070911

Read it, don't read it, I don't care...I just need to get some things off my chest.

In no particular order of chronology or importance...

1.  I have to lead with the Tour de France.  In today's stage, there was a ...just kidding.
2.  That is such a sad story about the firefighter who fell at a Rangers game.  My thoughts go out to his family.  Poor Hamilton.  He tries to do a great thing and simply toss a ball to a fan who didn't have the best seats in the house.  The guy leans over a little and falls 20 feet. The video was painful to watch, and Josh meant well.  Just a bad story all around.  No jokes on this one.
3.  NFL talks.  Just get this shit done.  I didn't realize how nervous I was about getting a resolution until I read the college football preseason rankings yesterday and thought about how they start about a week apart.
4.  I have to own up to it.  Aside from Ben's little college escapade a couple years ago, I have always been proud to be a Steeler fan.  They stay out of trouble and run a class-act organization.  Add in the fact that they play old school football and make it to the Super Bowl enough to keep me happy, and they are easy to be fans of.  So, when the following news came out today, I almost threw something at my TV.  Hines.  Really?  Dude.  Why did you have to get yourself AND your organization on the hit list of bad boys during the lockout?  You talk enough shit, but then back it up, that I thought you would be the last person to have this happen.  Damn, man.  It brings up something that has always bugged me about professional athletes.  I just sell software, but I have always said that if I ever made over $1 million a year, I would pay some person $50,000 a year to just pick me up at bars when I was out...at my beck and call.  I don't get it.  At all.  Plus, don't tell me the Steelers don't have some sort of system for these kind of nights to help their players.  No one wants a memo coming over Rooney's desk that validates that one of his players was coming home from a bar at 4am, but it is a lot better than him seeing a mug shot on ESPN the next day.  By the way, did anyone notice the irony?  In his mug shot, Hines had a shirt that started with the slogan "Obey."
5.  Mr. Daly.  Wow, you are the man.  No one can ever really laugh at you because you have two more Majors than focused people such as Sergio Garcia, but how do you do it?  It is like clockwork.  Every two or so years you get more than a 10 on a hole.  I saw that you had a nice little 13 the other day.  You are so awesome, John.  I really think you and I should play a round someday.  We could carry a flask around the course, and shoot some 13's on each hole.
6.  Just when you thought something was isolated, here we go... The scout that has Oregon on the violation radar has connections with Cal and LSU too?  This last year with college violations has been like throwing a Gremlin in water or feeding him after midnight.
7.  Nolan Richardson resigns from his 1-10 WNBA team.  After hearing that news, now I am POSITIVE it is true I don't follow women's basketball.  I didn't even know you were back in the mix.
8.  Andre Agassi is inducted in the Tennis Hall of Fame.  On a sports note, you will always have my respect as you are one of a select few players to win a Major on all three surfaces.  That takes game, people.  Go hit tennis balls on clay, and then on grass, and get back to me.  Mad skills, Andre.  On a non-sports note, I would love to be a fly on the wall when him and Steffi have a little fight at home.  Does anyone but me think that whenever she is losing an argument, she pulls the total Grand Slam titles card?
9.  Yao retires.  What a sad career.  I don't mean sad in a way that hints he didn't have game.  I mean sad in a Grant Hill sort of way.  What could have been?  Not that Francis or McGrady should be poster childs for winners, but Yao had some decent teams with those guys, and I will always wonder what could have been had he not have so many injuries.  Really tall guy, with mad skills and shooting touch...you do the math.
10.  Mr. Jeter.  You got 3000.  However, when critics are bitching about how much time you have left, you do it how?  Home run.  The WAY you do some things are just amazing.  You are a man of the moment.  I had a few jokes for this rant on you, but I will tear them up after your Queen of Spades trumping home run.  There are a select few people I say I would trade spots in a heartbeat with, but you are definitely on the list (for my old school followers, that does not mean he is on my man crush list...Ed Norton (Captain), Matt Damon, Tom Brady, Kirk Herbstreit, and Iverson are safe for now).  By the way, the last guy to homer on #3000?  Boggs.  Now, Jeter just has to drink about 20 beers on the plane ride home and they can share TWO things.  Google that if you don't understand that joke.
11.  Speaking of Gremlins and such, we are on a little hot streak with athletes making gay slurs.  Two more this week.  Beckham (no, not that one) and DeSean Jackson (him saying something stupid is as expected as Beasley getting busted for marijuana and DeShawn getting a public intoxication hit)...What is going on?  Not that there is anything wrong with it(someone should start an over-under pool of how many Seinfeld references I pull out in a rant)...
12.  This is a simple take.  I was reading an article about players from teams in the preseason rankings for college football making comments on their rankings.  They basically were saying that they mean nothing and they don't even know why people write them or pay attention to them.  One of them said "nobody reads them..."  I READ THEM, BIATCH.  I READ THEM ALL!
