In no particular order of chronology or importance...
Homage to my writing Mr. Miyagi, Bill Simmons. A diary-like rant. I had a lot more free time on the weekends before football began. My blog time is limited between football and work. Therefore, I will curve off my usual beaten path and journalize my experience watching the Bama-Penn State game.
1:31-The announcers are Brad Nessler and Todd Blackledge. I like you, Brad. You must like shock therapy when you go back to basketball and sit next to Dick Vitale instead of Todd Blackledge. Hey, Todd. I will always have a problem with you. The Steelers picked you up in the first round way back when, and you sucked. Sucked bad enough to lead us into the coveted Mark Malone era. Thanks.
1:38-Kickoff. Wow. This is nice. Great traditions, same old uniforms. I don't have Maryland or Oregon toothbrush colors running around the field. I am rooting for Penn State, and think at home they will have a pulse, but they just don't have the horses. Plus, I told people to take Bama minus the points in my last monster rant. Bama's defense is like an NFL defense. They are strong. They are fast. They are just good. I think Bama will take this by at least two to three touchdowns, but I will be happy if I am wrong.
1:40-Penn State takes the ball first oddly enough after they win the coin toss AND go deep on the first play. I love it. JoePa knows he needs to attack them to have ANY chance in this thing. They are at home, and need to throw a few wrinkles at them to have a chance. Take chances, play smart, and hope the ball bounces your way a few more times than usual.
1:47-3rd and 6 and JoePa runs it. 1st down. LOVE it. They have a solid drive going and are keeping Bama guessing.
1:50-Fourth and 1 and JoePa is going for it. COME on. Gutsy. Bootleg!!!!!! Holy shit! They get the first down. Wow. JoePa. You are pulling some stuff on this one.
1:54-Bama stops Penn State, but they get a field goal out of it. Good first drive. You want to shorten the game also, and just hang around.
Commercial break. It looks like the Federer/ Djokovic match could be a dandy. Why the hell are these two events both on at the same time. Killing me. Djokovic up 2-1 in the fourth down a set. Speaking of tennis, I am so glad things are back to normal. I took a look at that Nadal-Roddick score and knew that Nadal is now healthy and Roddick is still his bitch. Hold on. I mean he is every decent top ten player's bitch. and you wanted to be called "ARod 5 years ago..."
2:01-Penn State stops Bama. Happy Valley is LOUD, people. Things are going ok for now. Bama punts and Penn State has good field position.
2:05-OK. The initial adrenalin has settled down and now it is down to football. Unfortunately, this possession looks more like what you would expect. They force Penn State into a 3rd and 8, Penn State gets the first down until we realize that the reason they were able to accomplish that was because there was a hold. Punt. Bad series. Lengthens game, and gives the truck that is Trent Richardson the ball back.
2:09-HOLY SHIT! 4th and inches, Saban looks like he is playing it safe, and they pull a fake punt. They get the first down by literally 2 cm. Remember THAT play as this thing moves along.
2:12-Yup. After that fake punt, this is starting to turn back to Bama. Two long plays, and now threatening. Cousin Mo has shifted.
2:14-Bama scores and Djokovic and Federer are about to go into a fifth set. God forbid if I had in town family, a girl, kids, or a pet. Because right now I am literally confused with all of the things going on with the games and matches on TV. Some people go to the park. I write blogs while watching 4 football games and a tennis match. Shit. In my using guide, I also found out that a channel is about to go into the final 30 minutes of Karate Kid. NOW, what the hell am I supposed to do. I need a Kramerica intern. My attempts at doing laundry after a Steelers game usually are a failure.
2:17-Paterno being up in the press box is really affecting this game in my opinion. The decisions aren't as fluid or fast for Penn State. They have a harder time keeping Bama off balance because of the lines of communication a decision on a play has to go through.
2:21-I just saw a commercial about a new movie with Jason Statham. The usual bad ass stuff, with Deniro and Clive Owen thrown in the mix. I chuckled when they said based on a true story. They found a story for Jason Statham that is true. Maybe they will come out with Point Break II for Keanu pretty soon. Awesome.
2:23-Penn State is punting from deep. This just feels like it is about to break open the wrong way.
2:32-Hold the phone. After Trent Richardson got Bama inside the 10 on a run that would make Roseanne Barr proud, Penn State holds them to a field goal. 10-3. Oregon is rolling as I expected (hope my betting friends read my last rant and ran with it), Danielson is about to start the tournament, South Carolina-Georgia just started, and Djokovic and Federer are on serve at 2-1. Mother of GOD there is a lot going on. Park, schmark.
