Read it, don't read it, I don't care...just need to get some things off my chest.
In no particular order of chronology or importance...
I play. Coach stays. He goes. I go...
1. We were all excited for Oklahoma/ Oklahoma state. Well, at least me and everyone in the state of Oklahoma. Who would have thought that OU was the team that didn't hold up its end of the bargain? Texas Tech. At home? Oklahoma State is now #3 in the BCS poll. Texas Tech. Here you have an offense that will always put up points, a defense that is scarily consistently bad, and they just plug in some oddly named QB in the system every year, lose against teams they should beat, and then pull ONE SINGLE big upset a year. Seth Doege? I am SO glad I am retired from betting, because whatever the spread was, I would have taken OU at home minus the points and lost.
2. More proof that throwing on a field to a receiver in shorts is different from matching up with some of the best athletes in the world. Carson. It could have been storybook, but then the reality of p=mv snuck in the story. I don't think the makers of Hoosiers and Field of Dreams are losing any sleep right now.
3. I KNOW. Let me just get it out of the way. Give me a break. Picking a team out of the top ten to be the national champion? Gutsy. But. Wisconsin is now dead. I had enough concerns about whether their schedule would allow them to leapfrog anyone if all of these teams remain unbeaten, but now? Done and done (it WAS a Hail Mary at the crib of evidently one of the best defenses in the nation that still allowed 31 points-it was close). I am just going back to my rooting for/it's still not THAT much of a reach pick. Bama over Boise or Boise over Bama. OSU will be OU's bitch when that game rolls around. There is NO way Landry and boys are going to let their in-state rival have the road paved to the BCS championship. No way. LSU and Bama will hurt one or the other, even though it will be possible for them to play again. All that being said, I think the table is set for David to play Goliath. Finally.
4. Penn State being 6-1 is like the end of Sixth Sense. You think it was good, not sure how it happened, and kind of need to watch each game again to put together how it happened.
5. I am always straight with you people. I follow college football. I know college football. I was even expecting some directional school to be the answer. But. I admit it. I had to look up where the hell DeMarco Murray went to school. How did THAT guy sneak by me?
6. I saw a commercial last weekend for Derrick Rose and Adidas. 1% of me WANTS the NBA season to be cancelled so I can see all of the other wasted commercials that were made over the summer for certain NBA players. Weird. If the season is cancelled, the commercials will be useless, like lasting a long time with yourself.
7. Live report. Ron Zook and Jim Schwartz are at a strip club RIGHT NOW. Right NOW, people. They are looking at naked chicks trying to figure out how the hell wheels are falling both of their storybook seasons. In case you were wondering, Zook has the tab tonight. He lost to Purdue. Schwartz lost to the Falcons-a little less gloomy story. In a related story, in homage to Matthew Stafford's starting potential/ health coefficient, there is a 50/50 chance that I write a blog on Monday.
8. Interesting. UCONN wins the NCAA Championship. The NCAA finally gets strict on NCAA scholarship rules. UCONN might not be in the '13 Tourney because of these new rules. I guess THIS is what they are talking about "court-smart." I might also have to read these new rules. How are they maybe not eligible for 2013, as opposed to 2012.
9. Cyclical. CYCLICAL. I was just talking about UVA having a good 15 year bad stretch in basketball and football. They get a top 15 recruiting class in basketball, have a proven coach, and are picked as sleepers this year in the ACC. In football, they beat Georgia Tech, Miami whips Georgia Tech, and I am watching UVA winning AT Miami on Thursday football. I hope the drought is over. I need more players in the pro's to irritate my friends by saying "UVA" every time an alumni does anything on the TV.
10. Harbaugh leaves, Luck is one of the prettiest passers in college football, and Stanford is STILL just running over people and beating them in the trenches. Wicked smart, and wicked tough the last couple years. Harbaugh's imprint on that program was more than just a pretty face.
11. I have told you I don't pay too much attention to fantasy football. I pick my players, rarely trade, try to remember to plug in players that are not on a bye week, and see what happens. That being said, after mulling over for a whole 4.5 seconds if I should start Plaxico when Welker was on a bye week and every other WR on my team pretty much sucks, he goes out and lays down my favorite stats of the week. I think he had FOUR receptions, 27 yards, and 3 touchdowns. Perfect. I had a couple gun jokes I was going to lay down here, but we have plenty of time for my dumb jokes...just getting in my groove.
12. If Brett Favre stories come back, can we stop hearing about conference realignment? Air Force to the Big East? That doesn't even make any sense. If we are going to make mega/ super conferences, can we at LEAST try and look at a US map while doing it? West Virginia to the Big 12, Missouri to the SEC (SOUTHEASTERN CONFERENCE!!!!), STOP!!!!! Shit, THIS is how confusing it is. Louisville is being recruited to leave the conference at the same exact time that Pitino is lobbying for Memphis and Temple to join the Big East. Scary thing is this. Pitino has no power or decision making ability in any of this, and HIS idea actually makes the most sense.
