Read it, don't read it, I don't care...just needed to get some things off my chest.
In no particular order of chronology or importance...
In my ever going efforts to be the Porsche 911 (have you SEEN the new one? WOW) ummm...ok...start slow...the Jeremy Lin of blogs...
1) The Tennessee Titans evidently were asked about their interest in Peyton Manning. They apparently then said that they were happy with their QB's. First of all, I am relatively aware of most NFL rosters. I was asked the other day who Peyton might go to, and I admit the thought of that choice didn't even cross my mind. To my knowledge, they already have an old beat up veteran starting with a first round pick anxiously waiting his turn and backing him up. Confused. So who was thinking about Peyton leaving a very similar situation in Indy (with Luck) to go to the same situation in Tennessee. If you tell me teams like Seattle, Miami, Washington (are the Redskins ALWAYS on the "he might go to that team" lists?), I get it. Thanks for clarifying, Tennessee, and may the force be with you.
2) "Hello, I am possibly the player of the year for college basketball. My name is Jared Sullinger. If I happen to pull that off, maybe you can remove THIS video of me getting dunked on and getting a LITTLE too close to Kelsey Barlow's "special" place. I think it was a charge, anyway. Damn refs." http://www.brobible.com/videos/watch/purdues-kelsey-barlow-destroy-jared-sullinger By the way, while watching this game, I am going to say the announcer said at least 9 times "maybe Robbie Hummel shouldn't be the one SETTING the screens." It was a great point...the first 3 times.
3) I KNOW I mention him every week, but freaking WATCH him. Anthony Davis. Kind of like the modern day David Robinson story without the military aspect. In case you were curious to how a 7 footer got into the Naval Academy, it is because he grew AFTER he got to college. Similar thing with A.D. Kid was a GUARD. He grew like 10" in high school. WATCH him. Almost a 7 footer with a handle and a shot. Scary shit to anyone he is opposing on the floor. By the way, I LOVE the way Kentucky is playing and growing up right now. They have the talent level of Carolina, but with the fight and desire (more on them later). Anyway, IF UK is going down again, and I think they will, it is Saturday at Vandy. Don't know about you, but I will be shut off from the world during that game. Experienced, quality players vs. out of this world talent...but at Vandy's odd crib (elevated floor and great fans). I like it (I am pretending I am at home plate and pointing towards the fences). Book it.
4) The sky is blue, the grass is green, and SOMEONE was going to do something stupid at a post Super Bowl party. You KNEW it. Well, we weren't left unsatisfied. Rob Gronkowski, the one with the most famous ankle since Dwight Freeney, was caught partying it up at a club that night after his team's loss. I don't really need jokes on this as the video is funny enough, but I will say this. I don't see any teammates. I see like one chick. Observe. A high ankle sprain drunk: http://thebiglead.com/index.php/2012/02/07/rob-gronkowski-dancing-wildly-at-a-super-bowl-party-after-the-patriots-lost-to-the-giants-video/
5) I can't decide if I like athletes messing up cliches better or smart people. Jon Stewart has some Yale professor on as his interview while I am writing this, and the guy just said "some people aren't exactly the brightest knives in the drawer." Come on. Did you just combine two similar cliches AND mention that the people aren't very bright verbatim? Awesome, smart guy.
6) You know when you are good and totally the shit? When you let the commentators know that your favorite movie is The Notebook and you are a DUDE. No, Derrick Rose, I am not busting on you. Can't say the same for myself as far as the movie, but you can tell me you DVR Sex in the City, like shopping, and have all of Katy Perry's songs memorized and I won't mess with you. That MVP last year at YOUR age pretty much backs me off. As long as you don't go to the strip club and do something stupid or get busted for drug "trafficking," I am all good with you.
7) Clayton Kershaw got 2 years, $19 mil from the Dodgers. Way to go, LA. Evidently, you were asleep in the dugout most of the time when he was owning people, OR, you ARE as broke as you say you are, because that is chump change in my book for that arm, at his age, with his class.