2:38-Brad Nessler just said what I said 45 minutes ago about Bama's defense. They are like an NFL team. Penn State punt.
2:40-I am watching the fight scenes from Karate Kid. No sports to update. I am humming "You're the best...around...no one is going to keep you down..." Yup. I came clean.
2:45-The tennis guys are still on serve. Just go to tiebreaker so I can compress my tennis watching into a 10 minute window. Commercial on Bama-Penn State.
2:46-back to Karate Kid... "do what you gotta do, Bobby..."
2:48-I come to the realization that if I ever get rich, I am going to get 7 HD TV's before I buy Porsche 911.
2:50-I realize that Seinfeld hour is at 4pm. This is going to get messy.
2:50 and 30 seconds: The boys are still on serve. Stick with it, Roger.
2:51-I have to watch The Crane. We have a temporary sports blackout.
3:00-I'm back. Back to business. No further problems until Seinfeld starts at 4. I haven't looked to see what episodes are on today. In case you care, Danielson won the tournament.
3:02-Bama just scored. 17-3, people. With that defense and a lack of a strong start by Penn State, I don't see this happening. 5-5 in the fifth in the tennis match. 6-0 Georgia.
3:06-When was the last time Penn State had a star starting QB. Kerry Collins? They always seem to have a solid team, but I never hear from rivals.com that they are getting a top recruit. Weird.
3:07-Someone who lives near me, and knows that they can just yell in my first floor window for sports scores (kind of sad, aye (I am talking about me, not him)) just asked me about the game. I accidentally said that it is 17-3, Penn State started well, but that the "tide is turning." I truly did not mean that pun even though I do it on purpose in other instances frequently.
3:09-Djokovic just broke Federer. Uh-oh. 6-5 and serving...
3:11-Shot of Federer's wife. Does she even attempt to work out, even while knowing the camera will be on her a lot? Take this prize money and mix in a salad and a treadmill.
3:13-Djokovic wins the fifth 7-5. Damn. Dibs to him though. He has put together one of the great seasons of all time. Steffi Graf would still laugh in his face, but whose face can she really NOT laugh in front of?
3:15-I just decided that this is THE statement game for South Carolina. They have been packing in recruiting classes. Spurrier really hasn't gotten over the hump yet at that school. Georgia is like a wounded dog (DAMN. Another crappy no pun attended). I think South Carolina HAS to win this game to get to that crux that is greatness. I don't know if I used the word"crux" correctly as I have never used that word. I am sticking with it. Still 6-0, UGA.
3:25-I just checked the TCU-AF score. I hope someone took that bet from my last rant also. I am an AWESOME consultant as long as it is not my money on it.
BREAK: Penn State is down 17-3 still. South Carolina/ Georgia is still early and 6-0. I am going to sneak in a few takes...
1. Polomalu just signed a 4 year deal with the Steelers. My boys did it again. They now have their core players on offense and defense together for the next few years for another run or two at a title. Damn. It is SO EASY being a fan of such a class act organization. They could have used the franchise tag on him after this year, but decided to just set him up and give him piece of mind. Plus, it means they are probably confident in his health.
2. Adrian Peterson promises a 300 yard game this year. Dude. You are a horse. Stop talking though. I am sure the Vikings would rather have 5 200 yard games. Or. Why don't you see how McNabb starts out and see if you are going to be running with 8 men in the box all season?
3. In case you care, the US is trailing the Walker Cup. Why am I telling you this? Because. It is very rare when I have to look up what the hell an event is and not even be sure about what sport it is. So you can sleep well tonight, it is the top amateurs of the US, Great Britain, and Ireland competing in match play golf. Let's get back to something we care about...
4. 24 Fresno State football players are tied to welfare fraud scheme. TWENTY FOUR? Holy smokes. You are supposed to try and beat Ohio State on the football field, not off it. Plus, you guys don't have any rings to take to a pawn shop.
5. Red Sox Youkilis has bursitis in his hip. With Beckett in limbo, and him going down, the Red Sox just can't catch a break. Of course, remember how many players from the Packers got rings this year because they were out of commission for the playoffs. It certainly doesn't HELP their cause though.
