Read it, don't read it, I don't care...just needed to get some things off my chest.
In no particular order of chronology or importance...
True definition of a Catch-22. I am in an absolutely horrible mood, meaning this will probably be a freaking great rant. Brewing on all levels...Let's turn and burn.
1) Do you realize, that in one of the most incredible pitching seasons ever, that Steve Carlton had 27 wins? And the Phillies had only 59 wins TOTAL? Forget the absolute numbers. Think about how well he had to pitch to even get wins with that sad squad. Slightly impressive stuff.
2) I am slightly bothered that I saw the entire 2nd half of the women's semi-final game between Notre Dame and UCONN and have the Baylor/ Stanford on right now in the background of ranting. I guess since I am in DC and out of my home couch element, that I just have it on a sports station and am calling it a day.
3) If you don't know what the "inverted W" is or want to know more about Tommy John surgery in general, check out ESPN magazine's article on the subject this last issue. I feel...smarter. Not that that is hard, but I do. By the way, how the HELL did Tommy John get it named for him and not the surgeon himself, Frank Jobe? "Jobe Surgery" has a nice ring to it. Dude got worked on that one.
4) Sit down on the couch. Relax. Take a deep breath. Now. Open the stats section of your sports section. Take another deep breath. Now. Look who is #3 in scoring this season. Kevin freaking Love. Wow. I could start the debate of whether MVP's can come from under .500 clubs who don't make the playoffs, but I don't think he deserves it yet, and we would start a whole OTHER debate about Kareem Abdul Jabbar-the last guy who did do that.
5) We have heard about Lindsey Vonn all winter. Records. Wins. Etc. Now, we hear that she will go under an MRI...for BOTH knees. She is TWICE the badass I even imagined she was if she WAS skiing hurt.
6) Florida Panthers, I salute you (damn, I suddenly want to watch Gladiator. I still want to know what happened to the damn dog after the opening fight, but awesome movie. Tigris: We who are about to die, salute you! ). You are currently ranked as the three seed in the Eastern Conference in the NHL. Oddly, your goals for are 192. Your goals against are 215. That is just crazy talk.
7) The whole movie theme about "I am a person from another older time who is now in the future and vise versa" has been done a MILLION times. That being said, I think the Johnny Depp new movie Dark Shadows will make us all laugh. Are the horses ready? Awesome.
8) The HBO horse racing sports show "Luck" just was cancelled. Why, you ask? Don't. Are you really asking? Do you like horses and will get sad? THREE equine fatalities have occurred since filming began. Sad. Sad. Sad.
9) Interesting fact I have never thought much about. Bo Ryan's Wisconsin teams always make the tourney and usually make the Sweet 16. That being said, in the 11 years he has been there, they have NO Final Fours. Tell your friends. Good stat.
10) What does a loss do to people? Some people get sad. Some isolate themselves in a room. Some cry to family members. What does Erving Walker do? He gets arrested for stealing a $3 taco from a street vendor a couple days after Florida got run by Louisville. Excellent.
11) You can now sleep at night. Get some shut-eye now that I have given you the following bit of information. I KNOW you were tossing and turning about where Stephon Marbury was. Me TOO. Anyway, he scored 41 points earlier this week in leading his team to the Chinese League title. Feel better? He does too. He actually WON something.
12) Just in case you thought that a coach could lose a team, leave in relative disgrace, and then not get hired again, think again. The paint is not even dry, and Kansas State (to bring in a big name for people wondering how Frank Martin suddenly made a lateral move to South Carolina) already hired ex-Illinois coach Bruce Weber. I HAVE no joke on this. I think just the story is funny enough.
13) OK, man. You GOT me. I LOVE my Steelers, but I will admit, I am not THIS hardcore and still recognize it is just a game. Some dude (chuckling) who was about to be put to death in prison, yelled out "Go Cowboys" as his last words before being terminated. Well, I guess technically he DID win. It sounds stupid, and it is, but he got post death headlines, didn't he? Take THAT, Andy Warhol. Damn, I just got tricked.
14) Article I did not need to open. "Tim Tebow says he is unsure if he will ever start again." Thanks, Tim. Thanks for leaving and splitting the atom with statements such as those.
15) In case you didn't control F this rant to find my cricket hook, here you go. Sachin Tendulkar, a player in the Indian league, got his 100th score of 100 runs. I don't even know what that means, but it sounds like he lived up to his nickname...The Little Master. Dibs, bro. Whatever good thing you did.
16) TaylorMade has been around in golf for quite a while. I am not doubting that they don't know their shit. I am just saying this. I would have liked to be a fly on the wall when they were naming their new release...RocketBallz. This is a Friends/ Chandler topic...TOO MANY JOKES.
