Read if, don't read it, I don't care...just needed to get some things off my chest.
In no particular order of chronology or importance...
Holiday threw me off a day, but not like I don't have things to say since Tuesday night.
1) Open another browser. Seriously. Got it open? First of all, let's start with this. If you haven't seen the Rudy Fernandez to Kenneth Faried dunk from Wednesday, go watch it. Dum dum dum...(checking watch)...Okay. You're back? Fancy, aye? I don't know what was better-the actual dunk or the pass to him. Wow.
2) The town of Denver wants all of its citizens to wear orange on January 6th. That is awesome, just as long as their "orange" day doesn't translate as bad as Clemson's "orange" day. They were physically there and I have been told there bodies were warm, but what was the score? 70-33. Talk about a bad taste in your mouth for offseason. I had a vicious follow up joke, but, once again, my mom reads this...
3) Temple basketball takes down Duke. It sounds like you are a struggling team when your only claim to fame recently is that you have beaten at least one top 10 team in each of the last three years. That being said, they did it. It still amazes me how close the score was with how hot Temple was down the stretch though. Temple was running "play one," as we called it in fraternity days, except that a couple different guys were doing it. It is scary to see when an entire TEAM is in the zone. Play One is coming down and shooting the three...immediately. It worked against everyone else except the law school. Temple did it MANY times in the last few minutes. However they won, and it raises serious questions about Duke. Austin Rivers does not run Duke-like plays and dribbles too much. Duke allowed way more than their usual amount of offensive rebounds against an average team. On that same theme, when facing a more athletic team, Duke can't on-the-ball defend. They can't, and better teams are going to eat them up if something doesn't change. One more thing about the game. Did Temple purposely hire years ago a John Chaney replacement that was coincidentally in the...uhhh...same ballpark as John...for...physical looks?
4) Has anyone seen Mehmet Okur, or at least the one from literally a year or two ago? He is lucky enough to get traded to the team with the point guard who gave him a good standing, and he is averaging about 7 pts and 5 rebounds. Dude, have you forgotten how tall you are and washed away all of the memories of how decent you used to be? Your physical skills have aged quicker than Greg Oden facially aged in high school. Nah. That is pushing it.
5) Those commercials with the pig "weeee weeee weeee'ing" REALLY irritate me. No way around it.
6) Jeff Fisher is like the hottest chick from a subpar sorority mixer. EVERYONE is courting him. The hot tickets aren't interested in coaching next year, and the up and comers are either taken or not proven yet.
7) In your typical "maybe they aren't a bust, maybe they just need a fresh chance on a different team," there was a three team trade involving Xavier Henry and Marreese Speights. Somehow I think that those two 2nd round picks the Sixers got might be worth more than those two "I think I am ready for the NBA already so I will leave a couple years early" kids.
8) Manu Ginobili will have surgery on his broken hand. I thought the old, injury prone theory would at least be a myth for the Spurs for at least 20 or so games. Not. Good.
9) PLEASE check out that Tim Howard goal in his team's loss the other day. By the way, for those who don't follow any soccer, the reason this request to watch it is odd is because Mr. Howard is a freaking goalie.
10) I wonder if during the NBA lockout negotiations if anyone...ANYONE...from the players' side casually complained on how small their seats are on the sidelines. I wonder if some teams take coach on the way to the next city just to keep them in the same frame of mind. Tight quarters.
11) That freaking pig commercial was just on. Painful.
12) Ahh. Good old Philly fans. Leave it to them to mess up the glory that was the Winter Classic. After the game, a couple of them jumped a Rangers fan, a military guy to make it worse, gave him a beating big enough to send him to the hospital, and then ran off. Losers. It is just a GAME, people. The only redeeming factor of the story is that the idiots bragged about the attack on Facebook in the Broad Street group. Nice work, Einsteins. Not exactly splitting the atom over there, are you?
13) What a year for college sports. We get extra special college basketball this year because about 5 of the 10 best players come back to school, making the pecking order of the top teams VERY quality, and VERY tight. Now in football, a couple weeks after Matt Barkley and others come back for a freshly off probation USC team, we find out that Montee Ball and Landry Jones are returning also. Wow. Awesome for college football, whether you like their teams or not. Ball? If any running back SHOULD chance it and come back, it is a Wisconsin running back...pretty much any year you pick. That offensive line is a serious luxury. Jones? Why wouldn't he? From a team perspective, your cupboard is never bare there, and you were pretty damn close this year. From a money perspective, you have a solidifed #1 in Luck, with Griffin FLYING up the draft board. Why not come back and possibly nail down a top 3 pick?
14) The Chargers keep everything from this year, but lay down the law on their defensive coordinator. Way to show us that you are serious about making changes, but I don't know that getting rid of the leader of a #16 ranked defense that had to be on the field quite a bit is the answer.
15) I need to visit Boise. Seriously. What the hell is there? It is official. Petersen is staying put for another 5 years for Boise State football. If there was ever a time to jump at something, this was the year. Either that, or you know something about your next QB that we all don't know. Loses Kellen Moore and stays. Wow.
