Well, let's give them something to drink! To the cliffs!

Read it, don't read it, I don't care...just needed to get some things off my chest.


In no particular order of chronology or importance...


OK.  Reaching here for my theme.  But after the amount of takes that are below, I am tired.  Chose "300" because the NBA season just started, and take 30 teams times 10 plus players on each, and you get 300 plus...a few.


"It's an honor to die by your side."
"It's an honor to have lived by yours."


1) Bengals WR Jerome Simpson pulled easily the play of the year in the NFL.  No coach would ever tell him he should have done that.  No coach would believe that he could actually even pull it off.  It was kind of like a bad shot in basketball, except for it goes in.  He stuck the landing AND scored a TD by jumping over the defender.  Absolutely amazing.  Nicely done, man.  Do a few more of those next week and allow my Steelers to get the #2 seed.


2)  A fan wrote into the Mike and Mike show and put down his Colts for...winning.  Really?  Luck is good.  We know that.  True, also, that I don't know what it feels like for my team to be in contention for the #1 draft pick.  The Steelers are usually good.  That being said, I can't imagine one scenario where I would be rooting against my team in a football game.


3)  I had to go to a bar to watch the games on Saturday, as the Broncos are evidently the only team allowed to be in their time slot.  I got two things out of the experience.  How come every Raiders fan...just looks like a Raiders fan?  Also, I had the privilege of seeing a guy wearing a wife beater/ tank top looking shirt that said "I'm a Virgin."  Dude.  Come on.  Just because I don't have great fashion sense doesn't mean I don't recognize the line between funny and stupid.


4)  I forgot to mention this last rant.  My apologies.  I had made fun of Barry Bonds getting ONLY 30 days of house arrest and 2 years probation.  Now, I find out he is APPEALING the charges.  I didn't realize that when your head was getting larger at such a fast rate because of 'roids that you were amazingly LOSING brain cells.


5)  One movie I will see, and one I won't.  Contraband looks like a newer version of The Town at first glance.    Haywire looks like the newer version of Salt/ the female version of Bourne at first glance.  We are just simply running out of ideas.


6)  Curious about UVA's Tony Bennett's coaching prowess?  He just lost James Johnson, the FOURTH basketball player from his first recruiting class.  Ironically, they are ranked for the first time in a long time.  I would like to keep players moving forward, but however you are doing it, keep it up.  Your defense is immaculate, bro, and the way bball needs to be played.


7)  Talk about things that make me feel like I wasn't very motivated when I was a kid.  Jordan Romero just became the youngest person to climb the highest peak on all seven continents at age 15.  Little did I know that the previous record was merely age 16 by George Atkinson.  Seriously.  Don't like having house parties and going to the movies?  Wow.


8)  Cam Newton just broke Peyton Manning's record for most passing yards by a rookie.  I heard some idiot on TV mention that it could be the best season EVER by a rookie.  Umm.  Are they kind of spacing out on Dickerson's 1800 plus rookie campaign?  Fine.  Get caught up in great event's moments.  Just don't freaking forget about past greats when you open your mouth.  Quite bothersome.


9)  The good week continued for USC football.  Barkley stays, TJ McDonald, their stud safety, then announces HIS unfinished business.  Then, they pull the 2nd ranked JUCO recruit in the land.  Watch out, people.  Being off their 2 year ban and having a lot of talent who has dealt with that ban, they are going to be pretty pissed off next year.


10)  I really like the Volkswagen test drive commercials.  I find the Vegas one and the family one in the garage one both equally funny.


11)  If they haven't figured out how to implement MLB penalties for actions outside of an actual MLB game, they will very soon.  Check out the slap/ shove by Torrealba at the umpire in the Venezuela League.  He is now banned from the rest of this season AND next season.  It was horrible, a total loss of cool by a VETERAN no less, and he should get a very stern talking to by Mr. Selig when he comes back for the MLB season.


