Read it,
don’t read it, I don’t care…just needed to get some things off my chest.
In no
particular order of chronology or importance…
The Airplane
Rant. No internet, slanted laptop
screen, tight quarters, limited battery, but lots of time.
1)
First off.
It is unfortunate I have to call out a player on one of my teams, but I
have to do it. Cole Hamels. Thanks for classing up your organization this
week. Cole decided to plunk teenage
phenom in his first meeting with him when the Phils played the Nationals. When asked about it, he pretty much came
clean and said he did it because Bryce was new to the league. Cole, I get it. You were trying to be old school and welcome
a rookie properly, but this was not the right time. Here are a few things I would like to pass
along to you, Cole. One, you might have a ring, but you haven’t exactly lived
totally up to your hype. Why don’t you
focus a little more on YOU being good. Two, Bryce is going to be really, really
good. I wouldn’t piss him off TOO much
at this point seeing that he will most likely be hitting a LOT of home runs off
you for years to come. Three, the
Nationals have the record that your Phils should have at this point in the
season. Focus a little more on where you
all are at as a team.
2)
The
Dallas Mavericks got swept for the first time in franchise history in a best of
seven series. Wow. You knew that OKC’s time is coming, if not
now. You knew the Mavs might be a little
old this time around. But a sweep? I am surprised about the lack of resistance
after that first game. Your legacy is
just weird, Dirk. One well earned championship,
and a bunch of first round losses.
3)
In
another wow hook, we knew the Bulls would be a skeleton of themselves once
Derrick Rose went down. I still thought
that that skeleton would at least take down the Sixers. At press time, it was 3-1 Philly after 3
straight wins after the Rose injury. I know you all lost your leader, guys, but
you DO know you are pretty talented without him, right? Hello, Boozer, Korver, Deng, Hamilton, etc.
etc.
4)
There
was no upset in the Mayweather/ Cotto fight, but Money sure had to work a
little harder for this one. Knowing
this, Pretty Boy made sure to tell Cotto after the unanimous decision was
announced that he was the toughest guy he had ever fought. I got to know Floyd a little more this
week. GREAT article in the Mag about
what goes on behind the scenes in his world.
He has a mansion, toys, girls, etc., and now has 32 mil more to play
with from the Cotto fight. He is off to
jail, and we the masses are hoping somehow he comes out of jail saying the
Pacquiao fight is going to happen. PLEASE, Floyd.
5)
The
Seau family reconsidered the whole studying of Junior Seau’s brain opportunity. This has got to be a tough one for them. They jumped at the chance initially, but then
thought about it some more and must have decided that cutting up their kid’s
skull was not too cool even for the sake of possibly learning a little more
about concussions for future players. I
don’t think I would let them do it if it was my family. Sure, concussions are serious, but I wouldn’t
donate the body for research.
6)
I
would be more proud of correctly calling in my last rant the first two horses
in the Kentucky Derby in order, but I have already come clean about how little
I knew about this year’s field. I don’t
know anyone close to me who listened to me and actually made some money off it,
and therefore expect no one else did considering my massive amount of
disclaimers in the prediction.
7)
Odd
about the homicide in the stables. No
leads, no motives, and one dead guy.
Well, I guess if you ever go to the Derby, you better think twice about
how lucky you are if some random person says “Go wander around the
stables. It is really cool.”
8)
Mariano
Rivera goes down shagging flies in practice with a season ending injury. I was extremely glad to hear him say
literally the morning after that he will be coming back. Say what you want about guys hanging on too
long in professional sports. Say what
you want about how his heat has declined.
He might not come back mowing everyone down like ten years ago, but
there is no way that an injury like this should be the way a legend like that
guy goes out. I will be rooting for you,
Mariano.
9)
The
Miami Marlins have officially demoted Heath Bell. Baseball is seriously lacking some good
closers, with players like Bell staying healthy but sucking, and guys like
Wilson and Rivera getting hurt. If I am
an up and coming closer, THIS is an opportune year to show my stuff.
