Read it, don't read it, I don't care...just needed to get some things off my chest.
In no particular order of chronology or importance...
I don't sell shrimp chips.
1. Well, I am starting this rant after the first quarter of this VERY strange football game. A bunch of large, fast people defending a gimic UF offense, with a bunch of snapshots of people "tebowing" in between. I don't remember ever hearing during an NFL game the term "inverted wishbone," but it happened...and it wasn't a joke. I know that there are contractual limitations, but we couldn't pull Urban Meyer for this game. I would love to hear him irritating me with things like "oh, that is the old wide loop Indiana back pitch play just like we used to run at UF." Another thing. Did EAS miss on this or WHAT? They have like 4 commercials they had to shelf when Brady Quinn became a backup. Now they have to watch him play 3rd string behind America's love affair. They should record a 5 or 20 minute mega commercial with Mr. Tebow.
2. We need two rule changes in college basketball. Dibs to the powers that be for bringing in the charging circle into play. We needed that. Now, get to work on tie-ups going alternate possession and being able to call a time-out when you are trapped in the corner. One of those is obviously easier to make a rule change than the other. I get that.
3. Woods and Stricker get SMOKED in the first round of the President's Cup by a record amount of strokes. They didn't make a birdie, and get worked 7 and 6. There are 3 more days of course, but he evidently have much match play magic in this one. His only redeeming grace is that he had a fall guy with him, so you can't totally be sure whether he was the problem.
4. I see that Pujols is out of his drunken stupor and returned to talk with the Cardinals. I am not saying that he should go with the Cards. I am just saying that I think there was a HUGE party down in Florida, 3 guys all got put in a 3 day coma, and they were kept in solitude while the media said they were "talking" with them. Have you three even LOOKED at the stands during their games?
5. Headline that threw me for a loop and made me realize how all of the dumb things athletes do in their off time make us think that most ambiguous headlines will be bad. "WR Cruz parties at club-1 dead." I guess I should have figured it out on my own on how high it was on the wire, but it was relatively harmless. He was out. No curfew. He was at a normal night club. A separate entity part of people HAPPENED to have someone die. No worries. Thought I had a new member of my "team," but you were doing things right. Metta World Peace and Owens won't tolerate that righteous shit.
6. The sky is blue and the grass is green. Thanks for letting me know, San Francisco Giants, that you would like to extend Lincecum's contract. Glad you guys are splitting the atom over there and are letting us know about it.
7. I have never kidnapped anyone, so I won't pretend to know much about it. "GIVE ME BACK MY SON!" Anyway, there are EIGHT suspects in the Wilson Ramos deal. Holy shit, that is a large operation. Can I get a couple minutes before you lock those guys away to pick their brain and see if the flow chart I made on a napkin at lunch today was anywhere close?
8. Speaking of things I don't pretend to know a lot about. Shhh. This is a...secret. I am not going to stop my day for it or anything-it has to be a subconscious, accidental TV turn on. But. I think if I could guarantee that the two contenders could be in the top five in the last 20 laps, I think I might be able to watch WITH interest the end of the last Chase race with Stewart and Edwards. Put it in the vault. Actually, I should look up what day that race is if I am going to accidentally turn it on. They are on Sundays, right? They have that minor league race on Saturday, and the trucks on Friday? Am I close?
9. Tosh.O owes me money or SOMETHING. He HAS to. I was watching a little bit of his show the other night and he used one of my lines. A line that used to irritate a good amount of my friends, but I used it anyway. When playing beer pong a while back, and after one of the biggest NFL busts of all time, I coined a phrase. If you were shooting at the other side, and you air-mailed all of the cups, you had to yell "JaMarcus." (you probably all follow this joke, but it is because he overthrew everyone with his inaccurate arm) Tosh showed a clip of people missing other people with a ball. He said "who do they think they are? JaMarcus Russell?" Like it. Send me the check in the mail. If I was on either side of the fence with that guy, I am more in favor of him now. In the same episode, he also pulled a European Siren/ Jason Bourne reference, which I also dug.
Solid, Tosh.
10. I love making lists, and I love reading lists. I think I read every "power ranking" in every sport out there. I love them.
11. Terry Francona has been on the wire for like 3 days for telling us that "he will not manage in 2012." What gives? Flash it up there and let me know, but 3 days? Are we lacking news? I think I would rather read follow up interviews with Klinsman and his HUGE win against...Slovenia. That is reaching, but you get the point.
12. I watched Workaholics for the first time the other night. Wow, that show is out there, vicious, and funny as hell. I might need to make it a regular thing. Any show that makes a DARYL VHS tape reference with the actual prop is A-List in my book.
13. I am SO excited that college basketball started, but for those who really don't love the sport, and until I figure out how to do my format when the season REALLY heats up, I will compress it into one long take so you non-fans can gloss over.