12)  Some coaches jump to early to dream jobs, and some I can't figure out for the life of me why they are staying.  Chris Peterson is not interested in the Penn State job.  Sure, that is not just a dream job, but following a university icon who people sing happy birthday on his lawn even while having legal problems.  I get it.  I have never been to Boise.  Is it nice?  Is there something there I don't know about that is keeping him there?  Do I need to go visit?  Something's missing in this story.


13)  Well, I have been saying that I won't fully be on my own Baylor basketball bandwagon until I see some talent at the point guard position.  We are about to find out, right before conference season starts.  Gary Franklin, their transfer from Cal, is now eligible.  Nice win AT BYU, a very tough place to play, and now keep it going.  Your half court sets have looked fine without Franklin, but they will need him for a long run.  With the talent on that roster, it SHOULD be a long run.


14)  Has anyone else noticed that Pitt football, which by the way has NINE national championships (I know.  Just one in 70 years, but whatever), has had 6 coaches in 13 months?  With Penn State in turmoil, you have to have some stability at that position NOW.  You need to capitalize.


15)  I commented on Todd Mayo a couple weeks ago here.  He is the brother of super-recruit OJ Mayo who was not even a top 100 recruit.  He plays for Marquette and he is hitting his stride even more than when I was writing about him a couple weeks ago.  Kid can ball.


16)  The Cuse are #1 for the third week in a row.  Sure, as someone reminded me this past week, they literally JUST played their first true road game.  Sure, the level of competition has been subpar.  I think they look good.  I don't think they should be checking out French Quarter hot spots just yet, but they are legit.


17)  Harvard is ranked again in basketball.  Teams at the bottom of the rankings fell off and allowed them to sneak in again, but I am a believer.  Between 20-25 sounds just about right to me from here out.


18)  Adrian Peterson blew out his ACL this weekend.  They are expecting about 10 months of rehab.  I feel your pain, except that I wasn't a star NFL running back when I busted up mine.  Slight difference.  Anyway.  Dude.  I would check out Wes Welker as your idol now as he made it back in 7 months, and try not to talk to Edgerrin James, as he made it back as a shadow of himself.  Good luck.  It is not a fun ride.


19)  I am glad the Saints are still fighting hard for seeding and are playing Atlanta in a very meaningful game.  Of course, I am happy for Brees for having a shot at Marino's record, but it is much better and legit that they aren't in a situation where they could possibly bench starters.  Scary he might do it by the end of this rant WITH another freaking game left.


20)  There are times to defer the kickoff and there are times to not.  Ditka did it here and there back in '85 just because he had that defense.  I understand.  Here is the thing.  If I am a bad Chicago team playing a pissed off, great team like the Packers AT their crib, I am grabbing that ball first if the coin toss goes my way.  Confused.  By the way, the Pack went right down and scored on that first drive.


21)  In case I have NEVER mentioned it before, I hate Cris Collingsworth announcing games.  I haven't figured out whether it is his voice, or some of the idiotic things that come out of his mouth.  I just know it is not fun for me.


22)  I like Bob Huggins.  How should I put this?  Umm.  Let's just say that some of those old Cincy teams he had I would feel comfortable in an alley fight with.  Well, I guess he is bringing some of the same quality kids into WVA now.  Aaric Murray, a forward on the team, just got possession charges against him.  Come on, kid.  You are a player on a top flight program with scouts watching.  You have a chance for the next level.  Stay off the dope.


23)  I have noticed that since I have stopped addressing that QB by his proper name and don't have long frustrated takes, that he has dropped two straight, one they deserved and one they should have won.  So, on that note, I am going to smile and move on...he he he.  I will just quote Tommy Lee Jones in Under Siege.  "Yes. Of Course!  Hence the name:  movement.  It moves a certain distance, and then it stops.  You see?"  (Also, I think it is CLASSIC that Orton gets a clean shot at denying him the playoffs)


24)  Unlike the Torrealba incident, I kind of was hoping for a little more out of that Brandon Jacobs/ Rex Ryan exchange.  Rex Ryan deserves something from SOMEONE.


25)  I admit my mistakes.  One of my favorite movies I quoted in the last rant, and I misquoted it.  Embarrassing.  In the speech from the sports movie that single handedly stopped the Cold War (seriously), Rocky says "everybody can change,"  not "everyone can change."  My bad.