6. Plaxico lashes out at Coughlin and Eli in a men's journal. He is mad that they didn't care for his well-being after being shot (well, shooting himself) and just saying they were "sad and disappointed" about the incident. Really? Dude, shut up. You are free out of prison and playing the game you love...for a pretty good team. Just shut up. How did I end up with you as my fourth wide receiver on my fantasy team? I am supposed to LIKE people on my team. However, speaking of close calls, at least you are playing. I usually end up with Colston on my team and he has treated me pretty well. He is out 4 weeks. Glad I dodged that one. One more thing on fantasy. I think they need to rewrite the rules for defense and points. The Pack and Saints have a pickup game with their defenses, and because each had a run back, they get decent points in most leagues. Bullshit. Solution? I don't have one, but let's talk about a different way of rewarding return men. Update: It is 13-7 UGA over South Carolina. It is still 17-3 Bama. Penn State just had great field position and blew it. They then had a 49 yard punt to the 5, and Mays got a 45 yard return. I will go back to the journal approach if Penn State scores a touchdown next. I will not if Bama scores next.
7. My morning was awesome. You regular readers know how much I love watching people parallel park. I watched a bad parker try and park a tiny Smart Car into a spot my Jeep Cherokee would have fit into. I stopped what I was doing and went up and made them more nervous by watching from 10 feet away. As Dennis Leary said, "because you got to have goals..."
8. Terrelle Pryor is going to appeal his 5 game suspension. Are you kidding me? Dude. Just be glad you are on a team at all. I am evidently already pretty irritated by your existence. Bama just got a field goal. Still watchable, still beating the spread, and I will keep you in the loop.
9. Nyjer Morgan threw his tobacco at Chris Carpenter and has been tweeting about Pujols stepping in, calling him "Alberta." Dude. I had to look up your first name on Google. Be. Quiet. Thanks to Albert for being cool and not responding.
10. For all of you people who are not TV watchers enough to get cable, ESPN just signed the contract to have MNF through 2021. Either admit you are weird because you don't like football, or get with the program. South Carolina just scored on a fake punt to take the lead 14-13. VT is in a 10-10 war with East Carolina late in the third.
11. The Saints and Drew Brees are far apart in talks for a contract extension. Hey, Saints. You NEED him. Get a smaller negotiating table or SOMETHING. Bama just intercepted a long throw. Ball back up 20-3. Lacy just got a big run. Looking at him, something tells me he never got any shit for his last name in grade school after about age 7. He even has the Predator locks. Dude is a beast.
12. Lance Briggs is going to wear patriotic gear in memory of September 11. Great idea, but I just read you are demanding a trade too. Do you and Terrelle Pryor have a side bet on who can make the ESPN wire the most this month?
13. They are looking at a contract extension for Peyton Hillis. He he he. I love when the Broncos do something dumb, which is pretty frequently luckily. Didn't they get Brady Quinn for him? So funny...
14. NBA lockout status. Whatever. They are talking, and guys are getting wire time by spinning a globe and saying they are going to go play elsewhere. Just get it done. You are not football, Mr. Stern. I personally love basketball in general so therefore I love your league, but there are enough haters out there of the pro level that...not enough people really care if your season gets cancelled. Kobe and LeBron are the only two mad people. Kobe is trying to catch MJ and is passing his prime, and LeBron just doesn't want to push the envelope and start winning championships as late as MJ did to cement his legacy. LeBron has apparently taken up practicing baseball just in case he DOES win three straight.
15. In case you care, Canes QB Jacory Harris is "sorry." Thanks, man.
16. The only detriment to doing a journal is that I just realized I have been blogging for just under 3 hours. The 430 Seinfeld is "The Puffy Shirt" ("The Glasses" is on right now). This thing must be a LONG rant. Bama is getting the ball back. If Bama scores at all on this drive, I am going to cut this off.
17. I watch ESPN News on Saturday when I am not watching a specific game. They do live look ins. It is great. However, I didn't get SHIT when it was 27-22 Ohio State, and Toledo was driving with less than 2 minutes left. Thanks, guys. I was getting more information from the bottom line than you punks.
18. Hey, I got an idea. I will check on my FBS picks from the last rant. Let's do that and see how I am doing.
Houston -20 over North Texas: unknown
Utah +10 1/2 against USC: not yet played
ND -3 against Michigan: not yet played
South Carolina -2 1/2 against UGA: Losing, but only at halftime
TCU -2 1/2 against AF: WIN
Oregon -22 1/2 against Nevada: WIN
Bama -10 against PSU: WIN
Wisconsin -17 against OSU: WIN
4:35-Bama just scored a touchdown. This thing is done. Until mid week, people. In case you were curious, I stopped seeing that chick that doesn't like Seinfeld. I can't do it. I can't respect anyone who doesn't like Seinfeld. How is that possible? As Peyton Hillis would say...uhhh...I mean Brady Quinn would say, "NOW I'M DONE." I have to go...do something. Ahh yes, ND and Michigan is the prime time game. Peace.
Nice!!
ReplyDeleteBy the way, based on a true story means that the writer or director may have drempt that this could have happened this way.
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