I won't forget to blog. Promise.

Read it, don't read it, I don't care...just needed to get some things off my chest.


In no particular order of chronology or importance...


Talk about two great pre-rant songs I heard on the way home from work in my Jeep, Eleanor:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Nyjs19vMS1s
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U6hH2AqpnMI
Needless to say, I am ready to turn and burn.


1)  And the hits keep on coming.  Larry Bird took home the Executive of the Year award this week.  The Hick from French Lick is truly Larry Legend, and I think I will be pulling seriously for the Pacers in this series with Miami.  He is the first person ever to win MVP as a player, coach of the year, and executive of the year.  Nice job, Bird.  I know I was young when subconscious selection was going on in my head and I wasn't a dumb kid, but somehow I ended up with Isiah Thomas as my favorite player.  These days, I have to tell people he was my boy and end the statement by saying "AS A PLAYER ONLY."  Huh.  I say I wasn't a dumb kid, but I also remember running through possible names for a puppy and ended up with "Pepsi," so I guess that was a sign.  Moving on...


2)  Good news.  If there was a list of twenty people who should get off twitter IMMEDIATELY, we just checked one off the list.  I love his passion, I respect the wins, I know he has a championship, and I believe in his knowledge.  That being said, and I hope he doesn't retire as many times as a professional boxer, the world is a safer place with Ozzie Guillen off twitter.  He SAYS that today was his final tweet ever.  I have a feeling some of the shit he says is due to that huge liquor supply that is on the cabinets behind him in his office during interviews.


3)  "McNamee admits earlier lie about steroids."  That was off the wire.  To entertain yourself, don't watch the trial.  Just do what I am doing, and making a flowchart off each day's headline and see if I can figure out what the hell is going on in that seemingly undying story.  By the time this trial is done, we will actually WANT Favre to talk about coming out of retirement.


4)  YAY.  I was looking for him, looking for him, jonesing for him, and now I got him.  I am blogging with the solid matchup of Indiana and Miami going on in the background.  THAT is not what I am excited about.  Hubie Brown is announcing.  It is like I was watching a bad movie in bad reception, and now I have Instagrammed it AND have plugged in Robert DeNiro in as the actor.


4a)  I am aware I don't know all the things that my phone does, and don't care.  I JUST found out what Instagram was literally this past Sunday.  Whoops.  And I named my first dog "Pepsi."


5)  Brandon Marshall gets off the hook from striking a woman in the bar.  He is happy that he doesn't get arrested.  I am sad because my Rant Team needs new blood, and hitting someone in a bar qualifies. Metta, Mayweather, Janikowski, T.O, Marcus Vick, Ryan Leaf, and the rest of the squad love company.  You failed me, Brandon.


6)  The Los Angeles Kings are ripping through victims like no one in recent memory has done in the NHL playoffs.  Amazing story of a true team all playing together with no true superstars and the usual playoff story of a hot goalie can get you there.  Check out their playoff leaders.  Dustin Brown and Anze Kopifar. Yup.  Household names for sure.  Anyway, hey, Philly.  Don't you find it sad that you are sitting home right now having had home ice against the Devils, AND the two foundation players you traded over to L.A., Carter and Richards, are smoking people?  I know hindsight is 20-20, but it is not like they were even CLOSE to subpar when you dissed them.


7)  Josh Beckett reads this blog.  I rip him, and what does he do?  He goes out and throws 7 shutout innings the next time out.  Dude, I was just saying you are slacking.  I didn't say you didn't have all the tools to pitch like that every time.  Focus, and you are scary good.  It is that first part I think you are missing.


8)  They officially weathered the probation/ penalty storm, and now everyone can start being very afraid of them again.  USC already nabbed the top RB for the class of 2013.  I hope everyone had fun for a while having a chance each time out with them, because it is uphill from here out for opponents.


9)  For most of us at college parties it was pretty cool seeing our college sports stars out and about.  Some, I guess, don't view it that way.  I was sorry to see the story of the fatal shooting of Idaho WR Ken McRoyal at a party this week.  You could say why was he at a party when maybe he should be training?  He is in freaking college, and the bigger question is why the f%^& did a person have a gun at a party in Idaho?


10)  This sucks.  A guy gets a hole in one in golf AT a hole in one contest.  He is still waiting on his 18k.  Come on, people.  In the words of KGB, "Pay him.  Pay that man his money." http://www.businessweek.com/ap/2012-05/D9UPQEVO0.htm


11)  In the new series Falling Skies that has been hyped out, is anyone else going to (if I was actually going to watch one second of it) feel weird if an alien hurts someone and Noah Wyle doesn't start reviving or operating on the person?


