081411-Gone in 60 Seconds...

Read it, don't read it, I don't care...just need to get some things off my chest.

In no particular order of chronology or importance...

(less links in this one-written mostly on a plane)

1.  Shout out for my fellow beginning blogger before I lay it down like Ratt in 1986...need a movie review?  http://rockiesmovies.blogspot.com/2011/08/top-5-movies-in-first-half-of-2011.html

2.  Keegan Bradley “wins” the PGA Championship.  First thing, last 13 majors? 13 different winners.  Crazy shit.  Tiger might be out of the mix, but no one has exactly come anywhere close to separated themselves from the others.  Someone step up to the mic.  Jay-Z just got off there with a full house, and now people want someone to throw down.  Not taking anything away from Bradley, but Jason… Dude, you were not exactly being chased down by Phil Mickelson, Lee Westwood, or Padraig Harrington.  It was Keegan.  Jason, you were nails all day, and then get sucker punched by Buster Douglas.  Luckily, the biggest breakdown will always be that magnificent British Open I am so glad I watched live back in the day, but you will be remembered nevertheless.

3.  LSU-Oregon.  Lots on my radar with football starting, but this has my attention for the moment.  Interesting game.  Oregon fell short and has everyone coming back.  Offensive weapons galore and one year wiser.  LSU has a new QB, has underachieved for the last 5 years, but has everyone else back, along with another sick recruiting class.  If I hypothetically bet still, I would bet the house on LSU.  Oregon, you might have another chance, but you are playing an SEC team in a state pretty close to SEC country, and I think you had your shot last year.  I also don’t think you will hit stride until about 3 games in, and starting the season against the speed of the SEC just sounds like a recipe for confusion if you ask me.  For all of their bad ass recruiting classes, I feel like it is somewhat a pattern that LSU has a question mark at QB.  Probably could go into some hybrid of a JaMarcus Russell joke, but I will come back if I have time-lot to get to...  By the way, speaking of crazy names, if Oregon ever recruits a guy named Mike Jones or John Smith, will you let me know?  They always get guys names named Jazquizz, Lavasier, La Micheal, Bo, or Carson.

4.  Serena…damn, girl.  Take it easy on these people.  Your comeback is the polar opposite of Tiger’s.  Course you stayed out of Perkins late night and I guess can’t really fire your sister, but still.  You are WRECKING people.  Serena of course won’t get close to Steffi as far as titles, but she is certainly looking to give one more run at supremacy against her present day field.  Hey, Steffi, if you are reading this, I am your biggest fan and no one will touch your record for a LONG time.  You will be able to make fun of your hubby for a lot of years.  Actually, you will be able to make fun of him whether someone gets your record or not I suppose as titles for you and him won’t really change, aye?

5.  Verlander just won his 18th.  Sure, if I had to pick a starting pitcher to start a GAME right now, I would take Halladay, but if I had to pick a starting pitcher to start a TEAM right now for the next 7 or 8 years, damn straight I am picking Verlander up.

6.  I have watched Kendrick Perkins play for years.  Every time I watch him, I think to myself, there is NO WAY he isn't a problem at a club when he is drunk.  He seems SO angry, has foul problems, and is not exactly a tiny dude.  Well, he went out the other night, folks… YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  http://blog.newsok.com/jennicarlson/2011/08/14/kendrick-perkins-altar-boy-no-more/

7.  Combo sky is blue take…I got a lot to cover as I was traveling for work this week.  Here you go.  The sky is blue, the grass is green, and Barry Zito got hurt this week in a AAA (hmmm…AAA is sounded as a consonant start, even though my grammar check tells me to put an “an.”  Crazy guy.  I am living on the edge and keeping the “a.”) start, Freddy Adu switched teams, and Justin Morneau got back from the disabled list.

8. I was not surprised to hear about Mike Gundy firing a person for showing up in an OU shirt.  You know it is a hurting economy and that worker definitely had to try and keep that job.  Otherwise, you know he was brewing this back in retaliation.   http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RjF93E4LjlA

9.  I watched Dennis Rodman's induction and I thought of a couple things.   First, Chris Mullin is one of the “best boring players” in the history of the NBA that I would beg to be on my fantasy team.  I would take Mullin as my shooter on any team.  Anyway, the most boring pure shooter in the history of the NBA goes in with the guy with earrings, other piercings, a crazy outfit, as he cries.  Sounds perfect to me.  Some may have a problem with Rodman getting in.  I don’t.  Without getting into how Russell and Wilt were averaging over 20 rebounds a game lots of times during their career, I will just say this.  I made his mark, changed the game, overachieved his height and skills, and won 5 rings with two different teams.  He made the rebound cool, he made it popular, and he changed how games were decided with the help of it.  Listen, on both the Pistons and the Bulls, his game was brought into the perfect storm.  Granted.  However, and Randy Moss and Terrell Owens take note, he was thrown in, had no significant locker room problems, did his thing, and came out with rings.  He was the crazy guy to the media who merged in the locker room the way he needed to for championships.  Solid.

