Read it, don't read it, I don't care...just needed to get some things off my chest.
In no particular order of chronology or importance...
Balance (not you Danielson-this is a Van Halen themed blog). Remember, women and children first, people.
1) I don't even know the guy. At all. But, I am starting to like Tim Thomas, goalie for the Bruins, less every day. The Bruins recently got their trip to the White House for winning the Stanley Cup (why the HELL is the visit during the next season anyway? The White House couldn't eek out a few minutes in the offseason?) ANYWAY, two things bother me on this, and not sure which one bothers me more. First, Tim Thomas was a no-show. Second, he announced his sincere reasons...on FACEBOOK. Come on, dude. It bothers me enough you did it using a social media, but it doubles it that you used an outdated one. Aren't you cool athletes supposed to be saying stupid shit on Twitter these days? Catch up. Add this to you breaking tradition and lifting the Cup over your head AFTER the season started, and you now have someone rooting against you.
2) Weird. Who is one of our generation's sports "winners?" Before you answer that, tell me which of the major teams in Beantown has gone the longest without a championship? Yup. First answer is Tom Brady. Second answer is the Pats. You could figure it out if you flowchart the shit, but you wouldn't expect that answer at first glance to the question. By the way, someone who has a crazy job (that I would like to have) at ESPN polled hundreds of married chicks and found out that the majority of married women in the U.S. would rather have an affair with Eli Manning than Tom Brady. That is some serious free time, ESPN.
3) Tiger tees off this week. He played with Rory McElroy, one of the slew of players looking to be the next Tiger, and also assuming that Tiger is done (not.). His -2 for the round isn't going to blow you away. I get that. I am watching his greens in regulation to determine his accuracy in a part of the game he used to dominate. What was impressive today was this. He got that -2 putting THIRTY FOUR times. That is a lot. 17 of 18 greens in regulation he hit. Watch out people. If he would have made under 30 putts, still a bad stat, he would be in the lead right now.
4) I LOVE the fact that I just told you how freaking good Kevin Love was last time, and two things happen in the next two days (by no means am I saying it happened BECAUSE I said it-just crazy timing). There is a special article on him the next day after the rant about his improvement, and then a day later he inks a 4 year extension. Dude can play on my team ANY time. I also love how he got 31 and 10 the night after signing the extension. Hey, Chris Johnson. Give Kevin a call. Maybe you can develop a phrase like "get PAID, and keep trying to be the best..."
5) I watched the "germ-a-phobe" Seinfeld the other night. My mind doesn't drift from either sports or Seinfeld but a couple minutes a day. That being said, I think the Knicks are also germ-a-phobes. The way they play defense, they don't put a body on ANYONE. I feel like going to make a salad in my shower and surprising them the next time they play the Nuggets here. I just need someone to dismantle the latch hasp of my new Clarkman.
6) I am a rusty classically trained piano player (I REFUSE to say the word "pianist"). I played for the first time today in a long time. Figures that the only song I played perfectly was (there is an explanation, tough guys) Somewhere My Love from Dr. Zhivago. This makes sense. My mom made me play it every day when done practicing. That is a lot of times.
7) LeBron does some dumb shit on the court occasionally. He also does some cool stuff on the court. He also does cool stuff that would be really dumb if it didn't work. See his behind the back inbounds pass the other night? It was awesome...only because it worked. Gutsy, bro. It will be even cooler if you get 1,2,3,4,5,6... (quoting HIM, not saying he will) championships. You will be like the basketball version of Roger Federer, who looks REALLY cool when he goes between the legs on a passing shot attempt. He has a few, so we smile when he tries.
8) Oklahoma State basketball beats Missouri. Forget the fact that Le'Bryan Nash, a freshmen, exploded for 19 second half points (kid looks REALLY good). Forget that I don't like Missouri as a contender anyway and they shouldn't be at #2 (fast roster from old regime playing a slower game with new regime). Let's just do THIS. Kim English? Meet Markel Brown. Markel Brown? Meet Kim English. Kim. Be glad they don't make posterizations on Fathead, because you got DUNKED on, brother.
9) The Wizards played the Bobcats the other night. If anyone who grew up in ANY other place besides the DC area or Charlotte watched that game, I would like to chat with you. Do you like seeing MJ sit in the stands? Do you want to watch a bunch of youngsters who came out of college too early? Are you watching every team this year on TV and starting with the worst teams? Painful.