8) Damn. I wish I was playing mad libs. When I saw that the Big Ten is exploring a four team playoff system, I was wishing it WAS indeed a mad lib. The (noun) is exploring a (number) team playoff system. Book me for the following: "BCS" and "Six." Number 1 and 2 in the BCS standings get a bye, 3 plays 6, 4 plays 5, then best seeded winner plays 2, worse seeded winner plays 1, then winner plays for it all. #7? You shouldn't have been there, guys, and IF you complain, we will just tell you that the old system would have dissed you too.
9) Warriors Monta Ellis is not really a role model. BUT. The dude can flat out score. I don't visualize him as being that quality team player. He is just a guy I can see not truly helping his team by ONLY leading his team in scoring. So, keeping with the mad lib theme for another take, I will say this. (NBA player) scores 48 and team still loses. Give me Monta Ellis. J.R Smith is still in China for a little more time, right? Latrell Sprewell is retired?
10) Pen's Malkin's spin penalty shot was pretty sick. Check out this spin move. http://bleacherreport.com/articles/1058264-evgeni-malkin-video-watch-penguins-stars-spin-o-rama-goal-on-carey-price
11) I am a bachelor. I live alone. I drop some stuff on the floor and there is no one to complain that I did it. Well, occasionally some ants find the stuff I drop in the kitchen. They deserve it. I messed up. However, this brings me to my point. I find it odd some remedies for some bugs. I am getting to how I stopped the ants, and I would have LOVED to met the person who figured it out. So, without further ado, I give you my three levels of insect repellents.
TIER OBVIOUS: Raid kills bees and wasps. Ok. No originality, but successful cure. Let's put a shit load of bad ass chemicals that we even have to warn humans about on the label, put it in a badass spray bottle, and then destroy some shit.
TIER I SEE HOW YOU FIGURED IT OUT, BUT STILL AN ODD SOLUTION: Skin So Soft repels mosquitoes. Ok. Some person who hated mosquitoes a lot and got bit a lot figured out that when they wore this lovely skin lotion, that they got bit less. Please tell me it was a chick who figured it out.
TIER WHAT????? Ants hate baby powder. I just don't see it. It works. The only thing I can figure out is that talking baby from the Smart Phone commercials did some long term recon to figure that out. To even GET a control group with ants would take some serious patience.
12) Bubble Boy take. Tiger has come out this week again saying that belly putters should be illegal. Hey, Tiger, I love you, man, but check this out. No one cares when you say shit like this until you are winning again. It would be SO cool if you had just won a tournament or two, and THEN complained about who you are beating and what equipment they use. By the way, it's MOOPS!!
13) Josh Hamilton is visiting MLB doctors. Good call, Josh. Even though this is your second mess-up since you became a hero of mine with your clean comeback, I like the way you have handled both incidents. This one was a lot less ugly than your picture filled, chick filled last one, but doing what you are doing is admitting guilt and vulnerability. We are rooting for you, we know it is a war, and come out clean and swinging this spring.
14) NBA All Star Reserves. Just some thoughts:
-Chris Bosh...whatever...I think he should drive NASCAR, because he is doing some serious drafting. Do I hear Days of Thunder II? Because rubbing's racing. Not lying. I think everything I know about NASCAR is literally from that movie. AND, I still like that movie. It is just Top Gun or Rocky in a racecar. That works for me. Plus, that actress in that movie is freaking HOT. So is that chick that dresses up in the police costume for that matter. HOT. And no one ruin for me whether that move he does at the end of the movie on the track is realistic or not. It is like not asking pilots whether you can really "hit the brakes, and he will fly right by" in an F-14 back in the day. ANYWAY.
-Roy Hibbert: glad to know what you didn't do in college you are actually doing in the pro's
-Andre Iguodala: NO one can figure out how the Sixers are good. It is like the Tampa Rays from like 5 years ago. You HAVE to get SOMEONE on there, right?
