Read it, don't read it, I don't care...just needed to get some things off my chest.
In no particular order of chronology or importance...
1) This stat will make you look it up because you think I am wrong, then realize right before doing it that I wouldn't be leading off with it if it wasn't correct. Kentucky is 18-1. They just started conference play. They are the all time leader in wins ever for men's college basketball. You could argue they are the greatest program of all time taking in account all years of existence. They have had all timers come through their doors. Then this. Anthony Davis, one of their stud freshman, has 89 blocks this season. He is ALREADY the single season school record holder. ALREADY. If he was an entire team, he would rank 35th nationally right now. He is on pace for 178 blocks. If he hit that number, he would be Kentucky's FIFTH ALL TIME blocks leader at UK...as a freshman. Crazy stuff, people.
2) The sky is blue, and the grass is green. You knew this was coming. We have a new contestant to my "special team." He officially only has one arrest or idiotic incident on record, and needs two more to qualify for my team, but my players are talking already. Dre Kirkpatrick, stud CB from Bama got a possession charge this week...like days after he announced he was going. Dre, I won't even get into the fact that you probably just dropped 10 spots in the draft and lost a lot of money. Let me just say this. Marcus Vick will be giving you a call tomorrow. Be ready for it. He will interview you, and then Sebastian Janikowski will be available if you make it through Marcus, or just take the bait and get busted for something WHILE being interviewed by Marcus.
3) Andy Roddick has already been passed over as America's hope in tennis. He blew it. Mardy Fish luckily started coming on strong when James Blake (hottest wife EVER) sputtered and made us wish again. Well, we Americans have a few more months to hold onto this dream. Fish and Roddick are both already out of the the Aussie Open. Roddick got hurt playing against ancient Leyton Hewitt (it's tennis-just means he is over 30), and Fish got smoked straight sets against someone who I don't even feel like looking up, and don't want to have to remember his name because HE will be gone in the next round (basically a nobody).
4) Flow chart this. Cole Hamels gets the 2nd largest arbitration case settling of $15 mil or so. Tim Lincecum is being offered $17 mil by the Giants. He wants $21 mil. There are in a stalemate. It truly makes me realize how low on the totem poll I am, because I get math, but I don't really get the big difference between 17 and 21 mil. They are both a lot to me. Dude, you are good, but come on.
5) If Brees were to leave New Orleans, Sean Payton "would be stunned." Thanks for the insight. With those weapons you have in his cupboard and only an away playoff loss to show for it, I would be stunned also, Sean.
6) No, this is not going to be a MJ vs. Kobe take...well, kind of. As far as the basketball debate, I don't think it is even close, although I am willing to admit Kobe is in the outer parts of the conversation with his last title. Forget about that. I am talking about commercials. MJ's commercials were all AWESOME. You can't tell me they weren't. Kobe, I have had a love/ hate relationship with you since you came in the league, but know this. You play like MJ, you sound like him on the postgame interview, but you are NOT commercial-a-genic (whatever, the term works). Your little "over the top" speech commercial to the successful people in the audience absolutely SUCKS.
7) It gets announced on national TV that Dwayne Wade got a $230,000 car for his birthday. And then his grandmother gets just a blurb in the paper. Anyway, I got your back. The cool thing about his birthday was that his grandmother, who refuses ever to fly, flew in to watch him play for the first time ever. The only time she had seen him was on TV and when the Heat played the Bulls. Very cool.
8) Check out Chandler Parsons' rebound dunk. Badass.
9) Not sure how this guy got on the CNNSI wire at all. I don't know if it says more about him, or CNNSI. Whatever. It was reported that Rob Lowe knows that Peyton Manning will retire. Thanks for the info, and all I remember about Rob Lowe is that he was in some flick called Masquerade that had a soft porn scene or two with some hot chick and I happened to have a copy of when I was 16 years old. Besides that, don't have much use for you, bro. Stay off the sports wire.
10) Weird. I was just thinking about writing about how Louisville is in a flat spin like Top Gun, and then the announcer at the EXACT same time of the Duke/ Wake game I have on said "walk in the park..." The movie Top Gun and I obviously have a connection. Anyway, that reference aside, Louisville is officially exposed these days. They will make the tourney somehow because of their start primarily, but they are my top choice as team going to get beat by Belmont, Long Beach State, Harvard, etc.
