JR is causing trouble in China, Kenyon Martin is in China also, Gallinari is in Italy, and Nene is a free agent. Me and my boss are going to go to the open tryouts that are bound to occur. Since we can only run up and down the court a couple times each, we are going to try out for ONE roster spot. We can just sub in and out for each other. It will be like that Seinfeld where George and Jerry each are half a man to become one full boyfriend.
35) NBA first year players. Sure, some want to see Kyrie. Some want to see Jimmer (think new age Redick or shorter Adam Morrison-both are negatives by the way). I want to see Ricky Rubio play. That kid is Jamaal Tinsley on crack (what is UP with all of my sudden Tinsley references?).
36) I have no reason why. I have nothing to base it on. However, Rick Neuheisel is on the way out. How cool would it be if he beats Oregon as a last chapter in his UCLA story? That would just be FUNNY.
37) What did YOU do on probation, Little Johnny? Matt Barkley just threw 6 TD's last weekend. Just saying. Give me HIM on my NFL team if I am not in the Luck sweepstakes, especially since Soonergirl told me how much Landry Jones sucks.
38) Welcome back, Chris Johnson. You have already lost 90% of your fantasy owners their FF league (not me), and you bust out 190 yds in a game? This isn't a contract year, you selfish bastard, you can continue to chill...
39) Is anyone on my bandwagon yet? Trent Richardson had 203 yds against Auburn. In the words of Tiger Woods machine voice on Jim Rome, "the golf course looks good, my swing feels good, I like my chances..."
40) Griffin Lentsch scores 89 points in a Division III basketball game. I don't care if you don't look it up, and I don't care if you don't care about Division III bball, that is still A LOT of points.
41) The US wins the World Cup! The US wins the World Cup! Yay! Ummm. Yeah. Golf also has a World Cup, and the US hasn't won it in 11 years, and we don't know anything about it except that evidently Matt Kuchar and Gary Woodland put us out of our misery.
42) The Spartans and Badgers face each other in the Big Ten Championship. Since the Spartans ruined my preseason dark horse national champion's hopes, I have nothing to say on this. As Stewie might say, "Damn you, Spartans!"
43) Andrew Luck passes Elway in passing at Stanford. No fastball, no band on the field, but the kid's future is LARGE.
44) Useless fact of the week that I KNOW you have been losing sleep over. That is why I am here. UNC loss to UNLV was the 3rd quickest of all time by a preseason #1 college bball team. By the way, who BUILT that UNLV team? Just the poor man's version of Larry Brown, Mr. Kruger himself. Lon has moved on to a place where the resources are a little better after they get by this penalty time (Oklahoma)...which means, for taking that struggling program, Kruger is the poor man's version of Tom Crean. Come on. The parallel is there. I am NOT going to explain it, but will be happy to flow chart that entire sequence if you have the time. Call me.
45) If you were curious about HOW the NBA lockout actually ended, you will be happy to know the answer is 51.2%. Once again, I KNOW you were losing sleep over that.
46) Let me get this straight. Suh bangs a dude's head into the ground three times and then steps on him, then says he was pushed in the post game interview, THEN calls Goodell to apologize, and THEN appeals the 2 game suspension. Flow chart THAT, people. Seriously?
47) As long as Georgia doesn't ruin the party, it has been a long time since I have seen a unanimous #1 and #2 in the polls this late in the season. Stop bitching about it being a rematch of unwatchable football...they are the two best teams. We should be happy. So should the BCS. Although they have already sent Christmas cards to a bunch of teams who suddenly cleared this picture up.
48) Federer beat Tsonga in the ATP Final. Still. Jo-Wilfried WILL be a household name in 1 year. Mark (no pun intended) my words. Watch that guy play. Amazing athlete...with total game.
49) I will do my UVA-VA Tech points all at once. Virginia not getting that early 4th and 2 was a total Cousin Mo killer, Logan Thomas is the Mark McGwire version of Cam Newton, Perry Jones calling off his special teams and getting a penalty was bullshit, Max Milien is my favorite name in college football, I am bothered by hearing the feminine term "blossomed" during a football game, and UVA got SMOKED...at HOME. See? That was short and sweet.
