Read it, don't read it, I don't care...just needed to get some things off my chest.
In no particular order of chronology or importance...
This might be distracted. My background tonight is the Flyers game. Kind of stressed.
1) It was a sad ending for one of the best linebackers of our generation, Junior Seau. The story is similar to a lot similar to others out there, a pedal to the medal sports hero who couldn't find any similar type of rush once the game passed him by. Word is that there were odd actions like random trips to Vegas that symbolized a man looking for a thrill that was once satisfied between the lines. We will miss you, Junior.
1a) This is the freaky part. Guess how many players, all under the age of 45, have died from '94 Chargers Super Bowl team? EIGHT. Freaking EIGHT. Wow. That is scary. Someone flow chart their jersey numbers and positions to see if this is some Da Vinci Code mystery. I actually would put myself on this project, but I am only allotted 24 hours per day just like the rest of us.
2) Hmmm. Your team is playing one of the front runners for the NBA title. You play in the Big Apple. The stars are going to have to be aligned to even have a chance. Some of your key players are hurt. So, what should you do? Punch some glass. Yeah. Not exactly splitting the atom over there, Amare Stoudemire. By the way, something tells me it was something we don't know about and what we would call an "internal" problem, because it occurred to me that you got beat by THIRTY points in Game 1, and you didn't punch anything. What gives?
3) It kind of is nice when the hype equals the result (note to self Albert Pujols). Unless you live in a bubble, you know that the Rangers made the gutsy move of letting go of veteran CJ Wilson to the Angels, and then signed high priced import Yu Darvish. Well, people, dude has quietly gone 4-0 with a 2.18 ERA. Maybe this one IS for real. The always so close Rangers hope so.
4) John Harbaugh has called out the Pats randomly, saying all their titles are "tainted." Sure, they got busted with a videotape of the opponent and sure that is not really the games should be won. That being said, you haven't won shit, John. Sounds like someone is throwing rocks at glass houses or however the cliche goes, but I personally would listen a little more closely about your bitching if you had a ring or two.
5) Yay. Baseball stats are out. Sure, I could look them up online, but I let the newspaper tell me when we have a large enough control group to post the stats and evaluate where we are at. Where are we, you ask? Well, let's just say that if the season stopped right now, this would be the easiest vote for MVP in history...already (well, without roids at least). Matt Kemp and Josh Hamilton are LIGHTING IT UP. Side note, I believe Ryan Longoria will still have something to say about this vote, but it is unfortunate that he is going to miss 4-8 weeks with an injury already.
6) Memo to the Atlanta Hawks. When you are at home with the opposing team's star point guard out for the game AND you are waiting to advance to that "next" level and be respected, you need to win that game. You pretty much let Paul Pierce play with you, and didn't exploit Rondo's absence at all. I am stealing this one even though a million observers have already used it (I really do like the movie), you can't HANDLE the Truth, Atlanta.
6a) By the way, Truth. Did I actually see you Tebowing it at midcourt after the game? Come on, man. Don't join the masses.
7) I get it. Spurs head coach Gregg Popovich is a great coach. He was missing Manu for a while, and surprisingly beat out OKC for the #1 seed in the West. That being said, I would have voted each day of the week and twice on Sunday (I was keeping with my brief Few Good Men theme) for Pacers Frank Vogel. They pulled not only a respectable #3 seed in the East, but beat out the formidable Hawks and Celtics to do it. He has talent on that roster, but he coached his ass off to make it work probably a year earlier than most of us would have thought.
8) I like the NBA playoffs because I like basketball. I like the playoffs because they have the best teams left. I like the NBA playoffs for a lot of reasons, but this would definitely be top 5. I get to listen to the Nuggets on a neutral TV station and can actually get the game called in an unbiased manner. Thank you.
9) Beware, people. This whole talking AND listening phone thing is pretty cool. It is. But, I have figured out the whole take over by the machines as it is factually presented in Terminator. We are at the beginning of Phase 2. This is the Recon Phase. This is where they get personal information from our important people to use against us in Phase 3. Get these fancy phones and have fun. Just remember to tell your kids that I called this a while back. I am sticking with my non talking phone until work dictates me to get one, which is the only reason I have a smartphone in the first place. Maybe I am John Connor. Yeah. And I am going as LONG as possible in this lifetime without talking into my phone. My phone already does shit I have NO intention of learning. Talking is not needed-just make sure the damn buttons work.
9a) On a sidenote, I find those new "beta testers" smartphone commercials kind of funny. Good idea...uhhh...whoever that commercial is for.
