Stringfellow Hawke was the man...

Read it, don't read it, I don't care...just needed to get some things off my chest.


In no particular order of chronology or importance...




1)  For the love of the game...or just to get paid.  Chris Johnson's stats for the last 2 games against Indy and New Orleans.  15 rushes for 55 yards and 11 rushes for 23 yards.  3.7 yards  and 2.1 yards average.  Sure, you can devil's advocate me to death with other factors that went into each game, but I will say this.  I think he is paid on his new contract and doesn't really have an interest in being one of the best of all time.  Just saying.


2)  There is love for your team, and then there is obsession that allows one not to realize it is just football.  A Green Bay woman is behind bars tonight after throwing her food on the floor, attempting to punch her husband in the face, and then choking her 11 year old daughter.  Solid stuff.  VERY sarcastic.  I love my team, but you have to draw the line somewhere. 


3)  Someone told me this week that Tom Brady wouldn't have even made it in the league back in the 90's.  Sure, it is a different game and is called a different way by the refs, but I am just sort of hypothesizing here, but I think that he would have been ok.  I think he might have even been good.  I don't care what has changed, having 3 rings against some of the best athletes in the world is still having 3 rings.  


4)  The Bears cut Sam Hurd.  This sucks.  He was making a run at being on my special team and then his team disses him.  Know this about my team.  To join the likes of Ron Artest, DeShawn Stephenson, Chad Ochocino, and Sebastian Janikowski, you have to be associated with a team when you actually are accepted on it.  Former brief-time players can't make it.  Someone pick him up.  In any decade, under any coach, this has the Oakland Raiders written ALL over it.


5)  Stat that blew me away.  Out of 199 Division III football schools, the SAME TWO teams have met in the championship for the last 7 years.  That is sick.  Both teams last 2 or so lost games...are against each other.  Mount Union and Wisconsin-Whitewater.  Nice programs you have there.


6)  I am supposed to clarify in this rant that when I called myself the Baron last week, that it was NOT positive.  I am called this by my boss because of a misunderstanding.  He thinks I hate UNC basketball and the Broncos because I am just being a "hater."  I actually have ALWAYS disliked the Broncos since I moved out here (sorry, Mom, although you WERE more of an Elway fan and not as much a Broncos fan), and am always going to root against UNC basketball since I am a fellow ACC man myself, at a school that was pretty good at basketball itself back in the day.  Anyway, that is why I evidently have an alter-ego...Baron Von Haterstein (pronounced "Styne" by the way).


7)  Barry Bonds got the book thrown at him.  I wonder how many resources were wasted to end up giving him 30 days HOUSE arrest and 2 years of probation.  Seriously.  The house arrest is really going to cramp his style.  Word is that his favorite place to go in his spare time is in Vegas...Cheetah's.


8)  With the all of these retread movies coming out these days, I want to know where the hell THIS movie is.  Airwolf.  Talk about a technological show that still hasn't aged.  Whoever designed that fake helicopter sure as hell did it right, because I still believe Airwolf can still take any other aircraft in the world today.  Loved that show.  I think they made a "Blue Thunder" movie.  Airwolf would have beaten the living shit out of that helicopter by the way.


9)  No word on who the hell is going to be their center yet, but the Miami Heat have solved one problem...any murmurs about whether Erik Spoelstra will finish the season if they have some winning problems are now solved.  They have signed him to a contract.  I still don't like their roles in a traditional offense, but locking up Erik and signing Battier was a good first step to having a pretty badass season.  My only other problem is the point.  I know they like Chalmers, but I think they should have snagged Mike Bibby or Baron Davis to be in the wings if Chalmers wasn't having a good season.  Not sure HOW you can have a bad season passing the ball to James, Wade, and Bosh, but just saying a back up plan would have been good.


10)  If Yu Darvish is ANYTHING like people are saying as a pitcher, the Texas Rangers just made a huge rebuttal against the Angels signing Wilson and Pujols.  Sure, you could say that it is a push because the Rangers lost C.J. Wilson, but Nolan Ryan is running the show over there, and I can't see him making a wrong move involving a pitcher.  Seven no hitters means you have to know something about tossing the ball in baseball.  Considering the Rangers were pretty much a strike away from a World Series, I would say their statement is solid.


