The CSI: Miami Paradigm Shift

Read it, don't read it, I don't care...just needed to get some things off my chest.


In no particular order of chronology or importance...




1)  If it is windy the next couple days here in the U.S., and the weatherman doesn't have an explanation, I will put you in the know.  It is because of someone's visit to the doctor today, and an entire city simultaneously breathing a collective sigh of relief.  It was determined that Derrick Rose's back spasms are not structural, and only muscular.  The sigh of relief might counter the holding of breath of the entire city of Pittsburgh about Sidney Crosby.  Rose is a necessity for the Bulls, and Crosby makes a good team great.  And.  Both scenarios not only involve a city's team success, but the luck of the entire fan nation of being able to watch two absolutely superior talents that have that green Fidelity line on the ground showing them how they are on the road to the Hall of Fame...if they stay healthy.


2)  If I seem distracted for the beginning of this rant, it is because I have Syracuse and Louisville on my tube.  Who is better?  Syracuse by far.  Who will win?  Most likely the Cuse.  However, this is the perfect storm for Louisville when we talk about tourney regional rankings.  They have the talent to do it if everyone plays their game, they are at home, they have similar amount of depth as the Cuse, and they need a "signature win."


3)  The Red Wings have now tied the all-time record for home wins. 20.  What I found odd is this.  Sunday they played the Flyers.  Who is one of the teams tied at 20 wins?  The 75-76 Flyers.  The team that has the record has the chance to personally stop another team from getting their record.  They didn't succeed.  Well, you had your shot.


4)  I hear Nick Diaz from the UFC got busted for drugs in his system after a fight and might face penalties.  The drug that was in his system was marijuana.  Ok.  I am not condoning using an illegal drug, but I will say this.  Let him get busted the old fashioned way.  Who cares if he had marijuana in his blood stream?  That particular drug is not going to help his athletic performance in that sport.  Sure, it is frowned upon, but if you are testing for drugs that might give unfair advantages, I am pretty sure that he was clean for that.  Give the guy some money for Taco Bell, and send him on his way.


5)  Duke has had some REALLY goofy basketball players over the years.  They all can ball, are smart kids, and just have that sometimes goofy Duke look.  That being said, I am pretty sure that if Ryan Kelly is not #1 of all time, that he is definitely in the top 3.  They always have kids who the first thing you think about when you see them, is that they MUST have heart and fight, because they probably got their ass KICKED on the street courts before people realized they could actually play.  https://www.google.com/#hl=en&rlz=1C2SKPL_enUS402&sclient=psy-ab&q=ryan+kelly+duke+photos&pbx=1&oq=ryan+kelly+duke+photos&aq=f&aqi=q-bA2&aql=&gs_sm=3&gs_upl=2322l7234l0l7442l24l15l1l4l4l0l623l2042l3.4.1.1.0.1l15l0&bav=on.2,or.r_gc.r_pw.r_cp.r_qf.,cf.osb&fp=12915d1a2a85fa97&biw=1440&bih=799


6)  Win or lose, if there was one person from the Bama-LSU game who SHOULDN'T be talking after the games, it is Jordan Jefferson.  Dude gets arrested for simple battery before the season, gets back into the starting lineup, gets to the championship, loses, and now is complaining about the "offensive game plan" of LSU against Bama.  Dude, shut up.  Seriously.  You got beat, and you were lucky to be playing in that game.  Can't wait to see your Wonderlic score.  Anyway, the funniest part of the story was this.  He said these asinine comments the SAME day as his court date to plead for that very battery charge.


7)  I had a perfect Friday evening.  Not only did I get to check out most of the Knicks game featuring the phenomenon that is Jeremy Lin, but Hubie Brown was the announcer.  Double awesomeness.  To see the Harvard kid play and be dissected by the best basketball announcer in the business was pure heaven.  By the way, the kid is legit.  Love his game.  He has all the fundamentals, is deceptively quick with the ball, has ups, has smarts, and is fitting in perfectly.  Speaking of the Wonderlic, Melo informed the media today that he and Lin can co-exist.  Thanks, Melo.  I was losing sleep about this.  I HOPE you can exist with a PG who can do everything and has a head on his shoulders.  True, you are more about controlling more of the ball and screens.  True, Lin and that offense have been excelling with more ball movement rather than screens.  But, it is still basketball.  You and him will be fine.  If anything, I am worried more about YOU jacking up this new found success.