10) And this is the odd thing I learned
about racing this week. In F1 racing,
they literally heat the tires in electric blankets before putting them on a car
in the race. I would NOT have guessed
that a) they heat the tires beforehand at all b) that there isn’t any other
system in place besides your typical electric blanket.
11) So, I did the most efficient,
compressed San Francisco sightseeing tour one can do I believe on Sunday. My flight touched down in San Francisco
Airport at 1240pm. I had to get bags,
get my rental car, and then had about 3 hours total before having to be back to
pick up my colleague. These are the
things I accomplished in that span. I
saw/ walked Fisherman’s Wharf in full. I
had a clear visual of Alcatraz. I had a
clear visual of the Golden Gate Bridge.
I saw the sub and Navy ships on the docks. I had a cup of clam chowder while there. I saw the 40 or so sea lions laying on the
docks at Pier 39 (SO crazy that they picked THAT spot). I then walked to Chinatown and went all
through there, hitting the advised Grant and Stockton streets. I got on a cable car. .I went back and got my rental car and then
did the famous curvy, steep drive down Lombard Street. I thought about how skateboarders and
bicyclists are pretty damn gutsy trolling around in this town with the steep
hills. I drove back on the east side of
the city to get the feel of that side of town.
After I tried to get off that street, realizing that the Giants game was
just concluding, I figured out that they don’t like to give you ANY chances at
taking left handed turns out there. I
then drove down south and was right on time for my colleague. That is a LOT.
12) The Devils have outplayed the Flyers
thus far, and I don’t foresee the Flyers showing signs of doing anything
different at this point. Actually, the
Flyers should consider themselves lucky that they have been IN all of the games
thus far. In Game 4, at the end of the 2nd
period, they were down 3-2 to the Devils.
The Devils had 32 shots in comparison to 12 for the Flyers. You got to get it on goal, boys. You are digging your own grave. I know you will show some fight and possibly
snag the next game at your crib, but it might be too little, too late overall.
13) Ricky Fowler got his first PGA
victory this weekend at the Wells Fargo Championship. Great to see.
AND how he did it-by taking down Rory in a playoff. We are not too long away from shoving Tiger
and Phil along in the twilight years. It
would be AWESOME for golf if Ricky and Rory formed a little bit of a
rivalry. They both have the fantastic
personality, Ricky has the bright colors, and Rory is from a different
country. They BOTH sure as hell have
the game.
14) Pitcher Mota got penalized 100 games
for failing a drug test. This is the
good part. He is just the third player
to get hit for multiple failures a.k.a. not learning from his mistakes
evidently. This is NOT a list you should
be proud to be on.
15) One other thing on horse racing. Have a note to self for three Derby’s from
now. For what, you ask? That is the race where this still unnamed
foal will most likely be partaking in, and be 3 years old. The foal is the kid from Zenyatta and
Bernardini. Yikes. If that horse is slow, someone better ask
Zenyatta if she cheated on him and tricked us.
16) It amazes me still some of the shit I
pick up so late in life. Fact 1: I love
pizza. Fact 2: I love eggs.
Fact 3: I never tried them together.
Well, I have now at a restaurant in Palo Alto, and it was freaking
delicious. Book this one. Everytime I wake up on the weekend with pizza
leftovers in the fridge, I am just going to cook some sunny side up eggs (I
guess I will have to relearn how to do that part) and throw them on the pizza.
17) The Knicks stayed alive against the
Heat yesterday. They are proud inside
that locker room. I personally am just
glad alleged superstars Carmelo Anthony and Amare Stoudemire showed us they
have a pulse. I don’t know what you and
Amare think, Carmelo, but I personally don’t see a positive side when I see
that one of their players (James) outscored your ENTIRE team in the 4th
quarter of the game before your win. Not
good.
18) Hey, JR Smith. Nice dunk at the end of the game in the one
you lost and were down significantly. This
is a nice follow up to your between the legs shenanigans when you were down 30
previously in the series. Dude, do you
have ANY clue about ANYTHING?