11)  I have always watched in awe how referees avoid collisions in NHL games.  Proud to say I watched a game where the ref got in the way-Washington/ Philly.  The fact that it doesn't happen almost constantly sincerely amazes me.


12)  Kobe gets divorced.  Rough week for this guy.  He loses one of his glue guys to the defending champions for pretty much nothing in return, their trade for Chris Paul gets nixed by the league, and his woman finally gets tired of hearing Edwards/Vail jokes.  


13)  Syracuse is a SOLID #1, people.  I truly like them better than UNC, Duke, Ohio State, Kentucky and others.  Their only problem is figuring out how the hell they are going to trim their rotation by tournament time.  Great problem to have.  LOTS of depth.  Kris Joseph is coming into his own as the go-to guy, their backcourt is experienced, Waiters is starting to become a household name, and then Fab Melo.  We see lots of stories about players coming back out of shape when the season rolls around.  This kid put in some WORK over the summer.  He has better offensive skills now, and is much more fit.  He was abysmal last year.  Glad you came to play this year, bro.  I don't like UNC's outside shooting, Duke's lack of athleticism, Ohio State's Sullinger health problems and frontcourt depth, and Kentucky's youth (and Teague's fifty something free throw percentage).  Louisville is intriguing, but I think a team that is big inside like UNC or Ohio State will bother them.  Pre-conference games revised final four.
-Syracuse
-Ohio State
-Kentucky
-Baylor
(UNC would bump Baylor depending on what I think about Baylor's PG play come tourney time)


NEXT THREE SCARY TEAMS:
-Xavier (assuming Holloway doesn't go "gangsta.")
-Michigan State (9 in a row now since opening 0-2)
-Vandy (I don't care if they are unranked now.  They are good)


CINDERELLA OPTIONS:
-Harvard (seasoned coach, talented bunch, lacking athleticism)
-Creighton (don't know who Doug McDermott is yet?  You will)
-Long Beach State (NOT lacking athleticism)
-Murray State (do these guys do this every 5 years on PURPOSE?)
-Iona (PG can PLAY)
-UNLV (you live in a bubble if you don't know their two big wins.  OK.  You live in a bubble if you don't know the UNC win.  I will let the Illinois one slide with you as I am a junkie.)
-St. Louis (Majerus.  Majerus.  Majerus.)


14)  Soccer players can't really sound "tough" in a lot of sports circles, but the guy who kicked the free kick and the tubing came out of the ball?  He should just quit playing right now and tell that story forever.


15)  When you have a leader of your defense come forward, lock him up.  The Patriots just did.  They can bring all of the retreads they want for the next millennium.  They did the right thing by locking up Jerod Mayo for the next few years.  Dude can PLAY.


16)  Let me own up to it.  My Steelers got rolled against San Fran (thanks, James Harrison, but the way).  I won't sit here and give excuses.  I won't say that maybe Ben should have been less tough and sat that game.  They got BEAT.  My random notes from the game:
-I saw four passes in the first half where Ben OVERTHREW his receivers.  One was an interception, and I still am not sure how you overthrow Mike Wallace.  My theory is this.  Because he knew that pain would occur when he stepped up, he overcompensated and overthrew the ball.
-I was amazed on how many big third downs Alex Smith came through on.  Kid is really coming into his own, and he did it against a pretty intimidating defense
-The crazy power outage delay affected Ben more than anyone else.  You have a guy who is hurt and preps himself to be at the best readiness level right at kickoff.  I think mentally and physically, it jacked him up.
-It was kind of surreal seeing the whole stadium dark.  Think you better hurry up building that new stadium, especially if you are suddenly going to be good.
-Watching Mike Wallace run is kind of like watching gazelles chase a cheetah.  Top Gun comparison.  Inverted.  Dude can flat out fly.
-I don't understand women.  We are lucky enough to have a very meaningful late season MNF game, and the girl across the hall decides to have a really loud book club meeting/ pillow fight/ bitch guys out session, or whatever the hell chicks do when they all get together.  The game was not on.  So glad I am a dude.
-They played that badass Korn song during player introductions on the first drive.  Best idea in rock and roll in a while?  Korn hooking up with that DJ guy.
-I would be pretty bothered if I was Jerry Rice with David Akers breaking his scoring record.  One guy was arguably the best skill position player ever with four rings, and a guy who kicks for a living who gets penalties called on people who hit him ends up pushing him to #2.  Sucks.
-I am proud to be a Steelers fan.  When Heath caught balls in the first half, the cheers were pretty damn loud considering they were playing at the Bay.


