Read it, don't read it, I don't care...I just need to get some things off my chest.
In no particular order of chronology or importance...
LOTS to get to...let's turn and burn.
1. I am so tired of this Dream Team crap. I don't care who started it, and I wish it would fade off into sunset like QB great Brett Favre. Damn. I guess that is the opposite of what I want. Bad comparison. Anyway, the Dream Team had five starters and some reserves who were Hall of Famers. That was dreamy. Football has 22 players just on offense and defense starting. I don't remember 22 stars joining the Eagles. This is the deal. I am not saying they won't be a very good and talented team, but they have two headcases at QB, two receivers who look like someone sawed Harold Carmichael in half, and have a coach who hasn't proved he can win the big one. I am not sold...
2. LeBron backed Tim Tebow when Merrill Hoge was trashing him on twitter. I didn't think their schedule would let them do it, but evidently LeBron spent 5 or 20 minutes around Tim, and his life is better for it. Yes, I truly love that joke.
3. An ex-Olympic boxer, 69 years old, fought off two bank robbers this week at a bank in Australia. I think that is bad-ass, and am not faulting the story, but who the hell robs a bank with a hammer and a knife?
4. I know they are harder to rate, but as I perused the top 125 recruits for 2012 (I read every single one...yup), I was surprised to find out that the first QB didn't appear until #25. Other positions are a little easier to rate because of physical strength and speed, but I find it odd that arguably the most important position in the NFL has a class with 24 people ahead of him.
5. I couldn't watch it because I worked, but Tiger shot 2 under today in the first round at Bridgestone. I will have plenty to say on this the next rant or two, so I will keep it short, but did you notice who leads the field after day 1? Adam Scott, with Stevie Williams on his bag. Please. PLEASE. Have Adam Scott and Tiger align during the weekend and have to play in the same group. Come on. That would be fancy as hell.
6. In our sky is blue, grass is green category... Easy one this week, people. The ONLY thing that could have made this story better is if Ron Artest and DeShawn Stephenson were with him. Darius Miles got busted at the St. Louis Airport trying to get a loaded gun through security. Word is, though, all of his toiletries were in bottles less than 4 ounces and in a quart Ziploc bag. Good job, Darius. If I didn't believe that nicknames should be longer than your actual name, I would say that we should call you Stegosaurus. Big animal, with a brain the size of a walnut. By the way, Braylon Edwards was involved in a bar fight. I heard it was because he missed his flight where he also was going to take a gun through security.
7. The Yankees might be the Yankees, but if I was a fan, I would worry about pitching in a FIVE game series, let alone a seven game series. You should never root for injuries, but I have a feeling a couple of the Yankees higher-ups have their fingers crossed about the whole Buchholz thing.
8. Is it bad that I am tolerating the Osi drama in NY only because I assume it is taking the place of a "Favre was sited at a high school field throwing routes" story?
9. Braves fans can be glad they got SOMEONE at the deadline, and Michael Bourn is a solid pickup, but they must feel like they were just dropping business cards on the floor at last call, hoping that a girl called them.
10. Check out this cool as shit wrestling take down that happened this week: http://www.yardbarker.com/mma/articles/msn/this_is_the_best_wrestling_takedown_you_will_see_today/5809999
11. I read about the top 125 high school recruits in the nation, and this guy fishes. I did the math kind of quick, but pretty sure it comes out to about two fish a minute. http://msn.foxsports.com/other/story/Minnesota-man-catches-2649-fish-in-24-hours-for-new-world-record-080111
12. I don't watch a whole lot of baseball games before September. However, when I was checking out the Phillies/ Rockies games this week, I have to admit, I learn more things than watching any other sport. Baseball announcers know their stuff, and I soak it in like a sponge, even while knowing I have no use for it except this rant and boring people at bars. Sidenote. I LOVE the fact that I could hear almost more cheers from the loyal, we don't care where we live Phillies fans than the Rockies fans was awesome. Of course, considering it was a sweep, I suppose I don't have much of a control group. Sidenote #2. Are fans of other teams around the league SO glad that Oswalt is about to be back in the lineup? You guys are so lucky. Sidenote #3. This town of Denver is really confused by the whole Jimenez trade to the Indians. Actually, so am I.
13. In our copy and paste segment, check out the standings of the East Divisions in both leagues (Boston and NYY are always interchangeable by the way). Ready? Philly, Atlanta, Florida, New York, Washington. Boston, NYY, Toronto, Toronto, Baltimore. Go figure. That is the last ten years...
14. A week after Peyton Manning offered to restructure his contract, Big Ben did the same thing. I noticed that the fine print was to let him ride motorcycles, go to college bars, and have sex with a girl who...I better stop there...
15. Randy Moss retires. I think that he leaves on an OK level with everyone out there. A couple ups and downs, sure, but the existence of Terrell Owens and Chad Ochocinco actually made him seem normal. The only thing I was confused about is how his agent said two months before that he was in "freakish" shape. Lot of work for nothing, bro. Anyway, you will go down as one of the best ever, and someone who redefined the position. I will continue to consider Owens and Ochocinco as idiots and you as misunderstood.
16. Speaking of freakish shape, this is one of the few years that someone who is not in NFL training camp is working out like a maniac still. I am not exactly splitting the atom here, but I have a feeling there will be plenty of injuries with the compressed deadline.