13. Rules are rules, but be consistent AND make sense. Troy Polomalu gets fined the same amount as a dirty hit for calling his wife on the sidelines after he took a good lick and to let her know he was OK. Not being a homer, and he should have gone back in the locker room, but it just seem fair. Hey Ocho, see what you have caused with those damn touchdown routines?
14. Everyone sit down. This is mindblowing to say. Seriously, PLEASE sit down. I am going to tell you something you didn't know, didn't assume, and might make you lightheaded. THIS is the reason why we invented microphones. Right here. In a LANDSLIDE victory in the "sky is blue and the grass is green" category, Michael Beasley, just before splitting the atom in his lab at home, has let us know that he accepted improper benefits at Kansas State. Groundbreaking. THANK you, Michael. Thanks for being honest with us and making you sound level headed in any way. Listen to me, my "team" needs younger people on it. We are not even sure if T.O. is going to play this year. We NEED new talent. Michael, LISTEN to me. Right now, I need you to call one of your high school buddies. You guys get some Mad Dog or Jack Daniels, buy some dope, and then go to a strip club, or amusement park, or drive yourself drunk...SOMETHING. Michael, we need you on this team. Hell, call Floyd Mayweather, Marcus Vick, Diego Maradona, and Jennifer Capriati. Yup. I like that team on a "get in trouble" night out.
15. Cyclical is supposed to only come into play for traditional powerhouses. If you are a high school sophomore football player right now and reading this, go to Indiana. Not only is Tom Crean bringing your basketball team back at the perfect pace, but NOW, the #1 QB recruit in the nation is considering Indiana. Indiana football. I didn't look into this story, but 10 to 1 says he is ALSO a pretty good point guard or shooting guard. He wants to be the tiny version of Julius Peppers. Just saying that maybe that football team is gaining a little traction.
16. Sorry. When I mentioned my team, I forgot to report on one of its EXISTING members. T.O. works out and no one shows up. It becomes a big joke. Listen. Do I think it is funny? Yes. Did I think that NOT one showed up? Yes. But. They KNEW it was being taped. They probably knew most people weren't going. THEY didn't want to be the only desperate team attending. He got a little tired. Expected. He looked fit. It really is a shame he is such a nutcase and has yelled at pretty much every QB he has played with, because otherwise someone would definitely pick him up. I give him about a 60-40 chance that someone signs him, and I bet it is not a contender.
17. Fox get the World Cup! I don't care. I don't care what is going on in my life, I have made a pledge to myself. Call it the "kill two birds with one stone" cliche. I have always wanted to go to Brazil. And. I have always promised myself to attend a World Cup. I am going to Brazil in 2014. If I have to hire a nanny by that point in my life, I will. I am going. So, basically, I don't give a shit who televises the next World Cup, because I will be present, dammit.
18. Seinfeld at 11pm has been enough of a shot in the gut to my lifestyle. But. This Big Bang Theory is ridicurous. That is not a mistype. That was a casual Seinfeld reference. It has replaced my Tuesday night Family Guy hours, and now 30 Rock has taken over some Chappelle time. Is Comcast trying to get me to stop watching? At least Channel 3 still has on Hogan's Heroes.
19. Clemens wants the government to pay his attorney fees. Go have some more children whose names start with the letter "K," give back your last couple Cy Youngs, and go play Mr. Potato Head with Barry Bonds, dude.
20. Does anyone else feel like that we will be 20 years older and that Bernard Hopkins will still be fighting? Just saying. What a crazy ending to THAT fight. But. He still won. Dude is going to fighting at age 60 with a Port-A Potty in his corner.
21. Is there a Redskins support group? We have a QB who is not starting anymore guarantee a division title, a RB out for the season, a consistent WR who wrecks SOMEONE's fantasy team every year out 5-7 weeks, and they are losing after the fast start. Good times. Keep remembering how Riggins used to pop through that line, have a stoner spelling bee using Mark Rypien over and over, and curl up into bed, people. It can't be fun being a fan.
22. Speaking of my Hoosiers semi-theme, any college students out there? I KNOW. I do. The power hour thing is fun, but you are always looking for fun modifications. I could tell you about the 21 Beer Club that someone I know invented, and tell you that I still have the video of ME accomplishing it, but let's get back to my point. How about a Hoosiers drinking game? Trust me. It's fun. Drink a shot of beer for every basket made. Sounds easy I know. You don't know. It is perfect though. Plenty of baskets all at once. You will sigh every time there is a Jimmy scene, and big enough breaks between games to have bathroom breaks and reload on beer. A reader of this column and I invented it when we got bored with the Star Wars theme, and it is fun. Let me know how THAT night turns out.
