072611

Read it, don't read it, I don't care...just need to get some things off my chest.

In no particular order of chronology or importance...

1.  I have missed something.  AND it deals with sports.  The Gamecocks are South Carolina.  When the hell did it get shortened to the Carolina Gamecocks?  I was behind a car with a window sticker with those words.  If I hadn't been on my way to work, I would have pulled the guy over and inquired.  I have never heard of that.  I am going on a roadtrip looking for Virginia Mountaineer stickers.  I will be gone for a while probably.

2.  Favre might be a backup in Philly.  People, he has the media and us wrapped around his finger.  I admit it.  I still opened the article.  Damn.  The agent has told everyone to cool it, but something tells me that if they did get on the same team, a fight would break out during suicides when Favre yelled out that Vick was dogging it.

3.  Seattle loses 16 in a row and then a day later says that they are not considering trading Felix.  Poor guy.  He could have about 7 extra wins per year if they had run support, and he still can't get a ticket out of town.  He was going to call Zach Greinke for drinks, but then remembered that he DID get out somehow.

4.  I can't think of who his face is kind of combined with, but you tell me.  This doesn't look enough like him to me to have on your skin.  I only have one tattoo, but he sketched it first.  I would have taken a look at the rough draft, bro.  I won't even get into the easy joke of cracking on the concept of the story... http://www.foxsportsflorida.com/07/25/11/Heat-fan-gets-LeBrons-face-tattooed-on-l/landing_heat.html?blockID=541286&feedID=3720

5.  I think that the Favre comeback story is helping me shield how tired I am of Terrelle Pryor.  Go have a couple drinks with Maurice Clarett, invite Marcus Vick if you want things to get crazy, and stay off the wire.  You are crowding out other good things going on.

6.  Michael Phelps forgot his swim trunks at a recent meet.  I didn't have to dig on this story.  It was 4th in order on the Fox wire.  I think it was right below the NFL CBA story.  Wow, that site cracks me up.  On a side note, I am not having a separate take on the signing of the CBA.   Just glad it is done.

7.  Tigerland better open pretty soon.  Apparently it has a practice area with bunkers, driving range, and full course.  Hurry up, dude.  It better open before you drop out of the twenties in golf rankings.  Hey, maybe, you better delay that opening a little more and have a robotic caddy constructed who stays with you through thick and thin, helps you win 10 plus majors, and is like family to you when everyone else is hating on you.  I am sure they can make a robot like that.  Make sure he has an Australian accent too.  Either that, or call that Rocky 4 robot.  I hear she is looking for work.  AND, she has never worked at Perkins, so your thoughts can remain clean.  Maybe just give Rodney Dangerfield a call.  Maybe he has that Caddyshack in a mobile version at this point.

8.  I have watched tennis my whole life.  I never would have thought that I would admit that a guy named Mardy Fish is the best American player in the world.  Hey, Mardy, that is not as much a compliment to you as it is a total slam on the present state of American tennis.  It is still not an American sport, but it is easier to explain than our soccer inadequacies.  Plus, we already had a couple times in the sun.  Get it together, men.  Hey, Roddick.  I am glad we didn't submit to your request of calling you ARod after you won your first one.  That would have been premature.  Just a bit, underperformer...

9.  And the remnants of the old Colorado/ Detroit rivalry are almost fully out of the system.  Kris Draper retires after 20 years.  I am a fan of neither, but will say that in my time in Denver, that they owned this town for a decade or so FOR A RIVALRY, not as a team-that was Elway.  It was pretty intense, but it gives you renewed respect for rivalries such as Carolina/ Duke and Boston/ NYY, rivalries that are based on the organization, not the players.  This one is more about the players and incidents in a pointed amount of time, and then die away when they all retire.  The others are forever.

10.  Jason Kipnis's first hit and RBI in his MLB career is a walk-off single.  Nice, dude.  Keep it up, because it just came out the Indians are going to be buyers in the market.  Plus, I need more time to construct jokes about you.  Stop being Andrew Jones and starting out so strong.  I am watching you.  Consider yourself on the useless notion of probation.  I am watching you.  Get a driver, too, for 50k a year.  When you get your next walk-off, you can go get drunk and avoid my rant for any negative reasons.  Otherwise, you will go on double secret probation.

11.  I liked Roberto Alomar's Hall of Fame Induction speech a lot.  Genuine.  One of the best 2nd baseman to play the game, most people are unaware that the spitting incident that he became infamous for had been resolved a long time ago and he remains friends with the umpire to this day.  What is the cliche, even a good person can have a bad day.  Check out his speech:  http://mlb.mlb.com/news/article.jsp?ymd=20110724&content_id=22261158&vkey=news_mlb&c_id=mlb

12.  I read a great article on the debate of who is the best point guard in the NBA.  I found it interesting because of this.  There was only 1 championship between all four players talked about.  Rondo has one ring, but Paul was voted the best, with Rose and Williams also in the conversation.  This take is not about me disagreeing with any of the people mentioned-just saying how it is odd that there were no rings really floating around that group.  With those names mentioned, and with Mr. Irving coming in and Mr. Wall getting better most likely this year, I think we will be on the upswing on this topic, but kind of weird to break down the following.  The PG is the QB of the floor, but aside from Magic, Zeke, and kind of Tony Parker, there has been no real dominant point guard to put a team on his back and get them a ring.  My devil's advocate on this take would be that my statement also is a huge illustration about how dominant the triangle offense, an offense needing no true point guard, truly has dominated the last 20 years.  Yes, Phil, you get some of the credit, but Tex Winter is getting the kudos in this thought.