8)  Joe Theismann.  You were the man.  You are the victim in one of the most famous injury videos of all time.  Yes, you are getting older.  That being said, I hope you are getting paid a shitload for your new commercials.  I don't think you need to sink to talking about how many times you have to go to bathroom a day.  Come on, bro.  


9)  The grass is green, the sky is blue, and a receiver wants to be paid more money.  In this case, he has a point.  Pulling I am sure his best Jerry McGuire reference pitch to his bosses and the media, Victor Cruz has basically said "Show me the money."  I love that movie, but I would have pulled out a Rounders reference in Rickey Henderson style (speaking in the third person).  "Pay him.  Pay that man his money."


10)  So you might not watch golf.  Fine.  Think of this as a hypothetical then.  Reach.  Think outside the box.  Every year when I watch that Pro-Am, I want to fly there directly, buy some clubs, and play that absolutely beautiful course.  That shoreline is incredible.  That course is the closest thing you will get to the unrealistic Golden Tee courses.  About the tourney.  Tiger once again played 3 decent rounds, and then remembered too late they count Sunday in the scoring also...pretty much opposite that we used to view Tiger.  He OWNED Sunday.  It is now 23 starts between wins.  That is a lot.  Your swing is better, Tiger.  It is.  1) your mind and 2) the fear from the other players is absent.  Lefty?  Congrats, bro.  Not only did you win, but you did it right in FRONT of Tiger, since you were paired with him.  Years ago, you were the "golfer who hadn't won a major who had a freaking incredibly hot wife."  Now, you got a few majors, are not going away yet evidently, and still have that hot wife.  Nice life you are living.  


11)  Interesting point about Phil Mickelson.  He is nicknamed "Lefty," yet he does everything BUT golf with his right hand.  Reason?  When he learned to play golf from his dad, his dad stood in front of him.  Therefore, to mirror everything his dad did, he did it left-handed.  I think that is an interesting fact.  You might not.  Moving on.


12)  Harvard is going to be good this year!  Harvard is ranked in the top 25!  Harvard is for real!  Harvard lost this weekend to Princeton.  Come on.  True, they will still win the Ivy League and make the tourney, and they ARE pretty good, but if there was a game to show the rest of the nation that you are better than a typical Ivy League bball team, you didn't exactly make a statement Saturday.


13)  Another thing about the whole Jeremy Linn thing.  Actually two things.  Because he is the premier attraction for Asian American fans, he will now pack arenas all over the nation because of them coming to see him play.  Also, check this out.  Everyone has been calling this movement "Linsanity."  Great name I think, and I hear Vince Carter isn't even mad about it.  That being said, it would appear that going out and getting the rights to Linsanity.com would be the smart thing to do, right?  Well.  Someone beat us to the punch on that one...years ago.  Linn's high school coach started that site years ago after he left for school.  Wow.  Not that starting a website is exactly splitting the atom these days, but that was just SMART.


14)  I make a joke about how I have a tapeworm.  I eat a LOT.  Pretty much every hour or so.  Anyway, I saw a co-worker at the grocery store this weekend.  They had a basket.  I had a cart that was overflowing.  They commented in line that they didn't know I had a family.  "How many kids do you have?"  Uhhh.  I go shopping every two weeks, and there is no family in my tiny apartment.  Too funny.  I would be a HORRIBLE homeless person.


15)  Cool story.  Shortly after the Super Bowl, tough guy Giants Justin Tuck went to visit the local NY cop who got shot in the head and survived.  Very, very cool, Justin.  Check it out.  http://sports.yahoo.com/blogs/nfl-shutdown-corner/justin-tuck-visits-york-city-cop-survived-gunshot-215003562.html


16)  US women's soccer player will evidently be dressed in body paint in the new Sport Illustrated swimsuit issue.  I Googled you, Alex.  Ok, Sport Illustrated.  I am curious.  You might have one more buyer if it is not online or I network and none of my friends has it.  This is like the 6 beers at a bar, reading a magazine reference.


