Read it, don't read it, I don't care...just needed to get some things off my chest.
In no particular order of chronology or importance...
Now that my heart has started beating again after the Louisville/ Florida game...just writing at commercials of the Ohio State/ Syracuse game as I am overloaded with hooks.
1) Sean Payton is out for the year. Wow. What a penalty, with a loaded team in the prime of their career. Was it too much? Ten years ago, I would have said yes. I also understand that old school football has bounties involved here and there. But. This is the Roger Goodell regime. It is what it is. Love him or hate him, he has his way, and that way has dramatically cleaned up the game on and off the field. He shocks people with certain penalties handed down, but then players and coaches are having second thoughts because of those penalties before doing a similar type of wrong. As far as the Saints go, here is my conspiracy plan. Bring in a cameo. Bring in a big gun. Bring in Gruden for year. Bring in Cowher for a year. Bring in Bill Parcells. Bring in someone who would be a ground-breaking as a rental. Will it happen? Probably not. But it sounds fun, doesn't it? Side note. I hear the Senate is going to join the bounty investigation. Ugghhhh.
2) Tiger hurts his achilles. Tiger gets better. Tiger tweaks his back. Tiger gets better. Tiger is presently leading at Bay Hill going into the final day. Here is the thing. Am I happy he is looking solid? You betcha. I am getting goosebumps thinking about him at Augusta in a couple weeks. That being said, here is the thing. If he blows the 1 stroke lead tomorrow, mentally he will be back to square one. He won't believe in himself, let alone have other players fear him anytime soon. Win this shit, buddy, and go into Augusta with that old stare from back in the day.
3) Tim Tebow goes to the Jets. I am surprised Mark Sanchez didn't get arrested for doing something stupid the night he heard this delightful news. I personally think it is a horrible fit, although my elation from him leaving this town outweighs any thoughts about that future situation. Mark Sanchez will throw three straight bad passes in week 2, and then have the luxury of listening the crowd start chanting Tebow, Tebow. That will be a treat. Good luck with that, Mark. Plus, anytime an organization wants to take you out for 10-15 plays to run a crazy option offense, you know you are not liked that much. You think Tom Brady would ever be off the field for 10-15 plays when healthy? Change of pace my ass. So let me ask this. Are they going to have two different practices, one without the Wildcat and one with? It won't work. Boy, would I LOVE to be a fly on the wall for Rex Ryan's first few chats with saintly Tebow. http://www.theonion.com/articles/tim-tebow-absolutely-horrified-after-first-phone-c,27717/ Think I am glad he is out of Denver? Check out this crap: http://www.nfl.com/news/story/09000d5d827d0671/article/pat-robertson-broncos-treated-tebow-shabbily
4) Not only have the Thunder built a great team in the right way, but then they quietly picked up veteran Derek Fisher this week. GREAT pickup, and EXACTLY what they needed. You get championship experience, a veteran voice in the locker room, and a solid back up to stud Russell Westbrook. I still like the Bulls, but my uncertainty grows with this pickup.
5) Not sure what goes on at VCU, but I still have NO idea how that school continues to keep Shaka Smart. He turned down Illinois this week. Not that is a dream job or anything, but this is the second year in which he is turning down people left and right. Dare I say that Shaka must be the most content, happy, and nicest person I know.
6) The sky is blue, the grass is green, and your best pitcher starts opening day in baseball. Thanks, Nationals, for enlightening us that Stephen Strasburg is your opening day starter. Now I can get some sleep finally.
7) I am not one to do many hooks on women's basketball, but the story of Elena Della Donne is moving. Truly. She was the #1 recruit a couple years ago, and signed on with UConn. She drove away in the middle of the night after being there briefly. She ended up going to small school Delaware to be closer to her older sister, who has cerebral palsy. They lost to Kansas this year, but I am a better person for just hearing her story. Changing gears, and making sure I only have one hook on women's basketball, Brittney Griner? Dibs to the dunks, and your voice is scary low. Scary low.
8) Hey, Quizno's. I love some of your specials. I remember some prime rib one that was ridiculously good for a fast food place. But. This lobster thing you got going? I can't do it. I have to draw the line somewhere. And that is what I choose to do until I see helicopter landing pads on your roofs with rental paperwork proving you are using Airwolf to transport the lobster meat.