26)  They took a survey of NFL players, and with all of these concussion rules, the majority said they would do their best to hide their symptoms if being tested.  That is great and very noble, but it kind of reminds me of that football commercial a few years ago.  Something tells me that if you think your name is "Batman," that it will be pretty tough to disguise that.  Just saying.


27)  Wow. Teams are quicker to offer extensions to coaches sometimes than I would be in bed with Halle Berry.  I know Ron Wilson of the Maple Leafs is one of the best active coaches out there.  I get it.  However, they just threw a 3 year contract mid-season when the team hasn't made the playoffs in the last 3 years.  Great franchise, great history, and I just think you could have held that carrot out there a little longer.


28)  It is not like Cincinnati hasn't come close to a Super Bowl championship.  They have had great years in their history.  How the hell isn't anyone showing up for their games as fans?  They have a showdown with Baltimore to try and clinch a playoff berth and they are "begging" fans to show up.  The Florida Marlins I get.  They are an expansion franchise.  The Bengals have been around for a while-they came into the league the year after the first Super Bowl.  Fans.  Show up.  I am not supposed to like Cincy because I am a Pittsburgh fan, but the only reason I can think to not like you is because you can't fill your own stadium.


29)  If I am rooting for anyone on the NFC side now, it is the Lions.  I never saw that demolition over the Chargers coming.  Not at all.  Sure, I made the joke about the Chargers in December, but you guys smoked them.  Not saying you are going to do it with some really good football teams on your side in Green Bay, New Orleans, Atlanta, San Fran, etc., but I will be rooting for you if you care.


30)  Hey, Xavier basketball.  I toot your horn, and then you get in a fight on the basketball floor and then drop 3 straight games?  You are good.  Just play.  Growing pains against teams you should be beating.  You are not exactly playing a Michigan State schedule.


31)  I hear the Rays are "interested" in Jorge Posada.  It just feels like teams are still going to be "interested" in him 10 years from now also.  The guy either has a DeLorean, or is aging like Case Keenum.


32)  Bruce Pearl built a basketball program at a football school, no matter what things we know he did wrong.  He changed the culture like Billy Donovan did at Florida.  Pearl is out.  Then, a mass exodus of recruits occurs.  Cuonzo Martin steps in.  Just to let you know, he just pulled the #15 recruit in the nation and a 5 star prospect, Jarnell Stokes.  You have a way to go, but can't find fault in that start.


33)  Fact that I am not proud of.  The Steelers are -11 or thereabout in turnover margin for the year.  They are the only team in the bottom five with a winning record.


34)  I have noticed that when Charlie Batch plays that Hines Ward gets a LOT more looks.  As conservative as they play with Batch, I don't think that is a good thing.  Safety blankets are good I suppose,  and so is playing conservative with a backup, but is it so hard to see Brown's, Sanders', and Wallace's speed with a headset on the sideline?  One more Steeler note (I try not to blog TOO much about them, but it is one of the games I watch start to finish-cut me a break).  Stat I would NEVER had guessed with all of the great players who have played for them, and more proof that more often than not, it is more about TEAM as opposed to stars.  Who has the most amount of yards from scrimmage than anyone else in Steelers' history?  Antonio Brown.  This year.


35)  I am slightly confused.  I know Lexus has been doing this bow on a car for Christmas present shit for years.  That being said, they had these new commercials this year where the person HEARS the theme song and knows they are getting a car.  I am not busting on your status, Lexus.  I am just saying your song being a "household" song is like saying that everyone knows who Anthony Davis is.  Certain circles, and not there yet.


36)  I continue to put Cholula on everything.  It continues to work.


37)  Justin Bieber must read my blogs.  I broadcast how cool I think he is for attending all of these professional teams' practices and he comes out with a song with Busta Rhymes.  Keep it up, bro, although don't worry about burning me any cd's or giving me concert tix.  Your songs make me think that Hanson just split up into a bunch of solo acts.  Like the poor man's version of New Edition.  Holy shit.  That was kind of funny if you are in my age bracket at least.