16) Joe Torre, my prediction for next baseball commissioner, has rolled out to LA. Apparently, he is going to get involved with the buying group for the Dodgers. I know we only know 40% of what the media reports, but this is odd to me...or, it is just all about the money, and commissioners don't make as much as I thought they did...
17) I don't like the new Sportscenter guy's voice. His name is Jorge Andres. However, he can do soccer highlights all day long, because when he showed that Tim Howard goal, it was smooth as shit.
18) Modern Family is really a smart show, and sometimes laugh out loud funny. I chuckled when the husband, who is concerned about his health and receiving comfort from his wife, says "well, that makes me feel better coming from a marketing major from a party school." That is funny. Not as funny as what just happened about 30 minutes ago, but still funny. What happened 30 minutes ago was the following. It was the Family Guy when Peter loses his driver's license and has to find other things to do. Lois opens the refrigerator door and says "Peter, get out of there." Peter, who you can't see yet because of the "camera" angle says,"There IS not Peter. There is only Zuul." I laughed out loud and almost fell off the couch.
19) Not that there is anything wrong with it. Johnny Weir found his soulmate. If you are expecting a joke after this sentence, you would have to look pretty hard. Just reporting it. Moving on.
20) People were slowly getting on the Harvard basketball bandwagon. Even I was semi on it, although I said they were only good for a game or two in the tourney, not any crazy Final Four run. That being said, they just let Fordham take them down. I think this is their plan, as they won't be ranked for a while now as skeptics are a dime a dozen. They want to fly under the radar for while, win their league, and THEN scare everyone. Damn, those kids are sure smart, except that kid who Damon smoked in wit at that bar and created the most famous "apples" quote I know.
21) The Edge is one of my favorite "underrated" movies there is. "I'm going to kill the bear." Anyway, The Grey movie just sounds like that movie with wolves. I get that surviving in the wilderness is a fun topic for a movie. Actually, yeah it really is. I won't even bitch about them "making a wolves remake" of The Edge. I am being possessive and protective of my movie. Moving on.
22) Talking about either being an idiot or a genius, and the gutsy area in between. Jason Terry got a very visible tattoo last year at THIS time of year of the NBA Championship Larry O' Brien trophy. He would have looked like an idiot this year had Dallas had lost, but he looks SO FREAKING COOL with it now.
23) Let's play "who am I?"
-I have arguably the best offensive player in the game, a big man who is a fantasy basketball dream, and I replaced a fearless court leader with a headcase loser of the same age? I am the 2-4 Knicks.
-I am after the biggest big man name on the market, have a pretty crappy team, and haven't won a championship since 1975? I am the Golden State Warriors. Good luck with that.
-I had a storybook season last year, and just lost MY headcase fantasy basketball player for the next 8 weeks in a very important part of the season? I am the Memphis Grizzlies.
24) I am not good at figuring out who looks like who in the celebrity world. Not a strength of mine. But am I an idiot for getting easily confused because I think Ashley Judd, Charlize Theron, and Katherine Heigl all look pretty similar? Luckily, if I ever had a chance with any of them, I could use my Seinfeld "I don't know her name" education, and still try and close the deal with them. Mulva!
25) Montana vs. Elway. Uggh. I might make this take longer if I have time, but I will leave it at this. It is NOT Joe's fault he had a good team around him. Yes, I respect John Elway. I think the greatest passer of all time was Dan Marino. I think I would take a closer look at Johnny U or Bart Starr as far as "best" QB's. The greatest "athlete" to play the position was John Elway. But. If you gave me any team, and I had to pick ONE QB to win ONE game, I am taking Joe Montana in a freaking heartbeat. System, my ass. That guy was pretty damn good. Oh, and Roger Craig wasn't exactly paving his way to the Hall of Fame at the time of any of those Super Bowls.
26) Paul Westphal got FIRED? Has anyone even LOOKED at the Sacramento Kings' roster? Geez. Hell, I thought Paul was doing well at 2-5. That is just wrong. That is like asking that guy from Hell's Kitchen to cook me something fancy using only the things in MY kitchen. Let's break this down.
-DeMarcus Cousins: Yeah, you came to camp in shape, but that tells us NOTHING about the space between your ears. When trouble happens repeatedly, it is called a "pattern," bro.
-Tyreke Evans: Match made in heaven with DeMarcus. Mad skills, but a headcase.
-Francisco Garcia: If you looked up "guy who you just knew was JUST a college player," you would see a picture of him.
-Jimmer Fredette: Nevermind about that last comment. Francisco, you just have been bumped.
-Donte Greene: No, bro, they don't play much 2-3 zone at this level and maybe another year or two in college wouldn't have killed you. Oh, and Corey Maggette just texted me. He wants to go out for drinks tonight.
-Chuck Hayes: If you looked up "hardest working inside players with skills of a center but the size of an off guard," you would see a picture of Chuck. Dude is solid, but either smoked as a kid, didn't have the genetics, or hates milk.