23. When I finish reading my sports mags, is it bad that I read a sports almanac...for fun? Like today, I was perusing NCAA college basketball history for the 500th time. It is huge news when a college player scores more than 30 in a game. Pete Maravich averaged over 44 pts per game for his ENTIRE college career. Sick. It reminds me when it is big news that someone in the NBA gets a triple-double. Then, I remember that the Big O AVERAGED a triple double for an entire NBA season. Once again, sick.
24. Selig might expand replay. Don't do it, man. You are getting to the end of your tenure. I personally think it is a lock that Joe Torre takes over for you. You botched one All-Star Game, and made the horrible rule of the winning All-Star Game team's conference getting home field advantage. Otherwise, it has been pretty much smooth sailing. Put the call for expanding to ONE wildcard in your holster, don't expand replay, don't have more WC teams, keep it at a play in game, and ride into the sunset. You didn't do bad, man.
25. LaRussa admitted to the mistakes, and I respect that, but very odd that his mistakes pretty much had a direct impact on losing Game 5 of the WS. Someone of his amount of years has a lack of communication.
26. Calipari has enough conspiracy theories going around about how he gets like 3 of the top 5 national recruits in the nation the last couple years. Then. There is ONE vote not for UNC for preseason #1 this year. Shady. John. If you paid off ONE voter, couldn't you fork over the cash to have TWO votes? Just saying. Couldn't have been THAT much more, bro. Why are you paying for preseason votes anyway?
27. So let me get this straight. NBA talks. There is NO progress made in talks a couple weeks ago, and it was because of the hard cap. Now, there is progress, but it has been brought out that the only thing they AREN'T talking about is the hard cap. WTF? This is like a game of spades where both players are holding the trump cards, but no one has decided whether they are playing the joker version, the 2 version, etc. Still got a bad feeling how this turns out.
28. It was big news for TV stations that World Series Game 4 topped the Saints/ Colts game. True it was odd. How come I didn't read one thing about the score of that Saints/ Colts game? 62-7? That is like me and my suite mates in college blowing off writing papers to WATCH our suite mates play Tecmo Bowl.
29. LeBron, Melo, and Paul pull out of the tour. In a related story, I think that the world map on my wall MIGHT fall off my wall in about 24.5 weeks.
30. Pat Knight is in trouble for letting 2 recruits talk to his father. Where the hell do you want me to go on this one? This is not a fork in the road. This is a road splitting into like 5 different highways. Chandler, do you want some of this? No? Ok, well, let's just move on. A reader's time is valuable, I have a bedtime, and this World Series game is not over yet.
31. Floyd Landis is still in the news. I really don't care much about this story. He cheated. Point blank. I just want to repeat the line of WHY he is in trouble this time. I personally think it is a pretty cool accusation for a cyclist. Ready? He is in trouble for "spearheading computer hacking on anti-doping computers." I personally think that all charges brought against anyone for the rest of time should start with "spearheading." If I ever become a criminal, your damn right I am going to spearhead something.
32. Peyton is going to get MVP without playing a down, and Caldwell is going to get fired for people finally realizing how badass Peyton made that team. That is simply an enigma wrapped in a riddle hid in a puzzle. I feel bad for Caldwell.
33. Slogans come and go for manufacturers. I want to go buy an Acura. I like their recent slogan. Clever. "Aggression, in it's most elegant form." That is tight.
34. I was looking at my world map again that will fall in 24.5 weeks. It reminded me that Brandon Jacobs will be leaving the Giants after this year. Who cares, dude? What have you done, lately? Go in the forest with no trees, wear those sound proof earphones that Dr. Dre is pushing, cut one down, and then give me a call of the results.
35. Luke Donald can't win a freaking major, but he sure as hell looked good at that near the end of the year Disney tournament. Way to step up, dude. It must really be frustrating to play a sport that being pissed off that you haven't won a major doesn't translate into better play. I hear you Luke. The more pumped you get in golf, the worse you hit it.
36. Bowyer nips Burton at the finish last week. I am sure there were tire traction, left turns, gas amount, transmissions, driver health, pit crews, and round tracks involved, but I am going to go the Forrest Gump route. I am just reporting this in my sports blog, and that is about all I have to say about that.
37. Syracuse ruined WVA's season again. Syracuse hasn't had a tandem since McNabb and Harrison, but for some odd reason, WVA is simply Syracuse's bitch.