14. Packer John Jolly is sentenced to 6 years of prison. After reading about all of the athletes get let off for charges where they need to serve time, I am bothered by this one. He is a codeine addict. Read the account. It is not...ummm...horrifying like others who HAVE gotten off. I am not saying I am on this guy's side, and I only know 40% of the story due to my media rules, but I think this guy would benefit more by getting help at rehab, not being locked up.
15. Oddity. This NFL game has more running than passing, leading most of the time to faster games. It is two hours in, and there is still 9 minutes left in the 3rd quarter. I am blogging, so not noticing it as much, but this thing is tracking a little long for this type of game.
16. Not going for the big game and probably a great hire: Dale Sveum to the Cubs. GOING for a big name because they are the Red Sox: Bobby Valentine getting action by the Red Sox.
17. Two changes so far in the MLB. The first I have no problem with. The Astros go to the AL. Now you sons of bitches can play the Yankees more, YA BASTARDS! (Seinfeld reference-I am not saying that those bad words for no reason) Plus, the Astros kind of just FEEL like an AL team. I don't know what that means, but it makes sense to me. The second change really bothers me. I love basketball, and I hate all of the teams that make the playoffs. I love hockey, and I am slightly bothered by all of the party crashers. But baseball has kept it clean. Selig is pushing his luck and should have just rode off into the sunset. You got rationally lucky with the wildcard introduction years ago. It worked out. It is exciting. It isn't overkill. But 10 teams? Getting in the gray area now. I know it is only a one game playoff for the extra team in each league, but I liked what you have going already. If it ain't broke, don't fix it.
18. Gary Pinkel of Missouri has his team fighting for bowl game eligibility. You might have found him watching tape of Texas Tech. You might have found him going over playbooks. You might have found him mapping out the weekend's schedule with his kids. You might have. His solution? Let's go get loaded and drive in the MIDDLE of the week. Nice work, bro. Way to aim high.
19. You will not be surprised that Clayton won the National League Cy Young. You will not be surprised he beat Halladay and Lee (Kershaw won the Triple Crown). You will not be surprised that he got 27 of 32 first place votes. You WILL be surprised about this. That kid is 23 years old. Wow.
20. Oh, and in case you live in a sports bubble, Verlander wins the Al MVP. Here is the oddity to me in my last two takes. It is not who won. It was how it was announced. They announced the AL Cy Young one day, then the managers of the year, then the National League Cy Young. Little oddities make my mind think. I dwell on these things. I just don't get the rationale here. Whatever. Moving on.
21. Hmmmm...a Steelers bye week...now if only I could remember what I did on Sundays before the season began. What? Oh, that's right. There ARE other games on. What bad luck. I finally get a week where I don't have to fight for TV and sound rights with the Broncos fans, and neither of them play Sunday.
22. My team's QB gets a broken thumb, my QB on my hot fantasy team (5 straight) goes down for the year...not a good week for that stuff. Guess who I picked up? Yup. Matt Leinart. I feel a made for TV movie coming.
23. I am a cop. I am Santa Claus. Who is Santa Claus? (Don't google it. Figure it out. You have another movie quote coming)
24. NBA games are cancelled through December 15th. We are now 10 days from me having to find Xmas plans. Damn.
25. In the Sporting News magazine I am going to read every word and cover to cover that goes year by year, here is another few highlights of ONE single page. In case you are wondering, I have an odd habit. I read all magazines backwards. I have no idea why, but just wanted to explain the backtracking in years from last rant. 1976-1978. Thrilla in Manila. Griffin wins 2nd Heisman. Reggie Jackson homers on 3 consecutive pitches...in the World Series. Bucky Dent's home run wins AL East. Indiana gets the last undefeated season. Dr. J wins the first dunk contest. Peter Seitz overturns baseball's reserve clause (HAD to sneak that one in). Then the eternal oddity. Carlton Fisk hits his famous home run, and then they lose a game later to the Big Red Machine. This magazine is going to take me YEARS to read...especially backwards.
26. Red Sox made an offer to bring Ortiz back for another year. Do it. He helped get you two championships. You two owe each other one more year.
27. The Redskins have lost 5 straight, the Bills are back to being the Bills, the tides have found equilibrium, and all is back to normal back in the world. That was a hell of a 4 week or so Pittsburgh Pirate ride you put us on. It is like Michael J, Fox finally hit 88 miles an hour down that really, really short street.
28. By the way, I read this the other day. Since I was curious about it myself, I thought I would share. A guy who gets to follow sports FULL time without another job wrote a column that clarified something. Whenever you read that a college player is suspended a game or two for "breaking team rules," about 75% of the time that violation is drugs. I maybe conjured that, but it was glad to hear it from someone else.
