072311

Read it, don't read it, I don't care...I just need to get some things off my chest.

In no particular order of chronology or importance...

1.  First things first...to put some pressure on my fellow blogger, who is just getting started also, to write more reviews, check out his movie review site...very insightful stuff...http://rockiesmovies.blogspot.com/  I would also like to hyperlink where I am writing this...http://www.pubonpenn.com/home/



2,  In reference to my last rant, and things happening in threes, you can call off the dogs on Big Ben.  He got married today.  I am so sorry to all of those college co-eds who lawyers evidently can prove didn't say no, and in the words of Meg Ryan, "that boy is off the market..."

3.  I don't know about you, but I feel like Derek Lowe has been pitching since Winger was popular.  What, Derek?  You don't even know who Winger is?  Either ask Jamie Moyer or check this shit out.  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GlN3oEjMpUQ

4.  Steve Williams comments after his dismissal were powerful and persuasive.  If I had a shadow of a doubt that there was something else going on to provoke Tiger's misconstrued and badly timed firing, I am a believer now that there wasn't.  Bad move, Tiger.  I would take Steve on my bag any day of the week, for distances and being there when the world was/ is hating you.

5.  Steve Nash...sure.  Deron Williams...sure.  But does anyone else really think that Kobe is really going to go play basketball in Turkey?  I think not.  I would list the reasons, but I have been told to control my stream of consciousness that occurs during these rants.  Stop clogging up the wire with this ridiculous story.

6.  Looks good on the NFL front.  My personal funniest breaking story that I have heard in a while is that "the players have tentatively agreed to vote on the new CBA on Monday."  Thanks for breaking the huge news that they are wishy washy on actually voting on Monday.  Save your freaking air time, and just tell me on Monday what happens.  Or at least don't classify it as "breaking."

7.  My new favorite commercial of all time for the next 2 weeks (I say that for songs too) is the fantasy football commercial where the guy picks Houshmandzadeh in the lyrics of Heart "Barracuda."  I rolled off my couch sober today after it was on again.  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BOJjoEX5cKk

8.  Beaten down fan, and sad story of the year, Stow opened his eyes yesterday AND 3 more arrests were made.  My thoughts are with you, bro.  Keep fighting.

9.  Is anyone else excited about 2013, when Bonds and Clemens both have eligibility for the Hall of Fame?  I think MLB should deflect their possible vetoes by letting in my boy Rose in that same year.  He was betting on himself to WIN!  Two guys have over 4000 hits and you are dissing one of them?  Listen, Ty Cobb wasn't exactly...I was going to say Mother Theresa, but I think this one is better...Tim Tebow.  Yeah!

10.  I have a few comments about the WNBA All Star game...just kidding....WAIT!  HOLD ON! I do have a WNBA take only because it involves UVA and me.  Dawn Staley is now in the WNBA Hall of Fame.  Dibs to her.  You are a cool chick, have serious skills, were a pioneer in getting the WNBA more popular, and didn't even showboat when you occasionally went around me and scored at the Slaughter Gym at UVA.  Thanks, Dawn.

11.  I will never say it is the best plot, because that is absolutely impossible to decipher, but the plot of the Seinfeld Frogger episode always makes me chuckle.  George has to figure out a way to move an ancient arcade machine to his place without losing power to it because it still has HIS high score in it from like 10-20 years ago.  Hold on.  I have to pause.  I just laughed again writing that line.  Brilliant.  As I always have said, the early Seinfelds have better dialogue, but the plots are kind of funnier in the later ones.  Before you ask, I still am on the side of the early ones, with the peak at the midpoint in 1994 and 1995.

12.  I am not going to give you a link OR tell you about it.  I will just tease you, so you personally have to experience the pain of going on FoxSports.com (PEOPLE!  I only go on there to get these ridiculous stories).  Check out how Brent Musburger went missing in Vegas and was found with Twitter and those masterminds at FoxSports.

13.  Check this own goal out by an Arsenal defender.  http://www.sbnation.com/soccer/2011/7/23/2289912/carl-jenkinson-arsenal-own-goal-video

14.  One more.  Check out Jordan Farmar's trick shot at a camp.  http://espn.go.com/video/clip?id=6794919

15.  I think I am missing a joke.  And I am going to admit it.  Is Old Spice serious about it bringing Fabio on board as a spokesman, or is it funny because they are making fun of the idea of doing it?  So confused.