50) I LIVE in Denver. I LOVE sports. How the hell did I miss that Invesco Field is now Sports Authority Field like three months later??? Do you SEE what Tebow has done to me? I won't even read the local papers.
51) Sherlock Holmes is coming out with the next movie. I still don't remember that guy in the books I read being any SORT of a badass. So confused, although I am so glad Robert Downey Jr. is back so strong.
52) Mystery solved. That guy from the Dr. Pepper commercial with the shaved head, sunglasses, soul patch, and who joined that Iglesias guy on stage on Thanksgiving football is named...Pitbull. Still not resolved...whether that Dr. Pepper commercial song is a Dr. Pepper song or his song that is on the radio...
53) I don't care who is better. I don't care about the rivalry (except for I still love that making out commercial with the two people with each sweatshirt...almost as much as I like that old man pushing that other old man over in the Bama Auburn game). However, I just think that it is RIGHT that with all of the cheating and wrongdoings OSU did, that Michigan win that rivalry game this year.
54) I played Golden Tee on my birthday at a neighborhood bar that had the roller ball two feet in front of a LEDGE. I have hurt my wrist playing that game with full clearance. I have watched someone actually break the glass (one of the most trivial cool things I have EVER seen). Lawsuit waiting to happen.
55) The Royals sign Jonathan Broxton. Good signing of a closer who still has something left. Now, if only you had a use for a closer more than once every 4 days, you would be set. How about the rest of your lineup?
56) It might come out soon that Dick Vitale and Coach K are closet lovers, because although I love Vitale's energy in announcing a game, and although I RESPECT (but hate) Duke basketball, his love affair with Duke basketball is like McDaniels love affair of Tim Tebow on crack (that is twice I have used that crack reference-look for a Dennis Leary reference next rant...). Dicky V. I love you. Take it easy. I can't even watch a DIFFERENT game without you making a Duke is great reference, let alone watch a Duke game you actually announce.
57) Wisconsin/ UNC. Good game, and more separation than the score would indicate. However, a Bo Ryan team NEVER gets blown out, and it was very evident the different athletic levels by the end of the game.
58) UVA beats Michigan, ranked. They had a long trip from Maui. I am not going to be a homer. However, it is SO fun that we are relevant again. I am bringing out my ticket stubs from our Duke and UNC wins back in the day when I watch them play them.
59) I saw THREE Channel Four vans go down my street after 7pm this week. Only my long time readers will understand why that is funny. It is an enigma wrapped in a puzzle, but I am pretty sure it is just the night shift, and the people aren't allowed to take their vans home. Damn. I hoped it was SO much more exciting.
60) Bobby Valentine is the new Red Sox manager. It might work. They need a big time hire. He needs a big time team. However, him and Francona are two VERY different managers. He can easily handle the pressure of the big time, but don't know if his style fits. Just saying...
61) Ohio State blows OUT Duke. You don't see that often. A couple of things. It show that when a very athletic team is having their night and having the ball bounce their way and shot fall, how very non-athletic Duke is. It won't happen often, but it happened. I still worry about Aaron Craft's jumpshot and Sullinger backups if he gets in foul trouble, but OSU is pretty good. Useless fact that you have been losing sleep over. Buford is 500 pts or so away from being OSU's ALL TIME leading scorer. ALL TIME. Weird. Dude has never averaged over 20 pts per game (I am not googling it-just ballparking it) at a big time program.
62) Sometimes you need players, and sometimes you need coaches. If you thought the fat guy who was a Ron Mercer game away from a national championship can't coach, check out the St. Louis basketball team. Pretty solid team. Rick Majerus. I wouldn't want to play them in the tourney.
63) I still love when a face painter gets caught on camera staring into space or being quiet. Just looks odd. Putty would never let that happen to him.
