If I have to hear "Yamo be there" one more time, I'm going to yamo burn this place to the ground.

Read it, don’t read it, I don’t care… I just needed to get some things off my chest.

In no particular order of chronology or importance…

Let’s turn and burn.  The Airplane Rant.  Time to kill, no internet (a few links added after the flight), no elbow room to type, but still plenty to say.

1) Two stories sadden the Fillerbuster this week and remind me of how we should be living our life.  Delmon Young and a “hate crime.”  Capitals Joel Ward gets bombarded with racist tweets after game winner.  Hey, Delmon and you twitter people involved in this, just a little advice for you on your path in life.  If you are in a sentence with the terms “hate crime” and “racist tweets” and are not the victim, you are most likely living your life the wrong way.  Go look in the mirror and do some re-evaluating.

2) The grass is green, the sky is blue, and Floyd was on the wire this week.  Floyd Mayweather, one of the captain’s on the Rant’s in-house team came out this week and reminded everyone that he DID actually want the Pacquiao fight, and that his team DID try and set the fight up for this May.  What DIDN’T seem to re-enter this “conversation” was the fact that his side wanted a 70-30 split.  Seriously, I joke about the whole living in a bubble thing, but let me know the next time Floyd says something that DOESN’T make you think he is not upstate in New York playing Trivia Pursuit.

3) If you see Tony Romo at the airport or at a hotel, run up and give that guy a high five, or pat him on the back.  Just make him feel good, because evidently he is going out of his way to let us know he is serious for this year’s NFL season, and has said that he is NOT training and trying out for his dream, the US Open like past years.  Ummm, Tony?  That is what MOST NFL players are doing…thinking about next year’s football season.  Good job, bro.  Way to come around.

4) Congratulations to Paul Konerko.  Paul hit his 400^th home run this week.  Does anyone else feel like we will all be 2 or 3 phases down the road of our life and Paul will still be belting away home runs for his 27^th team?  It might not feel as long as Case Keenum was in college, but still will feel like some time has gone by.  I think Rip Van Winkle might be awake for the 450^th jack.

5) JeVale McGee might be one of the best athletes in the NBA right now.  Truly, the guy is big, strong, and can jump out of the gym.  Well, if I was one of the best athletes in the NBA, I might use that extraordinary jumping ability to get the f%^& out of the way when Kevin Durant is coming down the lane and doing THIS to me. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TdwNKalj_No

6) I TOLD you all to put Robbie Ross and Lance Lynn on your baseball fantasy team, didn’t I?  It was like 15 rants ago.  Just kidding.  I didn’t, but regardless, those two are two of your first 4 game winners in the MLB.  In a related story, I don’t know WHAT I did without Google. 

7) Speaking of surprises, AND someone who evidently doesn’t like living in the mountains as much as some of us.  The lack of sure has seemed to liven up his arm.  Jason Hammel exited stage left from the Rockies in February.  He is quietly 3-1, with a 1.73 ERA for the surprising Orioles.

8) Oh.  Let’s take a break and welcome Josina Anderson to ESPN’s main news crew.  Yeah.  Let’s just say that when you are reporting things on air, I retain less of the information you are talking about.

9) That Denzel Washington movie “Déjà Vu” from years ago got a little confusing at times.  This version does not.  It is spring, and Carl Crawford looks once again to hurt Boston’s payroll with very little or no production.

10)             High school wrestler Jamel Hudson did something interesting this past month.  He had a huge meet to continue his unbelievable run of winning.  They were trying to get the Star Spangled Anthem to play before the meet, but the music was having technical problems.  What did he do, even though he was prepping for his match?  He went out and busted the tune out a capella.  That guy will be a fiend once he is legal to drink and goes to his first karaoke bar.  Good work, bro.

11)             What?  You still don’t like Bubba Watson after him buying the actual General Lee and then taking the Masters this month?  Why not?  Anyway, try not to like him after THIS clip. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b4oAMlWYko4

12)             This whole Michael Pineda injury for the Yankees I believe really will put them in a pinch down the road in the playoffs.  It is early in the year, everyone is healthy, and so it looks like a minor loss.  That would be wrong.  They aggressively went out and picked this young arm up.  He is down, and that will stretch the rotation once all the games of the season start taking their toll in late summer and early fall.  This puts a lot of pressure on Phil Hughes to show more than a spark, Joba Chamberlain to quit playing on trampolines, Ivan Nova to continue to be a good pitcher (and not just the best in the world in his head), and for Pettite to…not show his age.  I think this might be a speed bump that eventually becomes a barricade that perhaps their bats might not be able to overcome in the playoffs.