-Joe Johnson: should we just put him as a reserve EVERY year? THIS is the Curtis Martin of the NBA. We will debate his greatness years from now. Consistency without greatness.
-LaMarcus Aldridge: Dude. You are making old man Oden's injuries bearable to your team.
-Marc Gasol: TRUE sign that NBA coaches are advancing in their picks. Let's not nominate people from JUST past accomplishments. Good job.
-Dirk: Forget about my last statement. No votes should go for someone JUST because you finally won one. Weak season thus far.
15) Broncos RB Knowshon Moreno was busted for allegations of drinking and driving. He was going 70 in a construction 45 mph. There was snow on the ground ( I LIVE here), making it EXTRA hard to get pulled over (because...it is snowing and everyone is slipping and sliding). Oh, and your vanity license plate says "SAUCED." As Dennis Leary said, Knowshon, you got to have goals, right? Yours are not very lofty evidently. I was worried about the Broncos losing some firepower from their crazy pro option offense, but then my Bronco fan boss reminded me that it was a push, since he didn't really contribute anything anyway. Thanks for giving me ANOTHER example of "why don't pro athletes who make good money rent a limo driver on salary for the year to picks them whenever and wherever they need them to?"
16) On my list was to report on the new Van Halen release (what do we call it these days? album? cd? getting behind the times I am (hey, I just sounded like Yoda accidentally right there)). I haven't gotten it yet. My weekend entertainment is Safe House and listening to the new Van Halen release. I will, of course, do other things, but those things are my focus. Refer back to Dennis Leary comment to crack on myself.
17) Speaking of David Robinson, athletic magic, and absolute class, check this out. Like father, like son. http://sportsillustrated.cnn.com/2012/writers/the_bonus/02/07/corey.robinson/index.html
18) Carolina-Duke. Doesn't MATTER what they are ranked. Doesn't MATTER if one is rebuilding. Doesn't freaking matter. It is almost ALWAYS a great game. ALWAYS. I hate both of them being a UVA ACC guy. However, I will always stop my life to watch that game. Duke pulled it out. My, always random, thoughts on the game:
-1st half. You almost got the feeling that the stars were aligned. Carolina was doing it all inside. Tyler Zeller's NBA stock went up about as much as RGIII's while he is sleeping. 19 points in the first half. Duke was hitting three's. If Austin Rivers doesn't have the half he had and Duke missed a couple more shots, they would have already have been blown out
-1st half. Duke is getting about 1 offensive rebound to THREE for the Tar Heels. More signs of what is to come.
-I thought Duke foul trouble would give them more problems. I guess although we don't see them very often, both teams have 10th men who were McDonald's All Americans in their high school days.
-To me, Harrison Barnes moves and plays like a shorter Carmelo Anthony. Hear me out. His jab step, his fade away, his body, his handle. He is smart, too (previous statement was end of Melo comparison). He was a top student in high school, and his coolness showed at the end of the first half when he was the one staying out of the mix. Take notes, John Henson. You lost your cool a little bit in that first half.
-Scary that with the athletes they have, that the absolute most irreplaceable player on the Tar Heels is...Strickland. I think the kid should have more of a shot, but I would take him running my court show any day...and the Heels have NO ONE behind him.
-Not saying they can't survive and not be good without it, but the shooting of UNC still bothers me. I don't see them winning 6 straight games in March with that problem. Their first 3 ptr came with 15 minutes and change left...in the game. Against a HORRIBLE defensive team ranking wise.
-The glory of watching the game besides the actual game is listening to Dick Vitale. It is the only game where you can guarantee that he will talk about the teams playing about 90% of the time. You watch any other game in the country, and you just wait for the UNC or Duke reference every 5.4 minutes.