10.  Let's talk about arguably the most prolific offense of all time in basketball.  They won 91-93 and 96-98...ohh and then two three peats with Phil.  Hank Winters and the Triangle.  It is fading out with some of the new school coaches.  Amazing that an offense that is designed perfectly and then wins 12 championships could be phased out so quickly after the championships…Sure, you need the players and coaches for it, but there is no way I am totally tossing that offense to the side of the road.

11  How can I build on this?  I can't:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RjF93E4LjlA

12.  Wisconsin has been good for years.  Stop.  Real Quick.  Name one QB from Wisconsin in the last 15 years?  You can't do it?  Russell Wilson, people, is their new one.  Slinger.  Ex-NC State QB who was also drafted by the Rockies as a pitcher.  Watching Wisconsin play is sometimes like watching those pennies being pushed over in that stupid, stupid game at Dave and Busters, but I have a feeling the offense coordinator is feeling a little giddy these days with that gun behind the line. We can try WHAT on offense?  Let’s sub that for “run slightly to the right #36 behind our HUGE offensive line.”

13.  Tiger Woods…ahhh…never mind.  Being a bad human being and a great golfer is passable, but sucking at both suddenly makes you…moving on.

14.  GREAT pickup, Ravens. You are my team’s arch enemy.  BUT, Lee Evans?  Where the heck did THAT come from?  Ditching a possession receiver and tight end for a speedster on the side?  Listen, if that is what you are trying to do, then it is all good.  Just saying.  Maybe a quick offseason with the career overachieving Joe Flacco will have a positive effect on the career underachieving wide receiver.  May the force be with you. 

15.  Ken Griffey and Jim Thome.  You are class acts and baseball giants who got less notoriety for your mammoth accomplishments because of a list of roided knuckleheads.  Thome just recently became the eighth person to hit more than 600 homers.  Thanks for joining them, Jim.  The club now totals 5 clean totals, and 3 totals with an asterisk.  Side note, I wonder which is less.  The notoriety I gave this past week’s NASCAR race (damn, I just did by mentioning it) or the notoriety the masses gave Jim Thome for that accomplishment.  Congrats, man.  Class act.

16.  I wouldn’t have messed with it either, SEC.  You have easily the best conference in the country in college football, and you think about adding a few teams with FSU, Clemson, and A&M.  Sure, those teams are on the up and up.  You were kind of thinking about making a superconference, aye?  I am glad you didn’t.  In this case, if it ain’t broke, don’t try and fix it.  Maybe years down the road you might need to tinker, but not now.  Plus, Clemson’s recruiting is kind of getting too much run from the revitalized South Carolina team, let’s make sure FSU hasn’t been cheating on this scary recruiting run, and A&M is just showing life for the first time in a long time.  Wait this one out.

17.  Dan Uggla finished his streak at 33 games.  So close, dude.  You only had 23 games left, or basically 2/3 of the amount left that got you headlines in the first place.  What a ridiculous record that is by Joe.  He has that for the rest of his life, and just in case that is not enough, we know he was at one time doin’ arguably the hottest chick of his generation.  Dude.  Good life.

18.  College Top 25.  Full breakdown coming.  For now, just a few comments.  Over-ranked…Stanford (too much on Luck and no Harbaugh to drive those smart kids into wanting to hit someone), and Oklahoma State-why do we ALWAYS over-rank them…Under-ranked…Wisconsin-Wilson will CHANGE that team.  South Carolina-one of the greatest offensive minds of our generation, with a receiver that is sick, a running back that everyone is angry at not getting, and a QB who is always in trouble, but can still sling it.

19.  I knew he was a bright lad, but just caught wind that Larry Fitzgerald snuck in his contract that Arizona can’t lay the Franchise Tag on him.  No WONDER he smiles like he does.  He can see the light at the end of the tunnel to get out of there.  He can give Mr. Kolb a year to see if he is the real deal, and then exit stage left if not.

20.  After watching him before his injury last year, I am kind of confused how Denard Robinson isn’t getting more Heisman pub.  Before handing the thing to Andrew Luck or any of those guys from Oregon, go back and watch some of his highlights again.  Some sick stuff.  He was pretty much doing what Cam Newton was doing, just on a shittier team and then got injured.

