Don't Top Gun that shit...

Read it, don't read it, I don't care...just needed to get some things off my chest.


In no particular order of chronology or importance...


I feel the need...the need for speed.


1)  Let's talk about Drew Brees.  Congratulations, man.  You break that 5084 yds record that Marino had. Averaged out per game and the record sounds even more tough.  Brees gave credit to everyone else and their mother before giving himself any.  He is always a class act, so that is not a surprise.  I hope Michael Vick never has that kind of season.  Speeches would be...different.  A couple of things.


-I won't get into the whole "different generation" topic.  All records in any sport are set in different generations all of the time-deal with it.  It is still impressive.


-I think it was awesome the ending that the eclipsing yardage happened on a touchdown throw.  Classic.


-After Katrina and the years of getting things back together in general, I was extremely glad to see him do it at home.  Great fan base, deserving fan base.


-Brees has averaged this season NINETY EIGHT more yards than the average NFL passer.  Wow.


-I am still bothered that it didn't come in game fluidity or fit nicely into the game situation.  They were up 22 points late, he was 30 yards short of the record, and they were still passing on every play.  I get it.  You want to get it out of the way.  However, don't tell me that the Saints just wanted him to do it in front of the home crowd-they play Carolina at home this week.  Don't tell me you were planning on sitting him next week-you are still fighting for seeding and HAVE to play him a little at least.  I am just saying.  I was happy for him, but wish it would have come in normal game flow.


-Anyone else notice that Drew Brees broke the 27 year old record, and Tom Brady is HOW far behind him in yardage?  190 yards.  The Saints are glad they need to play for seeding, because they would have had to play him anyway to fend off that guy.  Wouldn't that have sucked?  Break an old record on national TV and then be passed quietly in the final week and get immediately replaced in the books.


-Finally, in all of his classy speeches, I almost rolled off the couch during Brees's locker room monologue.  He was thanking everyone at every position, and said "even the equipment managers, who rubbed down those balls..."  Classic.


2)  Tom Cruise doesn't need money.  I think him and other aging actors who do sequel after sequel of one of their "badass" characters do it just to make them stay in shape.  "Famous" motivation.  Damon, ignore that take.  You can make all of the freaking Bourne movies you want.  When you die, I want you to say that Sean Connery was nothing but a speedbump.


3)  How exciting is this final week of the NFL season?  Four.  FOUR games where it simply involves this novel concept.  Win, and you are in...for both teams. 


4)  Notre Dame basketball doesn't even need to be ranked.  They destroyed a good Pitt team this week.  With a subpar squad, they have quietly won their last 28 straight games at home.  Smart kids who can ball, with loud fans at a friendly environment...dangerous.  Know this though, ND, you won't even sniff the NCAA tourney unless you bring that same fire on the road.


5)  Deep thoughts.  I got to watch Enus Kanter play the other night in an NBA game.  If you recall, he was the Kentucky player who was not allowed to play last year because he had played a little Turkish League ball.  Rules are rules, but can you imagine that squad last year with that kid patrolling the paint?  Hey, Kemba, you're welcome.  Bet you ate some extra turkey over the holidays.  Sorry.  I find those dry wit jokes very funny.


6)  Damn.  DAMN.  Sidney Crosby is still having concussion symptoms.  Hockey and hockey fans are missing your ridiculous skills, kid.  Get healthy.  That being said, every single game he sits makes that sick and wrong points record by The Great One that much safer.


7)  I am not saying they aren't good.  FAR from it.  They are really, really good.  This is not me being still mad about last year's painful Super Bowl.  Just saying this.  Fact.  Green Bay is allowing 4.7 yards per rush.  That is...a lot...for someone hoping to take it all.  Do you expect Aaron to throw 5 touchdowns every game...in the playoffs?


8)  A Rod is having his hurt shoulder and knee treated in Germany.  Dude, not saying you are cheating again, and not saying that European doctors aren't the shit.  Just saying that it is sh-a-dy.  It makes you look like you are getting away from the media who will follow your every move in the US to go behind closed doors and get "treated."  I wish you had gone to Russia.  Then I could make another Rocky IV joke, as you know I LOVE making Ivan Drago jokes.  One of my colleagues at work turned his hat backwards today as I was walking by.  I, of course, immediately made an Over the Top joke.  See?  I don't just write my little rant here with a bunch of 80's jokes, I live it.  Moving on.


