Bright light. Bright light.

Read it, don't read it, I don't care...just needed to get some things off my chest.


In no particular order of chronology or importance...


 First of all, keep him out of the light, he hates bright light, especially sunlight, it'll kill him. Second, don't give him any water, not even to drink. But the most important rule, the rule you can never forget, no matter how much he cries, no matter how much he begs, never feed him after midnight.


1)  Have we gone through an era in the last 20 years with such a lack of closers in MLB?  There was a shortage before this week, and now it looks like SF Giants Brian Wilson is out for the season with an injury.  Not only does his absence absolutely make me doubt my prediction of a possible Giants' World Series appearance this year (even with my love of the Phillies), but it takes another closer out of the loop.  It seems simple enough.  You throw harder than everyone else, AND you don't even need more than one or two power pitches.  But, just as there is a lack of true centers in the NBA (makes more sense as there are less 7' dudes running around our Earth), we truly don't have a lot of closers in baseball.  Heath Bell looks pretty damn hittable up to this point, Wilson is out, and Rivera will most likely retire after this year.  Confused.


2)  St. Louis is known as one of the best sports/ baseball cities in the nation.  Their home opening weekend in baseball was this past weekend.  That is most likely an event in itself.  That being said, I was pretty impressed by the full turnout for the surprising St. Louis blues DURING opening weekend.  Good stuff, St. Louis.  You are playing a surprisingly under the radar San Jose Sharks, who usually go INTO the playoffs as the favorite...and THEN flame out.


3)  I crack on his postseason resume enough, so I might as well say something nice when the opportunity arises.  Dibs to you, Carmelo Anthony, for hosting Trayvon Martin's family at MSG this week.  That tragedy is sad all the way around.  Good to hear someone is reaching out to them.  Yes, Melo, there was NO sarcasm in this hook.  Don't worry, I won't make you defend a hook about your lack of defense in this Rant.


4)  Speaking of the Knicks, superstar Jared Jeffries has come out to the media and said that he would WELCOME a matchup against the Bulls, and that they would give them a run.  Great.  Thanks for the information, Jared.  What's that, people?  Can't place the name?  Well, Jared Jeffries is the household name that was the closest to "household" when he led Indiana to the 2002 NCAA Championship game as an #8 seed under Mike Davis (where the HELL is that guy these days?), where they then lost.  After that, he sort of disappeared.  Know this.  I don't MIND hearing about lesser teams welcoming matchups against better teams.  I DO mind hearing it from a guy who averages 5 points a game in 22 minutes played.  Go practice, Jared, and let your buddies talk to the media.


5)  I hear that Lindsey Vonn owes $1.7 million in overdue taxes.  I hope you get your body fixed up after your injuries and then get on a payment plan, and I am sure there is some joke about going uphill or downhill, but I just can't find it.  Sorry.


6)  How do the young kids in the Honda SUV commercial know the lyrics and music to "Crazy Train" by Ozzie Osbourne?  That seems pretty old school for them to start that little family bonding experience.  Just saying.


7)  What kind of reward did Rory McIlroy get for sitting out this week's golf tournaments and having more nightmares about 3rd and 4th rounds at The Masters?  A #1 ranking.  By sitting, and having Luke Donald not even finishing close to a top 8 finish at his PGA event, Rory took over the top spot.  Some people might be glad Tiger is not ruling golf these days, but it sure as hell would have saved labor time and ink, because these guys are changing spots EVERY week.


8)  THIS will be the year WR Lee Evans is a star.  Yup.  His third team must be the charm.  Talk about a flash in the pan since 2006, and totally not living up to his hype...


8a) Speaking of flash in the pans, I had a Freddy Adu siting this weekend on SportsCenter.  I still remember the articles in magazines tracking him when he was like 10 years old, saying he would stir up American soccer and be the next coming (of an American soccer star?  What does that even mean?).  Dude can't even excel in the U.S., where there is a heck of a lot of LACK of competition.


9)  My hats off once again for Jackie Robinson.  The annual celebration was Sunday in the MLB, and reminds us all to open our eyes and recognize when someone truly changes not only the game but a way of thinking overall.  Read stories on Jackie, and watch the movie "Crash."  Everyone.  Pay It Forward.