-JJ Hickson: Dude, even the Cavs didn't want to watch your "potential" improve slowly over the next five years.
-Tyler Honeycutt: No, people, he wasn't on any of those Final Four teams of the mid 2000's. He was after.
-Travis Outlaw: He is the leader of this team. Bad thought.
-John Salmons: You are the Hall and Oates of shooting guards...so close, yet so far away. Do you like Journey by the way, or trying to follow Jeff George's career path?
-Isaiah Thomas: Enter a dunk contest. You can follow in the footsteps of too short guards who win it. On a side note, I just got three texts all consecutively: Mugsy Bogues, Spud Webb, and Nate Robinson. They also want to go out for drinks. Maybe you guys can team up with Corey and Donte.
-Jason Thompson: the only reason I KNOW where Rider is...is because I grew up nearby.
-Marcus Thornton: Kilgore College...just kidding. kind of. He finished college at LSU. I will let this one pass. He was pretty solid back in the day.
-Hassan Whiteside: from the basketball powerhouse of Marshall
Anyway, point is this. Paul had nothing to work with.
27) The Marlins, still smarting at losing Wilson and Pujols, grabbed Carlos Zambrano today. Not sure how that evens out. Actually, I will stop thinking about it. It doesn't.
28) The NBA All-Star ballot was announced in the last couple days. They have this STUPID system (I won't even comment on the fan voting) of PRE-choosing the players at THIS time of year. Quick. Name the four players from the Heat on that ballot. James. Yes. Wade. Yes. Bosh. Of course. The fourth. Think about it. Actually, I didn't even get it so I will put us both out of our misery. Joel Anthony. Wow. No respect for Battier at all, and how far have you sunk, Mike Miller?
29) The Ottawa Senators will have 4 players in the All-Star game for the NHL. No word on whether they ever plan on using this talent to win a Cup in the next couple years.
30) One more note on the NHL All-Star game, and stat you can tell your friends about. I mentioned in an earlier rant about how there are NO familiar names in the top ten in scoring, although it is still relatively early. Check this out. Of the top TEN NHL point scorers this season, not ONE made the roster. Crazy shit.
31) I am hoping I didn't get tricked. With Sporting News mag "stopping publishing" after this year (is someone playing a joke on me? seriously.), I am JONESING for a sports mag. ESPN mag sent me a "preferred reader" coupon for 19 issues for nine bucks, and 87% savings on the mag. I read all of the fine print and sent it away. Necessity IS necessity. I hope they don't take away a leaking sports cooler or rain soaking pullover free gift from that deal.
32) Do you think that the crazy old playing Vince Carter and the recent champion Dirk Nowitkzi ever talk about how they were in the SAME draft? Same draft...
33) Holy shit. They are having repeat "Commando" on AMC. Awesome. LOVE a great flipper on the remote.
34) I won't make a further joke on this, but the reason I missed Faried's crazy dunk in garbage time last night is because I read the "info" on the Chappelle show that was on. If you have never seen the "I know Black People," you are truly missing out.
35) You think I am labeling Iowa State basketball "transfer U" for a reason? They just took down Texas this week...which used to be labelled a huge win (what the HELL are you doing down there, Rick Barnes?). Anyway, watch out for newcomers Royce White (Minn), Chris Allen (Mich St.), Chris Babb (Penn St.), and Anthony Booker (Southern Illinois).
36) Confused. I am pretty sure this is a DIRECT ripoff commercial. Wasn't it the Toyota Tacoma that had the crazy desert and meteor commercials? I just saw a Nissan Frontier commercial that was horrible with the truck coming down a mountain like it was skiing. Horribly done, and someone already did that theme, Sherlock Holmes.
37) Oooh. The mall scene and car chase in Commando. It is simply the greatest movie with regular Xylophone background music. I know. The control group of that comparison is pretty limited.
38) MLB Hall of Fame Ballot (don't worry, I already did the entire Kings roster-I won't go through all of them):
-GUYS WHO JUST FEEL LIKE THEY SHOULD BE IN:
Jack Morris, Lee Smith, and Edgar Martinez
-HOW LONG DO THEY HAVE TO BE ON THE BALLOT BEFORE GETTING RID OF THEM?:
Terry Mulholland, Javy Lopez, Vinny Castilla
-KIND OF LIKE GETTING BLACKLISTED FROM HOP SING'S:
McGwire, Gonzalez, Palmeiro
-SYSTEM, SYSTEM, SYSTEM (or altitude):
Bernie Williams, Larry Walker
-THEY HAVE WAITED ENOUGH-GET THEM IN:
Barry Larkin and Don Mattingly
39) Cincy over Houston, Atlanta over NYG, New Orleans over Detroit, and Pittsburgh over Denver. I am most uncertain about the ATL/NYG game, and am very aware that I have picked 3 away teams.
40) That is it. "Don't disturb my friend. He is dead tired." Peace.
what happen to your boys yesterday?
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