11) I hate being confused. UNC is on against VA Tech at VA Tech. For some reason, I have fun watching this ultra talented team look listless. A new hobby if you will. I wouldn't put it up next to watching people parallel park or anything, but it is entertaining regardless. ANYWAY, how can I root for my college rival, VA Tech? Oh well, I will just enjoy Jay Bilas announcing a quality game and call it a day. Confused (on the re-read, UNC SMOKED VA Tech-see? TOLD you I was rooting for UNC).
12) I am not trying to act my age or anything, but I think the old Jetta's and old Civic's looked SO much better than the new ones. So much for technology. Oh, and by the way? Here is a tidbit I noticed, or at least deflected it into a way of thinking I wanted to. The new Jetta commercial. Is it fast? Ten speeds, lightning bolt, street legal yada yada yada...Is it safe? Here is my deep thought. Is Nugent's Stranglehold playing in the background because Jetta has a stranglehold on you, or are they saying that getting married and having a kid is a stranglehold? Interesting. Once again, confused.
13) The Sixers and Bucks were undefeated going into this week at home. The Nuggets knocked them both off in two consecutive days. Not sure if that is saying more about the Nuggets or the Eastern Conference...just kidding. It is saying a lot about both. This is not 1983, so that first sentence WAS the joke.
14) Hey, Comcast. Somtimes I want to know what I missed on TV if I spaced out and forgot a show. Why won't you let me toggle BACK in time to shows that already were on? Don't tell me that you can't do it, and shouldn't I be ABLE to since you are charging me $40 extra a month for things I didn't ask for?
15) Tom Brady sat out practices with a left shoulder injury. Someone freaking tell Bill that football is NOT hockey and fantasy football ended WEEKS ago.
16) Forget Jack Quinn. Forget Phil Niekro. Forget Julio Franco. Jamie Moyer wants more. Moyer just signed with the Rockies organization at age 49. Keep it going, bro. We are with you. Another two years, and I can make a joke about Gordie Howe.
17) Way to cover both spectrums, Jerome. Jerome Simpson became the YouTube sports sensation of the year and favorite for an ESPY when he did that snazzy backflip into the endzone weeks ago. I hope they do an acceptance speech from jail, because dude just got busted for marijuana TRAFFICKING. Not using it. TRAFFICKING. Still not sure how that "k" got in that word, and still not sure why Jerome pulled that shit after a pretty successful year with the Bengals.
18) Hubie Brown was announcing the Clippers/ Mavs game last night. You know I love his basketball brilliance, but his honest chuckle when they showed that Kardashian chick on TV when Odom was on the foul line was CLASSIC. Love that guy.
19) Mark Wahlberg. Shut up. I know you actors are supposed to BECOME your role, but just because you were evidently a badass in Contraband doesn't mean that you can tell the world that things would have been "different" if you were on that WTC plane. How do you really think that makes the families of the dead feel, bro?
20) Apparently, Ryan Braun will "break his silence" at an upcoming awards ceremony. I can't wait to hear this. Your "silence" makes you look guilty of cheating using drugs regardless, and your "breaking of that silence" probably has been looked at by 10 high priced attorneys already. Don't care. You are on the list. Go have some beers with Sammy Sosa. Regardless of his cheating playing baseball, dude just looks FUN.
21) I don't care if Safe House looks on previews like a re-written The Jackyl (GREAT underestimated movie by the way), I plan on seeing it. As I have said about Denzel, the only BAD movie I remember by him was John Q. He ain't no Don Cheadle (guy who I would watch ANY movie no matter WHAT the plot), but I am sure we are not totally going to be wasting $10.
22) You can hate Coach K for whatever reason (although I still haven't found a reason except for he coaches at Duke (like in Seinfeld with the Aids walk list, "she is just so GOOD.")), but all these years of watching those ex-players sit next to him as assistant coaches just makes you think they are going to be GREAT head coaches. You could have worse people whispering in your ear, right? Anyway, I am watching Stanford closely. Johnny Dawkins is doing a hell of a job over there right now after years of sitting on Coach K's sideline (no, I always call him Coach K just like I always say N$%^#$& Suh-too much copying and pasting-their names are HARD).
