Read it, don't read it, I don't care...I just need to get some things off my chest.
In no particular order of chronology or importance...
Mentally drained from work...we will be testing the whole stream of consciousness theory...but I have to blog twice a week, so I guess I am the poor man's version of MJ playing with the flu...hope I score 63. Hope I score 30. Shit.
1. I find it funny that Greg Norman picked this week to counter the notion by Jack Nicklaus last week. Greg declared that Tiger will NOT win 18 Majors. Who cares who is right or wrong? We have YEARS to laugh at either notion. However, you are telling me that a guy with TWO British Opens on his resume comes out and talks about someone ELSE after a guy who won EIGHTEEN Majors just spoke his mind on the same guy? I love Gary Williams, but that is like him telling us that LeBron James will not win a title one week after John Wooden just said he would. Thanks, Einstein. Let's go split the atom while we are at that. Listen, Shark. Even Wikipedia knows what you are famous for. 1996. 1989. ETC. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Greg_Norman Hell, I talked so much about the Shark that I almost forgot to tell you why it is funny THIS week. It is because the Red Sox and Braves are pulling a "Greg Norman '96" the same week he talks about Tiger. Dude. As little of titles as you have, as many as you should have won, and as likable as you are, just stop talking about others. As Winger once said, go "Down Incognito." Yes, I just pulled a freaking Winger reference. I love Winger. Yup.
2. This is a sports rant. Just KNOW this was at the top of my list even though I say "In no particular order of chronology or importance...yada, yada, yada..." On school nights, I usually go to bed at 9:45 40% of the time. The other 60% of the time, I watch Seinfeld from 10-11pm and that is classified as a "crazy" night. 11:05 is late to me. I am up at 5am. Anyway, my local channel moved, this week, Seinfeld to 11-12. AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! You have JACKED my entire schedule up. I can't do that, WGN. Just because I am a dumb Einstein and can operate on 4.5 hours sleep regularly doesn't mean I practice that option. Seriously? There are only FOUR Seinfeld episodes On Demand at a time weekly. I refuse to use DVR after the Arkansas/ UNLV 1991 bball game and the guy with the 40 ounce of Private Stock ruined it. I own some, but that is not the SAME. It was my schedule. I felt lost this week at 9:50, making that important decision of going to sleep or watching Seinfeld. Don't worry. Some person at WGN will be hearing from me this weekend. I didn't even get any lobster...
3. Wow. Two long first two takes. I have a feeling my mentally drained brain just woke up. Moving on.
4. Steve Spurrier has come forward that South Carolina is not in any real trouble. Where is the follow up question? I would have jumped on him about giving Garcia back his starting job like 3 times in a HEARTBEAT. Slackers. I have a feeling he would have started talking about being at a bar late night...yada yada yada...lack of options...Spurrier is a formal Heisman winner and famous also for being the QB on that winningless Tampa Bay team. If I was a QB coming out of HS with skills, I would DEFINITELY go play for him still. He is still getting great receivers, too. Garcia. You are like the opposite of Tim Tebow. You have the build, the arm, the speed, etc. to be a good QB. But no one is better off for it spending 5 or 20 minutes with you.
5. Did I miss something? That hottie from Modern Family has a perfume out. I SWEAR she said it was sold at KMART. Sofia or something. I am not looking this up. I think it is funnier that I saw it once, thought I heard that, and am coming clean with my heard comment without any research. This is a stream of consciousness. No look-ups.
6. The beaten Giants fan, per his family, is speaking again. Horrible story, and I hope so bad he makes some kind of decent recovery. Sick, sick story.
7. I think Sebastian, Terrell, Metta World Peace, Ochocinco, and DeShawn all took the last few days off. My theory is that they are brewing for a great week next week, maybe all together. In honor of their silence, Manny, the old king of the idiot hill, has made the wire twice this week after beating his girl. He was ruled ineligible for the Dominican team, and then turned around a day later and applied for reinstatement to MLB. Dude. Where should I go with this one? Oh. Here we go. It's Moops, Manny. Moops.
8. Mike Modano retires. Class act. Great player. You were probably the best American-born forward in the history of the game. Congrats on your Cup with the Stars in 1999. Best to you, Mike. You were a joy to watch play.
9. Things that absolutely confuse me. I KNOW it is part of a successful series, and the other two aren't bad, but CSI Miami is still on??? Just give that show the Emmy for best comedy sitcom for the next 5 years, take it off the air, and you have plenty of room for a good show on TV. If they don't get Corey Hart as a cameo in one of their episodes, they are IDIOTS.
10. I am not a homer for the Nuggets even though I live here. However, kind of weird they are about to take the hardest hit if this NBA lockout shit continues. Wilson Chandler already is out of here, Gallinari (I am a HUGE fan of his game. HUGE fan. As much as Tom Chambers. Yup. I just pulled a Tom Chambers reference) is going to go kill time in Italy, and Kenyon is chatting about China. You get rid of your superstar (I was totally down with that trade...unbiased), have an up and coming team, and then this happens? Wow.