9)  Tomlinson has said that the Dolphins game might be his last game.  Do it.  You still have been credible in between injuries this year.  I want to remember you as we should...the closest thing to Barry Sanders we have seen since that dude retired.  Know that it was still a large gap (if we were doing Mad Libs, we would say "huge"), and NO ONE will ever do what that dude did with the offensive line, or lack there of, that he had.  LT.  Retire in style, and with recent memories of your magic still fresh in my head.


10)  Interesting signing.  Michael Redd just signed a deal with the Suns.  I know teams lack money.  I know there is a new collective bargaining agreement.  I still think that is curious.  He still is in his relative prime.  The Suns don't have the skill level to have one player to "plug and play" and win.  I would have stayed wherever you were training, and waited it out a little more personally for a contender.


11)  Dream for a Princeton offense running basketball coach?  A 6'10" big guy LEADING your team in assists.  He is perfect for what Thompson runs.  They exposed Louisville last night.  The game was more definitive then the final score indicated.  Louisville went to the "comeback well" one time too often, and also realized that coming back against GTown is much different than coming back against College of Charleston.


12)  I have a new rule.  If you are giving a stat and saying that hasn't happened since "..."  My rule?  It has to be more than, ummm, 6 years.  The Celtics are 0-3 for the first time since 2006.  Ok.  I get it. I know what the point is.  But, we are talking about the Celtics, a perennial winning franchise.  I was expecting that to be since "1978" or something.


13)  I hate it when you are on a multi-lane one way road, a car makes a left handed turn, and they bare a little right before the turn.  Half the time, they almost scratch against the car going by them in THEIR correct lane.  You are not driving a boat, people, where the vehicle's ass might veer the way you are turning.  Drive your freaking car normally and efficiently.  Pisses me off.


14)  So, Russell Westbrook and Kevin Durant had a spat.  I think they are fine, and I think they still are legitimate contenders.  Don't overreact on this.  Westbrook passed to a shooting guard who amazingly doesn't like to shoot it.  Westbrook coincidentally was also 0-13 at the time I believe.  Westbrook yells at the guy for not shooting it, and then Durant regulates.  They will be fine, and this is just a growing spat.  Realize how old these guys are.  They are scary good, scary seasoned already, but still scary young.  They WILL coexist, and realize that the team would be good without one of them, but can be GREAT with both of them.


15)  Dave Chappelle is freaking awesome.  I saw again that old skit of him making a Real World episode with only one white guy.  I will tread lightly on this, but just promise me you will Google this with the information I have provided, and enjoy.


16)  Thank you, Carmelo.  I can now get some sleep.  I was losing sleep because I didn't know what your opinion of the nixed Lakers/ Paul trade.  You have now told us that you think it should have gone through.  Sweet.  I can get back to my normal life.  Shut up, and show me that you have some slight interest in playing defense to balance your ridiculous scoring skills and easily the best jab step in bball right now.  See?  Are we cool, Melo?  You thought I was going to totally insult you, but I complimented you twice to finish out this thought.  Moving on.


17)  I am sad that we are getting near the beginning of tennis season, and Rafael Nadal is still mentioning injuries.  This kid is in his prime, and can have a special season with Federer pulling a Boyz to Men (end of the road joke, people), Andy Murray not figuring out how to win the FINAL game of a Slam Title, and the up and coming true talent just.  not. quite.  ready.


18)  The NHL.  You have old school teams at the top...and at the bottom.  The Bruins, Rangers, Blackhawks, and Canucks are some of the better teams in the league.  Then, you have teams like the Islanders and Canadiens who SO glad that Columbus has a team in the league.


19)  I treat snacks like a bad marriage.  HOLD ON.  DON'T skip ahead before hearing me out.  I have a point.  Anyway, I am married to Cheez-Its.  I will eat them forever, and think they taste the best of all snacks.  When I want to cheat on my snack wife, though, I have a bag of Cheetos.  I feel dirty when I eat them, and they are incredible.  Leading me into the second point on this take.  I had a bag of "baked, flaming hot" Cheetos today for my cheating excursion.  They were good, but I knew that original Cheetos are better still.  I won't get long-winded on this as I have a lot to get to, but let's just say this.  I don't care how many crazy flavors you throw at me, I am sticking with original Cheetos, Gatorade, and Cheez Its. 


