083111-Adjacent to refuse is refuse

Read it, don't read it, I don't care...just need to get some things off my chest.


In no particular order of chronology or importance...


My job keeps me pretty busy...so busy that it was a choice of the gym and boxing or blogging tonight.  I hope I feel it and you agree I made the right decision.  Let's turn and burn.  Goose.  Hollywood's OK.  I WANT Viper.


1.  I wish I had more free time.  I truly want to allocate 20 minutes of my life and write a letter...yes, a letter...to Cedric Benson while he is serving his time.  I might not actually act out on the take each time, but maybe we will start a new segment (more on these new segment themes later) called "people I want to write a letter to this week."


2.  Have you ever watched scores on ESPN's crawl, fallen off the couch, and then realized you were watching women's scores?  You know.  Like when you see Louisiana Tech 64, Kansas 62, or Baylor 80, Michigan State 45?  Well, does European soccer have famous womens' teams?  I just saw a score the other day that said Manchester United 8, Arsenal 2.  I am pretty sure it was the mens' teams who played.


3.  I don't know what your recruiting class is like or your home situation, Steve Fisher, but I would just ride into the sunset instead of signing that extension with SDSU.  Think about it.  You came in at the last second in 1989 and took Mr. Rice and his boys to a championship, and then you make basketball important at a very non-basketball school.  You got a championship, you rebuilt a program from nothing (dude, Calhoun was MUCH younger when he did the same thing), and you are pretty old.  Call it a day...and mucho dibs.


4.  Crazy shit.  Michigan will have its first ever night game this year, and Notre Dame will have its first one in 21 years.  Prime time, people.  Sure, I know at UVA that half of us wouldn't have even made a night game on a weekend, but about time...I will watch the games of course I am not exactly thinking I am a tough sell.


5.  Do you miss MacGyver?  I do.  I just got introduced to a site that will bring his spirit back.  Check out this: http://lifehacker.com/  I will be back in a second.  I have to go find an ink pen, a bamboo shoot, and a spark plug.

6.  I am back.  Here is another new segment (I just can't stop, but I have a surprise for you at the end of this rant).  "Best casting ever for an individual in a movie."  I dabbled in re-watching Point Break the other day.  Keanu, you are not "The One," but you were for the casting of that movie.  Reminds me of a chicken or egg argument.  Did they have the idea first and then call Keanu, or did they manufacture a movie just for him?


7.  Chris Johnson.  Take it easy man.  Wrong or right, you need to cool it on Twitter.  People are on both sides of your situation, but take heed about others before you who have done it, and don't crack on the common person.  http://espn.go.com/nfl/story/_/id/6913667/chris-johnson-tennessee-titans-rips-fake-fans-twitter

8.  The Giants are taking a play from the Marlins playbook...well, months and months later of course.  They are disguising "unloading" with "need a change."  Six games is a LOT with the time left, but you get rid of Tejada and Rowand?  Wow.  Tejada SF glory lasted as long as I might with Halle Berry or that new chick to the scene, Saldana.


9.  In "the joke is just staring me in the face-I just can't put it together" segment, Jeremy Shockey saved a teammate from joking.  Damn.  He's got a ring, too.  This is like a top flight game of Mad Libs. Moving on...


10.  I think I have already made a comment in a past rant about Old Navy, how much I love their clothes, but how stupid are their commercials?  Since I made that comment, they now have released sports gear with a Sister Christian theme.  I thought I had been slipped acid in my iced tea the first time I saw the commercial.


11.  I have said my whole life that John McEnroe said the line "if you are going to miss, miss big.  Don't hit it by the line.  Hit it in the stands."  I just looked it up finally.  I don't think he said that.  But he SHOULD have, dammit.  I don't care.  I am going to keep paying it forward. 


12.  Texas A&M.  People.  You deny that you submitted a withdrawal letter, and then 30 hours later you say you are leaving the Big 12.  I want to go down to Hattiesburg and ask them about it, but then realize I wouldn't accomplish much with that task.  Think about it, people.  It works as a joke.  In a related story, the Bears cut Chester Taylor, and then brought him back.


13.  In my "I rolled off the couch suddenly laughing when I heard it" segment, I was watching Family Guy the other night.  I chuckle a lot at the show of course.  But, since I own the damn thing, and just watched it a couple months ago, I laughed when Peter said "I haven't been this lost since the end of No Way Out."  I just laughed again writing that.  People, if you haven't seen it, take the time some slow relaxing day.  It is actually a decent movie.  But you WILL understand why Peter's line was so funny.  Think Usual Suspects, Sixth Sense, pre "we think Costner is horrible in anything except baseball movies" time... By the way, speaking of Mr. Costner, crack on him all you want, but he DID play minor league baseball, was in one of the top 5 sports movies of all time (you can pick Bull Durham OR Field of Dreams-either one works), and created the finest chick flick of all time in my opinion, For The Love Of The Game.  Think about it.  You need to watch a romantic flick with your lady.  You would like to enjoy it.  Well, take the moving love story that is told in hindsight with flashbacks while a dude is trying to throw a perfect game.  Do it, guys.