19) Speaking of pulses, where the hell
did the Atlanta Hawks go? This was their
statement year. They lose when the
Celtics are missing Rondo, lose again at your crib, and then literally get
SMOKED in the last game. So….NEXT year
is the one, right? I won’t hold my
breath, ok?
20) Brad Kesolowski won this week’s
NASCAR event by getting a push by a teammate on his last pass. I don’t know how it works. All I know is that he is the car driver guy
who tweets a lot, and per Days of Thunder, that rubbing is racing.
21) .Yay.
Moneybags Albert Pujols FINALLY hit a home run.Congrats, bro. With this slow start, we can’t even joke
about whether you get a million PER home run as your pace is even off for that
joke.
22) The LA Kings swept the Blues this
weekend. Not only have they won eight
times in nine games in the playoffs, not only is this the farthest they have
been since the Gretzky ’93 team, but they are officially the first 8 seed to
knock out both the 1 and 2 seeds in the playoffs. I don’t think you have the goods to take the
teams left in the East, but impressive nevertheless.
23) Mike Shanahan has come forward and
told us that RGIII is his #1 QB. Did I
miss something during the draft, or does Shanahan just like to hear himself
state the obvious? Thanks, Mike. I can sleep better now with the confirmation
of that crazy fact you just gave me.
When we were commenting on the whole Kirk Cousins thing, it was merely
speculative for down the road. And
odd. No one was intimating there was a
QB controversy NOW.
24) The Orioles beat the Red Sox in 17
innings the other night. Your tidbit
about this game is this. This was the
first game since 1925 where BOTH final pitchers on the mound actually started
the game as POSITION players. Neat
stuff.
25) Why not, aye? Jets Offensive Coordinator Tony Sparano
proactively told the media this week that Tim Tebow really impresses him in
practice. Feed the fire, guys. I can’t wait until a couple games in, and you
and Rex are wishing you were far, far away from this Tebow situation.
26) The San Francisco Giants always seem
to have a problem scoring runs since old steroid boy retired/ got pushed out of
the game. Now, they lose Sandoval for
4-6 weeks. It must be an eerie feeling
going out to the mound if you are Matt Cain or Tim Lincecum and KNOWING already
that you better not allow more than 2 runs or so, because you sure as hell
ain’t scoring that many.
27) The tally for Notre Dame QB Rees was
four misdemeanors. Now, settle down,
dude. We are supposed to be keeping
track of things like touchdowns and yards, not things on your criminal record. But impressive stats, regardless, considering
we are not even in football season yet.
28) I was sad to hear that Beastie Boys MCA passed away this week. They never can be the same without him, but he left
this world knowing this. They changed
everything in the music world, and no one will sound like them or do the things
they accomplished again. It is better if
you are good of course, but I always say if you have your own distinct sound,
then you have succeeded in creating something quality in the music world. Beastie Boys DEFINITELY had their own sound. You also were one of the MAIN groups to help rap transcend to mainstream.
29) I kind of freaked the people out at
the bank the other day. I was taking my
piggy bank in to get some bills, and they asked me my guess after putting it
through their machine in the back room.
I said $64, and then they said to guess cents too. I said 26.
The total was $64.30, making me four cents off in my guessing. Wish I could apply THAT odd skill to something.
30) Tiger missed the cut at Wells
Fargo. Dude. I am not saying that you have to presto be
your old kick ass self, and I am still one of your remaining fans (it is
getting tough, bro-not going to lie), but can you at least freaking make the
CUT? You do know I work during the week,
right? How the hell can I peak in if you
can’t even make the weekend?
31) It is crazy what stuff some people
figure out. As I currently understand
it, you now have to SIGN for Sudafed in Colorado. I pretty much grew up on Sudafed. My mother still to this day tells me to take
some Sudafed if I sound sick on the phone.
Why do we have to sign for it?
Because evidently Sudafed is a popular ingredient in Crystal Meth out
here. Wow.
32) Another point on horse racing. I’ll Have Another was the first horse EVER to
win from the 19th spot. I
don’t know the relevance of that to really make a point here, but just thought
you should know. Tell your friends.