10)  Local Colorado fighter Mike Alvarado won again this weekend, in a "test" big fight at the Mandalay Bay on the undercard.  He pretty much destroyed the other guy.  If Mike doesn't get a big fight now, there is some serious overlooking and injustice happening in the boxing world.  Ok, I KNOW that is already true, but just saying it would continue in this particular case.  Show this guy the money. http://www.fightsaga.com/news/item/2131-Mike-Alvarado-and-Mauricio-Herrera-steal-the-show


11)  Jennifer Capriati was elected to the Tennis Hall of Fame this week.  Aside from how she stole the show as a youngster, then led people back to caring about tennis in the Olympics, I don't really support this nomination.  I get her greatness here and there, but she DID drop off the face of the tennis earth for a while with personal problems.  Good job and all, but let's draw the line in the sand SOMEWHERE to avoid that whole slippery slope thing.  Great player, but she did not consistently show GREATNESS over her whole career.


12)  Alex Rodriguez hit his 630th home run.  What an age we have lived through that most likely WON'T be talked about too much 50 years from now.  Our generation introduced steroids, made the "magical" number 762 (??), had another tainted player get 630 jacks, and had Jim Thome, the most confusing story of great or not great stories ever, with 604 HR's.  It all just adds up to...odd.


13)  London Fletcher just signed a two year deal with the Redskins.  Maybe it is just me, but feels like that guy has been playing FOREVER.  Case Keenum graduated college, right?  Yes?  Good.


14)  Ryan Leaf was charged with 4 felonies this week.  You know what I find odd?  He is an idiot, but not in the fun way.  Hold on.  I am going somewhere with this.  There are some athletes who do dumb stuff, and it actually makes them seem like a night on the town would be freaking awesome.  For example, I might laugh at Chad Ochocinco a lot in this rant, but I still think it would be a RIOT going out for drinks with him.  Ryan Leaf?  I get irritated just hearing about him, and any of his sound bytes seriously make him appear a little whiny.  I just think that a night on the town with him would be a short one.  "Ryan, I am tired.  See you around."  Then I could give him a number from the side of a passing truck like Elaine does in Seinfeld.


15)  Does anyone else hate that time where your car is getting fixed, you are not sure what is wrong with in the first place, and you are dropped off at the neighborhood diner to kill time while waiting for the CALL?  You know.  That call where you don't know if it is going to be $200 or $2000.  It is painful.  Bad news is on the way, your day is inconvenienced already, and only the LEVEL of the bad news is unknown.  On a side note, I sat at a place where it probably is not a good idea to order salmon in anything (we are inland to make matters worse), but I had the salmon egg benedict anyway.  Yeah.  Living on the edge....that is how I roll.


16)  Rays' Luke Scott called Fenway a "dump" this week.  Listen, Luke, I get where you are coming from.  I am sure the newer stadiums have magnificent facilities and the Boston ones are pretty damn old.  But.  I don't see a need to announce it to the media.  Tell your buddies in the locker room, but leave our ears alone.  I can't vouch for the actual facilities where you conduct BP and workout, but I will say this.  I have been to Fenway one time in my life.  I got goosebumps the moment I was on the outskirts of the field looking at the Green Monster.  Goosebumps.  Literally.  That place is freaking special.


17)  Some random hockey thoughts, mostly Pitt/ Philly as that is the full game I watched.


-no matter what the year, the Flyers always seem to get more shorthanded goals than other teams.  Not saying you should depend on this strategy or anything, but they sure do make it fun...and exciting.


-I might technically like watching other sports a little more, but hockey announcers are absolutely the best.  They are knowledgeable, speak well, keep up with the constant action, and I feel smarter after watching a game.  They are kind of like if they cloned Hubie Brown in basketball.  That is my absolute compliment.


-I still have no idea how the refs stay out of the way of the puck, and still pick certain plays to just watch the refs.


-Interviews with hockey players are NEVER a let down.  Dude could be an enforcer with 3 teeth, have a strong 1st period to the point where he gets an interview, and scary guy will talk intelligently, say fair things, and generally make a watcher like the sport even more.


-Interesting that the Pens went into Game 2 against Philly with four straight HOME playoff losses.  Now you can sleep soundly tonight.


-I love the number of OT games that are going on in round 1 of the NHL playoffs.  Exciting stuff all around.


-The fact that Phoenix is even IN the playoffs, and that they are giving Chicago a run up to this point, is utterly amazing.  No owner and very little money over there, and they won't quit.  They rent out the arena to community league games and events to make money.  Dave Tippett, their coach, is definitely a guy I would want to play for.  You should look up their story, and then watch a game in awe.


-Evgeni Malkin is just HUGE.  Still, he is SO smooth on his skates.  Loss or not, that sick assist he had this weekend was off the hook.


-However it happens, watching super-stars like Giroux and Crosby get into fights is just fun.