9) After a solid season, CSU's basketball coach decided to take the opening at Nebraska. I am a transplant here in Denver, therefore I don't even have any natural hatred towards the state of Nebraska aside from my ex-fiancee being from there. ANYWAY, dude. You DO realize that except for the level of competition you will be playing against, that this really isn't an upgrade, right? That is such a football school, that I wouldn't be surprised if their practice courts have rims with chains and are played on blacktop.
10) If it came out in the news that Andrew Bynum had some sort of mental disorder, I would not be surprised at all. Dude is huge, has mad skills, but seems to be playing with about 48 cards up there in the noggin. In the news again this week for complaining about an ejection.
11) Either ESPN is covering more soccer, or I truly believe that Lionel Messi reads my blog and has just become PISSED at me. Ever since I wrote that I would take Pele or Maradona first in a hypothetical soccer draft, he is all over the place. This week, he became the all time goal scorer in Barcelona history, and I have to admit, the goal he did it with was pretty freaking sweet. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=brV-_y9WpnI
12) I thought Samsung was a behind the times provider from the eighties. Then, I see that they have phones you can write on, and TV's that talk to and listen to you. When the hell did THEY just start kicking everyone's ass?
13) The Miami Heat sign Ronny Turiaf this week. This does help their front court depth for the playoffs, and adds another team on the future sports trivia question ten years from now of "You win $10,000 if you can name every team Ronny Turiaf has played for in order."
14) The Grizzlies quietly signed Gilbert Arenas this week. He actually can't join the team for another week because he has to follow the 7-day waiting period and background check rules (the joke is there. I PROMISE).
15) I love hockey. I love hockey fights. But the Devils/ Rangers having three guys from each team drop their gloves at the very beginning of the game made fun of the sport, and the whole concept of why fights actually exist in hockey. Dumb.
16) I am NOT saying this just because I am a Steelers fan, as I try not to be homer or just report my teams on this Rant. I am saying this as a true football fan. Hines Ward's retirement speech was genuine and moving. I am proud to be a fan of a franchise where a receiver retires because he doesn't want to suit up in anything else but black and gold (insert Big Ben joke here, readers). http://old.post-gazette.com/pg/12081/1218271-150.stm
17) I watched UNC's first game without Marshall, with him being benched because of his hurt wrist. It was ugly, lost basketball offense. I think they escape the weekend, and that he gets another week of healing, but I think that either the Cuse OR Ohio State will eat them up without him. Both have too good of guard play. His loss will be felt.
18) That mention of Airwolf got me thinking. Stringfellow Hawk is one of the coolest names for a TV character ever. Yeah. (starting to hum Airwolf theme music) Here. Hum along with me. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nr_CJL1YQRc
19) NCAA random thoughts:
-I don't understand why Kentucky's Michael Kidd-Gilchrist had to announce he is entering the NBA draft DURING their tourney run. Why tell us now? Concentrate on your present, not your future. The only theory I could fathom was that he was telling his teammates through the media that they better do some shit right NOW, because he ain't coming back.
-I am not saying that not having kids and not being married is robbing me of life's other joys, but watching EVERY single basketball game during March Madness has been absolutely delightful in every way. Different things make different people happy. I am happy.
-The free throw situation at the end of the Michigan St./ Louisville game was just plain odd. A player who wasn't fouled snuck to the line and missed the free throw. When the refs figured it out, they let the actual player shoot both free throws, which of course he made. Luckily, it had no bearing on the final score deficit, but how does THAT happen, and how is that legitimate rules?
-I LOVE how growing up, the zone was what you played when you were lazy, and Boeheim LIVES by it, and wins a LOT.
-Louisville's comeback against Florida was remarkable enough, but the fact that they ran out of timeouts, Silva fouled out early, Kuric and others had four fouls, were in the bonus early, etc. made it THAT much more remarkable. Everything was against them. If they got into a situation where they needed to foul to keep it close late, they would have run out of players and had to bring in Gene Hackman. Teacher:7. Student: 0 (although Donovan DOES have one more championship)
-Pitino has never lost when he gets to the Sweet Sixteen. That is amazing stuff.