13.  Seinfeld will never be topped.  Ever.  (That is not a joke.  In my mind, it is even more clear than The Great One still being the best ever when I kick the bucket).  If you are even in the same ballpark as me with Seinfeld, check out Rules of Engagement.  Or the Putty show as I call it.  Basically, they just took his Seinfeld character and displaced it in a brand new show.  Love it.  You got David Spade as the single guy, two people as the engaged couple, and then Putty and some lady as the long time married couple.  They are all friends, and portray the different levels of relationships.  Cool stuff.  Putty steals the show though.  Sidenote.  No, I won't make this a whole separate take, people.  What ever happened to spin-offs?  Am I just not aware that they are still happening, or did the trend of Cosby Show/ Different World just fade away?
14.  Speaking of preseason polls, I don't remember such discrepancies at the top.  Of course, early draft increases shake things up more these days.  However, I have checked out at least 7 different polls (wow, is THAT not a loser statement...), and there is no clear cut choice this year.  You got some random mixture of Oregon, Oklahoma, Alabama, and LSU.  Then you have polls where FSU is #5, and another poll has them out of the top twelve.  Sidenote, after two stellar recruiting classes, I hope you all enjoyed the time of them being not the old FSU.
Devil's Advocate:  Fillerbuster, they had their star QB drafted though.
Fillerbuster:  Go watch some tape on EJ Manuel and be like a TV show and go on hiatus.
15.  Staying on college football for another minute, does anyone else think Harbaugh should have stayed one more year?  It is not like NFL coaches won't get fired this year.  Dude, I would have stuck around with Luck and rode this thing out.  Plus, you brought a hard nosed edge to those smart kids.  Can they continue that without you?  I just don't know, bro.
16.  I understand most natural disasters.  I will be honest with you.  I don't get floods.  I am not the brightest bulb on the tree, but also not a dummy either.  They just don't make sense to me.  Water finds a way out.  It is the nature of the element.  Sure there are valleys, but the earth is round.  I have never been officially in one, but I don't get how water can be more than about five feet in any given location.  That is fine.  You are chuckling about this take now, and I understand.  I admitting I am stupid on this one.  I get tidal waves, hurricanes, tornadoes, and earthquakes, but I just don't get floods.  Whatever.  Moving on.
17.  NOTE: I am not using my Chandler take this week, giving me two in the holster.  I am also not using a sky is blue, grass is green take, giving me FOUR in the holster.  Come on, Capriati or Diego Maradona.  Do SOMETHING.  I need you guys.
18.  Before anyone ever comes back at me on any of my LeBron takes.  Know this.  I know my shit.  I am quite aware that MJ had the same amount of rings at the same age.  There is no LeBron take (Happy 1 year Anniversary of The Decision by the way) this rant.  I am just putting it out there now for future takes.
19.  Dammit.  Ohio State vacates their wins for the year of the violation.  Repeat take, but you people are really jacking up my bar trick of reciting every winner of every sport since my birth.  Seriously.  And someone tell me this.  Does the other team get rings now?  Do they get to go meet the President?  Do they have to go see the President that was in office at the time?  Explain this shit to me.  I am keeping this take short, but I have SO MANY QUESTIONS when "wins are vacated."  Of course, the irony is that I am the guy who would buy the losers' championship T-shirts just to wear them and confuse people.  Can you imagine me talking with one of those irritating Gator fans with a NCAA basketball 2000 championship shirts?  Go, Mike Miller!  Sidenote.  Dude, I had a HORRIBLE goatee for 3 years from about 2000-2003.  Not one of my friends told me how bad it looked.  Not one.  I couldn't connect the goatee from my mouth to the chin part.  Horrible.  I was in a haze clearly and didn't realize it.  I went without shaving for a few days and realized that under my lip grew faster in 3 days than my "connector" in 3 years.  Case closed.  Got my look.  The soul patch.  Anyway, Mike, I am pretty sure the odds of you stumbling on my blog are nil to none, but just in case you do, your facial hair is bad, man.  You need a new look.  Just saying.
20.  I am going one more rant before I do my midseason MLB report.  It could get quite involved.
21.  I love bringing back old school, out of date sayings.  I remember saying "word to the muther" about ten years ago.  Needless to say it irritated people, but I did it anyway.  I kind of do my own thing anyway, right?  Anyway, I have chosen my new saying.  So, prepare for it on the next few rants.  "Take that and rewind it back."  Yup.  Done and done.
22.  That's all I got for this time.  I am going to go golf and when I hit the ball astray, I will yell "Hooker!"  Don't worry, Taint.  I won't.  You will always be the hooker.  I will always thank you for getting this blog started.
23.  Hmmm... Not to diss the shepherds, but I am going the Brady Quinn route today.  NOW I'M DONE.
24.5  No, I am not evidently.  Take THAT and rewind it back.  Peace, people.