33) I LOVE the song in the background of
the new Bud commercial. It is a fast rap
laid over the classic Cult guitar riff we all know and love. I need to get my hands on the full version of
that if even exists.
34) LeBron James has decided to tell the
world that there is no asterisk on this strike shortened. Thanks, LeBron. Just getting ready for all of those naysayers
looking for something negative should you happen to take it this year? Why don’t you do this, buddy? Make statements like this AFTER you win the
thing. I really don’t care WHAT you
think of any asterisks on YOUR legacy until you actually HAVE something that is
able to be asterisked.
35) The Capitals/ Rangers series is a
really fun series to watch. High quality
also. If the Flyers go down, I am
thinking the winner of the Rangers and Caps series takes the whole thing,
barring them beating each other so much during the series that they aren’t
ready to go against the next team.
36) Jeff Gordon had the pole for the race
Kesolowski eventually won. This pole got
him another record in the books. This
was the 20th straight year that he has achieved at least one pole,
breaking a record previously held by the legendary David Pearson.
37) Rex Ryan has come out and said he is
ok with his son playing football after a concussion. Not saying you can’t do what you want with
your kids, but can you tone it down the week after we lost Junior Seau? Is it even POSSIBLE for you to tone it down? Probably not, huh.
38) Did Shaq get his doctorate this
week? If that is true, way to go,
Shaq. There will never be another you on
and off the court, and you seem to cross all the “t’s” and dot all the “I’s” in
your pretty damn good legacy.
39) I LOVE watching OKC’s James Harden
play basketball. He is a second teamer
that could start and be a star for any other team in the league, but he feeds
off his reserve role on OKC. He is
PERFECT for that team. He plays a little
old school in his efficiency, plays smart, and has all of the needed
skills. Thanks for playing the game like
it is meant to be played, James. He also
reminds me of my Golden Tee golfer in appearance.
40) In yet another story of my horrible
fear of bees and wasps, a couple walking down my street the other day got to
witness me trying to get in my door from the outside with a brave bee acting
like he also wanted to go in. I have no
control over my reactions when there is a bee nearby, and I also become an
Olympic sprinter suddenly. I am CRAZY
fast with that type of insect after me.
41) LA Clippers Eric Bledsoe stepped to
the line the other night with his team up one with only a few seconds
left. He clanked BOTH free throws to
give Memphis a shot at not only tying the game, but WINNING it. Bledsoe got lucky, and Gay missed the final
jump shot, but geez. Sad once again to
see a professional player not able to make simple free throws.
42) Kendrick Perkins had an injury the
other night in the game against Dallas.
Know this from the Fillerbuster. That
team is damn good with Durant, and Westbrook.
That team is freaking AWESOME WITH Perkins. He changes everything down low for opponents,
and to make the championship run, they will need him healthy.
43) I hate to do it, but dibs to the
Lakers. The Nuggets gave you all you
could handle Sunday night, but you were not to be denied. You can like or dislike Kobe, but damn, that
dude is freaking GOOD.
44) Warren Buffet has come out and said
he would allow women if he ran Augusta.
Uhh. Thanks for saying that, as
it looks good from someone of your stature.
That being said, I am pretty sure that that is the feeling of about 95%
of anyone outside that club, or at least it should be that high of a percentage. Sad to see this shit still goes on.
45) This absolutely SUCKS. I have been meaning to watch War Horse. I am on a 5 hour flight. The guy next to me is watching War Horse on
his iPad. I am fine with ALL of that. I
could look away, but one thing makes me steal glances over there. He has the closed captioning on, meaning I am
pretty much following what is going on because of those little words. Dammit.
Guess I will be watching this movie with the plot already out there.
46) Tidbit about Bryce Harper. He stole home against the Phillies the other
night. He is the first teenager since
1968 to successfully steal home. NOW,
you can sleep at night.
47) Well, the battery is getting low, and
the flight just got pretty turbulent. I
think these are signs to close up shop on this airplane rant. I have the luxury of flying into Baltimore at
120am with my hotel south of DC, so this is going to be a long night. Thanks for reading, hope you enjoyed, and I
will write one Thursday night. Peace.
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