070711

Read it, don't read it, I don't care...I just have to get some things off of my chest.

In no particular order of chronology or importance...

1.  Alright.  I will start with this one.  I was wrong about the Wimbledon final.  Right amount of sets, wrong winner.  I woke up and watched the whole match.  I was confused the whole time.  I have to give Djokovic credit.  I haven't seen Nadal on the defensive that much since Federer was still paying him back for beating him at the French a few years ago.  Djokovic dictated the match aside from that one set.  What's scary is Djokovic isn't like a flash in the grass pan like Goran Ivanisevic.  Not a Pat Cash.  Not a Richard Krajicek.  Not a poor man's Boris Becker.  He is solid on all three services.  He is not going anywhere, people.  And three is not a crowd (no, either Andy, you guys are like underage people without a wristband at an over 18 club) in this case.  Solid win, dude.
2.  My favorite story of the week.  Kobayashi was in a public restaurant or bar or something, doing the annual contest vicariously.  Dude, really?  Thanks for letting us know you ate more, also.  We believe you.  You weren't there because of some refusal to sign a contract with the National Eating Organization, or whatever the hell it is called.  Just keep doing contests at a third party location, pray they make a second Usual Suspects, and realize that you are kind of like a very unsuccessful Pearl Jam.  Two jokes there, people.  Neither are off the charts, but because they were in the same sentence and had two totally paradigms, I think they add up to one solid joke.
3.  Josh Hamilton just hit 28 homers in 1 round of the home run derby for MLB in 2008 (listen, people, it is the slow season in sports and yes I have the replay on right now).  Sick performance, and great story.  And genius how you somehow buried that story about your relapse at the Arizona bar with the two chicks while married a month after they wrote you up in half the sports mags across the nation.
4.  Loser moment of the week for me.  I watched, well listened to, a special (HEY.  It was DURING Sportscenter) on Brandi Chastain while I was home the other night.  I realize that while doing dishes I ran back in the living room to make sure I saw where she kicks the penalty kick and takes her shirt off.  I wasn't proud.
5.  In my Chandler "too many jokes" take of the week, Lorenzo Neal got busted for a DUI in between doing work for a group who goes around and preaches against drinking and driving.  Nuff said.
6.  In the "sky is blue, the grass is green" category ( I still have three in the holster), Michael Beasley got busted for marijuana possession.  Really?  I never saw this one coming.  By the way, Michael, this is not what the plan was when they said you had off-court "baggage."  Do you smoke to get delirious and realize you used to play in South Beach and you probably still could if you hadn't sucked?  I can't WAIT to hear the response in practice the next time you tell Kevin Love he can't jump high.  That would be like a NBA, trash-talking Mad Lib.
7.   I watch Chappelle Show when I can.  He had the one where you can visit a place called the internet.  It is hilarious.  Anyway, he mentions the Paris Hilton video on there.  Luckily, I have a guy who sends me all of that shit, and I am still not sure if it was her, but I believed it and I am glad I saw it.  It is like that time that before I researched the movie, I did 7 shots of Jager before going in to watch Blair Witch Project and actually kind of bought into it.  Embarrassing.  Actually, it is more embarrassing than admitting I ran in from the kitchen to watch Brandi's penalty kick.
8.  At least one of these NBA players has a plan.  Deron Williams has a verbal on a contract to play in Turkey if the lockout continues and will be released if it ends, all while being paid $5 million a year.  Two things jump out at me.  One, if he is still playing over there at Thanksgiving, he can be part of my Chandler segment.  Two, that is a clue what it is like being in New Jersey.  On a sidenote, Iverson can go rejoin his old team and play with him.
9.  I was watching that home run derby replay and the announcer commented on the lack of talent in the contest.  Then, he says "I don't know if we realize it, but all we have is a bunch of white guys."  Then, he goes on to back up his ludicrous statement with stats about how non-caucasians usually win it.  Not to bust on my boy, but I didn't know Zeke was now an announcer for MLB.  You are welcome for that take, Larry.
10.  Jose Canseco has come out and said that Adam Dunn should swing harder.  Thanks for the input, Jose.  Screw this.  Jose, you are now on my team.  Jose, meet Pete, Dwight, and Diego.  Capriati, either get busted for drugs soon, or see your ass out of here.