17) The sky is blue, the grass is green, and Ryan Leaf will be in the headlines here and there. He just got busted for stealing painkillers. Dude, I would put you on my special team with Floyd, Metta, Sebastian, Marcus, and the rest of the boys, but they tell me that they would just laugh at you. You are not even doing anything funny or cool when you are doing your mindless shit. Step it up...I suppose once you get out of prison. Maybe you and Floyd will be at the same prison and you can come up with a plan. Yeah.
18) I have an idea. Midsummer, the Rockies should start a promotion for old people. They can do something like " everyone over 50 gets unlimited tacos at Taco Bell after they win by 3 or more runs." THAT way, if Jamie Moyer is pitching, he has TWO motivations.
19) The McDonald's commercial where the old dude tells the younger dude to buy McNuggets to start up a conversation with a hot chick with the whole sharing thing is slightly off. Guys, have YOU ever gone in a McDonald's where a hot, normal looking chick is sitting by herself? I think not.
20) WTF? How the HELL is Rick Pitino not in the basketball Hall Of Fame? This is no devil's advocate question. Speaking of a fly on the wall...would love to hear who is countering THAT move.
21) Jeremy Lin is out with an injury. The only movement that I can think of that was quicker than Tommy Lee Jones messing with the cook in Under Seige. Google "movement tommy lee jones under seige quote" if you don't see the joke. Guys, you HAVE to have gotten this one. Erika Eleniak jumped topless out of a birthday cake for Pete's sake.
22) Austin Rivers has come out and said he would like to play for his dad. Well, you got a shot, kid. Considering the UNC exit stage left people, and the kids who will be leaving Kentucky after their run, and throw in one or two Baylor players, the fact that you are leaving a year too early, the Celtics present status for the playoffs, and I would say that you have a shot to be drafted 19 or 20.
23) Following Steve Nash's ridiculous lead in the middle of this season, Jason Terry has told us now that he also would listen to the Heat in the offseason. Thanks, Jason. You have the coolest tattoo in the world, and a pretty cool nickname also. Do you have ANY interest in getting ANOTHER championship, or are you satisfied with one? Wait until AFTER the season to talk about this.
24) If this Parcells thing happens, it will make the Rooney Rule look even more of a waste of time, which it is not. This needs to be figured out. The Rooney Rule mandates that teams interview a minority candidate. This is great. However, in a situation like this, where they are pretty much telling us who is being brought in, it makes it look like just going through the motions. Shame.
25) I don't shop much. Hardly at all. Is it bad that when I need clothes, I feel most comfortable in JC Penney's? They got Dockers, people. And everything else you need. I am pretty sure I am running out of locations to go to as they are all closing, but I will still be a fan. Thanks, mom.
26) Dibs to Wisconsin-Whitewater. They recently took home the D-II basketball championship, making them the first school since Florida in any division to win both hoops and football. Nice job, WW (not sure if that acronym works for them, but I am going with it).
27) Tidbit I read the other day which surprised me. Tell your friends. Although Dwight Gooden won 194 games in his career, he only topped 20 wins ONE time...when he was 20. TWENTY. Crazy.
28) If you think that Albert Pujols is just a strong, decent swinging baseball player, read the last Sport Illustrated. GREAT article about him. I will admit it. He is like the Curt Schilling of hitters in his work ethic.
29) I hear that Ed Reed wants to play another year. Hey, Ed, check this out. I will just assume you and Ray Lewis are going to play each year until told otherwise. Don't worry about telling us that you ARE going to play. Just tell us when you are not.
30) It truly is a Manny World. In the sadness of hearing that his battery charge was dropped, I then smiled, knowing it is Manny, and surely he will do something stupid for us all very, very soon.
31) Not even being a Flyers homer, I think it will be a shame if the Pens and Flyers have to link up first round in the playoffs. Sure, it will be great, but I wish both teams could knock someone else out earlier and meet later in the playoffs. Think it is creating an awesome first round aura, but cheating us from a later round classic.
32) Royce White from Iowa State is an incredible basketball player. He suffers from anxiety, and doesn't fly. What do they do for people like this when (not IF for him, people) they go to the association? Just asking.
33) It's a family thing. I just learned that the kid who won the Iditarod also beat his dad...and grand-dad. I had a basketball hoop in my backyard...these guys had a sled and a lot of snow. Different strokes for different folks.
34) I am in DC this week. Instead of doing research and knowing how to get to my hotel in the best fashion, I decided to drive to Pennsylvania, hope that streets made sense, and figured I would find it. Anyway, I accidentally did the tour-nothing like driving on the road RIGHT beside the Washington Monument on a pretty Sunday afternoon. Slow going.
34a) I also am staying at a hotel with the smallest elevators ever. Hotel Lombardy. It is fancy, per my company's set up, but I literally had to turn my luggage to the side to get it into the elevator car. I also had to sit in the middle seat in front of the exit row on the way out here. Seats don't go back, and when the person in the corner has to go to the bathroom, you might as well have a "group bathroom party." Same thing when the free drinks come by. That is like the plane Nazi. "No sleep for you."