11. Michael Vick is evidently going to play this week. Evidently, they gave him standard concussion tests, but since he did so bad on the initial non-concussion tests before he got hurt, he pretty much still seems normal. I can't WAIT until Ron Artest gets a concussion. Just a joke, people...not rooting for any injuries. I am still chuckling.
12. Either a brown noser, or truly in touch with what he does well in high school basketball. UCLA just inked the #2 recruit...Kyle Anderson. He said he is excited to go there to learn to play better defense. So. Either he looked up Ben Howland on Wikipedia, or he truly knows that at this point he is just a badass scorer. Either way. Nice pull, Ben. Well, you don't ever have to feel like you are trying to revive a football school, right? The brass is already there.
13. I got a scare this week. First of all, I am HORRIFIED of bees. Wasps, bees, hornets. It is truly the only thing that I can say I will literally run from in ANY situation. I have almost gotten in car wrecks because of them. I have had girls laugh at me and stop talking to me because of my reaction. If I was in the military still, and held top secret information, I would take all pain the enemy inflicted unless they put a wasp in the room. Even a bumblebee (childhood stuff). I am not even allergic to them (I guess I could be now, but I run too fast away from them over the last 20 years). ANYWAY, I read that a golf tournament was cancelled because of "70K Bees." I opened the story and felt better. You see, initially, I thought it read K Bees, like KILLER bees. I track those things on GPS and will move if Colorado gets invaded too much. However, luckily, it was just 70,000 regular bees. I am ok now. That was a close one...
14. I am here for you all. In case there is a 3-way Wildcard tie, here you go. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Major_League_Baseball_tie-breaking_procedures
15. DeAngelo Hall. Dude. I love you. Thanks for letting us know you will go for the ribs on Romo this week if he plays. The guys further from the ball always do the most talking. Where do you usually aim for? Knees? Head? Toes? We all know everyone will be looking to hit his ribs, but I see no reason to say it to the media. Do you just get lonely and want to talk? You are like the poor man's Deion Sanders. Or the championshipless chatty Charles Woodson.
16. The Pac-12 and ACC are trying to build super conferences, and the Big East might add East Carolina. That is like missing the gym for a year, going in a bender, and suddenly realizing you can't pull the chicks you used to. I have directional school jokes I could add, but will hold off on those until I get more information.
17. I said the Angels a couple weeks ago were going to catch Texas in their division. They won't. But I should get an asterisk if they make the playoffs as a wildcard. They are making a nice run, and Tampa is getting all the pub.
18. Criminal Minds first episode was pretty darn good. Aside from the fact that they faked the death of an agent we all liked and came across kind of cheesy, it was good.
19. I don't remember a year when so many first year highly picked QB's were taking the helm. Newton is the most heralded 0-2 QB ever, Dalton is still my pick to be the best of the lot, and Blaine Gabbert is taking over the helm for future Hall of Famer Luke McCown. Amazing.
20. Story I didn't open. 2 Live Crew front man sues Miami booster. I am just so glad to know that Luther Campbell is still around. Talk about creating a musical niche for yourself back in the day...
21. Bad luck for Domenik Hixon will miss his 2nd straight season with an ACL injury. That is like going to McDonald's and seeing Marcus Vick.
22. BIG NEWS! I am here to report it. NASCAR tweaks its rules on drafting for the big Talledega race. You know what that means, don't you? You know...Something significant I am sure. Also, I would like to predict 6 possible NASCAR guys who could take the crown from the #48 this year. Matt Kenseth, Kyle Busch, Kurt Busch, Jeff Gordon, Kevin Harvick, and Carl Edwards. Ummm. You got me. I just read that straight from Sporting News. Rubbing's racing, boys.
23. Jay Cutler is trying to prove to people that he is not a pansy from last year's playoff game. 11 sacks later, I am actually rooting for him. Hey, offensive line, can you give him a chance? I am not sure I like or hate him, but protect him so I have time to make a decision at least.
24. I think we don't need to worry about Oklahoma and Texas going anywhere anytime soon. They got commissioner Beebe out of the mix this week. AND. The Pac-12 decided they are done adding teams. Good. It lets go of the idea that I can make jokes how the Pac-16 would be using the World Cup pod system in future conference tournaments. Chandler. Too many jokes.
25. I still read them. I admit it. But I am against projecting year stats after two games of any sport. Brady is on pace for what? 7500 yards? Project AFTER the Buffalo game. Side note, if anyone breaks Dan Marino's 5084 record, I would LOVE if it was Ryan Fitzpatrick. That would be awesome. I had to take the Wonderlic test for my job. You know. The test of common sense and basic algebra that Vince Young made that test famous by scoring a 16 out of 50, but then it was made public that Dan Marino also scored a 16. I took it and busted out a OK 34. You have two choices. Make sure everything is right and only get through 35 questions, or answer all of them and guestimate on 10-15 of them. I went for the answer every one approach. There is just not enough time. Back to my point, two of the top 3 scores ever for the NFL were Harvard's Pat McInally's (Cincy punter), and Ryan Fitzpatrick's (Buffs QB) 48.