11.  I am not saying you need to hire a big name, but if I have to click on the article to find out your first name, then I am assuming it was not the strongest hire.  Memo.  Pacers.
12.  Did you see it?  Did you REALLY think it was over?  You should be Back to the Future'd Van Halen in your sleep if you didn't think it was still alive.  FAVRE RUMORS.  AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
13.  I read something about T.O. and a new sitcom.  I ALMOST clicked on it.  I didn't.  Moving on.
14.  There might not be a rant for the next week.  Just kidding.  It just builds up.  However, I am already tired of the countdown to 3000 for Jeter.  To quote the double dip episode by Seinfeld, "just END it."
15.  You know those tiny hourglass timers in games like Taboo?  Well, I need to get me one.  That is how long it will take someone to hire Bruce Pearl as soon as he allowed per the NCAA.  He turned a football school into a basketball caring school.  Billy Donovan did the same thing ( I still think Billy messed up for not taking that Kentucky job).  Anyway, anyone who paints himself orange to the women's big game gets my vote.  To quote Seinfeld again, "hire this man."  Just do "the opposite," Bruce, when an ambiguous situation arises.
16.  I admit when I didn't know something.  I was reading an article that ranked the best baseball teams of all time.  I guess I always wondered about Babe Ruth's lack of MVP's, and didn't realize that you could not win multiple MVP's until the 30's.  I thought he just went to play another sport for two years and let someone else win the MVP and win the championship.  Sorry, Hakeem, I am talking to you.
17.  A fan is suing the PGA for getting kicked out of a tournament by security for wearing a Tony The Tiger outfit because it was so bright, even though he was there to root for Tiger.  Damn.  I need to think of one of these ideas.  I put that right up there with velcro and that little umbrella in a cocktail.
18.  Speaking of Tom Cruise (yes, the past take was a joke about Tom Cruise, not the guy who got kicked out), I went to one of the top five concert venues in the nation to watch one of the keeper movies of all time.  I didn't think Red Rocks would sell out, and even was the DD.  We got up there and it was sold OUT.  Evidently, I was just one of 9 or 10 thousand people who thought seeing Top Gun in the rain that night was a great idea.  I was already invested, so I just treated like an actual concert.  Yes, people, we succeeded in SCALPING three Top Gun Film on the Rocks tickets.  THREE.  It was awesome.
19.  One more Top Gun thing.  Think about this.  If I asked what your favorite movie was, you have an answer or two.  However, if I asked what movie you could watch over and over, what would you say?  If you somehow were stranded on a deserted island for years, and only somehow had a working DVD player, what movie would you take?  I had a close contest.  Give me Top Gun first, Princess Bride in a close second, Hoosiers third, and then Rounders a close fourth.  Remember, you watch it EVERY DAY, in between hunting, fishing, and naming your volleyball.
20.  Another debate.  I was reading an article about which is harder: 300 wins, 500 home runs, or 3000 hits.  In my opinion, this question is a joke even though I respect the opinions stated.  300 wins.  I could make this a LONG take, citing the advantages of each opinion, but I won't.  Number of starts, set up pitchers, video archives for hitters, technology in general, cautiousness of arm longevity, steroid era, yada yada yada.  CC Sabbathia is the only one in ballpark.  Either the pitcher is too old to continue the trend, or a pitcher gets started too late in this day and age.  Hey, Dontrelle, I hope you are happy at a strip club somewhere.
21.  Roy Williams in the news for an expensive engagement ring.  Dude, concentrate on getting Tony Romo better.  Otherwise, you got a fancy stadium, a QB pretty boy, and the only ring you will ever see.
22.  Speaking of rings or lack of, Kerry Collins retires.  Here is a scary stat.  He retires TENTH of all time in yardage.  Quietly.  You know who is about 100 ahead of him??  Joe Montana.  Just that guy I would take under center if I had to coach a football game for all the marbles with anyone I want on my team.
23.  Shout out to a friend and a fellow starting blogger.  Knowledgeable, honest, and well-conceived takes on movies out there.  http://rockiesmovies.blogspot.com/  Check it out.
24.  Rest in peace, Gilliam, Williams, and Mackey.
25.  Tiger is not in the British Open.  Thanks for totally jacking up my weekend a week and a half from now.  Not only do I have to wake up at like 6am, but I already know you won't be in the hunt.  I think you should personally drink with your super fan, Tony the Tiger.
26.  I will stop now.  Cutting off the stream of consciousness.  Hey, Taint, you better find another Nebraska bar in Denver to occupy on Saturdays.  You hooker...