20)  I love Rick Pitino.  However, I must crack on him.  Kills me.  He has let the world know that he will stop coaching in 2017 when his contract expires at Louisville.  Thanks, man.  Between you and Carmelo, you could split the atom.  I have a fancy phone for work, but don't use too many, actually ANY, of the bells and whistles.  Does my calendar even go UP to 2017 so I can put a reminder in that you are quitting?  Geez.  Stop clogging my sport wire, people.


21)  Colt McCoy isn't blaming the Browns staff about the whole concussion thing.  In a related story, Matt Damon is not blaming Robin Williams either.  It's not your fault.


22)  I can't imagine that NFL kickers and badass linebackers have beers together.  But.  If there ever WAS a time for these two opposite type players should, it is this week.  Von Miller?  Meet David Treadwell...the last Denver rookie to ever get named to the Pro Bowl.  Congrats, Von.  You are truly (think of something elegant and witty to write-this is a public blog) a BADASS.


23)  You grab the flux capacitor.  I will grab the DeLorean.  Someone else get that crazy Doc.  The NY Rangers are in first place, and Nirvana, Pearl Jam, Alice in Chains, Soundgarden, and Stone Temple Pilots rule the airwaves.


24)  You know that we are accustomed to NFL players not giving a shit about the Pro Bowl when there are SECOND alternates.


25)  Before the Lakers played on Tuesday, they showed a shot of Kobe Bryant warming up shooting.  I was not looking at Kobe.  My eyes darted to the background, where Luke Walton was apparently showing Woody Harrelson's opening scene stretches in White Men Can't Jump.  Shit was hilarious.


26)  Juwan Howard is still in the NBA.  Juwan is still a serviceable replacement, a class act, and plays for a possible championship team.  He is the last of the Fab Five to be on the court.  Wow.  Loved that team.  They single-handedly allowed bball players to wear comfortable baggy shorts, just like the Rocky IV speech stopped the Cold War (I am VERY aware that was a repeat joke from last time, but it fit in this thought and I LIKE the joke-MY BLOG).  Anyway, I remembering watching the Fab Five in college and every time Juwan scored, my roommate, Jamie, would yell at the TV "JU Want some of THIS???"


27)  Of the Big Three on the Celtics, I think they miss the following in order of most to least when they are hurt:
Paul Pierce
Kevin Garnett
Ray Allen
They look so much different and really bogged down without Paul's slashing skills.


28)  Commercial I think they should continue until I die.  Foster's.  I just saw the old one the other day where there are two rugby teams on the screen, and one guy doesn't have a beer.  He looks at the other team, who just opened a cooler of beer.  He walks over and grabs one.  Then the loud Australian voice says "free agent."


29)  I PROMISE to not make ONE joke on this point (come on, I can do it).  Good luck with the waiver wire and the scheduling.  The QB who lost his job because of the other QB and then it...no....being well-behaved...anyway, that guy can keep the other guy out of the playoffs.  KC-Denver.  Awesome.


30)  Give me one of those mini step up ladders.  I will shoot from there.  As the NBA season gets going, I still have no idea how you can not average 75% from the free throw line.  Before you ask me to prove it, I have done it while walking from a bar over to the rec court across the street-made 16-20.  Bet won.  Practice your free throws, people.  Confused.


31)  Did you hear NC State's Tom O' Brien totally work Suzy Kolber in the post game interview the other night after their win against Louisville?  She asked how he will respond to losing the large amount of seniors he had.  He responded by saying "seniors?  We don't have many seniors at all and we will be just fine."  Ouch.


32)  Rip Van Winkle take.  How LONG have I been asleep?  Andray Blatche of the Washington Wizards tweeted his discontent for not being "used" right on offense.  Really?  Did I miss something?  Dude, just because you are on a VERY bad basketball team that MIGHT run a play or two through you doesn't mean we need to hear from you.  At all.  Get good, and then get back to me.


