082711-Hawkeye

Read it, don't read it, I don't care...I just need to get some things off my chest.

In no particular order of chronology or importance...

1.  Jim Thome ends up back with the Indians.  This is both smart AND nostalgic.  He is obviously pretty much done soon anyway, so odds are this is last stop.  Very cool it is back with the team that drafted him.  However, just from a Cleveland Indians baseball perspective, they might as well.  You never know.  Seven games is a LOT of games to make up at this juncture (a LOT), especially the with the way the Tigers are playing, but you might as well give it a shot, right.  Makes every one get that warm fuzzy feeling and throws another coin in the fountain.  You never know.  Thome could get hot, although not likely.

2.  Sidney Crosby is still having headaches.  Damn, people.  I don't care which team you are a fan of, it was years ago and still is that he was the next coming of true greatness in hockey.  He is a class act, stays out of trouble, is strong as a bull, has skills that are off the charts, and already got a Cup with an almost right by it.  Sidney, do what you have to do and please get better.  I don't want to have to be writing a blog about you with Grant Hill, Bernard King, and Bo Jackson references, just to name a few.

3.  Texas A & M is still exploring options to move conferences.  Let me ask you a question, people.  I can understand wanting to get out of a conference if it is hurting your BCS chances.  However, you are in a Big 6 conference where multiple teams have won championships...pretty recently.  Uhhh.  You haven't been one of those recent teams.  I personally don't think you should be bitching about anything until you get a few conference titles and BCS wins under your belt.  Stop crying.

4.  In my "three things I learned this week amazingly from ESPN before a news stations" segment (yes, that is another new one, and I am going to list these recent string of new segments on a spreadsheet to keep track of them at some point), I learned that Steve Jobs stepped down, there was an earthquake on the east coast, and a vicious hurricane on the east coast.  My prayers are with NJ, my birthplace, and NYC against Irene.  I survived on the beach in VA Beach talking shit to Hurricane Gloria, but still wouldn't recommend doing it.

5.  September 23rd is the release of the next movie I will be seeing in the theater.  I successfully stopped myself from doing Planet of the Apes just for the effects.  Moneyball.  Even if you don't know what the heck it is, I have a gut feeling it will resemble Rounders in that respect.  If you are educated on Moneyball, then it will be a great movie.  If you have no idea, it will still be pretty badass.  Anyone who HASN'T seen Rounders, you have my permission to stop reading this right NOW and go watch it.  I won't be offended.

6.  While we are waiting for the comeback of the Michigan football program to elite status, is anyone but me paying attention to the blue chip recruits exiting stage left?  Enough players are leaving that I am expecting for Irene to make a huge left hand turn after NYC and make sense of the evacuation.

7.  We all have decisions we regret.  We all look back on moments that we will always wonder, "what if I..."  Here is Jordan Jefferson's first big one.  He was officially arrested for that alleged bar fight after a witness came forward.  You KNOW those cops who discussed only football in that laborious questioning of the players were PISSED.  "Damn, we got a witness.  Guess we got to arrest our starting QB.  Damn."  Anyway, Jefferson goes from leader of one of the most solid squads in the nation to the guy whose foolishness might have cost the school a championship.  Luckily, LSU does have a 5th year senior as their backup, but experienced or not, it is probably not going to be the smoothest ride making your first start in a while against...Oregon.  I initially was going to change my feeling on this game, but then I did some more research.  I think Jarrett Lee actually still pulls this off.  I think he loses one down the road that maybe Jefferson could have won, and I think LSU still doesn't win the whole thing.  However, I am still going with my feeling that Oregon's offense is "groovy," and it will be impossible to get that groove this early in the season against the size, power, and speed of that defense.  I will say 24-17 LSU.  Does anyone else think that at this very moment, Jefferson and Jacory Harris are having shots and beers right now?

8.  Hey, Jeff Gordon.  I try not to pile on NASCAR too much in this thing, but Wrigley Stadium?  During "Take me Out To the Ballgame?"  Nice work, sir.