13)              Calvin Johnson wins the vote for the Madden cover.  I think this is about right, even though Cam Newton wouldn’t have been a slacker choice either.  Wait, I don’t even play Madden anymore after the first 3 of them or so.  Why do I care?  Damn.  I tricked myself.  Speaking of this, what the hell is Peyton Hillis doing these days?   Evidently, this voting system is MUCH better.

14)             Metta World Peace, you can “address” the elbow incident ALL you want.  You CAN’T explain your involuntary and camera-caught reaction to your “accidental” elbow, so the less you say, the better…unless you are just going to come totally clean and admit you are not playing with a full deck up there and that you just lost it once again.  I LOVE how they gave him 7 games (apparently appealed to 6 games now-well, at least it is ALMOST a whole series).  I hope Denver beats LA not just because I live in Denver, but because I want him to feel like he might have lost a series and another ring for his team.  Since there is no playoff money to be docked in the NBA, maybe the actual feeling of LOSING will ring a bell in that dome.

15)             Live your life, Ron Brown.  I get that the anti-gay Nebraska assistant football coach has a belief.  That is fine.  Is there ANY need to be making SUCH a big deal about it?  Please live your petty, immature, and just plain dumb beliefs more quietly.  Hide from the press for a while.

16)             If I was a star running back in high school or college, I am the BIGGEST Trent Richardson fan in the world right now.  I am sporting his new jersey.  Yup.  Because if he can do well pretty quickly, it might make picking running backs high hip again after the Ki-Jana curse pretty much scared the shit out of everyone in 1995.

17)             Janoris Jenkins might get drafted while I am flying home to Denver today, but probably not.  He WOULD have been drafted last night in the first round of the draft had he not got busted for weed, got kicked off the Florida team, had four kids out of wedlock, and then ended up at North Alabama.  As John McEnroe once said, if you are going to miss, Janoris, miss big.

18)             Do you think it is weird that the Saints get busted for all of these shenanigans the year they HAPPEN to have no first round picks in the draft?  Just coincidental?  Sure.

19)             Odd fact that I KNOW you have been waiting for and have been losing sleep because of not knowing.  I am here for you, and admittedly would never have guessed this little tidbit.  This is the FOURTH straight year the defending Stanley Cup champion has been eliminated in OT of a seven game series.  Tell your friends.

20)             Here is another one that blew my mind.  Quick.  Who is the ALL-TIME RBI leader for the NY Mets?  Do you know?  Nope.  Nobody old school.  It just happened.  David Wright.  With a total of what?  735.  Wow.  Drop in the bucket I would think for that franchise.

21)             Airlines, you suck.  I carry tuna fish and applesauce when I travel because it is a good post workout meal that is portable and doesn’t need refrigerated.  No, the tuna is not a bomb, the applesauce is just applesauce, and do you KNOW how much that foot spray you tossed out is (I have big feet.  It is what it is. They stink it up if I don’t care for them)?

22)             Dibs to ESPN Mag.  GREAT article in this last issue about Peyton Manning, his health breakdown, his Duke roots, and the Denver Broncos.  Awesome stuff, and it also explained why the hell so much was oddly happening in Durham during the whole circus.  I live in Denver, and didn’t even figure out how ex-college teammate Todd Helton figured into this craziness.

23)             It might be REALLY sunny in Colorado sometimes, Carlos Gonzalez, but two consecutive fly ball drops in one game?

24)             I guess it makes sense.  If you are a receiver in a triple option offense, you become a REALLY good blocker, and you learn to take advantage of the chances when the ball IS thrown to you.  I make this point because this is the second times in three years that a Georgia Tech (yes, that crazy running triple option Georgia Tech) receiver will be taken in the first round.  Dude averaged over 29 yards per catch.  Well, I guess it Keith Jackson can be an All-American tight end in the wishbone offense, anything is feasible.

25)             Things aren’t really good in the bay area these days for one NFL football team.  You have a retread QB, your owner passed away, you are a bad offensive team, AND you had no first round picks this year in the draft.  You guys are the antithesis of the Old Milwaukee commercial.  It BETTER get better than this.