38. I am watching the World Series, and getting the feeling that we have an ONSLAUGHT of articles starting tomorrow about where Pujols will end up. Just a gut feeling. No win, he already got one for them, and he is going to ride into the sunset. (POST-GAME EDITING: Wow. They came back and won the thing. Wow)
39. I don't think I have EVER mentioned this before, but Stephen Colbert is pretty much funny as shit. Not only did I have to break up a relationship because the girl thought that he was that ruthless of a Republican and hated bears that much, but he is just fearless on his show. I feel uncomfortable writing what he did on his show last week because it will come out wrong, but trust me, it was funny. He was doing a report on China if you want to track it down.
40. The Ravens went out and upgraded their offense. They brought in big time players and kept training their home grown players. Then. They muster, on national TV, their first first down with 5 minutes left in the third quarter last week. You think I am worried about THOSE guys taking down my Steel? I think not.
41. What do we have left? I am trying to keep these things shorter. Things I am going to miss: Lions' Best out, the Ducks Harris having traffic stop problems, Beanie Wells out 2 weeks, John Lackey having TJ surgery, the Vikings' Cook trying to strangle his woman, the Vikings cutting Berrian, slur charges with England's Terry, USC cutting RB Baxter, Robison's kick to the groin, Gronkowski apologizing for his porn pics, the Ohio State guy being charged with drugs, the fact that K. State is for real, etc.
42. What are we left with? Tebow, NCAA preseason polls, and FBS predictions...
43. Tebow. Let's get this over with. Let's make this a Mad Lib actually. I will do my take and leave it up to you for the ending. It will be fun. I have never seen a crowd suck a coach in like the Broncos fans did. Talk about being and Casino, and driving out to the desert to pre-dig your grave before you get carted out there? Was it storybook? Sure. Was it exciting? Sure. Is it smart? No. Listen. If I hear Elway and Tebow mentioned in ONE more sentence together, I am going to be arrested for some type of Manny Ramirez assault. He is not 6' whatever. He is only AS fast. He has half the arm. He is spiritual, but he is NOT going to win you 10 games as a QB. Not going to happen. It was "cute." It was a breath of fresh air. However, do NOT go this route. It was against MIAMI. They SUCK. I can't believe I am about to say this, but I am rooting for failure for the Broncos MORE than before. I thought Brady Quinn was the backup anyway. AND. Brady goes to my church. And. He has a gun, and the height. Evidently, Tebow, with too many people on the Broncos...___________________(insert my favorite line). It has to do with MINUTES as a clue.
44. Yay. NCAA basketball is SO close. I can't imagine how long these things are going to be when that shit starts up. Anyway, let's take a look at the top teams. Let's do the one line on each team.
-UNC-Those guys ARE smart. They knew the NBA season was in danger.
-UK- another group of young guys all ranked in the top 5 nationally.
-Ohio State-Jared Sullinger is my favorite player ever for staying.
-UConn-not heard of Lamb? you will...trust me
-Syacuse-How can a guy named Fab Melo NOT become a star at some point?
-Duke-Can someone tell me how many Plumlee brothers there are? Basketball farm...
-VANDY-didn't expect this? Watch this team. Tight. Experienced.
-Lousiville-I think Pitino was hired to have them continually top ten. He already HAD the team that should have won it a couple years ago.
-Memphis-Dude can RECRUIT! They just are always young oddly enough...like the poor man's version of Kentucky...or the clean version.
-Florida-Does Donovan purposely recruit undersized guards?
-Baylor-most talent, but evidently I don't think they "hang out." Lack of chemistry.
-Wisconsin-token position for this crew EVERY year-until Mr. Ryan has them overachieve.
-Xavier-I think people just like saying their name. I do.
-Arizona-Would be top 5 with Derrick Williams
-Bama-I think we are in the wrong sporting poll
-Michigan-Rodriguez "system" finally starting to take effect...with the right players.
-A&M-whatever...
45. FBS picks:
-WVA -7 at Rutgers. WVA isn't THAT bad. They just don't play well with the Cuse.
-Kansas+28.5 at Texas. UT will win, but that is a LOT of points.
-Arizona St. -31 against CU. I am convinced. CU is horrible.
-South Carolina -4 at UT. UT is not good. They are also hoping that everything is indeed cyclical.
-OU -14 at K. State. I feel bad for K. State. They might be legit, but they are messing with a very wounded, very badass, pissed off dog.
-Baylor +14.5 at OSU. Gutsy pick. RG3 (I HATE that) will make it close.
46. I am so sorry if you missed this Game 6 World Series matchup. It is still going. 10:31 my time and it is the TOP of the 11th. You better be getting quality shut-eye.
47. That is it, folks. I SO wish there was a picket fence in baseball. NOW I'm done. Peace.
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