23) A record number of underclassmen declared for the NFL draft this year. No joke. No stats. Just saying. The talent is not THAT much better-kids are just greedier and they know their shelf life is not necessarily that long with the big boys.
24) Just saying. I said whoever comes out of the Sharapova/ Williams bracket will win the Aussie Open. They are presently on a collision course and both look really good. At tennis. Maria looks good whether she wins or loses.
25) The OKC Thunder have officially locked up the other piece of their puzzle. Russell Westbrook reportedly just signed an extension. What a dilemma that must have been? Hmmm. Do I want to go do my own thing, or pass occasionally to Kevin Durant, possibly win a championship, and take advantage of aging superstars like Kobe and Dirk in the West? Tough one. By the way, just in case you weren't impressed by the '96 Chicago's 72-10 record (you are loony if you think that by the way)? OKC is 12-3. Pretty impressive, right? Do the math. They are on pace to lose 15 games with 7 games left in the season. Yup. That Bulls team was pretty awesome.
26) Nickname resurrection. People are given nicknames, and then sometimes they go into a slump where they don't do what their nickname suggests (you will see where I am going with this in a second). By the way, when you are in that slump, nickname people, give Mark Grace a call. He has the solution. If you don't get that joke, then either you are reading the wrong blog, or go Google it so you can laugh at future references. ANYWAY. Chauncey Billups hit a last second 3 ptr to secure a win for the Clips last night. "Mr. Big Shot" is still yours, bro. You just have to do it every 4.5 months of season. Cool? Or. Once in the playoffs gets you off for the next 56.3 games. I just made up that formula, but I think it works.
27) Isner was in another marathon match. Controversy, righteously, in a very key part of the match this time. I believe the controversy people have a point. I have a lot to get to, so I will just say this. Are you getting paid by the hour, Isner? Are you a project manager part time? Win earlier, dude. Thanks for keeping that last set to 18 games, though, when sets are won at 6 games...
28) I had a take about the Washington Wizards making a run at the all time record, but they won last night. Damn. I will save it for a rainy day or another 8 straight losses. Moving on.
29) I love boxing. My favorite present EVER was the heavybag my parents got me when I was a kid. That being said, I still don't foresee me seeing "Real Steel." aka "Rocky with robots..." Sorry, that doesn't hook me. If you put something in the previews about a robot yelling "Adrian," I might bite.
30) I am not going to look up this, because I think it is pretty impressive without backup. We are almost a MONTH into the NBA season with games being played more frequently, and the Spurs just NOW won their first road game last night. WTF? Yup. Manu IS that important, Tony no longer HAS a model wife, and Duncan IS aging that fast right now.
31) With LeBron out and Wade hurt, does anyone else but me think that Mike Miller finally being healthy is totally going to help the Heat? Am I a closet Mike Miller fan? I don't know. I know this. Somehow, and some way, the Heat's "role" players are the future President of the USA (Battier), a multiple All-Star (Miller), and the role player who was a big part of their last championship (Haslem). I still like the Bulls out of the East, but just giving love to the NOT "Big Three."
32) Tom Izzo, you are a genius. Tom Izzo, you actually don't mess up my brackets when you are under the radar because I actually pick you pretty far each year. Tom Izzo, you have a championship. That being said, that last play you guys ran against Michigan with THIRTY ONE seconds left was absolutely HORRIBLE.
33) After flirtations with two other schools, with parents deciding they wanted him closer to home, and with their utmost concern about where he would have the best chance to start, #2 ranked HS QB Gunner Kiel chose Notre Dame verbally. I think Dayne Crist leaving for KU was the key. Side note, bro. Gunner, it is true you have the greatest name for a QB I have heard in years (unless you were a shooting guard in bball of course), but check this out. Great schools are great for a freaking reason. If you find a school that you can just mozy on into the starting role, they probably aren't all that and a bag of chips anyway. They have what I like to call "backup plans." Plus, isn't that why you are the best? Because you WANT that competition?
34) Never in the history of the NFL has the two WORST ranked defenses been the #1 seed in each conference. There are many ways I can go on this. I will just say this. The Pack are out. I LIKE the discount double check commercials. Can you guys keep showing them even though the Pack got run? Please? I actually would LOVE to have a few beers with the crazy guy outside the store in each one. "RODGERS!!" Hey, Ryan Braun. After we pick up Sammy, let's swing by and pick that guy up. He looks fun, too.