26)             If you are TRYING to like NBA basketball and want to see an entertaining, closely contested series with top notch athletes all over the place, watch Memphis vs. Clippers in the Western 4-5 matchup.  No one else wants a part of these two teams, and the rest of the teams are just glad only one team can survive from it.  Think about it like a version of the Flyers/ Pens series in the NHL first round.

27)             I had to do a tough thing on Wednesday.  It dealt with the whole watching the cat lady’s cats thing while she was away.  Not ONLY were the things I mentioned last rant all true, but one of the cats needed SHOTS twice a day to boot.  I don’t totally like cats, I don’t like needles, and I don’t like HAVING to be somewhere twice a day at a specific time to give shots to a cat, and then worry about whether I administered them right for the next 12 hours.  I don’t think this job is for me.  I will blame this one on Fritz, the old cat of my principal and fellow church member, who died a week after I watched him for a couple weeks when I was 11 years old.  Anyway, I told her that I don’t feel comfortable doing it and to find someone else.

28)             Is it bad that I immediately thought of the Seinfeld/ LA Law/ dead cat reference after writing that last hook?

29)             It is official.  The Jazz are in the NBA playoffs, and the Suns are not.  Steve Nash is now accepting phone calls for wherever he wants to make the case that “it isn’t me or my age, it is the talent around me.”

30)             I LOVE hockey and how they reseed after the first round.  When you play the brutal schedule of games they do and earn your seeds, it is just silly to not reward them for more than a round.

31)             The lawyer for Roger Clemens has announced that the steroids evidence has been manipulated.  Two things on this.  The steroids are YEARS old-the concept of them being manipulated is not as crazy.  Also, every time I read something about Roger Clemens and the trial, I feel like I am in the baseball version of Groundhog Day.

32)             A Family Guy reference that I almost choked on since the laugh was so sudden.  Stewie making a comparison of someone’s voice to “Michael McDonald during allergy season.” Then, they show the hypothetical McDonald during allergy season.  Awe-some.  What was the other movie Michael McDonald got cracked on in?  Oh yeah, 40 Year Old Virgin.  The boss makes them have him on in the video store every day.  McDonald does have a funky voice, odd demeanor, and seems to take a lot of deserved heat because of it.  ANYWAY, the random reference by Stewie was classic.

33)             Anyone else notice that during all this hubbub about “how much longer Derek Jeter will play” that he is having one of his best starts of his career?  At one point this week, he had a plus .400 batting average and the most hits ever for him through 30 games.  Just saying.

34)             They let Pudge have a ceremonial post-retirement catch the other day.  I LOVE how he threw it to second base after.  Classic.  http://espn.go.com/blog/dallas/texas-rangers/post/_/id/4882019/pudge-rodriguez-throws-first-pitch-to-2b

35)             Congratulations to the Charlotte Bobcats.  You have made history.  You are the best loser of all time in the NBA percentage wide.  Hey, Michael Jordan, you are like the quiet version of Isiah Thomas.  Isiah ruins teams with sexual harassment cases and bad contracts.  You just pick up really bad players. http://abclocal.go.com/wls/story?section=news/sports&id=8638700

36)             By the way, I LOVE the new Michael Jordan commercials, where a boring middle aged guy is named MJ and it shows all the people being let down because of this oddity.  Classic.  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WxBBN3ZnYeU

37)             Apparently, the BCS is discussing various options for a playoff still.  Listen, I am one of the more optimistic people I know, but I am STILL not holding my breath until I see something more substantial.  Did multiple people on the committee suddenly die?  This has made sense for YEARS, and it has seemed pretty obvious to me as an upgrade.  What took so freaking long for these “serious” talks to occur?  I will believe they are serious and not just teasing us when someone gets someone to sign on the “line which is dotted.” http://www.hark.com/clips/ghqlmxfkrg-get-them-to-sign-on-the-line-which-is-dotted

38)             I think Eli Manning would be fun to hang out with.  I like that he came out and admitted that “I am the 3^rd most talked about QB in New York right now.” The subtitle would say “even with two rings, bitches.”  That is funny, Eli.

39)             I think pumpernickel is the greatest flavor of bread ever invented.  I remember begging for it when I was a kid.  Problem is this.  When someone asks me what pumpernickel tastes like, I just say it tastes like pumpernickel.  Tough one.

40)             Interesting short article in Sports Illustrated about what effect Bobby Petrino will have on women in sports.  I think we are much farther along than to let this incident effect society too much, but an interesting hook on it regardless.