10) Congrats to Jered Weaver for getting a no-hitter. You have had the goods for a while and it was just a matter of time if the stars aligned correctly. You have crossed that off your bucket list. Who is next to get their first one? Cliff Lee and Clayton Kershaw, you are up. (Kershaw is presently cruising at his quiet 2-0 1.78 ERA)
11) Where John Fox wanted to steer clear of friction, Rex Ryan embraces it. How, you ask? Instead of dodging any questions about Tebow and Sanchez, Ryan has told the media PROACTIVELY that they BOTH look great. Sweet. I think Ryan is EXCITED for the controversy. However the whole bed and how you make it cliche goes, just apply it to Rex Ryan.
12) Chris Webber is a prime time announcer these days. He was doing the NBA game I was watching the other night and I really just want to ask him whether he still breaks into sweats when he is announcing a close game and someone calls a timeout.
13) We lost NCAA bball rivalry Kansas-Missouri this year. That old school series is now done. Now, it comes out that Indiana and Kentucky won't be playing anytime soon because of "venue" disagreements. Are you people TRYING to lose fans? I get the money, the conferences, the logistics, etc. But, someone needs to find a way for some of these classic rivalries to continue. Someone. Please.
14) If you read "Roy Halladay" and "8 ER" in the same sentence, and we were playing Jeopardy, what would you buzz in with as an answer? You would guess "Alex, what is the amount of ER's that Roy has given up this season to date?" Nope. It is the amount of ER's he gave up in ONE game...vs. Oakland. Yikes.
15) Johnny Damon is making his first start for the Indians this week. Is it just me thinking this, or does anyone else think he is just scraping together what he can to get those 277 hits to 3,000? Thought so.
16) I am not sure if this is true or not, but I SWEAR I saw a Domino's commercial on national TV that told us about a drawing, that if we won, that they would hire you on at one of their locations as a kitchen person. Yikes again. High stakes.
17) Interesting stat alert. Buck Showalter, Baltimore Orioles skipper, is 15-9 with the surprising squad this year. He got his 1000th win the other day, against the Yankees. His first win was across the way...at the old Yankees stadium. Talk about coming full circle.
18) In our very new "Amare Stoudemire" hook, my name is Tommy Rees. I am a QB at Notre Dame, one of the most sacred places to play college football. I heard they also brought in star recruit Gunner Kiel, so I better work hard to beat him out. What do I do? I go to a party, get in a foot race with the cops, get maced, and end up in jail for the night. You are ON. YOUR. WAY. KID.
19) Chipper Jones said something odd the other night. He said after a very exciting regular season game (stress "regular season" in this sentence) that his walkoff, in his WHOLE career, "takes the cake." Dude. You won a World Series. Come on.
20) Editor's note: I said that with Rose's injury, I would take the Spurs or OKC over the Heat in seven games. I will make the statement less ambiguous. It is an even year, therefore I will go all for OKC in my pick. The Spurs winning in 2012 just doesn't sound similar to the other years.
21) Hey, Denver papers, take it easy on George Karl. Sure, he has a losing record in the playoffs with a couple of pretty damn good teams. But. THIS isn't the year to pile on. Before, sure, he had some teams that should have done better. He has coached his ASS off this year, and I am even an unbiased spectator. The Lakers have been there and are good. The Nuggets are young, and totally rebuilt. Their time is coming. Stop writing nasty shit about Karl in the sports section. They are an earned SIXTH seed against a former champion.
22) The Cards lose Pujols for nothing. The Angels get Pujols without losing any players. And what happens? Top Gun. Everything is inverted. The Angels are 10-15. The Cards are 16-9. Sorry, Goose.
23) Anyone else remember last year when Jhoulys Chacin of the Rockies was one of the next up and coming pitching stars. Hold that thought, because dude is 0-3 with a 7.50 ERA for the season. Maybe next year, kid.
24) I want the Heat/ Knicks series to be interesting although it won't. More than that though, I want Jeremy Lin to come back to see just how much of a flash of a pan he actually was.
25) The great thing about the week before a Floyd Mayweather fight is that he is interviewed a lot, therefore increasing the control group that he might say dumb things. Kind of weak thus far, I must admit. He DID say that fighting Pacquiao is a health risk...because Manny is beefed up on illegal drugs. We also learned about these two that their favorite sport is cock fighting. Manny lives in the Philippines. That is not a surprise. Floyd Mayweather lives in the...ahhh, crap. Nothing seems far-fetched with Floyd. Maybe Floyd likes cock fighting because the store owner wouldn't take down a bad check upstairs (Seinfeld joke if you didn't follow that one). Meanwhile, Floyd's opponent stays quiet. I would absolutely root for an upset if I didn't want Floyd to fight Manny so bad.
26) The Clippers can't get down for losing the other night. They are the away team in the to-be-close Memphis series. They can be proud that they did the ONE thing you need to do in a series when you are not the favorite. Steal on one of the first two games. They had to come down from 27 points to do it, but they can check that off the list. This will go 7 games anyway most likely, but they will want a chance to take it at home in the sixth game.