-Rivers won it, but I still think that type of gunner won't allow Duke to make a serious run. He just doesn't fit into that offense and Coach K mentality. Now, they have another problem. He IS good, but every time he thinks about NOT being a ball hog, he will remember that final shot. Rest in peace, Duke.
-I found it interesting that Miles Plumlee can run a 5 minute mile. Maybe Mason read that 5.0 on the stopwatch, moved the decimal point, and decided to have that as his free throw percentage.
-All of the fouls that were occurring when Duke was down by 10 made me think of Dean Smith's old strategy of fouling early, and making the team lose the lead by missing free throws. It worked, and in this case, Duke kind of tried it on UNC.
-I admit, when UNC was up by 10 with about 3 or 4 minutes to play, I thought it was done. Then, a couple things happened. The fire left UNC's eyes, which seems to happen often. Some calls did go Duke's way (what the hell did you SAY to the ref before halftime, Mike?). Also, on that note, reference Duke running multiple steps into a three pointer. When did they change the game to NBA rules? I missed something. And, Duke started hitting 3's again. The final thought reminded me of a few things. How many points would Pete Maravich averaged above his 44 pt plus average if there was a 3 point line, the comeback at Maryland in 2002 when Duke came back from 10 down with :59 to play, how Duke just makes me sick on how lucky they are, and how I am SO glad I have never turned off a blowout since Frank Reich came back to beat Houston in a AFC playoff game in 1992. Deep thoughts. Jack Handy.
-They allowed a good team from a legendary college program "to hang." Roy Williams should call a timeout with about 5 minutes left in every game and play "Eye of the Tiger" in the huddle without talking. They just lack fire, or have SERIOUS A.D.D. I will say this. He wasn't exactly splitting the atom or anything when he said this, but Austin Rivers called his shot. He told Dicky V before the game that "he WILL make an impact." Love him or hate him, he did.
-WHY was UNC going UNDER the ball screens when Duke started getting hot, AND even if they weren't hot, they are Duke?? They love the 3 ptr. You have owned the middle the whole game. GUARD. THE. THREE.
-Hey, Tyler Zeller. I know you are tall, and I know you are not used to guarding combo guards, but no hands up on Rivers on that final play? I learned that when I was 8. Come on.
-Doug Gottlieb cracks me up. He said UNC had no "lower intestinal fortitude." Classic. I would LOVE to go out for beers with that guy.
19) NYG Brandon Jacobs is not shy to talk. He DOES do and say some questionable to dumb stuff. However, he echoed everyone in the world's sentiments (think of a company meeting where someone ends up brilliant asking a question that everyone and their mother has been saying for months (just happened at my morning meeting today by the way)) when he said that Brady's biat...uhhh..woman should just shut up. Word to that, bro.
20) In his ongoing mission to passively get traded, Dwight Howard had 25 pts and 24 rebounds the other night. If you add up the rest of the five active players in 20-20 games, he is still 10 ahead. Wow, dude. I can't believe there was a debate about who was going to be the #1 pick years ago. How you doing, Emeka?
21) The Nuggets are an absolutely perfect example of team ball. I am not even a homer, but their basketball is fun, exciting, unselfish, smart, and the definition of how the game should be played. But. Them getting SMOKED at home by the Mavs without Gallinari? Sign that even though they are team oriented, Gallinari is pretty damn important. I don't know much about cars, but let's try this about players and their importance to their particular "car" (I just did a few random ones improv-those of you who know me know I could literally make the entire blog THIS take):
TRANSMISSION: Kobe Bryant
TIRES: Dwight Howard
GAS: LeBron James
STEERING WHEEL: Derrick Rose
HEADLIGHTS (at night): Danny Granger
GEAR SHIFT (in a manual transmission): Manu Ginobli
ENTIRE CAR: Steve Nash
MAG WHEELS: Monta Ellis
REAR VIEW MIRROR: Tayshawn Prince
LICENSE PLATE: Carmelo Prince (think a little on this. I have a point, and it is funny. Think of the importance of the plate, yet the insignificance. Trust me)
SPOILER: Ricky Rubio
CONVERTIBLE ROOF: John Wall
Ok. I could go on all day on this. Moving on.