17)  Syracuse won the game against Louisville by 1 point.  Peyton Siva is sometimes feast or famine.  He drives it SO successfully, that sometimes the difference between a great layup or pass and turnover is VERY small.  Final play, down 1, he got in too deep.  Turnover.  You can't fault the guy.  Without him, no chance.  With him, they have one.  


18)  I want to meet Ashley Judd.  She is the ultimate celebrity basketball fan.  Sure, Jack, you and Spike Lee are in the mix, and maybe it is just because of the fact that she is an attractive female, but she is EVERYWHERE for the Wildcats games.  She was at Vandy.  She isn't JUST attending.  The cameras NEVER catch her talking to someone.  She goes solo, and feels every moment of the game.  Not sure when the hell she shoots movies, but got to her respect her loyalty.


19)  In Jared Sullinger's quest to become player of the year in college basketball, he posted a triple double this weekend.  What's that?  He did WHAT?  Oh.  His triple double included TEN turnovers.  Whoops.  Once again, I like Ohio State a lot.  If Aaron Craft is not shooting above his average, and Jared Sullinger is not himself or in foul trouble, they become VERY beatable.  They lost to Michigan State though.  Not a bad loss.  We are in February.  We are about ten days from the point where NO ONE wants any part of the annually underachieving team that is Tom Izzo's team.


20)  ESPN had some serious problems on Saturday with simple technology stuff.  During the OSU/ MICH ST game, the audio went in and out.  Then, during the Vandy/ UK game, they had visual AND audio problems.  Clean up your act.  There ARE people like me who watch all of the college basketball games on Saturday.  That IS a life.  Swear.


21)  In your usual "it is not the World Cup or college soccer take," Rooney had 2 goals to lift Man U over Liverpool.  Reported?  Check.  Joke?  No.  Moving on?  Yes.


22)  In my "I almost rolled off my couch in the middle of the day" take, the Hoodie played the Pebble Beach tournament this weekend.  His attire.  Seriously.  A sweatshirt with...a hood.  Wow.  Talk about future candidates for The Truman Show II...(nah, Floyd Mayweather still HAS to be in the lead for this.  HAS to)


23)  Red Box has two purposes
1) getting recent movies for one dollar
2) not feeling as bad for renting movies like the new Planet of the Apes movie.  Wow.  That thing was horrible.  Sure, great effects.  In all honesty, pretty impressed with all of the fake monkeys and the realism.  That being said, the body of work made me have a paradigm shift.  On this note, I got through it for two reasons 1) if you are watching a bad movie, FINISH it.  It is two hours of your life, and at least you will have FULL bitching rights, since you sat through the whole thing.  2)  CSI Miami paradigm shift.  After 40 minutes, and knowing how bad it was going to be, I switched to CSI: Miami mode.  By that, I mean this.  When I was coerced (by my ex, in "quality time") into watching that horrible show, I enjoyed it much more AFTER I realized I should stop watching it as a drama. I watch it in the frame of mind of watching a comedy.  It helped SO much.  Anyway, I went into CSI: Miami mode, and laughed and enjoyed the trainwreck that was the Planet of the Apes.  Here is what I mean by CSI: Miami mode.  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_sarYH0z948  And.  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mznsEcZlM2I


24)  I did not open this article.  I am pretty sure, however, that this guy will be on the wire when I have a bedpan 50 years from now.  Jose Canseco has joined the Mexican League as a player.  Guy must have NO free time.


25)  In the Bulls almost comeback against the Celtics, did you notice Rajon Rondo's line?  32-10-15.  Pretty impressive, dude.  God forbid if you had a jumper.  You are the sinister, badass, Jacque Vaughn or Jamal Tinsley.