27) This is either called pre-game umpire cocktails, or some story about losing your contact lense, because this is plain bad, even IN real time. http://www.yardbarker.com/author/article_external/10706282?mailing_id=1565&linksrc=mb_main_col_8
28) Terrell Suggs tore his Achilles this week in practice and vows to be back by midseason or sometime during the 2012 season. Two things on this. First, get well, bro. When my Steelers take you guys down, I want you all to be at full strength. Second, I have never torn my Achilles, but damn...it just sounds HORRIBLE.
29) Jonathan Vilma gets an entire year banned from the game because of Bountygate. Three others get hit also. They say that the proof is strong. Just skip the appeal, Saints. Take the penalties and run with it. You know where you should be putting manpower, don't you? In the Drew Brees contract negotiations. Yup.
30) I get technology. I get the timeline of being able to do it. I get the research and wanting to find the truth. But, the headline that kind of jarred me SO SOON was "BU researchers want to examine Junior Seau's brain." I can't IMAGINE knowing him and reading that. Whatever the cliche about paint and drying is, apply it.
31) Note to everyone. I am LITERALLY the WORST horse racing picker of all time. I don't think I have ever won. Ever. I think I actually won once when I told the person next to me to pick any horse BUT what I picked, and then they gave me a cut. I have obviously retired a LONG time ago. Anyway, here are my picks that will officially jinx everyone out there considering them. I like one semi-favorite, one favorite, one fun name, and one longshot.
TO WIN: I'll Have Another (that is kind of funny for some reason)
2ND: Bodemeister (it just sounds a lot like Jagermeister)
3RD: Daddy Long Legs (LOVE the name)
LONGSHOT: Rousing Sermon
Note: Although this is a sports rant, I admit that 45 seconds ago was the first time I looked at the list or the horses. In the words of Schultz from Hogan's Heroes, I know NOTHING.
Note 2: Just follow the Seinfeld rule. Take the mudder. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9L3KU5eiEBo
32) Lionel Messi broke some important record across the pond for goals. Just reporting it vaguely on purpose. I thought it went great with my horse racing take. You pansy. Two of them were on penalty kicks for Pete's sake.
33) Yay. Overtime for the Flyers/ Devils game after the Devils were up a goal with 10 to play.
34) Undersized for the position or not, I would be excited if I was a Nuggets fan. Kenneth Faried is a keeper. He just looks like any crazy dunk or blocked shot can happen at ANY time when he is on the floor.
35) I didn't open this article, but tell me if YOU don't think that Conference USA just took a huge step back in all of these conference realignments?
"North Texas, Florida International University, and Louisiana Tech are to join Conference USA in 2013."
36) Reason #141 why you should like recent Masters champion Bubba Watson. Fresh off his biggest win of his career and officially making himself a household name, he does what? He skips the "fifth" Major to spend "more time with his family." Dude is just SO freaking grounded. I will still rank buying the General Lee higher on my personal list of why I like him, but this is still pretty solid.
37) Matt Leinart officially signed with the Raiders to back up Carson Palmer. I will tell you this, since I had picked him up on my fantasy team as my "crazy genius" pickup when he started for Houston last year. After looking at his stats through that entire first quarter (this is sarcasm by the way), I consider him a LOCK to replace Carson by midseason at latest.
38) I won't get excited, but this week's Criminal Minds was another decent one. I also heard a rumor (I am NOT looking this shit up) that CSI Miami was cancelled. Talk about coming full circle once again...
39) The US plays Brazil in a "friendly" that everyone is excited about. I am not. I recognize that it is a good way to get to know a team, but to me (as I have ranted about 40 times at least) it just breaks down in OUR football terms as a preseason football game, which I refuse to watch. Is it freaking 2014 yet?
40) Ryan Braun had 3 HR's and 6 RBI's against the Padres this week. Guess this year's "help" kicked in, and word is he already has his first drug test timed for a Friday to once again use the weekend "shit might get contaminated" rule.
41) My work took me to NYC last week. Cool, but too amped up for my style. Fast moving and way too stressed. This week, I go to Palo Alto. Over/ under from when wheels are down and my feet are in a bay or ocean is 55 minutes, and that is taking in account the time I need to get my rental car. I have a water tattoo for a reason, and can't wait to see my favorite coast.
42) Two Nashville Predator players were suspended a game after breaking team rules. Then, it leaked out that they were seen out in AZ at 4am. In the regular season, do your thing, follow your team's rules, and try to have respect for the millions of dollars you make. In the PLAYOFFS??? You get your ass to bed, realizing this is the hardest trophy to win in all of sports. The kicker in this story was not that they were out during the playoffs, it was that they were out being down 2-0 in the series. Amazing how brain dead some of these guys are.