9.  Javaris Crittenton.  Dude.  I am not going to say too much about this until the police figure out everything.  Shame, man.  You were a stud coming out of high school, then came out a year or two too early from school.  Then, THAT showed with your shenanigans with Mr. Arenas pretending you guys WERE Rounders characters.  Now, you allegedly killed a woman walking on the street, which apparently was not even your intended target.  I am not going to use the Chandler take on this because the death of an innocent person is involved, but come one.  Sad stuff...all over.  You are like the less funny version of Lawrence Phillips.

10.  Interesting tidbit from an interview with Verne Lundquist.  After the one of the top 3 (I am just saying that to be fair-I think it was the best) college basketball games in history (UK-Duke '92), Coach K went over to be interviewed by UK radio first right after a monumental and historic win because it was the radio guy's last game.  I swear.  I can't find ONE FREAKING THING that is bad or irritating about that guy.  He plays for a team that I hate passionately because of my schooling, but that dude is pretty much a class act.  He really makes you tough to hate them.  Don't worry.  I still do, but I am just saying it is tougher because of him.

11.  In our developing "why tweets will bring down or get arrested 500 athletes a year someday" segment (I just can't STOP making up these segments-sorry),  a Mississippi State basketball player was kicked off the team for tweets trashing the program.  No comment, because I am sure there will already be a better tweet story to make fun of by the time I am done writing this.  I won't be able to keep up, or I will have to blog every 5 hours every day or something.

12.  In our latest "I didn't even open the article" segment (HEY, that was already introduced last rant), I saw on the wire that JoePa had just gotten Skype or something to that effect.  Wait, stay with me here.  Imagine JoePa, who probably bitches every day about computers and technology, chatting back and forth on Skype... I just think that is funny.  Maybe I SHOULD have opened the article.

13.  Damn.  I meant to put this as my first take even though I don't put these in order of chronology or importance, but if you haven't seen this, are patriotic, and care at all for dogs, then this is easily the coolest thing I saw this week.  This is the photo that is floating around of a dog sleeping at the base of his master's coffin, a NAVY Seal who was one of the 31 casualties of the helicopter being shot down over Afghanistan.  http://www.desmoinesregister.com/article/20110826/NEWS/308260040/0/NEWS03/?odyssey=nav|head
Of course, it doesn't even matter if it wasn't sports related as I add lots of random thoughts in these things.  However, the University of Iowa is having that same dog, Hawkeye, lead them onto the field for their home opener.  This is not sarcasm.  I am ex-military and a dog lover.  I just got warm and fuzzy just rereading that take and viewing the picture again.  Of course, I also cry at the end of Turner and Hooch.

14.  Here is a tidbit that maybe I found interesting.  Josh Timlin is a first time starter for the Indians.  Here you go.  He is the 2nd pitcher since 1919 to go his first 37 starts and last at least 5 innings.  Good stuff.  I am sure you will run and go excitedly tell the next person you see that fact.

15.  Don't they have enough records already?  Most Grand Slams in one game now belongs to the Yankees-3.  I definitely think that should be a random record held by some bottom dwelling team.

16.  I was chuckling enough when it was the Raiders who picked up Terrelle Pryor.  However, then I read they sign him for 4 years.  4 years?  Is that some supplemental draft rule I am not aware of, or is it just plain stupid?  Even if you are betting that he will do better than people think he will and want to lock him up for more years to hold on to him, you are aware he can always pull a Chris Johnson, right?

17.  AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  Danica!  You are gorgeous, I admire you choosing racing as a career, want to see you naked, and I root for you.  But, please STOP, FOR GOD'S SAKE, telling me where you are going to race next year.  Stop talking to the press so much, and go win a couple races where you are at so the news is more exciting.  You are quickly becoming the pretty version of Brett Favre for me.

18.  He might not be the most badass receiver you have, but isn't there a rule that you need to keep a guy on the roster if he stops a knife attack on a restaurant manager?  Dibs, Tandon.  http://aol.sportingnews.com/nfl/story/2011-08-26/ravens-rookie-tandon-doss-stops-attack-on-restaurant-manager

19.  I suppose I could research this more and have some fun facts for you, but I have more fun referencing it with no expertise.  How the HELL does Kyle Busch win so damn much, in different kinds of vehicles no less, at Bristol?  I know there are different surfaces, curve angles, mileage, yada yada yada, but in essence aren't they just going around in a circle with fans from 30 different camps?  I want to add...nevermind.  I should stop this take before you realize that everything I know about Nascar is from reading an occasional article, staring blankly at the screen when ex-college bball star Brad Daughtery is talking about it on ESPN, and Days of Thunder.