17)  I watched most of that Green Bay/ KC game.  Intriguing to me, and I know I have harped on this a LOT over the years.  What the heck happened to trying long field goals?  I am not saying ALL the time, but come on.  Green Bay WENT for it on 4th and 8 from the KC 39 with 14 minutes left in the game down 9-7.  What?


18)  I want to talk briefly about Phil Kessel, Brian Elliot, and Ian White.  No.  These are not fraternity brothers I am going to visit in northern Virginia the next time I am back east.  Folks, this is a noticeable changing of the guard in the NHL.  These guys would be your points leader, your GAA and save percentage leader, and your plus/ minus leader.  Except for Steven Stamkos and the Sedin brothers, there are a LOT of new names on the leaderboards.  Don't these guys know I have a full time job and don't have time to research EVERYBODY?


19)  Not that you care, but I am already kicking Jesse Palmer off my man-crush list.  After further deliberation, I have decided that the Iverson spot goes to Mark Wahlberg instead.  Congratulations, Mark.


20)  The Phillies re-signed Jimmy Rollins.  Sure, test the market, bro.  Feel important.  You would be an idiot for leaving that squad right now.  Just saying.


21)  Two things I found funny last weekend that I forgot to mention last rant...the KC kicker attempting an onside kick and kicking it about 3 yards in front of him and Washington's Jabar Gaffney jumping into the stands...on a Pats fan who was probably about 7 years old.  By the way, Jabar, don't we have enough material on your Skins at this point?


22)  Kris Humphries is getting closer to a deal with the Nets.  Word is that he would like "til death do us part" in the contract and that is presently a sticking point.


23)  Elway backs that guy who kneels from the Denver Broncos.  Have a beer with me, sometime, John.  I will talk you out of it.  Don't give in without a fight I say.  On a side note, two students from NY got suspended from doing that praying thing at school and getting 20 of their closet friends to do it with them, delaying class.  It reminds me, by the way.  I still need a secretary in my hater club.  Remember, I hate the movement, not the man.


24)  In the battle of two second tier MLB teams vying for free agency notoriety but continuing to sign people I have to look up their first name, the Rockies signed Michael Cuddyer and the DBacks signed Jason Kubel.  Thank you, Google.  You rock.


25)  If the Steelers and Ravens are the best present rivalry in the NFL without Manning healthy, why don't they play late in the season?  Is George Costanza in charge of our scheduling and can't get hotel rooms in the city that late?  Confused.  Not that I am bitching about ending the season with St. Louis and Cleveland after a tough Bay loss, but come on.


26)  The Nuggets continue to impress me.  After me and my boss contemplate about going to open tryouts as one total player, they sign Aaron Afflalo.  Add that to the Fernandez and Brewer signing, and you have a nice little squad coming around.  I saw them ranked #5 in a recent power rankings.  Good stuff, Nugs.  Sorry the Baron's allegiance is now totally with the Clippers, but I will TRY and cheer for you.  Nahh...


27)  Ohio State football got a bowl ban.  Word is that they actually asked for it.  Just in case they are good next year.  To fill the time gap, they have asked the NCAA to play the last place SEC team, just to see if they can beat anyone over there.


28)  I am SO much a basketball junkie.  UNLV over Illinois?  Davidson over KU?  LSU over Marquette?  Butler over Purdue?  Indiana STATE over Vandy AT Vandy?  Wow.  So.  Freaking.  Excited.


29)  I won't toot my own horn TOO much, but if anyone IS listening to my football predictions, I hope you took Carolina over the Texans, Indy over Tennessee, and the Chargers over Baltimore.  I hope your bookie is not "phony," and actually pays you also.  "I didn't know Cheryl Miller's little brother played basketball."  Classic.


30)  As I sit here at halftime of the Butler/ Gonzaga game, I still am sad Jay Williams never ended up playing for years in the NBA.  That dude was a total baller at Duke.  I will NEVER forget their comeback against Maryland down 10 with 55 seconds left back in the day.