12)  Rockies ownership has come out in the Denver Post and said they are not going to make any major moves and still feel like their squad is worthy of a run.  Why don't you guys go mill around the masses in Denver for a day or two?  Except for that magical run a few years ago, the last couple games have been like this.  Game 1.  "Let's go see the Rockies!"  Game 40.  "Let's go to the ballpark because we live in beautiful Colorado and we have a nice stadium.  Who are they playing by the way?"


13)  Michael Phelps has come out and said the London Olympic Games will be his last in a pool.  No jokes here.  We have had the luxury of watching perhaps the greatest swimmer of all time.  As a past swimmer who could hold my own, I will say this.  I am surprised he is competing in THESE games.  Swimming is hard to train for.  Trying to be the best is EXHAUSTING.  Burnout happens early, and I give him cred for being this good for this long.  I hope you go out in style, bro.


14)  Over the years, we have seen plenty of players hover around .400 for a while.  Some are head scratchers, others we give a mild shot.  That being said, and I am not predicting he will (pitching has changed SO much, and you are facing so many different pitchers in one single game), but IF someone had a shot, IF someone did, that person would be Josh Hamilton.  He has the skills, the talent, and the protection around him in the order.  Watch he goes into a slump over the weekend right after I punch "publish."  Anyway, he is hovering right around .399 presently.


15)  If you like elephants at all, or if you forget it you do or not (that was kind of a funny accidental joke), then check out this: http://delightmakers.com/news-bleat/wild-elephants-gather-inexplicably-mourn-death-of-elephant-whisperer/

16)  You see "Tim Hightower signs with the Skins."  I see "The guy who I will pick as my 5th running back for some odd reason each year maybe just because I read the article that says he is a sleeper or because I like his name or maybe I shouldn't have beers during fantasy drafts signs with the Skins."


17)  Get ready for a lot of "first player to" articles.  Nationals Bryce Harper became the youngest player since...(this would be a great trivia question) Adrian Beltre to hit a homer in the big leagues.  We are watching the beginning of a very special player, folks.  Enjoy it all.


18)  3 year old Hansen will NOT run in the Preakness.  I was discouraged to see that there were no music group jokes or replacement options such as Mm Bop.  One rant after I say that some headlines are clever, and I get nothing on this one.  Slackers.


19)  One of those huge trucks that Dennis Leary pimps for was parked on my street between two cars.  I am sure that maybe they pulled in on Sunday when people were in the mountains, but what if they actually parallel parked that bad boy?  With my obsession of watching people parallel park cars in general, I would have loved to see it if they did.  However it happened, and as close as the other cars were to them, I almost sat around waiting for them to try and leave without driving over the smaller cars.


20)  Did Nuggets Gallinari sit in a dark room watching that World Peace elbow with popcorn the night before game 7?  Dude looked like he saw a ghost when he went out there to play.  Gallo, here is the thing.  I played my share of street ball, and there you might have it in the back of your mind.  But YOU HAVE REFS, and you are on TV.  We are all watching, and refs are watching Metta more than anyone in the league.  Play your freaking game, and try to remember that your shooting stroke is sweeter than the made to be a back up Steve Blake, who torched you guys.


21)  When Blake Griffin gets hurt, and then tries to actually play, it is painful.  Dude is one of the best players in the NBA when he can jump his usual out of the gym.  When he is injured, it exposes his flaws in ugly fashion.  Right now, his game is about 70% athleticism.  He needs to bring that percentage down WHILE he is still this age, and he becomes downright scary.  I still like your weird Kia commercials though.  Not the one where you are dunking 70 feet up in the air.  I like the one with the deer and the one where he is in the house.


22)  VCU joins the A-10 next year for its sports.  They were the sweetheart of the tourney two years ago.  Well, I hope they are staying up on their recruiting, because getting IN the tourney is now going to be tougher.  Xavier, St. Louis, Temple, Richmond, Dayton, etc.?  Wheeewww.  I am not saying that the conference is on the level of a Big Six, but it will sure be as scary of at least one or two of the Big Six conferences (last year, that would have been a direct comment to the Pac-10).  Welcome, and good luck being that Cinderella again.  Hey, Kazansky, this is NOT a walk in the park next year.


23)  The Heat/ Pacers game 2 was painful to watch at the end.  At one point late in the 4th, the teams had missed their last 8 of 11 free throws.  AND, these were even the horrible foul shooters at the line.  Geez, guys.  This is playoff basketball.  If you want to be compared to the golden time of the NBA in the 60's or 80's, start playing like it, and make the shots when you are unguarded, and only fifteen away from a cylinder that is twice the size of the ball you are shooting.  Yeah, I can talk shit.  I have said this before.  I can go to a line from work, my home, or from a night at the bar, and still make 15-20.  I have backed up that bet.