26)  I have identified my biggest mysteries as we approach the NBA trade deadline.  Here they are.
-Dwight Howard.  Will he wait for the team to go to Brooklyn and a possible new beginning, or will he go to a pretty good team and totally change the balance of power in the NBA?
-Gilbert Arenas.  As much of an idiot as we know he is, know this.  Dude is in his prime years, and can seriously ball.  Don't laugh at the Lakers trying him out.  If I was running a team, I would check him out too.
-Steve Nash.  Does this class act stay with a downward organization, or do you let someone who is almost there enjoy his magical bball skills?


27)  In one hour and 15 minutes, I heard the Eye of the Tiger, watched a Knocked Up clip, dissected a Stephen Colbert quote, watched a Collateral movie clip (Cruise, Foxx), heard a maybe on purpose or on accidental Seinfeld reference (Serenity Now), and talked about Babe Ruth.  Where was I?  Church.  Pathways just simply rocks.  Here is their site:  http://pathwayschurch.org/


28)  Sad that Ron Artest is just playing basketball, mad that Sebastian Janikowski is staying in on weekends, bothered that Marcus Vick doesn't walk through fast food restaurant parking lots as much as he should, and confused by Owens silence, Randy Moss has announced that he will be back in the NFL.  Keep it real, bro.  Slow time for my special team for sure.  Thanks for getting our team's back.


29)  When Kesha (I just call her dollar sign) says in that irritating song "unless he looks like Mick Jagger,"  what does she mean?  First of all, he is pretty old.  Is she being sarcastic?  Plus, even when he was younger, I personally would not classify him as an attractive guy.  Confused.


30)  Thoughts and prayers to Whitney Houston.  When you were not past your prime and all drugged up, you were truly one of the best singers to ever grace our presence.  You also at the time set the bar for how the Star Spangled Banner should be sung (so did you Carl Lewis).  I played a few songs by you in my established hangout this weekend.  I almost played Bobby Brown, but I didn't.  However, if I did make that leap, it would have been my prerogative as you know.  In addition to your musical accomplishments, you are the only person who can say this.  You actually gave Kevin Costner a non-sports hit movie after 1990.  That takes talent.


31)  Bracket Buster games gone astray.  Murray State loses to Tennessee State, no slouch themselves.  St. Mary's loses to their Darth Vader of the conference, Gonzaga.  Both of these events both kind of take the luster off of the upcoming St. Mary's/ Murray State game.  DAMN.  Now, they are not playing for regional rankings, they are playing for survival.  Side note.  In other mid-major news, Creighton lost a shocker to Wichita State (that is funny by the way-look it up).  Guys, you went from a team that was a top 15 team to someone who might need to also do it the old-fashioned way...winning your conference tournament.


32)  I think that the next week or two is going to be the most interesting non-football playing week or two of the year.  You can follow the story wherever you want.  You STILL are just as curious as the rest of us of how this whole Colts/ Manning/ Luck thing pans out.  Talk about a decision of a sports franchise that could TOTALLY change things for years to come.


33)  As predicted here before the season, the Bulls and Thunder are the best teams in the league record wise.  Thursday the Kings beat the Thunder though.  I hadn't drank at all that night, but I did have a moment of confusion when I saw that score.  


34)  The Switch is one of the best Seinfeld episodes ever.  It was on tonight when I got home.  Classic.  If you recall, it is when Jerry is dating a girl who doesn't laugh at all, then meets her roommate.  I personally get sick inside if you have not caught this episode and will make you find it on your own, but will remind you of my all time rankings of the greatest show ever on TV.  This began as a quick 10 minute project, turned into 3.5 hours, and I still stand by my picks.  If you are curious, I attempted to simply pick a top ten.  You see that this initiative did not allow me to create a top ten.  Luckily, the magical phrase "honorable mention" was created.  The list is in my old posts, so I will make you search for it.  "The Code" came in at #1 by the way.  "No, it was the volume, man"  "BOSCO!"