14.  Curtis Granderson is quietly having an INCREDIBLE season.  Interesting race between him and Gonzalez for AL MVP.  More interesting because the two front runners are from the Yankees and Red Sox.  Good stuff.


15.  I read my last rant and am changing my prediction for the men's champion.  Well, my tie for the pick.  I said Murray and Nadal.  I still like Murray (and DAMMIT he is due for all of the times I have picked him in a Grand Slam), but just think that past injuries for Nadal and a storybook comeback Federer are going to rule this one.  Federer is healthy AND under the radar.  I say he might take this and say "did you forget about me, punks?"


16.  Cali wins the LLWS!  Cali wins the LLWS!  I don't know anything else about it.  I stopped paying attention to it once the Keystone team got bounced, but am glad the US won.  Yay.


17.  Tiger is going to play the Frys.com Open in October.  I am your biggest supporter outside of your family and your caddie (that's funny-maybe I AM still the biggest supporter), and I.  Just.  Don't.  Care.


18.   Venus Williams withdraws from the US Open.  I don't want much in life.  Can you Predator sisters just rest and give me ONE MORE sister vs. sister final?  I know.  I started the conspiracy theory that your first 3 were staged by your father, and that you could fake it to make it real since you were practice partners.  But.  Give me one more.  Please.  It would be monumental.


19.  Odd.  It just occurred to me that Rex Grossman made news for predicting his team would win the NFC East when it is not even set in stone yet that he is the starting QB over John Beck.  Does anyone else find that odd?  That is like Tim Tebow guaranteeing the division for the Broncos.  Yay.  A Tebow reference.  It just makes me happy.


20.  Personal note.  Be aware.  I might up these blogs back up to 3 a week.  Not only am I still getting feedback that these are a little long, but I have some more free time now that I just set the record for shortest time people call each other "girlfriend/ boyfriend."  This is a public forum, so let's just put it in a Seinfeld reference.  Combine "The Keys" episode, with the one where George gets busted for the eclair in the trash can, the window washing, and the painting( I could look up the name, but that was more fun describing it), with the episode where the chick thinks George is crazy and George ends up wearing the Henry VIII jacket as a favor to Kramer at his movie theater (same thing), and you have the general idea of how that fling went.  It was LLOYD BRAUN!


21.  I found a redeeming factor for NFL preseason.  I hope you know I don't watch it by now.  Long field goals.  You have nothing to lose, games means nothing, so it is the only time in the last 10-15 years or so we get to see 60 yard field goal attempts.


22.  Usain Bolt got disqualified for false starting in the finals of the 100m.  DID YOU PEOPLE SEE HOW BAD HE WON THE PRELIMINARIES????  I know a rule is a rule, but change it.  Make it two false starts.  He was just trying to give a run at the record instead of crawling to the finish and still finishing first in the last round and still running a 10.2 something.  Geez.


23.  JoePa.  You are one of my favorite people EVER.  No.  This is not part of that segment from last time.  This is serious.  He is going to coach from the sidelines in the opener even with his injuries from the practice.  Dude.  You are such a badass.


24.  When we talk about the next great young golfer, and everyone is so swept up with Rory, does anyone else have a feeling in their gut that Dustin Johnson is not going ANYWHERE?  Stay tuned.  Dude has power, has learned from mistakes, has athleticism, has short game, has putting skills...just saying.


25.  Bruce Pearl is now a marketing VP and has left basketball.  If there was ever a person who got bounced from his sports job that I want back, I want him back the MOST.  Dude showed up at a womens' game painted in orange.  I would give him another chance like we did with Gene Hackman.  Hey, Jimmy Chitwood, are you still out there anywhere to give that badass speech? I play, coach stays. He goes, I go.



26.  Relax, people.  I am not a fan, and am not saying he is more important than Brady, but I will say this.  If New England has a chance this year, they NEED Wes Welker.  He says he is ok.  Good for you guys.  When Brady is back there checking down AND Welker is healthy, know that a couple nickelbacks and linebackers are paying a LOT more attention to the middle of the field with that guy in the lineup.


27.  Manning.  Collins.  Painter.  Please.  Does anyone really think Peyton is going to miss a game?  That is like saying that Big Ben still won't go to a college bar, do something ambiguous, and have no excuse for being there even though he is married.


28.  Petra Kvitova.  Man.  I finally start learning other crazy names in the top ten that might win the Open and you lose in the first round?


29.  I am a dumb person operating a smart phone, but suddenly my contact list has EVERY person from Facebook.  Very confusing and very irritating.  I guess the good thing is that it doesn't automatically download your number too.  Probably good, since I don't even know some of the people from Facebook.  