10) Depressed we didn't have Jo-Wilfried Tsonga anywhere in the mix, but loved the final four tennis players left on the men's side...pretty much the four best in the game these days. Federer, Nadal, Djokovic, Murray. Nadal beats Federer to get to the final. Word is that they all go out for drinks after tournaments, but they still don't invite Andy Murray aka "the living semi final." Dude has to win one before he can do shots with those boys. Side note on "#6 on my list," and my women's pick. In the finals. Go, Maria.
11) Damn, I would be pissed. Greg Schiano worked years at developing recruiting at a non-football school Rutgers (Ray Rice would be his pride and joy) and then he leaves to go coach the Bucs. I get it. NFL. Dreams (GREAT Van Halen song). Living in Jersey sucks. But Rutgers had the #32 ranked recruiting class in the nation for next year, and we are days from signing day. Those kids are PISSED.
12) I am not a soccer expert, but I know enough. You get that way when you go to a college school where it was really hip going to watch our team smoke someone else while I went there. I wasn't happy about Ben Olsen (went on to soccer fame) stealing Melissa Starks (went on to become ESPN announcer) from me after we went on two dates (expected-I wasn't even a fraternity guy yet), but I am a fan nevertheless. I am not a fan of soccer leagues, but I become an absolute freak during the World Cup (SO want to go to Rio in 2014 and totally will make it happen). ANYWAY, I did open CNNSI's article about the "ultimate soccer draft." I at least looked at the first round. Curious, and I LOVE lists and flowcharts. Sad thing that players who are fresher on our minds override people of the past. (Kind of like I will fully admit that Michael Jordan is the best player of all time, but if WE are picking an all time draft, and you take MJ first, I will IMMEDIATELY pick Oscar Robertson-wouldn't even think about it. Then you take Bill Russell, Wilt Chamberlain, or Kareem, and then I take one of the other two. Easy stuff.) ANYWAY AGAIN. Fresher on our mind. Lionel Messi goes #1?? Really? I am not really as familiar with Johan Cruyff to talk about him, but there is NO way I am taking Messi over Maradona, Pele, or Beckenbauer. Hell. Beckenbauer played the semi-finals in 1970 with a broken arm in a SLING!!! Like the soccer version of Kellen Winslow. Moving on.
13) I don't care how famous you are, how genuine you are, or how bored you are making ugly college football uniforms, there is NO NEED to take a side in the Paterno thing in the media. Phil Knight. Thanks for getting Joe Pa's back. Why don't you wait a few more weeks until the whole "death" thing settles down, and go back to figuring other ways where you can put training centers on campus, how many more Jordan shoes you can milk, and how else to intertwine green and gold in the worst possible way?
14) The Hoodie acts like he is a hockey coach and sits Tom Brady down weekly with a vague injury to get attention in the media. Gronkowski sitting out a practice is bad news. I don't think Bill wants him missing out on too much. I can't figure out if it is because I am rooting for the little brother (Eli) or actually think this, but I think the Giants take this game 27-23. Of course, if the Pats win, I am happy too (on my man crush list), so I guess this is the classic case of "win-win."
15) I bet you can't find 10 people in the world more excited about the fact that Van Halen is coming out with a new CD more than me. Get that survey guy from ESPN who did the married woman's poll and TRY. Dare you. I even went to the freaking tour stop with Extreme's Gary Cherone. I have heard the new song "Tattoo," and parts of others. They are AWESOME. They survived glam rock. They survived alternative, which then oddly enough became mainstream. They sound EXACTLY like they did in 1981 or so. Love it. People are saying that their new songs sound like their old songs. All the power to VH. I always say this. No matter how good or bad you are, if someone can tell it is YOU in the first 10 seconds, then you have created a niche and have your own sound. You have one. VH has done that. Could be because they have the most badass guitarist we have ever seen, but regardless, they have a sound. Mission accomplished. Check out their new song. It is solid.
16) I refuse to look this up. REFUSE. Are we supposed to know that this company is doing this on purpose and luckily had a similar name, or is it by accident am I just ultra sensitive to it. Home Depot. "Depot time?" Really? Weeks after the Broncos season ended? TOO similar. Why don't you just go and scratch your nails on the chalkboard and we can call it a day?
17) Bad contract negotiations? Anything involving Baron Davis. Decent contract negotiations? Texas signing on Mack Brown for more years (one championship with that talent? Well, at least he is not Rick Barnes I suppose, has a championship, and is a hell of a recruiter). Great contract negotiations? The Nuggets signing Gallinari for 4 years. Lock that dude up. He can ball, is young, and seems like a really classy guy.