31)  I am pretty sure I was trying to be productive when I was 16 years old.  Just not like Lexi Thompson I guess.  Chick won the Ladies Euro tourney at the age of 16.  Good job.  Weird that Michelle Wie was in contention in the same tourney, but had two bogeys and a double on the front nine.  Michelle Wie is freaking 22 years old??  Wow.  Another Rip Van Winkle take.  Please don't hook up with Kwame Brown when you are old enough, Lexi.  You have to be a regular reader to get that joke by the way.


32)  The Pistons re-signed Rodney Stuckey.  Like it.  He must be brainwashed with those stories from 2004.  Him and Tayshawn must just get loaded in between games.  Both are kind of...damn...sorry...didn't even think of this joke as I was writing my stream of consciousness...ready?..."stuck" there at a suddenly losing franchise.


33)  I need a flowchart.  Seriously.  Too many people in the NHL getting fired and hired...mideseason.  I can't keep up.  In case you care, the Canadians fired Martin, and the Kings hired Sutter.  Moving on.


34)  The Big Three are getting old over there in Boston.  Now this.  My thoughts go out to Jeff Green, who not only has to have heart surgery, but is out for the year and pretty much dooms any change of that dream team of getting that second championship.


35)  The Reds obtain the Padres' Latos.  Great pickup in a lot of respects.  Is it bad that I didn't think that the pickup was the most interesting part of the story?  ESPN had it on the wire as "Red adds Padres' Latos."  Maybe the Reds are suddenly singular in nature like the Stanford Cardinal, but I wasn't aware of it.  If they suddenly are, please let me know so I can write it right next to "Invesco Field becomes Sports Authority Field" in my insane oversights in the world of sports.


36)  The sky is blue, the grass is green, and the Bulls just signed Derrick Rose long term.  There is NO way I let that guy get away.  NO way.  Sucks you have to play in MJ's shadow for your duration there, but I am confident you will have your own story and your own time.  Hard worker, class act, and one of the best athletes in the WORLD...not the NBA, the world.


37)  I read that Kevin Kolb was out with a concussion.  I read that he also only vaguely remembers being the "greatest backup QB who we have only seen play twice in an actual game" with the Eagles.  See that, Bill Walton? I can make your random, crazy references, too.  You should have stayed the best kept secret in the NFL.  Assuming not having Boldin kind of hurts you over there too.  Must be tough to try and jam it in triple coverage to one of the best receivers in the NFL.  Think of it in the Rounders sense.  You went all in with a pair of tens.  Sucks your opponent matched up his ace on the river.


38)  Mini NBA Preview (just listing them under power rankings from a site-predictions at end):
-Heat (what the hell happened to having a true center?)
-Thunder (in the dictionary, this is under "how to build a team.")
-Mavs (like I have said, if the Knicks make ANY noise, Tyson Chandler can just retire)
-Bulls (happy Rose, more experienced squad, still lacking a 2 guard)
-Nugs (now have my my #2 and #3 players in the NBA-Gallinari and Fernandez.  My #1 is Griffin, so I am still not a fan)
-Clippers (Stockton, Malone, Paul, Griffin...at least they don't have that MJ fellow to deal with)
-Lakers (worst supporting cast he has had in a while.  at least they are still really, really tall)
-Grizzlies (I still think Zach Randolph is the basketball equivalent of Chris Johnson (see first take))
-Knicks (they now have one guy who plays defense.  Gene Hackman played with 4 players in Hoosiers, not 1)
-Celtics (not saying Green is a stud, but think he would have made a difference.  Unhappy Rondo.  Old stars.  Nope)
-Spurs (when they rest Parker, Ginobli, and Duncan, will they play gin rummy on the bench?)
-Hawks (they are the poor man's version of the Thunder.  JR Smith should sign with this team, and that has nothing to do with their second best player already being Josh Smith)
-76ers (bring back Iverson again.  Why not?  OK.  I am being biased. Wahlberg would be mad)
-Pacers (they are a Hall and Oates song.  So close, yet so far away)
-Trailblazers (Roy retires, and Crawford is not Roy.  They have experience in Oden, since he is like 60 years old)
That's enough.  My jokes won't get funnier with the shitty teams.  Actually, maybe they would, but I wanted to finish by 9pm tonight.
PREDICTION: Bulls over Thunder in 6 games.
NEXT TWO: Heat/ Mavs
NEXT TWO: Knicks/ Clippers
2013 PREDICTION: Clippers over Knicks


39)  That is it.  As one shepherd said to the other shepherd, let's get the flock out of here.  Peace.