35)  UK beat Vandy, barely.  It was a great game.  I like it when a team's forte wins the game for them.  In this game, it was UK's shot blocking.  Vandy could not get a sniff inside.  A.D., in my opinion, nudged ahead of Thomas Robinson for player of the year in this game.  He is not averaging 18 and 12, but his shot blocking isn't just stats.  It is timing too.  He does it at the RIGHT time (hear me, UNC?).  Kid is truly a game changer.  My vote, which only exists in my head currently, is with him for this week.  UK could break the all time record in blocked shots for a team.  Don't look it up.  It doesn't seem as impressive as it actually is, as this record is held by the UCONN team from just a few years ago.


36)  OK.  I am officially off the Baylor bandwagon.  I was concerned by their PG play at the beginning of the season.  Now, I am just confused how the hell they have lost NINE straight games against top 100 teams.  Six straight in March?  I think not.  (side note.  I am not looking it up, as I am on the reread, but they beat Iowa State tonight.  Transfer U could be in the top 100)


37)  Tonight is a HUGE night in the sports world.  Tomorrow, too.  The Westminster Dog Show is held these two nights.  It has the irrelevance of not being a mainstream sport,  no humans without racing, and still somehow outranks the ESPN spelling bee for some reason with me.  Will I watch it?  No.  Will I Google the winning dog tomorrow night?  ....yes.


38)  Two good things happened in Maryland this weekend.  They still have a football program, and they pulled the local 5 star WR recruit (from Maryland-he must like his family a lot).  The problem about being a receiver is you need someone to throw it to you.  Who the HELL is going to throw to that guy? 


39)  Florida bball is back!  They are making some noise!  They will be dangerous in the tourney!  Then, what happens?  Tennessee goes INTO Florida and beats them 75-70.  Reality check, four guard lineup.


40)  Coaching observations.  Fouls.  I LOVE Tony Bennett from my school, UVA (could be just because of the last 3-4 coaches though).  I hate Calipari, UK's coach.  Calipari puts in his veteran, Darius Miller, who has 4 fouls, with 13 minutes left in game.  He wins.  UVA takes Mike Scott (pretty much their only offense-what offense does UVA run?  The Mike Scott offense) out with 2 fouls with 10 minutes left in the first half with the lead at UNC's crib.  They lose the lead.  He picks up his THIRD early in the second half.  He takes him out again, to make sure he has him at the end of the game.  Good news?  Scott didn't foul out.  Bad news.  They lost by 18 points.  You are given 5 fouls.  Scott is a necessity AND a pretty smart kid.  Use the fouls, Tony.


41)  Rob Gronkowski plays hurt in the Super Bowl with a high ankle sprain, gets busted at a late night party dancing his ass off, and now officially has gone under the knife.  YOU do the math.


42)  UCONN bball wins the championship last year after a .500 year in the Big East.  They are losing Drummond, and Boatright will probably go just because of his NCAA problems.  They better make some noise this year, because most people forget that they can't be in the 2013 tourney.  It will be weird without them in it.  Better live it up this year, guys.  Make sure you just don't go to the NIT and win THAT tourney.


43)  I remember when the Davis Cup in tennis actually meant something.  There was a lot of pride there.  Now, it is pretty much off the radar.  Still, surprising that Isner beats Federer and then the rest of the team SWEEPS the powerful Swiss.  No one cares, me included kind of surprisingly, but still impressive.  I would say this gives hope for US tennis, but we are about 15 years past that plan.


44)  Sign I am slightly behind the times.  I couldn't afford Widespread Panic tickets.  I was home for the most part.  What I did NOT check was technology.  I didn't figure out until Sunday that there was a free stream on the internet of the show.  I caught Sunday and my favorite song in the world.  Could have caught Friday and Saturday also.  But I didn't know.  I can rationalize anything.  I HAVE to with my life.  Anyway, good news is that I know what I am doing this weekend.  Listening to the Aspen shows at the $500 a ticket Belly Up shows.  Free.  Cool note.  I won't go and tell you how unbelievable this band is. I will just say this.  They are known as a "jam band."  Yet, they have the bravery to do an all acoustic tour.  They are touring in a way that counteracts what actually made them the only live band in the top 100 that has NEVER had a top 100 single.  Ever.  Brilliance.  I pray they NEVER become mainstream.  Best kept secret in music.