17. Here is an odd one. The Pacers owner's wife directed CPR for a victim at the courthouse where she and her hubby are being sued at. http://www.sacbee.com/2011/08/01/3809093/pacers-owners-wife-directs-la.html
18. The baseball trading deadline frustrates me. I get all excited about the clock clicking down, and then are like 12 more moves using the waiver wire after the fact. Sure, it is different rules, but it is still anti-climatic.
19. Crappy made up joke of the week...Why does David Stern insist on doing everything in the negotiations of the NBA lockout? Because he is not looking for a Tur-key solution. Hardy har har. Remember, my favorite joke of all time is the following... What did the fish say when he ran into the wall? Damn.
20. Hey, Serena. If you play like that in the US Open, these young-uns don't stand a chance. No joke, just saying. I feel like going to watch the first Predator suddenly...
21. Quick! Name the 8th most prolific home run hitter in history according to total home runs. Got it? Jim Thome. Huhh...
22. I was watching the X Games. In between competitions, is Carrot Top his personal trainer? Dude is getting buff. Does adding muscle in sports where you flip around and do crazy stunts help or hurt? Hmmm.
23. There is NO WAY I am stopping at 25 takes. Just not going to happen. That is what I get for missing a day.
24. I made a comment a few weeks ago about how impressed I am of people who developed the rules to sports way back when...and that they have held up to snuff, even with evolving athletes. I am so amazed 90 ft. still works for a stolen base to make it so close to this day. I am mesmerized every time I watch an attempt.
25. I know they have to look good and there is that whole uniform thing, but I wonder if, say baseball players, could untuck their shirts and wear some loose clothes. Tradition is tradition, but I would want to be in baggy shorts and a cutoff if I was a professional athlete. I would just feel faster. That is why I consciously decided to not be a professional athlete. Yup. That's the reason.
26. What happens when people get tired of you being wrong about predicting the Super Bowl for your team? http://withleather.uproxx.com/2011/08/the-rex-ryan-tattoo-question-is-missing-an-important-follow-up
27. It is so nice to know the best basketball player in the world also keeps his skills in other sports upgraded: http://lakersblog.latimes.com/lakersblog/2011/07/kobe-bryant-shows-off-his-soccer-skills.html
28. The key Stow witness died from eating NUTS??? No jokes. Wow. That is just weird.http://www.cbsnews.com/8301-504083_162-20086781-504083.html
29. Burress goes to the Jets. It would have been better if he was a basketball player in the 80's, and he got picked up by the Washington Bullets. That was kind of funny to me...
30. I still laugh when Dr. Dre says about him having guns, "what you think? I sold'em all?" Big fan, people, and anxiously awaiting Detox. Remember, our team name in Hoop It Up was Deez Nuts. That is what you get when you leave me in charge of that part of the operation.
31. In our Back to the Future segment, Jason Taylor went to the Dolphins. I will have a bedpan later in life, and Jason Taylor will be switching teams again. He is the NFL version of a flow chart. Sidenote. I am pretty sure the first time you were on the Dolphins, FSU and Miami were good at college football. Hey, look! They are on the prowl too! Crazy shit. Maybe they will re-release Third Eye Blind's "Semi Charmed Kind of Life" too.
32. In our " Do you want a hug?" category (yes, I have a lot of new categories this week evidently), Chad Henne was bothered by boos in practice by fans after the Orton trade didn't happen. Dude, you got yourself a hug take on my rant, but you also had Favre mentioned in the article. NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!
33. I was pretty young when he was a player, but is it bad that all I thought about when Bubba Smith's death was announced was Police Academy and Miller Lite commercials?
34. Bad week for high school sports. My thoughts go out to the families of the two SC high school kids and the Dallas HS coach who died on the field this week. Rest in peace, y'all. Sad stories.
35. Pete Carroll. It must be nice to know that you can offer money legally when you are recruiting players. Rice? Gallery? Miller? Nice pull, bro. You had a hell of a draft, a decent year, and truly must be a great coach to play for...just not in college.
36. Do the Arizona Diamondbacks know that they are supposed to be contenders in two to three years? Someone forgot to let them know. Upton is making a serious run for the MVP of that league.
37. Evidently, ARod gets loopy at a bar and goes home and watches Rounders each night too. Me too. I don't make 20 mil plus a year, and people in the league don't care if i did gamble hypothetically, but still. Dude, even with all of the heat, I actually think I like you better now.
38. Nick Fairley has an injury. Wow. We never saw that coming. I guess Mel Kiper DOES do a lot of work at his job. He called that from a mile away.
39. You know how much I hate weather alerts, well, at least during a game I am watching. The other day here, there was a flash flood alert BEFORE it started raining. I am going to compare this with gambling. When a flash flood alert comes DURING the heavy rain, it is like pulling a 2 and 3, pulling a 6, and then hitting. When you try to call a flash flood with no rain coming down, I am assuming you are playing a 8 and 3 off the bat against a 6 up...you are doubling down. In case you are curious, there was no flash flood in my county. The dealer evidently had a 5 underneath, and then pulled a queen.
40. I could go on, but let's stick with round numbers. 40 is a good stop. I am going to do an indirect joke in closing combined with one of my favorite movies. You know how I end these things...the Taint joke. Read take #11 again. Seriously, scroll up. Now, let's bring in White Men Can't Jump. It's "TOO EASY." No, it's "TOO EASY!!" Peace, people. Talk to you next time...NOW I'm done...(hey, no Seinfeld references...crazy)
No comments:
Post a Comment