23a) Bosh might be the weaker link stat-wise in the whole Big Three thing, but it is obvious to me that he is the most missed.  Weird.  If they are missing James or Wade, the healthy one just does what they used to have to do, TAKE OVER.  If Bosh is out, it is impossible for them to replace what he does for the other two-CREATE SPACE for them.


24)  So get this.  Wes Welker gets the franchise tag of $9.5 mil for one year, at an age and in a sport that he probably wants a long term contract.  Then, what does he do?  When asked about whether he would sit out for a contract, he says on national TV "No." I LOVE that you are a good guy and all, and I am glad it is not all about the money, but talk about ruining ALL leverage if you WERE to sit out any training camp.  Crazy.


25)  I love the cars with duct tape over a window that is broken.  I remember one year, me and Eleanor had a broken window.  I was lucky and it was the back on in a Cherokee, and it was summer.  I am not lazy, but just low maintenance of things that don't bug me.  I drove all three months over the summer with not only no window, but no duct tape.  I had a backwards convertible.


26)  LA Clippers.  Welcome to playoff basketball against someone who already HAS a few championships.  This is your learning year-trust me.  Make it six games against that experience and I will be impressed.  In game 1, odd that the younger team was getting KILLED by 2nd chance opportunities.  2nd chance opportunities are supposed to go to youth and explosiveness.  Welcome to the big time.  You will get a taste of what it takes to get to the promised land, because you don't have it yet.  Talk to Isiah and MJ.  They had to weather Larry and Magic before making the promised land.  


26a) AMAZING how every Spurs team is built each year.  They have their big three, and then each team is strategically filled with players that are castoffs, not given chances, considered washed up, drafted wisely, or who flop mightily.  They are winners any way you look at it.


27)  Sometimes I miss Philly.  Eagles coach Andy Reid has recommended Donovan McNabb to other teams, as it is reported McNabb is fitter, slimmer, and more nimble.  Dude, you couldn't even start him on your team in his heyday.  That damn Aesop fable with the kid and the wolf HAVE to apply somehow to this situation. I don't have the time to flowchart it-too much to say.


28)  Can every basketball fan just quickly cross their fingers right now for three seconds?  Let's hope the doctors are going high in their estimation that Derrick Rose will be out 8-12 months. Basketball needs him, and we as fans should want him back.


29)  Congrats to the 2012 college Hall of Fame class.  They all did something in the NFL, but were GREAT in college.  Ty Detmer, Steve Bartkowski, Tommy Kramer, Dave Casper, Art Monk, and others.  solid, solid class.  Great month for the Monks.  Kid gets drafted, and dad gets inducted.


30)  Kurt Busch was fined 50k for something he did at Darlington.  This is a sports blog.  I have no idea what he did, don't understand the sport except that Danica Patrick is kind of hot, am just reporting, and as usual, all I know is rubbing...is racing.


31)  Back to the Future hook.  Who are you, Kevin Garnett?  With the Heat struggling and the Bulls out, and having the seas parted for you guys, you are playing as possessed stat-wise as you always look on the floor.  You are scoring like you used to.  We all thought this might be your last run, but SOMEONE will want you on the floor with them next season.  Crazy thought.  Let's put HIM on the Knicks. Can you IMAGINE Carmelo not playing defense with GARNETT behind him?  As the announcer said in Rocky IV, someone better stop this fight, or someone might get killed.  I bet you Melo would get 2nd team All Defense the year that Garnett was playing behind him.  Where do you hide the flux capacitor, Kevin?


32) In case you were worried about any Duke basketball downfall, they quietly signed this week Amile Jefferson.  I am a loser, and follow high school basketball, so I know his name.  Depending on the ranking you read, he is ranked about #25 nationally, and is a polished PF.  Two great things about this for Coach K.  He can either have the kid learn from Plumlee and Kelly for a year behind them at the big spots, OR the kid is good enough to possibly start at the 3.  It would be weird seeing Duke as one of the bigger teams around, but you might see it. 


33)  Article I don't care about.  "FSU President outlines pros and cons of being in ACC."  We.  Don't.  Care.  The only reason I can think to write this is because of the absolutely mind boggling changing of conferences that has occurred in the last two years.  I can see him sending it out to everyone as a disclaimer/ recruiting tool.  Sweet.  Moving on.


34)  LOVE it.  An hour after writing that I was suddenly rooting for the Pacers and Larry Legend, they ended up SMOKING the Heat tonight.  Nice.


