Read it, don't read it, I don't care...just needed to get some things off my chest...
In no particular order of chronology or importance...
Brewing...
(side note. most written Thursday after day 1 of the Masters, so some things are off for my release date-been on a plane all day)
1) I spent the week in Washington DC. They are VERY excited about the Nationals after reading the local sports page for the week. I am not saying I am buying in, and I DO recognize their talent, so I will just say this. I told you this ONE YEAR AGO in this rant. If I was in Vegas, and I had $100 to burn, I would have put it ALL on the Nationals to win it all. GREAT bet. Trust me.
2) The grass is green, the sky is blue, and Nick Fairley has some off field issues. Way to keep it current by getting busted for marijuana possession, bro. I guess Mel Kiper DOES know what he is talking about when he discussed "off field issues last draft.
3) My blog is not famous yet, but I am going to follow Joe Flacco's lead. I am the best. The BEST. Dude. Shut up. Win something, and only THEN grab a mic.
4) Everyone is freaking out about RGIII not working out out for the Colts. Dude is surprised ENOUGH he moved to #2. Why would he be interested for joining a team that just dissed Peyton Manning?
5) Article I did NOT need to open. Flyers coach fined 10k for inclusion in a brawl ice side. I think you would be fired for NOT including yourself in a brawl in Philly. I still talk to my Italian friends who I went and had beers with as a youngster. I am now in Denver for a reason, but that is besides the point. MUCH more laid back out here. It goes along with the fact that VISITING DC is nice. Pretty sights here and there. Renting a car and DRIVING in DC is a WHOLE different animal. Geez.
6) Ryan Leaf, take it easy. I only release two rants per week. Please don't go getting arrested for stealing drugs twice in one week. I have a full time job. I can't keep up. On a serious note, I think I will let you skip the interview with Marcus Vick and Sebastian Janikowski. You are in, bro. Tell Nick Fairley to do something dumb on parole and I can just induct you both onto my special team at the same time. Gerald McCoy, are you listening? You are being scouted...
7) I want a Powerade. You guys have convinced me. The commercial with the bball huddle with players getting confused about when they are starting, recovering, etc. SOLD me. I am now a fan. Haven't tasted it yet, but it is on my list.
8) You just got the feeling that Bobby Petrino was, how should I say it, SHADY. Well, the verdict is out, and dude definitely is in the gray area. Bobby, I noticed you didn't mention your half of your age female companion in the initial post motorcycle crash interview. THAT seems like a pretty important part. You got busted, bro.
9) I know bball. I actually watched the whole women's Final Four championship game. Was the guy's game and women's game an exact replica aside from a few more shots made luckily by KU? Yup. One decent deserving team out there hoping for a few loose balls, the stars to align, and a lot of luck in taking down a much, much better team.
10) The sky is blue, the grass is green, and the Reds are talking to Joey Votto about a contract extension. Go figure. He is a badass. Not exactly Matt Damon scribbling math formulas on a college blackboard, aye? (Wow, what a freaking GREAT movie that is)
11) Claiborne got a FOUR on the Wonderlic. Goodell says he will be cutting down on Wonderlic "leaks." First of all, I just walked by the Watergate Hotel last night, so I find this extra funny (it doesn't take much to make me chuckle). Second, a FOUR? out of 50? WOW. Leak it or not, even Vince Young got a 13 I believe. People, if you take the test, there are two routes. Either answer every question and know you will be ballparking about 15 of them, or go one by one, and know you will get to question 35. Either way, you should get a 25 plus.
12) There is a story about prostitutes and the London Games that I have not opened. I get the feeling that it will be like White Men Can't Jump...TOO easy. No, no. no. TOO easy. F$%^ it. I quit. I don't want to play anymore.
12a) Let's take ALL these bricks and build a house for the homeless. Screw it. Just watch it. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-n3p6KSVcN8
12b) Why the HELL isn't this movie mentioned more for best sports movies of all time? Drama, sad, happy, whatever...it is in my top 7. Off the top of my head...
1) Hoosiers
2) Field Of Dreams
3) Rocky (I still LOVE Rocky IV-I don't care, but I will go with the first one)
4) Remember the Titans
5) Miracle
6) Rudy
7) Cinderella Man
8) Any Given Sunday
9) White Men Can't Jump
10) Tin Cup
(ROUGH draft-I changed it by the time I was done writing it)
13) Kris Humphreys won't divorce Kim Cardashian until she admits it was a sham. I was on Kris's side before this. A sham? With you? I think not, bro. She momentarily forgot she could have any guy in the entire world. PLEASE tell me, that with all the moral foundation you have, that you were at least tapping that shit. PLEASE, Kris.
14) I hear the Jets might be on Hard Knocks again. Might as well. You have the most exciting, interesting, and quotable coach in history, and you have Tebowmania, so it means that you won't have a chance at winning it all. Wait. This is GREAT stuff. PLEASE put Rex Ryan and Tim Tebow in an empty room...with lots of cameras. PLEASE. SOMETHING has to happen.
15) In my cheesy joke of the Rant, I hear that the Giants signed Matt Cain to the richest right handed contract pitching contract in the league. I will say this. He might only pitch once every 5 days, but I think that he is Cain and Abel. Hardy har har.