21.  Christy Martin is still around??  Holy smokes.  I just read a blurb about her having a fight stopped because she was still boxing with a broken hand and winning the fight.  Shit yeah, Christy.  That is totally badass.  I only opened the article because I was making sure it was you.  All the power to you, and continue to rock on…Public space, and the incognito winner of the Chandler Award this week.  Basically, it is too easy, too many jokes, but I can’t write them here.

22.  You know I don’t care about preseason results.  Just saying, I am still saying Mark Ingram over there in N.O. is going to be pretty freaking good.  I am not exactly splitting the atom as he did win the Heisman, but then it seems people kind of forgot about him.  Don’t.

23.  The Detroit Lions.  I don’t know WHY I watch what they are doing with their team, but I do.  Just saying.  Give them a few years.  They are on the right path.  Good drafting, good trades, good pickups, good contracts, and I like most of the personnel they have meshed together pretty recently.  And no.  That is NOT my second favorite team nor do I have one.  Screw that.  No second team.  That is random analysis on a team that caught my eye.

24.  I am so glad Eddie George is chiming in on the Chris Johnson situation.  I don’t know.  Class act maybe and I don’t dislike the guy, but I might listen a little more if his career average wasn’t 3.2 ( it is actually 3.64, but it FELT like 3.2) a rush and if he had been doing that for several years of getting overpaid.  You know the thing I remember most about Eddie George.  He was on that ridiculous Ohio State with THREE Heisman candidates-1995.  Three, well, at least for the first 2/3 of the season.  And yes, I believe they did lose to Michigan and I know they didn’t win the championship.  The other two players?  Bobby Hoying and Terry Glenn.

25.  I had said Miami and FSU were almost back….then the story of Miami gift claims.  Hold the phone.  Maybe there is a definitive reason one of them made it back.

26.  Lytie in UFC ends career with a win.  How the hell do we know that?  Are you telling me fighters don’t come back?  Are you telling me they don’t have their own versions of Brett Favre?  Ok.  Maybe he IS that sports version of John Elway, but you better make it a bigger story than the first one if he decides to come back and loses.

27.  Osi will practice.  Osi complains.  Osi sits out.  Osi will practice.  AAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  Osi, you are giving me a Giant headache. 

28.  See what I mean about these damn waiver wire deals?  The trade deadline goes by and the Twins quietly gave the Tigers Delmon Young.  That is just sneaky.  That is like Lee Evans being picked up by the Ravens, except that it makes actual sense to me.  Solid.

29.  The police surround and get the ex Notre Dame Defensive Coordinator.  He was running the Tampa Cover 2, but…nevermind, I got nothing on this one.  Well, nothing that comes fully together…

30.  Obama greets the Packers, and the Packers LB evidently did not get to meet Obama.  I would love to tell you more than that but I am still bitter about the Super Bowl and didn’t open the article.

31.  Shaq would fight any of the following it appears according to a recent interview: Artest, Barkley, Oakley, Malone, and then the two odd ones…Danny Ainge and Xavier McDaniel.  The last time I heard Xavier get run was in Singles and being the visual that the guy thinks of when he doesn’t want to come during sex.  How the hell did that conversation even come up, Shaq?  Maybe I ought to check out the whole transcript sometime. 

32.  Ron Artest is still going to the UK.  I have nothing to add.  I just like Ron in my rant multiple times when I have a reason.  He is just…fun, and always has multiple things going on.  He is kind of like a more organized Ochocino.  I am not sure what that even means by the way.

33.  Examples of things not making the cut on this rant…Clausen starting?, McElroy playing hurt, Boise and TCU only being together for a year in their conference, and any analysis of an actual preseason football game.  Not football itself, just not any reports on actual “glorified practices.”


33a.  Not trying to be a homer, but the Phillies pitching staff as a TEAM has a 2.99 ERA.  There are only like 8 other individuals who are lower than that.  That is just wrong...

34.  Kind of drained from sitting in the airport for 8 hours…I gave it my best shot.  As one shepherd…HOLD ON!  I don’t have a Seinfeld reference, and I just heard one in REAL TIME.  The pilot has informed me that although we were slightly delayed, that he believes we can “make up the time.”  As Jerry once said, If we are ALLOWED to go that fast, then why don’t we just go that fast ALL the time?  Anyway, as one shepherd said to the other shepherd, I am going to get the flock out of here.  Thanks as always to our spiritual hooker, Taint, for getting this thing going unknowingly. Peace, people. Now I'm done.