071811

Read it, don't read it, I don't care...I just need to get some things off my chest.

In particular order of chronology or importance...

1.  There are advancements in sports technology that are positive, and then there are the irritating ones.  I hate the PuttZone.  At least the line was in black, instead of some irritating yellow or something.  I am equally amazed that the PuttZone knows the exact line of a random shot onto a hilly green as I am that you can digitally paint a yellow line on the football field that players can run over, but stop the madness.  Make it go away.  Anyway, it sucks.  The one that tracks the ball in the air?  That is where it is at.

2.  We are just about at the mid point of no college basketball, and about to start the college football season.  It seems like a good time to bring up two of my favorite guys.  These two gentlemen seem to always be saying intelligent, well-thought out takes.  I have to say that I usually agree with almost everything they say, which MUST mean that they are on point.  Kirk Herbstreit for football and Jay Bilas for basketball.  You guys are like my EF Huttons.  When you talk, I listen.

3.  I am not exactly hip, and I don't even have an actual joke for it, but Ricky Fowler's outfit on Saturday was...interesting. Nice white jumpsuit.  You shot a hell of a round, but just kind of curious of the thought process that went through your head before going out to hit your warmup balls.  I am assuming your caddy is either as hip as you are or that you didn't snooze on Saturday and beat him out to the driving range.

4.  The women's World Cup was awesome to watch, except for the ending of course.  Still, a great game though.  You kind of just had a bad feeling in those first 20 minutes with all of those scoring chances and nothing to show for it.  It is kind of frustrating when you are dictating the game and still on an even keel with your opponent.  Nice run, though, ladies.  I am not the biggest women's soccer fan, but you had me all in for both of those last two games.  Interesting fact.  The game took over the most tweeted event of all time, beating out Bin Laden's death announcement.  Of course, you could be devil's advocate and say it is just that tweeting is growing in popularity, but I ask that you don't ruin the "Go America" spirit of this topic.

5.  Here is another awesome Sixx A.M. song to check out... http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SSyMSkbIHiA

6.  Clemens gets a mistrial.  Barring any conspiracy theories that seem just so obvious, I guess you could say that just like the batters he faced all jacked up on Roids, they swung and they missed.

7.  I love trades involving "players to be named later."  They are just fun, and they kind of piss me off, because I usually lose track of the players when they are named and therefore am iffy when analyzing a trade for the teams.  I will put these trades in the same category as teams losing wins and championships because of violations.  You guys make it very tough for me when pulling stats up in random bar conversations.

8.  I just get the feeling that I will be like 60 years old and Don Nelson will be on the wire for showing interest in an NBA team.

9.  Dwayne Wade says he is "unsure" of playing on the USA Basketball Team in 2012.  Thanks for the heads up.  Now, I can finally get that sleep I was losing.

10.  The Blackhawks' Kane is "out 6-8 weeks."  Out of what?  When you are "out," isn't that when games are being played?  They aren't even in camp yet, are they?

11.  I bet you overall, golfers are actually the coolest of all athletes.  Sure, they probably started out slow in that category, but then they get to play with a different nationality of golfer every week once they get good on on tour.  They must be very easy to get along with.  You play with John Daly one round, Darren Clarke another, Y.E. Yang another, and Camilo Villegas the final one, and you MUST be well-rounded.

12.  Dustin Johnson sure finds some odd ways to blow championships.  Club selection this week.  The moving ball last year.  I predict he will have the wrong amount of clubs in the bag at the PGA Open final round.

13.  I am kind of excited about Shaq being on TNT.  You could never have predicted the great chemistry between Kenny Smith and Charles, and Magic gets along with everyone (or it just seems that way).  But Shaq and Charles?  That is the ultimate of setting the table.  You guys just jacked up my cooking dinner and bathroom breaks during NBA games.

14.  I almost fell off the couch when I was watching The Daily Show and Seinfeld made an appearance.  The oddity was what WASN'T said.  Jon Stewart was agonizing over making a few gay jokes regarding Bachman.  Seinfeld comes out and consoles Jon.  He is out there for about 6-7 minutes and I can't get "not that there is anything wrong with it?"

15.  "Favre is working out."  AHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!  Stop this madness.