13.  Dibs to my rivals, the Ravens, or I am subconsciously confused about whether I am making fun of you or just scared you know something I don't know.  You know you have a great defense and are confident in your backups when you release McGahee, Heap, and Mason all in the same week.  You guys are like the Florida Marlins after their once a decade World Series championship, minus the championship of course.  Yes, I know that have that one with Dilfer, just making the reference about a fire sale after a championship...twice.

14.  Obama has the Giants to the White House.  Any word from ESPN on how the hell they didn't get one freaking camera on Brian Wilson when the President was making fun of him?  Was he holding back Tim Lincecum from going to bust up the Pres after he called him the skinny kid for the third time?

15.  The Stow suspects might have assaulted others.  I so hope Stow ends up OK, and I can't wait to see how this pans how.  My Philly fans wouldn't even have pulled the shit you did.  I hope you go to jail for a long time.  No jokes.  Just saying.  Stow will continue to be in my rants until this thing is figured out.

16.  I am not saying that he can't get others, and I will not piling on with any quitting jokes, but Jay Cutler just broke off the engagement with: http://www.google.com/search?q=kristin+cavallari&hl=en&biw=1440&bih=799&prmd=ivnsuol&tbm=isch&tbo=u&source=univ&sa=X&ei=bHYvTob9EaXniALF7bQr&sqi=2&ved=0CC4QsAQ

17.  I love the MLB trading deadline.  It is true.  I still get excited for it.  I will pay attention intently all the way up to the end of it, and then I suddenly realize that damn waiver rule which has like 10 players switch teams after the "deadline" anyway.  What can I say?  I am easily entertained.

18.  DeSean Jackson might hold out.  This outplaying your contract shit is so old.  No, I can't sit here and tell you the difference between making $500,000 and $7 mil, but when did the love of sports come out of it?  I won't get on a soapbox.  Dude.  Just get in camp, don't be a distraction, and realize you aren't exactly on welfare.  You will get paid handsomely next year.  You are too sick.

19.  The Giants are considering bring Plax back suddenly.  I never saw that coming.  Did they suddenly come to the realization that there aren't too many 6'5" 232 lb receivers running around?  Instead of "he went to prison," it is "he is two years older, but hasn't been hit in a couple years and has been working out and a better person, so he must be a YOUNG 34 years old."  Plus, if he makes it back fully, we can start a trend about going to prison during your prime and then coming back to the NFL.  Just don't have them dogsit or go hunting with you...

20.  This Mike Brown/ Carson Palmer standoff is so odd.  These guys are having a pissing contest, and now Marvin Lewis gets his happy group of campers back.  This would be the Chandler part of the program.  Too many jokes.  This would be a multiple choice test:
a) crack on Mike Brown's stubbornness
b) crack on on Carson for telling us he has 84 mil in the bank
c) crack on ANYONE from the Bengals roster-there are enough targets
d) crack just on Ocho...kind of like making Finding Nemo 2 or Forrest Gump 2...it wouldn't work
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21.  Orton is evidently on the trading block.  Don't trust that info yet.  I got it from Fox.

22.  Kevin Kolb to me is like...Sheryl Crowe.  I am reaching here, but stay with me.  I still will never have idea of why the song "All I Want To Do is Have Some Fun" was so freaking popular.  I have no clue.  It was an enigma wrapped in a puzzle.  Pretty basic line, pretty basic 3 chord song, and pretty much not really a true hottie in my book.  Aside from his physical traits, why is Kolb so coveted?  Are the Eagles holding public practices that resemble games?  Is he a Jedi and playing a mind trick on the entire football population?  He has thrown for 2000 yards...in his career.  Watch Seattle picks him up and Tavaris Jackson gets to sit behind another guy, with much less grey hair.  I hope Tavaris keeps a journal.  I would read it.

23.  The NCAA is expanding the agent "definition," mostly because of the Cam Newton fiasco.  Monday morning QB...dammit.  That Cam story still pisses me off.  What do you call players ambushing the agents who got them bad press with huge rings and trophies to beat them down with?  A CamBush...Hardy har har...

24.  McNabb might be going to the Vikings.  Sure, why not?  It is true, guys, that you have one of the best teams aside from a QB.  Keep resigning these aging retreads.  One of them will work.  You guys are like a Redskin 2001-2009 Dan Snyder microcosm.  You are just using the QB position as a retread vehicle, instead of your entire team.

25.  Interesting story.  I didn't know why Larry Johnson signed with Converse coming out of UNLV instead of Nike.  Here is the deal.  He dreamed of getting signed by Nike.  UNLV wore Nike's (probably illegally in some way with that recruiting class.  Are you LISTENING, Calipari?).  Anyway, when he wasn't signed, it was because they said he was undersized to be a superstar.  Converse calls him with this great commercial idea.  Larry Bird and Magic Johnson in doctor's clothing creating the perfect basketball player...Larry....Johnson.  That is kind of a funny idea.  He signs at a later date, and finds out the commercial got scrapped because one of them backed out, still unknown which one.  Hence plan B: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sTwQ0qYUKvg

26.  Interesting note#2.  I made it through an entire rant without ONE Seinfeld reference.  It won't happen again I promise.

27.  More of a passive rant than Saturday's, but hope you enjoyed.  Hmmm....Why am I going to name my next ex "slice?"  Because I was purposely looking for a girl that didn't hook.  Peace, people.  Now, I'm done.