21) Ricky Williams has told the Ravens he will retire. Thanks for letting us know, Ricky. I will try to remember your college brilliance, will remember you most for Ditka trading his entire roster/pulling the football version of Isiah Thomas for you, will always laugh at your love of pot, and to be honest, totally forgot you were even on the Ravens.
22) Prosecutors have denied the request for Sandusky to be let outdoors. Really? The guy is going to prison, I am sickened by what he did, but have a heart. Let him see the sun on his "house arrest." He is going to probably die in prison, or pull a Few Good Men and kill himself before he gets locked up. I say wait until all the neighborhood kids have gone safely to school, and let him come out and do whatever child molesters do in the sun.
23) Hello, Creighton basketball. Just letting you know. With all of the bitching you small schools do as far as NCAA Tourney rankings in your region for the Tourney, you can't exactly go out and lose to Evansville and expect to be respected. On a related side note, I just watched Murray State lose. Damn I was wrong. I said they would lose to Tennessee TECH, not Tennessee STATE. Flow chart with a map, please?
24) Interest in Oswalt? Locking up Elvis Andrus til 2014. More proof that the Texas Rangers and Mr. 7 No Hitters are NOT messing around. I like the move. Get your Kid Dynamite to stop boozing, and you are a threat to years to come, even with Mr. Pujols in your division. Nelson Cruz? 2 yrs, $16 mil? Nice, Nolan.
25) Article I didn't have to open to get the drift AND laugh. "Butterfinger stunt tweaks Pats' dropped pass." I just laughed again writing that. I STILL have not read the article.
26) Florida State is the #3 in the ACC! Florida State looks great! Florida State DESTROYS UNC! Florida State gets beat by Boston College. BOSTON COLLEGE? WHAT? And here I was all excited to have a round robin tournament with BC, GTech, and Wake to see who the worst ACC team was. Note to self, VA Tech, I have NO idea what is going on with you, but you CAN'T be THAT bad with that talent. WTF?
27) English soccer coach Fabio Capello quits. See? ANOTHER non World Cup soccer update. I think I am also supposed to mention that this causes concern for EURO 2012. There. You are updated. In other news, Brazil's players only have one name if they are good (even the US sucks on THIS. Cher? Madonna? Damn). Egypt has riots. The US underachieves. Done, and done.
28) If you don't know who LeBryan Nash is, as he is kind of hidden on a semi-ok team in the Big 12 (Oklahoma State), you will. Dude can BALL. This NBA draft will be the BEST in about 5 years. Easily.
29) Uhhh. When the Red Wings make the playoffs, you want to have home ice advantage on them for your series. Note to self, other NHL teams. 18 STRAIGHT at home? Maybe I think it is more awesome because me and my fraternity brother went to a game there during the Final Four a few years back. The place just FELT like hockey. It just breathed it. Great, knowledgeable, polite fans also.
30) Bob Cousy. Pete Maravich. Jason Williams. Ricky Rubio. They make basketball flashy. Kind of a downhill slide, aye? Good luck, Ricky. I am rooting for you.
31) I watched the 2.5 Men repeat where they did an homage to CSI-Miami in the same episode. Not saying it should be in the Hall of Fame of Comedy or anything, but it was pretty funny. 2.5 cracked on the outfits that the CSI people wore, and the kicker was this. The crime scene was in Charlie's bedroom. They had to pull out that fancy blacklight or whatever to find sperm residue. I almost rolled off my couch, and I have seen that show at least 3 times. The walls? Nice.