64) One more thing on the Duke-OSU game. They have never seen the Houston-Buffalo AFC playoff game back in the early nineties. They gave up. Coach K. Maybe you were sending a message to the boys, but send it with 5 minutes left and not with 10 minutes left. I have seen crazier things happen. No Kelly (actually, how IS that guy good)? No Dawkins (he WAS running into his jumpers. He is a spot up shooter)? Oh, and why don't you run your offense, instead of letting your diaper dandy Austin Rivers dribble around like he is Allen Iverson in an offense you designed.
65) Lexus commercials. I am not saying I would say NO to a new car, especially a Lexus. However, I own a '96 Jeep Cherokee. It would take a very special car for me to give her up. A car is personal. Don't buy some random one for me. I want a disclaimer in the commercials saying that they already talked about which car the person wanted.
66) Washington State hires Leach. Just give them an Advil and let them practice, Mike, when they have a headache. Trust me. Hope they don't have a lot of utility sheds on campus.
67) Dwight Howard. I would say the Nets have a chance at them and I suppose that Deron Williams would get him the ball a lot...and Kris Humphries is upset enough about Kim that he is going to be focused and play well...BUT, I have a feeling that I foresee a Lakers trade with Bynum and Odom coming...
68) David Beckham has an important decision to make evidently. Dude, we don't care about soccer here (except for me in the World Cup), and you retiring on top is not exactly going to be pulling an Elway or LaRussa.
69) The 0-11 Colts fire their defensive coordinator. Word is that the owner closes his eyes when the Colts are on offense and has no idea how bad they are on that side of the ball. Dude, I play fantasy. REGGIE WAYNE is a free agent, for pete's sake.
70) Tony Stewart wins the Cup and then fires his crew chief. Unless a story comes out of how the guy was banging his lady, I have nothing on this. Absolutely nothing...moving on. You WON dude, and he was like your offensive linemen.
71) Bill Walton stat and another useless fact that you were losing sleep over. If you don't get my Bill Walton joke, it is because when he announces games, he says "that could be the greatest steal by a left handed guard from a Big Ten conference in the second half of a Western Conference game by a guy who is taller than 6'3"...EVER" Anyway, Drew Brees is the first QB to EVER have more than 300 yds passing, 4 TD's, 1 rushing TD...on Monday Night Football.
72) I am not saying he is going to be him and be loved by Dick Vitale as much, BUT... Billy Donovan has pretty much the EXACT same stats as Coach K at age 46...just saying. Check it out. Doubt me. Dare you.
73) I watched my first Conan O'Brien monologue the other night. It might just be me, but that guy is the OPPOSITE of funny. I laughed like I do during CSI Miami. Because it is SO bad.
74) The Family Guy where Lois is fighting a chick in the ring, and Peter gets up on the mic and sings Eye of the Tiger almost made me roll off my couch. AND. I just chuckled again while writing that.
75) Clemson is surprisingly in the top ten over the last 5 years, and Texas is always there...college football recruiting by the way...and they are both just ok. Something is not right if you are not translating that talent.
76) Did anyone else notice that Brandon Jacobs just went NUTS after scoring a TD in the 3rd qtr the other night. This wouldn't be funny, except that that made them down 21-10. Idiot.
77) Urban Meyer is officially the OSU coach now. Hey, I might watch them now. He can run that crazy, non-pro style offense with these ridiculous athletes that just is...FUN. Total sarcasm, people.
78) I leave you with this. TU HOLLOWAY. Remember the name. Dude can ball. Sure, Xavier beat Vandy without their best future NBA player, but you saw just how tough and how good that kid is. If I was a college bball coach, I would take him running my show ANY day. He WILL be first team All American, and wreck all of your brackets in March for those who aren't paying attention to him.
79) I am stopping before 80 takes. No FBS picks. Side note, no mistake if I miss next Thursday. Steelers play that night. No WAY I am blogging during my boys game. Talk to you Monday. In the words of my boy who is one hard hit or a strained hammy from starting...NOW I'M DONE. Peace.
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