38)  The Wagner basketball team took down Pitt.  It was their first win over a ranked opponent since 1978.  I have no comment, except that that is a long time.  Congrats, guys.


39)  Did you want Cabbage Patch kids back in the eighties or Air Jordans of the 2012's for Christmas?  Wow.  Dude has been retired for a WHILE, and still invokes a riot subconsciously.  I will stick with my $14.95 Starbury's.  Hey, Kobe.  I bet you can't pull THAT shit years after your retirement.  Take THAT and remind it back.


40)  How did I do in my NFL predictions?
Cincy over Arizona:  WIN
Tenn over Jax: WIN
Oakland over KC: WIN
NE over Miami: WIN
NYG over NYJ: WIN
Pitt over St. Louis: WIN
Wash over Minn:  I did disclaimer it by saying, "Who cares?"
Carolina over Tampa: WIN
Baltimore over Cleveland: WIN
SD over Detroit:  Good stuff, Lions.
Philly over Dallas: WIN
Denver over Buffalo: I FINALLY pick them and they get smoked.
Seattle over San Fran: Hey.  You have to try some upsets, and it only was two points for Pete's sake.
GB over Chicago: WIN
Atlanta over NO: Well, it is 14-10.  Not a bad call so far.


10-4, with one in progress.  Whatever.  Not bad.


35)  Yay.  The NBA is back.  My random thoughts from the first day:
-Knicks beat the Celtics.  21 pts is not bad, but I still think Amare should get more touches.


-Heat over Mavs:  They are benefiting from less media coverage and an obvious invigorated focus.  Right after the Mavs raise the banner.  Ouch.  That final score was nothing like how the game went, people. It was a massacre.


-Bulls over the Lakers:  It will take a while for Hamilton to integrate.  It might take his headgear longer, but they will be fine.  MVP what?  Nice last shot, Rose.


-Thunder over Magic:  They guys are really good, people.  And that Howard trade is the matter of when and who, not if.


-Clippers over Warriors:  These guys are also really good, people.  And my new favorite player anchors them.  They are a Kia...who just got a Hemi.


-Kobe's wrist will be fine.  After watching the game, I believe that.  He has no supporting cast like years before, and will definitely miss Shannon Brown and Odom, but his wrist is ok.


-Stern gets booed by the Mavs fans.  Wow.  What are you so angry about down there?  You non-athletic squad stole a championship.  Feel good and open doors for people on your walk to work.  Even AFTER Christmas.


-The Celtics lose Jeff Green to heart surgery.  They turn around and immediately pick up Mickael Pietrus.  Great pickup.  Similar player, seasoned, and I still think he is playing under his potential still.


-Watching Charles Barkley in Weight Watcher commercials is funny. Your nickname is the "Round Mound of Rebound."  I don't care if it is healthy or not.  I think you should not be allowed to lose weight.


-Another season goes by, and I still watch a telecast where two different people pronounce Dirk's last name in two different ways.  Maybe figuring out how to pronounce his last name was Costanza's project where he got the directions standing outside the bathroom.  It's all DOWNTOWN, George.


-I like the refs not calling the shooting motion fouls where the players hear the whistle and then then shoot it.  Chauncey Billups and Kevin Durant were feasting on it, and now we have to stop the "movement."


-Kendrick Perkins still needs to stay out of foul trouble for the Thunder to take it all, but dude obviously worked hard in offseason.  You are 31 lbs lighter, and are truly streamlined, along with still looking like a total badass.  I would have thought you played at Cincy under Huggins if I didn't know you came right out of HS.


-There is a Sprint commercial with all of the big name NBA players continuously passing to each other.  I am fine with the commercial, except that the first player named is DJ Augustin.  What?


-Richard Hamilton is still wearing a headband.  I found out it is against team rules.  He has gotten an exemption.  Evidently the story he made up about it holding on his headgear better...worked.  I personally want to stick with my story, whether it is true or not, that you wear it because you got good for the next ten games.  Don't give me a fragile nose story.  Kind of like I continue telling everyone that John McEnroe once said "if you are going to miss, miss big.  Don't paint the line.  Hit it in the stands."  I am older now.  I don't think he said it.