41)             Dodgers pitcher Aaron Harang recently had 9 straight strikeouts in one game, which is 1 shy of Tom Seaver’s 42 year old record of 10.  There, if the other useless bits of information won’t help you sleep better, then this one certainly will.

42)             Take THAT, Nolan Ryan.  This month, Colin Friedman threw THREE STRAIGHT no-hitters for Santa Fe High school.  Oh.  And one was a perfect game.  Slacking on the other two, aye, Colin?

43)             Nice poker faces, people.  Two crazy events in Thursday’s first round of the NFL draft occurred.  The Cowboys didn’t even ask for Morris Claiborne’s phone number before the draft, and then they move up EIGHT spots to swoop in and grab the kid.  Claiborne admitted to having no idea they were interested in him.  The second event was the equal to a lunar eclipse.  The Pats moved UP in the draft to grab the 21 and 25 spots, breaking the traditional strategy of moving back in the order to stockpile picks.  You do keep us on our toes there, hoodie.  He got two defensive studs, and is basically announcing to the world that he feels pretty freaking good about their chances this year.

44)             You want to talk about very, very, very short-lived elated period of time (No, I am not going that direction, people.  Get your mind out of the gutter.).  Colt McCoy is giggling like a teenage girl after the Browns moved UP one spot to grab their running back target, Trent Richardson, and then curled up like a fetus after they took Brandon Weeden later that round.

45)             I am easily amused, but I am still amazed how cell phones change time zones.  I feel like going to a state line and running back and forth to confuse the device.  Like I said, easily amused.

46)             You want to know how to increase theft stats at your arena?  Increase as make people steal MORE?  Just do what the Pistons are doing next year at their crib.  All season ticket holders get a fancy Pistons jacket.  That jacket has a little code.  That code gets you 20% off your food at any of the places in the arena.  Nice.  You become a thief, get a fancy jacket, and don’t have to leave the arena hungry either.

47)             I just flew back from New York City.  Work trip.  Kind of sad that I work so much that I couldn’t really even explore on the night I was there, but luckily I saw the sites as a kid and a couple times in college.  No big deal, but I was kind of upset my last meeting ran JUST late enough to not allow me to check out the Trade Center Memorial…the ONE thing I haven’t seen.  Oh well.  Next time.  Side note.  I was there for a day, and might just go drive aimlessly in the mountains tomorrow to enjoy the room and relaxation I get in Denver.  I get it.  Some people eat that shit up.  Some people are bred for that fast pace.  I prefer not to.  Would I do it if necessary or worth it?  Sure.  But you city people enjoy your big city and I look forward to visiting next time.  For now, I will enjoy my “big small town” of Denver.  I have a work trip to Palo Alto in another week and a half.  The Cailfornia coast is probably the ONE place besides Vegas where one has to wonder whether I will get back on the plane.  Side note 2.  I was with a colleague who had never been to the city.  He didn’t get to experience anything but Grand Central Station at 530pm (MADNESS), and riding the subway.  Poor guy.

48)             So.  Apparently that guy who does the flips on the motorcycles at the X Games, Travis Pastrana, is going to be competing in the NASCAR Nationwide Series this weekend.  This makes sense to me.  We got a guy who goes in a straight line with flips, to an event  where there are only left handed turns.  Doesn’t sound crazy at all when I put it that way.

49)             Dammit, Bruce Irvin.  You are the first one in a couple years.  You are the first guy in about two years in the first round of the NFL Draft.  Mel Kiper and Todd didn’t have to look him up, but probably were a round or two off on him.  Congrats to you, Bruce, and may the force be with you.

50)             Dwayne Szintius died recently.  Don’t remember him?  He would be the poster child of the late 80’s for mullets in basketball.  He WOULD have been more of a household name, but after his All-American season his junior year at Florida, he walked out after a few games allegedly BECAUSE of a hair dispute with the coach.  He then wore the mullet proudly for the Spurs.

51)             I got SOLD this week.  I went to the dentist.  I went a little hungry because I knew there was a McDonald’s right by the building for once I was done my appointment.  Then, at the end of my cleaning, I got told that there is this new Flouride treatment recommended by the Dental powers to be, and (talking softly) it only costs $34.  Ok.  Oh, and by the way, you can’t eat hard food for 5 hours.  Damn.  I was dying, and whether it was a joke or not, I sure as hell was going to get the bang for my $34 bucks.  I got sold.