20.  It is just glorified practices, but there are a few scouts out there dodging there NFL team's GM when the conversation of Andy Dalton comes up.  Dude is looking pretty damn good.  It is obviously way too early to make references like Tom Brady, Terrell Davis, Kobe Bryant, and Randy Moss, but still...solid...moving on.

21.  I was mesmerized by an itemized, broken down analysis of celebrities throwing out the first pitch in a baseball game.  I have no joke here, I was just passing along the petty way my mind is entertained.

22.  I am not exactly splitting the atom on this, but here is what I am thinking for the MLB playoffs.  SF, MIL, PHIL ATL (wildcard), Boston, Detroit, LA, NYY (wildcard).  I am saying Boston wins their division because Pedroia is back, and I am saying that LA/ Anaheim DOES catch Texas from behind.

23. Ready,  Are you ready?  I am going to officially badmouth something regarding Tiger Woods.  I don't care if I think he is good for the team's chances, or even good for him.  I don't think he should be on the President's Cup team.  That's it.  I just think he is taking a spot for an up and comer who has his head right on his shoulders.

24.  In the LLWS, the Pennsylvania team finally was eliminated.  I hope the Miracle, Hoosiers, Glory Road, and Rocky writers didn't listen to me and take the trip.

25.  Stop telling me that Cam Newton is "struggling."  Of COURSE he is struggling.  At Auburn, he played in an offense best associated with basketball's streetball offense.  The pro system is so DIFFERENT people.  Players are stronger and faster.  It has to be.

26.  I don't go to them, but I hear people complain about them.  I don't know if it the same in other cities, but why are preseason game ticket prices the same as regular season?  That really doesn't make much sense, does it?  Wow.  Live update again in the blog.  At the exact same time I am writing this take, they changed over the TV's to the Broncos preseason game, and then this group came in decked out inn Bronco gear, shouting and whistling "Go Broncos."  They were loud.  Very irritating.  Get a grip, people.

27.  A top recruit, Andre Drummond, just announced he is going to UConn to play bball.  In preseason talk and rankings, I have NEVER seen such a diversity of a team's status as UConn's.  I have seen them as low as 4th in their conference to 4th in the NATION.  I will go with the latter.  Jeremy Lamb is going to be a star, they have depth as usual in their front court, have a coach who has 3 titles already, and that talented freshman class from a year ago is a year older.  I am bothered by their lack of pure shooters, but that really didn't stop them the last three times they won it in Calhoun's system, did it?

28.  Larry Fitzgerald is arguably the best receiver in football, and I would want to keep him on my team, too. However, does it bother anyone else that he now makes only $3 million less than Tom Brady and Peyton Manning?  I am not piling on WR's.  I am just saying that one guy has to have the ball in his hand EVERY single down, the other just needs to do something when he is involved in a play 15 times a game.  I would compare it to my hatred of any pitcher who pitches on 5 days rest winning the MVP unless they are 30-2 or something.

29.  I would be relatively happy if I LIVE as long as Vin Scully has been announcing Dodger games...63 years.  Nice work.

30.  Let's do US Open calls.  I have already discussed in a previous rant how Serena's ranking is ridiculous, but I have done the breakdown and draw research and am ready to make my predictions.  For the ladies, I feel strongly Sharapova is taking this one.  People, it is not just because I like watching and...listening...to her play her matches.  Even though I REALLY like listening to her matches.  She is playing pretty well, is due, is healthy, and her game on hardcourt is a good match.  For a darkhorse, can I take Serena since she is ranked 28th?  OK.  I won't.  I will go with Jelena Jankovic.  I liked what I saw in the last couple matches I have watched with her playing in earlier slams.  She has a great game.  For the men...mmm...dammit.  I am doing it again.  Give me Andy Murray as far as analysis, with an asterisk that Nadal is going to wonder why we are not talking about him as much and could take it also.  Darkhorse.  I LOVE this pick.  He has been building and building, is the most athletic guy in tennis, and just hasn't put an entire tournament together, even though when he has been on, he has been on.  I will take Jo-Wilfried Tsonga.  Dude is a stud, and he sure as hell ain't winning the French (he is French-that is why this is relavent) Open with his skill set.