45)  Soccer take #2.  There was another riot.  Argentina.  I am still excited about my 2014 World Cup visit.  I am 50% hoping there is not a riot, and 50% hoping there is.  Would be a cool way to go.


46)  In more super conference news, the Mountain West and Conference USA are about to team up and form a new conference.  This is the sports version of Planet of the Apes or ANY CSI: Miami episode.  Just tell me when it is over, and how it ends.


47)  Oddity.  Giants Buster Posey is returning healthy this year.  Great.  Still confused how this was the main story on CNNSI for a day and a half, but thanks for the info.  He is pretty good.  I get it.


48)  I hear the Yankees are thinking about trading AJ Burnett.  Admitting you might have made a big money mistake?  Wow.  As Bill Murray said, baby steps.  Not quite as monumental as the Colts possibly getting rid of Peyton Manning, but still...wow.


49)  ND women lose to WVA.  Not the worst loss as WVA is pretty decent, but not exactly instilling fear in the rest of the college bball world in a year where the classic contenders are not exactly 2000 Tiger Woods (see UCONN and UT).


50)  Tale of Two Receivers.  Donald Driver will take a pay cut to stay with team.  Hines Ward will do the same.  The leader in the clubhouse, per the media, to stay is Driver.  That being said, we are talking about the Rooneys and the Steelers.  I don't care what the media says in the meantime, and I don't care what young talent both squads have.  I think both of these class guys and these class organizations find a way to keep both.  I wouldn't bet the house on it, but I bet you both receivers are on their respective teams come September.


51)  Just like the joke I couldn't find the joke in Larry the Cable Guy's Prilosec commercial, I can't quite place one here either.  Kevin Youkilis is engaged to Tom Brady's sister.  DAMN.  Where is it?  Sorry.  Just can't find it.


52)  Kobe Bryant hit a go-ahead jumper in the final seconds against the Raptors.  Then, the Raptors get busted for a 5 second inbound call.  How in the hell do you get busted for this call when you are inbounding from half-court?  Two worse rules in bball.  Alternate possession rule in college bball when there is a tie-up, and the half court inbounds after a basket and timeout in the NBA.  Fix this shit, guys.


53)  The grass is green, the sky is blue, Brandon Jennings has a solid start to a season, and he wants a bigger market team to play on.  He does HAVE that personality.  Kid, keep your mouth shut.  Keep playing your ass for another season or two, and THEN complain like everyone else in your profession.


54)  Article I did not NEED to open.  I guess this is the hockey version of Sandusky.  "Ukrainian hockey coach in sex case found dead."  Watch Sandusky, guys.  You might be able to copy and paste his name in that headline in another month or two.


55)  Both Pacquiao and Mayweather have fights in May and June.  Problem is this.  They are not against each other.  Damn you, boxing. This is your chance to reclaim your glory.  Floyd, The Truman Show II is not happening THAT fast.  Stop getting thrown in jail.


56)  HUGE news in college football.  They are going to move to a BCS playoff.  Just kidding.  They aren't.  They are debating moving the kickoff from the 30 yard line to the 35 yard line.  Come on.  I am here for jokes and to update you.  Tell your friends.


57)  Finally, an NFL player has made news that we see each week. College USC stud Maualuga was charged with assault in Ohio this weekend.  Two more busts, and we can interview you for our team.  Once again, in case you don't know the ground rules, Marcus Vick will come and pick you up after you call me after the third bust.  First interview is with Sebastian.  Stay focused.


58)  I am on pace for a record month for blog hits.  I beg you.  If you like reading this, pass the link to 5 people this week.  I am making progress.  Truly.  Thanks for your support.


59)  That is it.  As one shepherd said to the other, I am going to get the flock out of here.  I wish I was wearing sunglasses.  If I was, I would have taken them off as I was writing those words.  Talk to you Thursday.



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