52)             I kind of believed Mickey Loomis during his rebuttal about the tapping of the opposing coaches.  That being said, it still IS what it is.  I never heard him really talk about how the wiring ended up like it did.  I was watching his little statement, and heard him say he never listened to it, but never really caught why or how it got set up that way.  Weird, Mickey.

53)             However the cliché about the tree in the forest goes, please just intermittently insert NFL Pro Bowl and call it a day.  Thanks for cancelling the saddest excuse for all-star celebration there is out there, and no one cares either way.

54)             NBA thoughts: Eastern Conference.  Chicago vs. Philly.  This will be a series where if any game is at a comfortable margin, you better believe Derrick Rose will be on the bench resting.  They win in 5 without him still.  I like the direction the Sixers are taking and think their future is bright, but they have regressed slightly as the season wore on, and I still think they need one semi-superstar to help out Williams and Iguadola.  Bulls in five.  

Miami vs. New York.  This will be a fun series.  You have the Big Three, who expect to be there when the smoke clears and no one outside Haslem and Wade knows the grind of how to win it all (well, LeBron knows what just comes up short, and Bosh is still getting used to this whole “playoff” thing in general). Then, you have possibly Linsanity, Carmelo, and Amare.  The Knicks have some names on their team.  Now, we get to find out if this whole “new belief about defense” was just a regular season thing or is for real.  They will need it for the playoffs.  Ask Amare how his Suns did with the no defense philosophy.  I think this will be fun, but I don’t see the full array of needed pieces on the Knicks nor the size to take advantage of the smaller Heat.  Talent prevails.  Heat in 6.  

Indiana vs. Orlando.  Indiana is going the right direction and Orlando had the playoffs come around right before they most likely took a nosedive.  An injured Turkoglu and no Howard means people like Redick and Nelson have to have consistent good games.  I don’t see that happening.  That being said, the Pacers are not fully put together enough to take advantage of it totally.  I see this series being competitive, but I see the Pacers taking care of the Magic.  Pacers in 6.  

Atlanta vs. Boston.  I hear a lot of people on the Hawks bandwagon in this one.  I would not be one of those people.  I think as long as they are healthy and Garnett has that menacing sneer, they will still be around.  I think it will be a long series, and therefore wear down the stars on the Celtics for future series, but ready/ mature or not, the Hawks just have too much talent to NOT give someone a run.  Celtics in 7.  

Western Conference.  

San Antonio vs. Utah.  Utah should be happy to be playing a couple more games, but I think this one will be quick.  San Antonio, I believe, will come out on a mission even though it is the first round.  They are smart, know they are much better than Utah, and will go balls to the wall to try and get their veterans some rest before encountering some of these younger teams like the Griz, Clippers, and Thunder.  Spurs in 4.  

OKC vs. Dallas.  Interesting matchup.  The defending champs vs. the bandwagon.  I would love to say the craftiness and experience of Dallas will make a huge difference, but it won’t.  This is a better, younger team vs. a worse, older, declining team.  You better take last year and capture all the memories, because I think this will be a statement series for the young Thunder.  Give me the Thunder in 5.  

Lakers vs. Denver.  I made jokes about it, but Ron Artest’s absence DOES leave a huge gap against a very deep Denver squad.  There is no way Gallinari continues his slump, and Kobe can win them only a couple games.  I am slightly worried about how Denver will guard Gasol and Bynum, but think they have enough firepower to override what they lose in the paint. In a year where Denver is not SUPPOSED to advance, I believe they do.  It will be a long series.  Denver in 7.  

Memphis vs. LA Clippers.  Wow, this will be a fun series to watch, as I noted before. This is where I see a few things happen.  I still personally think Memphis is a year or two away with the squad they have, although many of the pieces are in place.  I think that Blake shows a little substance to get his team to advance.  I think you might even see a few layups instead of dunks.  Ok.  That might be taking it a little too far.  Anyway, I think he grows up a little.  One other thing.  I think Chris Paul reminds us in an obvious way of WHY they went and got him.  I think this series will be madly entertaining, and I think one or two of the games goes the Clippers way late thanks to Paul.  Clippers in 6.

55)             Well, that is it.  I need to go home and figure out stats on winds to figure out how the hell it takes 3 hours and 23 minutes on the flight to NYC, and then 4 hours and 11 minutes on the way back.  As one shepherd said to the other shepherd, I am going to get the flock out of here.  Actually, I guess I am not as much getting the flock out of here as I am turning off the electronic devices like my stewardess just told me to do.  Hope to do another one Monday evening.  Have a great weekend.  Peace.