43) I love it when I see it on the national wire that Magic Johnson's first order of business as Dodgers part owner was to lower parking fees to the stadium. Maybe he has two lines. In one line, you pay full price. In the other you pay half, but you have to watch 10 minutes of Lakers highlights before proceeding to your spot.
44) The Devils, in ANY era, are even more irritating to play than the Flyers. The Flyers are pesky at every point in the game, and that personality has carried through multiple generations. The Devils? They are tedious, scrappy, and efficient. It is amazing the way they have shut down Giroux thus far, have nullified PP goal SHOTS (in addition to scores), and just plain irritate the crap out of you in between blue lines.
45) Shame to hear that the Vikings stadium has taken a step back because of freaking politics. Nothing to crack on with this hook. I just hope that they get to keep them. Every Vikings fan I have ever met...is a true fan.
46) The grass is green, the sky is blue, and somehow Clemens will get out of this shit. Here is a recent headline: "Pettite testimony conflicted." Why? Because one is telling the truth and the other is bobbing and weaving?
47) I don't need it now, but just a note to someone that we will need it eventually. Call it a note to self. Vince Young is working on becoming a Buffalo Bill. Evidently, he is in great shape also. Whoever starts the flowchart, I would like TWO flowcharts. One labelled "personal." The other labelled "NFL." Trust me. This is going to get more interesting before it ends. Plus, I am always recruiting for my Rant Team. Metta World Peace and Marcus Vick won't live forever, and we already lost Capriati.
48) I don't know Nationals superstar in the making Bryce Harper personally, and he had his first glimpse of household nameness (I LIKE that term) when he started a rally that ended up in a late inning win for the Nats that stopped a 5 game losing streak. But. I kind of like this story a LOT, and think it tells us something about the kid. http://espn.go.com/mlb/story/_/id/7878414/washington-nationals-bryce-harper-takes-swings-slow-pitch-softball-game-mall
49) I might not like Kobe Bryant, but I HAVE to respect him as a baller. When the Nugs were making their crazy comeback in game 2, he hit a DAGGER. It was a straight on bullet three pointer with a couple minutes left. The guy cheated on his wife, but he is freaking nails on the court.
50) I work hard, but can procrastinate at times. I admit it. I finished a task at work the other day I had been blowing off. I decided that people who aren't procrastinators are missing a certain feeling in life. That EXTRA good feeling of finishing something you have been blowing off. I compare it to doubling down in blackjack. Sure, you could just hit it and win, but when you double down, it is orgasmic (wow, THAT statement doesn't sound like I used to have a gambling problem, does it?). The hook still remains. It IS double the feeling, and I can make jokes about this because I DID kick a bad gambling habit and I am proud of it.
51) Scottie Pippen came out and tried to pump up the Bulls by saying they can win the whole thing still, and that Rose's absence is just an obstacle. In a related story, this statement was made BEFORE the second half of game 2, which was a basketball travesty.
52) They don't call penalties in OT hockey games unless you do something really, really bad. The Flyers just had a PP. They didn't score. Lost opportunity, boys, and I can't believe this game might last longer than my Rant. Take it into one more OT, so I can watch this without pausing on my laptop.
53) Knicks Tyson Chandler won Defensive Player of the Year. I think others might of deserved it, but I just think that because everyone else on the team DOESN'T play ANY defense, it made him more obvious.
54) Article I didn't need to open, and chuckled out loud at work when reading. "Oil Can Boyd used coke in every game in 1986." Go figure.
55) AND. FAVORITE story of the week by far. After getting A+ across the board by every expert for their draft, the Tampa Bay Bucs do this: http://www.orlandosentinel.com/osvideo-ndn-buccaneers-draft-paralyzed-rutgers-player-20120503,0,333428.htmlstory
56) That is it, since I am pissed now since the Devils just won with 2 minutes left in OT. I have never heard Bon Jovi in the background of ANYTHING and been depressed. I grew up in NJ. My favorite part of the Bon Jovi rite of passage story growing up in the alleged armpit of the universe (I can make that joke-I am from there)? I asked my family for Bon Jovi as a Christmas present when I was young and to buy me the song that goes like "Shot through the heart." My brother obeyed my wish and bought me a tape (yes, I am older...a TAPE). I went directly to that song, except it wasn't that song. The song I was singing to was "You Give Love a Bad Name," where they SAY shot through the heart. The asses ALSO had a song CALLED "Shot through the Heart" on their first tape, two before Slippery When Wet. Anyway, I ended up loving both songs, but it is a story about how EVERYONE in NJ in the 80's just ASSUMED that Bon Jovi and Bruce Springsteen were the best musicians on Earth. Holy shit, I guess I went kind of on a tangent on my final take. Ok. NOW I am done. As one shepherd said to the other, I am going to get the flock out of here...and do some work unfortunately. Peace. Look for an airplane rant next one, as I travel on Sunday and Monday, and therefore will have to find some way to squeeze one in.
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