-Danny Briere looks like the tiniest guy to ever play hockey.  Dude gets SO much respect out there by the bigger guys.  If you have any doubt about much of a badass he is, he leads the Flyers in postseason goals since he came on board.


-What is the over-under for the number of Staal brothers in the playoffs each year?  Could you hypothetically bet on this?  I know there are 3 of them in the league, and pretty sure the youngest is almost there.


-The Flyers scoring with 2.8 seconds in the 2nd period Sunday totally changed Cousin Mo.  I don't care how many times you would have asked me.  There is NO way I would have thought in a million years that they would be up 3-0.  But I am damn sure happy.


-The oddity is that my Flyers could jack up my own postseason predictions.  Win-win.  Take THAT, Rosie Perez.  Put THAT in your silly formula.


-I thought that it was odd and very Bertuzziesque ( I think this word is a keeper) that hours after Mike Babcock said the Red Wings would not go after Shea Weber, Todd drops his gloves with him.  Todd is lucky that didn't swing things the other way.


-The score said 8-5, but Friday's Pitt/ Philly game was one of the most better quality games I have seen in years.  Think about it this way.  It was 8-5 and neither goalie got pulled for allowing those high quality shots going by. 


-Pens Ashman's cross check was wrong AND brutal.  Play the game right, bro.


-Pens and Flyers have been semi-rivalry teams for years, but I think this series this year makes this the replacement for Avs vs. Wings of the mid 90's to the mid 00's.  That is what 158 penalty minutes in one game does for you.  Games have been CRAZY.


18)  Ex-NBAer Jayson Williams is out of prison...again.  He exited Rikers this week.  Interviews with security guards say he was a model inmate, except while sleeping, where he would uncontrollably shout 686 in his sleep.  The security guards were baffled, but luckily I have the answer.  It was his salary before being imprisoned on charges related to his chauffeur's shooting death and then his most recent DUI.  6 years, $86 million.  You are the next in line of being Hall & Oates.  So close, yet so far away.


19)  See?  At least I know National Geographic reads my blog.  Stemming directly from my Rant confusion of why Tuna prices keep going up and wondering if they evolving and are suddenly harder to watch, they are starting the series "Wicked Tuna."  I think I will throw myself in as a viewer.  Seinfeld is off the air.  Family Guy can't come out with enough new episodes for me.  Criminal Minds is skirting with becoming CSI: Miami.  2.5 Men is missing Charlie Sheen.  I think I will finally "catch" a new show.  Bring it.


20)  Interesting puzzle.  Dwayne Wade and Tim Tebow are shown on the big screen during a Yankees game...and booed.  Welcome, to NY, nice, religious guy.  Sure, Wade beat the Knicks before the game, but was it him or Tebow getting booed, and if so, why?  They had Yankees hats on.  Are there more people out there like me, are they already tired of the press watching is every move, or were they booing something totally different?  Interesting, trying to figure out what thousands of unknown people who we will never talk to were mad at.  Maybe the losers on the recent 100k bid to spend a day with Tim Tebow (what?) multiplied like Gremlins thrown in a pool and all attended the game.  Have fun with Tim, NYC.  Thanks for taking him away...far away.


21a)  The Gremlins had its moments, but of course was as awful as half the eighties.  I still want to know when feeding "after midnight" ended.  All I know is I would have definitely offered a buffer zone.  I would have starved that thing until about 2 in the afternoon just to account for time changes, changing sunrises, etc., and then stopped feeding before the sun went down.  My Gremlin would have been pissed at me, and might have changed into its sinister self just because it was pissed at me in following the rules to a little higher degree than its friends owners.  It would have asked for soup in the AM, and I would have yelled "No soup for you, bitch."


22)  I hear the Sacramento Kings arena deal fell through.  Does anyone else think that all of this literally stems from the 3 ptr from Robert Horry in Game 5 of the playoffs back in the day?  I do.  Of course, I am still the person who think that Rocky IV ended the Cold War, so I wouldn't totally buy into my conspiracy theories.


23)  Larry Eustachey has said he will take Colorado State to the Final Four.  I find this statement odd.  Not odd as it is pretty lofty expectations for a non traditional basketball school, but odd in this way.  NCAA Basketball (which by the way is my addiction) is the only sport where saying your goal is to make the semi-finals is considered an end result.  Think about it.  In football, you say national championships. In every other sport, you say the national championship.  Basketball?  Somehow, saying you will make the Final Four is legitimate.  Hell, if you are saying this, why not just say you win two more games?  When judging a coach in NCAA basketball, championships AND Final Fours are counted.  Here is another one.  Jack Nicklaus's record of 19 Majors is considered the ultimate, but how many people actually remember that he finished in 2nd place how many times???? NINETEEN, people.  Amazing, but we don't count those.