20) The Knicks look good under Goodson. Still no huge rebirth of Linsanity, but maybe that says something about his system. Uhhh. DEFENSE, Knicks. There you go.
21) Someone needs to flowchart for me Venus Williams's career path. Evidently, she is back playing again. I actually follow tennis and I didn't really even know she was out. I thought she was just not winning.
22) Article I didn't have to open to chuckle. "Sandusky's lawyer asks judge to dismiss charges." What? Someone tell that guy to go visit the Bubble Boy. Moors!
23) Chipper Jones is retiring from baseball after this year, and after, evidently, his upcoming surgery. All jokes aside, there is a great article about his career and his class in a recent article of ESPN Mag. Check it out.
24) Very quietly, the Colts picked up Drew Stanton from the Jets, and made their young QB depth chart a lot better. Wow, Jets. You pick up Tebow and get rid of Stanton. Go with Sandusky's lawyer when he goes to the Sangers.
25) Iverson sighting! Iverson Sighting! (you know I LOVE that guy, so any news is good news for me when it involves him) Can we do the "practice speech?" Yes? Ok. Incredible, still. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eGDBR2L5kzI
26) My parents gave me Life's Little Instruction Books when I was growing up. I still have all of them. One of my neighbors locked herself out of her apartment, she used my phone, and I lent one to her so she could kill time until the key guy arrived. I told her the book was small enough, that she could just slide it under my door when the guy came. She never gave it back. Bitch.
27) Andrew Luck had his pro day. It went well. RGIII had his pro day. It went well. I am still going to be forever confused if RGIII goes first. I personally still don't get why he is going second.
28) I like that Volkswagen commercial where "Riding Dirty" is playing in the background and the mom is cruising in her daughter's boyfriend's crazy green, tricked out ride. That is funny.
29) I saw the Girl with the Dragon Tattoo. My system worked, inverting the order I read something and watch the movie after the travesties of The Da Vinci Code and several Grisham novels, and reading the book first. I am over-analytical about movies, but I will say this. See it. It is slightly long, but well worth it. And yes, there is a surprise sex scene with some nudity. Yay.
30) I hear Mike Wallace wants more than Larry Fitzgerald for his contract. Dude must either be really dumb, or REALLY want to stay a Steeler.
31) Red Sox manager Bobby Valentine apparently got mad at Joe Girardi for stopping a spring game. Really? Are you personally integrating yourself into the rivalry. Don't worry, Bobby. You are in it, it will come, and there is no need to manufacture anything.
32) The sky is blue, the grass is green, and Austin Rivers will enter the NBA draft. Thanks for letting us know, Austin. Your talents will be missed of course, but now Duke can go back to their winning, age old, efficient offense of not dribbling the defense to death.
33) The Heat honored Trayvon Martin this week with photos of them dressed in hoodies. I admit it. I didn't hear about it. Here you go in case you also missed it. http://www.google.com/hostednews/ap/article/ALeqM5gNZGRWMd7msShtng3-UP3YcivEuw?docId=cf76e46b87df4e90bbf77cbbbabce150
34) This is a new one. Nice, Jenks. Two more and you are eligible for my special team. You seem to have talent. http://hardballtalk.nbcsports.com/2012/03/23/bobby-jenks-i-took-too-many-muscle-relaxers/
35) The Rangers are selling a new hot dog that costs $26. Do I even NEED to conjure a joke on this one? No, I don't.
36) They are still making new CSI: Miami's? This seriously gets me depressed about the masses. People, turn the channel. It is HORRIBLE. This is ALWAYS worth watching. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mznsEcZlM2I
37) You can finally get some sleep. Here is that stat that has been bugging you the last few years. I am here for you. JaVale McGee, the Nuggets new player from the Nene trade, is the ONLY NBA player EVER that is the son of a WNBA player. Damn. That is technically TWO women's basketball takes.
38) That is it. Second half of Cuse/ State about to start. Need to focus. Hey, Airwolf, come and pick me up and take me to the game. As one shepherd said to the other shepherd, I am getting the flock out of here.
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