16.   The Buckeyes evidently won't get the death penalty.  Evidently, it was because they kept their cards close to the vest.  Hardy har har.

17.  This trading deadline is making me feel like I am at a beauty pageant in Idaho (sorry, Idaho people  I had to pick a state and I thought the possible pun I could do (but didn't) might be funny.  It is a population thing.  Nothing against you).  It exists and I am excited for it, but the quality of the trade names doesn't really jump off the page.  Beltran and Bell as the top possibilities?  Why isn't anyone mentioning that Beltran didn't exactly start belting it too much once the ink was dry on his last overpaying contract?

18.  With people like Pacman Jones, Ron Artest, and Manny Ramirez in existence, does anyone else think that we have yet to feel the wrath of Twitter?

19.  If I hypothetically wanted a midnight blue colored toothbrush, where would I go?  I was at the grocery store this morning and realized that for my entire life, toothbrushes are made in the colors of glow sticks at Phish concerts.  Why?  Are small kids who like bright colors the only people the toothbrush companies are selling to?  I have no rationale to explain this.  I know.  Bright colors show cleanliness, but c'mon.  Put this in my same question submission as the Fabio thing.

20.  Oh.  Here we go.  Sure, some people think it.  Some people say it in bars.  Some people totally believe it.  However, Golden Tate, don't TWEET it.  Or at least wait until you have a couple good seasons under your belt and aren't an unproven rookie to go public with it.  Idiot.  I am talking about the people saying NASCAR racers aren't athletes.  I would never do that.

21.  Not being a homer, just saying.  Chase Utley healthy makes that Phillies team much more dangerous than they already were.  That's it.

22.  Sellers in baseball really intrigue me.  You have sellers who are 5 games out.  Talk about glass half empty...

23.  Random personal story.  I was playing pool last night playing partner pool.  I broke.  Good break, but nothing went down.  The random other guy shoots and makes a couple.  My partner shoots and makes nothing (long night for him).  The other random guy shoot and gets it down to one ball.  Random guy #1 says to Random Guy #2 "don't worry, one more and we are home.  Good to go."  I look the guy square in the face and say "understand this.  You are never home when you are playing against me.  Cool?"  I then ran the table, ending the game with one bank, and a crazy cross bank on the eight.  I am retired on pool for the weekend I think.  Those guys wouldn't play us again by the way.

24.  Tennessee is on probation.  Without using any obvious Animal House references, what the HELL is probation?  Operate as normal, and know that we are watching you.  Dumb.  If I am on probation or not on probation, isn't my intention to act the same?  Does it affect me...being on probation?

25.  Steve Carell was on Jon Stewart the other night.  Hilarious.  Jon had to follow up Harry Potter with SOMETHING, right?  Anyway, it amazes me the number of popular celebrities that started on The Daily Show.  It is like a breeding ground.

26.  Lawrence Frank got the Pistons job?  Damn.  That totally ruins my dream of Zeke coaching them and then bringing back Iverson.  It would have been awesome.  Guess I don't need to get the NBA package now though.  Detroit bars have already posted his picture in bars to make it clear that he is not really 12 years old.

27.  OK.  The Tour de France.  No, I am not going to talk about Evans.  I don't know anything about him.  BUT.  I do have some thoughts.  First of all, Evans winning guarantees that he will stay popular as I am sure there will be a doping allegation within the calendar year.  Next, Mr. Tour de France commisioner, why do you end the race on a flat, celebratory ride?  Have you ever watched a car race?  a horse race?  Dude, it is what makes it must-see.  Your little honorary flat final ride is stupid.  Period.  To add to my anger on this, guess what the next to last stage is?  A time trial.  For people who don't know what that is, it is each rider riding by themself, starting at intervals in reverse order of standings.  It is exciting.  I am not being sarcastic.  Don't put it as the next to last stage before the stupid flat ride though.  You are basically saying to me that you have a race, that involves no head to head, eye to eye, talking shit (I don't know if they do, but if not, someone show them old Gary Payton footage) racing in any of the last two stages.  Ass backwards if you ask for me.

28.  Wow.  Talk about stream of consciousness.  I just realized I am on my 28th thought with like 10 things still on my list.  I will shut it down.  In the words of Matt Damon in Rounders, "I've made promises."

29.  Hmmmm... Taint joke....ummm....OK, it is not real strong, but it will work.  What do you call it when a guy falls in love with Taint?  Hooker, Line, and Sinker...Now I'm done.