29. New category. The "why do I care and why are you in the top ten stories of the day" headline. "USC receiver Woods misses practice." Gee. Thanks. NOW I can get some sleep tonight. I was totally wondering about his status.
30. What do we have left? NFL power rankings, Penn State, NCAA basketball, and FBS picks...
31. NFL. I have taken a random power ranking and made one comment on each:
-Packers-I am sticking with my call. They will lose to the Giants two weeks from now. Eli won't have any deer in headlights look.
-49ers-Alex Smith/ Joe Montana...you say tomato, I say tomahto...jk...anyone doubt that Harbaugh can coach NOW? Something tells me that Stanford wouldn't have lost that Oregon game with him.
-Saints-WOW, these guys are under the radar...I think they are still passing too much, but that is why I am just a blogger.
-Steelers-they got swept by the Ravens and will still win the division. Not being a homer. Check out their schedule, people.
-Bears-I love Hester, and I dislike Jeff George...uhhh.. I mean Jay Cutler.
-Ravens-If only they could play the Steelers each week instead of the Seattle, Tennessee, and Jacksonville...are you KIDDING me? Just plain weird.
-Giants-pretty sure they are taking the NFC East AND taking down the Pack
-Pats-whatever. I will never write these guys off with one of my man crushes on there and a NFL, non-fashionable genius guiding them
-Texans-Any Given Sunday Sequel. You have a bye week. You have a good team. You have NO pressure from behind you. If you can't do THIS, then you are a loser, Leinart.
-Lions-They got good just in time before Goodell was thinking about taking them off the Thanksgiving game. Nice timing.
32. Penn State. I am not going to do a long take on this. We find out McQueary might have done something during the incident. Great. You tell us you reported it to the cops. They say no. Sweet. The Costas interview with Sandusky. Does that guy KNOW he sounds like he is guilty of this shit? Creepy. You need to keep that guy off the mic. Penn State hires a law firm. Of course. Hire like 25 of them. You will need them. Victims coming forth right and left, spirited by the group that is coming forward. Crazy. Now. NOW. What comes out today? If you thought it couldn't get weirder, it just did. A Syracuse basketball assistant is now involved. You couldn't write this shit. PLEASE tell me. PLEASE. Tell me that Boeheim knew nothing, because if I lose two of my favorite coaches in a month or two, I am going to lose it.
33. I CAN'T believe that I just watched Tebow win another game. Damn. 9-20 for 104 yds? and you win against the Jets? WTF. Sorry, mom. I didn't spell it out this time.
34. College bball. This won't be that long (I might just have to write a separate blog for that). We are at 34 takes. Ready? Here we go.
-Florida loses to OSU, but much closer than game actually was. Four guards are fun, Billy, but they are not going to beat a team that is big, fundamentally sound, and good shooters. That Beal kid for UF is going to be good by the way.
-Baylor "survives" SDSU. RELAX, announcers. Chemistry was a problem last year, the talent is there, and their freshman are studs. They need to rent a point guard for the year, but let's not all jump ship yet.
-Mich St./ Duke. AWESOME. You have the mentor announcing the game of his recruit and apprentice who breaks HIS record. AWESOME. One has more titles, one has the undefeated season. Another game that APPEARED much closer than it was. Hey, Michigan State, play a couple directional schools.
-the palindrome game...KU-UK (racecar is your hint- you learned it in 5th grade). Terrence Jones looks like a player who STILL looks like he needs to be reminded that you will get more 3 pt looks that you can make (amazing) if you take it to the hole about 3 times more often. Don't settle. You are tall and very talented. That is one SICK squad. UNC final. That would be awesome.
-Memphis handles Belmont. Belmont won't go away. Get them early, people, and hope you don't face them in the tourney.
That is enough for now. I have all season to be excited about this.
35. FBS picks (I am about 70% for the season):
-Iowa -3 at Purdue. Uhhh. I feel like I am reading a different sport's spread. Is this lacrosse or something?
-Clemson -8 at NC State. Not as strong on this one, but I like it.
-Utah -3.5 at Wash St. They HAVE to win a game they should at SOME point.
-Stanford -18 home against Cal. The "wrath of Andrew Luck" doesn't sounds very cool, but it exists.
-Ohio St. -7 home against Penn State. Hate to pick on the Sad Valley folks, but...
-Houston -20 home against SMU. Case saw Luck possibly go down for Heisman. He is going to take it easy and only throw 7 touchdowns.
-Miami -1 at South Florida. Talent. Bring it before your scholarships are cut.
36. That's all folks. As one shepherd said to the other, I am getting the flock out of here. Or as my movie theme would say, There is a time for diplomacy and a time for action. Diplomacy is dead. Peace.
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