26. If you like Star Wars, and if you like Family Guy, you are shooting yourself in the foot by never seeing Family Guy's versions of the last 3 episodes of Star Wars (you know, the first three). Stewie is Darth Vader. Climb on the bandwagon. We still have room.
27. My mom is more excited to hear what I think about Moneyball this weekend than I am to see it...barely. My mom ROCKS.
28. Harry Met Sally. Seinfeld...fake, fake, fake, fake. Hey, Giants, if ONE of you went down, I would still try to believe you weren't faking it, but TWO of you? Get your act down. NOW. We are opening Pandora's Box by trying how to penalize it DURING the game. You can penalize them, but only AFTER the game, and they will still have time to have someone hit them with a hammer to make it believable before they are "summoned promptly (you need to listen to Mike and Mike along with reading this rant)." That was kind of funny. I am not going to explain it.
29. I am not the brightest bulb on the tree, but Guillen came out this week and wants a contract extension. Am I looking at women's baseball standings by mistake? Aren't you guys below .500? What is the catch? You are so funny, Ozzie. Get the extension. We would miss you.
30. Useless fact for the week. There have been more TD's in the first 2 weeks than ever before in history. My conspiracy theory that this is a direct parallel to the Skins, Bills, and Lions all doing well.
31. Gilbert going down for the season does not change my opinion on UT. I am not a fan. I am an unbiased observer. I just think people are sleeping on UT (don't worry, Wisconsin is STILL my sleeper BCS champion). I have NO idea on why no one is seeing it as a speedbump for OU, but watch your ass, Landry. Gilbert slipped to third on the depth chart shortly before this news, so that is why there is no cause for alarm. And we know they always have the speed and horses to match up with anyone...any year.
32. I don't claim to be an NFL expert, but just found it odd that the Ravens suddenly decided to sign Ngata to a new contract 2 1/2 weeks into the season. Were they trying to erase themselves off the wire after that letdown to Tennessee after destroying my boys? You succeeded.
33. She is SO still #1. I love her. I got sad hearing about the story of Halle Berry breaking her leg. When you get better, do you want to go see Moneyball with me (even thought it will be my second time seeing it)? http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2011/09/22/halle-berry-breaks-her-fo_n_976587.html
34. Picks...I know. I only went 4-3 last week. I think that leaves me 18-5 for the year. Here you go, bettors...
35. Hold on. I just heard a new one for me on ESPN Sportscenter. I got 99 problems, but that pitch ain't one. AWESOME.
36. Back to picks (I have 11 written down, got to pick 8...hmmm):
-BYU -4 home against Central Florida...did Stardust think they are playing SOUTH Florida?
-Michigan -9.5 home against SD State...really? Denard is still my sleeper for the Heisman
-FSU -3 away against Clemson...they were plus 3.5 against OU and it was a great game. Clemson beat someone who lost like 15 starters...come on.
-Nevada +15.5 away against Texas Tech...did someone forget that Nevada is still a quality team and that Texas Tech is not proven?
-Miss St. -18 home against Lousiana Tech...this isn't a women's basketball game, right? Because they would get ROCKED if it was.
-Baylor -19.5 at home against Rice...Griffin continues his Heisman quest...not much resistance here.
-USC +1.5 away against Arizona State...talent level. horses. ASU. not there yet...USC on probation or not.
-Bama -12.5 home against Arkansas...sure, this is SEC. sure, both are good. But did Ryan Mallet redshirt? At home. Take it and be confident. Two touchdown win minimum.
DO NOT MESS WITH:
South Carolina
VA Tech
UVA (I think the bet is good, but I am biased. Don't do it)
37. These are the things that intrigue me. My neighbor got evicted, and all of his things are 20 feet from my window on the lawn. A buddy told me that people already got all the good stuff earlier in the day, "including a microwave..." I just went out to check stuff out, and now there is a microwave, surrounded by clothes and food. Is it possible that someone took the microwave, it didn't work, and then brought it back? Did he have two microwaves and I didn't see the other one? Just saying...
38. NFL Picks:
I suck. That is why I quit betting. The Steelers are the best, and go away if you want betting advice.
39. That's all folks. I would love to say that I need to go to watch Seinfeld on WGN, BUT THEY SUCK. Talk to you this weekend. I will email the hell out of them. It will be moved back to 10pm. I have no girl, pets, plants, and they wouldn't think it is normal for me to show up at 5:45 to work on the weekend. I will squeeze a blog in. Moneyball review also. As one shepherd said to the other shepherd, I am getting the flock out of here. Peace.
Nice work for being completely stressed out!!
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