31.  Bonds obstruction of justice is upheld, and Clemens requests to dismiss perjury charge.  Stop clogging the wires, cheaters.

32.  Let's check in with our favorite people.  You know.  OUR favorite people.  The people who just simply make me smile when I see their name in the news.  T.O. still hasn't wrestled an alligator (I am still mad at that, TO), and is killing time acting on "Necessary Roughness."  Nothing funny there, but it still makes me smirk.  Ocho?  Mason Foster hit him during a game and was fined.  Ocho said the hit was great and wants to pay his fine.  That is against rules by the way, but good ole Ocho sent a tweet, referring to Goodell as "Dad," saying he would reimburse Foster personally.  Ocho.  I kind of like this one.  I am sure you will do something I don't think is not cool pretty soon to balance it out, but I like it.  Dad?  Paying fines and tweeting about it?  Nice work.  Mr. Artest.  I initially thought you had TWO stories these last few days, but then I realized they were linked.  I just saw "name change" and "warrants,"  and since anything next to your name would be believable, I just thought I would check it out later.  I come to find out that your name change has been delayed by the courts because of your excessive outstanding traffic tickets.  It is not the most exciting thing from you this rant, but you truly just make me smile.  Keep keeping it real, bro.

33.  I will not go into a whole tirade on this for this rant, and my friends know I could.  However, since it came up in conversation this week, I would just like to mention my biggest pet peeve from the glam rock era. People know that Whitesnake (one of my favorite bands from back in the day before I became a semi-hippy music guy) did "Here I Go Again," a very popular song back in the day, along with inventing beautiful women doing seductive things to cars in music videos.  Anyway, I won't let visuals of late 80's Tawny Kitaen get me off my groove.  I simply want my readers to know that a guy named John Sykes is on that album as a band member.  If you have heard the rest of that album, the guitar is literally sick on that thing, and it was all him.  He gets fired, they get popular, and they have to hire TWO guys to replace him for the videos and tour.  Two.        
Vivian Campbell from Dio and Adrian Vandenburg from..uhhh...Vandenburg.  Sad that I don't even have to look that up.  Anyway, just know any Whitesnake you hear from that album was actually John Sykes and he got screwed.  If you ever want to check out his guitar skills in the badly named, and evidently bitter, band he formed right after, check out Blue Murder.  I recommend Jelly Roll, Billy, Riot, and Valley of the Kings, and Out of Love as songs to check out so you don't waste too much time sifting through the crappy ones.  You will here Out of Love, and immediately recognize the guitar skills from Is This Love, and you will hear Riot and Valley of the Kings, and immediately think of Crying in the Rain or Still of the Night from Whitesnake.

34.  Yay.  The Heath Bell waiver pickup/ trade fell apart.  Without serious bats in that lineup, I think they could have really helped their cause by getting a solid closing guy.  Too bad.  My heart cries.

35.  I do not claim to be a fantasy expert, and am only decent at it because I don't have to look up depth charts of any team during the draft, so I will spare you  from me breaking this down.  Be forewarned.  I plan on looking into some stuff for my league on Monday and Tuesday.  So, if your draft is after this coming Wednesday, check out the rant for some darkhorses.  I will not waste time typing what everyone is chirping in your ear, but I usually have some insights on a couple people are forgetting about because of offenses they run, chemistry, history, etc.

36.  Things I didn't touch on this week (I am still being told to snip this thing off a little.  I am SORRY.  I just can't stop typing once I get going.  Tonight, I sat down and didn't think I had much to say.  I struggled through the first take, and look now-36??), Tebow put downs, Big 12 eyeing Notre Dame comments, breakdown of the NBA lockout issues, Peyton Manning, and Rob Henry getting hurt from Purdue.  Only one Seinfeld reference (yada), no sky is blue segment (I am trying to evolve new segments, people), no Chandler take, and limited links.  It is a stream of consciousness, and I can't be perfectly consistent.

37.  I might phase out my usual closing reference.  Just don't really even care anymore, and feel like I am giving her positive props by even mentioning her.  So, as my boy Brady Quinn would say, NOW I'm done.  Talk to you this week, people.