18) That Van Halen take got me thinking. Have I ever been Hot for Teacher? I guess not totally, although I do remember an English teacher named Ms. Frank being pretty hot in my 7th grade. We were too busy trying to write love notes after that in Latin class because we refused to think it was a dead language, and liked girls, and then Mrs. Gable busted us, and put the note up on the projector, and dissected where we didn't use proper format or didn't use the "subjunctive mood." Imagine your teacher saying "if you want to "do her," you have to use this wording." Classic. Loved Mrs. Gable. We also loved Mr. Clark in 8th grade. I am showing my age a lot here, but that is when COMPUTERS were first being brought into the classroom. Funny. The only thing I remember about that class is that we played Bird vs. Dr. J...a LOT.
19) Not bad for being a freak. Tim Lincecum signs for 2 years and $40 mil plus. Wow. Is it horrible that I think they should have found another $40 mil and done the deal for 4 years? That short guy might have been getting beat up a lot in high school, but no one is laughing now. The bullies are sitting home on their front porch, drinking Night Train, and listening to Van Halen.
20) Prince Fielder goes to Detroit. for a LOT of money. I think it was 7 years, $214 mil plus. Wow. Side note. Prince, are you TRYING to play for cities that suck. Not saying anything about what you are looking for, but Milwaukee and Detroit? You must be a monk, and not like oceans, cool bars, clean cities, etc.
21) I saw Ides of March this week. I won't spend a lot of time on this, and I won't give away anything about the plot. Kind of a weak beginning, incredible middle, and then the usual...lack of creativity in the finale...things that make a movie like Usual Suspects brilliant.
22) I am still SO bothered by this. College basketball. Monday is "Big Monday." Tuesday is "Super Tuesday." What is Wednesday? "Wednesday Night Hoops?" You guys need SOMETHING. I guess you don't. I will still watch. Just saying. Confused.
23) This week marked the 25th anniversary of the college 3 point shot. This week also marked the 25th anniversary of knowing that Pete Maravich would have averaged 60.1 points for his career if that would have been in place during his time.
24) I won't go into my Anthony Davis, shot blocking take again. But a new fact I became aware of this week. All that, single season record already in school history, and NO games of fouling out. Amazing. Shot blocking is tough. And you are in close quarters. Not fouling out with those stats means you are an athletic freak and a very smart kid.
25) Two in a row after two bombs. Criminal Minds was once again brilliant this past week. Keep it up, guys.
26) Jorge Posada announced his retirement this week. Just like his career, which dragged on and on, I thought he had already done this. You are on double secret probation until I am clear you are done with the media.
27) The sky is blue, and the grass is green. And. Some recruit would be the first victim of messing up their scholarship because of social media. Yuri Wright did something on Twitter (apparently you have to find it on the internet-I don't have that kind of time...it takes long enough to write THIS shit with the hours I put into my job). ANYWAY. He said some bad stuff in the midst of being accepted to Michigan, and now ended up going to Colorado. I am not busting on Colorado. I live here. Just saying that even in 1990 after CU's championship, Michigan is more of an honor. Way to go, Yuri. I would make a Kevin Costner/ No Way Out joke, but I already dated myself with the computers in the classroom statement.
28) Brian Urlacher apparently lied about injuries over the years. Really? That dude just LOOKS tough. Why is that a wire item? That is like saying you didn't believe that Chris Spielman locked himself in a room without furniture for hours and just thought about the game. Dude was crazy. and good. And. I even think that story is true. It is at least more true than the McEnroe "hit it into the stands" quote I constantly reference. Confused.
29) Odd headlines. "The Wizards make Saunders disppear." What? Did the thesaurus you own run out of words after "fired, dismiss, etc.?" I have to admit. Have to come clean. Even though I got what they meant, the fact they phrased it that way actually made me open the article. Mission accomplished. I went home and watched The Prestige that night for some reason also (GREAT movie by the way).
30) Luol Deng. The BEST basketball player in the league that NO non fan knows. He would have been a famous college bball player. He played at Duke. But, unlike Corey Maggette, he was CLEARLY ready for the next level. Anyway, he has a torn ligament in his leg. Derrick Rose gets the pub, but Deng is an incredible AND complete baller. He goes down, Rose comes back, and what happens? They lose their FIRST road game. Chicago can win it all this year, and Rose is their best player, but they NEED Deng to make a serious run.