23a)  Larry, I hope you are truly past those dark times at Iowa State, because you DO know they have fraternity parties in Colorado, right?  We are not all granola, mountains, and hippies.


24)  NFL draft invitees were announced this week.  Does anyone else actually get excited about which guy will be last in the Green Room? Just me?  Sorry.  Moving on.


25)  I know it is not the playoffs yet, but the Bulls beating the Heat in prime time without Derrick Rose is NOT a good sign for the Big 2.5 (sorry, Bosh).  I am not saying James and Wade are not the shit, but I will leave it at this.  They have bad outside shooting nights frequently by role players, and they are pretty small inside.  I haven't bought in up to this point, and I will continue to not buy in.  The Bulls are more efficiently built.  Mike Miller better get healthy if they are going to have a shot.  And someone on the front line better go into a growth spurt suddenly.


26)  I had Gran Torino and Rocky IV as my Sunday flippers after the Flyers game.  As Ice Cube would say, it was a good day.


27)  I don't watch it, but do see some previews for it here and there.  Is Celebrity Apprentice like a halfway house for struggling stars?


27a)  I think I am still bitter.  I am proud to say I have been hooked on only 2 reality shows in my life.  They snuck in the first Apprentice in between the old must see TV Thursday lineup back in the day.  I wasn't watching it.  I was trying not to listen to it.  BUT.  The next week I had to tune in since I now was familiar with all of the characters.  Damn.  The other one?  Ummm.  Let's just say that sometimes when I am out on the town, people ask me "so you think you can dance?"  Shhhhh...


28)  Knicks Baron Davis turned 33 this week.  Hey, your age is finally catching up to that old man beard you have had for years.  You are about 3 years from everything matching up.


29)  The Denver Bee Gardens (that is scary to me in itself) had an event this weekend where it would show Colorado residents the 500 species of bees that live in our state.  Considering I run faster than Usain Bolt when spotting one single honeybee, I decided to pass on this informational session.


30)  If I was a Saints fan, and considering my year was already problematic because of the Bountygate, I am going freaking NUTS that the team can't reach an agreement with Drew Brees.  As fast as this team came to life after Katrina is as fast as this team goes down if they can't re-sign him.


31)  Amidst all of the antics with Van Gundy, ownership, and Dwight Howard, Dwight now goes down for the rest of the regular season with back problems.  Think other teams are quietly giving thanks for not giving up the farm in a trade for the big guy?  Yup.


32)  I get really mad at Comcast On Demand.  If I had a dime for every time I came home and "demanded" to see a movie that wasn't on there, I would... have a lot of dimes.  The movie in question this week was Book of Eli.  Damn you, Comcast.


33)  Some players get a big contract and then kind of fizzle out (Happy Birthday again, Baron Davis!), but other times there are players who keep busting their ass out there.  David Lee, you might be making any playoff noise this year, but dibs to you for averaging a solid 20.1 pts and 9.6 rebounds this year for a pretty weak Golden State squad.


34)  I will root for the Sixers.  I am from there, and hope that the young kids piss some heavyweight off.  Plus, they will buck the odds in what works in the NBA playoffs.  Combine their defense, Doug Collins coaching, youth, and the fact that their leading scorer comes off the bench, and you would have one hell of a Cinderella story.


35)  Gia was on main cable this week.  I didn't watch it, although I have firmly advertised that every male should watch the first hour at least (in the second hour, you realize that girls aren't kissing anymore and that they went to "plot development.").  It was on main TV.  Useless.  That is like going to Baltimore's Inner Harbor and purposely ordering fake crab.


36)  I like that the Cards won the World Series.  I like the whole Rally Squirrel thing-cute.  But putting the freaking squirrel on your World Series rings?  I think that is crossing the line...just a tad.  Plus, isn't the Rally Monkey from the Angels going to sue the Rally Monkey from the Cards?


37)  The sky is blue, the grass is green, and what ever happened to the actual phone call thing?  Rangers F Hagelin "texts" his apology to Alfredsson.  Really?  Give the freaking guy a call.  Tell him...my bad.


38)  I don't follow MMA too much, but I am pumped for this upcoming Evans/ Jones bout on this weekend.  Teacher vs. the student.  I guess I should compliment the article in ESPN Mag for getting me all curious about this also.  Good job.  I am in.  If you are not a watcher of MMA, as I am for the most part, and you HAD to pick one fight to watch, it is this one.