16.  All that gloss I gave Jason Day about being 2nd in both previous majors...did he even play?  Someone I do know who played was Thomas Bjorn.  Dude got the least amount of TV coverage being within 3 shots of the lead in a major that I have ever seen.

17.  Derek Jeter tells us it was his calf, not exhaustion, why he missed the All Star Game.  Whatever, dude.  It is one thing to miss the game, but another thing to backtrack on your story.  Guess you will just have to shut me up by hitting for the cycle on day, winning another World Series, getting MVP next year, or hitting a grand slam walk off on #3500.

18.  I am always in amazement of how little we have had to change sports over the years.  The people who invented those sports had such foresight.  With technological advancements and other changes in eras, the major sports are still pretty much as is.  I can't even write a rant without wanting to modify it the next day, and you guys invent sports that everyone are happy with a hundred years later.

19.  K-Rod to the Brewers.  It will be interesting to see how a closer will gel into the set-up role.  I would think it would be a totally different frame of mind you have to adopt for those roles.  At least they eliminated that 21 more games and you get $17 million option part...

20.  Nice, James Harrison.  Hines, you, and now I am just hoping things really don't happen in threes.  Someone page Ben.  RIGHT NOW!  I want to find out where the hell that guy is.  Geez, James, and I call THIS a rant.  Why don't you go have some beers with Floyd Mayweather?  You guys could get a juiced and put out a YouTube clip.  That would be special I am sure.

21.  Does anyone know when the next thunderstorm will be and have an extra DeLorean sitting in their garage?  Evidently I need 1.21 gigawatts, because I am very much doubting things that are going on when the Pirates are 5 games over .500.

22.  Congrats to the Rutgers player who stood in therapy.  Keep it up, man.  Our thoughts are with you.

23.  With all of the re-used crap in the movie theaters these days, is anyone else surprised that we are on Transformers #3 but only on the first Smurfs movie?

24.  I evidently am supposed to be throwing in hyperlinks into this rant to make it more popular, but not in the mood for this segment.  I am not very hyper I guess tonight.

25.  Nice job, Marc Tyler (USC RB).  I guess we should commend you for not transferring schools when your school got busted, but jokes about getting paid?  Good work, man.  Way to keep it classy.

26.  I am saving up all of my "sky is blue" takes and Chandler takes for a rainy day, not that we haven't had enough of those in Denver in the last few weeks.

27.  Randy Moss is apparently in "freakish" shape.  Dude, we never doubted your physical prowess.  It is the thing you have housed on top of your torso we concern ourselves with.

28.  I am impressed by the casting person of "Cowboys and Aliens."  They got some big names.  I am absolutely confused by it, but am impressed.  Of course, maybe this is still post Green Lantern/ Ryan Reynolds state of mind.

29.  I pick golfers in majors like I pick horses at races.  You could give me 10 guys and make me pick someone to make the top five, and I couldn't do it, and it is not like I don't know my shit.  Padraig, Westwood, Donald...no shows.  Garcia at least made the cut, but seriously, I can't do it.  The next major when I pick my winners, at least you will know who to eliminate.

30.  Congrats to Darren Clarke.  You put on a show.  I would give blood to know what my boy texted you the night before, but thanks at least for telling us he told you SOMETHING.  You come across as a person who anyone in the world would want to have a beers with, you managed the course well, handled an all timer making a run, and did it with style.  Kudos, Darren.  I have always been a fan, and you are one of those guys that I can't imagine anyone not being a fan of, unless they are even bothered by WATCHING people smoke.

31.  Yay.  The NFL talks have gotten through that rookie scale.  Let's get this thing started.  Plus, I am so awaiting the craziest couple week free agency period we have ever seen.  Someone get ready to flow chart where all of the players will go.  How many jokes will be developed when Plaxico signs with Vick and the Eagles?  I have a feeling I will have an easy Chandler take when that happens.

32.  Auburn is still being investigated.  Thanks for the update, wire.  That is a sky is blue take when that shit goes down.

33.  I had a few more things, but time to round it up.  In keeping with my new joke theme, what TV show was Taint an extra on when she was a kid?  T.J. Hooker.  Yeah... take that and rewind it back.

Now I'm done...