28.  The LSU Shady's victim ended up with broken bones.  Ummm.  I guess Jordan Jefferson is strong??  I don't know where else to go with this one.  Make your own freaking joke.


29.  Wilson Chandler just signed with a Chinese professional team.  Hey, Wilson, don't call John Thompson, Jr. for advice in how to handle yourself over there.  That was really funny.  Hardy har har...Truly, funny.  No links provided.


30.  Another widespread virus movie.  Contagion.  Someone let me know if this 100th installment of this theme is worth it in the theater.  One of my man crushes is in it, Matt Damon.  If you give me good advice, maybe we can go see the next alien invasion movie together.  I'll buy.  Combined movie take (my secret to keeping it under 40 takes)...  Is there really a movie coming out called Good Ole Fashioned Orgy?  


31.  Michael Vick is either back or we are seriously at a shortage for pro superstars.  6 years, $100 mil, $40 mil guaranteed.  Who let the dogs out?  Big gamble.  His speed is key for his game, and he will be 37 at the end of that contract.  Allen Iverson needed his speed to do what he did.  You saw what happened when he lost a step.


32.  Javaris Crittenton...ummm...where the hell do I start?  Chandler/ White Men Can't Jump segment runaway...


33.  Thanks for letting me know that Bauserman is going to be the starting QB for Ohio State this year.  The guy should have won it just for not playing golf with an agent at a public golf course.  I was much more interested in hearing that Gilbert will be the starting QB at UT.  Hopefully, they have someone to still play in a few years in the Big 12.  I know I have a weird sense of humor, but I love all of these conference changes.  I hope super conferences (16 teams) aren't eventually formed,  but it just makes me smile how names of conferences don't fit their number of teams in them.


34.  I am sad to report that Ocho, Artest, and Owens didn't really do anything fun this week.  I am sure they did SOMETHING, but the media obviously didn't pick it up.  Hey, maybe they are just getting smarter.  Nah...I am glad I have The Colbert Report on.  I can still smile tonight.


35.  FOOTBALL, people!!! Myra had the baby.  Things I missed or neglected or lost interest in.  The Cowboys cut their Pro Bowl center, Serena hasn't really apologized about her tirade two years ago, Arian Foster tweeting an MRI of his hamstring (can you do that?  is that 140 characters or less?  is there a tweeting loophole?), a bunch of things about the Hurricanes, Gators, FSU, and the Dolphins, and my entertainment in the term "successor/ coach in waiting..."  My predictions for the weekend in the next take...


36.  Upset possibilities (one of them is not really an upset, but I just think that people are writing them off): Houston over UCLA, Baylor over TCU, and Miami over Maryland


Games to watch/ bet on the underdog with the spread (I can still be a consulant in my betting retirement):
South Florida over ND
Minnesota over USC


Big Game Picks:
Boise over Georgia
LSU over Oregon


37.  SEGMENTS.  I TOLD you I would finally write these down.  Here is my list of recent new segments that I will incorporate into some of my rants (sad thing is that I only went through 5 rants-sure there are more)
Here is the list:
-chandler/ white men can't jump-too easy, too many jokes 
-sky is blue, grass is green fly on the wall 
-3 things I learned from espn before a news station 
-why tweets will get 500 athletes arrested per year someday 
-did you learn how to retire from brett favre 
-family guy reference
-seinfeld reference 
-the damn joke is staring me in the face-I just can't put it together 
-my new favorite person in the world 
-I didn't even open the story 
-inbounds pass off the person's back in basketball 
-how cool is dr. dre 
-brady quinn/ lethal weapon closing 
-taint reference (debating on phasing out) 
-"live" update 
-artest, ochocinco, terrell owens 
-tim tebow bash even though he is a great guy 
-my second favorite team is 
-props to fellow blogger 
-props to favorite bar 
-I am not scared to talk about man crushes 
-workout song recommendations 
-odd debate (like best third movie) 
-has this guy been playing at the same school for 15 years? 
-that trade just sounds…fun 
-people I want to write a letter to this week 
-I rolled off my couch spontaneously when I heard it  
-best casting ever for an individual in a movie
38.  I don't care what you say.  I still think the Angels are going to catch the Rangers.  I called it, and I know they are 6 behind, but I also almost stopped watching the Bills-Oilers in '92 and the Reggie Miller playoff game.  Take THAT and rewind it back.


39.  I had one of my tough friends tell me he hates my tennis takes.  Well, go to take 40 then.  If you haven't played tennis, I understand how it is boring.  If you have played it seriously, it is athletic chess, and a joy to watch.


40.  No.  I am phasing out my traditional close.  It just bores me recently.  As one shepherd said to the other shepherd, I am going to get the flock out of here.  Peace.  Talk to you this weekend.