39)  In Houston's version of Jeremy Lin, Rockets Goran Dragic has averaged 20.5 and 7.8 assists over his last 10 games, netting him Conference Player of the Week honors also.  Houston might not make it to the playoffs this year, but this has to give hope to the coaches and fanbase.


40)  Sad to hear a soccer player died on the field this week.  My thoughts go out to his family.  It stinks that it happened at all, but on the field?  Sad.


41)  A Denver male tried out for the Broncos cheerleading squad this week.  Rah rah to crossing lines and doing what you want and all that jazz, but please tell us you lost a bet.  This is like watching a dude sing Britney Spears at karaoke.  There HAS to be a story behind it.  Has to.


42)  Mike Tyson has a TV show evidently.  Mike, I am sure you will be great in it.  Maybe one of your guests will break the news to you that your whole LIFE has been a TV show.  I would lend you my ear for feedback, but no telling how THAT would turn out.


43)  AWESOME story.  We just lost a knuckleballer from the big leagues in Tim Wakefield.  Well, evidently one of the Niekro guys passed along some knowledge.  To who, you ask?  Great story.  http://sports.espn.go.com/espn/e60/news/story?id=5386830


44)  Alabama football apparently dropped their $30k BCS Championship trophy this week.  It shattered.  Word is, when Nick Saban was questioned about this mishap, he said "Defending champions, #1 recruiting class?  Guess we will just have to get another one of those bad boys this year."  He didn't say that actually, but I think I believe this fake statement regardless.  Dude can flat out coach, and no shortage of talent coming to that town.


45)  I report EVERYTHING.  Kenya's Korir won the Boston Marathon this weekend.  I was SO surprised the winner came from Kenya, that I almost missed the stat that this was the second slowest marathon time since 1985.  Exciting stuff, people, and I am here to report it.


46)  Clemens is back in court.  I joke about Rip Van Winkle hooks here and there, but I bet you could SERIOUSLY fall asleep for 20 years and come back to a Roger Clemens trial.  Book it.


47)  Did anyone else take my advice and bet on the Washington Nationals to win the World Series?  I looked into it for this hook and found it to be about 25:1.  I will be honest with you.  I thought it would be more.  Don't lay down the money.  I thought you might get at least 50:1.  Damn you Vegas.  You read my blog, didn't you.  Admit it.


48)  I am impressed with the whole Vinny Del Negro thing with the Clippers.  A couple weeks ago, he was a target with an underachieving team that might not even make the playoffs.  Now?  They have quietly gotten through that rough patch and everyone now loves Vinny again.  Side note.  Great article about Griffin needing to streamline some basics of his game to go to the next level.  Being the dunk of the night every night doesn't make you a winner...yet. http://sportsillustrated.cnn.com/2012/writers/sam_amick/04/13/blake.griffin/index.html


49)  Bobby Valentine continues to make waves.  He is having some media words with Kevin Youkilis.  Bobby, are you and Ozzie Gullien drinking with each other?  Don't answer that.  Why don't you get a little more into the season before being a headline?  I know that Ellsbury going on the DL probably gave you a good reason to be grumpy, but come on.


50)  Not a fan, but it is my home town.  Dibs to the Denver Nuggets for taking care of a home and home against the Rockets when it was needed most, against one of the teams you are competing with for the spots.  Nice work.  You continue to impress the town and the nation.


51)  Funny story, as I am watching a story on ESPN News about the Broncos and Peyton Manning.  I work with a guy who has a friend living in the Washington Park area of Denver.  Well, about two days after Peyton Manning signed with Denver, the guy was driving along Washington Park on a beautiful day (meaning that place was PACKED).  The guy is answering a text, looks up, and slams on the brakes.  The guy he almost ran over?  Peyton Manning.  He almost had to call Steve Bartman to go out for drinks for the rest of his life.  He almost took out Peyton Manning...personally.


52)  Last link.  This is freaking incredible.  This is literally the worst basketball flop of all time, and puts all of the basketball community back from cracking on soccer players.  Check it out.  Send this to Keanu Reeves, too.  I bet you he would relate to this.  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X9-z2csHYhI


53)  I have more, but I also have a job.  That is it.  Hooks, lines, and sinkers.  What did one shepherd say to the other shepherd?  I am going to get the flock out of here.  Hope you enjoyed.  Next blog will be released Thursday night.  Peace, everyone.