16) Ryan Newman won Martinsville. Yup. Just reporting it...just reporting it.
17) I am adding this as an addendum to my "I will not marry you unless" list. If you don't laugh EVERY time the Family Guy commercial saying "hwheat thins" is on," then I am not interested. There are actually three more that I came up when I was like 11 years old that actually still hold water, but this is a rant, not a sappy monologue.
18) I don't miss the East Coast. Not only does every other street run diagonal, and when you ask directions, people say "when "I" street turns into "K" street, take a left (why the HELL do streets turn into other streets), but I went to bed a little later than I planned the other night. 1130. It was HALFTIME of the Clippers/ Lakers game. Wow. Halftime.
19) Difference between the NBA and WNBA? Brittney Griner is returning to school, and I had to whip out the magnifying glass to see the story blurb.
20) Is Yuengling only advertised on the East Coast, or did they finally strike it rich or pull a Metallica and decide to release a commercial/ video (One)? I have never seen a Yuengling commercial, and I have seen 5 since I got here Sunday.
21) Masters notes:
-Tiger might be even, but his two amazing pars on the first two holes, the fact that the leader is not that far away, and that he somehow pulled two single bogies WITH penalty strokes, is freaking AMAZING.
-Stenson. Nice knowing you, bro. Sorry, I know the 18th plays the toughest this year, but a snowman ain't going to win it, man.
-Luke Donald was almost DQ'd because of a fax smudge. Read THAT again.
-Did Mickelson REALLY change his driver face with an Allen Wrench on the 18th hole? Wow.
-I am not a Mickelson fan, but his last birdie on the toughest, and last hole, at the Masters means he has no intentions of going anywhere.
-On 13 on the second day (watched it before my plane took off), what was Tiger doing. Par 5. He attempts a nasty hook to the green when he should just lay up, doesn't go into the hazard, and then picks up his ball and takes a penalty stroke. You got lucky by not being in the hazard, bro. You shouldn't have even been there, and had a chance at birdie. You were invested. Why not try a tricky, cool shot we will all talk about that will add or deduct from your legend.
-Tiger might have played his way out of it today, but seeing Fred Couples at the top of the leaderboard makes this PRIME time watching. If you don't love that guy, there is something wrong with you. Tune in Saturday. Watch a couple Couples shots. That was weak, but I still found it funny.
22) The focus is on Augusta. IBM has a female CEO. Notice Augusta is SO concentrated on the Masters, and not equalizing this shit. Sad. Sad. Sad. Get over it. This would be the PERFECT time to let her in the club. What would be funnier is if they said ok, and if she denied them.
23) UCONN apparently lost its appeal to compete in the '13 tourney. If you were curious whether sleepers Andre Drummond and Ryan Boatright weren't going pro before, now you know. Book it.
24) Hey, Gregg Williams. No CLUE an audio tape was in the audience? You got NAILED for saying you wanted to hurt the 49ers? I WILL say this. I had to look Kyle Willliams up. I admit it. You got me. I know knocking out a returner is a Cousin Mo shifter, but I still was stumped.
25) I hear London is naming all of its transit stops during the Olympics after former Olympiads. I like this idea. "Take Phelps east to Jesse Owens, and then cross the street to Mark Spitz.
26) I was in a DC bar tonight where I was drinking well bourbon, the bartender was rather on the large side, and the stock closet was upstairs. I got Jameson at the well price. Yay for stairs and chocolate.
27) If you missed the dunk by Griffin over Pau Gasol. then I understand why you don't like basketball. You want the link? No. Look for it. It is worth it, and then some.
28) I know time has passed and we are all getting older, but guess what the AVERAGE salary for Major League Baseball is. GUESS. 3.4 million PLUS. Damn. I guess software sales was the wrong profession.
29) Perfect example of why big people stop trying. In a LOADED NBA draft, and in a year when he gets hurt during the tourney and showed us NOTHING, Fab Melo goes pro. Really, dude? You will be a lottery pick because of your size, but there is a slight difference between 1 and 13. Guess you should though, as it certainly appears you aren't the best test taker.
30) One of my favorite moments of the WEEK was Dwight Howard coming up to Stan Van Gundy DURING an interview LIVE and giving him a hug. After Stan said that he thinks that Howard is trying to get him fired. LOVE it. Whoever the bad guy in this scenario is, it is fun following it. Conspiracy theory I read in the Washington paper. He turned down a possible Lakers trade because he didn't want his career to be an exact replica of Shaq's. I had never thought of that angle. Good stuff, whether true or not.
31) Food for thought. Johan Santana WAS a badass. He got hurt. He is back. He looked SHARP tonight. Note to self.
32) Did you hear that some admin person sent out an email to all Ohio State students Saturday night, telling them to celebrate responsibly. Whoops.
33) I hear the top prep QB chose USC over the Sooners. I would, too. A lot of Heisman QB's out of that factory. If Barkley wins it this year, they will tie for most all time for schools.
34) Reggie Miller is finally in the HOF. Thanks for stating the obvious. Good job. What took so freaking long?