35) I laid $5 on the Megamillions and didn't win so I hear. Chris Singleton, an NBA player, laid down $10,000 on tickets to try and win. He also lost. I would say that mine hurt more, but I haven't done the math yet on his ridiculous NBA base salary.
36) Have you seen these Residence Inn commercials with the animals? The first one makes sense to me. A giraffe. They are big and tall, and therefore need a lot of room. The second also made sense. An elephant. Big also. The third one had four tiny penguins. NOW, I don't get it. I thought the animal thing was about the amount of room, and now you show me four tiny baby penguins in a huge king-sized bed? It loses the magic if you will. Confused.
37) I know most of you didn't catch that Eagles OT Jason Peters just went down with a busted Achilles, but I bet you one person noticed. Michael Vick. For an often injured QB to lose one of his front line studs? Not good.
38) Did NO one else use the term "face guy" outside of Sigma Pi at UVA? I use that term ALL the time, and get confused looks, even though it makes SO much sense. Here it is. A "face guy" is a good looking dude who "can only mess it up by talking." Chicks come up to HIM. He doesn't need opening lines. Think about your guy friends. You HAVE one. Trust me. Amazingly, the biggest face guys actually DO mess it up by talking.
39) Some 12 year old kid did the first 1080 in skateboarding ever. Sounds fancy. Just reporting, as I don't know enough to comment on it.
40) NCAA Final Four random thoughts:
KENTUCKY/ LOUISVILLE
-Gilchrist's two early fouls stopped this from being a blowout early
-Anthony Davis's bend back alley oop jam was a trivial example of how badass of an athlete he actually is
-Bob Costas messed up an early stat before game time. He thought what was on the screen was wrong. It said that Pitino is the third coach to take MULTIPLE teams TWO times to the Final Four. Pitino was already on the board for taking three different teams. Come on, Bob.
-when it was 37-32 UK, the tie up that was called a foul on UL was bullshit
-AD diving all over the place and off the court pretty much was the end for UL, as that meant his knee was fine
-Kuric's follow up dunk on a miss was awesome. Sneaky athleticism. That one dunk might have popped him up 10 spots in the NBA draft
-Russ Smith is great in on ball pressure, but he gets called for a lot of fouls for how aggressive he is
-imagine if Siva had played the first half as loose as the second half. He scored 7 straight in the second half at one point.
-Louisville was down 45-32 and then made it 46-42...a run that 5 minutes before we were thinking it would be a blowout
-why the HELL are Louisville's uniforms orange. Uhhh. Cardinal Red?
-Louisville just HANGS around and looks for an opening...against any level of team
-Anthony Davis does a great job at staying out of foul trouble for how many blocks he attempts. Smart kid.
-the show Survivor is STILL ON?
-Louisville is missing just ONE more 3 pt shooter to be scary
-Up 60-51, and after UL missed 9 straight FG's, why did they change defenses?
-AD's DEFLECTED alley opp catch and dunk was crazy good
-scary when UL is pressuring, and ex-HS PG 7 footer is bringing the ball up
OSU/ KU:
-the early Robinson foul really put KU behind the 8 ball early
-I hope they realize that Direct TV commercials have no limit-come on now-impress me
-the fact that Bill Self has 8 straight Big 12 titles is pretty damn impressive and pretty damn consistent
-Tyshawn Taylor at one point in the first half had missed his last 22 STRAIGHT 3 ptrs. That is a LOT
-SUCH a difference when Jared is in the game and when is he not
-odd that with 3 minutes left in the first half, KU had NO foul shot attempts. Not taking it to the hole, boys
-LOVED Calipari's statement (at halftime) about AD playing PG. He said "I told him if he comes back another year, I will let him play it." Ha.
-Thomas getting his third foul really made me think that college has to fix how they call charges
-Thomas's FOURTH foul was NOT the refs. Just plain dumb.
-Sullinger getting a foul called on him while blocking out was ridiculous
-Aaron Craft is the best on ball defender in the nation...easily, even though they lost
-Thomas just DIDN'T show up. Come on, dude.
-OSU couldn't even win while getting that crazy Withey traveling call. They are TRYING to give it to you. You guys had Taylor throw a pass away too. Geez.
-I didn't know William Buford could dunk like he did near the end of the game
-Know your rules, Aaron. You can enter the lane on the release of a foul shot, except if you are the shooter. Your little trick thing at the end was an easy call.
-the fact the OSU was still complaining about the call on Craft and not fouling or trying to steal it was...dumb.
41) Got to work tomorrow. Calling it. Until later this week, no more hooks. May the force be with you. I hope you were entertained. Enjoy the Palindrome men's final (UKKU), with hopefully for my sake KU taking it.
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