31) "Manning wants to stay with Colts." "Peyton's public complaints irked Irsay." "Peyton is a ref in a new commercial that is kind of funny." Stop. Ok, at least the first two. I say this. Keep Peyton off the wire TOTALLY for the next two weeks. Can Eli have his share for a little bit? Disclaimer: I am not yelling at you, Peyton. I am yelling at the media. Maybe they are distracted by sudden movements and squirrels. Hey, media!!! Brett Favre is throwing balls to high school kids in Mississippi! Go check it out. Cool. Peyton, I got them off your back for a couple days.
32) Notre Dame women's basketball team held Pat Summit's Volunteers to the lowest total in school history. 44 points. I am such a fan of hers and her class. Hope that isn't a sign they are rebuilding. Of course, rebuilding at that program means dropping to a ranking above 10, but still...
33) Shhhhh. I am not even a fan of them...Quietly, the Red Wings have won SEVENTEEN straight at home. Every time we think they are fading, they do something like this. Ponce de Leon? Meet Nicklas Lidstrom. Nicklas Lidstrom? Meet Ponce de Leon. I think you have already told Nicklas about it, but I think Nicklas has dibs on the fountain of youth. Maybe when Gordie Howe retired, he gave it to Robert Parrish, and when Robert Parrish retired, he gave it to Kevin Willis, and when Kevin Willis retired, he gave it to Nicklas. Just saying. I could flow chart it if you want. I really do like flowcharts.
34) My fellow blogger is back (we both started at the same time). Yay. Get your sarcastic insight on sports here, and get movie information there. He has a new one. Check it out. Plus, he does lists, which I also love. http://rockiesmovies.blogspot.com/ He examines movies you stop and involve in remote flipping, even if you have the DVD on your shelf. Fellow blogger, I like the list. I will say this. All your movies are GOOD movies. You have MUCH better taste than me. My flippers are FUN movies. That is why I stop. Karate Kid? Not on the list? Rocky IV? Not on the list. They would be 1 and 2 in my book.
35) I think it is so funny. KU basketball loses pretty much everyone to the NBA or graduation from a Elite Eight team, and now has the odds on favorite player to win the Wooden Award, and is hot as shit. You know? Sometimes we (me, included) fault top tier program schools' coaches for having so much talent. We almost forget how great of coaches they are. Well, give my coach of the year vote (I don't have one surprisingly) to Bill Self right now. His players are BALLING, and he is COACHING. Way to go, bro. They are playing SO Selfish, but not selfish...
36) I get the concept, but bad idea. Navy football is joining the Big East in 2015. Why? I suppose you saw this season on TV and assume they will be just as bad in 2015, and I know you are smart. I would say just enjoy that we take our hats off to you daily for what you do and your commitment, know that we know that academic and physical rules prohibit you from getting the best players in the nation, try to knock off Notre Dame each year, and call it a day. Confused.
37) Another note on Van Halen, and I was reminded because of that last patriotic stuff take. When I graduated eighth grade, we hit one of those country anniversaries. A guy named Enrico, Eddie (not Van Halen), and myself lobbied our music teacher for MONTHS to have Van Halen "Dreams" as our graduation song. We lost. It would have been SO cool. I can still play that damn song...backwards.
37a) I am addicted to the number 11. Addicted. I am like a dumb Rain Man, because I can add numbers of license plates and various other things, and hope that it adds up to 11. I can't believe it took me this long to notice this, but 5150 adds up to 11. How did it take me THIS long to notice that?
38) Rest in peace, Joe Pa. Thousands of people showed up to his funeral. Well deserved. Remember, the rule is 40%. What we know from the media at the MOST. Sucks he died. Sucks more he died in the time frame he did...for him. All I know is this. HE didn't do anything to those boys. He might be faulted for not being proactive as he should be, but let's not ruin a man's entire legacy off of one story that he MAY have been not as strong as he should have been. I am not going all Phil Knight on you, but I will remember him in a good way.
39) I could literally break down (which I frequently do) all seven of the new NFL hires. I won't. I am tired, and have an early day tomorrow. What I WILL do is this. Sometimes, teams hire retreads...names we know. Past head coaches. That did not happen for the most part this year. Something different happened about 5 years ago, and it happened again this year. Folks, welcome the latest version of "possible gambles on assistant/ college coaches"/ "future great coaches who were given a shot."
40) To any haters of college or NBA basketball, I hoped you enjoyed this blog. I guarantee this is the least amount of basketball you will ever see in my blog. And 40 is a nice round number. Keeping my Van Halen theme. Pretend your name is "Jane." Don't be insecure, guys. For two seconds, pretend your name is Jane. Ok? I would like to say "Goodbye to Jane." (rare unreleased song by them) Peace.
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