35) Did you hear about the awesome April Fool's joke at a baseball game? Adam Wainwright was pitching. The stadium wanted to give someone a new car. Who's car? Adam's white pickup. They drove it out on the field when he realized what was going on. Nice.
36) NCAA National Championship notes:
-I liked the Fray's national anthem. Very CO, and very right.
-Withey having 28 blocks going into the game is CRAZY
-does Withey realize he can't take AD alone? Pass it, bro.
-when it was 31-19 in the first half, you kind of knew what was up
-so was the 14 pt halftime score
-just MAKE it a game
-I was in a bar yelling "where is Teehan?" I am not embarrassed. It had logic. He is the only guy who can consistently gun it from three on that team. I don't see Morningstar coming off the bench any time soon.
-Did you know that PBR was the best beer in 1893? Read the label, people. Not sure why it still says that , but there HAS to be a founding fathers joke...somewhere.
-My boss would like to tell you that his horrible volleyball team FINALLY won a game. It wasn't beach, so it doesn't count. I thank my brother for making me good at beach volleyball. He is 6'8". I am 6'3". I was the SETTER on his team the couple times we played.
-Thomas Robinson had a one handed rebound, and got it stolen. As Gene Hackman said in the greatest movie of all time, "you stay in the game." What is going through your mind when you try to act cool like that against a powerhouse like UK?
-Why were Withey and Robinson missing one handed dunks? Why try? You have two hands and you are down in the score.
-Loved the Def Leppard Rock of Ages playing in the background. Damn, I so love eighties rock.
-what was up with the random camera angle at the midpoint of this game? Blooper, or trying something irritating and new?
-you know it is bad when KU fans are rocking when they are down 9 pts.
-AD's stat line was SICK. One field goal, and he OWNED the game.
-I read the SI article about the UK winning team on the plane. Great stuff. I still hate Calipari, but that team impresses me...a lot. Asked about whether Charles Barkley was right about them beating the Charlotte Bobcats, one coach said, "Yes, if they stuck around for another 2-3 years." We don't have to worry about THAT experiment.
37) The grass is green, the sky is blue, and Jared Sullinger is entering the draft. You gave it a run, and now go to where you belong, bro.
38) The new Marlins stadium is pretty fancy. The home run activated sculpture. The lime green. And dibs to them for not getting no-hitted in their first game there. Barely.
39) A guy who averaged 7.9 pts in the Lebanese league just scored 113 pts...in one game What should I do with this? 32-59 from behind the arc is pretty cool, but let's talk to you when you average more than 15 pts...AFTER figuring in your 113 pt scoring binge.
40) The cops drew guns on Torey Hunter. He was sitting on the couch. At home. By himself. I feel like a player wanting to crack on a ref. I don't want to get fined.
41) Some UFC guy failed a doping test. Can't believe there aren't a LOT more of these.
42) The Giants/ Jets are the first preseason NFL game. No word yet on who is the home team.
43) Calipari says the Knicks and NBA are not options. Dude, you are living at the top of the world. Unless, someone can guarantee that he gets AD on his team, evidently he won't go anywhere.
44) I hear that playoffs are part of the new BCS options. I am taking a nap with some guy named Rip. Wake me up when that happens.
45) Steve Nash says his back is GREAT. He is 38. In a related story, Greg Oden has declared himself also 100% healthy. He just LOOKS 38.
46) Sad story that got put in a a blurb. During the UK celebration, a man got shot. His leg was amputated this week. How is this NOT a bigger story?
47) Andrew Bynum has been fined by the NBA. Joe DiMaggio is VERY worried about his 56 game streak. That is what his family tweeted me at least. Hits in a game/ being an idiot in some way in consecutive weeks. You say tomayto, I say tomahto.
48) Roger Goodell has declared that who the Saints pick as head coach is up to them. Word is that he Pac Man Jones was in another strip club, and that Roger was distracted when declaring this.
49) Jimenez hits Tulowitzki in a PRESEASON game. Either you meant it, bro, or you should go have some beers with Rick Ankiel and relearn how to play outfield. That pitch, as Stewie would say, "spot on."
50) The Giants are seeking protection of their "Timsanity" trademark. Do I even need to make a joke on this? Wow, I love that he is out of Denver.
51) Rajon Rondo lifts the Celtic with a triple double. Word is that a trade rumor will be circulating within 24 hours, as it always does when he shows how much of a PG stud he is. That is what my sources say.
52) Kim misses a 2 foot putt, and then loses in sudden death...in a major. Wouldn't want to have beers with her anytime soon.
53) Here we go. I am a Phillies homer, but my predictions are the following:
Giants over Phillies in 7 games.
Angels over Rays in five.
Giants over Angels in 7 games.
54) What did one shepherd say to the other shepherd? Let's get the flock out of here. You might think it gets old. You have NO IDEA how much I use that in real life. People around me don't like it, but I am blind to it. Really, sometimes when you win, you actually lose. Sometimes when you lose, you actually win. Sometimes when you tie, you actually win or lose. And. Sometimes when you win or lose, you actually tie. Peace. Til this weekend or Monday. Go El Tigre, or Freddy Couples...
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