35) I am a fan. Truly. I am still trying to figure out how he Flyers are winning without Pronger. Confused. Supportive, just confused.
36) In a story I really don't give a shit about but am confused about. David Beckham just signed on for two more years with the Galaxy. Something is missing in this report. Odds are that a story will leak in one year about him having an affair with some hot Hollywood chick (BE the Underworld chick. please...). What ever happened to Elway or LaRussa departures? Veni, Vidi, Vici, bro. Athletes leaving after a championship and Costanza leaving after a good joke. You won the title. Go back to England and roast in your glory.
37) Not sure if I heard it right, and I am not looking it up, but I swear that I heard that the Clips loss against Utah kept the streak alive that since 89-90, they have not won in Utah. Don't use this one on your friends until checking. Not sure if that says more about Stockton and Malone or less about the Clips history. Moving on.
38) Fundamentals. Lack there of in basketball drives me CRAZY. A lad from UNC-Asheville pulled the old "hit the guy in front of you in the back with the inbounds pass" trick. Come on.
39) Sporting News final issue to me had lots of lists. I love them. My life is driven by lists. ANYWAY. They had an article "sports greatest record." Are we talking about "best," or "unbreakable???" If we are talking about "unbreakable," I would like to revise your top couple records.
#1(ranked #4 in mag)-Cy Young's 511 wins. In today's game, I am more worried about future pictures getting 300, let alone 500.
#2 (ranked #10 in mag)-Pete Maravich's 44.2 career college bball scoring average. Austin Carr is second at 34.6. People. Check this out. Pistol Pete is the all time leading scorer in college bball EVER...and he only played 3 years. Need more? There was NO 3 ptr back then, and half his shots would have qualified.
#3 (ranked #7 in mag)-Wayne Gretzky's 215 pts. Come on. With the rule changes, no one will get within 50 of this thing...ever.
#3a (ranked #3 in mag) UCLA's seven consecutive titles. No way.
The rest? Who am I dissing? DiMaggio's 56, Wilt's 100, Ryan's seven NH's, Rice's 208 TD's, Pete Rose, and Bill Russell. For the record, Pete would be #4, and DiMaggio would be #5.
40) GOAT. Happy 70th birthday. You were the COOL, manly version of someone saying "I'm the king of the world!" Except for that nude scene, I still think that Titanic movie was set in real time. SO LONG. SINK already.
41) Kick in the nuts to Colt McCoy. The Browns might trade up for RGIII. Have you all looked at the REST of your roster? Give that kid a chance.
42) These Dr. Pepper 10 commercials confuse me (seems to happen a lot). Why does Dr. Pepper taste so TOUGH, and why would you eliminate half the population in your commercials? I feel like I am watching a Black and Decker commercial when I see that thing...but I am not. Why take out the female element on a freaking soft drink?
43) The Celtics are thinking about trading one of their Big Three. Won't work. Look at the contracts and the teams with cap space next year. Ray Allen is the only one you can pull it off with, and why would you do it anyway? You only have one title to impress us with, but this is your last gasp. Oh. And give me a call when you above .500.
44) Don't know if this story will hold out by the time you read this, but have the Detroit Red Wings quietly snuck in a 15 game home winning streak? Wow, you have some aging players, lose a rivalry because a rivalry is only good when the other team wins some (memo: Colorado), and everyone forgets about you. Until Lidstrom retires, you can count me in on being a believer. Don't sleep on these guys. We won't discuss their road record-it would ruin this take.
45) If you are curious about college hoops and don't understand people's passion for it, check out your national TV channels this Saturday. 4 of the top 5 teams play. All on TV. You will enjoy the month of March SO much more, and might not be irritated as shit every time the word "brackets" comes up in conversation.
46) The Texas Rangers sign Darvish. That means nothing to some of you. Well, I guess this is a time of reckoning for you all. Because you WILL know his name...about next October.
47) Dwight Howard announced that he has added the Clippers to his "trade" list. Thanks, Dwight. Love the new Superman ESPN commercial, and maybe you should see that you guys just won 5 straight. Jokes aside, I still think he goes somewhere. When he is traded, it will cause the most lopsided change of equilibrium in the NBA that we have seen in YEARS. Sorry, Melo. Dwight actually plays defense.