33)  I am 39 and from Jersey (insert joke here-crowd participation is important in my rants).  Therefore, there are two things that are mandatory that I like no matter how embarrassing it may be.  I love Bon Jovi, and I love Top Gun.  Pretty sure I have subconsciously been using this term for years, but I am pretty sure that I have just made Top Gun an action verb.  Try this one out at parties.  If you are talking to someone and they mix up dates, names, etc., say " Don't Top Gun that shit."  (It is funny because what they said was...wait for it...wait...INVERTED)


34)  With LeBron on a team with two other superstars, should we just give the NBA scoring title to Kevin Durant right now?  Dude can truly ball.


35)  Love the guy, but can't BELIEVE Kevin Garnett didn't get a suspension for him Ted Nugenting Bill Walker in the opening game.  That is funny because Ted Nugent has the classic song "Stranglehold."  Wow.  I am on a new verb rampage.


36)  I won't talk about his second game, because it wasn't good, but I continue to be excited about Ricky Rubio.  His first game line?  6 pts, 6 assists, 5 rebounds, no TO.  Solid.


37)  66 game NBA season with several backs to backs to backs.  Elias is going nuts.  There is no history on this one.  I am tired THINKING about them doing that.  We are unfortunately going to see some bad basketball in those third games.  Maybe 50 games would have been a large enough control group.  I know you need the TV money, but think about how much more important each game would be.  Just saying.


38)  Just like I believe Case Keenum has been playing college ball for 15 years, I just FELT like Braylon Edwards had played for like 8 teams.  Three.  And about to be four.  Way off.


39)  The rich get richer.  LSU not only snagged the 2nd rated QB for next year's high school class, but they also got the QB with the coolest name.  Talk about a kid who was either going to be a shooting guard for Gonzaga (random pull) or the QB for LSU...Gunner Kiel?  Badass.


40)  Steve Kerr holds up five "golden rings" in that absolutely STUPID NBA commercial where they sing the famous Christmas carol.  On a VERY related side note, Michael Jordan just got engaged.  No word on whether Kerr gets to hit that shit when Michael is at games.


41)  Wow.  Sorry.  That last take was brutal.  My bad.


42)  I get teased because I still WRITE CHECKS to pay my bills.  I am aware of technology.  I am.  Hell, my fancy phone probably would do it, but I still want to feel the pain of money being sucked out of my checking account.


43)  The Miami Heat, except for that dismal win against...the powerhouse Charlotte Bobcats..., look really good.  I watched both of their opening games.  Eric is letting them run.  He is releasing the hounds, if you will.  Sure, their turnovers are going to be off the charts, but you can take that when half your baskets are coming off dunks from beating the defense down the floor.  Norson Cole, ex-Cleveland State's FOUR year starter (indicating the guy is more seasoned for a rookie and mature), stole the show in the second game and even got MVP chants.  That is all good and all, but the PG spot wins you a lot of games.  Mario Chalmers had four TO's in a minute in that game.  They brought in Cole, and he went on a roll.  I still don't understand a) why they didn't bring in ANY of the seasoned past their prime PG's(Bibby, Davis, etc.) b) why they don't run the triangle offense since they have tall ball handlers c) how you can gamble that, if Cole is going to be your man eventually, that he will pull a "Rondo," and win it all as a rookie.  One last note on that second game.  Marv Alberts has been around for a while.  He has seen LOTS of shit.  How the hell are you going to ask your announcing buddies if Miami should pull its starters with them up 14 against a very good team with 4 minutes left in the THIRD quarter?  Were you drunk, Marv?


44)  Conspiracy theory.  Take it or leave it.  I have a deal with myself.  I have a full head of curly hair.  I have made a pact that if I have ONE barber ask if I want a "comb over," that I will shave my head IMMEDIATELY.  I have even tested the shaved look...twice.  Apparently, I have a "nice skull."  Anyway, I noticed on Entertainment Tonight (they had it on at my GYM while I was changing-you think I have ANYTHING else but sports, Seinfeld, or Family Guy on in my apartment at any time?) that Matthew McConnaughey shaved his head.  He also had curly hair.  Just saying.  I think he had the same exact pact, and a barber broke the news to him.


45)  Damn.  A.I. had one of his records broken.  Moe Harkless from St. John's scored 32 points in his Big East debut.  Nice, man.  Still mad, though.