35)  How the f^&*, Kobe, did you blow a 75-68 lead with about 1:30 left?  If ANYTHING, I would think that you might not be able to handle them athletically, but with a lead like that, that experience would take over.  No excuse, and I would have to say OFFICIALLY, that this is the changing of the guard.  Well, kind of.  The Spurs will beat the Clippers, so at least SOMEONE from the old regime is standing up for themselves.


36)  I am easily entertained.  That being said, I think YOU should also be impressed by this.  I see arenas all the time with same color shirts.  I RARELY see an arena that has alternating color sections that...look...perfect with their free t-shirts.  Congrats, Oklahoma City.  Whatever system you devised, it was visually stimulating, especially since you are dealing with the masses.  I am intrigued.


37)  The Criminal Minds finale was ok.  I was very, very mildly satisfied with it.  Then, it came back from commercial after being in the kitchen, and found out it was TWO hours long.  WTF? I guess the one thing you did right was end the first hour of a finale with me thinking that was a pretty crazy ending.  There was no need to say more.  Keeping the mic in front of Iverson during the practice rant was GENIUS.  Keeping your show going was not.


38)  I drank in college.  Sure.  I did NOT ever do this.  Your only devil's advocate could be that UVA never contended in football after the 7th week of the season, but I still don't think I would do this.http://www.fox8live.com/story/18500711/alabama-man-indicted-on-sexual-battery-of-lsu-fan


39)  Drew Brees says that the talks with the Saints are frustrating.  Try reading all the articles about how idiotic the Saints are being every day.  Try THAT, Drew.


40)  I am kind of mad I don't bet anymore.  If there was ONE game I would have bet on this season, it would have been game 2 in the Devils/ Rangers series after Jersey got blanked 3-0 and people started whispering.  They have two cups in the last twenty years, and the best goalie of all time.  Did YOU think that they would lose game 2?  Come on.  What they lack on talent, they make up for in adjustments.


41)  This is a sign you live by yourself as a dude.  You go to heat up a piece of pizza from the earlier this week, and aren't sure whether the white spots on the pizza are parmesan cheese you put on, or fungus.


42)  Charles Barkley might make some funny comments that sometimes seem off, but there is a reason why he was the greatest under 6'6" rebounder of all time.  He knows his shit.  He called at halftime that OKC was simply making jump shots in the first half and that is why they were ahead.  In the second half, the Thunder missed on cue and the Lakers briefly took control of the game combined with the fact that Kendrick Perkins seems to always set moving picks.


43)  Did I just see a Dogs in the City commercial with Sex in the City background music?  Wow.  Officially we are out of ideas, and also beating a dead horse.  Pain.  Ful.


44)  He WAS wide open, Metta was inbounding, Steve Blake was wide open and hot the last game of the previous series, and they ARE all professionals, but I would take a covered Kobe Bryant over an open Steve Blake any day of the week, and I happen to like Blake and dislike Kobe.  See?  This blog is unbiased.


45)  Will each talking iPhone have its own name, or is the Samuel Jackson commercial worldwide, and its name is Syree (that's what is SOUNDS like-I am NOT looking it up)?


46)  The sky is blue, the grass is green, and sometimes you just get busted for something that you can't get out of.  Here we go:
-Brett Lawrie is ejected for throwing helmet at umpire
-Brett Lawrie is banned 4 games
-Brett Lawrie to appeal suspension
-Brett Lawrie drops suspension appeal
Dude, you threw a helmet at a ref.  Unless, you are pleading insanity like in the movies, I am pretty sure you are busted.


47)  Another article I don't need to open...at ALL.  Syracuse coach Bernie Fine's WIFE is suing ESPN. UUUUUUGGGGGHHHHHHHH........go away.  And stop marrying child abusers.


48)  Two more people that need to go away.  The person who broke into Junior Seau's doggie door and stole stuff from his garage after his suicide, AND Jonathan Vilma.  First one is an idiot, and the other one got entrapped to be the idiot that he was met to be.  Jonathan, take your penalty and we will see you in a year.


49)  Finally, a note to the Saints.  Saving a seat on the plane MIGHT seem noble to you.  It is not.  Nobody died, and I am assuming Sean had a first class/ front row seat.  You are wasting space for someone that you might miss, but who got busted for a not noble act. Stop trying to overwhelm us with sob stories, and let someone else sit in his seat.


50)  Nice round number, and nice hook to conclude things.  I know my mom gets tired of this saying, and that she doesn't understand that I unfortunately say it in real life, but as one shepherd said to the other shepherd, let's get the flock out of here.  Peace.  I will write again Monday night.