48) I am nervous that the movie Ides of March came out so fast on video. Isn't that usually a sign it sucked?
49) After tearing down a recent episode of my favorite show, Criminal Minds, I will say that they also read this blog. Last night's episode was incredible. Phenomenal. Maybe my favorite of all time. A guy imitates the Zodiac killer (the most infamous killer of all time that was never caught), and Dr. Reed matches wits with him. Let's just say that Reed figures out a cypher, is left a note that "he is not that smart" while someone else is getting murdered simultaneously at another location, Reed gets pissed and figures out the code is in binary numbers, and then figures it out by replaying for the others the most famous chess match of all time. F4. Please tell me you are intrigued by that one sentence description.
50) I hear the NHL Winter Classic is talking with people at the Big House. In the words of Rocky IV, "you know what you have to do. Now, do it. Do it."
51) I never pick my background until I finish my rant, but I realized I have made two Rocky references. Got a feeling.
52) Headline I hated this week even if it is true..."Tebow played through injuries." Do we REALLY need another reason to love this guy? Dammit.
53) I couldn't believe my eyes. I watched the end of the UCONN-CINCY bball game AT Storrs. Cincy was up 65-57 with 1:20 plus left. People were LEAVING. Haven't you all built a juggernaut? Didn't you win the whole thing last year? Didn't you all see the 2002 Maryland-Duke game with Duke down 10 pts with :59 left (ok...maybe I just remember that one...loser I am)? ANYWAY. I hope you beat the traffick (I put a "k" in that word on purpose because of the Jerome Simpson take). You lost in the final seconds because Cincy doesn't make free throws no matter who coaches that team unbelievably. Be fans, people.
54) IU lost to Nebraska. NEBRASKA. Not football...basketball. Really. I thought I saw a women's bball score. You and Louisville should go out for drinks...or pops and ice teas...you get the point. At least Tom Crean has the #2 recruiting class coming in...
55) Colbert had a new segment last night. Yahweh or Noweh. I am telling you about it, because I don't think you will be seeing it again. It was...grey area... Even Stephen admitted that it probably won't happen again. Anyway, he went off on Christian matchmaking sites. Priceless. It was ALMOST as funny as the Chappelle show that showed after it. It was a skit SO bad that if I gave the plot/theme, it could be misconstrued. Seriously. I was told not to tell you about it. Public sector, people. On a side note, did you know The Grey actually filmed in a Arctic town (it was on The Daily Shot)? It was real snow and fake wolves. There you go.
56) Hey, Denver Post. You really irritate me, and this has nothing to do with the QB from Denver. I think you are still pissed off that I took the time to call in 10 years ago and complain that a box score's rebounds in a CSU game for a bench player didn't add up (true story). ANYWAY. When the hell did the abbreviation for the Penguins become "Pitts?" It is Pitt, jackasses. There is not another team we will confuse it with. This is not college stats. We won't think it is the school. It is NOT "Pitts." Got it? I know your number now from the box score thing. I WILL call in.
57) Not only are the Bruins cruising, but no one remembers they actually had one of the top picks a few years ago. They got Tyler Seguin. So. They win a cup, and now they have a 3rd year player (I think) that leads the entire NHL in plus/ minus. Wow.
58) Joe Montana's son was released from his Washington scholarship. I know this means nothing to any of us, but I thought that I would just report where Montana's son is. Since the kid has the DNA of the greatest QB of all time, I am tracking it.
59) I saw that Celebrex commercial that says "death" again last night watching games. It actually mentions it TWICE as a side effect. I have no intentions on biting on that number any time soon. Bonus. It has intestinal bleeding too. You can kill two birds with one stone, as long as the latter happens first I suppose.
60) I think 60 is enough. I always have more to say, but we will let it ride until next time. I didn't touch on Manny Pacquiao, LT bitching about the Jets locker room, Tiger calling out Haney, Kyree Irving playing for Australia (the US has enough PG's as it is-check the possible roster), Mike Martz retiring, etc...
61) One serious note before I say goodbye. Gary Carter's health has taken a turn for the worse. My thoughts are with you and your family, and you totally changed baseball in the mid-80's.
62) That is it. Just remember. If I can change, and you can change, than everybody can change.
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