46)  I don't watch the weather.  I am teased at work for wearing shorts and sandals in 10 degree weather.  I truly don't watch it.  Unfortunately, ESPN doesn't have Denver weather flash up on the screen while showing SportsCenter.  Anyway, I AM  excited about THIS weather.  I LOVE the NHL Winter Classic.  Forecast for this weekend with the Rangers and Flyers?  Snow.  I don't watch too many early season NHL games, but I DO watch this game played outside every year.  I would put this slightly above the whole aircraft carrier college basketball games as best NEW ideas in sports in the last few years.


47)  I live in Denver, where the fact that we have two major highways and finally have an almost fully functioning LightRail makes us a large city.  How the HELL do we not find room for the Indiana/ Michigan State basketball game last night on a major cable channel?  Seriously?  Indiana was undefeated and has arguably the best freshman in the land in Cody Zeller, and Michigan State hasn't lost since its 0-2 start against...UNC and Duke.  Come on.


48)  Brady is having shoulder problems.  Brady is not having shoulder problems.  I hate to make fantasy football references, but just so you know, when he was on my team a couple years ago, he was questionable EVERY freaking week, and Bill Belichick thinks he is a hockey coach (doesn't have to disclose exact injuries-it is funny.  trust me).


49)  OK.  We got a HUGE problem.  I have not made ONE Seinfeld reference or Sky is Blue take.  Not that there is anything wrong with that.  Awareness is always the first step.  I need a freaking intern for this blog/ work/ workout/ watch sports life I lead.  We will call my corporation Fillerica (accent the second syllable).  Let's round up a posse (if you are keeping track, that is 3 Seinfeld references in a row).  Between now and Monday and to save my Sky is Blue take, I want the following people to drive themselves to a strip club:  Metta World Peace, Sebastian Janikowski, Jennifer Capriati, Diego Maradona, Randy Moss, Terrell Owens, Marcus Vick, Lawrence Phillips, Chad Ochocinco, DeShawn Stephenson, and whoever else you can cram in the car.  Screw it.  Invite Gerald McCoy and Sam Hurd also.  Pick up Pete Rose on the way there.  I want Marcus to drive.  Do it.  Do it now.


50)  NFL Predictions:
-NO over Carolina:  Forget playoff seeding.  There is NO way Payton lets Brady sniff Brees new record.
-NE over Buff:  Come on.  Do I need to explain my reasoning on this one?
-Chicago over Minn:  I actually took the away team in a "who cares" game.  Wow.
-NYJ over Miami: Maybe Reggie Bush will talk shit to Rex Ryan after this game.  He is smaller than Jacobs.
-San Fran over St. Louis:  Everyone settle down.  Alex Smith should NOT be in MVP talks, Pro Bowl talks, etc.,  but St. Louis is just bad.
-Detroit over GB: RELAX.  Just because Rodgers MIGHT play a quarter.
-Philly over Wash:  Do NOT take the underDOGS in this one, people. He He He.
-Jax over Indy:  There IS a rushing title to be decided still.  Drew runs all over them.
-Tennessee over Houston:  I have NEVER seen such a good team with such a bad QB as the Texans.
-Seattle over Arizona:  They are hot, people.  Too little too late, but still hot.
-Atlanta over TB: Fighting for the playoffs playing the biggest letdown in the NFL this year.
-Cincy over Baltimore:  They are home.  I SWEAR it has NOTHING to do with the fact that I need Baltimore to lose. Swear.
-Pitt over Cleveland:  I haven't picked Pittsburgh to lose SINCE...I was born...probably why I shouldn't gamble, aye?
-Oakland over SD:  The miracle of December football in SD is over.  Palmer will throw for 1000 yards in this game...with 15 interceptions.
-Giants over Dallas: with an immediate call to Jeff Fisher after the game by "unknown caller/ Jerry Jones."


51)  That's it.  I am tired.  I was going to try and stop this at take 50, but went over.  I guess then this is the Van Halen closing (5150).  I hope you found that this rant was "Good Enough..."


51a)  Holy shit.  Just done my rant, but check out the end of the Dallas/ OKC game.  Wow.  Kevin Durant is simply...good.


51b)  I just saw a commercial that said Moneyball was nominated for Best Picture.  Yay.