32) Here we go. (No, Wego, I don't need a beer. Stay on that raft in the pool). Eli wins another SB, and the Hall of Fame/ rank with his brother starts. First of all, I think he needs one more good playoff run to solidify his standing for the HOF (not WIN it, just a good run). Just don't think his stats support it, although he IS a stud. As far as his brother, come one. Peyton has a ring and the stats to support his standing. I will say this. Eli has ice in his veins. ICE. Dude just wins the big ones, and he comes across so innocent and unknowing.
33) Toronto Maple Leafs and Red Wings in Winter Classic next year. Like it. A lot. And I will "mark" it on my internal calendar (I LOVE puns). ANYTHING involving teams from the Original Six playing outside is very, very cool.
34) Jeremy Lin. Yay. I read an article about you before the season. You actually did NOT catch me by surprise. Let me see. With the talent and head cases you have on that roster, and their absolute NEED for a heady PG, I think you have found your niche. Toney Douglas. Not talented enough, and not a leader in the locker room enough to lead that big headed squad. Mike Bibby is still wishing it was the early 2000's for pro or late 90's for college. Baron Davis. Maybe some common sense is hidden in that hockey beard. Gilbert Arenas is pulling out guns in the locker room, and this Harvard grad is pulling out Mensa cards and the Wonderlic test as entertainment. Maybe he will bring in Zork (Google-I LOVED that game) too. Class act, talent, and plenty of people to pass to.
35) Shame to say it, and we don't have to discuss it now, but next year in the NFL. The Pats will be SICK with their draft picks, the Hoodie, Brady, Welker, a non dancing Gronkowski, etc. The Eagles CAN'T be this bad again. I won't talk about the Steelers because I am a homer. Then, we have Eli. Atlanta, if Tony has one more year left in him. The Ravens and Jets. Whatever. One defense will look as old as Greg Oden hypothetically or Tim Duncan in reality, and the other team has a QB has yet to deliver.
36) Paul Pierce taking over Larry Bird's spot in Boston scoring just. feels. weird. Think about this. If Magic Johnson didn't exist, Bird would have about 7 championships. Still pulled three. Paul, I love you, but I think you should try and score negative points to get back below Bird. It just is the right thing to do. Either that, or saddle up and win one more.
37) Another article I didn't open that made me chuckle. Tennis' Sanchez-Vicario says her rents lost $60 million in winnings. That just sucks. She was like the Karl Malone of tennis. If a certain one or two people didn't exist, she would be in the tennis Hall of Fame. But, unfortunately, they did. You are not. And, apparently, your parents spent your money. Whoops.
38) At another Super Bowl party, apparently (it was a commercial during Mike and Mike in the Morning-swear) Katy Perry approached that Christian QB from Denver and started putting on the moves. Tim, the class act we all think he is, evidently left the party shortly after. There HAS to be a joke there. HAS to be. Damn.
39) I will keep saying this. I will keep saying this. Tiger will win this week at Pebble Beach. He loves that place, plays well at it, and is due for people to take notice. Sooner or later, I have to be right.
40) Hey, Baylor bball. If you WANT to take charge of the Big 12 and take the throne from KU, you kind of need to defend your HOME court in a big game. NOT impressed. Go hang out with Tom Brady, as you both are BOTH off any of my good lists.
41) Oil Can Boyd has just informed us that he pitched while on cocaine. Great, Oil Can. This is JUST what the sport needed after semi-recovering from the whole roids era. Thanks.
42) The Lakers are retiring Shaq's jersey #. In a related story, they are also putting an aquarium in the lobby. Reach, people. Reach. You have to do some work, but that is funny.
43) For my long time readers, I have finally walked down the block and paid attention. The Channel 4 exit is at the end of the block is on a street that you HAVE to take a right to quickly get out of Cap Hill. It is a one way street if you go left. Therefore, to close this ongoing enigma, it is the night shift going to work, and not the van driver allowed to drive the Channel 4 van home.
44) That is it. Hope you enjoyed. It is the witching hour for me and lots of work to do tomorrow. As one shepherd said to the other, I am going to get the flock out of here. Talk to you Monday.
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