062911

The Rant

by The Fillerbuster

Read it, don't read it, I don't care...I just need to get some things off my chest

In particular order of chronology or importance...

1.  Is there a trend going on, snowballing, that I am not aware of?  Is it suddenly hip to announce what things you did against the rules in college?  Crowder from Florida is the latest addition, selling jerseys.  Hey, I guess I should be happy.  I bitched the last time about everyone being sub-par players from good programs that I still had to look up.  Crowder?  Now, we are getting somewhere.  I have a dream that Tim Tebow someday will admit an agent bought him a bag of Cheetos back in college.  If it is true, I wonder how long it took him to eat it.  If Tebow took exactly 5 minutes to finish it, I bet the agent was a better man for it.  Google that if you don't get the joke.  I remember the announcer saying it live.  Anyway, plus, I would understand it was Cheetos.  I am a Cheez It guy.  I am practically married to Cheez Its.  But, when I have a bag of Cheetos, it is like a hot, unbridled (Seinfeld reference alert) affair.
2.  Calipari gets an extension.  Soak it up, bro.  You must be the Jedi Knight of recruiters.  Everyone you go to see signs up.  If you go to someone you don't like, I assume you say "these are not the recruits I am looking for."  Come on.  Do something wrong and get caught.  There is no WAY you are recruiting like you do.  There has to be hookers, payments, SOMETHING...God forbid if you could ever keep these players for more than a year.  Oh, and thanks for telling us how passionate you are for giving college athletes stipends.  First of all, that is opening Pandora's Box.  Where does it end?  Softball players, crew teams, etc.? Second of all, you are already paying them.  At least your peeps are happy.
3.  I watched most of the CWS final series.  It all changed with game 1, Florida had 0 outs with the bases loaded in the bottom of the ninth.  They didn't score, and the thing was over after that.  Mentally, they were checked out.
4.  Speaking of the CWS, did you people watch game 1?  Who is that home plate umpire?  Does he moonlight offseason as playing monsters in cartoons?  Is that his real voice?  Does he know there is a mic on him?  I have never seen any of those Hobbit/ Rings movies, but he sounds like a creature that come upon way up in the mountains who hasn't seen life forms in 10 years.
5.  Hey, Kenny Britt.  Just because I started a blog, that doesn't mean you have to overload me with new material.  Two separate warrants than the one I teased you about 2 rants ago?  If I have to start another blog subject, I will name it "Another Britt on the Wall."
6.  Federer is just sick at the between the legs shot.  Doing that shot in the Visa Dallas Open (I made that up) is one thing, but in Grand Slams regularly?  Dude.  Good stuff.  Oh, and pre-rant news.  Roger lost today.  Two things.  I wouldn't have believed you if you told me he lost in a Grand Slam after being up two sets, but I would have believed you if you said it was Tsonga.  His athleticism is off the charts.  You could see it the last two years in major tournaments.  The kid has skills, and he has the athleticism to bother some of Federer's usual winners.  Suddenly, Sampras's Wimbledon record at Wimbledon seems more unbelievable.
7. Kariya retires with brain damage.  You are the Grant Hill of hockey.  We will never know what your career  would have been without your injuries, and you are one classy dude.  Plus, when you came back from that hit by Stevens in the Finals 2003, how could you not root for you?  Sorry your name never got on that thing, bro.
8.  I care like every normal guy on earth, but can someone please flow chart all of these reports on NFL talks?...where they are, whether it is covert or not, whether everyone is there...
9.  He is an ex-Philly, I shouldn't care, and it is not fault.  However, does anyone else think that Jayson Werth's contract of 7 years at 120 mil last year will jack up baseball contract negotiations for YEARS.  Jayson, Vin Baker was interested in going out for drinks if you are interested.
10.  Tiger has a beard, has a new Japan endorsement deal, is not practicing, and not coming back until he is 100%.  Damn.  He is my BOY, and even I don't care about these developments.  Just shut up and get your ass back before the PGA worse case, even though you will have an awesome shot at that British Open even if you are 80%.
11.  I think Randy Moss, Chad Ochocinco, and Terrell Owens, when the time comes, should all retire together.  It just seems right.