-Everyone take it easy watching the first few weeks of the season.  It WILL be sloppy.  It is to be expected.  Basketball is a "groove" and "chemistry" game.  Let them get both.  Shortened offseason.  Cut them some slack.


-Garnett goes "Suh" after missing the last shot against the Knicks.  I know you are frustrated that you Big Three only have one title, but take it easy.  First game?  Stay classy and just LOOK mean as shit.


-Dwayne Wade is a freaking shooting guard.  He was ranked 24th last year in BLOCKED SHOTS.  Dude can freaking ball.  And nice block on Dirk, bro, Sunday.  Dirk is 7'0" by the way.


-Derrick Rose got benched at the end of the first quarter.  I wish he spoke better in interviews, but guy is a freaking class act.  He goes 4-4 in 2nd quarter, doesn't even mention it at halftime, and carried himself perfectly.  I like Tim laying down the law for anyone-star player or not, and I like the star player not throwing a fit.


-We might not like Kobe, but it must be weird in those timeouts these days.  Because Mike Brown looks NOTHING like the Zen-Master, and doesn't really have any jewelry either.  I am waiting for Kobe to break NBA rules and wear all of his rings DURING the game.


-It could be the Bobcats against the Wizards.  When Hubie Brown is announcing a game, I am in heaven.  He did the Bulls/ Lakers game.  The guy just simply...knows.  his.  shit.


-On that note, it was still funny to listen to him adjust to Metta World Peace's name.  He kept saying "Ron.  I mean Metta."  On a side note, when he entered the game, I almost rolled off the couch when they said "Merry Christmas.  We bring you World Peace."  That is funny.


-Speaking of Hubie Brown...How the HELL do we allow Van Gundy to get on a plane and announce his second game, when we only get one by Hubie Brown?  I like Van Gundy for what he is.  However, I think that Marc Jackson going to coaching has made Van Gundy lose his luster with me.  I think their arguing made the broadcast previously.


-Is it every 2nd year that we say these words?  "If Vince Carter plays like a shadow of himself, they could really be good."  Good luck, Mavs.


-On that note, nice first game Lamar.  You get kicked out?  Don't we know you as the classy player?  Were you trying to get to the locker room so you could catch the tip of the Lakers game?


-I missed Invesco Field switching to Sport Authority Field, and I missed this.  DeShawn Stephenson went to the Nets.  Dude, I am FROM Jersey.  I am so excited for you.  You did enough dumb things off the court in Dallas.  Jersey will be the ultimate for you.  You will have SO many ways to get in trouble.  Make me proud.  Go get a 40 of St. Ides, go to a strip club, and call your ex-girlfriend...or just drive home.  Whatever.  It ALL works.


36)  I feel like Brees might have Marino's record right after halftime.  Geez.  


37)  I just saw a commercial for the Kennedy Center Honors.  I laughed out loud, because cellist Yo-Yo Ma is going to be performing.  If you don't know why that is funny for me, then you need to either watch more Seinfeld or I might need to watch less.


38)  Thanks, Raheem Morris.  We appreciate the Bucs coach in telling us that he "would never fire himself."  You have a point.  You WERE a coach of the year candidate last year.  But 9 straight losses?


39)  Yes.  I DID notice there were no sky is blue, grass is green takes in this rant.  It is stream of consciousness.  I just FEEL them coming on.  I promise we will have a good one next time.  Now some athlete go out and do something stupid, dammit.  DeShawn?


40)  Patrick Warburton.  You can do all of the cartoon voices, Honda commercials, bee movies, etc. you want.  You are always Putty to me.  Actually, NO ONE from Seinfeld EVER try to have a second career.  You made a lot of money.  Everyone.  Just chill.  Retire.


40a)  OK.  The Falcons are now getting smoked.  10-5.  Whatever.


41)  That's it.  As the future QB from the Broncos would say, NOW I'm done.  Peace, all.  May the force be with you.