12.  Mayweather still wants to fight Pacquiao.  You live in a bubble, Floyd.  And by the way, it's Moops, not Moors.  That fight just simply needs to happen.
13.  Fox Sports reported that Charlie Sheen did steroids before his role in "Major League."  Read that slowly.  I have no further jokes, and didn't need to open the article.  Fox, really?  On your wire?
14.  Venus, Serena, and Caroline all got jettisoned on the same day??  Wow.  I think you ladies just made my bar visit longer the night before the ladies final.  I will go to sleep saying "No alarm clock for you!"
15.  The Dodgers beat the Twins 15-0 at Minnesota the other night.  I am sure there is a bankruptcy/ Wimbledon joke in there somewhere, but I can't place it.  Still, 15-0, that is hard to do...on both sides.
16.  What is Fox Sports good for?  They had an excellent report on Bosh's recent bachelor party.  You don't need to read it though.  Just know it must have been one hell of a "bash."  Say it with an accent and it is funnier.
17.  I am from Jersey.  That gives me full right to bust on it.  Who am I kidding?  It singlehandedly gives everyone the right to bust on it.  Anyway, the NBA team situation is really interesting.  Here, you have a chance to go play for the Russian version of Mark Cuban...someone who has attitude, passion, deep pockets, and the will to do anything to get his team winning.  However, the downside is you have to play one more year in the armpit of the universe before moving to Brooklyn.  I want to see Calipari recruit there, dammit.  I think I would do it though.  If I was Deron, I would stay.  Ride this one out, bro.  Speaking of Jersey, there are not actual Nets or Devils fans.  If you go far enough south, everyone is all about Philly teams.  If you go far enough north, you root for NY teams.  I would go further on this joke, but Putty was a Devils fan and that episode was pretty damn funny.
18.  Ubaldo Jimenez's downfall is perplexing to me.  It is not like he is pulling a Rick Ankiel.  He still is hitting spots.  The movement is just not as nasty, and the velocity is a little down.  Everyone just suddenly figured him out.  It is like the 101 Dalmations barking chain on crack.  It is like a scene out of Independence Day.  "Tell them how to bring those sons of bitches down."
19.  Michael Floyd is on 1 year probation for his DUI.  One more, and he goes on double secret probation.
20.  I went to Panic Sunday.  I went there with my buddy with no tickets, and no plans.  When I started to get down because we couldn't find tickets, he had to remind me of the one truth in my life.  NOTHING goes wrong during a Panic show for me.  Everything unknown just works out.  I will make this short, and of course, edited.  My WSP buddy, who I usually ride up with on an orange school bus, was out of contact.  I suggested to my buddy that we go sit under a tree we sat under last year when we were having fun.  Some Karma rationale.  I sat there for ten minutes and dreamed of a school bus, testing my Panic past.  It appeared.  Like the freaking cavalry.  It wasn't my buddies unfortunately.  But, they had tickets.  Things went like clockwork after that moment.  They covered "No Sugar Tonight," "Sultans of Swing," and did their first "Wild Thing" in 886 shows.  Amazing.  One of these years, I am going to go without money. tickets, and clothes to really test the limits.
21.  Finally (well, except for the usual last take), God bless you Lorenzo Charles.  We will miss you.  You were a great dude.  And people forget you got drafted also, so it wasn't just that one shot.  You were good.  But Tyree could play ten more years, and he will be remembered for what?  It doesn't matter what the heck Bryce Drew does in coaching.  Larry Brown could win the Pulitzer (actually, he is probably too busy hanging with Vin Baker and Jayson Werth right now).  Lorenzo personally wrecked the legacy of what might have been one of the best collection of college players in Phi Slamma Jamma...who netted 2 Hall of Famers eventually.  You did it with one of the most memorable plays of all time in the tourney.  You also gave one of the most beloved coaches his championship.  Thanks for everything, Lorenzo.
22.  See?  22 takes.  I am getting more concise.  Anyway, thanks to Taint for getting me to start writing this Rant, but you will always be a hooker.

P.S.  due to the absence of a "sky is blue, grass is green take," there will be two next time.

As one shepherd said to the other shepherd, I am getting the flock out of here...